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1977 5 of 11

DIARY 11868

MONDAY, APRIL 25. Wake about 6:15 with the first dream (see DIARY 11867) and then back to sleep and wake again, to forget that fragment, and Dennis I guess shuts off alarm and I wake at 8:25, we cuddle, he puts on coffee, then comes back, we jerk ourselves off, to feel nice, he going to get popper and coming back to jerk off on me, then going to make breakfast as I wipe myself off. He's not going to work in order to get to singing lesson, so I read more and leave about 10:45, getting home to find the plants dry, so I fertilize them, then call Naomi about 11:30, then read the mail and put things away until about 12:40, when I do a half-hour of light-work to make up for it that I didn't do Sunday, so I have to do it again today, I INSIST. It's difficult, since I'm into the meditation thing of thinking of all the things I have to DO without going with the MOMENT (see DIARY 11869). Then call Pope and talk about the puzzle, Dennis calls for savings account information, then Dana and Ginny call for him after BobR calls and I call JohnC and talk about Thursday, and finish the crossword puzzle and type 8 by 5:15, NO INDEX! Make up a composite list of dreams, which, since it wasn't covered in the Actualism course tonight, I'll transcribe before throwing away to suck all the possible use out of it (see DIARY 11870). Then make cornbread with half-and-half because I have no milk, and put it into the oven with the last of the roast beef for dinner while I shower and shave, then have dinner, then leave for Actualism, taking along notes for Dennis, phoning him (he's not at work and not at home), phoning JohnC to say I'll call him tonight or tomorrow, and leave about 7:20 to read a bit before standing in the hallway with all of us in the class, and it's another in which the brain has to struggle (see DIARY 11871). Walk to Dennis's (oh, forgot that I did ANOTHER half-hour of light-work, in which I thought of the brain emptying out (see DIARY 11872), thought again of the page I wanted to write about the growth of the Tree of Heaven next door (see DIARY 11873) earlier in the day) by 10:30 and think of the amount of time I waste at Dennis's (see DIARY 11874) and we talk after the chicken dinner about my parent and Dennis's child interacting (see DIARY 11875), and it's 1 am when we crawl lazily into bed, cuddle for a bit, and then fall asleep after a day in which I feel VERY anomalous (see DIARY 11876).

DIARY 11878

TUESDAY, APRIL 26. (10 pages since YESTERDAY!) Wake early again with a forgotten fragment of dream, then Dennis turns off the alarm at 7:45 and gets RIGHT up to put on coffee and shower, and I'm up at 8:15 to make a list of pages that I want to DO today to catch up: brain emptying out (see DIARY 11872), the growth of the tree of heaven next door (see DIARY 11873), wasting time at Dennis's (see DIARY 11874), my parent and Dennis's child (see DIARY 11875), and in general where I'm going (see DIARY 11876). He makes bacon and fries eggs early and we're eating by 9:10, when we leave for the subway, actually less crowded with the long trains than later with the short ones. I get off at 72nd and read, then moon over ANOTHER beauty with a thick chest reading a book on Dianetics, but get home at 10 before the mail, throw out the oleander, re-read the "Basics of Actualism" and part of the Metzner article before doing 40 minutes of light-work between 11:15 and 11:55, then get to typing; Dennis calls for Ginny's phone number, Marty calls and talks for about 45 minutes about "Rigoletto," Verdi, translations, and tonight, and I end up typing 9 pages, lots of it seeming junk, by an again-too-late 1:55 pm. Pack up machine dry-cleaning before I realize that the place is closed on Tuesdays, and then leave it by the door while I go for groceries, get the mail, read it as I boil less-then-mediocre canned Progresso split pea soup, and then AT LAST get down to marking the first 100 pages of the Pathology index (harder work than I'd remember it being) from 3:15 to 6:05, interrupted for five minutes by Bruce's calling and then having to get off the phone, and SO far I'm on schedule, except I won't have it by Friday. Then shower and wash my hair and shave until 6:30, and open a can of tuna and decide to make the icing for the second pan of spice cake, finishing both to a certain degree of satisfaction by 7:05, when I call John Connolly, getting him at last, agreeing to meet at the restaurant named At Our Place at 6:30 with Dennis tomorrow. Out at 7:10 and make good connections to get to NY State Theater at 7:40, get a GOOD change (for a change) to the program for May 10, and see "Trilogy" composed of "The Impresario," "La Voix Humaine," and "L'Histoire du Soldat" (see DIARY 11879) from 8 to 11:20, then to 71st and Columbus in the pouring rain to have antipasto and Cassata Siciliana at La Fortuna with Marty and Dennis talking until 1:15, and get home and tumble into Dennis's bed VERY tired after he comes.

DIARY 11880

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 27. Alarm is awful at 7:45, but Dennis is gamely up and I'm groggily out, reading New Yorker, at 8:25, to eat bacon and scrambled eggs so quickly that we're out AGAIN at 9:10, good for HIM, and I get home to pick up the mail as early as 9:50, only the ASI indexing pamphlet in which I'm still entered, which is nice, phone Naomi to say that I'll have the index in by Monday, which she says is perfect, get a call from Bruce about Karmapa tonight, which I decide not to do, to see von Kleist and finish 2 pages by 10:40: GOOD! Mark pages 101 to 189 from 10:40 to 12:40, when I stop for a tuna lunch, then continue with 190-234 from 1:20 to 2:20, almost nodding to sleep. Do light-work from 2:25 to 3:10 in the hopes of waking up, and I DO, a bit, so that I can type and tear the first hundred pages of cards from 3:15 to 4:15, but it's only 263 cards, which is VERY sad. Bob Rosinek calls and chats for a bit, then I continue marking from 4:25 to 5:25, when I put on the shake-and-bake chicken for Dennis, then from 5:40 to 6:30, getting up to page 313 when he buzzes, and I put on the spinach and we eat, HE taking a whole half-chicken, over a pound of chicken, and then leaving about 7:15 for "Three Sisters." I mope about the apartment, sit staring in the kitchen chair, just VERY tired, and then get the energy to put away the cake and butter and get back to marking from 8-9, skimming, essentially, an impossible chapter to see how many cards I can end up with WITHOUT it, and then watch "The Prince of Homburg" with a mooning Frank Langella, a VERY strange piece of writing for 1810 (see DIARY 11881), and Dennis drags in at 9:50, saying that he was too tired to watch the good production, and washes a bit and crawls into bed at 10 pm to sleep. TV is over at 11, I read a bit about Kleist until 11:15, thinking we MUST have changed in the passing time (see DIARY 11882), and then brush my teeth and waterpick their bloody edges and get into bed about 11:30. But the people two floors down are having a loud party, Byron calls at 11:30 to arrange for poppers at 8:45 tomorrow morning, and Ms. Watson is pounding at 12:10, so I phone her for a VERY strange conversation (see DIARY 11883), after which I sit staring until 12:30 and go to bed to do light-work until about 1, too tense to sleep, and finally I drift off, too late to catch up with the hours that I feel I need to get back to normal. Dennis sleeps to 8 and STILL looks as if he could use more!

