Any comments or questions about this site, please contact Bob Zolnerzak at

bobzolnerzak @verizon.net

 

 

 

1978 10 of 10

DIARY 13684

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 3. Wake at about 8 and lay there trying to do lightwork, but it doesn't work until Dennis wakes at 9 and we sort of lie there together, and then I roll over on top of him and we get hard and play and then we're BOTH up VERY hard, and he comes QUITE quickly after going to get the poppers and getting his cock VERY wet, and he comes in large gouts which he then rolls in and obliterates, so I have to work slowly away with my LEFT hand, but I come in GREAT spurts, which he loves, and then he gets up and I get up and it's only 10 am, so he has time to look at something at his index and I have time to do ALL the dishes that have been piling up, and then he goes out for the Times and bagels, returning while I'm watching a rather poor program on Camera Three, and he brings the paper, which I scan while he calls his folks, and then I toast bagels and we have butter and cream cheese on them after I phone Rolf and tell him to come over at 1, and from 11:45-1 I answer Dennis's questions and get him ready for the final typing, and then Rolf's late at 1:25 and I look at HIS stuff quickly and he leaves at 2:15, saying he'll phone me after he's finished his proofreading, and I say I'll go through it later. Then at 2 I watch the FABULOUS interpretation of "Chaconne" (which isn't even IN the dictionary, but means "dance and tune" in the French dictionary) by Martins and Farrell, and a disappointing "Prodigal Son" with a Baryshnikov who's not as electric as Villella, until 3, then answer questions and read more Times, then watch "Callas" from 3:30-5:30, but I'm bored with her singing, so I put TV off at 5:30 and talk with Dennis and ask at 5:59: "What do you fantasize" for dinner, and he says "Something exciting" and at 6:02 Hubert's calls and says they have a cancellation for Paula Wolfert's dinner, so I shower and put dishes away and shave and dress, waiting for Rolf to arrive at 8, and watch "Long Search" at 7-8, good (see DIARY 13685), and we leave at 8:30 and walk in the rain to wait outside until 9:10 and then have Moroccan feast: with fingers: cold marinated brains/tomatoes and peppers/crunchy carrots of appetizers, a good cold rosé for $5.50 that complements the meal fabulously, a hot flaky bisteeya with chicken instead of pigeon and LOTS of nuts and goodies, VERY filling, then red snapper under nuts, then chicken in lemon, a whole half for the two of us, then couscous, all with fingers, and then cool orange in lemon and powdered sugar and two hot cups of coffee, and we walk back in the increasing rain and I'm too wet and stuffed and tired to stop at the post office, but Dennis wants to play for me so I get out the Mystic Moods tape and put it on and then get into talking him into it, and he plays and looks and comes VERY determinedly, and I'm even hard watching him, but at 1 am my stomach has gone down SUFFICIENTLY to crawl into bed, regretting having eaten so VERY much, when I KNEW it was too much. DAMN!

DIARY 13687

MONDAY, DECEMBER 4. Alarm rings and Dennis gets up in the dark at 6:45 to start proofreading his index. I go through Rolf's index in detail and come up with LOTS of stuff to correct, and finally at 8 Dennis is finished and gets into the shower and has coffee and finally starts typing about 9:30, which is good enough for anyone. I start proofreading HIS stuff, and then Susan comes in at 10:30, as I'd predicted, and she does a good session on me (see DIARY 13686) until about 12, and then she's over to Amy's for HER session. Dennis left about 12, leaving the rest of the stuff with me, and then I phone Rolf and talk with him from 1-2 about his corrections, and I'd gathered the stuff together to take and surprisingly Audre says I can borrow the indexing books. Get to her place about 3 and she's RESIGNING as of the first of the year, and she lets me take BOTH books, trying to introduce me to Ruth Ferguson who'll take her place, saying "Coal" was just fine, going to WRITE. Then walk down to Raven and Berta shows me the Cancer index and I find, to my relief, that I'd had it RIGHT, it's been CHANGED, and all the corrections were BACK TO MY NUMBERS. Phone Catherine McKay and she says she has to leave at 4:45, so I can't wait for the Raven xerox to be free, Virginia said $400 would be fine for the index unless Berta finds it insufficient, which I'm sure she won't, and I dash for the 42nd St. BMT and down to Springer at 4:05, going through all the indexes with Catherine, fine, accepting $200 for Dennis's bill, saying there'll be LOTS more next year, and TERRY is leaving Raven and BARBARA is leaving Springer, so EVERYONE'S on their way out!! Start xeroxing both indexing books at 4:45-5:50, leave in windy gusts of rain, find two "do-not-mail" letters in the JOYI box, home to work the puzzle, then find it's 8 pm and I have to catch up on the diary, doing that in 11 glorious pages until 11:05, STILL nothing on index, putting stuff away, ready to eat FIRST meal of the day while watching TV at 11:30 since my stomach STILL feels full from the fantasy feast last night, and I'd phoned Dennis and he wasn't home. THEN phone Dennis and demand he come up for the ballet, and he does, and STILL don't feel hungry, so I just heat up the rice and start eating it watching "Chaconne" (see DIARY 13688), but it doesn't seem RIGHT, so I continue watching that not eating, Dennis leaves at 12, I finish watching "Prodigal Son" and put things away and get into a hot bed after brushing my teeth and taking my pills, and doing start of lightwork for 25 minutes, but going directly to sleep after bedding down at 12:55, not finishing lesson.

DIARY 13690

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 5. Wake at 7:40, back to doze for dreams (see DIARY 13689), then re-awake at 8:40 and get up to shower, but decide to type 3 pages to save dream by 9:10, 8:45 sounds of air-hammers from next door seemingly making typing allowable. Shower, make hamburger for breakfast, get set for indexing, and leave at 10:50 to get to Amy's after finding Avi's index is postponed into January. She gives me another fabulous reading (see DIARY 13691-13695) from 12-2 after we talk about her schedule for the Biology text with the last 4 chapters in December 15 and the final text in December 22, and it might work. Home with people staring at the "white wand" of a shower curtain rail cover she'd given me, and pick up the mail and sit down and read New York while I'm going to the john, and then type the 5 pages of the reading to make it 8 for today, and then phone Rita from 2:35-3, and then call Avi and chat from 4-4:20, and then catch this page up to date at 4:25, getting to the Sophia index AT LAST! Mark pages 185-265 from 4:25-5:55, type 305 cards from 6:40-7:50, having had dinner of ham in the meantime, still troubled with the shits, and then mark 289-384 from 7:50-9:05, type 218 cards from 9:05-9:35, mark 345-479 from 9:35-11, type 318 cards from 11-11:40, and edit straight through, getting cold toward the end, from 11:40-3:50, getting to bed and setting the alarm for 8:30. Tried phoning Art about 11:45, but there was no answer, and Bruce called a couple of times and I just had to keep saying that I was very busy. Missed a TV show I wanted to see tonight, and I think on the rest of the page I'm going to see what this typing unit is like: WEMMNQRITYPICK. So the letters seem to remain separate even though I'm typing with a 10-ball (that's NOT where I would have wanted to break, didn't know it hyphenation-adjusted words TOO. The extraneous blips for each control make it a bit shaky to use, but I'm sure you'd become used to it. Wondered if I was coming down with some kind of sickness: felt ill but nothing to really complain about. Just working the shift sounds like I'm typing like crazy! Inconvenient place for the exclamation point: above the 1! Actually, they made a mistake leaving it, because I find more WRONG with it now than I find RIGHT, though not having to worry about correctype is a GREAT boon!

