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AMY F. DID READINGS AND PSYCHIC SESSIONS

 

AMY F. DID READINGS AND PSYCHIC SESSIONS BY HERSELF AND “SHELAH”

9/22/78

 

READING FROM AMY

She says she starts by going into some energy and going through the centers (we take soul, which she says is illuminating yet gentle, as opposed to will, which can be rather subjective, as wisdom is overly objective and intellectualized), and when she gets attuned, she starts talking. We sit in the dimly lit side room, noises from the street filtering in so that she closes the window after a bit, and I digest the space, height, and light of her great apartment for $680/month on 198 Columbia Heights, enormous living room with three angled windows looking out just over the tops of the trees along the Promenade to the Statue of Liberty, lower Manhattan, and up to the Brooklyn Bridge in the north, the very modern kitchen next to it because the previous tenants had lived there 40 years and it was just old and grungy, the built-in cabinets and closets along the hallway, the huge bedroom, the comfortable bath, and this 6x10 side room which was almost filled with an old vanity and two chrome-legged chairs on a quite nice Oriental rug. She belched a few times and coughed, and then started by saying that she found me a very SENSITIVE person, highly attuned to very high degrees of discrimination, particularly in music, she said, where I could distinguish between tones (and I smiled to think that I mentally judged that the practicing soprano out the window was WAY off a couple of times on her blackboard-screech highest tones), and that she got a strong image from my childhood of my wide-startled eyes seeing things that many other people didn't see in the line of emotional nuance and personality shadings. She very much surprised me by saying that she saw lots of LOVE and support coming in from my mother, though I said that most of what I did, I did in REACTION to what she said (I read MORE when she said I shouldn't read; listened MORE to the Metropolitan Opera broadcasts when she said she hated them, loved "The Bolero" so much maybe because she said it drove her crazy, went to college when she insisted I should start working out of high school, took more courses when she said I should have less---but she DID get me the job at ICWU and DID get the fellowship for children of union members---and I had to struggle with this new image of my mother. She saw lots of energy from me, saying that I'd chosen to be born Aries because they could go through changes quickly, and she a couple of times took deep breaths saying that I moved so fast and wanted so much that she felt she had to "run a couple of steps" to keep up with me. She described the TOP part of my body, down to my heart level, as being TOTALLY controlled by my brain, but then I was very LUCKY in that it did NOT manage to take over the highly intuitive solar plexus and heart that I was born with (I later said that one of the bad points of the idea of reincarnations---when she talked about enjoying the gifts of previous lives---what that I could no longer take credit for having become so gifted in various pursuits, I would have to SHARE the credit with "others" who lived lives before me---she ended by saying that this was something that I had to recognize with PLEASURE that I, in THIS life, could assimilate all these past lessons so quickly, get all the benefits from them, and then quickly move ON to new lessons and benefits), and that she seldom met someone who was SO divided as I was between the brain-mind control of the top and the sensory and emotional control of the bottom. I said that earthing some power rays was VERY foggy in the top and more easy in the bottom, and she said she could see why.
PHYSICALLY, she said, I didn't have much to worry about, but she saw some muscular tightness along the INSIDE of my right arm and into my right thumb, which I might have something done with (and I was thinking of having a hand session at the center), so I started asking her questions: what about eggs and butter and cholesterol? She didn't see any problem, but I COULD cut down a bit on cholesterol, but that my HEART was much tighter before (she seemed to agree that things started loosening up from the point of LSD), and that releases in that area would indicate that I could handle the cholesterol BETTER in later life. She recommended more "intense" foods like grape juice (she said, "See, you ARE intuitive" when I told her that I bought a container of grape juice at the Key Foods for the FIRST time just a week or so ago), spinach (I'd seen fresh spinach, too, and thought of making a mushroom-spinach salad), and red beets, and the only strong RECOMMENDATION was to have some brewer's yeast every morning---and not to have so much butter in which to fry the eggs. I mentioned lecithin and she agreed immediately, and then just laughed aloud as "how much brighter my aura got! You just assimilated that immediately, it's great working with you," and I had to share with her how GOOD that made me feel. She said I wasn't eating so much meat, which I said I was, but that possibly my system could HANDLE it so well that it didn't seem like much, and she amended to say that usually people who eat lots of meat also eats lots of starches and carbohydrates with it that makes a mess to digest, but that since I didn't eat THAT many vegetables or starches, my quantities of meat were probably not excessive. She brought in ONE past life, saying that I'd been a baker (and I thought of the guy on the TV program from Brooklyn) who was VERY contented with life, liking food and wine, fleshier than I was---and then at the end said she'd only scratched the SURFACE so that my defenses wouldn't come up, but that in LATER sessions she'd tell me more, and I had to confess to a "bzzz" from somewhere inside of some fragment of activation when I heard her talking about that. So I asked her about my theory that eating meat while drinking WINE was a good thing, and she said it was good for ME personally, but not in general, and THAT came from that baker's previous life.
MY MOTHER came in when I said I was concerned about financial support of her in later life, and she suggested that it wasn't really so much FINANCIAL support as EMOTIONAL involvement, and I said that was true. She summed it up by saying that I wouldn't have to worry about anything for the next ten years, that my mother wouldn't live all THAT long, that she DID have some problems with her health, seldom exercised, and had troubles with digestion because "she's very squishy at the bottom." She suggested that a lot of HER problems stemmed from the problems between her and HER mother, and when she looked at Grandma's picture, she said she was a VERY intelligent woman who would have a very WIDE range of ideas, but that she'd make very strict judgments about things IN that range: if you fell within her good range, she would be very pleasant with you; if you fell into her bad range, she wouldn't have anything to do with you. I said I didn't know my grandfather very well, since he'd died when I was 16, but she said that my grandmother was a very STRONG person who may have needed someone else to give her a pattern in life, and that SHE would have been very authoritarian with her children, "sitting at the head of the table" and "playing the game even better" (When I showed her the picture of my aunt, she said she saw someone with VERY repressed sexuality of ANY kind, so that my discussion of ANY kind of sexuality with her would be met with resistance, but that she was a powerful friendly woman, and that if I sent her a letter that more or less IGNORED the previous dialogue, she would be OK to deal with again---SHE also needed a strong support, and I told her briefly about her husband and her activations about having children: either they'd decided not to have any or they'd tried and couldn't. I told her about the sex-filled letter with the "P.S. I got your letter," to which I responded with a NGTF flier talking about "aunts" and writing on the bottom, "I got your letter," and she said "Both pros at the game of the sarcasm and the hurt." Told her about my mother's flinging "You were so selfish you didn't have children" at her sister, and my aunt's response of "Your mother really knows how to hurt someone." I told her about her intense sexuality, and she agreed that everyone in the family probably had a lot of sexuality, but we didn't talk about my father very much this time. She even suggested I could break off the relationship with my mother at this time and not "suffer too much karmically," but I told her of John's and Dennis's statements that "she was a bitch" but said that I was happier to keep in SOME sort of, albeit distant, emotional touch with her, taking credit for her current like to travel since I'd always had so much fun with it. She said the relationship would be stable for the next 10 or more years, "Come back and we'll get another reading on it in ten years," she laughed. My sister didn't come into the reading, though I'd intended it earlier.
