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1977 11 of 11

DIARY 12534

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 28. We're up about 8, Dennis making coffee, me making the bed, and I start looking through the rest of the cards, going over some of them with him, but just as I finish the last batch he has to go off to his singing class at 11:15. I'd made breakfast of bacon and omelets in the only remaining frying pan, and then did the dishes, cleaning out the tiny scoop of mayonnaise from the bottom of the blender into a wineglass. He'd buzzed that the mail was here, and I went down to find a copy of "Of Time and Stars" inscribed "For Bob Zolnerzak, to complete your collection! Best wishes, Arthur C. Clarke/ Colombo 20 Nov 77." I feel MARVELOUS about that, look at other things, phone Pope to get no answer, then phone Arnie and talk to him from about 12 to about 1:30, finding all about movies at 42nd Street and various other things, and then I figure I have to get down to typing diary pages, so I start working on them, and then Dennis returns about 2:15, I show him the book and we get back to looking at the last bit of editing that I wanted him to do on the index, and then after a couple of hours on THAT get back to working on these pages. Figure he might be hungry about 5, and go in to find him getting a spoonful of peanut butter, hunching his shoulders, back to me, like a discovered child. I fry some Spam and finish the last of the bread with the homemade mayonnaise, and then he gets back to the index and I to this, getting a call from Bruce between 6-7 where we BOTH talk a lot about Carol Ann, and he says that the (see DIARY 12533). I finish typing these 15 pages by 8 pm, ready for TV! Watch "Return of the Incredible Hulk" with Ferrigno given more credit for his role, and ANOTHER sob story about a crippled girl being poisoned by her stepmother for the family fortune, with William Daniels as an unscrupulous doctor. That goes to 8, with him wandering off to yet MORE adventures, with more facial-step transformations, and I watch the end of "The Merry Widow" from 10-11, getting Dennis to watch the final credits for San Diego friends, and then he continues typing, I watch Joanne Woodward with Dick Cavett, do some things around the apartment as he keeps on typing, and then about 1 say that I'm going to bed, and he joins me, but AGAIN we don't have sex.

DIARY 12538

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 29. He's up about 9 to start typing, and I make good buckwheat pancakes for breakfast with the last of the bacon, which still doesn't quite fill him up, and I sit down with cards to make up the book list, since obviously the list isn't coming back with anything from the wallet, and manage to make it complete by checking through various old lists and reviews that I'd put into the books, and then do light-work, remembering more stuff about Carol Ann (see DIARY 12533), which I take notes on, and what with answering his questions, phoning Lauren Bahr to make arrangements to meet her tomorrow evening, phoning about the Display book, phoning Bob Ginsburg to say that it'll be a day late, and then checking through the stuff that he's typed, the only thing I have time to do is to work with alphaphones after he's finished typing, taking about an hour since I can't DO it when he's moving around, since the phones accentuate it so much, and then I type up the booklist (see DIARY 12535) and quite early I see him getting peanut butter stealthily from the kitchen, so I make the last of the hamburger dish about 6, (Fred comes for 4 bottles around now) seeming to have done nothing of value today, except that Pope came over to borrow $10 so that he can go see "Close Encounters" tomorrow, and he reads the Clarke information with interest. Dennis thought he could finish this afternoon, so I'm still hollering about his keeping a record, so at one point he says "We're both sick of the sight of each other," so he's really affected by it. Phoned for the schedule for "Mr. Goodbar," and it might be held over, so I decide to see the St. Marks double, and he decides to go home, so I check things over with the index and leave him at 7:30 making final corrections, giving him my spare set of keys that I suddenly remember after chewing him out about forgetting MY keys so I think the apartment will have to be left open. Get to St. Marks in the rain at 8:05, and they've changed the movie, so it doesn't start till 8:30, so I go down to 7th Avenue and find two books by Nathanael West that I buy, as if I needed books, and then see "My Son, My Son," with Brian Aherne in a ridiculous bond with his son, Louis Hayward, over the love of Madeleine Carroll, whom the father finally married (after the wife was VERY conveniently killed) after the son gets killed in the war. "It's a Wonderful Life" is brilliant with a harried James Stewart in a Frank Capra film with Lionel Barrymore as a heavy, and "What would have happened if you'd never been born" climax of great impact, with a tour-de-force of the whole neighborhood coming in to pile money on the table at the end, and I leave at 12:45, feeling lonely, and get home tired enough to fall asleep about 1:30 without jerking off.

DIARY 12539

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 30. Wake about 9:30 and drag myself out of bed about 10 when I can't do light-work there, doing it for about an hour, relieved that there's another energy tonight, and then check the alphabetization of the index that Dennis left, checking the lines that he'd done wrong, and don't even have anything beyond cereal for breakfast, but there's no time for ANYTHING but watering the plants and getting books together to xerox and calling Susan to find she's not at work and Dennis Sillari to find he's at a meeting, and phoning Pope a couple of times before realizing he's at "Close Encounters." Shower and shave just about 3 pm and get out about 3:30 to get to Harper and Row and give the index to Bob Ginsberg, but Dennis Sillari has no pages for me, so I can't xerox anything there, then get to Sylvia Webber to pick up a copy of "The Display Specialist" which she says didn't sell very much, and then up to Lauren at 4:45 to find that they're checking up on the xeroxing so I can't do the books THERE. She gives me info about the new Test and Awards until about 6, and then we're out to Wolf's across the street until about 7, having two bloody marys that she pays the $12 with tip for (!), saying McGraw-Hill will pay for it, and I have some chicken and meatballs to make up for lunch. Out in the rain and up to 57th, stopping in Marboro's and finding nothing, then in Chock Full for nutted cheese and a brownie, with Michael Moriarty smoking a smelly cigar across the way, and stop in Coliseum Bookshop to pick up what I THINK is a bargain "Amateurs" but find that it's missing the first 24 pages! Then walk up CPW in the rain to Actualism, and everyone's there for a reasonable session with Rebekah (see DIARY 12540) which isn't over until 10:40, and since it's still raining and I'm carrying around the books, I take a subway up to Dennis's, and he has apples stuffed with sausage, parsnips with potatoes and chips, and a tasty garlic soup that curdles and STILL tastes great, the garlic taste only coming through in the actual cloves themselves, and I remark that Pope said that garlic was good for a cold and maybe his body AUTOMATICALLY went for it. We're finished about 12:30 and he smokes and I crawl under the covers, feeling tired, but he gets into his cock and I get into mine, and I sort of jerk off very nicely but remotely, and then he gets into his so much that he wants the popper, so he goes to get it, sits on my stomach, and comes with great slowness. Bed at 1:30.

DIARY 12541

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 1. He's up and doing as I lay in bed until about 9, and then look through New Yorker to read various reviews, and he makes sausage that catches on fire in the broiler and eggs that are awful with 4 yolks and 8 whites, with the whites left over from last night, and he's rushing about at 10:15, late for his singing lesson, and I debate going shopping for my snakes around Chambers Street, but the books are heavy so I get home to go to the supermarket and pick up coffee for last week's coupon without any fuss, getting home around 12. Have cereal, do light-work, and then don't feel like getting into ANYTHING, so I start reading "Magic and Mystery in Tibet" that I'd picked up at the bookshop after getting out at 2:15 and mailing 2 bills and two envelopes to P.O. Box 1031 and to JOY/V to test out the workings, and deposit two checks in the bank and get more cash, after talking with Pope about his liking of "Close Encounters," and back to 3 to start reading. Make popcorn for lunch, perfectly disgusted with myself, and then put the pork on at 3 so that at least I'll have dinner. Get to about page 100 and feel disgusted with that, so I type DIARY 92061 on Throwback about 6 as Azak calls, asking about English lessons for a French girl, and then I call Avi, who says he should call back tomorrow at 6, and we chat for a long time, and then I call Azak back and he says he wants to take the Eastern Airlines trip with me around Christmas time! Have dinner, reading more of Biofeedback, and think I want to watch TV at 8, but there's only "A Special Kind of Dying" that's produced by CRC TV, Christian Revival Church, or something, that's terribly Christy, and then find that "Legend of Robin Hood" is pretty awful, staying tuned by flicking channels to "All-Star Tribute to Elizabeth Taylor," which is perfectly dreadful until 10, when I watch "The Good Old Days of Radio" with Steve Allen and ALL kinds of names and commercials and serials that I remember from childhood, until 11:30, when I watch Dick Cavett with Estelle Parsons, who does a bit of "Miss Margarida's Way," and I don't think I want to see it, and then see what the movie is and it turns out to be what I missed LAST night: "The Soft Skin," a touching Truffaut about a Famous French Writer who falls in love with a stewardess, gets a divorce, and then loses the stewardess, and then his wife shoots him. Odd. ALSO jerked off to Ross from 7-8, which felt good, but didn't get to sleep about until 3 am, not TIRED at all.