DIARY 11884

THURSDAY, APRIL 28. Dennis sets the alarm for 7:30, which is probably good, because the garbage truck starts whining and Ms. Watson starts moving around upstairs, so I'd have wakened anyway. He doesn't get up until 8:05, so it was just as well that I didn't shower or shave last night, and I sauté mushrooms and have eggs with cheese and tomato juice after clearing off the table from last night, and he sips coffee until 9:10, when I start doing the dishes, ending at 9:40 after watering the plants, and then I do some general mooning over Book Digests and movie lists looking to see "Sisters" this afternoon for the earthquake, and then about 10 get down to typing these four pages by 11:05, after filling in a bit about the tree of heaven on DIARY 11873. Take out the dry cleaning and had forgotten that it was $4.75, which makes it just under 50 for each of the 10 sweaters that I take in, and pick up the mail and it's a STACK that it takes me about an hour to go through, and then have lunch while reading another article in which Batchelor seems to say that his series on Pynchon is somewhat of a HOAX in the manner of Richard Farina, though he ends insisting that "Gravity's Rainbow" was a COLLABORATIVE effort. Get a call from Bruce saying that Karmapa was heavy. Get a call from Ginny who wants me to come in Friday, so I say I'll come in this evening, forgot to mention that I did light-work from 11:10 to 11:55, rather nicely, and all that takes me up to starting back on the index to type 230 cards between 2:25 and 3:40, STILL not nearly enough, and talk to Naomi who calls to say that figures and tables should NOT be included, but I talk them all into it, saying it would be a problem with LENGTH. I state that I've already worked about 30 hours and that the final bill will be between $450 and $500, so I'd better get CRACKING on it. Then shower and wash my hair and shave and put on a heavy coat when I find it's getting into the 30s tonight (also roast dirt to kill bug-eggs, a kick and a SMELL), and then watch part of "Sisters" trying to see the earthquake, but it doesn't happen by 4:50, so I leave for the A train, transferring to the F, getting to meet Martha Hayes at 5:50, phoning John Connolly and Dennis at 6:30, and getting there at 6:50 for a rather strange evening with John (see DIARY 11885). To Dennis's at 10:15 to find his electricity off, fuses good, ConEd on, no super, so to my place by 11:30, cuddle, and we both come in sex till 1, much too late!

DIARY 11886

FRIDAY, APRIL 29. Alarm at 7:30 find us groggy again, and he's up at 8 to shower and I FRY some of the most beautiful eggs ever, and he's to work at 9, earliest of ever, and I repot the four babies of pot that John gave me, do light-work for about 45 minutes, get to indexing from 10:35 to 12:10, interrupted by Arnie for about 35 minutes, then get out to pick up the dry cleaning and the mail leaving something under John's door, then the messenger comes with the stuff from Ginny and I look through it, putting things in order, and John's put something in MY door, the Dance Calendar, so I read that and circle some things to see, all of which, with these two pages, takes me to 1:40. Then from 1:40 to 3 type 427 cards from pages 189-292, quite a bit better, then talk to Dennis and Arnie again, leaving work for later, and from 3:15 to 5 mark MORE entries for 331-386, finishing the marking somewhat LONG in time. Then start typing at 5, interrupted by Arnie's calling me back, my deciding not to go to the Pennsylvania Ballet free with him Sunday afternoon, Fred Bassoff calls and comes for 3 poppers, and John Connolly calls to thank us for last night and give the data on a collector to Dennis. I work to 6:05, then put on hamburger and spinach and warm up the cornbread and have some lettuce until 6:40, and then work to finish typing by 8:10, ending up with 1413 cards, an almost PERFECT number, since most entries will be on the long side. Then from 8:10 to 10:25 I alphabetize and edit through the letter D, then turn on "Three Sisters" that turns out to run from 10:30 to 12:45, with a commentary till 1, which is just when "The Midnight Special" starts. "Three Sisters" is rather a downer, though beautifully done (see DIARY 11887), and then there are six English groups on various tapes from 1 to 2:30: Fleetwood Mac, Queen, Elton John, Electric Light Orchestra, Genesis, and Rod Stewart (see DIARY 11888). That's off at 2:30 and I'm almost nodding off to sleep, then brush VERY bloody teeth very well, hoping to cure them overnight (which is what happens), and get into a warm bed at 2:45, sad to see that it's still cold outside enough to warrant a bathrobe when I'm fully clothed to be comfortable watching TV, and warming up the bed with the electric blanket and then turning it back ON when I really need it to sleep.

DIARY 11889

SATURDAY, APRIL 30, Wake at 8:45, surprised that 6 hours seems to be enough, and get out of bed at 9:30, shit a good shit, have cereal for breakfast, water the plants, move the pot around, notice that the Tree of Heaven isn't changing much at all, put things away from last night, do light-work from 10:40 to 11:30, down for the mail to get good stuff, which I look through, and Dennis calls about noon to say that he had to get an electrician this MORNING, bought a typewriter, is working on the index, will meet me for the ballet tonight and then take me to dinner at a Chinese place with a song-stylist, and I leave word for Actualism questions and finish 4 pages by 1:15. Decide to type another page about more thoughts about working at IBM (see DIARY 11890) just then. Then work on editing from 1:25 to 4:15, stop for who knows what reason---probably to put on some hamburger for dinner---and then continue from 4:30 to 4:45 when I stop and eat hamburger that tastes pretty bad because it's not quite done, and eat more cornbread and spinach and then get back to finish the editing from 5:20 to 6:30, at which time I shower and shave and dress in time to leave at 7:15 to get to the Metropolitan Opera House in plenty of time to meet Dennis at 7:50, chat at the fountain, then get in to the side seats and an AWFUL talky, paper-rattling audience for "La Sylphide" with van Hamel and Nagy, VERY mediocre, and "Push Comes to Shove," probably BEST without Baryshnikov (see DIARY 11891). Out at 10:15 and suggest we walk across the park, but Dennis says NO most emphatically, so we're down AROUND the park, and I show him 635 Madison and the Getty Building where SBC was and where 35 E. 61st Street WAS, and then we walk up to Chung Kuo Yuan by 11, downstairs to a flowery dining room for not TOO good a meal of moo shu pork (mediocre) and Da Chin chicken (better with good mushrooms and brown sauce) and a free dessert for $25, too expensive. Then up at 12:15 to the lounge to steal two seats and watch Hugh Shannon, about whom I read Dennis's New Yorker article during ballet intermissions, until 1:45, and it's quite a crowd that watches him (see DIARY 11892). Out about 2 after staring at the fish, walk up to 86th and catch a bus right away, and to bed just before 3 am, both remarking how GOOD it feels to get into bed.

DIARY 11893

SUNDAY, MAY 1. I wake about 10 and do light-work in bed until he wakes at 10:30, and then we cuddle lightly and limply until 11, when he gets up to make coffee and I get up watching "Eleanor of Aquitaine" on Camera Three, and then get to a bit of the Times before he makes breakfast about 12:30, and then I leave about 1:30 to get back home and start on the final day of the index even before typing the diary pages, finishing the final cross-editing from 2:15 to 3:40, then type from 3:40 to 8, taking time out to make tuna and noodles for dinner, and then take the National Disaster Survival Test between 8-9:30 on TV, and I miss a lot of the questions to come up with a final score of 72. Before the special scoring (which lowered most people), the highest score was 91, so the scoring to 90+ as excellent probably didn't include too many people. I ended up just a point or two higher than most averages, except for Milwaukee, where the studio audience got an average of 74, lowering to NY for 67, LA for 66, and New Orleans for 59, but maybe the colder north is more alert than the warmer south. Some ELECTRIFYING films of a high-rise fire (maybe that was the one in Sao Paulo?) with people cowering on ledges, falling and flipping off ladders to smash into the ground, flames engulfing the entire 30-40 floor building. Some good earthquake footage, lots of high waves, and an extraordinary tornado on a clear day all SO much more convincing than ANY trick-shots could ever be. Then finish typing from 9:30 to 10:40, annoyed by her stamping around upstairs, and then I talk to Dennis a bit again, put things away from dinner and the index, and get to the final proofreading from 11:30 to 1:20, after having updated the Job-Money book, and then get some things ready for tomorrow and get to bed under an electric blanket AGAIN IN MAY (since it's about 55 outside and there's no heat) at 1:40 to toss possibly until 2, but though there was a fleeting disappointment at no grass and the slightest possible tinge of jerking off which was quickly put down, I lay thinking nice thoughts, using the Orange to quiet my nerves, until I fell asleep probably not later than 2 am, loving the quiet of my neighborhood. OH, tried out Dennis's new typewriter and transcribe our first thoughts (see DIARY 11894), since I thought they were so great.