DENNIS had most of the relationship-part of the session: she saw the two of us as purposely getting together in order to learn from each other in a very quick, challenging manner. She told me that I tended to pound on him a bit too hard and too unfeelingly, that I should let him have his own way more, realizing that many people, 99% of the people, didn't move through things as fast as I did, and that I'd have to allow for his being a bit more deliberate in his actions: "he was an Indian---an Indian from India---in a previous life, and I see him in a white robe in the later part of his life, so after his wife died---he had always had a very satisfactory life---he went into spiritual work and was greatly impressed by the Bhagavad-Gita and the other scriptures of the ancient Indians. So he has very much that Eastern way of looking at things: not so much rush, not so much concentration on the far future, a lot more enjoyment of the pleasures of each day." I said that that WAS something that I'd learned a lot more of from him, and could stand to learn more about. She said she frankly didn't SEE an end to our relationship. I mentioned John and how Rolf and I talked to him just last night, so WE still had a relationship, but she said, "Sex is very important to Dennis, so if you're going to have a relationship with him, it WILL include sex or he wouldn't want it. But I see the relationship as very supporting to BOTH of you in moving through what you're doing, and in very fast time. He tends to follow a pattern of being helpless, and that doesn't serve him sometimes." I gave her an example of opening wine. She said, "Either let him learn to open the wine or refuse to learn, but he has to learn to operate more for himself or he'll be stuck in the place of being dependent and helpless." I told her that was one of the things I most despaired of in the relationship, that he didn't seem to be willing to stick up for himself, and again she said that she wasn't being judgmental, while I was thinking everyone should move as fast as I do, and that's not a satisfactory way to look at it. When she mentioned the brewer's yeast and lecithin, I said that Dennis had it all the time now, and she laughed and said "That's another way he can teach you." She also recommended more vegetables with meals, and I did say that Dennis loved vegetables much more than I did, so I'd have them because of him, not for myself, and again she said "See how well you go together?" She saw the potentiality for earning a lot of money and taking a lot more responsibility for Dennis, which made me happy, and I said that I thought his MOVE was a good step in the right direction, and she said it sounded like it would have GREAT results. She said that a lot of the openness that I wanted Dennis already had, and that he was a very intelligent, witty, and already very enlightened person who would probably come into the Actualism work if left alone. I asked about giving him more body sessions, describing how he loved the first one, and she said she saw that his shoulders and neck particularly needed work, that his creativity was blocked by the way he carried his head forward, so if he got more body sessions this might straighten his posture and give him more creative energy, too. She mentioned that his center of gravity was too high, in the top of the lower back. "He may have sore backs now," and with a new posture this would move lower into the pelvic bowl, where it belongs. So she thought body sessions would be great. She saw the two of us together as being forcefully magnetic, as each of us was greatly magnetic separately, but that together in the same building she could see many other people joining us socially, since we would continue to attract more and more people. She urged me to leave him alone more, to do things more at his own pace, and to give him more affection: "He likes to be touched and to cuddle, and he's very sensual and you could take some lessons from him in just FEELING what's going on around you."
MY WORK she didn't see bringing any problems: she didn't seem to see me working for any large corporation again, but she said that I was so resourceful and full of ideas that I'd never have to worry about money, and that if I really put my mind to it I could make a LOT of money, but I probably wouldn't consider that time well spent. She saw me going through lots of changes "You're in the start of a ten-year cycle where you'll go through LOTS of things, but you're GOOD in sprinkling "fairy dust" around to a lot of areas. It really wouldn't serve you to stay in one working situation for a long time, since you get more out of moving around and sprinkling more "fairy dust" in other places. "I can't see you as a teacher of Actualism, though you COULD do that, but I see you using our intuition to talk to people in ways that Actualism can't: you can zip right in and see things that would be very useful to people," and for a moment I fantasized giving readings as SHE did, but I didn't ask her about that. "You could be connected with the study of something "occultic," like astrology or the tarot, or even Actualism, but I don't see you OPPOSING it" and when I suggested becoming another branch on the "tree of life" of movements like est (which she suggested I might have outgrown: she'd been sitting in the first of the Money seminars and her "Voice," (and she said "I wonder if it could be incarnating ego," and then she laughed and said that the Voice had just said "It's about time you realized that") told her, "If this is what you want, I can save you the five sessions and give you what you need to know right now," and then did so, so she stood up and Irving, the cute Jewish bearded new seminar leader that she saw as having the highest vibrations in the very mixed-vibration room next to hers, said "I see that you got it, sure you can go," and she left and everyone was pleased with it), Actualism, and astrology. She saw me making adequate money in the future, with nothing to worry about that, so I took the risk of telling her about "my unresolved Messianic complex," which I think of myself as STARTING one of these things, not in OPPOSITION to the others, but as a different way of PRESENTING it to the world so that they'd GET it easier, and she said she could see this in such a light way that I couldn't make it very SIGNIFICANT in my reading, but that it was a good possibility. When I asked her about the possibility of wasting time by taking the course in how to teach Joan Ann's course, she looked and said she was quite sure it would HELP in reducing that strange separation between my brain and my solar plexus-heart centers, change my point of view on lots of things, and lead me into new areas of self-discovery which would be good for me, just as the bodywork has turned out to be very good for me. I said that I wanted to know what to CUT DOWN on so that I'd have more time, and she looked and said that I got particularly annoyed when something interrupted me when I was deep into writing, and she said that I should just continue with this, that I was getting things done and would continue to get things done, and that I shouldn't worry so much about "getting through" since I'd be investigating lots of different areas in the next ten years. At the end she said she'd "felt" that I didn't want to be highly activated about reincarnation: I asked her about it and she said it would be better to wait for next time: "We've just scratched the surface; I only told you about your most recent previous life, but I tuned in and found that if I sent you to people who DO life-regressions, you'd just fight against it," and I described my intense ability to "make things wrong" so that I needn't blame myself when I no longer devoted any time to them. I asked about acupuncture, and she said that she saw a great lack of communication between us that didn't help me, and if I'd go back, I should go back to someone ELSE, but that I didn't particularly need it, but when "I put my thumbs on your astral pressure points, you had a very responsive meridian." I asked about travel, and she said I benefited a lot from it, but didn't address any specific trips in the near future. She preferred cash rather than a check, said she saw that lots of these ideas were "firmly incorporated into your aura already," and that I'd be assimilating continually for the next week or so, even up to a month, and that it would be good if I came home and wrote down what I remembered, and I said "I was just about to ask you about that." We then did brushdowns, she had to leave at 2, so I got there just at 11:30 and we started about 11:45 after a glass of water and a tour of her apartment, and stopped about 1:45, so it was two full hours, and I'm probably going to remember lots more details, so I think I'll start a new page for later notes. (9/25/78) She also said that I would be wise to cut down on salt, again as Dennis would model me into doing, and when she brushed me down, having just praised me for something, I felt that I was absolutely ELECTRIC with happiness, beaming with my WHOLE BODY, and I could possibly sense something that I MIGHT take for a Human, since I could feel an electric tingle when she put her hands up above my head, and could almost feel my hair bristle with static as she started rubbing me down, such an ecstatic feeling that I thought I'd giggle with tears in another minute. When I brushed HER down she mentioned that she was so glad to be around gay guys because she could feel her OWN femininity more, which gave her a problem around straight guys (they all thought she was probably coming on to them, I guess), but with "gay men I can enjoy my femininity much more," and I became very conscious of her loose breasts under her floppy blouse, brushing outside and inside them from the front, moving her open neck to the right and to the left as I brushed down the shoulders, and her hugs were so warm and her kisses so sincere that if I'd been straight I might have had some trouble distancing myself from them. Dennis just said the reading was "very interesting" when he read it, but didn't say anything about any temptation to get a reading for himself, though I mentioned it. Find myself looking forward to more, and maybe I won't even wait a MONTH to get another, but schedule one after two or three weeks have passed. More room to leave.