DIARY 12542

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2. Woman upstairs STAYS on creaking floorboards for over a minute about 9 am, and I'm up about 10:15 to leave in the mailman, take notes on dream (see DIARY 12543) and get down for first index pages from Raven and Soho, which I read until 11:10, then decide to do light-work, which I end just at 12, then have cereal for breakfast, brushing my bleeding teeth, and then decide to get right back to finishing David-Neel's "Magic and Mystery in Tibet," having popcorn during the last few pages of it, and type a page (see DIARY 12537) inspired by it. Arnie calls and talks for about an hour about TOTAL JUNK, and I can't think of any way of turning him off except by being bored by what he's saying, and find the Hindu Temple tour (in Flushing) scheduled for tomorrow is filled up, that "Mr. Goodbar" is held over, and then call Dennis who decides to leave work at 6 and have dinner early, so I decide I HAVE to catch up on the diary and finish these six pages by 6:40, LOST day! Dennis wasn't here yet, and then I noticed that I hadn't typed the dream page, so I typed DIARY 12543 to make 7 pages for the day, and almost finished with the page for Actualism when he enters at 7:20, and we get right in for the rest of the stringy spinach, lovely pork, and lots of apple sauce for dinner, finishing at 8, he saying all along that we can't possibly go to bed this early. I decide to do the dishes and he alternately reads the New Yorker and works on his French, and I, to join him, get out the Display book and my manuscript to find that SOMEWHAT over half the material, including the last half-and-more of the book, is mine, though they didn't keep ANY of the chapter-end exercises that I sort of thought were good. Then at 9 I take a shower while he watches most of the start of "It Happened at Lake Wood Manor" about poisonous ants with SILLY (not written down, of course) convention that EACH elaborate mode of rescue (crane, bulldozer, helicopter) can only rescue ONE person until the third-last falls to his death and the last two are rescued together. Then we get into bed and start cuddling and he comes up and refuses to wait, so I have to whack away at myself, and we get to sleep about 12:30, rather better than average.

DIARY 12549

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 3. We both wake about 9, and I try to do light-work but don't get anywhere, and then he probably comes again, very quickly, since it seems impossible to slow him down nowadays. We have a leisurely breakfast and he leaves just before 1, buzzing that I have mail, and I watch "The Merry Widow" complete this time (see DIARY 12550) from 1-3, and then I'm out to pick up the two letters that DID get through to my PO Box, buy more groceries including another can of coffee for Dennis with my coupon, and pick up a TAPE from Bill that he returned in record time. Listen to a bit of it, then watch weightlifting and the refrigerator race on "Sports Spectacular," and Franco Colombu tried to RUN and I can SEE his dislocated leg bone, but he insists that since he's a chiropractor that he knows it's not broken. That's from 5-6, Fred comes over for 2 bottles for $21 for which I have $5 in change from the grocers, and then listen more to Bill's tape, though I can't remember whether I did light-work before or after Foffe's dinner. Dennis calls to say he'll be here about 9:30, and I'm in the shower at 9:25 when he calls again to say he's been delayed and will be here when he can. He rings and comes up with the Times at 9:50, and we're right over to the LOUD crowd on the top floor, but the headwaiter's handsome and OUR waiter is a kooky combination of Joe Campbell (I guess I DID listen to some of him this morning, at least through side 2, since I could TELL Dennis that that's who he looked like) and James Stewart, open, homely, and wise-cracking. The paté is fat, the consommé relatively tasteless (maybe they watered it for the second seating?), the loud group REMAINED, the pheasant tough, the berry dressing nutty and fabulous, like chocolate, the best thing of FOOD of the evening; the Great Western champagne that Dennis gave a 9 to, the boar young and not strong in taste, and the venison on the bland side---and we never DID get our peach in Amaretto!---but the best in DRINK was the Italian coffee that they filled HALF-FULL with either Amaretto (in a Da Saronno bottle) or Anisette (in a Marie Brizard bottle), and we had THREE cups which sent us home in a TIZZY of delight to FABULOUS sex from 1-2, but Dennis came so fast we didn't have a chance of measuring his cock, though I measured mine at 6 inches later, and the booze made the GLOW of the evening extraordinary (see DIARY 12551).

DIARY 12552

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 4. Up about 9:30, and probably Dennis gets into his cock and comes again by about 10:45, because it seems that no sooner do I get up and determine that neither of us is hungry from the feast last night, I'm putting on a program on Anna Sokolow (see DIARY 12553) on Camera Three, with whom I violently disagree. Dennis continues reading and I type the five pages (see DIARY 12544-12548) about the Dream/ Plot/ Theory/ Link that I had this morning. Give it to him to read about 12:30, but he has to meet Peggy at 1:30, so he leaves at 1 after giving me some notes, and then Bruce calls and I tell him about "Outer Space Connection" and he hangs up and I watch "Top of Europe" about the Lapps on "Journey to Adventure" and then "Outer Space Connection" from 1:30 to 3, about some planet of a sun that went nova 13,000 years ago, which British scientists SAY sent a signal saying where they came from, and they talk about RETURNING on December 24, 2011! Then start on the puzzle, which is rather hard, and turn on "Sarah" from 4-5, just time to see John Leclerc taking off his clothes to recline on a bed, and then turn on "The Amazing Apes" from 5-7, by Bill Burrud, with gorillas, chimps, and orangutans with the usual footage, and I have a hamburger at last for the first meal of the day before 7. Dennis calls and says his apartment is cold, and before he gets here I finish the Times and then start listening to the end of Bill's tape, which he listen to while practicing French on the floor, and that's over about 10 and he says he'd just as soon continue, so I get into the study to listen to the rest of the Campbell tape (see DIARY 12554), which is pretty good, and start on the Rudhyar tape, which isn't, so I crawl under the desk (making Dennis somewhat puzzled when he comes in to ask a question) to throw out the last of the indexes from the past (and he takes sheets for scrap) and put the Advocates down below, too, and then he comes out about 11 saying "Come and play," naked and twitching his cock at me, so I go in, unshowered, and let him get into his cock with poppers and grass, and by then it's 12:15 and time to go to sleep anyway, and I do light-work until about 1:30, with difficulty in keeping my mind ON it rather than falling off to sleep.

DIARY 12555

MONDAY, DECEMBER 5. Alarm rings about 8, but he's switched his lessons around for the week, so I make eggs and corn (which he loves) for him and he goes off to work about 9:30. I water plants and phone Susan about 10:15 and say I'll be there at 12:15 to have her xerox a book for me, since I'll have to be going past there to get to Queens Library anyway, and I might finish the previous day page when Arnie calls and tells me the week's schedule for "Star Trek," and then chase him off the phone at 11:45. I'd also showered and shaved at last, too, and as I recall I exercised again for the first time since my flu, only managing one pullup. Take all three books to Susan's, but she says that the xeroxing machine got VERY hot and she could only do 50 pages, so we chat until about 1 and I go to Donnell to get moved around to get change at bank and xerox 30 pages to finish "First Five Fathoms" in which I have only ONE quote: p.8: "But it is important to remember to blow before you suck!" (Air from the snorkel, but REALLY!). Read all of it before Susan's, and read most of Teilhard de Chardin's "Letters from Hastings" on the subway to and from the library (see DIARY 12556). It's raining fairly hard (though it's better than the snow that started this morning) and I get quite wet by the time I'm home at 4. Probably do some light-work during the afternoon, but the cock images start haunting me, and by the time I'm finished about 5 it's dark enough to watch the films and jerk off to "A Man to Remember," but it doesn't look like HIS coming cock! But he IS nice and he's all I need to shoot with rubber bands and poppers. Broiled a hamburger for lunch with wine, in there somewhere, and eat the last of the pork shoulder at 8 while watching "Yukon Passage" with four cute guys interspersed with "Circus of the Stars" until 9:30, when I watch "Hollywood on Trial" (which is what Arnie wanted to see on TV that prevented him from going to the Club Baths with me since Dennis is interviewing his doorstop people tonight in New Jersey), which is poorly done from EVERYONE'S point of view, and it's impossible to say WHO was wronger, the committee or the people who refused to talk and were jailed or the people who ratted. Dennis calls and I tell him to turn on Dick Cavett and Gwen Verdon, and that's fun until 11:30, and then I do odds and ends and read EB on Bernhardt and then watch the end of that program until 1, when I get into bed quite contentedly.

DIARY 12557

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 6. Wake for the second time at 10:30 with a series of dreams that I get up to record immediately (see DIARY 12558), and when I go to have cereal for breakfast the tiny bit of milk is sour so I have some of Dennis's half and half, delicious. Then Arnie calls and talks for AGES about TV programs that are coming up and I just don't know how to get RID of him. Make out a lot of checks for bills as I clean up the drawer a bit, checking memberships, and then I finish listening to Dane Rudhyar (see DIARY 12559) and start with the first reel of est, but then I decide I have to go to the bank, so I take out the laundry at 2:15, make out the check for the account, and decide to buy groceries on the way back, getting lots of stuff that I'll need for the future, and JUST sitting down to a delicious hamburger when Pope calls, so I put him off, finish lunch, and call him back about 3:40 to sit with him through a Jupiter square Uranus, or something, that took place at precisely 3:51, and he'd gotten a statement that his checking account was overdrawn today and doesn't want to go to class tonight for fear of an accident. We talk until about 4:15, and then I check out the books in the Anacapa Catalog that came today and with delight order "Live Gold" from my Sheckley list over two years old. Do light-work sometime in here, but don't have enough time to shower when I have to leave to meet Dennis at the Anco at 5:35 for "Possession of Joel Delaney" which isn't very believable with a PR inhabiting a pretty Perry King, Shirley Maclaine's brother, and terrorizing her and her two kids until he's shot and passes into HER in the final freeze-frame which is the best thing of the film. The movie house is a zoo, echoes from the lobby and balcony raining around and they're changing the marquee so there's doors slamming and cold breezes too. "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" is pretty good, completely amoral, and shows the men FAR more fucked-up than SHE was, though I didn't see her as masochistic OR victimized: as I said to Dennis: "There was as much reason for the NUN on the subway train to be killed." Out at 9:45 and here for me to broil hamburgers and have corn and finish in the living room watching Gwen Verdon and Cavett at 11, with Dennis reluctantly along, and when I start watching "A Run for Your Money" at 11:30, he goes in and goes to sleep, and I have a GREAT debate about decisions that should be SO simple and seem SO complex (see DIARY 12560). Bed tired at 1, light-work?