DIARY 11895

MONDAY, MAY 2. Wake at 8:30 to her clumping around upstairs, and out of bed at 8:45 to water plants, start typing at 9:10, and finish 3 pages by 9:40. Shower, have a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and then decide that I don't have enough time to practice light-work (but I DID exercise before I showered, first time in a LONG time, going back to level 1!), and left about [just trying the old ball with the brackets to see how it works] 11:10 to take a LONG time on the A train (having just missed one)---NO, I went BACK to Borough Hall because that subway came first, and got off at Grand Central. Got there just before noon and Naomi Feiner is an uncoordinated ditz running around getting her office set up on the fourth floor, and she says that John Cernusca isn't working there anymore and that Margaret doesn't have my next index ready for me yet. I leave about 12:15 (the rain's stopped) and go to the library to work on numerous things until 5:30 (see DIARY 11899), when I'm really hungry, so I leave and stop at a Chock Full on 42nd and have a ghastly ham-and-bean soup and chicken salad sandwich (tough and old-tasting and flavorless) for $1.50 (and regret that I didn't wait for 57th, where they had a $1 special on fish and chips), and then walk north stopping in the Bookmasters on Broadway and 45th and finding nothing, then north on Seventh to check that the ZEN bookshop has nothing that I want from Watts, that the Marlboro's has nothing, that the Bookmasters on 57th and Seventh has nothing, and then I'm to the Coliseum bookshop to find ARNIE browsing through killing time before meeting Cathy for the ballet, and shows me an article by Barnes who LOVED van Hamel as "La Sylphide" on Saturday! I leave about 7:30 and walk uptown to sit in the lounge and read for a bit before Actualism, and it's one of the roughest classes yet (see DIARY 11900), and I'm out at 10 to walk north, buying a bottle of rum to go with the bottle of Blue Curacao I bought for Dennis last week, and get to his place to mourn Matthew's dropping back, and he makes chicken by about 11, so hot in his place that he puts on the air conditioner, and we lounge about and he smokes and we play with each other and HE comes and I work hard on myself and come too, and we both drift off to sleep about 1 am, ready for the alarm tomorrow.

DIARY 11901

TUESDAY, MAY 3. Dennis shuts the alarm off at 7:30 and we cuddle, but then he's quickly up and I'm finishing the crossword, having decided the double crostic is too hard for me this week (got only one word going through twice), and he makes perfect omelets and delicious onions (no, THAT was last night) and home fries (which are sadly cold because he has only one frying pan), and then he leaves about 9 and I stay to finish the Times. Marty calls because of a lunch engagement with Dennis, surprised to get me there, and I finish about 11, put on his service, and walk up to Columbia by way of the three bookshops on Broadway, finding nothing and just about figuring NOT to find anything, and then over to Columbia to do a lot MORE looking (see DIARY 11902) but find that I have to get a REFERENCE, since this isn't a public library! Just wanted to get "Outline of Zen Buddhism," whatever THAT was! Then subway down to 7th and 13th, getting off walking west by mistake, and end up at the Science-Fiction shop (after stopping back at Greenwich Books and talking to the TV producer of a show with Burroughs and saying he could get "Retreat Diaries" signed by BOTH Burroughs and Ginsburg, and would look into "Dead Fingers Talk," too, to buy a Ballard bibliography with the Tuck bibliography that gives me a LOT of new data (see DIARY 11902). Out of there about 3:15, walk across 13th feeling hungry but deciding I don't have much time, check in at Dauber and Pine, who seem to be going out of business, and get an Eiseley book for $1, buy a copy of "Beat Zen, Square Zen" for 80 before seeing it for $1.08 at Weisers, find nothing but packed crates of books at Strand, check the others for nothing, and get down and around to Weisers to meet Stephen Schweikert again, talking about all KINDS of things (see DIARY 11903). WEISER'S staggered me by having 4 Blackwood and 3 Teilhard (that I had to have put aside for $66, then left thinking that Teilhard is all HARPER AND ROW, and call Susan the next day with my list), 2 Watts and 1 Swedenborg, a GREAT coup. Home about 6:45, get 12 calls on my unit, and happily move through my lists, putting on the tuna too soon but letting it sit, hot, from 7:30 to 8 while I play with lists then watch "American Short Story" with amateurish Bierce "Parker Adderson, Philosopher" and ghostly "The Jolly Corner" with Fritz Weaver and Salome Jens in a Brooklyn Navy Yard house by Henry James from 8 to 9:30, then watch Ernie Kovacs, and then update my ballet list till 11, jerk off till 11:30, then read "Recognitions" till sleepy at 1:30.

DIARY 11904

WEDNESDAY, MAY 4. Wake about 8:45 and drink some water and don't feel like doing ANYTHING, so I sit down with the last 200 or so pages of "The Recognitions" and finish it around noon, when I decide to make up a list of the greatest fiction and nonfiction books that I'd ever read (see DIARY 11905). Do some more fiddling with the book list, coming up with the fact that I want only 60 books from 21 authors, and that feels GREAT. Called Bob Rosinek to tell him that Dennis and I have to see Werner on SUNDAY while he can only see Werner on SATURDAY, and he tries not to sound disappointed. Phone Susan, who's busy and says she'll call me back, but I have to call HER at 4:30 to give her PART of my Teilhard list before she almost hangs up on me. I tried John Connolly last night, Dennis has been trying him for three days now, but he never seems to be around. Dennis calls to say he wants to eat at Backstage at 6:30, so I have the last of the tuna fish at 2:30, starting to read "JR" until I get tired of it, and I actually exercised before taking a shower again. Kept thinking about doing light-work, but never got to do it. Bruce called one day to talk a bit about Actualism, and I'm starting to feel like I'm not doing very much WORK. Dennis will be coming here tonight, so I get out in the drizzle for groceries for him, and then fix up the apartment a bit, look through a lot of mail, and then it seems to be about 6 and it's time to leave for the Backstage. Azak called and chatted, and Arnie called and argued about trivia for awhile, The Backstage isn't noisy in the backroom and the prices are expensive, but the veal in marsala is good for $7.75, his prime ribs are HUGE for $8.95 with Yorkshire pudding that tastes rather like a popover, and Ted Hooks whom he knew from the Continental Baths sits next to us and gives us croutons for a snack, and he gets slathers of sour cream for his baked potato, we get loads of butter, and he flies in the carrot cake from San Francisco so we can't get the delicious recipe, and Mrs. Grimble's pecan pie is runny. We're out at 8 to Liv Ullman's "Anna Christie," a good performance in a poor play (see DIARY 11906), and out at 11 to subway to my place to watch "All That Glitters" while Dennis reads and I sip on Raphael and vodka till 12, he smokes a bit, we cuddle, but then we're both tired, so we stop the music and get to sleep about 1 am in the humidity.

