LSD - KEN, STAN
In the completion of the cycle, there was another patient who had come in late last night, and was staying in the second LSD room. As part of saying goodbye, Ken felt that he wanted to say hello to him. Just as there had been people here when he came, so there would be people here when he left.
For some reason the drapes were closed, and there was a dank smell in the room, like an uncleaned zoo cage. When the deep voice answered the knock on the door and Fran and Lotte and Ken stepped through the doorway, the bed lamp was switched on, and an enormous shape rose from the bed, like a seal rising to the surface after a fish. "Oh, I didn't know I was going to get company," he said, stuffing his shirt into his trousers, but not caring to button the button which was open half-way down the expanse of his belly.
"We'd like to welcome you to Hollywood --- it seems to make people feel better," said Fran, turning his best smile on him.
"If the welcoming committee is always as beautiful as you," said the balding fat man, "it would be welcome. "I'm Stan Voschenko." There were other introductions around, and, under the careful prodding of Lotte, he let us seat ourselves in chairs around the room.
"I drove all the way in from New York," he began," and didn't get in until 2AM, so I figured to catch up on sleep today."
"We're from New York, too," said Ken, pointing to Lotte and to himself, though he wasn't particularly interested in seeing this obese individual, whose face seemed to sag more heavily on its bones than his body, as he had been interesting in seeing Lotte. "In fact, we live only a few blocks from each other."
"I'm down in the Village," said Stan, "on Thirteenth Street."
"How did you happen to hear about this place?" asked Lotte, eager to get to the core of the conversation.
"Well, I'd been taking LSD for a number of months at St. Vincent's Hospital --- " he began.
"A number of months?" said Fran with amazement. "How many sessions have you had?"
"Over forty; forty-two, I think," said Stan.
"How fantastic," exhaled Lotte. "Imagine, forty-two sessions." The words rolled off the tongue as if coated in chocolate. She laughed, "It's taken me two weeks to get enough courage for my second one."
"It's sort of like a visit to the psychiatrist," Stan went on. "You talk with them for about fifteen minutes beforehand, then you take the LSD and stay for abut two more hours, then, depending on how I feel, I could stay in the hospital overnight, or I could go home and get a good night's sleep before going in to work the next day." Ken found it hard to think what make it more incredible: the number of times taken, the shortness of the effects, and the matter-of-factness in the taking of it.
"How can you go to work the next day," asked Lotte, blinking her little eyes at Stan, and Ken fantasied her getting as interested in him as she seemed to be in most older men.
"I guess they give smaller doses --- I don't know how big," Stan said, fending off Ken's next question, "but sometimes when I go through a hard session after taking it, I feel too tired to go home. But most of the time I just grab a cab home and fall into bed. There's no trouble about being ready for work the next morning."
"But why did you come here?" said Fran, fidgeting in her chair.
"They stopped giving the drug at St. Vincent's. I did without it for about two months, but then my problems built up, and I felt that I had to go somewhere for help, so I came here."
Ken asked "Did you ever think of going for conventional psychiatric treatment?"
"I'd tried that for three years before starting the LSD, but I found that I went so much faster with LSD, I don't think I'd want to waste the time with conventional therapy."
"Yes, I know," murmured Lotte, not bothering to detail her qualifications for her knowledge.
"Do you think of yourself in any way addicted to LSD?" Ken asked, having never heard of anyone who'd taken it for medical reasons so many times.
"No more than people become addicted to any other kind of therapy." Stan laughed, "Everyone knows the stories of the uncomfortable people in New York City during the month of August, when all their therapists go off on vacation." The group laughed. In one way or another, they knew very well how months of effort could be destroyed when the therapist "abandoned" his clients for his "own pleasures." "I'd been sort of hitting a dead end," said Stan, looking down at his round hands in his stomach-filled lap, "and I'm hoping that the larger doses here can help me get through to more insight into my problem."
"I wonder what his problem is," said Fran, later in Lotte's room, where the three had gone after carrying on the rather unpleasant conversation until Stan made it obvious he wanted to get some more sleep.
"Just look at him, you can SEE his problem," said Lotte, making copious circles around her face and body with her hands. "He doesn't need a doctor, he just needs a good diet. But then," she relented, "it may be that he eats because he's not loved, or he has nothing better to do," she ticked off her catalog wearily, as if she didn't quite believe it.
"I'd be more inclined to think he has nothing better to do because he's so fat," said Ken. "It's not too difficult to change your weight, if you really want to." He knew it to be true for himself, and he assumed that his two friends, being women, had adequate experience in the science and art of reducing and reapportioning flesh on their bones.
It was only much later, in talking with Lotte after her return from the hospital, that Ken learned of the first failure at Hollywood. Stan had been given an enormous dosage, but he couldn't get below his own surface, and after another trial, he had to return to New York no better than when he left it. It was the only example of which Ken knew that the LSD treatments in the hospital didn't have any shadow of their desired effect.
DAY 15
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (FRAN)
PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS: Medium height, bleached (but very skillfully done) blond hair, kept long, very fair skin, in keeping with the hair, and well-tended hands with long fingernails, painted at the start, left unpainted at the end. Thin, but with effort. Started wearing girdles, later stopped. Pert little turned-up nose, eyes made fabulous by skillfully applied eyeliners and false eyelashes, but when she stops wearing them, she still looks great. Firmly conical breasts that press against your chest agreeably when you hug, which is often, since she knows she likes men, and now that she's been released from going to bed with them without emotion, she can display her emotion in an agreeably acceptable way. Intelligent and questioning, little humor.