DIARY 13696

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 6. Wake just before the alarm rings at 8:30, and get out (what a pain to have to LIFT the lid for paper adjusting, and then it's just not possible to leave the ball in the CENTER: turning the machine off and on AUTOMATICALLY CARRIAGE-returns it! Stored "the" note 9. That should automate the typing of the word "the" each time, and it DOES the trick, too, though I got a "9" there when I hit IT first, before the "the." And the instruction sheet below the typewriter looks VERY tatty already.) of bed to type pages 1-33 from 8:40-10:45, then stop to have spaghetti for breakfast, with a bagel, and then type pages 34-53 from 11:25-12:30, proofread from 12:30-1:30, and type up the bill and shower and get out about 1:50, get to ACC and find that I have to give the index to Alan Gold, and tell him that HE delayed getting his index. Leave and stop in a tourist office displaying a sign for Dominica, who turns into a grouch, and then get to the subway and get up to Richard's about five minutes early for my lesson, and he asks me in and we have just a SUPER session (see DIARY 13697) until 3:25, and then I get down to Barney Greengrass's for a hot pastrami and tongue (fabulous) and salami (mediocre) and Russian salad (horrible) sandwich with a dill pickle that I eat, and then walk up to the Rolfing Center about 4 to find it SO crowded that I just sit there and read Life Magazine and New Era and lots of other new-age things and wait for my body session with Dorothy at 6, which turns out to be just as great as it usually is (see DIARY 13698) (have to turn the platen cover when you want to see the other lines, and the error dial didn't work well on the "9" back there), and have some tea and Michael is pushing for us to get there soon, and it turns out be a FABULOUS session (see DIARY 13699). Out at 10:50 and subway home with talking to Tony and riding with Maureen and Margaret, and buy a bottle of Crème de Cacao and Dennis has made a luscious onion-tomato-chicken broth-honey-lemon soup with a great warm lemon-and-honey salad dressing with almonds and apples that's almost as good as dessert, and fresh bread that he made with beer for dessert. That takes until 1:30 and then we're both too tired to do much more than fall into bed and get to sleep without playing. I get up at 5:30 with a continuous stream of diarrhea, too, which isn't fun!

DIARY 13705

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 7. Wake at 7:10 with the alarm and cuddle with Dennis, but he doesn't seem interested in sex at all, so I fall into a doze again and he gets up and showers and gets me out of bed at 9 for a breakfast of shredded wheat and his toasted bread, which I finally confess to being on the tasteless side. Get upstairs about 9:30 and read yesterday's mail, and have the checks strewn all over, ready to mail the letter to Rita with her birthday check, when Bill Fuchs, CUTE, and Pepe someone come in and I have to phone Rolf to make sure he's coming quickly. He shows up at 11:05 and we look at the fun model 60, hear about the Memory 50 and 100 which we both decide we don't need, and at 12:05 decide to take their offer of a demonstration of the System 6 tomorrow. Then Rolf and I chat about the possibilities and then I show him the Surgery in the Gallbladder index, and he panics (see DIARY 13703) and leaves about 3 to see what he can do for the rest of the day. I walk him down and pick up TODAY'S mail, and look through that, and then decide to play with the typewriter, doing page 13701 toward the end, and phoning Amy to see if she wants to play with it, asking John if he wants to come to the demo tomorrow and he says I should ask about the radiation dangers from the cathode ray tube, since he's paranoid since he'd gotten blisters all over his feet and legs from the chemicals in the air at his compositing office, and then I phone Pope to come look at it at 4, and he comes over at 4:40, after I talk on the phone with some other people, and we talk until 6 (see DIARY 13704) and then he leaves and I put on the last of the ham and eat that for a skimpy dinner, with another bagel, and then continue with the typing, having sent out a few bills and called for the "How to get your book published" course from Westwinds, and then continued typing these pages until I took time out to wash my socks, wondering where all the time WENT, watching the "Pink Panther" between 8:30-9, and finishing 10 pages by 11 pm---NO INDEX! Read over more of the instruction book on the typewriter, fix things up to do some work tomorrow, and get into bed about 11:45, relatively early, hoping that I can catch up with the index-scheduling tomorrow, for sure!

DIARY 13706

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 8. Wake in the dark and shit once, then again at 6:45 and read a bit until 7:15, and then have to get up a THIRD time, ending at 8:15, and feeling weak from all the shitting, beginning to get specks of red on the toilet paper. The phone wakes me again at 9:15, and it's the IBM lovely Bill Fuchs asking about the demo, and I say that I've got a bug which is making me feel uncomfortable and Rolf is working on an index, and we tentatively agree on 11 am 12/21, which I now see I'd wanted to save for Donnell films, so maybe it'll be changed again. He says I can keep the typewriter for a few more days, and I get up to get to the bank, find four letters for JOYI which turn out to be two cancellations and two people expressing interest without $5 checks, pay $28 for the box for the next year, and pay $2.97, just OUTRAGEOUS, for the correction ribbon that makes DIARY 13705 so messy by its absence, and then buy about $15 worth of groceries. When I get back at 10:30 the mail's not here yet, so I put the groceries away and then decide to do a few things that I want to do before getting to the index, so I wash the dishes while listening to music, having Arnie phone for about a half-hour while the water gets cold, and he wants to come over about 4 pm to have me type his resume, and then I decide to do the last not-on-list-to-do task of vacuuming, so I continue listening to music and dust and spend LOTS of time scrubbing away at white paint in the entranceway and on various door baseboards, paring my nails down to nothing again (oh, forgot that I ate about 4 apples for breakfast, DETERMINED to get rid of the shits, and phoned Joan Ann to see how she liked HER model 60, she tells me to eat not REGULAR yogurt but ACIDOPHILUS yogurt pills, so I decide NOT to make YOGURT, and it turns out that she wants to SELL hers, so I ask her to fill me in on the details. Dennis says his folks are getting him one for Christmas, he thinks, so we'll wait to see, and Amy is delighted to be sloppy seconds on that, and I'd put up her curtain-slider and thank her for THAT, too). By the time I finish everything, Arnie's over at 4, bringing up LOTS of mail, talking, and I type his resume by 6:15, and he leaves, Dennis calls to say he'll be late, I phone Don at 7 and he says I can send HIM check for $116 for 4 cartons of Indexstrip, and he's going to FLORIDA for 12/17-1/2. I put the dishes away and put on the fried chicken at 7:15 (oh, had made chocolate chip cookies, too!), and he enters at 7:35 and wants me to hear three records he's bought, and we eat, finish bottles of wine, he gets into grass, and we're listening to his 3 and he's impressed with my Nina and Frederick record, and we get into INCREDIBLE sex at 11:30, coming with LOUD noises by 12:15, and he's fallen asleep on my side, so I sleep on his side. OK!

DIARY 13707

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 9. Wake in the dark twice to shit, and the third time find that it's a dark 6:55, very rainy, and he wakes about 9, playing with himself, so we have great shooting sex AGAIN, with poppers, and we're BOTH very hard and very full and juicy and comey, with is pleasant, and he's up at 10 and downstairs for coffee, I put things away from last night and put on hamburger at 10:30 for breakfast, delighting in reading MacPhee now, again while sitting and shitting, and have grape juice and lecithin and brewer's yeast, and then get to these 2 pages along with the Actualism page that I'd forgotten before, and Kathy Piepers calls for a session at 2, and Dennis has to call before he comes up to type, and Arnie calls to say that there's a mistake on his resume, so I say to come back Monday, and am amazed when it's 12:15, and I won't have TIME to put in needed indexing hours today! Type 198 cards from the first part of "Surgery of the Infant Eye" from 1:15-12:55, and then Rolf calls to ask some questions and when I tell him I still have the IBM typewriter he asks if he can borrow my OTHER one to take to his place, so he comes right over and I ransack the front closet to find a box it'll fit into, Kathy comes in at 2 before he's gone, he finally leaves about 2:15 and then Dennis is up with some questions and gets in to typing as I talk with Kathy longer, and we cover so much (see DIARY 13708) that Dennis says he'll be LEAVING about 4:30, so why don't we wait for that time, so we do, and then she gets on the table for a good session, and she leaves about 5:45, leaving me with no time to do anything before watching the first part of "Journey Back to Oz" with the voices of Liza Minelli, Paul Lynde, Paul Ford, Mickey Rooney, Margaret Hamilton as Aunty Em, Ethel Merman as the evil witch, and it turns into a lot of clichés that's easy for me to leave at 7:10 to meet Arnie at 7:15 since Stephen Pearlberg had a cold and was willing to give up his ticket to the International African-American Ballet at Brooklyn College which Arnie tempted me with and I succumbed, and it was pretty GOOD (see DIARY 13709), return to buy the Times, eat a sugar roll from the bakery, down to Dennis's while he cooks soup and almost chars bread, and we read Times and I mark TV and clip out some things and we eat about 12 and we get into his bed about 1 am, cold and tired, and cuddle just a bit before falling to a sexless sleep.