10/6/78

CHATTING WITH AMY ABOUT "TRAVEL"

She comes into the kitchen to have some chocolate cake, so engrossed in my talking about me and Dennis allowing ourselves to have sex with anyone that she doesn't think till later to say that it was good. She said that she got very activated when she saw the grass growing, since she'd been a real pot-head, a real hippie, and she'd loved acid the few times she took it, glowing with the memory of "clear light" that she said was only an artificial high, but she still wanted it. She talked about "love at first sight" with a number of men, one of them a tall blond fellow in Belgium who spoke French, just as she'd dreamed of him for a few months before. She told of her mother flying from one point to another in Afghanistan (and, like I talk of my mother, she said "Imagine, MY mother flying around Afghanistan!") and the landing gear wouldn't lower. So they buzzed the field about three times while the passengers got more and more panicked and screamy, while her mother looked out the window and saw HER mother (dead) sitting on the wing, smiling, saying, "There's nothing to worry about, Diane!" Then she told of the time in college when she didn't want to be a medium because she didn't want her body to be taken over by anyone, but a HAND came on her shoulder, which then shook her wrist as she drank coffee, spilling it all over the place, so they got into position, took her hands to squeeze for "Yes" and "No," and established he was "Uncle Bob" who wanted to talk to a woman, saying that she couldn't get a divorce now or her husband, his nephew, would kill himself, and she saw a brick window, too. The woman drove her to the house but she didn't see it, then returned another way and saw ANOTHER window and said, "That's it!" and the woman gasped: it was the window of the husband's MISTRESS! She traveled in Bangkok with an old boss and his wife, but she didn't care for it, loved Kyoto, not Tokyo, wanted to travel more, took my advice about looking into Guadeloupe or Martinique for a cheap vacation, said again I'd meet Adam soon, said she didn't know ANSWERS to questions (and seemed piqued at being pushed), but delighted in my books and pictures of Sri Lanka, loved Bali where she saw a prince being cremated, and said that we'd have to get together and talk more, having hardly scratched the surface.