BACKGROUND: Married once to a guy on a ranch, handsome and kind, but mentally uninteresting, from whom she's separated currently. Dominating father, weak mother --- she was brought up as a boy, but was too feminine, and developed her powers in other ways --- seductive, willing to bed, quick to use people. Though only 21, she's been through so much in theatrical acting that she has the experience of a 40-year-old, and tends to act out a blaze quality that she can't quite feel. Though she'd still like to be a kid, she's a woman! Adopted brother-type of a homosexual actor, but he likes to be around her, she's swung in gay bars before, and he's the one who'd been helped by Dr. MacKenzie, and got her the free trip. She corresponds with him, would like to marry him.
MANNERISM: Vain with her hair: running her fingers through it, combing it religiously every morning, keeps the color so up-to-date, secretly, that everyone assumes it must be its natural color. Tries to act like a kid, but has enough sense not to carry it too far. Doesn't like contact with ugly people. Tends to be super-dainty with food, crooked little finger and all that, but when hungry can really tear into it, like a ferocious kitten. Can't do anything really well except care for herself and dress, tends to be sloppy about her room and personal life. Loves to dance, and does so proud of her good body. Voice well modulated, but it cracks and shows her through. Good laugh, beautiful smile, doesn't catch punch lines.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (LOTTE)
PHYSICAL: Somewhat shorter than Fran, but thinks of herself as Fran's height. Was a stunningly attractive woman, but she's now in her 40's, wears a bit too much make-up, tries a little too hard to be fashionable in dress, so that she many times tends to overdress. Good figure, but she never wears dresses with a waistline. High-heeled shoes at all times, good legs. Proud of her wardrobe, tends to wear something different each day. Hair flaming henna, which she starts letting go gray, getting it chopped off becomingly during stay. Eyes closed with tears in them, as if she wore contacts, but doesn't. Blinks, tends to coo with her voice, high, shrieking laugh when she gets going, tends to be out of control, slapping knee and rocking back and forth in her seat.
BACKGROUND: Eighteen years with the same analyst, and hates New York because he said she should not be influenced by it, and so everything there is weighted negatively for her. Lovely apartment in New York, but unpainted and she tends to be a hermit, painting, welcoming her children, who are all terribly neurotic, especially daughter, who fidgets, defies Mama, and goes all-out hippie possibly to make Mama mad. Divorced from rich husband who supports her, lavish former life in Austria before war, refuses to talk about war experiences, but she managed to escape most of them, though her family was mainly killed, possibly feeling guilty about her safety against the others' death. Widely traveled when she was young, well read, intellectual.
MANNERISMS: Mispronounces certain words, drawing out the vowels into a howl, rolling the l's into a liquid mash. Walks with small steps on high heels, tends to wear tight skirts which hobble her. But she walks fast, though she tires quickly, trying not to show it, ending up panting as she struggles to keep up. Loves obscure things: fresh salads with lots of spices, rare winds, odd foods, trinkety-jewelry which she buys but doesn't wear, large rings, one of which she gives to Fran. Can't understand how anyone wouldn't be attracted to women, atheistic, scoffing, tends to think everything she does "an enormous effort," though she refuses to cry easily. Self-pities, excuses, tends to laugh things off, good sense of humor, loves MacKenzie, arches eyebrows.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (JEAN)
PHYSICAL: Short but well built, somewhat turning into a 30-ish flab. Face scarred from accident, starts by wearing a hairpiece, ends by not: wisps of hair growing from scars not terribly attractive, but not unpleasant once they're gotten used to. Smells sour most of the time, tends not to brush his teeth too often. Talks very rapidly, prides himself on lack of accent. Wears unattractive baggy clothes, shy about exposing himself, tends to be belligerent, though he rapidly backs down when anyone opposes him. Tries to make everyone like him, but succeeds very little because he tries too hard. Terrible jokes and puns, repeated many times to boredom. Meticulously neat about room and clothes, shaves twice or three times a day, giddy voice.
BACKGROUND: Grew up in wilds of Canada, traumatic childhood experiences, married English girl from rich family, trying vainly to support her in luxury, very conscious of the "right" thing to do, though sometimes he misjudges, with ludicrous, as opposed to disastrous, results. Homosexual leanings, though he "whishes he didn't." Loves his wife, but tends to feel inferior to her. Awkward with children, and they sense it, so they shy away from him. His son calls to him only when prompted, and he feels awkward about his child's sexual apparatus. Working in private school, nervous in front of students, tends to be a martinet, does all the right social things. Terrible previous experiences with LSD in Toronto, uptight, very nervous.
MANNERISM: Fidgets, tears paper in pieces, plays with his food, stutters when he gets involved in himself, tends not to talk about anything but him. Clears his throat often, clips his fingernails in public, frets with his face; very self-conscious. Would like to touch his wig when he has it on, but knows he mustn't. Sometimes puts it on crooked, and it's terrible. Conscious of internal noises: stomach rumbles, burps, farts, overly apologetic. WANTS physical contact with guys, but reticent about it, does it awkwardly. Laughs too loud, tries hard to be funny. Talks about his wife's family in England, about the richness of his pupils. Fears losing his job, people finding about it, so he's extremely careful about his words.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (DAVID)
PHYSICAL: Handsome rugged face, smooth-shaven though he talks about his former beard, starts to grow it back again after being erratically unshaven. Good hair-lines, lips not too red for beard, jet-black hair, lovely straight-forward "love me" blue eyes, long lashes, straight nose. Thick neck, well-defined torso without being overly developed, magnificent legs which he throws out in front of him. Good crotch, which he fills admirably. Talks deeply and masculinely, though he can mimic a faggot skillfully. Wonderful teeth. Tends to T-shirts and corduroys, but never smells. Hairy arms and legs, with hair on his shoulders. Tends to slouch and shuffle and move slowly, eyes languorous. Non-touching, loves to tell long jokes, talks a lot, but can listen.