DIARY 13710

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 10. I wake at 8 and try to do lightwork, but don't succeed, and then Dennis is up at 9 and hornily playing with himself, and he comes rather quickly and demandingly and then lies there feeding me the popper while I jerk myself off and shoot quite a bit, and then he gets up quickly so that I have to dry myself off, and he says he's going to work here (downstairs) on his editing, so I mark pages 135-245 (110 pages in 85 minutes GOOD!) from 9:35-11, not wanting to type so early on Sunday, then watch Gyorgy Ligeti's "Nouvelles Aventures" for 15 minutes, dying to have Dennis see it, then the conductor announces he's going to REPEAT it, so I phone Dennis to come up and ask John if he wants to see it ("No, but thank you"), and Dennis finds it only vaguely interesting, and then I mark 20 pages from 11:35-11:50, and I phone him for the TV schedule that I left downstairs and he tells me about 12 and 7 and 8, so then I watch Cousteau's "The Blind Prophets of Easter Island" and didn't know they'd had such an OVERPOPULATION problem that lead to CANNIBALISM before they killed each other off after totally depleting the land, and then return to type 222 cards from 1-1:30, mark 265-295 from 1:30-2, type 156 cards, too POOR, from 2-2:30, mark more fully pages 297-399 from 2:30-3:50, but still type only 187 cards from 3:50-4:30, so REALLY mark pages 401-512 from 4:30-6:40, going MUCH more slowly, but it was worth it for 270 cards later! Then had put on the Cornish hen with honey and sherry and orange juice at 6:45 for dinner at 8, watch "Loose Ends" of "The Long Search," which wasn't very hot, since he really didn't SAY anything, then put dinner on the cocktail table and phone Dennis at 8:05 when "Many Faces of Love" with Hume Cronin and Jessica Tandy had started, and he's up to guzzle everything down, and it's sort of eclectically interesting, but they're VERY mannered indeed. I look through some of his cards and he complains, then I type 270 cards from 9:25-10:15, and he's typing cards and the TYPEWRITER ribbon runs out, so he phones Rolf at 11:30 and goes over to 1:30, while I edit everything from 10:15-1:25, 350 cards/hour, fast, and figure hours from 1:25-1:40, and Dennis is depressed and goes downstairs to sleep, to make himself lunch at breakfast to take to work, and I crawl into bed pleased that I have ANOTHER index finished on time.

DIARY 13711

MONDAY, DECEMBER 11. Set the alarm for 8:30 and shut if off just before, making hamburger for breakfast and showering and finished just before 10, when Susan shows up for her session, and she's suffering from something and the session is a good one (see DIARY 13712) and she jabbers and leaves around 12:15, when I sit right down (she'd played with the typewriter, too, like almost everyone did)---OH, I had to go out BEFORE she got here and got some groceries and picked up 2 more JOYI things and gladly paid the FARTHER stationery shop $2.25 for what Fuchs says is NON-IBM correction tape, $2.50 for a Remington ribbon which I keep to give to Joan Ann, and $1.49 for my FIRST purchase of Correctype since my cleaning out of ACC's old offices on Park, for a total with tax of $6.74---and type 45 pages from 12:15-3:15, for a NOT good average on a BETTER typewriter with CORRECTABLE ribbon of 15 pages/hour! Proofread from 3:15-4, phone Audre and have the relief of hearing she doesn't demand the books back today, but I promise her HER index by Wednesday, my NEXT hurdle, and then take off to find Alan Gold not in his office at 4:50, but Margaret Willard says I can have another index on Cardiovascular Prostheses and that there's someone named Richardson out on Long Island who has a stable of indexers ALSO. I notice that my ingestion of apples has cured my diarrhea but left me with something resembling constipation! I get back and finish the two Sunday puzzles in celebration of finishing another index, and Dennis is up about 8:30 for me to look at his cards, and they're just NOT very good, and I get annoyed with him and he gets angry with me, and he brings up the last of his soup and I put on top chuck steaks for frying and we have muffins and he edits the last pieces of his deck and then says he's going downstairs since he doesn't want to watch TV, and I put on "Mourning Becomes Electra" for the doleful first section from 11:30-12:30, and it seems so DREARY and VENGEFUL and the people ALL seem so unsympathetic: mother screaming after sex, daughter screaming after father, lover screaming after vengeance on his mulatto mother, and then I manage to do about 40 minutes of a lightwork session that's about the only one I do this week, also, and get rather logily into bed, rather glad that Dennis is leaving soon to give us some time APART.

DIARY 13713

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 12. Wake at 6:15 with an EXTRAORDINARY dream, and at 6:30 jot down 8 cards of notes (see DIARY 13714-13717) until 7:15, then sleep until about 8:30, getting up to do about 30 minutes of Actualism, shower, get things together for this afternoon's outing, phone Amy I'll be late, and get over at 10:15 for a body session there (see DIARY 13718), after which I SAW MY FIRST ACTUALISM ENERGY: THE SPRING-GREEN OF REGENERATION about Amy's arms and fingers. Stunned by that, not knowing what to think, and she phoned Rolf to type over there this afternoon, and I left at 12:10 after having had some mint tea, and got to Actualism at 12:55 and Alice and Lea smiled and dismissed from conversation my having seen an energy, and I sign up for my next surgery with Alice and for a Clearing in Consciousness with Lea next week, and I'm getting all booked up already! Have a VERY talky session on the Lymph nodes with Alice from 1-2:30 (see DIARY 13719), and then up to Tinker's to eat a leisurely tasty onion soup and quiche for $4, including tip, and watching the tight-crotched cruisers strolling past up and down Columbus, then at 3:40 get out to library for marking pages 1-170 in Electromagnetics from 3:45-5:45, when it's closing, and walk up to the Olympia very quickly (maybe then getting the soreness at the front of my right foot that stayed around 3-4 days) to pay $1.50 for "Dona Flor and Her Two Husbands," in which the Vahdino was too potty and self-centered to be much fun, though he seemed devoted enough to her at the end, and it's true, they DIDN'T use Bahia as well as they could have, and "Outrageous" started slowly enough until Craig Russell did Mae West and Peggy Lee and Barbra Streisand and Bette Midler and Bette Davis and Tallulah (who?) and Carol and Ethel and Judy SO well that you HAD to admit his skills. That's 6:15-9:50, finish marking pages 171-197 on the subway from 9:55-10:15, home to find that Dennis hadn't even GOTTEN to my note by 10:20 (that I'd taken so long to leave by 10:20 THIS MORNING), and he'd decided to take it HOME with him to finish the pages, and I stupidly agreed without CHECKING with Raven, so we found Henry's End closed on Tuesday, Old Hungary closed, Armando's closed, Sally's (or whatever, on Joralemon and River) closed, so we ended up at Promenade for tacky pasticcio for him and VERY spinachy Florentine omelet for me until 1, and we're both tired so we're to bed in our own places.