DIARY 12561

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 7. Alarm at 7:30 and Dennis groans and cuddles. I play with him and he SORT of comes up, then says he HAS to go. I lay until he's in the shower, then get up to put on the $1.87 for 12 oz sausage on that's so awful, with fried eggs, and he eats and leaves at 9:20, and I water plants and finish washing dishes (having washed PART of them last night while the hamburger was broiling), and figure I HAVE to get to diary, but I sit LITERALLY staring at the booklist for awhile, looking up updating data and adding it to my wallet-list, and then Bruce calls at 11:30 and talks till 12, Arnie calls just after and talks to 1, and then I listen to the rest of the est tape (see DIARY 12562-12563), and it's good enough to call Pope and rave about it, congratulating him for having made it through yesterday, but that's AFTER I got out about 2 in the COLD weather to find a 5/page place for my two books and get told it's 7/page for the work involved, and I say OK but then do it MYSELF when Carlos gets busy, and he charges me 5 and it comes to $12.15 and I've finished reading "Corydon" during the intermissions when OTHERS want copies (see DIARY 12564). Out about 4:15 and return the two books to the library, find they don't have "Amateurs" so I can copy THAT, and get back about 5 to read lots of mail and have lunch of hamburger in there somewhere and shower and shave and do light-work from 6:30 to 7:15, then move some things around and leave at 7:45, getting to Actualism last at 8:20, taking the 13th seat, and it's a good lesson, which makes me happy (see DIARY 12565), but it's long, and I buy 1.5 liters of rosé and get to Dennis's at 11, and the chicken cooks until 12, while I read part of Hannah Arent's article and talk with Dennis, reading him from "Balso Snell," giving him my shower cap and a new sniffer-wad, and the chicken is FABULOUS and we have lots of wine and tumble into bed for him to come fast again, coming all over me, and he ALMOST falls asleep as I work away on myself, coming VERY soft but copiously, and it's uncomfortable because he has no HEAT, so we have to warm up the sheets with CLOTHES on, but it's warm IN bed when we finally get there about 1:30, and my eye feels like it has a lash in it.

DIARY 125566

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 8. Alarm at 7:30 find my eye tearing and painful, but Dennis gets into cock and he comes on my chest again, and my eye in the mirror is inflamed but I can't seem to find anything in it. He's awful during breakfast, suggesting come, VD, sties, and making endless jokes while I just want to gather up Hannah Arent's article, "Close Encounters" review for Pope, and my index and go home. Get to jammed subway at 9:20 and see CUTE small blond with marvelous chin and lovely mustache get off at Clark Street in his broad-shouldered black overcoat, and I walk to pick up laundry and get home to water plants and finish "Dream Life of Balso Snell" and then continue by reading "Miss Lonelyhearts" by Nathanael West. Then do light-work from about 1:30 to 2:30, put on hamburger for a delicious lunch at 3, then put lots of things away, including laundry, and it actually takes from 4 to 4:30 to just ORGANIZE the many pages I have to type to catch up (making up a day-guide to assist typing), and then start typing to be interrupted by a call from Bruce from 5:15 to 6:30 (see DIARY 12567) and continue typing until 7:45, when I turn on the end of "In Search of Mayan Mysteries," and AGAIN they cite the date of December 24, 2011 (see DIARY 12552), where I couldn't find the NOTES I'd written during program, but it seems to be on some Uxmal temple, though on this program it says their CYCLE is 5200 years, and from their origin-date of August something, 31 something BC, their CYCLE ENDS in earthquake and a "new age" on the date). Return to pages from 8-9, warming one of the chickens cooked yesterday, which I eat while watching the Paul Simon special, with a Charles Grodin that I WILL have to learn to avoid and only CAMEOS by Chevy Chase and Lily Tomlin and LOTS of his songs, which aren't THAT good. Then watch Part V of "I, Claudius" where Augustus finally dies and Livia STILL poisons, then phone Dennis to watch Colleen Dewhurst on Dick Cavett after phoning Azak at 11 after he called at 10 JUST as I was sitting down to dinner. He wants to do something tomorrow night, and Dennis reminds me that there's a party at The River for Dana and Jody then. I re-read Actualism intro pamphlet and it DOES mean a LOT more now, eat more cake, and get into bed about 12:15, falling asleep quickly.

DIARY 12568

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 9. Woke to the barking dog at 8:05 with a vague memory of a dream, but it's gone as I type this now. Lay and feel good until 9:15, and then when I started to worry and fret about the amount to be done, I got up and ate cereal and finished reading "New Mind, New Body" and left word with Azak at 10:15 that I had previous plans for the evening. Phoned Pope about bringing stuff back, and he said I should come now and bring up the mail, so I took back his porno and all his New Dimensions tapes but est, and he talked about his money problems, then I left to buy a birthday card for Rita and a half-gallon of red wine and read the mail and talked to Pope a few more times and typed the Actualism lesson page and finished these 4 by 1:10. Immediately get to work on the letter to Rita from 1:10 to 2:30, taking that long to type 3 single-spaced pages full, and then put on chicken for lunch, did a few other things, and was finishing lunch when Azak called again and I didn't have the nerve to say that I was eating, only that I'd call him back. I explain to him about the evening, and then Dennis calls to say that Dana's picking him up at 6 so they'll be here early. I debate getting something to eat, but decide I have enough here. Pay some more bills and get everything away in time to start looking at the Running index by 5, which is a good thing because I call Linda and have questions for her, which she answers in about 10 minutes just before she leaves for the weekend. Work until about 5:30, then shower and shave and finish to the bells ringing at 6, but then get a call from Dana at 6:17 saying he's missed Dennis, and it turns out that HE thought Dennis said DOWNSTAIRS and Dennis meant UPSTAIRS. I wash wine glasses and ready the kitchen and other rooms and am just finishing with everything when they buzz in at 7:10, come up for the Cep de Vin which they love, and watch me frying shrimp chips, and we leave in the BRUTAL wind for The River at 7:55, so they take the car, have trouble finding a place to park, and we're in at 8:15 to a fairly good dinner of chicken/ veal Francais/ marsala, with the chicken marsala being best, and they have pasta, I have mushrooms, the granular substance in the walnut cake is CARROTS, and we have only a carafe of wine so we're off "cheap" by 10:30 at about $21 apiece. They get to drive us home, we're up to clean our teeth and undress and get into bed for Dennis to smoke and me to come first and him to come later, refusing to come near me, and we sleep at 12:30.

DIARY 12569

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 10. I'm up about 8, lay until 9, then start doing light-work and manage to finish by the time he gets up about 9:45, and he wants to come again and goes for the popper again, and I'd harvested the grass yesterday so the curtains are once more over the window, which is nice. I'm not hungry but he has coffee and complains about having no half-and-half (though I reminded him that he should remind me last night), so I go out to buy groceries at 12, stopping off at Pope's to leave the tickets for Azak at Arnie's, get the complaint that I'd missed the last page of Pauline Kael's "Close Encounters" review, and stop in at the rummage sale at 155 Hicks to find it's the woman upstairs rather than the cutie in back, but find a "Cheap Europe" and "Einstein Relativity" for $1, then get groceries and back about 1 to make FRIED hamburgers for lunch, and Dennis likes them better, though the squash isn't very good frozen. He decided he doesn't want to go to Ina's party at Westport this evening, having lots of things to do and preferring to have long conversations about I forget WHAT we talked about so long this morning! He leaves about 3 and I start back on the index from about 3 (forgot to record the time) to 5, when Rick calls to say he'll be going back tonight, and then I type from 5-5:30, then decide I'd better shower and shave, which I do, and Fred's friend Steve Szabo (?) came up about 3 for two poppers, and John Woods came up just at 6 for two, and was disappointed that I didn't have blotter acid, and then I finished typing from 6:05 to 6:20, then dressed and left for Actualism at 6:50, just making a train but getting held up along the way so that I'm right on time at 7:27 to see guys in the hall and we have a VERY interesting genital session until 10:20 (see DIARY 12570), at which time I don't bother to call Dennis, but then the power goes off at Chambers Street which delays 10 minutes, and I'm home JUST at 11 to make good meat sauce for spaghetti which we eat about 12:30 with lots of wine, feeling good, and we get into bed to start necking, and he's up but I'm not, but then he starts dozing and I take the opportunity to suggest sleeping, and he takes me up on it, and we doze off about 1:15.