BACKGROUND: Father died before he could "make it up" with him. Mother trying to keep command of him, but she doesn't. Lives in many places, tires easily of them. Quit his computer job because he began feeling guilty about helping the killing US government. Never married, but takes up with girl after girl, luring them into his microbus which he loves to camp, fuck in, and drive, and his life is there now, slightly musty, and only the barest essentials. Feels that he has to be ON his own starting FROM zero, and built his own life, so it tends to strike others as self-destructive. Smokes too much, wishes he could stop, tried, but can't. Good attitude (Ken's) toward pot and LSD. No siblings, no close family ties, no really close friends, only sex.
MANNERISMS: Tends to play with his teeth: picks them, shows them, smacks his lips around them, shows them off, brushes them often after meals, coming back with paste around his lips. Crotch-throwing fellow, always being consciously sexy with his body. Tends to go into blue funks where he does nothing but sit and stare at the wall. Thinks he knows himself well, but deep down he's not bothered to find what he wants from the world --- thinks the world owes him a living, entertainment, divertissement, sex, a purpose, so he doesn't generate those for himself. Tends to be passive except when he has a woman in bed. Smoker's mannerisms. Shoeless much of the time, white socks, part of the sex picture. Loves to caress with his voice and eyes, not touch.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (RUSS)
PHYSICAL: A bit taller than Ken's six feet, thin, with knobby elbows and knees that stick out at odd angles. Small thin face with a pointed chin that seems more fitting wrapped in a witch's cap than above a 20's man. His voice also tends to be older and squeaky, and his laugh is an irritating parody of what Dr. Sivana of Captain Marvel must have sounded like with his "heh heh heh," expressionless, devoid of humor, somewhat malignant. Huge feet and knobby hands, which are hairless, giving a strange combination of femininity and strength. Usually clean-shaven as a sop to MacKenzie for hair which drapes and loops around his ears, usually greasy and uncombed. Yellow teeth add to the witch look, as does the bony nose and high cheekbones.
BACKGROUND: Family died when he was a kid, and he was on his own from 15, living with an older sister, then off on his own to hippie communities in the Big Sur region, where he tried pot, peyote, hashish, LSD, and everything else under the trees. Burned his draft card, got thrown into jail, couldn't hold down a job; a wanderer and a lazy person who starts with great enthusiasm for a job, then lapses into boredom and "do your own thing"ism. Plays the guitar poorly, wrote a book which he printed and illustrated --- prose-poetry of a certain sickness and skill. Many loose affairs with women in a community surrounding, prefers group sex while high to individual sex, so he might have fears for his personal potency. Hitchhiked to Vancouver for LSD, stayed.
MANNERISMS: "Heh heh heh" and slapping himself on knee or fist into fist when laughing at jokes, which is often, since he loves to tell them. Fawning and obsequious with superiors, he's an easy liar, saying what he wants to get him what he wants. Lives in a pad that is self-consciously messy, wears beads and bell-bottoms and likes incense. Uses touch unpleasantly, reaching out with a "winning" smile to put palm on face, punch the elbow, but falsely. Eats without swallowing, gulping, magnifies burps and raves that everything tastes good that he eats or drinks. Hung up on fads and the "latest" writers and music and posters and places. "Permissive" of homosexuality, though he rather pointedly hasn't been involved, so he says. Unpleasant and phony type.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (ADAM)
PHYSICAL: Tall, thin, gangly, large Adam's apple, head long and narrow like a Giacometti sculpture. Tweedy clothes that he wears too long, face scraped from shaving too closely, refuses to wear a wedding ring. Horse-face and teeth, gave up smoking and is proud of it. Hayseedy, with voice deep but looping up and down as his Adam's apple bobs. Simple, not intellectual, but perceptive of human response; warm and friendly in an awkward big-dog way. Tends to be messy when he eats, has spots on clothes from accidents. Ichabod Crane spade feet, all bones and sinew. Weak-looking, but physically strong. Straw-stack hair, usually uncombed, not at all sexy, level gaze, narrow mouth, chuckly laugh, shambling quick walk, height-conscious but not self-conscious.
BACKGROUND: Parents very wealthy, but in failing health, and he has enough income to avoid work if he wants to. Did work in a school, but had problems which he refuses to talk about there, and came for LSD and stayed. Married with four children, talks of his wife as a perfect woman, seems he'd be hen-pecked but love it. He's the perfect emotional, so his wife's the perfect intellectual. Secluded early life, easily shocked about "new" and "different" things in lives, but forever accepting of human failings, since he has the impression that he fails a lot himself, and everyone forgives HIM. Never shows off his wealth, but lives well, belongs to winter and summer clubs, loves sports, and his kids are growing up with all that, and they love each other.
MANNERISMS: "Gee, gosh, gee whiz" type of talk, slow ideas, wanting to help, not sure how to, willing to try anything. Amused easily, but can criticize when necessary. Terrible posture, leans against walls, slouches in chairs, but morally straight as a reed. Hates paperwork, pounds forehead to get brain into gear, toe-shuffling "aw shucks" type when praised. Deep gravel voice unused whenever he can get away with it. Knows no jokes. Seldom touches, though he makes it obvious that he cares for everyone around him; spreads confidence in himself. Knows little of the "world situation", news doesn't interest him. Doesn't read papers or watch TV, doesn't know music or books. A doer, not a thinker. Hard working, but never sweats or worries. But he thinks maybe he should?