DIARY 13720

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 13. Wake about 9 and sit for a bodywork session about 20 minutes, then type 510 cards from 9:25-11:30, taking off 15 minutes to talk to Art about the auction which was too expensive for him last night, and why Dennis didn't call him to get his friend's name in La Jolla, and then I edit the cards down to 480 from 11:35-1:15, and from 1:15-2:50 type 22.5 pages, which is LESS than 15/hour, so the typewriter's no bargain, and then proofread from 2:50-3:15, at which time I jump into the shower and wash my hair and dry it with the drier and put on hamburger and eat it, all by 3:45, which is where I do the final figuring, getting checks ready for tonight, and Dorothy calls at 3 to say she'll be waiting for me at 6, and I phone Richard at 11:30 to switch my appointment to tomorrow at 3:30, and I leave at 4:10 to get to the closed door at 4:55, having fussed in getting it copied for $1.50 at the stationer's, with a cover page that I'd missed for the book, and leave it all next door for her the next morning, just adding in $7 for expenses making a bill of $205, and then I walk back down to 42nd Street to find that "The Wiz" is no longer at Loew's Astor Plaza but at the dowdy Forum, then subway up to Dorothy's about 5:45 and she takes me for another pleasant session (see DIARY 13721), and we're finished early enough to walk down, being a little late again, fantasizing about "cutting class" and we are the last ones in. Class, thanks to the body session, is quite clear (see DIARY 13722), and Barbara Lea comes up to me to say that SHE wants to learn how to do indexing too. Out about 10:30 and buy a cold bottle of Great Western champagne, which Dennis likes the touch of, and I'd bought some nut dessert from Éclair, but he wants to finish up his shredded-wheat dessert, so I don't get it out. He's made a tasty spaghetti sauce and serves it with lots of spaghetti, and we have dessert, and drink the champagne, and get to bed about 1, having quick sex, but I'm still glad at the thought that he's leaving for the next few weeks, since it'll give me the time to do all the things I want to with indexes with Rolf and Amy, with my own stuff, and even catching up on restaurants from the list we haven't gone to.

DIARY 13723

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 14. Wake about 8 and try to do lightwork, but it doesn't work, and then Dennis is up about 9, saying he has work to do, and I get upstairs to finish the re-alphabetization of the math index and phone Audre, who's found most of them to start with, and she says it's fine nevertheless, and is happy I'll be coming to the Christmas party there next week. Look in the refrigerator for hamburger for breakfast and it turns out that Dennis TOOK it for his spaghetti last night! Phone him but he's out, and he calls at 12 and I ask him about lunch and he brings up the shredded-wheat dessert and the rest of the spaghetti sauce and I make spaghetti and we eat and I have wine and he has grape juice until about 2, and then we kiss goodbye and he leaves me the mailbox key and he leaves, I put more things away and leave at 2:45 for Richard's having ANOTHER great session even though I haven't done anything of practice (see DIARY 13724), and I'm out at 3:25 and walk across the park in the very cold windy weather and get to the Loew's Orpheum which is pretty shoddy, with torn seats, for "The Wiz," without much of an audience, half of it stoned and rhetorical, and the movie has too much CHARACTER and not enough LIGHT on the dance numbers, which seem choreographically VERY undistinguished, merely agitated means of walking, and we CAN see the designer costumes, but they're all appearing to be SILVER and merely lit with different COLORS, or else DUPLICATES of the same costume, so maybe each designer made ONE design. Disappointing, but I stay to hear Lena Horne belt out her "Believe in Yourself," not as gripping the second time, and leave at 7:15 to get home at 7:45 and watch Doug Henning in a silly show-biz performance with an endearing Brooke Shields (or whoever "Pretty Baby" was), but it's disappointing, from 8-9. Then decide to watch porno and get out films and come nicely after playing for a long time, but get slight headaches when I take the poppers. May read a bit, AND start writing CHRISTMAS cards! But since this was now 10 days ago, the worst in a long time, I can't remember what happened because I didn't take note of it, but may have talked on the phone with someone or even consulted on some indexing, but it's now completely lost.

DIARY 13725

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 15. Wake fairly early, maybe at 8, feeling good not to have anything bearing down on me, and start looking at the restaurant list and seeing which I really want to go to, later in the day phoning Andre, who's sick from yesterday, Arnie, who's busy and feeling not so great; Art, who wants to do something next week; and Avi, who's busy but would like to think about it and call me back when he's out of school on vacation, but he's been helping Robin with a project and spending the rest of the time in bed with him. Exercise because it occurs to me to do it, and I finish writing out ALL the 43 Christmas cards that I had to do, keeping up to date with those I've gotten, and feel GOOD as I get out about 2 pm to mail them in their proper baskets, grabbed away by over-solicitous clerks, and get a block toward the haircut before I return to pick up 3 JOYI letters, with more checks for the group, and then read Post until my haircut from 2:30-3, first one since September 6, only three months, but it's SHORT, and buy some groceries and meat, though I want to defrost the refrigerator, and get back at 3:30 relieved that Pat isn't here, and am reading the mail when she buzzes at 3:40 and comes up still seeming a bit distant and she gives me a session until 5 (see DIARY 13726) which is pretty good, and then no one has said they want a restaurant tonight, and I'm debating going with Rolf to Club Baths for buddy night, but call Art to find he's busy tonight for any restaurant and phone Pope and he's delighted to play Scrabble, and I say I'll be there at 8:15 but Amy calls and I'm latish so I get there at 8:45 after having called him, and he has the Scrabble board ready and the ice cream ready to serve with the sugar cookies, and it's a LOVELY evening, though I bat him about the head for not getting more COMMERCIAL with his astrology (see DIARY 13727), then leave at 11:45 after Amy doesn't want to come to Pope's, but she gets to my place at 12 and WE have a talk about her and Adam, and I give her some great suggestions about her life (see DIARY 13728) and say she SHOULD get together with Pope to chat, and in showing her my souvenirs I'm waving my arms and spill a little glassful of red grape juice onto the carpet which doesn't seem to wipe up, and she leaves at 1:35 and I go to bed dizzy with ideas and hoping to get to the diary soon so that I can WRITE THINGS OUT!

DIARY 13729

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 16. Wake at 8, dreams fresh in my brain (see DIARY 13730-13731), and get to thinking such convoluted thoughts that I just have to make notes on them (see DIARY 13732-13734) when I get out of bed about 9:15. Type those 5 pages, feeling good to get SOMETHING done, and then continue typing more pages, probably stopping to have hamburger, though I think I only finish up something that I had in the fridge from before, the leftover spaghetti and spaghetti sauce, so that it's not much in quantity, but I know there's loads of food waiting at La Verandah this evening, so I get back to typing and typing, taking time off to turn on Superskates from 4-5, and then when they go to other events I shower, washing my hair, and I note that I'm missing the Royal Ballet's "Sleeping Beauty" tonight, just as I had to miss something one-shot LAST year for the party, but I'm determined that THIS year it's not going to be such a trauma: since I know more people I'm DETERMINED to have more fun. Finish watching some beautifully butch new British skater, Carmen Cameron, or something, who should win out in beauty over the charisma-less Cristinski, or whoever has the title now, and I think of how people MAY ACTUALLY BE CREATING PEOPLE THEY LIKE TO LOOK AT (see DIARY 13735), which is a BEAUTIFUL idea. Then leave at 6 and get to Broadway in my brilliant coat and cashmere overcoat that's not really needed since it's not really that cold out, a switch from the last two Actualism parties, and check in with Valda at the door and there's the incredibly bright-eyed Ken Miller talking about his trip to Dakar, saying that I should come over to look at his slides, but talking about his girlfriend, and he's just as bright-eyed with the dull-witted Tom Lea, or whoever, from Philadelphia. The party IS better, once I get away from the group-table with Margaret and Michael and Roshanna and Tony and join Amy and Michael Molthen and Mara Alper and Hugh and others, and the party turns out NICE (see DIARY 13736), and we leave about 11:30, rain making me give my ride to Pat, who says she loves me, with Amy and Susan, and I walk to station and buy Times and walk home and read ALL the Times and do the single puzzle by 3 am, feeling fairly eye-weary, and not having time to JO this evening.