DIARY 11908

THURSDAY, MAY 5. I'm up and relaxed before alarm rings at 7:30, and he's up about 7:50 to shave and shower, and I decide to make pancakes and bacon, but the thin frying pan is awful and I'm cursing it out, and the Aunt Jemima frozen batter is quite tasteless. He leaves about 8:45 and I sit down to do light-work until about 10, getting a call from Sophia Pryzyblski, or someone, who says she'll send over an already-marked index, which finally arrives about 6 pm, but more than 500 entries MARKED for a 500-line INDEX! I get down to marking the Harper and Row "Wings and Wishes" from 10:10 to 12:30, and call for questions and get a call BACK from Martha Hayes, back from Florida because it was raining there, and I can finish and get ready to type, but then I stop and wash dishes and make a cake and have cake for lunch and read more of "JR" and don't feel like doing ANYTHING. Dennis calls at 5 to say that he's going to Doris's tonight and probably won't be over, so I shouldn't wait dinner for him, so I call Arnie about the restaurant that's opening here at 4 with free meals, but he's not there, and I had to wait for the messenger anyway. Down for the mail at 12:30 and read it till 1:30, and then I retype the Blackwood Story list (see DIARY 11896-11898) and come up with the Blackwood Statistics (see DIARY 11907), and that takes most of the afternoon until I put on the pork chops to broil and start typing the diary pages. Then eat, finally getting rid of the September 1976 Scientific American on agriculture, not the most interesting yearly issue in the world, and continue typing, doing research, and putting things away until I've typed a total of 13 pages today, by 9:58, JUST in time for TV! Chevy Chase isn't NEARLY as interesting as Arnold Schwarzenegger going mad and killing women on "Streets of San Francisco" with a guest shot by Franco Columbu and many other heaps, and from 11 to 12 I catch up on "Mary Hartman," pretty bad with her husband going to bed-in-jail with the major's wife as he's about to go on trial for murder he didn't do, and "All That Glitters" with a funny Marilyn Sokol spending $900 million for a cosmetics company, and then I do light-work for YESTERDAY from 12 to 12:40, very nicely, and then work on index from 12:40 to 1:50, before I get VERY sleepy, with questions to ask, and get to sleep way before 2 after brushing bloody teeth. Wish they'd HEAL!

DIARY 11915

FRIDAY, MAY 6. Wake at 8:25 feeling so good that I get up, make the bed, water the plants, and settle down to a light-work session (for yesterday, to make up for doing nothing Tuesday and Wednesday---could I say I was processing?) from 9 to 10 that's SO dynamite that I sit right down and type DIARY 11909-1914 about it, a good six pages in just an hour until 11, and then leave word with Sophia to call me, get questions answered by Martha, and put more water on the grass plants, have breakfast and read a new Scientific American, then down for the mail, and finish these 7 pages from today by 12:40. Type cards from 12:40 to 2:35, and then I do something else, but I don't know what (finally get a letter from IBM saying NO to me), because I record that I continue typing through page 163 from 2:35 to 4:40. Then shower and shave and get things together to get out at 6 to Viridian. Think it's on 38th, but phone to find it's 28th, so decide that Dennis might have found it, and walk south to meet him at 35th Street. We are the first customers of the evening, the waitress is plain but pleasant, and the owner comes over to explain rouille sauce with the soup de poisson, like a bouillabaisse, but Dennis gets the turnips au gratin, which are warm and have the acidy turnip taste that the softly-hard-boiled egg takes away; I have the terrine of veal and spinach and lamb, which is sheer dynamite. Though the prix fixe menu is only $11.25, we pay $44 because the owner recommends a Meaursault that "will stand up like a red wine" for $8.50, and have two daiquiris (too tart) on the rocks to start with for $4.50. But my brains in red wine sauce are perfection, and his jambonneau of chicken is very tasty, though all portions are rather small, with rice and mixed green vegetables. Dessert is a strawberry tart to which she's added stewed apricots and oranges as body, and I forget what Dennis has, since at that point Jaquelin Veneroso comes over and chats about Rolf and the Hesses and her cooking and the coming review in New York, and we leave about 9:30 to walk south through the pleasant street to drop in on a spaced-out Tom Hughes who's just finished an article on Mary McCarty for the Sunday Times next week, look up at Emily's apartment, Dennis again says he wants us to eat at the Player's Club, and we subway to my place for sex which is SO great that I forget about "400 Blows" on TV, though we're finished about 1:20, and sleep.

DIARY 11919

SATURDAY, MAY 7. Wake about 9:20, both quite hard, and again we have lovely sex, Dennis getting the popper quite voluntarily, and we're out of bed about 10:20, have a leisurely breakfast, and he leaves about noon to go to his place to work on the index (not doing anything: he goes shopping and buys all KINDS of things that he's very happy about in the line of clothing). I do light-work for about an hour, probably wash dishes, and finally get down to typing the rest of the index from 3:30 to 5, talking to Arnie from 4 to 4:25, and then start alphabetizing and editing from 5-7, when I stop to watch a spectacular "Space 1999" when the Dorcons almost blast the place apart with much sound and light, until their idiot-nephew destroys the place himself and rescues the poor battered alphans. Start watching the first part of a DREADFUL "The Twisted Brain," and it's so ghastly I could almost get into it, but then exercise and shower and get back to editing from 8:50 to 9, starting to watch a BEAUTIFUL body on Patrick Duffy as "The Man from Atlantis," but this is the second part, the "Death Scouts" about two others who come to destroy lots of people before he kills them in an explosion and knows he's come from a far planet rather than Atlantis. Dennis comes over, I forget about watching "Arthur Rubinstein at 90" from 10 to 11, and I put on pork chops while he reads his book and watches the body parts of Patrick Duffy with me. Then we have chops and peas and salad and cake, then get into bed about 12, and though I really don't feel like having sex, he gets into his cock with such a vengeance, smoking and using poppers, that I have to go along with him, steering his orgasms with his tits, talking when he wants me to, boosting him into the air at the climax to see his balls tighten against his cock, his cock stiffen, and the white stuff spurt out the fountainhead as he bends into his orgasm, groaning, smiling, caressing, and saying that it's better than it's ever been, making me happy that my not smoking grass hasn't gotten through to him in a negative way. He brings the Times and is so attentive that I become more attentive to him, and it's a re-burgeoning of the relationship after a period of being so busy that it was relatively sexless---that is, having sex every other day instead of two or three times per day!

DIARY 11920

SUNDAY, MAY 8. He's set the alarm at 7:15 to get up, turning off the alarm himself when I put it over to his side, to get to a tryout at 9:15, and we eat and he leaves, and I get to the puzzle immediately and go through part of the Times, but watch a rather obsequious Faubion Bowers meeting with the King and Queen of Solo on Camera Three, then Bruce Lieber calls and says he'll be over about 2:30, and I type DIARY 11916 about wanting to do EVERYTHING. Oh, forgot that yesterday and today I decided I HAD to go through checks, so when I found how much I had to spend, I sorted through stuff and sent out about 4 things yesterday and a couple more today, all dated for Monday, May 9. Then do light-work nicely, which gives me an idea about everything calculated by FREQUENCY (see DIARY 11921), and exercise before showering, and Bruce doesn't show up yet (watch an AWFUL Gunther Less narrating film gotten elsewhere on Indonesia, which makes it seem ONLY for the crassest tourists, from 1:30 to 2), and Arnie calls wanting me to go with him to the movies today, but I say I can't. Clear up more stuff, including sending the duplicate film back to Maverick in the hopes of getting the two missing ones, and when Bruce doesn't arrive, I start typing the list of Ballard stories from DIARY 11917, but don't finish that until WEDNESDAY! Then he's here about 3:30, we chat for a bit here while he drinks Coke, and get out to find that it's about 62, a bit chilly with my shorts and tee-shirt, but we walk to the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge, chatting, and then I get back to phone Mom about 6, chatting for about 20 minutes about my being G-A-Y and being refused by IBM, and then cook up something to eat as I watch a GREAT TV presentation of Pilobolus (see DIARY 11922) from 7 to 8, and the idea of the UNCUT "King Kong" appeals, so I watch that from 8-10, enjoying the previously-cut long intro on the boat BEFORE they find Fay Wray, and scenes of Kong chewing on a couple of people, grinding them under foot, and throwing the other woman out of the window, and Arnie said he didn't think him sympathetic at all. Flick back and forth to an AWFUL film entitled "Irwin Allen's Production of Fire!" with Ernest Borgnine going to a flaming death in a jeep saving people from a falling burning tree, and that's to 11, when I read more in "JR" after jerking off from 11 to 11:30 with porno, getting to the SECOND light-work session from 1-2, almost falling asleep, but CATCHING UP AT LAST!