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (JULES)
PHYSICAL: Short and stubby, enormous pot without caring about it. Bland face that can be business-like, but twisted into grotesque faces of glee and amusement. Walks funnily, since his legs are short, his feet are small, but he covers ground very quickly. Always a sport jacket buttoned at the neck, long sleeves, and a neat pair of slacks. Loves loud colored socks, and ties. Rapid, effective voice, lashless eyes that are penetrating yet soft. Colorless lips are expressive. Deliberate and controlled, quick-witted and -actioned. "Straight" hair, neat person. Stubby fingers, playing with things to see what they're like. Wears glasses, plays with them, never wears sunglasses. Seems never to eat or sleep, always busy, self-centered, kindly.
BACKGROUND; Refuses to talk about it. Talks of Krishnamurti with his "now", and lives totally in the now. Never married, but speaks as though he enjoys sex. Talks of himself NOW and in the future, never in the past. Did traveling with the BC exhibit through the Expo, and shows souvenirs of that off, but nothing more. Loves LSD; many trips. Impression of a frontier man, self-sufficient, self-reliant, never troubled by anything in the world. Takes no one where he lives, but his apartment in the hospital tends to gold walls, sick-evil paintings by him, and bizarre lighting: he doesn't like the sun, never had a tan, never goes to beaches, never vacations, always doing something. Seems to have read everything, spends much time on newspapers, radio, takes courses.
MANNERISMS: Bending forward to talk to you. Praying hands at lower jaw or mouth when listening. Quick humor, smiles but seldom laughs, but when it comes, it is full and hearty. Jokes about pot, but takes no steps to get rid of it. Clothes tend to be rumpled, face changes lines and shadows when he works late or when he doesn't. Currently having sex with Rachel, but no one talks about it. Seems never to eat, won't touch alcohol or cigarettes or tea or coffee, almost puritan in morality except for sex. Works on many other things, acts, reads for the radio, reviews books, keeps files of clippings, engages in enormous correspondence, grades all the tests, acts like nothing's a problem. Meticulously neat, never smells though he's been up all night; white teeth.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (DR. MACKENZIE)
PHYSICAL: Tall, rotund, inspiring figure, dresses very neatly with double-breasted suits with vest, shined shoes always, graying blond hair always neatly trimmed. Ruddy Florida-complexion, liver spots on hands, full lined face, strong handshake. Moves quickly, always ready to smile, never laughs, except once like a seasick Dr. Gildersleeve. Piercing sparkling eyes that have no color except the white, without red veins, and the black of the pupil, as if he's on dope all the time. Absolutely steady gaze, wide-eyed without tiring. Almost never blinks, head held perfectly still. Doesn't fidget at all, all attention where it's needed. Sonorous voice, slight accent. Seldom there, but everywhere when he IS there. uses names often in talking, sincere touching.
BACKGROUND: Former research with Louria and Osmond, even talking with Dr. Albert Hofmann (LSD discoverer in 1943) in Switzerland. Travels much to international conventions for schizophrenia, his first interest, and drunk and drug usage. Married with three grown children, living in palatial home in suburbs, talks of his happiness. Founded the hospital 15 years ago, and introduced LSD into drunk treatment 11 years ago, then extending use to non-drunks. Active in legal matters to keep its use free, thinks pot-smoking should be legalized, loves LSD himself, has had over a dozen trips. Getting an international reputation in his research, publishing little because of time, would like to publish more. Lets administrative duties care for themselves.
MANNERISMS: Rich deep, self-consciously dulcet voice, rubbing hands together, touching for best effect. Smiles sometimes too quickly, in a flash, then settles into attentive, absorbed look. Slips his shoes off under his desk, he confides. Gets things done, has stacks of things to do on his desk, carries many papers around with him, so that everything is "right with me." Likes to drink socially, smokes once in awhile, never eats in the hospital, brings his lunch from home. Loves sitting in his window, knowing people are looking at him --- again he confides. A happy man, IS where he wants to be, wants to do more of the same, hires people on whims, fires for HIS reasons: he's a stickler for morality: everyone MUST be moral IN HIS hospital. Benevolent tyrant.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (BOB)
PHYSICAL: Endomorphic Jewish type, dark curly hair, close-set eyes given to tears of self-pity. Skin problems, gas problems, burping and farting. Likes to wear pajamas, robe, and slippers, non-sexy. Narrow face, but wide mouth, looking as if it might separate from the lower part of the face. Big teeth to fit in the mouth. Gentle voice, made even more gentle by his LSD treatment. Lies around thinking quite a bit, since his life has been changed. Weak and subject to illness, has a cold which almost removed him from his experience. Noshes continuously, has food around him always. Enormous ears and hands, but small feet. Never laughs, because he's too serious about everything: himself, who he talks to, the hospital, the world.
BACKGROUND: Typical Jewish family: domineering mother, recessive father, his first problem was that he was suspicious of everyone: didn't think there was LSD in the cup. Watches TV inordinately, studies very hard, tends to be a bookworm, not to socialize with people. Reticent to talk, hard to get started, but once the channel for talk is there, he goes on and on. Many brothers and sisters, and he seems to be jealous of all of them, not sure that he even fits into the family. Thinks he hates his Mother, but he's too close to her to tell. Never been to bed with a girl, but he wants to be; never had homosexual urges. Fluttery with his hands, never touches anyone. Eager to get back home and try his new life on them.