DIARY 13738

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 17. Wake about 10, feeling pretty good from 7 hours sleep, and probably jerk off nicely before getting up to watch "Glorious" by the rather stodgy Marty Anthony Dance Theater, with Al Carmines-type hummable melodies for religion written by a rabbi, and then Margaret Croydon puts her ugly face next to Andrei Serban's bland blond one and he blathers on about how he can't get ideas in his head, only by doing them, and then out of lethargy I just continue reading the indexing book, though MUCH of the day is easy: offing the blackened roof of the broiler and putting multiple Glamorene coats on the wine-stain and another set of spots. Leave ONE set of glop on OVERNIGHT, too. I take notes down, and watch Part II of "Mourning Becomes Electra" with the sturm and drang of the mother poisoning the father and then fainting, allowing the daughter to find the fatal white coffer of poison, but it's made up for by an explicit scene in bed between a couple of people, and it's a LOUSY production of a striking play. That's from 3-4, then watch "Elizabeth Swados: the Girl with the Incredible Feeling" and she's just continuing as the posturing spoiled brat the home movies captured so well when she was a prancing, singing, mugging kid of 6. "Organism:" that film about the tail lights on the streets of New York acting as erythrocytes in blood vessels, is just ending at 4:55 when Arnie comes in to get his resume typed over, and I'm sorry that I didn't redo the WORD when I had the IBM, because I have to start over TWICE when the easerase paper smudges when I go back to type his name for emphasis when the new typewriter ribbon didn't start out very dark. He leaves about 6:30 and I might have something to eat before (or while) watching "Who Are the Debolts and Where Did They Get 19 Kids" and one of the Vietnamese boys is a weightlifter to counteract his withered legs, and that's about the only good thing to look at. It's been cut from 90 to 50 minutes for TV, so maybe I should be happy when Bruce enters at 7:25 to stop me watching it (though it stops me watching "Simple Gifts" too), and we chat for a long time and I do a session on him (see DIARY 13739) and he leaves about 11. Maybe I don't JO this morning, since I'm pretty sure I JO this evening, and then still don't feel sleepy so I start reading "Low-Flying Aircraft" until I'm tired and probably fall asleep about 2 am, no lightwork or singing practice as usual, though I'm feeling guiltier and guiltier about them both.

DIARY 13740

MONDAY, DECEMBER 18. Wake at 9:30, rather with a jolt because something makes me check the calendar and Susan's due over at 10, so I shower and she comes in about 10:15, giving me time to vacuum the last of the stain off the rug, after I've gotten the place fixed around, with loads of fruit, and we sit around eating pears and oranges and apples, and the buzzer goes, surprising her, and it's the walnut-cheddar ball from Cheeselovers, so I have some of that (this is after the session), and she talks about how Bill might be changing his mind about moving to California, and she's activated so SHE gets on the table about 11:30 and I do her (see DIARY 13741) until 12:30, not much heat in the place, and Dorothy Kent calls to say SHE wants to come over, and there's just no TIME, but I stupidly say yes. Susan stays till 3, and I have to push her out when she wants to go out for a sandwich and continue the conversation, and I immediately put on hamburger and read the mail and more of the indexing book, and Dorothy arrives at 5:40 and SHE talks for a long time, and she gets onto the table at 7:45 when I remember I have to call the Science Fiction shop to have them hold "Joyous Invasions," and then I do a session on her, too (see DIARY 13742), and I'm glad they really don't TIRE me. She leaves about 8:45 and I'd called Rolf about his progress and he comes over at 9 and we sit in the living room and talk about his density of indexing and the formats of his cards and how many should be sees and see alsos, and he keeps on talking about things in such a GENERAL manner, looking at all sides of the question, that it's hard for him to make actual PROGRESS. This time the MARKING of the book is easier, and Bruce calls me at 10, which I'd forgotten, since he left a message with me while I was doing one of them, to tell me not to tell anyone about what HE tells me. I'd called Art this evening and got no answer at 8:20, so I don't know about us and La Fronde. I try to show him how to edit fast, but he keeps thinking of all the other possible cards and just STARES at cards in a way that makes me want to tear my hair. He talks about his problems writing papers in college, Pope says he's getting more money, we chat about other things (see DIARY 13743) and he finally leaves at 3 am, and I fall into bed, too exhausted to even feel guilty about no lightwork.

DIARY 13744

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 19. Art wakes me about 9:30, saying we'll meet at his place before 8, so I can pick up my science-fiction book, and I get up and actually do a lightwork session for about half an hour and do a BIT of vocalizing just before noon, waiting for the hamburger to cook. I finished reading the first indexing book, disgusted at how BAD it was (the Collison one), and then get the mail to find who I have to send more cards to, find a few more to do so for, including Lois Cohen, but not Michael Sullivan or Jack Seelye, and New York Magazine has another large puzzle which I just sit down and do, and though I'm supposed to have Dennis's index typed some time this week, I recall Laura saying it could be later in the week, so I seem to be leaving it for then, enjoying my free time. Talk on the phone with Rolf, who's barely started working by 2 pm, running late on the schedule, and get out feeling so BAD that I debate NOT teaching indexing (see DIARY 13745) as I walk over to Amy's to check her index cards from 3:50-5:45, and then read over her glossary and make not a few suggestions from 5:45-6:45, charging her $30 for 1.5 hours on it in all at $20/hour, and when she figures she'll be charging them about $200, it STILL comes out to 15%! But she's doing well with the indexing, and I tell her she's about the best to come along so far, and she loves it, praising my patience and skills and willingness to teach. Back home and change clothes and I guess shower, too, and get out at 7:15 to get to the bookshop and buy 5 books (2 Sheckley, 2 Sturgeon---"Joyous Invasions" is a reissue of short stories all of which I've READ---and a Lem) and carry them to Art's at 7:55 and have wine and talk to 9 about his furniture moving and jobs and my indexing, and then to La Fronde around the corner from 9-11, sorry to be missing "Tosca" live from the Met, my chicken ala Fronde not bad, his chicken and veal in mushrooms just great, and they take the coupon and I end up telling him all about my trips to Nepal and Sri Lanka and India, just talking up a storm, but he seems to love it. Get to Rolf's at 11:30 to look through his cards in part from 11:30-2, not wanting to eat ANYTHING because I'm full from the meal I just had, then walk home dizzy from the wine and again fall into bed exhausted, wondering when I was going to CATCH UP, and realizing that the diary pages are getting pretty far behind.

DIARY 13747

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 20. Still luxuriating with the thought that I don't HAVE to do anything, I probably wake about 9 and finger my hard-on and with malice aforethought get the llama cover and rub it all over and jerk off with a cylinder of it, leaving my cock vaguely irritated through the day in a catnip-priapic way which might be addictive. May do a half-hour's lightwork session, but I keep thinking of the books I got and the stories in them, so I get out the Sturgeon story list and check that I have all of "Joyous Invasions" stories but few of his NEW book, and find to my chagrin that I don't HAVE a list of Sheckley stories. Tell myself that I have to get to work, but it doesn't work, and I spend a couple hours making up a list of Sheckley stories that shows that I found a new collection in "The Robot who Looked Like Me." (But I can't remember many of the stories at all---see DIARY 13746). That takes me nonproductively to the time that I have to shower and eat breakfast and get to Actualism at 1 for my Clearing in Consciousness (see DIARY 13748), quite a session, though not NEARLY so energetic as Bruce implied, and chat with her until 2:35 and stroll up Columbus to browse in a paperback shop until she sends me out, since she's going to lunch, and who should pass JUST then on the street by John Cernusca, who chats and says he's now a freelance production consultant, and he'll keep me in mind if he needs indexing, and I buy two brownies from Miss Grimble's, then get back to 150 W. 80th for 5th class from Richard (see DIARY 13749), better than ever, and subway home to get out at Borough Hall and pick up 3 JOYI letters and buy stuff for chili for the party tonight, Rolf comes over to have me check his cards from 5-6:50 as I make chili and put it into a container for the party, then over to Arnie's at 7 for Norma's surprise entrance at 7:30, and it's interesting enough missing "Ishi, the Last of his Tribe" on TV (see DIARY 13750), and then phone Rolf and he's ready for me, so go over at 11:05 and he serves tea and milk, and fruitcake, and we talk and I check some things and then stagger home in the rain at 3, AGAIN wondering where these days are GOING and when I'll EVER catch up on diary and move books and file diary pages.