DIARY 11923

MONDAY, MAY 9. Wake at 9:30 to a call by Rolf to say he'll be over about 10, so I don't do light-work until he comes at 10, brings 10 new ones for $50, tells me about his two jobs with blood-bank record-keeping and something else, and I chase him out at 11, going to the bank to get cash for the coming weeks, dropping off my book at the library, and black clouds are gathering for an enormous storm that never takes place. Back to read stacks of mail, do light-work very nicely for the last time this week, and invite Arnie over for lunch before going to the double feature at Cinema Village. I shower and shave early, John's brought over his chair and three tables while the polacks paint his apartment (leaving two kitchen cabinet-panels a different color and doing his bathroom in a PR peppermint green), and Arnie comes over at 2:30 after I've called Madge to check on WHY they didn't hire me, but she's not in until Wednesday. He loves the meat sauce I made and the garlic-muffins I do in the oven for him, and then Art calls and we don't have a chance to eat my cake before we leave at 3:40 and get there at 4:15 after he takes time to buy a Times (no, this is tomorrow) and chat with Art (who turns out to be going to CUBA on May 25th). "I Am A Dancer" is poorly edited with Nureyev doing "La Sylphide" with an unairy Carla Fracci, an awful Tetley "Field Figures" that I'm glad I missed with the competent Deanne Bergsma, a "Marguerite and Armand" which is even more boring on film than onstage with an OLD-looking Fonteyn, and a nicely-paced "Sleeping Beauty" with Lynn Seymour. "Arthur Rubinstein Love of Life" is kooky for HIM and again poorly edited, a ridiculous choice for best documentary in 1969, and Arnie sleeps through most of it. Out at 7:15 glad that Dennis didn't join us, subway up to Actualism in time to wash my face, curse them for smoking, and have a good session (see DIARY 11924) until 10:05, when I go back up to get a sheet from Rebekah, and then walk to Dennis's in the drizzle to greet him warmly, have a rather gristly set of meat-pieces in a pleasant-enough soup he made with toasted homemade bread, and he gets into his cock and comes nicely, but though I try, I just can't get it off, so we get to sleep about 1:40, much too late.

DIARY 11925

TUESDAY, MAY 10. Alarm at 8, Dennis goes for coffee while I shower, and he putters until I push him at 9 for breakfast, and have a PERFECT omelet, his bread toasted, and cantaloupe, which leaves me with a nice feeling in my stomach when Michael and Dorothy work with me for free that morning (see DIARY 11926) after I read a bit in the hall between 9:30 and 9:45 for their lateness. I'm out at 10:50, home, phone Arnie who still wants to see the movies, so I decide to go along, Bring up lots of mail, go through it, and through the Australia book that Arnie brought me yesterday, and have the rest of the meat sauce as a sort of sloppy joe before meeting Arnie at 12:45 at his apartment, and he takes in laundry and takes out a Times and we get to the A train to get a quick ride on the crowded line and have time to look through Marlboro's before getting in to "Fox and His Friends" from 1:20 to 3:15, and "The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant" from 3:20 to 5:25, by Rainer Werner (or whatever) Fassbinder, which ends so stupendously it takes a separate page (see DIARY 11927). Try to find a Books in Print at the paperback shop across Broadway, which has nothing, and then over to Weiser's to decide to BUY the three Teilhard for $4 (and not wait for Susan, who says there may be a strike at Harper's, and she's too busy anyway) and the 4 Blackwoods for $66 in all, then, rather than going to Lincoln Center and reading, I decide to check some OTHER places along 8th Street and buy 6 or 7 MORE books from my list, feeling GREAT about it, eating a snack at Nedick's of frank and chips for $1.18, and getting to the State Theater to meet Dennis cheerily at 7:50 and up for a forgettable evening of dance by the New York City Ballet all-of-a-piece (see DIARY 11928). Out at 10:20 and to Brooklyn to 10:55 to find By George closing, so we're down to Henry's End for a GREAT carrot soup and onion soup free with Dennis's appetizer chits from BAM saving us $1.50 each, and a tasty marsala sauce to veal for $5.50, a mediocre asparagus and mushroom quiche, and good walnut pie and too-heavy chocolate perversity for a bill that ended about $22 with a quart of Chablis that left us feeling VERY good when we left about 12:15, listening to the free poor-guy guitar until 12 and meeting Joel-the-waiter, a friend of Dennis's, and here to crawl into bed to find Dennis hard and willing, so he comes and I come with lots of juice, and AGAIN we're to sleep at 1:40, much too late for him to get up at 7 am!

DIARY 11929

WEDNESDAY, MAY 11. Alarm goes at 7, Dennis lies until 7:20 and groans into shower, while I get up and fry the last of the mushrooms and broil the last of the bacon for a good breakfast until 8:30, when he says I should call Art, and then I get to booklist-looking again until Art calls at 9:30, checking on when we'll be there. Worked out well! Art's going to Cuba in two weeks. Then I rearrange the books on my shelf, with 152 to read with only 55 on list, give the furniture back to John, who's finished getting his place painted, and then DETERMINE to get caught up with diary, so I finish typing the list of Ballard stories that had been in the typewriter since Sunday (see DIARY 11917-11918), and then finish these 12 pages by 2:05, interrupted with a call from Bruce who says I GLOW when he says the 26 lessons COUNT the intensives, so if they count the COUNSELING TOO, basic will be over THIS MONTH with ONE more intensive (to make the 5 I think I heard mentioned before) and lesson 20! Bob Rosinek called to remark about "beings of light" in Castaneda's "Tales of Power" (his "graduate" book), and BRUCE mentions it, so things ARE connected. I have a lunch of sorts with the last of the cereal and two pieces of cake, but the excess of sugar makes me feel light headed and drowsy. Sit for a couple of minutes basking in the Subjective Sigil, and feel relief that I don't have to sit for an hour at a time practicing this week. Get more checks written for bills that I'd gone down to the mail for, and clear things up by 3:55, when I finish editing the Harper and Row index, calling Margaret once during the day for questions and once at 5:30 for final checking, but she's not there. Since I can't do more on that, I switch to the Hyperthermia index, which I phoned in an estimate of $250-$300 and they demanded it be kept down to $200 with a maximum of 900 lines. I type the whole thing from 5:50 to 8:05, including preliminary marking of the author's marks and alphabetizing roughly, so it WILL be quick. Then shower and wash my hair and shave by 8:50, so I get stuff together and leave for Art's by 9:30. Dennis is already there, Art has SPECTACULAR artichokes ready for us in a sour sauce, he speaks of his father's slight improvement, his trip to Cuba, Dennis about his auditing a commercial class, we about Fassbinder's films, and Dennis is so tired at 12:30 that he puts his shoes on and we go to our own homes; he doesn't even make me feel guilty about not joining him. I'm home at 12:50 and read to 1:50 in "The Mote" and then sleep soundly.