DIARY 12575

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 11. Wake about 9:45 but don't get into light-work until about 10:15, and then Dennis is awake and fondling at 10:25, and he comes but just LIES on my chest, feeling marvelous, until I literally push him off at 11:05 to watch Anna Sokolow punishing people, and that's about what it turns out to be (see DIARY 12553). Arnie calls exactly when it's over to talk about Murray Louis pulling a muscle two minutes into his solo at BC last night, to which Azak invited his Turkish friend Alexi, who drove, and they all ended up at Arnie's eating his cheesecake and doing nothing more. I shut him off by saying I have to feed Dennis, and make omelets to go along with the rest of the corn and red beets and we finish eating at 1, at which time I wash all the dishes while he practices French and starts going through all the Sohos and New Yorks that I'd saved for him. Then get in to start reading the Times, working both puzzles rather quickly, and then we're listening to the Messiah and my two Christmas records until he leaves about 3. I'd fertilized the plants for the first time in ages, then put things away, finishing with the Times about 4:30 in time to watch "The Blue Bird" again on TV, having chicken and the tiny rest of the cake with it, but then I'm still hungry so I finish the raisins too, and have some peanut butter on top of it. Watch the news from 6 to 6:30 just through inertia, but decide I have to do SOMETHING, so I finish "A Cool Million" by West by 7:15, then decide to watch movies and jerk off, so I just see Tommy again and feel SO good coming that I set down ANOTHER POSSIBLE BEGINNING to "Throwback" (see DIARY 92062-92065), and that takes until 9, when I watch Chapter 6 of a somewhat more interesting "I, Claudius" until 10, and then finish the pages for the second male's session (see DIARY 12570-12574) for 7 pages in all by 11 pm. Warm up the spaghetti and meat sauce and have that for dinner with a lot of wine, and get interested in reading "The Obscene Bird of Night" and so I undress in the cold bedroom and take it to bed with me to read until about 1:15, when I get too tired to continue with it, so I turn off the light and go to sleep on my back without the pillow without too much difficulty.

DIARY 12576

MONDAY, DECEMBER 12. Wake at 9 to the woman thumping upstairs, and I seem to have missed the dog barking at 8, which is a bit of progress. Up to make the bed and have what may be the penultimate bowl of cereal for breakfast. Figure it's too early to phone anyone at 9:40, so I sit down for a light-work session to make up for the aborted one in bed with Dennis yesterday morning, and I don't finish until 10:45, and it's quite a powerful one (see DIARY 12577). Dennis calls right then to apologize for making me a day late with the index to Harper and Row, and I phone Linda Hetzer to find that she hasn't checked the page number of the cities yet. Also during the light-work session I got this GREAT idea of inviting people to a Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve party here, to solve my problem of what to do with Dennis gone, so I make a list of 27 people from my address book and start calling them: Arnie and Pope and John and Joan and Sergio and Michael and John Casarino and THAT takes up lots of time! I can think of so MANY things that just aren't IMPORTANT to take up my TIME! Continue talking on the phone until Linda calls about 3:30 to say that the pages just WON'T be ready, so SHE'LL put them in, so I sort the cards (after typing the 99 cards for the cities and states) from 3:35 to 4:45, then take time out to have chicken for lunch/dinner with frozen peas, and finish sorting from 5:30 to 5:45, then type all 18 pages from 5:45 to 6:50, and finish proofreading and alphabetizing and writing letters by 7:30, taking only 7 hours for the job. Then do a session with alphaphones and REALLY quite decide not to continue trying them (see DIARY 12578), but want to listen to the tape AROUND the instructions that Pope gave me, so I listen to that from 8:30 to 9:30, when I stop short and put on "The Woman on Pier 13" which isn't worth watching with Larraine Day marrying former Communist Robert Ryan who works for the party so they won't reveal he killed someone, then gets killed in the end when she finds who killed her brother, John Agar. Awful to 11. Then watch the almost BLIND-SIGNING Ntozaki Shange giving her life to Dick Cavett, then sit from 11:30 to 1 in the freezing living room watching "Abide with Me" with an 88-year-old Cathleen Nesbitt begging that of 14-year-old Ann Francis, with lots of quietly beautiful scenes with no villain in the piece except awful cousin's daughters. Into bed about 1:20 and take a LONG time for my over-cold feet to warm up before sleeping.

DIARY 12580

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13. Wake with the memory of a dream (see DIARY 12579) and think that it must be 8 or 9, and look to see that it's actually 8:30. Roll over in the warm bed and get out again at 9:30, have the penultimate bowl of cereal, and turn on the rattley humidifier again. Get to diary and finish these 5 pages by 11:35, having talked to Arnold and finding NO lunch today. Also finish DIARY 92066 from Lilly's note about "The Starmaker." Then phone more people for the parties, but New Year's Eve seems to be filling and I have to scurry to fill Christmas. Talk to Eddie and Art Ostrin and John Connolly and Susan and Joe Farinas and Bob Rosinek through the day, and discard my original list to work with the Dec. 24 list with 5 sures and 5 maybes on it, and the December 31 list with 8 sures and 5 maybes. In the meantime I determine to finish writing the ads for The Advocate, Soho Weekly News, and Village Voice, and do THAT, sending them all out (or at least putting them into envelopes), and putting THAT away, then phone Terry Kornak (since Ruth Adams called with a 2000-page index on Pathology of Animals from Springer thanks to Barbara Bullied) for the schedules of the three indexes I have from her (having gotten part of Neoplasia as the only mail today), and feel good about accomplishing things. Try the alphaphones for one last time (after listening to the last of the tape from Sandy Gomez to Pope) with electrodes on the LEFT and ground on the RIGHT, and it SEEMS, as far as I can tell, that I CAN produce alpha, the louder jingling, at will, and WHEN I OPEN MY EYES it's quieter in the beta. Try it on the original side, but I CAN'T get it to work through the static, very frustrating. Warm the second chicken and eat that about 5, talk to Arnie about tomorrow, and later, while I'm doing light-work, to Azak, so a lot of the day's been on the phone. Then write a letter to Arthur Clarke, finishing at 8 to watch a SPECTACULARLY photographed Reader's Digest film of Michener's "Hawaii Revisited" till 9, do light-work from 9:05 to 9:40, then have Spam and the rest of the peas and applesauce while reading Donoso, and crawl into bed at 10:30 to use the heat to watch four films, coming to poppers with Jeff, too perfect, by 12:30, and wipe my right eye with amyl-stained fingers, and sure enough wake the next morning with that same-sore right eye! Dennis had another trick, not me, tonight.

DIARY 12582

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 14. Had thought I'd wake early, but I'm awake at 8:50 and up at 9 with the vivid memory of a dream of cleaning-up (see DIARY 12581). Water plants for the first time since Wednesday, though they're still moist, and put things away from last night, wash face to try to ease eye-sore, tie clothesline to try to scare away the pigeons with its snakiness, but they don't leave the parking lot-loft when I throw a twisted length over there from the fire escape, but I tie a piece ON my railing to try to keep them from shitting all over it. Stamp and address the letter to Clarke, and type 2 pages by 10:15, determining to breakfast and write letters too! Finish the last of Dennis's half-and-half with the last of the Special K cereal, and then write notes to Doug Oxley and Paul McLean that I include with their Christmas cards. Phone Michael and he says it's OK to come before 3:30 to talk about our trip to the Caribbean, and then Arnie calls to say he's leaving soon, so I take laundry down and start reading "Teachings of Don Juan" since I'm going to be out so much, and he's late, not arriving until 11:55, and it's raining pretty had as I buy 10 tokens, using 7 by the next morning! FIRST token to Alliance Francais, late at 12:40, to watch a WARBLY print of a syrupy "Un Grand Amour de Beethoven" with Harry Baur as a dour Beethoven loving Juliette and marrying Therese and going deaf, and get out at 1:45 to go across to Blimpie's and get two pastramis, back to read and wait for Azak at 3, then drop down to Museum of Modern Art to get them a dual membership, then use SECOND token to catch F train to Grand Central and slosh to Michael's at 4, where I study OAG until 4:40, when Azak is sick, Michael has gone to a client's party in the Shelburne, and Mary is about to leave, and I use THIRD token to ride down teeming Park to Tree, waiting about 20 minutes for Dennis to finish with his people, give index to Linda Hetzer, who's pleased with it, and use FOURTH token to get up to Azak's for tea, marble cake, and conversation until 7:15, when he naps before dinner and I stand in rain until 7:40 to use FIFTH token on a VERY slow 103 bus to get off at 68th and West End and walk to Actualism at 8:25, last in, for a FANTASTIC session (see DIARY 12583), then glad it's stopped at 10:20, but it starts again, so I use SIXTH token to get to Dennis's at 10:30, shower while he packs for leaving tomorrow, have split chicken Kiev in loads of butter and scritchies, finish 5 bottles of booze: 3 wines, Amaretto in claret, and Sabra, and he smokes to GREAT sex for both, bed at 1:45.

DIARY 12586

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15. Wake at 7:45, form hierarchy, listen to Dennis swallowing next to me, wondering if he were repressing coughs, and then about 8:45 he gets up and vomits with a hack-cough, and we lie together and cuddle while he dozes, and then he vomits again, the alarm rings, he stays in bed, and then after a third vomit he starts playing with his cock and he comes up QUITE hard and comes again, wanting me to do so, but though I'm hard, I don't feel like coming, so I just say "Isn't it close to 10, and your lesson's at 11?" He admits that's right, then goes into the kitchen to drink some juice and coffee, but then calls Richard at 10:30 and cancels his lesson. I sit around till 11, calling Joan Ann to find she's busy today at the Star Center, then gather my stuff, bid him farewell affectionately, hoping he feels better, and get to Brooklyn to buy 7 plates for $19.47 and meat and rolls, and get home just at 12, eat a hamburger for brunch at 12:30, and then call Michael to get him started on the trip plans, Lauren to ask about the monosyllables and she says it's only for the TYPING tests, which makes the SHORTHAND letters MUCH easier, and I'm feeling great when Bruce calls and WE talk for awhile about how good I feel, then I call Pope, who doesn't want to talk so he only talks for a half-hour, and I've gone through all my mail, and feel very productive even though it's all of 4:15 when I phone Dennis to see how he is and find he's left already, and finish typing these 4 pages after the Actualism lesson-page, AND I got the rest of Virology in today, too! Write a short note to Jean-Jacques that I include in the programs for the two operas, and then write a two-page letter to Bill with a card, and by that time it's 5:55 and I have a light-work session that's so bad that I write a page about it immediately (see DIARY 12587). Just as I'm finishing that page Bruce rings about 7:05, and he comes up and talks and we watch "In Search of the Man who wouldn't Die: Saint-Germain, comte de" and we read about him in EB and the Encyclopedia of the Occult. Then continue to watch the Doug Henning show, managing to see through most of the tricks, and then I wash dishes and we talk and Rebekah calls and we have a good talk and watch a tiny bit of the awful Nutcracker by the Garden State Ballet, and he's left at 11:05 and I toast a muffin with peanut butter just to have SOMETHING to eat, but I'm tired enough to get into bed and sleep at 11:45 pm.