10/27/78

SECOND READING WITH AMY

She's quiet for a long time; we're working with Cosmic Mother, and I'd forgotten her pattern of looking down the centers with the current energy until she mentions that (I'd remarked: "A question floated through my mind, Will I ever know all I WANT to know?" and then I answered myself "But of course I won't: the more I learn the more I WANT to know," and I fugued out for awhile on the difficulty of knowing all about ONE person, let alone knowing about all LIVING persons, let alone knowing about all PAST AND FUTURE persons, let alone knowing all CURRENT knowledge in ONE field, let alone knowing all CURRENT knowledge in ALL fields, let alone knowing ALL knowledge of all fields) she saw Center 1 very open and cosmic-minded, but that the lower centers kept coming back to the mundane: she saw Center 4 thinking about baking brownies, then going off to philosophical matters, then coming back to thinking about baking cookies. She thought that I could open brain-mind more to the cosmic philosophies awaiting it. Then she went down and saw lots of obstructions around the throat, and she began moving about as if in pain, wringing her throat and twisting her head and bobbing it up and down on her chest: she saw my voice as WANTING to come out with great shades of subtlety and range of frequency, but being very forcefully blocked. I recalled my mother and Bob Grossman, in particular, talking about how I squeaked when I talked, telling me not to use my voice so erratically, and she opines that I took these suggestions INTO myself and made them into obstructions to my voice. I mentioned Dennis's singing teacher and how I thought I might go to him, and she said she saw my voice opening up VERY widely in the next month. She said she saw it flying off in all directions, and I should open up more and let it out. She saw the REAR of my field as being quite obstructed, as opposed to the more lighted and cleared front and sides of the field, and I agreed that I had poorest sense there. She said she saw my DYNAMIC quite fully open and operating, but my MAGNETIC appears shuts down and fearful of opening up and being vulnerable. She suggested more "gentleness" in the next couple of months, and that based on an earthed gentleness I could experience a much fuller and richer beingness. I said that that had struck home LAST time, and I WAS gentle with Dennis for awhile, but then I went back to being harsh with him, particularly this morning (and had discussed with her the idea that the resistance to my being at her place was NOT, as she suggested "You got to know me better and knew all my problems and limitations" (for which I hugged her and assured her that was not the case), but that SUSAN (though I hadn't told her where I was going) was making it impossible for me to get there on time by arriving at 9:35 rather than at 9, not going on the table immediately though I insisted that she had only 5 minutes, and then hung around after talking about the class coming up on Saturday. She said she thought she and Susan had had that all ironed out, but maybe she didn't, and then I said maybe this was MY picture based on MY images of their PAST relationship. She said it also brought up resistances in HER to doing the session, too, but I didn't ask about that. I noted how I was sitting, with my right hand CASUALLY over my thigh, my left hand BRACED against my thigh, arm held fairly rigid, and she opened her eyes and said that my left shoulder was also of a different HEIGHT and SHORTER (not as broad) as my right shoulder. She saw something bright in Center 6, saying that I was going to live a VERY long life and prosper more and more: she saw GREEN, which implied to her fertility and creativity, and said that I was going to get better and better. Then she saw a decided LINE between centers 8 and 9, dividing myself into two, separating my SEX life from the REST of my life, and somewhere in here I asked if she ever CENSORED anything, and she said that the MESSAGE would come to her but sometimes SHE would activate and not say anything, and she said that as I encourage to just PASS ALONG these things, it would help her. She said that I didn't have to FLAUNT my sexuality in public, just be more sexual in the way I presented myself. She saw me having more to do with women, and I told her about Dennis's comment about my bodywork crew AND his friendships with older women, and she said my connections here would increase. She took a look at Rolf and said that she saw a previous life as an Englishman very into serous studies of almost anything, and then again as an Englishman who planted trees, in consequence of which "the trees loved him" and she saw a particular old tree, very broad and bushy, with a bark that was light in color and rather light in leaves, that was very friendly to him, and she said that he should spend a lot of time outdoors, that the city life wasn't best for him, that she saw him with trees and plants and animals, that he'd planted lots of trees in his lifetimes and that's why they loved him, and I said he DID get out a lot. She said it was strange for someone's past lives to come in so strongly, and she continued to look at him, saying that he was shy, but that after an initial withdrawal he permitted her to come inside. He felt very warmly to me, that's why he sought me out as a friend, but she got a very outgoing affectionate feeling from his HUMAN that was NOT at all reflected in his creature body, so she said that I should be very careful in my words with him, using kid gloves to handle him, but that I shouldn't be VERY worried, he could handle a lot, and "it's not like walking on eggs." I told her about the goodnight kiss last night and even asked "What if I made a habit---no, that wouldn't work, because that would take the emotion out of it." Thereby answering my own question. She said that it would really be up to HIM to make the aggressive move, since he NEEDED it as practice: it was his SOUL lesson in this life to be THOROUGHLY in love with someone, which I agreed would be hard for him, though when he permitted it, he was very affectionate. Let Dennis and him work out their OWN relationship. She saw me (Aries) and Dennis (Leo) with a Sagittarius (Rolf?) (or Theo). She said she saw the red in his aura shifting around, so that at times he WOULD be affectionate but at times he WOULD repel any advances, but that I should come from MY feelings, as I did last night, and it would be all right. She thought to drop him again, then continued again, saying that she sensed him clutching his heart and keeping it to himself, and then said something about his lack of health. I was about to tell her about his epithelioma removal yesterday, but she said not to give too many details, but she never got close to it, saying only that he shouldn't eat wheat products, since they disagreed with him. She was glad that I took grape juice and lecithin and brewer's yeast into my diet, and looking in said that the only thing I might add more of was lemon juice, and I laughed and said that she'd mentioned salt in the first reading and now lemon juice, which were the two items that Dennis always said I always said to add to dishes that didn't quite make it. She suggested some lemon juice in water a few times a week, and I ejaculated that everything was connected, that BRUCE had been drinking that and recommending it to me. When we came out of it once I told her about the index waiting for her, and said she might want to meet Rolf again, who's coming over at 3, and might want to read my OLD report on her first reading, and she said it would be interesting, and I mentioned that I indicated something sexual (masturbation) which she'd probably seen but not brought up. In working with my throat she'd heard Indian chants---American Indian chants, and then later she said that I would have a VERY powerful energy of HEALING, and AGAIN she heard the Indians, and she tuned into two of them, "male, though sex doesn't mean as much when it comes to spirits," and I asked for a name, and she said that the "silent one" didn't have one (though she said they may just be two aspects of the same person), but the other was "White---their names don't translate, they say names are just VIBRATIONS and their vibrations don't translate into English very well---Elk," and then she inquired and found that that was as close as she could get, but that White FIRE Elk was even closer to the sound of it. I felt pleased, blessed as I'd said, and she said they'd come home with me. She said they were of the Buffalo Tribe, and before she said she saw a headdress with two horns on my head. I suggested it might be Polish and warlike, she said it was feathers and Indian and peaceful, blazing up all around my head. "There are LOTS of energies there, LOTS of things going on, but if you like that and can handle it, that's fine for you." She asked again when I inquired, and sort of smiled and said that her Incarnating Ego was being humorous and making puns, as it could do, and said "YES we're AMERICAN Indians," and she saw them as being very good people, good with the land, and she'd remarked before about the LAND in Florida being very good because the Indians had lived there. She told me I could get very much more into my emotional side, that I should try to be more open and vulnerable, and I felt tears coming to my eyes and asked her about the connection between tears and happiness and sorrow, and she said that each situation was its own: SOME were tears of simple happiness and SOME revealed underlying sorrow, so it was just up to me to look and see. But she said it was wonderful when I could cry with someone, and I thought of the emotion on Arthur's table, with her, and mentioned that the few times I could cry with Dennis HE became very loving and supportive, and mentioned how I'd freaked Paul McLean by crying during "Mefistofeles" when he was stoned for the first time on grass. I said that I DID feel as if I were coming close to this, but DID worry about getting hurt when I was vulnerable, and she tuned in and said that I didn't have to worry too much about that, that the people around me were supportive, and she brought Rolf up again to say that he was attracted to me BECAUSE I could bring him into new areas of socialization that he really needed (and I laughed and said that was VERY true), and she encouraged me to be moved by my feelings more. Toward the end she stretched and said we'd better be finishing, and I thought I'd been in only a short time, but found that it was 1:25 already, much to my surprise. We agreed that it was a VERY good session, and I gave her the $25, she said she wanted to stay around and assimilate what she'd been doing, that she felt pretty spacey after such a powerful reading, and she'd come over later in the afternoon for the index, if she could fit it in with come of her other errands she had to run. I felt very warm with her while brushing down, and she liked Alice's new method of caressing the face during the front brushdowns. Feel that I'm forgetting things that she said, but now that I have most of them down I can note what I remember. She remarks "I see you checking through letters of the alphabet to get your index list," and I laugh to see Owen Urrengren (?) downstairs and think he'd fit in well. On list of 12 names I have 16 letters, so only 10 to go, or 5 people. She remarks on my feminine family and I say that from 12 I was in family with Grandmother, Mother, and Sister.