MANNERISMS: Worships Dr. MacKenzie, talks about him whenever he gets the chance. Tends not to talk until prodded. Sits cross-legged in bed resting his head in his hands, rocking back and forth as if offering up some ancient Jewish prayers. Cracks his knuckles, sucks his teeth. Can't stand the hospital food, eats out all the time. Tends to be dirty: dirty fingernails, which he keeps feeling his pimples with, dirty hair, which flops around his eyes, dirty teeth, with bits of food in them. Quick head movements like a bird, startles easily, nervous, but tries not to show it. Doesn't know how to pack a bag, just shoves everything into it and sits on it, stopping just short of getting out a pair of scissors and cutting off the bits that hang out.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (HOWARD)
PHYSICAL: Short fat man, with an even bigger pot than Jules. He doesn't know how to handle it, so he carries it in front of him lie a bushel basket of sink scraps, which is what it probably is. Nose and chin tend to meet in the center, and he seems to be lacking his upper teeth, so that when he talks his lower lip flops around, showing his lower teeth, but his upper lip stays still, moving not at all. So when he talks he looks like he's chewing. Dresses terribly, smells, has eyes which show surprise easily. Unpleasant wheedling voice, as if he's always begging someone for something. Doesn't like to stay in one place, moves quickly from room to room, talk to talk, and seems to be interested in everything superficially, but nothing in depth.
BACKGROUND: Writer employed for the government, so they're very patient with him, putting up with his travels to get material, his travels to get more material, his travels to check out his stuff, and his travel to get one last verification on the correctness of his stuff. Works very long on each book, writing and re-writing, getting very discouraged, and finally getting it off, where it doesn't sell, but it's the government, so it doesn't matter. Married to a wife he never talks about, she's alive, but might as well be dead. Son he's proud of, but everything he knows of him is second-hand, as if the son would refuse to talk to him. Tends to think of himself as extremely important, but his government connections tend to make him a cog, not a wheel.
MANNERISMS: Vapid curiosity about everything, wanting particularly to talk about sex, the sex you had before you came, and particularly anything unusual about the sex. Insists he has no problems himself, but is terribly interested in everyone else's problem. Little affection he shows outside his curiosity. He strikes people negatively, as if he must smell, which he doesn't, but it's the prurient gleam in his eye as he asks more questions, always prefaced by "You don't have to answer, if you don't want," or "I hope you don't think I'm being too personal," or "I'd never think that, but what do YOU think," and there's the disquieting feeling that he might be using you for information for his next book, written over the course of ten years, at government expense.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (JACK)
PHYSICAL: Heavy-set football player type, though quickly going to fat, though he hasn't reached his mid-20's. Greasy long hair, and pig-like face with pimples and fat-set eyes, black and evil looking. He tries to put on airs about his knowledge, but he's reading the very books he's quoting from, and can't say a word about anything he's read BEFORE that. Wears the same jacket and pants the whole time he's there, and they begin to smell slightly, though he tries to keep himself clean, except for his hair. Stubby ugly hands, which he seems to be able to do nothing with, and a fleshy neck that's plump and unpleasant. Uncouth voice used roughly, and he's forever excusing himself in front of the ladies for using "Damn, shit, hell, fuck."
BACKGROUND: Unpleasant childhood going from one family to another in a line of relatives. On his own early, all sorts of menial jobs, finally moved out into the parents of his girl friend, and they've lived there for a year. Severely troubled with schizophrenia, has been in two or three hospitals, which he can describe with terrible detail, all of which did him more harm than good. Enjoys sex, particularly when high, and loves being high. Fired from one job for never being on time, from another by having sex with a secretary in a closet. Makes little money, but seems able to enjoy what he has. Hates his parents, whom he hasn't seen for a number of years, but loves, almost incestuously, his sister, older.
MANNERISMS: Hawking in a nose-full of mucus and swallowing it, chewing down the nubs of his fingertips --- the nails are gone. Wolfing down his food, making all sorts of noises while doing so. Enjoys talking about fortune telling, ESP seances, and spiritualism, though nothing's ever happened to him, but many things "almost" happened, or happened the seance BEFORE he was there, or in the card-reading AFTER his. Looks at Fran with obvious desire, cares not to be around fellows. Even ogles Lotte when he thinks she isn't watching. Talks a blue streak when started, analyzing everyone except himself. Smokes and has yellow fingers from it, and gets along fabulously with the drunks in the back, even playing the piano for them, to their cheers.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (CHIP)
PHYSICAL: Cute blond teenybopper, with all the latest words and songs coming from a transistor radio that goes wherever he goes, strapped to his wrist. He's surprised when he can't take it into the LSD experience with him. Open face and open mouth, and he doesn't talk much, because he feels definitely not in the same class with the people's he's talking to. Considers himself turned-on and hip, and chews gum incessantly. Wears rather conservative clothes because his Mother buys them for him, but he sports beads and rings which he got for himself, or which girls give him. He's had sex "a few times" with a blushing admission, though he's only 16. Tends to say "No" to things when people talk to him, looks sideways when he thinks you're kidding.
BACKGROUND: Father died when he was young, raised by mother who did everything for him but loved him. Still going to school, very intelligent, but thinks that studies are a bore, and he'd rather sit around and smoke pot in the boiler room. Never had to work, and his mother's paying for his trips. She's afraid he's too lazy, and he's refused to go to her Catholic Church, and she is hoping he'll get some kind of religion out of the experience, and she's heard about the I am GOD syndrome of the LSD, and hopes he'll realize that. She comes to see him, hanging onto him while he has a pained expression on his face, but he suffers it, because she'll keep something from him if he complains. He can't wait to be grown up, to be away from her and "doing his own thing."