DIARY 12589

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 16. Wake about 8:45 with the memory of a dream and get up at 9 to put on hamburger, type the dream page (see DIARY 12588), and finish these two pages by 9:35, hoping to get into a very PRODUCTIVE-WORKING day. Needless to say the hamburger was rather overdone, and there was smoke in the kitchen, and could THAT have anything to do with my painful eye? Reading more of "Obscene Bird of Night," which isn't nearly as fantastical or as real as Marquez's works. Then determine to send out the Christmas cards, so I write all the addresses, leaving about 11 names on a questionable list, ending up with 9 cards not sent for last-minute make-ups, and 41 is the least sent in the last 10 years. Write all the messages and talk some on the phone, and finish more quickly then expected at 12:45. Get everything together and get out to the post office, finding I have something from them in my box, and mail all the stuff, pick up more wine, and feel GREAT getting back home to find the end of ANOTHER index waiting for me, so my do-list is still up at 10, but it's CURRENT (except that I have to vacuum before the Christmas party). Maybe finish the Spam for lunch, then get to the Virology index from 2:45-330, and I'd left work with Azak, who now calls and we chat about the Caribbean; I work from 3:40-4:08 and Arnold calls chomping on his lunch, so I insist he call me back. I work 4:10-4:27 and he calls me back and we talk about "Close Encounters" and other things until 5:47! Work only 8 minutes and Michael Sullivan calls with tentative schedules that don't quite work, and Arnold calls back with his "Close Encounters" phone message, AGAIN asking me for dinner, and this time I say yes. Finish two hours' work from 6:15 to 6:37: 2 hours out of 4 hours time! Then shower and shave for the first time since Wednesday, feeling sort of grimy, and do quick light-work from 7:10 to 7:40, then take alphaphones and est tapes back to Pope, who's smashed from drinking at 21 with his rich friends, who horrify him (see DIARY 12605), and get to good onion soup before "The Nutcracker" on TV (see DIARY 12590) from 8-9:30, and Bill Wolf likes it, Bob Grossman thinks Baryshnikov is faggy, and Arnold sleeps. Good dinner of beef stroganoff on noodles, cheesecake for dessert, and they leave at 11 and I help Arnie clean things up, getting lots of stuff to take back, and leave there about 12:30, and get home to drink port and jerk off with LOTS of poppers and porno till 1:30, read till 3:05 (see DIARY 12591) am!

DIARY 12593

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17. Alarm rings at 8:50 and I'm up to start my DAY ON TV (see DIARY 12594), including a dreadful "Bomba and the Jungle Girl," from 9 to 10:30, then lots of cartoons and action films for kids until 11:15, and then I have hamburger for brunch, then get involved in the list of 50 greatest American films, and I go through to find the 50 films that the ORIGINAL list didn't have (see DIARY 12595), and that takes until 1:30, when I watch 6 different sketches from "Your Show of Shows" until 2:30 and "Rings around the World," with some boring and some good stuff until 4, when I turn on the Sports Spectacular and watch drag racing, arm wrestling, and the Welterweight Championship bout in which Carlos Palomino gives Joe Palacios a "concussion blow where the feet just don't know what they're doing" in the 13th round, and then watch Don Wilhelm, the sexlessest of the bunch, win the World's Strongest Men contest, with Ferrigno coming in 4th, being lightest and thus losing in the last tug of war against people who were all HEAVIER than 270! Tune in the beginning of "Star Trek," then Paul calls to say he'll be over, so I put on the chicken and roast that and eat it until 7:25, when I mark 67-127 of the index from 7:25 to 8:35, a somewhat better page rate, and then type from 8:35 to 9:05, when Paul enters, for the first 60 pages. He sits and drinks wine and talks about redoing his house, problems with the PRs and Italians and kids in his neighborhood, which he loves, the church, and we chat about Actualism and he TELLS me I'm barely affected by any of these, and have always been one of the best-adjusted people he knows, and he talks of his recent sex, Dennis, and coming to his place on Christmas, and then he leaves at 10:20, and I come down with him to get the Times, and then scan through it and read the Times and pop popcorn at 12:20, so I have to watch the end of "Saturday Night Live" to eat that until 1, and then do the puzzle while watching a SEXY John Travolta dressing, almost nude, for his dancathon in "Saturday Night Fever" on Don Kirshner's Rock Concert until 2:30, which is when I finish the puzzle, finally, and get to bed at 3, setting the alarm for 8 hours later!! For TV. Felt that the entire day was a waste, but how NICE to be able to have a wasted day!

DIARY 12596

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 18. Up at 10:45 and shut off the alarm before it goes, and watch the annoying Rosamond Bernier showing us through the Louvre on Camera Three till 11:30. Then put on hamburger for brunch, finish up the Times, and have brunch, then finish typing the cards to page 125 from 1-1:40, then mark to page 225 from 1:40 to 3, when I turn on "Choreography by Balanchine," repeated on channel 13, and he's not even THERE: Villella introduces "Tzigane," a movement from "Divertimento #15" and what seems to be all of "Four Temperaments," and Hindemith doesn't seem modernistic at ALL, though the dancing isn't the best, although Houston Kipling is almost as sexy and blond as Peter Martins. That goes till 4, and I listen to Stoelzel's "Concerto for Four Orchestras," which no one remarks is their THEME music, until 4:20, when he starts on Bruckner's 5th, and I shower and shave until 4:45, thinking to hear the last of it, but it goes on until 5:20, when it's time to dress (oh, exercised before showering, getting to 3 pullups) in my blue suit (since the brown one really doesn't work) and get out in the awful sleep at 5:30 to get to the Park Royal at 6:10 for the Actualism Christmas Party (see DIARY 12597-12599), which is pretty awful, and it's over at 10:20, so I get home at 11, too late for anything on TV. I wash my aching eye and crawl into bed at 11:20 and read until 11:50, when my eye starts acting up again, and then there's nothing better to do so I get out the books of Stephen drawings and begin to play with myself, but maybe the bizarrerie of the drawings gets to me, for I don't have any more wine (since I've had enough), nor do I get the poppers, since I suspect they hurt my eyes, but I wrap the thin rubber band around my cock and get very sexy-feeling, so I get out the almost-empty Baby Magic and lather up my cock, and find that I can really DEADEN the feelings by working too hard on the edge of the cockhead and pressing down inside and outside, and I pant away, struggling against myself WITTINGLY, and I get up to the edge a number of times but CONTINUE doing it, which stops me, and then I MUST, AM COMPELLED, AM FORCED to change my finger position and sort of cradle the cockhead while I shoot, rather feelingly, then go wash off my greasy fingers and cock and get to sleep about 12:30, hoping my sore eye will feel better in the morning.

DIARY 12603

MONDAY, DECEMBER 19. Wake at 8:30 with the memory of an incredible dream (see DIARY 12600-12602), then lay around for awhile, eye still vaguely sore, and get up about 9 to type the three pages of the dream, then the three pages of the Actualism Christmas party (see DIARY 12597-12599), then some of the other pages, then about 11 feel hungry, so I put in the last hamburger of the current batch, type some more, and have that, reading more of "Obscene Bird," then continue typing until I phone Bob Rosinek about 10:15, and he says I DID call him back, but he's going through interesting things about his job (see DIARY 12604). Then talk to Pope, and HE'S made a decision about going to Mexico (see DIARY 12605), and then continue typing, doing lots of research on the "50 Best Films" list from my records (see DIARY 12595), and going down for the mail about 2 (when it becomes clear that I'm not going out again for groceries or going to the bank today), getting lots of cards and other stuff, sorting through that, sending out two more Christmas cards, and spending about an hour with the Russian dictionary and the oddball card that Mark and Arnie sent me and Dennis. Finish the two pages above, 16 for the day, at 4:30. Then put a few more things into the mail, maybe water the plants, and get back to the index (oh, phoned Arnold about the "Star Trek" plots for the week and talked to HIM to fill the time, probably) at 5:35, finishing the marking by 5:50, then type all the rest of the cards from 5:50-6:25, and complete the edit from 6:25-9:05, when I go to put on the chicken, and then get back starting to type from 9:10 to 9:25, then drink three glasses of wine and watched "Far from Vietnam" with lots of French idiot-directors showing off more of their OWN self-consciousness (particularly Godard, behind a camera with an INCREDIBLY SELF-SERVING SPATE OF WORDS), AND Richard Schickel gives his OWN propagandistic opinion that the movie wasn't effective, but it WAS in showing how rich, overbearing, and feelingless the US ACTUALLY is. Gorey is marvelously unselfconscious on Cavett, who's still self-conscious, and then I get into bed to read for a bit, then get out the porno and come quickly, getting to sleep about 12:30 and wanting to get up early, about 7:30, so I set the alarm to make sure I do that.