DIARY 13751

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21. Wake and may try lightwork, and Arnie calls and comes over from 10-11:15 so that I can type his resume over, and then I have to get out to see the Donnell films from 12-2, with a black-humor "The Family that Dwelt Apart" written in New Yorker in 1932 and narrated by E.B. White, where EVERYBODY dies; "The Fatal Glass of Beer" with "Fit night out" sequences, "The Christmas Tree" with human faces reacting understatedly to their adventures, thankfully not being burned at the end, merely closing their eyes and expanding into silver-soul trees; "Ritz Newsiola" spoof of newsreels that went a bit long and was VERY amateurish; Laurel and Hardy "Leave 'Em Laughing" with toothache, dentist, laughing gas, policeman contretemps, ending with car in ditch; "On the Twelfth Day" with FABULOUS crowds of pigeons, partridges, choir boys, lords, ladies, drummers, and cows; and "One-Eyed Men Are Kings" about a "blind person" leading his dog to get friends. Then over to the McGraw-Hill party, for a couple interesting people (see DIARY 13752) from 2:05-4, and then to kill time walk down 5th to Dalton's, finding that Dahl has LOTS of paperbacks out, but don't buy any at full price, and stay until 4:45 then walk down through the crowds on Lexington (seeing the Marriott House for the first time, Howard Johnson's and EMPTY) and 3rd to Blue Hawaii, where we have mediocre lemon sole and TASTY wine and mediocre onion soup and awful salad for a $4.95 menu-price and $3.95 bill price and $7 tip after he ADDED the soup, and Amy wants to stop into the Warlock Shop, but then she's out when she doesn't care for the crowd, and one of the salesladies was VERY snippy, and then to the Balinese Dance Theater at ATL from 8-10:15 (see DIARY 13753), walk down to 14th, Amy wants to come HERE to get her stuff for editing, when I'd intended to go right to Rolf's, and Rolf calls ME and says he'll come HERE, so I say FINE and he comes over at 11, I check a bit and type DENNIS'S index from 11:25-1:50, then I check his lines and alphabetization until 4, get to sleep at 4:20, and again feel that I don't have time to do ANYTHING that I wanted, even though MOST of the day WAS dong EXACTLY what I wanted, so something's WRONG with my appreciation of the freedom I have---I ALWAYS desire the freedom I DON'T YET HAVE, which makes the freedom I DO have get lost in the shuffle of increasing desires.

DIARY 13754

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22. Rolf phones at 8:30 to say he's finished, not having gotten to bed, so I'm up at 8:50-8:55 when Rolf comes over to give me the last of it and then goes to bed for a day or so, and then I finish proofreading Dennis's stuff from 9:50-11:30, when Susan enters, just after I'd called her to say if she was much later she might as well not show up. I push her into the session on me (see DIARY 13755), noteworthy mainly for her sounds, and it's the fastest by a long shot: 11:35-12:45, and I phone Andre to say I'll be later than 1:30 at La Provencal and he insists I stop at his place and pick him up. So I do that, arriving at 1:50, and he shows me Dali lithographs he's selling for $125 or $150, and we walk to La Provencal, where I tell him ALL about Actualism, we decide to take another Caribbean trip in February, and then they say they've changed management and won't honor the coupon, so we pay $40 for the lunch of my GOOD veal and his lamb chops and mussels (which I had none of) and reasonable mushroom soup, and he hated his mousse for dessert (but finished it) and my raspberry sherbet was too sweet and the Sancerre didn't taste good at ALL for $8. Leave about 3:15, coat-check girl gone, so I pick up my index and walk him down to the Museum of Modern Art and I get to Raven to deliver index to Laura, who says the bill seems to be fine, and Berta says Stimmel added some lines to the index, so I xerox 15 pages for Rolf and about 300 for me, until 5:10 when everyone's leaving and wishing Merry Christmas, and Terry's leaving January 15, and I get home about 5:45 and look at the mail and page through Omni, then about 7 I'm pretty horny, so pull down the shades and put up the projector and come FABULOUSLY with porno from 7:15-8, using popper and llama and super-8 films. Then warm the chili and wash dishes and do lightwork from 9-9:50, then, though I'm tired, decide to finish reading the second indexing book from 10-12, almost nodding as I go through the last pages, and get into bed at 12:10, wondering when I'll be caught up enough (as I was just before the apartment was painted) to feel that I can KEEP up with things rather than CATCHING up with things.

DIARY 13756

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 23. Wake at 8, then 9, then 10:10, giving myself a REAL treat in bed, and in the last snooze have another dream fragment that leads me to take notes on the fragments through the week (see DIARY 13757) at 10:20, then up to have breakfast and clear up the apartment and probably wash dishes, and then decide that I'm so far behind on the diary that I have to make notes on what I did, gleaning times and dates from bankbooks, exercise, list, datebook, memory, going back to Wednesday the 13th and taking three days to fill index cards: Wed-Thu-Fri of last week, Sat-Sun-Mon of start of this week, Tue-Wed-Thu for middle, and this comes on Fri-Sat-Sun, and it comes in VERY handy, since I'm still making cards out when I type THIS pages the FOLLOWING Friday. Then down for the mail and start throwing away Christmas-card envelopes and counting how many I have (32 back already from 43 sent; and that's increased to 38 by Friday, so 6 MORE in the remaining week will put me OVER what I sent), and turn on "5,000 Fingers of Dr. T." at 1:30 and just WATCH it because it's GOOD, the musician-ballet sexier than I remember, the sets still marvelous. That's over at 3, I continue with little things of mailing and bills, then start typing at 4:15 when I have my desk organized, and just get to type 3 pages when Rolf calls at 5:15 and talks to 6:45 about the finances of the computer application of indexing (see DIARY 13758), and I end irritated with him and snippy, then dash into the shower and dress in a red pullover and black pants for Amy's party, taking little money and remembering on the way over at 7:25 that I should really take some Christmas booze, but I don't bother. Get there early, among the first, then there's the self-conscious gathering, and the party ends up mostly merry (see DIARY 13759), though mainly from the information gathered about Actualism (see DIARY 13760) from Michael Molthen. It starts breaking up about 12, and I leave at 12:30 leaving who I think to be a couple to talk with them in front of the fire, then go buy the Times and blink almost to sleep before being able to finish the puzzle, but the paper's small because of Christmas and I get to bed at 3, hoping to catch up on diary tomorrow.