MANNERISMS: Dances down the hills rather than walks, accompanied by his transistor radio, though he can't wear the bells and the ruffles of the hippies. His hair is also rather short, but his voice is alive, and his eyes dart here and there, refusing to light, for fear that whatever they look at for more than a couple seconds will imprison them forever. Habit of looking all around when you've asked him a question, saying nothing, maybe hoping you'll go away unanswered. Respects all the doctors in the place, but scorns the therapists because they don't have official degrees in their business. Hates TV, won't read a book, grins shyly whenever Fran speaks to him, ignores Lotte, tolerates Ken. Likes Rachel, and they gabble away on their own tack.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (SANDY)
PHYSICAL: Tall thin girl, long black hair, fair complexion, knobby knees. Wore "much" makeup when she came in, but after she put none on, her natural lip coloring, the blush in her cheeks, the length of her eyelashes and the definition of her lower lashes, and the clarity of her skin and the complete absence of any appearance of pores make her pleasant to look at. Dressed like a non-hippie teenaged girl, with no stocking and loafers, sweaters and skirts, and a large wooly jacket that hasn't been cleaned in months. Doesn't wear glasses, but she's worried about her teeth, which had been in braces, but though they're large, they're white and even, and when she smiles, which is rare, her face lights up. Voice is high and light, with a good laugh.
BACKGROUND: Nothing remarkable; both parents living together in pleasure, she's an only child. Going into the first year of college, and she's having problems with studying. Talk with Fran shows that she has rather severe menstrual problems, and this coupled with the fact that she's out of town many weekends for a weekly LSD session means she doesn't have much time for any social life, which she desperately wants, but doesn't have time to get. Would love to attend sports, but because so much of her time is taken up otherwise, and with studies, and she has to help with her father's business, selling makeup to other dealers, she has no time for sports. Has her own car, but feels this chases guys away, rather than attracts them to her.
MANNERISMS: She talks with her hand over her mouth, which necessitates much "What, say it again?" This both shows that she isn't confident about what she say, but that she wants attention, which she gets when she does it. Blushes easily, very self-conscious. Pigeon-toed, and tends to slouch, looks with envy at Fran, and wishes she could wear flamboyant clothing. She and Fran tend to compare notes a lot, Fran amazed at how's she's remained a virgin, while not really wanting to remain a virgin; and Sandy's amazed at Fran's number of conquests by the time she was her age: 19. Tries never to talk about herself, but pointedly asks questions to get others to talk, another effort to make people like her: she's read Dale Carnegie and follows it.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (STAN)
PHYSICAL: Man in early 40's, but looks older because he's enormously fat and has a monk's fringe of balding, which is always moist from his exertions in moving around. Tends to puff and grunt as he talks, and plays with a phony cigarette because he's been ordered not to smoke. Wears glasses that are terribly smudged because he never cleans them, and his eyes are bloodshot, maybe from the effort of looking through them. Rings on fat fingers look as though they would never come off. Wears short-sleeved shirts under jackets which emphasize the size of his arms, but there are no lines anywhere, all curves of flesh. Looks furtively at people, as if he understands that they might not like to look at him; keeps things neat.
BACKGROUND: Some small legal job, though he doesn't have a degree. Took LSD over 40 times in St. Vincent's Hospital in New York, rather small doses, but this doesn't seem to cure his problem: he's a whiner and a self-pitier, expecting help to come from outside, rather than inside. He is never able to keep on a diet, or to refrain from eating. Drinks too much water during the day, but doesn't believe that that contributes to his weight problem, because, as he says, he just pisses it all out right away. Married long ago, but his wife left him; coincidentally, he used to be thinner, but passed 300 pounds just about when his wife divorced him. No children, he's an only child of patronizing parents, whom he still visits, and they tend him.
MANNERISMS: Shifts positions in seats often, as if he was pinching himself somewhere when he sat down. Always has a full glass of water somewhere, and many times excuses himself to urinate. Very wishful, wishing things would happen, hoping for outside agencies or people or drugs to save him, but seemingly lazy, won't do anything himself. Handkerchief always out, mopping, mopping, mopping, complaining that it's warm, taking off his shoes to get his feet cooler. Much self-conscious fun about loosening and tightening his belt. Careful about eating, very neat, not noisy, and always over-used a napkin to make sure there's nothing in his face, which would make him look like even more of a pig which everyone thinks he looks like.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (GEORGE ROBERTSON)
PHYSICAL: Tall, gaunt, older man in his 60's. Lives up in Kamploops, where he's in charge of a logging outfit, and he still has the strength of body and mind to take care of 50 men. Lined face, bushy black eyebrows, level gaze, voice of command: deep and carrying, as if he had a built-in speaker system. Well-dressed in a woodsy way, with boots and corduroys and red plaid shirts open at the neck to reveal a sweatshirt inside. Knobby hands that once might have almost been piano-player's hands. Salt and pepper hair still in a brush cut, and there's still a lot of it. Sits well in chairs, giving the impression of a rough-hewn president of the board. Walks erectly and rapidly, stands whenever a woman enters the room, formal of speech.
BACKGROUND: Married to one woman for over 40 years, happy with her, seems to have no problems. Two children, a boy and a girl, both married, but neither have children, though he would like to be a grandfather. Moved all around Canada with his wife, but is not settled down. Never had any drug experience before, but was led here because of talks with others, younger than he, who bummed their way into his employ and talked of the great things happening down here. Tries to think and act young without stepping out of his dignity of years, and he's so natural anything he does would be all right. Won't indicate why he's here, but he speaks of women appreciatively, and it seems he may have had a very wide experience, which might be tapering off now.