DIARY 12606

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 20. Wake, eye still sore, with a jolt at 6 am and decide that THIS is the way to start the day. Take off the sheets to take away what may be amyl stains that irritate my eye, jot down notes so I won't forget another panoramic dream I've had (see DIARY 12607), and have an INCREDIBLY light light-work session (see DIARY 12608). Water plants and make breakfast of three scrambled eggs while the sky is just lightening at 7:45 (the birds only started singing at 7 am), and that gets me back to typing the index at 8:10, going through to 9:50 to finish it, and type the letters and get everything together by 10:50, but leave to find the IRT stopped because of a wreck at Wall Street, so I get a transfer and get over to the A to change to the E to get to the Museum of Modern Art to a HUGE line (pay as you wish day, which I didn't know until after I'd paid my $2), but I say "I want to see the movie," so the doorman lets me in, the desk-holder puts me at the back of the inside line, and I get in to see "Song of Ceylon," which I'd seen before about Adam's Peak, Kandy dancers, and leaves; and "Rice," showing some very nicely muscled Philippinos working on husking rice. Then up to stand in line for a $3.85 lunch of sad salad and dry cake in the restaurant, and then look at the movie stills and flit through the Cezanne again before going to the auditorium to see "Around the World in 80 Minutes with Douglas Fairbanks" which isn't very good. Out at 3:50, walk down to Raven to xerox some stuff, see Berta Rosenberg again, give in "Virology," and go to the library, hoping it's open and it is, to type out "Outline of Zen Buddhism" by Watts (see DIARY 12609-12616) and find that I HAVE all the stories in "The Devil and All." Then over to reserve "Letters from Egypt" from Manhattan library after making out an application for a new card, then walk along Fifth loving Lord and Taylor's windows and finding Altman's tacky, dinner in MacDonald's before getting to Joan Ann's at 9:35 for the end of her session and a lot more talk than bodywork (see DIARY 12617). Out at 12:30, no wonder I'm feeling tired, and home to a boxful of mail, sorting out stuff with my want-list, and S&S has found Blackwood's "JIMBO"! Feel highly energized, but get to bed about 1:55 and fall right to sleep, thinking about my 20-hour day with ENORMOUS pleasure!

DIARY 12618

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 21. Wake at 8:55 with fragments of a dream scattering, and up at 9:10 to clean up xeroxing and book-listing from last night, phone Writer's Alliance and talk to them 10:05-10:25 as a free consultant on a PDP-banking documentation-failed estimate ($10/page, I threw out), left work at Michael's (they both called yesterday), breakfasted on three hard soft-boiled eggs, cleared out the pots and carrier from grass, checked on the mail at 11:15 to find it still missing, then typed these 5 pages before going down to check on the mail AGAIN at 12:30, and get INTO the rainy day. There's not much mail, but a letter from Rita about her coming here, so I get the Michelin sheets out again, search for a map to send her with plans for New York from Pleasantville, but can't find one so I draw it and send her a one-page letter than I take out to the post office along with the Chinese laundry. Cash checks to get money, and over to the post office to pay $25 for a year of box (and VV should be out TODAY with my ad!), and then buy a gallon of red wine in case we run out on Saturday, and get lots of meat and groceries. Put on a hamburger while putting things away, then eat, and decide to do the dishes to get a head start on the party-doings. Listen to Christmas music while washing, but I'm still not into the spirit of things. Then sit down to mark the first 1/4 of the index on Neoplasia from 3:45 to 6:15, and I'd checked to see that "Star Trek" isn't what I'd wanted. Put on the pork to cook from 6-9, and then do light-work, seemingly effortless, from 6:30 to 7:30. Sit to start typing, but only type from 7:30 to 7:35, when Bruce calls, JUST when I'd been thinking of calling him, and we talk until 8:15, and I get back to typing from 8:15 to 8:20 and SUSAN calls, complaining about work, sitting in for Ginny who's on vacation, and I tell her a LOT about Actualism and she says she wants to hear the tape! Get off the phone with her at 8:50 and get everything ready for dinner while watching Balanchine (again invisible) doing part of "Jewels," for half an hour, and then almost all of Stravinsky's Violin Concerto. It's off at 10:05, so I decide to watch Stan, and get VERY hot and come VERY nicely before 11, when I watch Antonia Brico with Dick Cavett to 11:30 and Noel Coward's "The Happy Breed" with a rapidly-aging Robert Newton and a simply superb Celia Johnson and a youngish John Mills and an errant Kay Walsh who turns out for the better. That's super until 1:30, and I've gotten nicely tipsy on a not-terribly-successful blending of Sambuca and Sciaradd, and fall into bed again extremely contented with the way the day has gone for me.

DIARY 12619

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 22. Lay a bit longer this morning, but up at 9:30 to start by scouring the bathtub and sink, cleaning the toilet and shelves for the party Saturday, and then put the dishes away while cooking the breakfast hamburger. Scrub the kitchen floor, keeping things on top of things, and dust in the meantime, getting down for a pile of Christmas cards at 12:30, and trying to call Lauren Bahr and getting no answer and phoning Michael and getting called back while I'm meditating between 1:30 and 2:15. Then vacuum the carpets, feeling VERY good to be getting this all done, and even move more hangers into the living room closet and clean up a LOT of dead leaves from the greenery in both rooms. Michael has the rest of the itinerary, but sadly it has 3 days in Martinique and Guadeloupe and 2 days in Orlando, at the cost of Ponce and St. Maarten. Leave work for Azak. Then get back to typing the index cards from 4:25-5, when Paul calls to talk about Christmas, his friend Randi with hepatitis, and his time at the baths (fine) last Saturday, and I finish the cards from 5:30 to 5:50, doing 280 of them. Then warm the pork and settle in for what was announced in TV Guide as the last "Star Trek" for me to see, and they rebroadcast "Obsession," which isn't nice of them at all, but I sit and watch while eating dinner anyway, because it's done. Then phone Azak and give him the itinerary, and HE doesn't like it either, but says he'll pick up the OAG from Michael tomorrow and bring it and salad fixings to my place, and just now I try to get Art to check on guest #8, but there's no answer. Do this page by 8 pm, and now back to index! Mark pages from 8:05 to 9:40, and then Rolf calls and wants to see "I, Claudius" just to talk to someone about the situation he just left in Providence, so he comes over at 10 and the program's beginning to get good: you can actually SEE bits of the porno with drawn satyrs with erections, (someone phones about four times and doesn't answer) and Sejanus's Livilla's tit, and he loves it too, and then we watch Joe Papp being noncommittal with Dick Cavett, and I have port while he's fasting, and he sits until 1:30 talking about nothing in particular (see DIARY 12620), and then says he met Paul SomeChik from the Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo, so I get out old programs to give him a flavor of that company, and look in Humorous section of scrapbook to find John's article for the Voice, and then he leaves and I get to bed about 1:45.

DIARY 12622

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 23. Wake about 8:30, rehashing my dream and worrying about earthquakes (see DIARY 12621), and then at 8:45 the phone rings and it's the same no-answer as last night, except that once I answer there's silence, the second time there's a TV program sound, the third time there's silence, and then I don't answer it again as it rings twice in succession exactly 5 rings, and then about 5 minutes later it rings 2 rings, then stops. I have breakfast of my hamburger and get these three pages typed by a marvelous 10 am. Then from 10:03 to 10:33 I finish marking through page 240, then from 10:35 to 11:35 I type the cards, getting 290, good, and try for the mail but it hasn't come in yet, so I water plants and fix the place up a bit before getting back to marking from 12:05 to 12:20, but then Art and Eddie and Arnie start calling, and I go down for the mail at 1:30, and there's a lot of it, and then do Actualism light-work from 1:30 to 2:q5, and get back to marking from 2:20 to 3:20, when I talk to Arnie again about going out this evening from what I found in Soho when reading it. Then shower for the first time in three days, have lunch of the heated pork, and make out lists of things to get at the store tomorrow for my party. Finish marking from 4:55 to 6, when I check "Star Trek" to find it's no good again, and finish everything up by 7:30, so I settle down for 15 minutes of marking the last set of pages before getting downstairs to read while waiting for him, and we get to B&H in time to have lima-bean soup (not their best) and matzo-brie, which is good and greasy, while he has the potato pancakes, and at 8:50 we walk up to Entermedia to find there's a lead-off act of a singer and pianist duo, and in the almost-empty theater with their pleasant but mediocre talents, it's like being sent back into the dying days of vaudeville in the 30s! The stage brightens up quite a bit when Olatunji comes out at 9:20, and he has dancers now, too, which is great, and even more people come in to watch. Then at 10:05 there's an intermission, then Olatunji comes BACK and about 11 "Getting Together" comes on, and it's VERY strange (see DIARY 12623), over at 1:10 because a projector was broken, and we're obviously not going to the baths as we'd thought, so we subway home and I'm not tired, so after jerking off I start reading "Day of the Locust" until about 2:45, then get to sleep immediately.