DIARY 13761

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 24. Wake at 10, j/o with llama to 10:30, feeling GREAT and hard doing it, then finish the Times Magazine puzzle until 11:30, water the plants to 11:45, type 6 pages which dents the amount to catch up with somewhat and have lunch, then Arnie calls from 1:30-1:55 and at 2:15 I think it's Amy and get two PR women in the hall: Sorry to disturb you," "But you HAVE disturbed me!" "Well, I'm sorry," "But it's too LATE!" and they apologize again and leave, the daughter softly saying "Have a merry Christmas," and I'm sure they think I'm an ogre, but I don't have to listen to them, Amy comes in at 2:40 and I'm activated because I hadn't made clear that I wanted to CHECK her cards and START her off before the TV program, and then watch "the children" kill Adam Brant on "Mourning Becomes Electra" from 3-4, and then because Amy's typing I start piling up ALL the oversize books into stacks of art / dance / nature / programs / travel / architecture / humor / personal / guidebooks / exhibitions / male body / miscellany / notebooks, but it doesn't seem to FIT without having SIZE as a major factor. Check more of her cards, typing going OK, MOM calls at 6 and we have a pleasant chat, she wants to go to Greece for $1096 and wants to see plays when she comes here in the spring, and then I'm getting hungry and suggest to her that we eat, and she and I love the idea of tuna casserole until I find I have no cream of mushroom soup, so have to decide on egg foo yung, and we eat from 7:15-8, and it's not bad at all, and we chat, and Amy continues to type and I continue to sort books, playing Messiah and other trumpet music, until 10:30 when Arnie calls and says Parris Mitchell is driving us to the Ruins at 11:30, and I tell Amy and she decides to go to church with Adam, who's called 2-3 times, and I shower and do lightwork from 11-11:40, they phone at 11:45 and we're out in windy, rainy night to car to drive around corner at 12:02 Christmas eve, and to the rambling and rather intriguing Ruins to 3:30 (see DIARY 13762), including snacks, movies, shows, and few people, and get home at 3:50 and catch up with the card for the day and get to bed at 4:10, pleased that I effortlessly saw this new orgy-place I'd wanted to get to! Don't turn on "Tosca" from Met 2-5 am rebroadcast!

DIARY 13763

MONDAY, DECEMBER 25. Amy said to phone anytime after 10, so I set my mental alarm for 10 and got up then, not feeling TOO bad from 6 hours sleep, and phoned her at 10:15 and she's drying her hair, so I do lightwork from 10:25-11:25, feeling good about that, and she comes over from 11:25-1:50 to finish typing the pages and start on proofreading, and then she has to leave because her parents are coming over at 2. I continue trying to put the books away, though it's going very slowly, and make delicious club steaks for watching "The Sleeping Beauty" from 3-6 (see DIARY 13764) from Covent Garden, not so good except for a fabulous Merle Park, and then type 14 pages from 6:05-9:25, just over 4 pages/hour, but only manage to get through Saturday through Wednesday of last week, and then I have hamburger until 9:40 and get over to Amy's to finish proofreading from 9:50-1, ending with a nice Genoa salami sandwich that Adam makes for me with pumpernickel bread and lots of mustard while Amy has tea. Their relationship seems easier: they crab at each other, joke a lot, and kiss a lot, and Adam and I more often than not gang up against her with our precision and anality while she wants to be more free-flowing. She's 29 and he's 31, seems to come out somewhere here. He asks questions that are more often good than not, and proofreads very quickly, and I know not how accurately since she hasn't made ANY alphabetization errors, though about 30 editing errors, which she's VERY disappointed to find puts her right in the average for the first index, but I have to repeat and repeat that she caught on to the OTHER stuff very fast and intelligently, and she's by far the best indexer that I've found so far, and she's pleased with that. Can't quite manage to keep ahead of BOTH of them proofreading, but it finishes with all feeling rather good. Their apartment, so lovely, is really CHILLY with cold winds from the harbor blowing in through chinks in the front windows, making the living room drafty even though the radiators are on full tilt and it's quite dry inside. Get to bed at 1:30 to make up for the lack of sleep last night, though I'm glad I have enough to DO that I'm not getting SICK this Christmas. Finally put up the WREATH on Friday, much too late, and had the excuse of Amy's typing here Christmas Eve for not going to Hubert's and hear John's readings.

DIARY 13765

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 26. Wake at 8:30 with a memory of a dream that I jot down (see DIARY 13766), and then shower, and she calls at 9:10 (after supposing that we'd meet at the subway at 9:15) to say we have a ride in in her Adam's boss's car, and I get out to find her and Adam coming toward me, and he's taking in his vacationing boss's car from the garage on Court Street. Luxury! He drives up to Madison and 23rd and we get to Jenet's office and I leave Dennis's index and we go downstairs to meet Ute Bujard, whom we both like, and Amy's already xeroxed her copy of her index, and then I go back upstairs and copy Arnie's index (or Amy helped me do it, rather), and then I go back outside and xerox the rest of the JOYI stuff, feeling great about it, then walk down to Barnes and Noble and pick up 3 volumes of the 1978 (through June 1977) Scott's catalog for $2.95 each, hoping to get Volume 4 at A&S sometime for about $4, and then phone Arnie and he says we'll meet at 55th and 5th at 1 pm, so I shop and buy two bags of books and then walk uptown in CROWDED streets, walking IN the street much of the time, and stand looking at pleasant crotches until he arrives at 1:10, and we're down to Tavoos, eating a great meal for an $8.75 saving until 3, good chicken with pomegranate and walnut flavors, and then I'm home to type from 3:45, taking time off to phone Michael at 5 to tell him to start working on our itinerary to the Caribbean again starting February 1, and calling Andre to ask him if he wants the Pain index, since Amy doesn't want it, having looked at it on Monday. Then, having typed 8 pages, only through last Thursday, at 5:30 Rolf calls and talks (see DIARY 13767) until 7:50, entirely too long, and then I'm off typing, so I JO from 8-8:45 with movies, and then prepare steak for TV watching: "Bernstein at 60---An Appreciation" (see DIARY 13768) from 9-11:30, thinking to watch part of it but sticking with it, then a boring Freddie Laker on Dick Cavett from 11:30-12, then "I Know Where I'm Going" with Petula Clark as 12-year-old Cherril in the 1947 movie, with Roger Livesey being the Laird of Loriland (or whatever) and Wendy Hiller falling in love with him in a charming movie that goes from 12-1:30, and then to bed without THINKING of doing much lightwork, though I may have formed hierarchy this morning.

DIARY 13769

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 27. I wake at 8, doze, dream (see DIARY 13770), take notes on it, then get up at 9:45, feeling luxurious to stretch bedtime into 8 hours, and Lauren calls while I'm jerking off so I put phone machine on and she says she's canceling because she has a cold, so I phone her back later to find she's moved, and phone Avi, Andre, Dorothy, Theo, and finally Ernie, who called last night and had to be pushed off the phone, to join me for lunch instead of Lauren, and the restaurant tickets have become an OBSESSION by this point, and then I shower to 11:30, then do the dishes, still listening to the "Messiah," which IS nice each Christmas, and water the now-drooping plants to 12:40, then subway north to Hunan Royal with Ernie (who tells me not to miss the "Treasures of Dresden," wears too much perfume, shows off his Nefertiti medal-gift from Don, who did decide to continue with his trip to Atlanta, but got no information from gay services in Miami and probably didn't contact Bob and Joe in the Keys), and I tell him all about the Ruins, and we get lots off for the meal, which isn't too great, and leave at 2:40 and walk quickly down to my class, and I go to the john and come out to find someone ELSE there, and I say I'll wait till 3:30, since Richard scheduled BOTH of us at 3, and it's an almost perfect 4:30 from now on, and the class is AGAIN great (see DIARY 13771), and out at 4 and up to the Thalia about 4:15---no, went to the Pomander and ordered books until maybe 4:30 ("Carnival" and Watts book), then watched the 13th Tournee of Animation with some good (and ickies---and repeat of "Paysagist") and some poor (repeat of "Boop," "Icarus," "The Box," other long dull ones, and out at 6:45 to call Andre and get to his place at 7:05 to find Alexei and a Turkish friend there, I show him the index from 7-8:20, and he accepts it, I'm home to pick up 1 JOYI letter and get home at 9:20 to watch a funny, but laundered (get it?) "Car Wash" (with "chicken-stuff" dialog) to 11, then talk to Bruce until 11:30, jo from 11:30-12:40 with lots of movies and lots of teasing, and then STILL don't feel sleepy so I read "James and the Giant Peach" from 12:47-1:43, finally falling asleep enough to turn the lights out and get to sleep for REAL.