DIARY 11931

THURSDAY, MAY 12. Wake relaxed at 9:10 with memories of a dream about an English woman (see DIARY 11930), shit, and do these two pages by 9:55, early! Then I have breakfast, water the plants, put things away, and find that it's 11:10 when I get back to the final questions from Martha and editing of the index, for Harper and Row. Get to typing straight through until 2:30, and then proofread and alphabetize from 2:30 to 4:30, finding out that I've put "final/ initial/ medial positions" when it should have been "Initial/ medial/ final positions," so I mark up the MS and get finished after talking with Dennis for 20 minutes. Call Martha twice, and promise I won't call again. Then I decide to make tuna and noodles for dinner, since I haven't had anything since breakfast. Eat and read a bit and get some things together, and shower, and suddenly there isn't time to do anything else, but I have to meet Arnie at the subway at 7:35 for BAM's "The Three Sisters." He's there waiting for me, and we immediately get into an argument about "The Man from Atlantis," and the speed of his swimming against dolphins, and I see more than ever how Pope could get annoyed with it. He sleeps through much of the play and the fellow on the OTHER side of me sleeps through much of the play, so I'm glad when Arnie leaves at the end of the second act and I can move to his seat. The play's not that bad (see DIARY 11932), and it's over at 11. Phone Arnie at 11:15 to see if he's gotten in touch with Dennis, but Dennis's phone is on the service, so there's no use of MY calling him. Felt vaguely like going to his place last night on the subway, but I had no way of knowing if he was home, or even if he might have been surprising ME and coming to MY place, so I went home to read, had some yogurt to stop some hunger from the two small meals today, and read "The Mote" until 1:30 and felt very sleepy, though very GOOD, having done some of the wing-work today, and read a lot, and (OH, FORGOT that I went to the library to find no Watts "Easter" on the shelf, bought stamps just before 5 pm, checked and filled out ANOTHER PO box application, and found that a commercial bank has to sell me 75 pence, and checked the used book shop and brought back laundry, THAT'S what filled between 4:45 and 6 pm) get to sleep about 1:45.

DIARY 11933

FRIDAY, MAY 13. Wake at 8 and lay until 8:30 when Watson starts plodding. Don't feel the SLIGHTEST erection these last few days, so I'm saving for Dennis. Put things away and get RIGHT to the hyperthermia index for ACC from 9 to 10:30, finishing the editing that quickly, and then decide to take it in today TOO, so I start typing from 10:30 to 12:30, doing the 23 pages that quickly, and then I'd put in the tuna to heat from 12 to 12:30, but that's just barely warm enough, and called Susan and Martha to say that I'd be in late, and they think it's fine enough. Have lunch, then get back to proofread and finish checking from 12:50 to 1:30, and then Bruce calls and we talk about how many gay people he knows and he says I have some of the same qualities as Tom Campbell, which is a KNOCKOUT, saying that even Alice Bailey says that people who have lived through a couple of cycles of Devi-life come back as a PARTICULAR KIND of homosexual, and that would be a KICK. But he doesn't say that he sees the same quality in Bruce Jaffe and in Michael Blackburn, as I do---but the conversation is exciting. When he pops on and off the phone, I finish up the bill for $165 for the ACC index which I'd first estimated at $250-$300 as an exercise in incorrectness, and then leave word with Sophia that I'll be in between 3-4. I call Dennis and talk to him, saying I'll be there tonight, and then go down for the mail to find the film from Maverick arrived and NOT the ticket for est so I call and it's to be at the Hilton, so there'll be a nicely small crowd. I type these two pages for the day, pleased to be FINISHED for a bit, by 2:30. Then I shower and shave and get out about 3:30 to get to Ginny at 4 (and phone ACC and find Sophia gone already), pick up a HEAVY index next, and Martha's too busy to even LOOK at what I've given her. Ginny wants to lend me her tote bag, but I say it'll hold, and it breaks, so I have to get a heavy envelope at ACC at 4:50, and then it's so heavy that I decide to subway home, read some, and then subway to the Hilton about 7:40 for a seat way on the side for the Gyalwa Karmapa and a bit of old-fashioned Buddhism (see DIARY 11935) from 8:10 to 10:20, then up to Dennis's to find him not there, read until 1:30, eating LOTS of dried apricots that make my teeth gritty and accentuate the acid-sensitive etchings on the upper edges of my upper left teeth, when I'm tired, and he comes in at 1:40, we chat for a bit, and sleep at 2, since we're both rather tired, though he says Peggy was VERY exhausted.

DIARY 11938

SATURDAY, MAY 14. He sets the alarm for 10, since he has a tryout that he wants to go to, and he has coffee and I go rather immediately, since I want to get to stamps. Home about 11 and sort through to find that not that many have to be soaked, but there are huge stacks of stuff to be put away from the United States and the United Nations. Then get to the stuff from Hamilton, suspecting that unsoaked stamps are included there, and sure enough they are. Talk to Bruce a bit to say that the Karmapa wasn't that great, talk to Arnie, and make arrangements to meet Dennis at 8:40 in front of the Bottom Line. Then I wash dishes, cleaning the second square cake pan again, so again I get down to making another of the cakes for 33, this time chocolate, and the flavor uncooked is pretty good, and I have some cereal---AND I went to the grocery store when I got home from Dennis's this morning. Make the cake, sort through all the Hamilton stamps, looking in wonder at all the sheets and envelopes and special issues, not really knowing what to do with them (see DIARY 11941), and since I don't have any newspaper, put them onto pager bags to dry, although some of them stick. Get the sort of spacy feeling I sometimes get when handling stamps for a long time, and it may be partly due to hunger. I have hamburgers and some peas for dinner, but that's not been enough for the day. Set up the folding table and put on lots of records: Bruckner's symphonies mainly, and get a couple of calls from Dennis amused with things from his index. I don't feel guilty at all today about not working on indexes, but it'll build. Then decide I MUST shower, but don't have time to wash my hair or shave, and have hamburger and watch "Strange Creatures of the Amazon" from 7:20-8 and then start of "Earthquake" to 8:20, and when I get off the subway at Christopher Street I SORT of saw on the map that I should just walk down 4th, but I'm in a hurry so I walk down to BLEECKER and then turn RIGHT to see the sign for HOUSTON Street before realizing how fucked up I am, so I get to the door at 8:55 and there are only two seats left RIGHT by the stage, and I know I'm to blame for being so late, but we get an INTERESTING view of Dolly Parton between the legs of her guitarist (see DIARY 11939) from 9:45 to 10:30, then out to walk to Christopher subway station, up to get a Times, and he serves strawberries in coffee ice cream while we look at paper, then cuddle and get into sex from about 1 to 2, he coming marvelously on my chest and my coming in GOUTS.