12/5/78

READING 3 WITH AMY

NO SALT! That's the message that came across loudest. When, in the middle, she was sending pain in my throat center, she said that meat was OK, but no mucus-forming foods like starches and pastries, but that lemon juice and grape juice have been good, that things seem better and brighter, and that my new ingestion of selenium and ginseng and gotu kola and calcium was good, but that citric acid, lemon juice, and soups WITHOUT salt would be the best thing to have. She also said she saw something irritated about my right eye ??? (when I told her about Thanksgiving at Catherine's she said that she sensed it was an allergic reaction to the cat), which would improve with warm wet towels applied underneath and around my neck. She said she felt that I carried a lot of tension in my eyes and that I could relax them more, and I was surprised to feel that I COULD sense relaxation o my eyes when I tried it, saying that I'd felt it before in my shoulders, but it was odd to feel it in my eyes. She started with a greatly expanded Center 1, saying that if I WANTED expanded horizons, all I'd have to do was go up to Center 1, and it was right there! But I kept probing and measuring, which wasn't bad, but it wasn't using it with joy. In Center 2 she insisted she saw lots of changes in good feeling to my family: that my mother's mother had come in to say that I should forgive and extend more kindness, which I'd started doing already (I wrote the nice letters to my mother and my sister and my aunt, not mentioning anything about being gay), and she says that my sister may be depressed and need some cheering up: "She particularly needs IRON for more red blood cells and more vitality, and I see her working with her hands; her FINGERS are just HUNGRY for something to do." I say she was into macramé, and she said perhaps I could telephone her and get her out of the doldrums, speaking "as sister to sister," since that's what she needed, and it dawns on me that I'd talk to her when she was living with Mom, but I'd not spoken to her since she'd married Denny, at HER place. (So I phoned her between 2:35 and 3 pm!). She said she saw me "getting a hard blow" about age 8 which "took me directly out of childhood and into adulthood," which took away the fantasy of childhood and started the practical down-to-earth person I became. But I couldn't think of anything that happened about that time, telling her about how much I was touched by the climax of "Prodigal Son" and realized maybe at that time that I'd NEVER have a father I could cling to like the "Son" did. I told her about my father's dying, when I had to tell Mom and cart Grandma back and forth from the hospital, and she said I'd better see Grandma soon if I want to see her alive, since she's getting very old: she saw her toothless mouth. We chatted about her a lot. Said that Denny wasn't very strong-minded in the family, and Rita probably could control him, but that if she didn't give him the children he wanted, he might not want the marriage. Anything was possible for her, but she would have to decide what she really WANTED: a job or children; singleness or marriage. Told her about how much I disliked Catherine Ellis and she said "She's more to be pitied: send her some light, she's sick and might not have much more time to live." She said I should particularly send Wisdom light to Rita. As for the indexing, she saw Adam giving "sparks" to the project, thinking big, prodding Rolf into working more, giving the company a "built-in lawyer" which would be helpful, and she saw him as benefiting the project. At a point she started talking about my trip, at the end of January, and I said "I'm not going to say anything before YOU do," and only at the end did she realize that THEY are going on vacation the end of January. She said Adam wanted to go to a resort and soak, but if she wanted something more interesting, she could plan it and he'd go along with it. I asked if she saw a waterfall (along with the palm trees and beaches and green mountains and the little white plane that I'd be taking after the liner to get where I was going), and she said "Not particularly," so I told her that I associate THAT with the SOUTHERN Caribbean and Angel Falls with Andre, but sunlight I associate with the NORTHERN Caribbean and the Bahamas and Eluthera and Harbor Island and Spanish Wells, particularly when she saw something about "snake eyes," which she said "could mean actual snakes, or gambling, or something connected with ESP." I said I wanted to feel the mystery Susan felt about Spanish Wells, see the walls of Atlantis, and explore the coast of Bimini for the Fountain of Youth, willing to take a pool-intro to scuba if I could go underwater in the safe Bahamas that afternoon. Then she started talking about the Indians again, saying that this time there was the main one and possibly a LOT more of them, all standing on the golden grain of plains, the prairie, on which they lived, and she agreed that before she'd mentioned the Buffalo Tribe, which h would also be on the plains. She started talking as they would talk, saying they were "happy from their heads," which was why they wore such elaborate headdresses, and she saw them happy that I was here to chant their medicine songs and help to cure people in groups. She also said she saw me doing "my first intro class" sometime in the next few months, mentioning someone who'd be glad to take it with me, and I mentioned Andre and Terry and Barbara leaving their jobs who might be interesting in coming, and she thought maybe Adam would like to take it, too. Back to the Indians, she said she saw something about the harvest: I would continue to sow the seeds I was sowing now, and I'd reap the harvest in either September or 8 months from now, which would be July, and she said that it would be DURING the period from July to September. She saw the indexing business continue as a trickle as I was starting out, nicely as she thought, and thought it might be a good idea of think of an indexing book as a classroom syllabus, but she didn't say anything about anything coming from my OTHER writing. She seemed so pleased about my space that I could go into, she said she saw the Human just SITTING there waiting to be recognized: "What HUGE hands," and that I'd soon begin to experience them in my arms and legs, and I reported feeling strong tingles in my arms right then. I said that the intro course gave me more PHYSICAL sensations, so maybe this will be next, and she seemed overjoyed with the idea that I could open up more and branch out into new experiences. She spoke again about my teaching using possibly the TOOLS of Actualism, but not actually IN the school of Actualism, saying this would be in the future. She saw my relationships with my family definitely expanding and "getting fluffy" with love and understanding, and I wondered about the chances for Mom's coming to NYC for Christmas. She saw me continuing to grow and experience new things, and she kept insisting that I should continue with the singing lessons: "The Indians say that the TONE is the most important thing: the lessons aren't important it's the TONE, that which IS, which is the main thing," and I said it sounded like Dorothy Hunter talking about Eurythmy. She said that she felt my neck being sore, that I was holding back at the back of the throat, and that I was already making adjustments in my posture so that my head would float more freely on the neck, and she said she'd give me Alexander tips on working with that if I wanted. She said she had already realized she wouldn't do her readings along with Actualism teaching, but that TEACHING would depend on if she and Adam were staying together: if they were she'd continue with readings and Alexander and stay just a STUDENT of Actualism. She was blown away with the idea of our traveling together and said we'd have to talk about it, and suggested Adam and Rolf and me cold get together Saturday morning around 11. Once she said she saw my eyes wanting very much to SEE more naturally, talking about my "limited but very piercing vision with very blue eyes" and I said "I think you might have JOHN in here," and she tuned in and said that we were different but in many ways the same, and she was talking about me. I had to bathe my eyes, she said here. She felt lots of concentration in the pelvis, amazed that Hilty dealt with that too, saying that I should let the energy flow through more freely, being less significant and more free with it, and I sort of took that as trying more sex with more people. She saw an enormous development in the Will center, centering MUCH more with dealing with people, which was very good for me and for the people, though she said that if I thought Arthur's class would be "messy" (she sees me running a small but very neat and tight ship, and I speak of Arthur's sloppy sloop and she laughs), I should stay away from it, and that would be very appropriate. I asked if I could bring over a tape recorder sometimes, since I was afraid of missing many of the details, and she said it had bothered her in the past, the noise of it, but it was something she should work through, and maybe we could try it next time. She gave me a cover for the shower-curtain rod "for a birthday present" and said maybe I should ask my sister what she'd want for her birthday. She agreed she could do the index by Wednesday if she held to her schedule, and she was willing to talk to Ute about it to learn how to do it. She didn't say anything about centers 3, 4 connected to the eyes and to the sensitive epithelial lining of the nose and mouth and eyes, saying that it is easily irritated, and it's good that I'm no longer taking cayenne, 8, and in 9 she only talked about how I should just continue to work and work and work in indexing, and it would all turn out for the best, though she came out of it to say "You could HIRE# someone to plug it into the computer, so Rolf isn't really needed by the group," and she laughed at "That boy, Adam, you never know what he might be coming up with next." She talked of the great changes for Rolf, who might not want so much responsibility so fast or he'd crumble, since it WAS hard to work with someone who wasn't mentally stable, and I wondered vaguely if she might not be using her "gift" to further Adam's position with me. She enjoyed Karen Hubert's and my talking about her, and she said that just PRINTING her cards made it easier for her to get work now. We chatted about the swimming pool in the basement of the house going up on the Promenade at the end of her block, which was going to be a multifamily dwelling with the owners taking part of the space, and about the schedule for the index. She said that I should open out my magnetic more, and I said I'd probably closed it because I'd been feeling "put upon" but she said I should keep it open, nice things would happen, and that I'd have to use my dynamic too to get people for my intro class. Guess I should think of that as starting in February as I'm going on vacation at the end of January! She urged more lemon on me, citric acid, was glad that my Indians were very subtle in talk so that I'd have to get used to their communications, and that each developed different chants and medicines depending on where on the earth (they didn't like "the planet") they developed. Noon to 2, both wrapped up in blankets which we kept warm in in the under heated apartment that damp day.