MANNERISMS: Commanding wherever he is: sitting, standing, eating, walking. Extreme naturalness, but a reticence of talking about personal matters, though he'll listen with interest to anything that's told him. Clears his throat a lot, keeps himself immaculately clean, though there are scars on his hands and splits in his fingernails that show he works hard. Proud of his youthful thoughts and attitudes, but not show-offish. Would make a rather distant father, too controlled, too impersonal, not enough emotion showing through, and it might be that he's here because he's throttling himself, and would like to let loose, as he does when he calls Fran's name, which we never find out the reason for. Leaves soon after he's taken it, a mystery.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (FRED)
PHYSICAL: Medium height, in early 30's, thin face, quickly balding hair, which is cut short and combed forward to try for a youthful look, but there's a growing pink spot on the back. Hawks in his mucous and swallows it with an audible squish, and smokes an occasional cigarette like Bette Davis, inhaling deeply, holding it, rolling his eyes around, then exhaling with a pursed lip look which strikes as a caricature. Phony laugh, large bright eyes that he tends to widen in sarcasm when anyone's saying anything to him that he thinks THEY consider important. Unpleasant person because of abrupt answers, long silences in the conversation, obvious self-centeredness, frank criticism, not caring what anyone else may think of him. A boor and irritating.
BACKGROUND: Raised in taciturn Maine, Father died when he was 12, a confirmed homosexual, and almost a woman-hater. School teacher, and he tends to be over-correct about what everyone is saying, correcting then for their picayune faults of speech, with a fatuous smile. Cold and distant, tending to blame things on others, thinking of himself as perfect because he does exactly what he wants. Chews loudly and with noises when he eats, and he eats extremely fast, sitting with a full mouth which he will gorge fuller until his thin cheeks bulge out --- will even try to talk in this sodden state, food spilling out and onto the plate, and he tends to look at it as cute. Wears unpleasantly wooly baggy clothing, out of shape from sitting yoga-like.
MANNERISMS: Does everything with a manic concentration, walks loosely and with a straightforward determination. Does things abruptly: doesn't slow down, he stops. Jerky motions, as if he were hyperthyroid. Tends to act as the all-knowing analyst, though it's certain that his full thoughts are on himself and the impression he makes on others. Considers himself sort of a Messiah of self-indulgence, burping loudly, moving ostentatiously to the side when he farts, shouting "Pig!" when he does anything crude, yet laughs as if he enjoys it enormously, and considers these little habits ingratiating, though they usually backfire and people tend to move away from him. He hates being alone, but that's how he's ending up, since he doesn't think of others.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (DR. FREED)
PHYSICAL: Former football-player build gone to pot, in his 50's, distinguished mane of gray hair, piled into a pompadour. Well-dressed in conservative suits and colorless ties, seldom seen standing; he seems to be permanently ensconced behind his desk, leaves the field work to Dr. MacKenzie. Rather ignorant of people and their needs, tends to over-categorize, refuses to change his mind though everything seems to be against him. Smokes a pipe, certainly because he thinks it makes him look distinguished. Could have been a matinee-idol type when he was younger, but those days are gone, and he's sunk into gray-acting, keeping the job through inertia only. Not seeming to be up on the latest authors and work in the field; rather a drag.
BACKGROUND: Long-time personal friend of Dr. MacKenzie, worked in the background during the founding of the hospital, but did so little work in LSD that he didn't even appear as co-author on the one published work from the hospital. Specializes mainly in pre-session and post-session conversations, but there's no indication he reads anyone else's reports, or that his reports, if there are any, since he doesn't write, are ever read by anyone else. A psychological cul-de-sac in the hospital, another step on the way to an experience, but contributing nothing. Gingerbread on the house, thought his degree lends a certain amount of prestige to him; he's the only one which has his degree displayed on the wall. Apparently happily-married and well off.
MANNERISMS: Overly studious attitudes as compensation for his "do-nothing" job. Smokes his pipe, places his fingertips together, shuts his eyes and nods his head, listening to the words as if savoring a vintage wine. Very serious, getting no jokes, making no jokes, considers himself somewhat of a god, but everything takes place around him, and not through him. Rears back in his chair to look at people, "sincere" handshake, long-held, to give an impression of intense interest in the other person, but concerned about self-image so much that Ken's sure it's unconscious with him. Seems to have no contact with anyone else, has no secretary, types his own letters, which of them there are. Small office off to the side, just as his function warrants.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (JOHN ALLMAND)
PHYSICAL: Tall strong fellow with a good face, late 30's, with one hand which is gone between the wrist and elbow from a chemistry accident in high school. Face also pocked as with enormous smallpox scars from the spattering acid. Forceful personality, used to having his own way, generous, but loud when he drinks, making fun of people too loudly, showing off his provinciality in the fancy restaurant. Alternates between a forceful direct gaze, and a head-lowered "I'm not worth anything" humility, with no perceptible reason. Wears very nice clothes of excellent quality, though no ties because of the hand. Loafers for shoes, no belts; tends not to like to carry things to keep his only hand free. Reddish hair, short and curly, heavy beard, nice build.
BACKGROUND: A boat manufacturer from Florida, married and with four kids, and when they got the divorce, HE got the kids, which implies all sorts of evil on the woman's part and goodness on his part. Put himself through school while supporting an ailing father. Early training in self-reliance, but he can still show affection, but tends to degrade himself. Learned early to do without the hand, lighting cigarettes, learning how to hold a woman's coat so she can get into it, how to dress himself, how to order from a menu to avoid anything which needs a fork AND knife, driving a car, holding doors open. Tanned from the sun, loves to water-ski and snorkel, loves his kids, and it seems they love him. Absolutely reverent toward Fran.