DIARY 11940

SUNDAY, MAY 15. I wake about 8 and do a LOT of thinking about stamps and what to do with them (see DIARY 11941), and Dennis wakes at 10, feeling horny, and I suggest he dial his number to make it busy, which he does, and then we have GREAT sex until 11, when he calls his folks while I read more of the Times, after watching the Moslem servant in the Solo court being circumcised on Camera Three. Dennis finally gets a fabulous breakfast of green beans, home fries, and omelets together by 1, when I've finished the Times enough to start on the puzzle, and when he DOESN'T react negatively when I suggest the zoo, he showers, I call Dana to find that they went to get downtown by 6 to be on time for the Merman-Martin gala at 8, and I do more reading and we leave for the Bronx Zoo about 2:30, which turns out to be VERY tiring, though we end up seeing quite a lot (see DIARY 11942). Onto the subway about 5:45, squeezed into narrow seats until 42nd Street, and then right out to my place by 6:45, coaxing Dennis home from the idea of walking on the Promenade by the idea of a frozen daiquiri, and I outdo myself in the kitchen by buying 2 artichokes for 50, cutting them and boiling them while melting butter for them, then getting the chicken ready for the oven after making the daiquiris, then making the icing on the cake, by which time we eat the artichokes, which are still pretty good, and then I shower and shave while waiting for the chicken to finish at 8:45, and then he says he wants to have sex and get to bed before 1 am, which I say is impossible. We finish about 9:30, having had lots of wine, and finishing the last of the spinach and having freshly-iced cake, and we're into the bedroom to play 7 of the 11 reels of films for him to rate, and he likes Big Jim, even though he doesn't come, and Angelo, which is the last one I put on, and by that time we're both hot enough to come VERY nicely, hot as blazes, and we get to sleep just minutes before the 1 am that Dennis said he wanted. During the movies the tape music stopped, and I'm out (glad that I'm not stoned) to find the tape wrapped around the capstan and one of the turntables not turning, so I have a NEW problem to attend to: a never-ending list, it seems. Dennis was impressed with the sight of all the stamps.

DIARY 11943

MONDAY, MAY 16. He set the alarm for 7:15 and gets out of bed about 7:45, and I'm up to broil bacon and sauté mushrooms and scramble eggs and have orange juice and remark that (with my place with Saturday's dinner, the plate I'd gotten to catch the water from stamps, two dinner plates last night, two large plates for breakfast now) I've gotten every dish dirty AGAIN, and I just WASHED dishes on Saturday! He leaves about 9, I put on records and wash dishes, water plants, put socks in to soak, and get back to stamps, deciding to winnow the world-map density of stamps by taking out all SINGLE stamps, and by coincidence find that there are 35 countries of these, most of which I add to the album. Arnie calls, I tell him about my tape machine breaking, he asks me to look at it, but I don't have a tiny screwdriver for the on-off switch, so he says he'll come over. I'm getting hungry, but I just have some cake, which is a mistake, since I get a sugar rush, and get back to sort out 30 countries, finding that it takes 2-5 stamps to settle this allotment, so with about 150 countries I can do it 35, 30, 25, 20, 15, 10, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, which sound GREAT. Just about finished with the 2-5 stamps from 30 countries and he's over at 3, taking things apart, fussing with belt, putting it in, but finally it works, and then he leaves at 4 to see "Hard Times," which I end up watching while I finish the stamps for TODAY, putting away the duplicates with GREAT discomfort in the knees from kneeling before the drawer with the duplicates in them, and then I put in the chicken leg at 5:30 for dinner and dither about my inability to act (see DIARY 11934), which finally sends me to the typewriter with the two pages for today, not nearly enough, and have the leg while reading the start of "Nature of Personal Reality" (AND, I forgot, that I finished the last 20 pages of "The Mote in God's Eye" this morning after Dennis left---and was happy there was no mail when Arnie came up, and he got none either), then shower and wash my hair and shave and get out to find that it's 7:20, and I have to leave for ACTUALISM, so there went the day with NO work on indexes done, which enters into the session tonight (see DIARY 11944). To Dennis's by 10:20, he's cooking hearts and green peppers for a great spaghetti sauce, making a fabulous pear nectar/blue Cointreau/honey/rum/ice drink in the blender, and we're done at 11:40 to neck for a bit, but too tired, both of us, to do anything, we cuddle and neck and decide to let each other get to sleep at 12.

DIARY 11946

TUESDAY, MAY 17. He's up quickly at alarm at 7, I'm tired and dozing off until breakfast's ready at 8:45, and then he dawdles around while I eat the hamburger and green beans and about 10 I ask if he's GOING to work, but he's doing special research for his letter to Time-Life on special people, particularly Ellington. I get home about 10:30 to find all the mail that should have come yesterday, but I read that, move the pot to the east, and then get to stamps, doing the 25 countries with 5-10 stamps, and when I'm finished I just don't want to leave the TABLE, so I answer the call from Arnie (and tell him about getting tickets at the Kitchen, and he just called to say that he HAS them for 3 for tomorrow night!) and after I finish THAT 15 I go through and sort out the 20 countries that are next, finding that they DO count from 11-20 stamps, and intrigued about the next 15, so I find that the next 15 will have from 12-39 stamps VERY EXACTLY, and I'm left with 22 countries, so the next batch will be 10, then 5 (2.5), then 3 (1.5), then 2, then 1 (0.5), 1. That takes me until 2:215, Dennis calling, and I HAVE to stop, but I can't get started so I moan about Again the Misery (see DIARY 11937) and type a few pages, then eat chicken leg from 2:50 to 3, reading Jane Roberts and getting the book all chicken-fatty, and then FORCE myself back to the typewriter and finish a rather astounding 11 pages to GET CAUGHT UP totally by 6:05 pm, NO INDEX WORK. Shower and shave and get out at 6:40, so there's only time to dress and get out in the muggy weather to decide to IRT to City Center, getting off at 50th, and THAT decision, along with my no time to eat, puts me on 7th and 53rd to pass DENNIS coming from an audited commercial class! COINCIDENCE! We're up to buy 4 $11 seats for Ailey, then down to eat a Canadian Burger in a place that, ANOTHER COINCIDENCE, serves a cheap approach to the potato puffs whose recipe I cut out of NY Times magazine Sunday. Good snack for $2.25 and dash down to the Little Theater for "Gemini" and Art was wrong that it was good and Arnie was right that it was bad (see DIARY 11947). Out at 10:15 and wander 42nd Street to see no movies and subway to my place for Raphael and vodka and start sex at 11:35 and end at 12:45, having done ONE of my fantasies of BOTH getting worked up and HIS coming JUST PUTTING ME OVER into coming, and he shoots a lot and I send up a GREAT spurt curling over my stomach that he falls atop, saying what a good time we both have, and a COMPLEMENT us on making a GOOD Personal Reality ala Seth.

DIARY 11949

WEDNESDAY, MAY 18. Dennis is awake and up before the alarm, and then it rings and I lay there, letting him come in and turn it off. Then the coffee boils over again and I tell him to put it on the FRONT burner so it won't go on the wall, and he asks what ELSE I have to complain about now? He showers as I broiled bacon, fried eggs, poured orange juice, and then got out "Greening of America," John's Dictionary, and "Future Shock" for his letter to Time-Life about Elvis Presley and Duke Ellington as epitomes of rock'n'roll and jazz, respectively. He left about 9 after I watered the plants and made the bed, but I just HAD to get down and finish the double-crostic from Sunday's Times, which meant that I didn't finish these 3 pages till 11:11 am. Then work on the shoe-industry index from 11:15 to 12:35; Bruce calls from 12:35 to 1:15; then I type a couple of letters: to the YMCA sending $11 for Perrin, to Perrin saying I'm sending $11, to free-lance writing from the New York Times, for free labels from Product 19. Then I get out to mail the letters, deposit my $1500 check from McGraw-Hill and get more cash, go to a commercial bank to find they charge $3.25 for an international money order for 75 pence and they tell me to send a check, and pick up my Chinese laundry. Have lunch of hamburg and mushroom soup when I finish cooking it and ALSO finish icing the last bit of the chocolate cake, finishing one at last for lunch and licking the bottom clean while reading "Nature of Personal Reality," and then phone for the tape-belt, HAD phoned Szenburg after phoning Academic Press to check on outline-card-index format, and then get back to the index from 4:15 to 5:20, when I decide to call Pope, Dennis calls by mistake, and then Arnie calls, and I talk to Pope until 6, when I check that I want to do the sex questionnaire, phone back on the tape-belt, shower and wash my hair, and have done SO much today that's NOT work that I do THIS until 7 pm! Finish marking footware index from 7-7:30, then take the National Sex Test from 7:30 to 8 with Helen Kaplan Singer and others holding forth, and I got 8 of 13 right, but missed 4 of first 5. Then meet Arnie at 8:15 in the rain, get to the Kitchen at 8:35 to find Dennis there for 15 minutes, and I like the concert (see DIARY 11950), but Dennis leaves 15 minutes into "Drumming" and Arnie sleeps but stays, and we walk up to 14th, where I catch an express to 96th, getting to Dennis's at 12:20, we talk till 1, then cuddle a bit and decide to sleep in air-conditioning.