12/24/78

TALK WITH AMY ABOUT READING BUSINESS

She still delights in giving me credit for pushing her to get her cards, which "announced" her willingness to give readings, and she's been told by many who have been to the LEADING psychic readers that she equals or SURPASSES them in the veracity of readings and may exceed their skills in putting things into a more positive, action-taking, nondirective framework. So she's feeling very good about it, and I suggest that she raise her prices since she's figuring that she and Adam won't be together forever, that's what she sees anyway, and that someday she'll want to support herself in a comfortable style with her Alexander work and her readings. I say that she should, however, since I'm biased, retain her lesser price for her more faithful clients. She says that's a good idea, but she still has trouble putting it out that she's GOOD, and I say that she should talk to Pope, since both of them seem to have the same sorts of problems. Mara at Amy's party said an interesting detail, I think truthfully, that Amy used to be able to read astrological charts, but then she began to pick up things by just brushing her hand over the charts themselves, which led her to the position of having confidence in her ability to "read" without having ANY aids such as charts about. She said that sex between her and Adam wasn't even that good, but I observed, which she thought was GREAT, that she seemed to be coming from POWER, and maybe things would work better if she came from LOVE OF HIM rather than POWER OVER HIM. She said I was so SMART, and then echoed it louder when I suggested that she invite the people who wanted to join her in a pre-party gathering to come EARLY so that even Adam didn't have to attend, and the people who would be turned off by this would come LATER and not have to be confronted by it. She LOVED looking in my souvenir case, wanted me to bring the Taj Mahal to the party, which I forgot, loved looking at the Indian headdress, fingered some of the other things, and said that she'd like to take more time looking through my treasures. Then she helped me clean up the wine, but it stained, and I'm happy to have cleaned it so that she can see that it's gone TODAY, Sunday!

1/12/79

FOURTH READING WITH AMY

She said she'd been thinking of working in something she'd never worked in before but "wondered what it could be, Ruby Red?" So I came in and suggested we work in Ruby Red and she smiled and smiled. As we sat down she said "I'm really glad you're here again since I like so much talking with you and reading for you," and later she said something about how everyone seemed to get so much out of being with me and liked me. I smiled and smiled and thanked her a lot. She said she's be talking more time, and first of all she said that she was delighted with the increased amount of room she seemed to have inside. I suggested it might have been the salt decrease, and she said she thought that might be true: less salt, less mucus production, clearer lungs, better-working urinary system, better circulation, so she thought that was great. "Usually I work with systems that are on the downgrade, just deteriorating. It's great to work with a system that's getting better." Before we went into the room she said she could see sparks and jets on my aura, that INDEED lots of things were going on, and she liked the looks of most of it. "You're going to the theater a lot more, recently, and that's good. Art's taking more of a back seat, and that's proper." I thought that was strange unless she considered "The Ruins" and "Lord of the Rings" as theater since I hadn't been to live performances since Bali with her December 21 or the show at the Ice Palace October 3, an unusually LONG time away from the theater! She also said, "I see travel taking a back seat, not that you're not interested in it, but it's not top priority," and when I told her about "the sky falling" twice with the Caribbean trip, she said, "I didn't think it would work when you said you'd be traveling in February. I thought then that you'd better start in January to get it all in." I said I'd probably cancel it and mentioned her house, at which she said they had it for the last two weeks in January so they'd be going up on the 19th-21st alone, and she'd be back on the 22nd, and THEN they'd see about inviting anyone up. "Your mother isn't as much of a shrew now as she was before," she observes another time, "but she doesn't like to be crossed --- wow, not at ALL. I just gave her a poke in the midriff and she slipped and fell on the ice and BOY IS SHE MAD!" I can well imagine! She talked about Colonel Davis, saying that he was so friendly and warm with me because he had been my father in a previous life. "You didn't get into the army this time because you're not intended to deal with that kind of warfare this lifetime --- and in a previous lifetime I see you in Japan during the 1500's, a writer, writing with these brushes --- like calligraphy? I interrupt --- yes, it was beautiful, as everything was intended for beauty as well as function in those days, but it was also meaningful, political philosophy --- there were wars going on around you, the warlords were fighting, but you weren't drawn into it. You sort of sat in the middle of it and let it all pass by, just writing. Your wife was like the women then: very small, beautiful skin (I thought of Dennis right then!), looked only to serve you, but since you didn't want much of anything except writing, she just had to bring you your meals and wash your brushes and fix your ink and such. You were happy but she didn't have very much to do with your life. Very sweet, she was; very pretty." It was only LATER that she thought the wife might be Dennis, and in checking she found that it WAS. "THAT could give you problems now!" she laughed. "Can you see an intervening life," I asked, "that would shed more light on some of his not wanting to answer questions or take responsibility? I'm willing to treat him like an adult until he trots out his child, and then I go right into my parent. I don't like that but I wish he'd stop being a child." "Let me tell you something about the way I read past lives," she said somewhere in here. "It's not around you, in layers, so that this one close in is the most previous, the next one out is the next prior, like the layers of an onion; they all flow into one another: if an influence was VERY great from a DISTANT past life, that would be right up against you, but something from your immediate past life might not even be there at all." Then she looked farther and said, "In the next life I see him as a doctor, in Yugoslavia, in one of those old villages where the houses are built up on stilts and they have very black sides, so I guess they're very old, and they don't look very sanitary, either. There was a terrible pestilence, something that started in that village, something that was an animal disease that was passed on to man and caused them to die, but Dennis, even though he had wanted to take on MORE responsibility in his next life, bit off more than he could chew. He really didn't want to go out and treat the sick and dying. He was afraid. YOU were there, too, very much in authority, shouting at him that he had to go out and treat the sick --- I can't tell if you were a wife or a sister or a mother --- THAT would be interesting! --- but you certainly had authority in the family. He was afraid of the pestilence, didn't know what to do, and lots of people died and he felt very guilty about it --- and then she came out of it and addressed me directly --- and I can't say there's a happy ending to it, either, so it's not finished, there's still karma to be worked out, and it's coming up again in this life." I'd asked her if she thought I could tell Dennis, with no ill-effect, about his life as my Japanese wife, and she sort of laughed and said, "Try it and see what happens; he may not be too interested in this sort of thing because he's never come HERE before," (and I was rather surprised that she thought he might), "but I wouldn't tell him about the Yugoslavian doctor. That might be a bit too much for him." I asked her to tell me more about my immediate past life as a baker --- I sort of assumed it was in Italy or in Brooklyn. She laughed. "No, it was in Europe, but north of Italy, and not in the Alps, either, sort of to the northeast where it's more flat. I don't know what the countries were there --- (I vaguely guessed Austria-Hungary) --- but you baked VERY haute cuisine pastries, VERY carefully laying down the loaves of dough and putting on jams and sugar and spices, making VERY perfect cakes. There's your perfectionism again!" Not much notice of the gay and carefree attitude I seemed to have had before, I thought. Nor did she seem so reluctant as in the past to delve into my past lives, but I said nothing about it. She said that I was going into many projects, would be very busy and possibly overworked. "Take care of your chest during the next few days," she said, pawing at her chest and kneading her blouse-neck. "I see a lot of phlegm and mucus and you could catch a cold if you get over-tired and don't relax enough. Don't take it too hard." At another time she said, "I see you writing. You might even write a book!" she said brightly, and then I guess I told her about the agent who said I should be writing inquiries NOW to publishers, and she said she thought she'd seen something like that. Again she was talking, without too much detail, about lots of projects coming up and when I mentioned the computer (which she said she wishes I hadn't), she looked and saw me sitting ALONE at a desk "with white wings on the sides of it, sort of like a plane," which was my computer, and she saw someone "from Europe" standing behind me who wasn't INVOLVED in it but was interested in me. I mentioned that Andre was from Europe and she thought of him as Asian but then recalled that he DID seem more European than Asian, and she remarked that I had quite an influence over him, sort of protected him in a friendly way with my arm around him, and he really looked up to me as to an older brother. I laughed and said that he accused me of setting an example by quitting IBM, which cause him to leave his MD role at Harlem Hospital. "He thinks very highly of you and you have a great influence over him," she repeated, and when I said he might be thinking of investing in the computer himself, she didn't mention anything at all about the possibility of Adam being involved. "You'll have to furnish most of the impetus for it yourself," she said, seemingly contradicting Rolf's stated working on the program specifications, "but treat yourself to a new toy; it'll have VERY many additional uses to you. You'll be able to do ALL KINDS of new and interesting things on it. You won't want to use it only for indexing and it'll be just great, what comes out of it." I thought of graphics and computer games and even designs with classical music and decided that it was SO expensive that I'd just have to let it slide. I'd told her that I'd been giving myself a vacation these past two weeks and enjoying myself but that I'd have to get back to indexing, particularly if we decided on the trip, which DID seem to be taking a back seat as we talked. She said I could continue to treat myself, having a lot of fun, and that I didn't have to worry about things working out. She said something, again, previously, about seeing my mother selling her house and moving into an apartment, but that was all to the good. She was happier there, was drawing in as she was getting older, but the money would come in handy for me, and she couldn't quite see the connection with what she'd said about my mother before, but again I thought about her "you won't have to worry about her for the next 15 years at least" from before. She spoke again about my sister's not maturing very fast but she didn't say much more.

