Prose and Rows

For weeks upon weeks I've been writing in PROSE,
Been writing in COLUMNS instead of in ROWS.

Though ROWS is the field known to most as pure POESY,
I hope you'll forgive if I try being ROWS-y.

I've written this poem in popular couplets;
They're not quite as scarce as are Siamese quintuplets.

GEE, but it's tough to know where to begin.
What sort of RHYTHM shall I write it in?

Using the couplets found here in particular,
Problems in THIS case are very METRIC-ular.

The IAM is good, and the TROCHEE is too.
The last is like: DA dum; the first is da DOO.

The ANAPEST, graphically, this: da de DEE.
The DACTYL is practically: DA dee dee. See?

It's easy to see why the poets are vexed;
They find there are meters more highly complexed.

My poor little mind runs as slow as molasses,
In matters of TRIBACHS, and of the MOLUSSUS.

The first (unaccented) is this: dum dum dum;
The second (loud chanted) is this: DUM DUM DUM.

They drive me to verges of simple hysterics,
These CHORIAMBS, PAEONS, and SPONDEES, and PYRRHICS.

There's MORE than enough to make anyone grimace, sir,
In ANTIBACCHIUS, BACCHIUS, AMPHIMACER.

As terms which are new to the man in the masses,
You can't forget EPITRITES, FOUR of the classes.

Others, my brothers, too many to mention,
Dozens, my cousins, keep poets off pension.

Let's get away from the metric bonanza.
Next I'll discuss both the RHYME and the STANZA.