DIARY 12624

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 24. Wake about 10:30 and finish reading "The Day of the Locust" by about 12, when I then (or at 1, actually) go out for groceries, get a call from Arnold and agree to invite Michael Ralph and his friend Allen, get a call from Michael to pick up the 12 West card and find that Azak hasn't picked up the OAG (it turns out that his radiator burst and he had to be home all day, as he said), and Michael comes over about 8:10 with a copy that he'd had at HOME. Have hamburger for breakfast about noon, then have "lunch" of pork about 4, then washing the dishes for the evening and saving the last of the pork fat for flavoring the green beans. Trim the beans to finish them, get another call from Art, who still doesn't know if he's coming, type the penultimate batch of cards from 2:10 to 3, then put the indexing stuff away to clean up the place, get out the dining-table extensions from the closet, move coats into my closet, bring in the wreath to have SOME Christmas decorations over here, and do light-work 7:10 to 7:55 after showering after finding that "Star Trek" isn't anything interesting, deciding to just do a white-star downpour to make the evening pleasant. The day went very slowly, with lots of Christmas music while I was working around moving tables and soaking off labels to produce wine decanters for the evening. Arnie was first with his mousse at 8:05, following by Michael and John, and then I'd borrowed chairs from John to make up 9, Pope came puffing up the stairs, and he and Arnie started in right away. Then the still-sexy Michael Ralph arrived with a leather-partnered Allen, and it looked to be good, and Azak arrived with the salad stuff and went right to work in the kitchen. I was tending to the wine, cooking the last of the shrimp chips, and getting Azak the utensils he needed. The dinner itself went VERY well (see DIARY 12625), over about 11, and then it looked like it might turn into something different with all the smoking that was going on, so I took down the table and started washing the dishes for the people like John and Arnie who had to take their things back, and then Eddie started asking for the movies, but nothing came of it: Pope left about 12:30, to clear the decks for movies, but the rest left about 1:15 and Azak left at 1:30, and I jerked off and fell asleep.

DIARY 12626

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 25. Wake about 10, take notes from dream (see DIARY 12628) feeling fairly hung-over from all the wine and liquor, and got out to vacant streets for the Times, finding that Camera Three wasn't on today. Read the paper, turned on "The Snow Queen" to find that it wasn't being shown, ate my hamburger about 1 pm, and worked both puzzles completely since the paper was so short today. Scan through the TV Guides that Arnie brought for me, wash dishes, vacuumed again, moved furniture back, read the articles about the booms of "methane bubbles" off the coast, stronger than fleets of sonic booms high in the atmosphere, and looked through the Time Magazine on religion, but put on "Thief of Baghdad" at 5 and got SO taken by it that I watched it completely, putting on popcorn at 6 to finish the colored kernels, and then had LOTS of runny fudge sauce which filled me up without eating anything of value. Showered and washed my hair, then watched the "By a Waterfall" number from 7:25 to 7:45 while shaving soap dried on my face, then got out at 8:15 to walk to Paul's for his Christmas gathering, taking along Pope's white wine, but only Don, his box-office helpmate, showed up, not the fetching Martin that he wanted to show off, Randi's friend, who's now home in Atlanta with hepatitis. But between the three of us we killed off two bottles of $2.29 champagne and a bottle of $1.89 Asti Spumante which is really QUITE good to taste! He talked about the neighborhood, my New Year's Eve party while watching Olivier and Woodward in "Come Back, Little Sheba," box office politics, people in the business, how he got started in stage managing knowing that he never wanted to be an actor, and Don was one of the original Snoopys. Played with Mister Agnes (who was only found to be a male after he was named) and Ginger, raved at his tree, ate his cookies and much of his cheese, and left about 1 am, feeling VERY tipsy as I swung down through the dark streets toward home, to get into bed to feel like coming, so I get out the porno, get into cock, and then with the perversity of being VERY drunk decide that since I have 2.5 weeks to wear it off, I want to try Paul's grass, so I light up a pipeful and have a VERY strange jerk-off session (see DIARY 12627) until I fall asleep about 3 am, exhausted.

DIARY 12629

MONDAY, DECEMBER 26. Wake about 10:45, feeling pretty awful from the wine and grass from last night, and get out of bed to dress and put the dishes away and put on the hamburger, though I don't feel hungry, and then about 1 to out to buy a Voice, which DOES have my ad, and check the mail box, which has NOTHING in it yet, which means that no one wrote so far from EITHER the Voice or Soho, even though the people would have had to write on Wednesday or Thursday to have gotten into my box by Saturday, the last day they worked, since I didn't realize until I saw all the closed shops that TODAY is a holiday for most of the city. Met the sisters on the steps and wished them a Merry Christmas (and they didn't seem to mind that I didn't get them anything), and expressed concern that my wreath was gone and relief when I said that I'd taken it in for my party. Then up to put things away, fertilize the plants, finish reading the article on religion, read the Voice, though there's not much IN it, and sit down to type pages when Arnie calls and makes himself boring for a number of minutes, and I finish these 7 by 4:30! Decide I have to look at the OAG to schedule our Caribbean trip, and make cards with all the possible connections, working backwards, then forwards, then filling in the spaces, and at 8:30 I come up with a reasonable schedule! Then I put on the last of the pork and warm it up to eat dinner from the bone while watching "Lucia" from 9-12, and surprisingly Richard Schickel doesn't give his opinions about it, only saying it's some kind of masterpiece, and the FIRST one is too bizarre with the sufferings they go through because they can't marry, and she kills him and then goes crazy; the SECOND seems the best adjusted, even after her husband is killed after killing someone (you NEVER know who these people are who KEEP on fighting and killing in the ENTIRE movie); and the THIRD is just lunacy as a husband insists on keeping his wife as a slave, against EVERYONE, and even at the end, when they're wrestling in the surf, and a "La Dolce Vita" type little girl in white smiles and leaves them alone, it's not certain whether they'll stay together, or WHO will be in command. Then watch Larry Rivers, a rip-off, on Cavett until 12:30, then find the SAVINGS on the schedule (55 hours down to 38.5 hours but with the schedule as I want it, not as Michael made the mistake of doing it (2 days in PR, 3 in Mart/Guad, 22 days in all), and then get in bed at 1:30 and do light-work, fairly awake, until 2:15, when I fall asleep immediately.

DIARY 12630

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 27. Wake about 8:45 with fragments of dream eluding me, so it seems that the aftermath of the grass isn't lasting long, and up at 9:15, sort of determined to have a good day, and put everything away, then sit from 9:30 to 10:25 doing light-work, feeling some definite assimilations, and then exercise for the first time in 9 days, doing 2 pullups nevertheless, and put on hamburger for breakfast and finish typing this page by 10:55. Mailman buzzes me while I'm eating my hamburger about 11:15, and I'm down to find THREE huge packages of about 1/2 the "Animal Pathology" book, AND my new copy of "Live Gold," so I cross it off my list and add Dahl's new stories. Then down for the rest of the mail, letter from Dennis and Bill, and look through the index from the German edition and phone Ruth Adams just after noon, then phone Michael and give him my elaborate plans, which seem to be working out, and leave word for Azak. Get to marking the rest of "Neoplasia" from 1:20 to 3, then phone all three publishers about my vacation on 2/6, but they'll all be here before then, and type 203 cards from 3:15 to 4:05, edit from 4:05 to 5:05, when Avi calls and talks about his lying roommate and his partying during the holidays and New Year's Eve and Actualism. I get back to editing from 6-7, at which time Azak calls and we say we have to get together and talk about the scheduling of the trip. I finish most of the editing from 7:20-9:50, taking time off to put on the roast beef with the new thermometer which doesn't seem to work (goes up to 200 with the meat still very rare, and sit down to watch something which isn't ON 13 ("Heathrow Airport") and watch the ending of "Ballet Shoes" till 10:30 and a special on Nurse Practitioners to 11, and watch that goony Larry Rivers with Dick Cavett until 11:30, then finish editing from 11:35 to 11:45 and get to bed at 12 to try to get up early and finish the index before being due at Joan Ann's at 4:30. Try lighting up the red sun, and feel good lying there on my back, but I don't seem to be getting to sleep quickly, so I turn over and go to sleep, feeling the sheets pushing my cheek up in a fleshy way, but it must be somewhat after 12:30 before I finally drop off.

DIARY 12632

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 28. Wake and lie comfortably in bed, hoping it's early, but look at the clock and it's 9:05, so I get out at 9:15, dress and am just working on a VERY elaborate dream I remember fully (see DIARY 12631) when the mailman delivers an insured $1.01 postage package from Anacapa with "Minutes to Go" and "Daratz" and two other tiny books that I think he's charged me $32.50 for until I realize just now he'd BETTER be sending me a "Dead Fingers Talk" for $30 OUT of that, or else I xerox the two brochures and send them back to him for a REFUND. But MORE BOOKS OFF THE LIST, and I finish typing these two pages by 10:05, Anacapa still strewn over the floor. Put the books and papers in the garbage, then get back to typing the index from 10:15 to 12:45, still vaguely thinking of taking it in to Terry today before getting to Joan Ann's, but I'm hungry so I have lunch while looking at the mail, then decide I have to shower (and I exercised before I ate, getting off three pullups), and this takes until about 2, so I have to sit down and do light-work until about 2:45, and then there's no time left for anything but telephoning a few people (George to find where the session is this evening, Pope to get no answer a number of times), and I think I talked to Arnie an unconscionable length of time today, as well as tomorrow. Also, one of these days Susan calls to say she's very sick in bed, this probably tomorrow too, but it takes a lot of time anyway. I have no time to finish anything else for the index before I have to leave for Joan Ann's at 4, getting there at 4:30 to be told she's running 40 minutes behind schedule, so I get up to Barnes and Noble and buy a 40 Pan Am world guide and a $3.95 D.W. Griffith book, getting back at 5:05 to glance at the islands and then get up to her place to find she'd gotten lost getting to Harper (OH, yes, Darryl called to say he wanted an index done, so I give it to Joan Ann, figuring she has time) in Rockefeller Center, so she's late doing Dorothy Kent, who STILL looks terribly dragged out, and I give her the letters from McGraw-Hill to do (and MADGE called today to say a husband of Margo's coworker wanted work, TOO), then it's 6:30, so we JUST have time for supper of stuffed shells (very good, with good Brillante Rosé) before getting off to meet Pope at 7:35 at the 14th Street BMT station to get to George Pierson's at 8:05 for a Numerology intro (see DIARY 12634), and we're out at 11 to walk in cold to tramway on Roosevelt Island (see DIARY 12636), I getting to Joan's for body session at 11:30 (see DIARY 12637); out at 2 am, bed at 2:45, phone near bed, feeling sort of USED.