6/30/79

FUTURE HISTORY VIA AMY'S VOICE

How intriguing to write a story based on what Amy says her voice wants: Civilization goes downhill via DC-10 crashes, gas shortages, nuclear disasters, food poisonings, newly discovered environmental diseases, race/sex/economic warfare, new rural and urban violence, increasing decay of schools, upheaval in world churches, increase in interest in mysticism during which even weirder sects blossom than Jonestown, and then cataclysmic earthquakes and plagues following decimate the human race, but in undoing the skein of economic interdependencies (highways built as pork barrel Congressional plums to states that don't need them) to perpetuate the bank's investments in automobiles and tires and the gas/oil industries, levered by foreign and Arabian investments, where politics and education and consumerism and childbearing and -birthing and hospitalization and doctors are so INGRAINED through habit and indoctrination that the LOOSENING of all these ties makes man realize they don't NEED to eat sugar, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, that they don't NEED cars and money and houses to be comfortable, and outside the city environment you don't NEED air conditioning, that earth-dug houses are better than high-rises, that you're outside farming all the day and SLEEPING all the night, and you don't NEED additives outside of natural food, don't NEED cosmetics if you have to fight for survival, don't NEED restaurants and the luxuries of the big cities if you're busy with subsistence farming, but that there's still time for TALK and LOVE and freedom, and this story is read and people are drawn to the group around Amy so that her voice CAN have the audience it wants to reconstruct the world along more NATURAL lines, so that we can travel via THOUGHT rather than jet, learn through TELEPATHY and not through books and TV programs, meet through HARMONIZATION than through blind-date programs, can find SPIRITUAL families that increase the range of contact so that "social events" become "family events" of stimulation, ranges of conversation, food, non-alcoholic beverages, absence of drugs of ANY kind, holistic healing and curing, loving dissolution of mental illnesses, and a Garden of Eden restructured on the fertilizer of our current aborting civilization.

2/20/81

AMY'S PSYCHIC ABILITIES CLASS, 1/11/81

We gathered at 11, waited until 11:30 for final student (there were 4 of us: me, the stewardess Sheila, the novice, and another woman). Amy led an Actualism-type gathering with introduction to the White Star, short notes of how to go about it, and emphasized that we're just DOING it, we're not going for ACCURACY, which makes ME feel good (as it should, since Amy stated that the brochure and course was designed for me SPECIFICALLY). Then she handed out paper for the Present Life Reading, which I exchanged with Sheila (from notes): Sheila at 6: LOTS of kids together---shouting, running. LARGE gray metal object. Peaked---roof? Wooded hilltop? Snow and cold? Round yellow canisters. She said that NONE of this applied, but I was amazed at VISUALNESS. Sheila at 14: "Sound of Music"-like: "The hills are alive with the sound of music." Gray day---Gray wolf? Yellow-and-orange candy corn. Blood, menstrual? Train---in wooded hills? AGAIN she said none of it triggered. Sheila at 21: Marriage? PARENTS married? School---"Belles of St. Trinians." Uniform with black shoes and dark gray ribbed stockings and flat caps---teeth? Worried brow (definitely a HIT for her!). "Open door with a rush at Christmas." "Confined in narrowness." Small piece of silver jewelry. She denied the uniform but AMY said SHE saw a uniform, at which point Sheila remembered that at 21 she'd gotten her first STEWARDESS'S uniform.

CHAKRAS:

1. Upper room---very radiating---OUT-FLOWING "point source."
2. Crown center---VERY open and receptive---not SO much DOWN flowing.
3. Third eye---large, THINLY veiled with yellow, "overfed---needs exercise."
4. Throat---small and closed.
5. Thymus---wild---no reading, blank.
6. Heart---large, warm, receptive.
7. Solar plexus---large but unopened.
9. Organizational center---cluttered, obstructed, full of blockage.
9. Sexual center---small but receptive.
Scan body---check health---few negative sensations.