DIARY 11951

THURSDAY, MAY 19. Alarm goes at 7 even THOUGH Dennis said he'd be staying home and we could have sex, and he puts coffee on and then lays until he asks me to look at my watch and it's 9:45. Richard calls then and says he'll be down tomorrow at 11 am for the Cooper-Hewitt exhibit, so I'll be at Dennis's tonight, so decide to see the movies tonight, so he makes breakfast early, I eat reading another art-boring "Art in America" where NOTHING seems to be going on to interest me, and I leave about 11:00, getting home about 11:45 after stopping at Arnie's at 11:15 to bring back umbrella and take up mail to him and Pope, wishing Pope a Happy Birthday when Arnold does, and then home to read mail and his brochure on the Brighton Pavilion, then get these two pages done by 1 pm, again too late.

DIARY 11958

THURSDAY, MAY 19 (continued from DIARY 11951). Work on the footwear index, finishing it, from 1-3:30, feeling interesting in finishing a CARD index, which benefits by leaving me WITHOUT the cards to get rid of later and even WITHOUT a copy of the manuscript to wonder how to discard. Start on "Clues and Clocks" for Harper and Row from 4-5, then shower and eat and out to "Mystery of Caspar Hauser," by Herzog, better than I would have thought, with an actual schizophrenic impressive as the poor bastard that the MOVIE implies was kept and later KILLED by his father---the "lost prince business being rather summarily dismissed by saying "they can get rid of people they don't want in a MUCH more direct way."" Then "Walkabout" is perfectly adorable, by a VERY talented Roeg, and I even got to see the sexy aboriginal's cock finally, in a tearfully idyllic scene that the girl retreats to when HER life becomes almost as empty as her father's when he kills himself. Interestingly, Richard had read the BOOK and says that the father's death was in a JEEP ACCIDENT that left them stranded, so Roeg really added a dimension of mystery TO it. Then up to Dennis's for whatever happened.

FRIDAY, MAY 20. Dennis goes off to work, I phone Susan and Arnie, and then Richard comes in about 10:30, we chat for a bit, then bus across to the Cooper-Hewitt, which turned out to have a few items from the Brighton Pavilion but a lot more drawings that gradually got to be boring. $1 wasn't bad, and the greenhouse was now open and there was a BEAUTIFUL large butterfly visiting the colorful bed of pansies. Then walk across the park, staring at some sexy joggers, and he buys a frank before we enter the Museum of Natural History for dinosaurs (which haven't changed, so nothing new) and diamonds (which they've taken lots OUT of the central main case, so it's a little lower), but we sit to watch the slide show again, then he leaves with me about 2 when I get home to buy groceries and get home about 3:10 while he stops for theater tickets for himself tonight (I'd lied and said someone was coming over, but John Connolly and Bob Rosinek wouldn't) and Dennis is going to Twyla Tharp with Frank and staying over THERE tonight, a first. Then he phones about 3:30 and comes over about 4 to sleep, and I work on C&C from 4:05 till 4:50, when Szenburg calls and wants Footwear MAILED to Academic Press, so I pack it and get over to the post office to mail it, insuring it for $100 and grumbling about the time I'm SPENDING without BILLING him. Back at 5:50 to find Fred on the point of leaving popperless, but take care of him, and Richard's a bit grumbly because he was wakened by Fred's ringing. Work more from 5:50 to 6:20, then we're around the corner and eat in Sebastian's, where the girl mixes up HIS sea bass and MY sole, and it's not great, not bad, but rather expensive for plain fish. Get ice cream for dessert and stroll the Promenade, then he goes off on the subway. Get into stamps, almost finishing the 20 11-20-stamp countries. Then from 12 to 1:15 watch the totally charming Louise Brooks as a convincing LULU in "Pandora's Box," taken from the same Wedekind plays "Pandora's Box" and "Earth Spirit" that the opera was taken from, though ignoring the whole scene with the painter (though her painting was there "for those who knew") and making it all much more believable. Get VERY drowsy toward the end, but still jerk off deliciously when the urge hits me after I don't fall INSTANTLY to sleep.

DIARY 11959

SATURDAY, MAY 21. Sleep till about 10:30, then to stamps, about which I'm feeling increasingly frustrated: they're fun for SHORT times only, but then it becomes an OBSESSION, which is no longer fun! Maybe eat something quickly before getting out to Alvin Ailey at 2, where I'm disgusted that they substitute TWO old things for TWO premieres this season (see DIARY 11960), but I light up some energies and end up ENJOYING the program. My God, may ACTUALISM be working??? Out at 4:30 to wander down to 42nd, then eat in the coffee shop, where I have a delicious hot fudge sundae while they have lunch, and then we're looking for movies to pass the time until 8:30, and I tell Rick that the Apollo balcony is cruisy, so he goes to see "Cross of Iron" and finds that the balcony ISN'T cruisy. Dennis and I check "Slapshot" and a few others before "Rocky" has a good time: we see the climactic fight and stay through to the climax of the film, where Rocky says he'll be content if he can just stay the distance, which he does, refusing a rematch. But if THIS is the film that won the Academy Award as being the best, Dennis hopes that "Star Wars" wins for NEXT year. Not THAT good, though I liked the PEOPLE better than Dennis seemed to, though Talia Shire was IMPOSSIBLY shy, and it WAS schlocky. Then we're down to Sweet Basil to get center seats for Jim Hall (see DIARY 11962), who wasn't terribly exciting, though the bassist was good, and it was more valuable for people-observing than music-hearing. We're tired enough to come to my place, buy Times, and all be in bed by 1, Dennis and I have dynamite sex while Rick slept in the next room, probably fuming, since he didn't seem to be having much fun this weekend, and we decided to stay away NEXT weekend, which was nicer then if we'd spent MORE time with dour Rick.

DIARY 11961

SUNDAY, MAY 22. Up about 9 for again-dynamite sex until 10, when I fry up lots of mushrooms and make scrambled eggs with them that NO ONE says anything for or against, and we read the Times, Rick goes off, Dennis goes off to his dance concert, I get into stamps, finish the 15 countries with 12-34 stamps, and then continuing through the day (I think I had ONE meal today) alternating with stamps and TV, watching the first part, that I'd missed, of "This Britain: Heritage of the Sea" from 2-2:30, then get to the 10 countries with 40-60 stamps, stopping from 4:30 to 5 to watch a program about the history of Spoleto in Italy and how it's moving to Charleston this year, then stamps, then Ernie Kovacs from 6:30-7, then stamps, then eat something while watching "Once Upon a Time Is Now: The Story of Princess Grace" by Budd Schulberg from 9:30-11, sit through the news doing stamps, convinced there IS no news recently, then watch David Susskind from 11:30 to 1:30 about air crashes while counting out the rest of the stamps and putting them in order of how I'll do them next, and stagger to bed at 2.