MANNERISMS: Everything connected with his one-handedness. Talks forcefully, though he has the wisdom to admit he doesn't know if he doesn't know. Not the type to make an intellectual fool of himself, but often makes an emotional fool of himself. No time for the good life; knows nothing of art or theater or movies or even TV, all his life is devoted to his business, which he built himself from nothing, and controls entirely himself. When he goes, there'll be no business left, because he's not about to train a replacement. Likes to hunt, however, and talks of it a lot, would never leave Florida, which he considers a paradise on earth. Thinks the whole country should move down there and forget about heavy clothes (he hates 'em) and winter.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (RACHEL NURSE)
PHYSICAL: Medium tall woman who looks late twenties but might be early forties, with the neat good looks of a woman who's never been married. Great body under the nurse's uniform, but the face would stop a clock, with mud-colored skin without blemish, pop-eyes which she opens wider whenever anything happens, a large thin hooked nose, and a large mouth with a huge set of horse-teeth of incredible size and protrusion. She can never shut her mouth completely, and they joke about how she can even eat behind that barricade. Light-brown hair always back in a knot, nurse's uniform always neatly pressed, shoes unshined: she doesn't have time for THAT. Skillful hands at anything, ringless, small wrinkles all over them.
BACKGROUND: Never married, never out of this, her hometown. There's the rumor that Jules is balling her, and the incongruity of the two of them is an enchanting thought. She's always been busy at one hospital or another, and has a genuine love for almost everyone, prepared to stop and talk for a long time about problems, but always seeming to get her work done. Can be very severe if she has to be, and has physical strength developed by her jobs, but she's managed to remain completely feminine, even when she's in control of a dozen people. Nothing is known about her earlier life, but she's so charming everyone hopes she's not a virgin. Practice means that she knows everyone's name and problems very quickly, and she keeps secrets.
MANNERISMS: Loud genuine laugh that makes her teeth even larger. Mouth and lips work at going over them, but they never can. Inquisitive and will try anything, a barrel of fun at the party. Gives the idea you're her "special friend" to everyone, which is an uncannily great skill. Loves flowers, always brings in fresh ones from her garden for the nurse's station. Not afraid to jump in and work with great energy. Unflappable, never sweats anything, tends to be casual about schedules and times, but somehow gets everything done and into its place. Great hands with an injection, talking away about anything while preparing and giving it. Refuses to gossip about anyone, loves kids, drives her little car wildly around town, piles of tickets.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (INTERNE)(S)
PHYSICAL: The "special" one is tall, fair of face, soft of eye, tousled of hair, and seemingly spectacular of body. Quiet voice that gets under the skin, with a quality of affection in it which implies that anything would be OK with him. Smooth skin, an air of knowing everything, like a priest to whom everything has been confessed at one time or another. Moves absolutely silently on gentle feet, almost an apparition. Others are short ugly men with bony arms from the hard work, or older women, half old-maidish, other half matronly and mothering. None of them get paid very well, so they do it for the joy of doing it, and they all look it: bright-eyed, enthusiastic, cheerful, on-the-ball. Seldom look rushed or tired, though some work VERY long hours.
BACKGROUND: The "special" one's is entirely unknown, except that he might be the special friend of Russ's with whom he turned on "bestest" one day in the woods outside Big Sur. This would be the epitome of the "special friend" of whom every reference is reverent and loving, and who could do no wrong. He probably descended from Heaven, the second son of God the Father, so perfect in his way he would be. The others are mainly former inmates of the hospital, who get bitten by the bug of doing good, and better than the ones before them because they KNOW what it's like, and can tell the others like it is. Large traffic in illegal drugs because of this, but the self-policing seems to be effective, since nothing drastically wrong has happened.
MANNERISMS: The "special" one is soft and yielding and accommodating, quiet in movement and speech, completely self-effacing. Gentle hand-rests on the arm, feeling the forehead to see if it's sweating, glass of water in case of thirst. Ability to vanish completely afterwards. The others are gruff and kindly, knowing everything there is to know. No reluctance to manhandle people, but with understanding and no physical harm. Patient until they're at an end, then demanding and getting it. Extreme reverence toward Dr. MacKenzie, and tolerance of the others, and impatience with Dr. Freed. Autonomous in action, since the "schedule" is so free throughout the hospital; ready to try anything they think might help someone, like they were helped.
LSD - CHARACTERIZATION (KEN)
PHYSICAL: Main character of the novel: 28, medium height, slender of build. Hair-colored hair and eye-colored eyes, wears glasses, reads a lot, interested in others' problems. Tends to wear colorless clothes because he's habitually afraid of being found out for the homosexual that he is. Over-intellectual, but stupid about many things, not hesitating to lie about something if he doesn't know what the answer is, but feels he must give an answer to everything, explain everything. Pimply face, nervous, fidgets with small pieces of paper or whatever comes his way: paperclips, eraser, plastic spoon, gum. Voice tends to be high and nasal, forces himself into phony "relaxed" laughs. Slight pot developing, and he tends to pull it in when he sees it hanging out.
BACKGROUND: Computer oriented, which also adds to his analytical tendencies. Dominant mother, who he says he loves, but whom he secretly detests, chased the father, whose love he badly needed, out of the house. One sister, who he fears will be warped somewhat like he is. Had LSD once back in New York, then tried a psychiatrist, who told him about the hospital. Came because he felt "he had something inside which had to come out." Tries to be unemotional, and the emotions that come out tend to be sloppy and superficial. Has never been in love, and tries desperately to develop a strong feeling for the people there, but it doesn't work. Very self-centered, tends to "use" people. Good schooling, knows a lot about lots of things: dilettante.
MANNERISMS: Bites the skin around the edges of his fingernails, keeps his hand to his chin too much, tends to slouch in his seat, but walks upright and quickly. Questions other people to get them interested in questioning him. Lots of conversational ploys to get others to ask "Well, what do YOU think of this or that?" Eats very slowly, chewing too many times before swallowing. Tends to look for "the" solution or "the" reason, and thinks in blacks and whites rather than in shades of gray. Jumps to conclusions, then slides around to say he thought that all the time. Uninterested in current events, sports, hunting, winter sports. Tends to ignore people's backgrounds, thinking that changes can be made NOW, based on what's happening NOW, not in the past.