PAST-LIFE READING

Senator---U.S.---old---Lincoln's time---guilt for failed responsibility.
1) What unfinished business is there left hanging from the past?
2) What has ALREADY been accomplished? What have you HAD in the line of skills and abilities and experiences?
AURAS---visible energy field---large egg-shaped field around body.
Be prepared for the unexpected---and expect RAPID INSTANT changes.
STRUCTURES in aura: caps above head; dunce cap---is WISDOM cap; LOCATION is important.
TRANSLUCENT color: fine; MUDDY THICK color---holding back.
Yellow---rational, analytical, thinking CLEARLY---scientist and rational mind.
Red---heart and STRONG feelings---AROUND heart, PASSIONATE FEELING; around SEXUAL AREA, sexual feelings.
Orange---communicative---reaching out and contacting people.
Pink---love and sweetness and balance---lots in CHILDREN. For AMY: Pregnancy is DEEP RED with GOLD BANDS holding fetus in.
Gold---protective qualities, spiritual quality, over head as in halo---has INSIGHT.
Silver---1) Great CHANGE coming in person's life---SLICES through aura like thunderbolt.
2) DIFFUSE silver---warm, maternal, lunar, dreamy (maybe spacey).
Blue---mental, a thinker, understanding through MIND, not FEELINGS. Strong ELECTRIC blue---after PROFOUND wisdom. DARK muddy blue---after DATA. Blue FLASH when telling the TRUTH.
Emerald Green---creativity, fertility, imagination, and love of nature.
Soothing, calming, healing. Also lots of objectivity---no illusions.
Gray---1) Transparent: undecided, uncommitted; 2) THICK: problem getting INVOLVED in life; schizoid.
Light apple green---regeneration and healing---SIGNIFICANT transformation.
Brown---depression, especially over head; stagnation. "Shake it up, baby."
Purple---spirituality. STRONG purple, on this planet for SERVICE.
Violet---strength, courage, and initiative---undertaking something NEW. Active, not afraid of truth.
Black---bad moral character; power for SAKE of power.
ETHERIC body is one NEXT OUT from physical. Look in mirror for thin white piping around body.
Auras: 1) eyes CLOSED, PICTURE person opposite, and observe colors FLYING through picture.
2) Eyes OPEN, person before LIGHT backdrop---gaze ABOVE head and SCAN and WAIT for colors to appear.
For Sheila: Pinkish red (after-image of green blouse?)---gold around.
Touch of blue on HER right, green on HER left.
But during this, about 4 pm, it became clear that we were mentally DRAINED, and so Amy didn't go on with reading photographs and reading objects.
We sat around and chatted, everyone pleased with the class and progress made today.

 

7/2/81
NOTES FOR SHELAH

I'd kept and taken and listed topics, but now I'll type them in one place:

A: PERSONAL TOPICS

1. How can I best IMPACT mankind?
2. Look at map of Mexico/Guatemala.
3. Regina's bone chip and Alexander work?
4. More about RACES.
5. Talk about MY filters?
6. Continue typing and PUBLISH readings, misunderstood or damaging?
7. Wagner manuscripts---Wagner to Ludwig to Wittolsbachs to Hitler?
8. Lost BOY? Etan Patz.
9. WHY Amy's blood-fear of Mexico, who WAS she?
10. Do you NEED to be invited to baths or Mineshaft---can I channel LIGHT there?
11. Particular TRANSLATION of Confucius good?
12. Who ALL do you have ACCESS to, as for Actualism question---who did you speak to for THAT?
13. What KIND of accent do you have? (2-17)
14. Can I go where YOU are after this body dies?
15. What BOOKS could I read for "field equation info" for higher frequencies (from SMART: Problems of Space and Time, p. 287)
16. You speak of PHYSICAL, SPIRIT (less physical---human?), ASTRAL (human?) bodies. Are there others (field?), and WHERE do they fit in order on the frequency spectrum?
17. Frequency is WHAT: times/sec; times/inch; times/unit-time??
18. Healing around me---FROM where?

B. GROUP TOPICS

1. Speak of Atlantis? Colonies? Ruins?
2. You had only 3-4 earth-lives and are not committed to earth-level: what level ARE you committed to? What is it like where you are?
3. How far can Russia be trusted?
4. Earthquakes soon, or impending changes?
5. ACTUAL nature to reality and time-space?
6. Do you move AS easily in space AS in time?
7. Different frequency: a) atoms/non-atoms? b) higher-orders of KNOWN equations? (and JUST TODAY I type the note "h is a constant; is h2 the "higher-frequency" constant of "second generation" matter---actually pieces of HUMAN? And h3, h4, and MORE??
8. Christ through PRESENT churches or ASIDE from churches?
9. WRITINGS that sum up the ASPECTS of Christ you want to magnify?
10. Love-Desire to Serve, or love Desire-to-Serve?
11. Creative use of time.
12. Speak of GROUP energy-braiding.
13. Recap Laws of Manifestation?
14. Speak of our deeper, soul names. "Robert, less flippant than Bob."
15. More about Iran and Shah. "WATAM (Watt-ame"
16. Ask about mantrams---Man looking for mirror in order to know himself.
17. "Speak of group through third eye."
18. DO: Swallow name and ??? meditate? Lincoln sensate 1(?) Center shirt(?)

DO: Add Faith, and see connectedness and centeredness. My parent-stone: fire opal.

20. Dennis vs. dog-body; Robert vs. female-body; Amy and Dana versus???
21. Political question---next President? Kennedy or Brown, NEITHER!

SECOND GROUP:

1. Future (and help of) Actualism
2. Earthpoint?
3. Catastrophe-futures?
4. Dentists of future?
5. YOU willing to be TESTED? A) What did I get in the mail? B) Take ON Randi's $10,000 ESP challenge? Send shapes and colors---record times on pad---include Dana---error messages. Dana: stare at water. Tacher's MANTLE is BASIS (?)
Call MICHAEL for Comfort and Joy!

WHEN DOES THE SOUL JOIN THE BODY??

a. Egg-cell in mother? (about 300 manufactured)
b. Sperm-cell in father? (billions wasted)
c. At sperm-fertilization of egg?
d. During embryo-fetus development?
e. At the moment of birth?

THINGS FOR ME TO DO (FROM sheLAH'S TAPES)

1. Wine in MODERATION (1-2)
2. Lots of liquids (water and fruit juices) (1-2)
3. Sofa laying with warm towel over eyes to relax (1-3)
4. Ask digestive system its feelings (1-5)
5. Earth-Point letter (1-7)
6. Mung sprout ingestion (1-8)
7. Emotional content of co-workers (1-11)
8. From squares to rounded TUNNELS of thought (1-12)
9. Carry my body in bright colors (1-17)
10. Daily brisk walk (2-1)
11. Lay off amyl (2-4)
12. Sleep 2-5 hours twice a day (2-6)
13. (mistaken entry) (Particular translation of Confucius good, it said)
14. Color and movement and light in apartment (2-6)
15. Garlic in kitchen (2-7) (no grass) (red geranium)
16. Follow natural rhythms of creative impulse (2-8)
17. Select a new book (2-10)

MY LIFE SEEMS FALLING APART: (this was OVER a year ago---here's ANSWERS!)

1. Dennis and me drifting apart. Truer yet
2. Teeth and gums worsening. Now fixed
3. Leave NYC---but to where? Heidelberg
4. Doing less; enjoying that LESS less. More
5. Dark Night of the Soul? Maybe
6. Less "Progress" in Actualism---left back? (was); DO I have to believe it? (Yes); WHEN will I sense it? (in NSH, NOW!); SENSITIVE to mass-mind? I don't know.
7. Getting OLDER---is THIS male menopause? If so, it's somewhat better now!