DIARY 12638

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 29. Wake at 9:30, musing about dream (see DIARY 12633) until 10:30, then up to type the page, interrupted by Arnold's calling about 10:45 and talking till past noon, arguing about airlines' rules (see DIARY 12639), but then he changes the subject and I break off as soon as I can after the first hour of talking with him. Art calls to say that he'd like Arthur Whitfield coming on Saturday, so I say fine, though Art O might come later; leave work with Joan, who calls back and we have a chat about her flu and her LACK of money (and Margo called today to get lots of questions to ask her employee's husband, but she didn't call back on Friday), and I tell her I'd just given an index to Joan Ann by coincidence; tried calling Art Bauman and HE calls in evening, saying he's not coming with friend; Fred Bassoff rang the phone at 10:30 (having left a message last night) and came over for poppers at 5:50, just before I watch the LAST COMPLETE "Star Trek" that I'd been missing, having gotten the schedule from Arnold; then phone Azak to find that Michael IS coming tonight (and recalled the STRANGE conversation with Azak last night when I'd called him fro Joan's, when he said his paranoid BROTHER kept saying "That's 237" and did EVERYTHING by numerology), so I can't watch "I, Claudius," But I'd showered and shaved before leaving, and Avi called to INSIST we play Monopoly and not watch Olivier in "Come Back, Little Sheba" and Rolf's been subjected to HELL for the past few days (see DIARY 12640) so he doesn't want to come over. Called Andrea and thankfully she's going out of town, so I cross off Dror and Susan, and Joe Farinas said he'll call me back, and Malcolm said he might come. Even Azak might come, though he's partied out, will call back. So I didn't do ANYTHING except get the mail, have lunch of decaying hamburger about noon, putting on the beef to roast for dinner (no, this was Tuesday), finishing the fudge while watching "Star Trek" and getting off at 7:30 to Azak's on the BMT, meeting Michael in the doorway, and we had a STRANGE dinner and conversation (see DIARY 12641), and we leave about 12:10, I get home at 12:45 to finish "The Teachings of Don Juan" and to watch "The Piccolino" in "Top Hat" until 2:30, and do vague light-work until 3:15, AND I took time off about 2 pm to get out the porno and come VERY nicely with the shades drawn in the middle of the day, not shooting FAR but feeling good for the first orgasm since SUNDAY EVENING, and 4 days is just feeling good enough!

DIARY 12642

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 30. Pope had phoned last night about Cavett and Maharishi, and phoned at 8 am, jolting me dreamlessly awake, so I watched a good Maharishi saying "People might misunderstand" if they levitated for them in person now, and we talked from 8:30 to 9, when Stanley Siegel came on with Hynek and Jastrow and Collins-or-someone-from-moon and Mrs. Hill, the original of the "Fuller" "Interrupted Journey," and O'Balski, or someone, who saw 3.5 feet tall "kids in snowsuits" with a huge machine that "sounded like a refrigerator." That went on in a shuddery-cold (so I wrapped me in a blanket) living room until 10, while I eat an ever-smelly hamburger, and then I make beds and putter until 10:30, when I type most of the rest of the pages of the index until 11:30, when I watch a marvelous "Evening of Champion Skating" that I'd missed before, with a Hungarian couple who were funny and an American champion that ticked off 25 split-jumps before smiling for the camera, and a new English silver-medal winner who's British but thighey, and then at 12:30 back to finish the index by 2:05, getting calls from Pope about his non-balancing bankbook, Steve Abramson with more pages on Hepatotoxicity, and Bruce Lieber while I'm watching "Pilobolus" again, from 2-3, brilliant stuff and SO sexy, while finishing up the alphabetization-check, and at last come in for $20/hour UNDER the $/page figure, so I add $29 from before and charge them $479 for 1240 lines, not under 38.6/line, pretty good, and finish the letters and pack the stuff up and leave at 3:30, getting to Raven at 4:15 to Terry's delight, telling her about my trip, then to ACC at 4:25 to pick up the pages, then to the library at 4:30 to xerox two stories from Collier, find that the "Sargasso Sea" notes from Nathanael West were inventions, and get home at 5:50 delighted with the day, bring book list up to date, had EARLIER typed "Books" and "DrexelBurnham" from my desk-file and cleared out my "Now" file and a section of my top drawer with only book ideas to record (see DIARY 12643), and put on roast beef, continue reading "The Obscene Bird of Night," masturbate with Woody's film from 7:30 to 8, feeling GOOD with the wine and Kahlua with milk, and then sit to finish catching up with 10 pages by 10:45 pm. Then get ready for bed, actually IN bed at 11:05, but then I remembered I wanted to watch Peter Beard and someone else, who accuse Tsavo of being wrecked and all of East Africa as a disaster area, till 11:30, then sit up and watch a rather charming "Diary of---actually "Liza's Pioneer Diary" until 1:05, AGAIN a woman ruled by her husband, this time on a trek across Kansas in 1848 to get to Oregon, and people die, she gives birth early, etc. Then light-work, to completion, to about 1:40 and THEN to sleep.

DIARY 12646

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 31. Wake at 7:45 with construction sounds from the new building! Then lay in bed until 9:40, doing light-work from 9 to 9:40 dozing and dreaming (see DIARY 12644), and DO come up with the idea that there have been nine-year cycles in my life (see DIARY 12645). Put on hamburger and eat breakfast at 10:30, and then Malcolm calls and may bring a friend tonight, Paul calls and says he'll bring salad makings, Pope calls to wish me a Happy New Year, and I call Joe Farinas who might come after midnight, since I meet John in the hall and tell HIM that he can come after midnight. Read "Earliest Memories" (start of Vol. 16). Finish these 3 pages by 12:05. Then renumber EARLIEST MEMORIES into DIARY 94001-94041, and type 94042. Later on, Malcolm calls to say he's with a bus driver and will be bringing him, and I call Avi to see if he's coming over to hear the Actualism intro tape, and he's bring grass cakes and coming at 7. I put the things away from the closet and things that are lying around, put out ashtrays with matchbooks in them, grass, and then warm up the last of the roast beef to have dinner while watching "The Best of Sports Spectacular '77," which isn't very good at all, so I shut it off at 5:40 and shower and shave until 6:10, then do the dishes, and get other things ready by 7, but Avi's not here until 7:25, but he listens to the tape anyway, my first customer, and Paul comes up at 7:50 with the salad stuff and I shunt him into the living room to be quiet, then Art Bauman comes with a large bottle at 7:55, and they chat until the tape finishes at 8:15, we talk about it, he felt some of the things happening, thought it interesting as something NOT to close himself off to, thought Russell sounded patronizing, and I brushed him down and we went in to talk until 9:15, when Avi said he was hungry and Art O called to say he'd be meeting ArtW and be here about 10, so I made the salad and we sat down to eat (after putting on "Come Back, Little Sheba" to hear that Olivier has a perfect CHICAGO American accent, and we're finished by 10:15, everyone loving my chili, when Malcolm and Richard come in about 10:30, just before Art and Art at 10:45, and they don't want to eat, and then the party disintegrates into an orgy (see DIARY 12647), ending with Arnold saying how VERY drunk he's gotten (see DIARY 12649), and I VERY much enjoy "Yellow Submarine" from 11:45-1:18, "A Hard Day's Night" until 3, and then the start of "Fiesta" until 4:15, when everyone leaves, and I leave everything on the floor and tumble into bed, grateful that they at least didn't mess up my sheets with fucking.

DIARY 94042


Read "Earliest Memories" (see DIARY 12646) after I lay in bed this morning FLOODED with memories from the past. Then my reading sort of mushed them all together, and I have to sit and think what I came up with. Remembered that (expanding 94005c) I'd tried to use the coal bin as some sort of playroom, with all kinds of fantasies about making it into an actual private room, but nothing ever came of it, since the basement was usually so damp and dark, and there were no lights in it. But among my jobs was the yearly cleaning of the shelves down there, and for many years I can remember my meticulously piling up things down there, until school duties grew too heavy to keep up with them. Funny what I DON'T remember: never remember my mother carrying me, nor my father playing with me. I was never seduced, and I never even got lost, so that I had to overcome my panic and find my way home. I never ran away from home, though I planned to a number of times to "show them" what it would be like without me around to help, and without me around to bully and command. Somewhat later there were flashlights under the bedclothes so that I could read; Algernon Blackwood's "The Willows" being positively terrifying in the dark of night. There were marvelous lightning storms, so that I could count seconds to see how far away the strike was, but one came so close that I could smell the ozone, hear the clap come directly behind the flash, and even fancied that I heard CRACKLING in the air as the energy dissipated. Also forgot (expanding 4006a) that I'd wanted a few times to make a funhouse out of the garage, and drew the ugliest faces I could think of in melting crayon on the wooden walls, so that these would frighten those who came around the tortuous corners of the maze that I thought I might construct out of sheets, without thinking how I would LIGHT all the twists and turns.