DIARY 13772

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 28. Dream to 8:50 and take notes (see DIARY 13773), and then do lightwork till 10, taking MORE notes on idea of zero-sum game (see DIARY 13774), and then talk to Rolf on Data General again from 10:05-10:30 (see DIARY 13775), and I feel that I have more to type than to LIVE. Sort the xeroxed JOYI pages and get them piled up and ready for mailing, along with the copy for mailing to publishers and the copy for the DIARY pages, and then Andre calls at 12 saying we should meet at 1, but I push it to 1:30, saying I have too much to do, so I don't take a shower, get the laundry out, retrieve Dennis's Art News from the post office for 70, mail my 5 mailings, get another JOYI response from NYC about the club, get money from the bank and deposit two checks, and subway to Gaylord's at 1:50, Andre doing paperwork over a martini for $2.25, and we SPLIT for final lunch bill, though I've paid for the book that enables us to get it half-price, and despite the fact that he got his two-dessert after-bill treat free, too. To Kroll and spend much time buying him cards and pens and guides and getting undercharged by $2 at least, then to his place to start him on the Pain index from 4-5:10, and then I'm out for the BMT to pick up the laundry and meat, get in to phone Art and Arnie and Avi and Theo and Amy and find no one to have dinner with, the restaurant coupons having become an OBSESSION (see DIARY 13776), and then phone Pope in despair at 7:45 and he says to come over for Scrabble at 8:30, so I have hamburger for supper, reading Omni all through the week at meals, and get to his place to win two games, and he brings out hot apple cider and lovely cheesecake that friend of John's made for him, and we chat about getting obsessed by things and just letting other things go, and leave at 11, having watched part of his TV program, and then talk to Arnie from 11:25-12 and he's staying up to watch "Rebecca" which he says is the first time on TV, though I have it in my calendar that I watched it on TV in September, 1959, so I turn it on and get interested in it, starting to put books away during the lengthy commercials, and get to bed at 2:40, tired and chilly from no heat.

DIARY 13777

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 29. Wake at 10:10, having done some small lightwork, and DETERMINE to put the books away, and do that while playing the "Messiah" over and over, and then I make hamburger for brunch and shower from 12-1, and water plants which seem to be drooping again, though it's only two days since last time, and look at the mail, more Christmas cards back, and Dennis phones from San Diego (Chula Vista, actually) to say he'll be in at 5:30 tomorrow afternoon, and I clear off desk and put stuff away until 4, amazed at all the time it takes to just keep up with things, and I've been trying to talk with Virginia Martin about the overcharge on Dennis's "Eating" index, phoning Terry for schedules for my and Andre's index, Jenet to find that Russ Tyl was who's been contacted BEFORE for indexing at Academic Press, Margaret and whoever to find the index is coming in next week, the woman at Diabetes to find IT'S coming in next week, and then Michael calls with more data about the Caribbean trip and he's lost sight of St. Martin, which I guess is OK, and then I start typing one page and Pat arrives from 4:15-6:05 for my body session on her (see DIARY 13778) and then I type 10 pages from 6:15-8, getting hungry so I eat pork chops and drink wine and sangria and get nicely high, so I jerk off to the new-found "Superstuds" and that great shooting orgasm against the black leather chair from 8:30-9:20, and watch the end of a new "Incredible Hulk" program until 10, and they always seem to include lots of characters and love-sequences to make it "human," and I'm having popcorn, and then read "Danny the Champion of the World" until 12:20, then continue reading "The Dream Theatre" by Fay Hammel and "The Bolshoi Ballet" with notes by Walter Terry, and the catalog of the "Highly Important Jewelry" by Sotheby-Parke Bernet, and catch up with the seemingly endless task of writing notes on the day on cards so that I can remember what HAPPENED, by 12:30, and fall asleep without AGAIN having practiced singing, even though things seems to be getting closer to it, since I'm now up through Monday of this week and there's a good day's work on the diary left and that's all, so I hope, again, to finish it tomorrow before Dennis arrives. Eternal optimism!

DIARY 13779

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 30. Wake and write notes for a dream (see DIARY 13780) and about the relativity of time (see DIARY 13781) by 9:30, and then I dress and shit and look for VACUUM and WASH WINDOWS dates in the notebook, and Bruce calls and talks from 10:30-11:30 about progress and talking to Dennis about moving to San Diego, and about going to Faye's New Year's Eve party, which I end up not doing. Hang up from Bruce and BOB ROSINEK calls, saying he'll be DRIVING over soon, so I quickly shower and put things away and Bob arrives at 12:15 and we chat, I give him the Actualism intro, he likes it, and we have terrible sex again (see DIARY 13782) and he leaves at 4:15, taking me to the corner to see his new little white Honda Civic that he likes so much, and he tootles home as I phone airlines and find his plane is delayed about 20 minutes, so I shower to get rid of my smell, talk to Arnie from 4:40-5 to thank for watching TV schedules for me, then watch World Acrobatic Championships from Sofia to 5:50, type 6 pages to 6:40 from the rest of the day, and then Dennis calls from downstairs, saying he's unpacking, and in the shower I feel GUILTY for saying that I want to watch "Evergreen" tonight from 9-10:30 (if it was made in 1934 I don't have to see it TONIGHT!), and take down his mail and we kiss and start necking and his cock gets VERY hard and we're playing with it and he takes me out and I'm VERY hard, too, and he loves to play and tease, dripping, and I undress and we get into bed and he says he just wants to tease, but then he shoots LOTS and groans and whispers "I'm sorry" and smiles and I squeeze and torture, and then we're up and try Foffe's, which closes at 10 and I shout that they said on the phone they'd be open to 11, so we try Armando's at 10:15 and have a reasonably filling meal with Liebfraumilch and many courses and I'm too full for my final cheesecake, and Anisette in tea IS as nice as coffee, and we buy Times and get to his place and read through lots of it, he puts things away and shows me his new "grown-up" suits with vests and silk shirts, and at 2:10 I'm exhausted (but he's only at 11:10 California time), so we're into bed and cuddle and talk and I say I've missed him and we neck and get to sleep fairly quickly.

DIARY 13783

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 31. Wake about 10, greatly rested, do lightwork up the branch to 11, then quick sex to 11:20, both jerking off to each other's pleasure, and he's not even racing after the poppers anymore (though he smoked some last night, rather furtively, and Bob R says he hasn't smoked in months, either), and I work both Times puzzles after finishing reading the small paper and doing the crossword in Dennis's American Airlines book, and then it's 2:10 and he's getting hungry, so we're up to my place for pork chops and applesauce and vegetable soup and grape juice to 3:30, and then I wash dishes while he reads old newspapers, I phone Andre to find he still has an awful cold, but has been invited to Tony Schippers to be with SOMEONE for New Year's Eve, and I don't WANT his cold, and Dennis thought of going to "Lord of the Rings" at 7:10 and then to a restaurant, seeming to HAVE to do something, and I say OK, then phone Paul to tell him our plans, and he'd phones last night and wisely decided NOT to phone Dennis, which was nice, and then I shower and type 1 page and over Paul comes at 5:10, stays to 8, having wine and we're talking, and Dennis comes up and says it's OK not to go to the movie, and then he's downstairs to unpack when he decides he doesn't want to come with us (and when I phone him about 9, just to make sure he doesn't want to join us, he says he doesn't care for Ray at all, too effeminate, though Ray finds Dennis sexy, and I say I may call him when I get back), and I make popcorn to have something to snack on, and get VERY personal with their relationship (see DIARY 13784), and then drive over to his place when MY reception of "Fledermaus" is pretty bad (though HIS is WORSE!) for a rather pleasant evening (see DIARY 13785) of cold cuts and cats and friends and fireworks outside and drinks and champagne inside, and then I leave at 2:10 and SWING home in the very mild evening, looking at the FEARFUL people out on the streets when it's just NICE, and get in to get the keys and decide to wake Dennis, so I let myself in and he's saying "Good evening," and the booze has made me mellow, so we nuzzle and chat sweetly, and he SAYS "You're sweet tonight" and fall asleep about 2:30.