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1978 3 of 10

DIARY 12844

SUNDAY, MARCH 26. We wake about 9 and shower and take Art's advice in checking out of the hotel (difficult since someone had been tampering with the elevator controls and we had to phone for an elevator, and then got one of the four, all of which were stopping on every fourth floor just to make sure they got everyone), and going across the street to Marriott Inn for breakfast of eggs Benedict which tasted QUITE lemony and sour, and not NEARLY as good as those at the Cafe Promenade, and he had some kind of hash and hashed browns, which he ate cold as usual, and I commented about. Then we waited for a cab in the pouring rain and got to the terminal at 11:45 and waited for the 12:15 train, reading until I got bored, and then rocked the boat by asking him AGAIN what his "reaction would be if I said I was going to start planning for the Caribbean" and his reaction was quite bad, coming up with an argument I hadn't thought of: "there are lots of places that seem more interesting to me than the Caribbean!" which I hadn't thought of. Into the station about 2 and we both seem tired, so we're off to our respective homes, and I'd more or less made the decision not to see the Theatre du Silence and finish working on the index, and get to work at 3:05-3:40 to finish the editing, and then start typing through the letter C from 3:40 to 5:55, and it seems it's going to be a LONG index. Then have hamburger for dinner while finding I'd SEEN "The Borrowers," so I watch the Channel 13 special about Janet Flanner, who drops names like Gertrude Stein and Ernest Hemingway and Charles de Gaulle and Pablo Picasso and Henri Matisse. Then back to typing the index from 6:30-8, and then watch "Project UFO" from 8-9, rather nicely done about sightings (false) in Texas and "true" in Colorado, and then watch two hours of "CBS: On the Air" congratulating themselves for 50 years as a network, but it's rather boring and I do the crossword puzzles during it. Then I think I sit down and do some light-work, but I can't remember what I did with the rest of the evening, since I wanted to get up early the next morning but probably didn't work it right, probably eating and drinking and reading and fussing about things RATHER than working, and getting myself all agitated about it and worrying unproductively. Bed about 1.

DIARY 12845

MONDAY, MARCH 27. Wake at 7:30, attuned to Dennis's alarm, I guess, and start proofreading from 7:35 to 8:30, catching up to where I am, then type from 8:30 to 11:15, getting JUST the right number of lines and feeling very good about it, then proofreading part of it until 11:35, and then have to get into the shower and have some of the smelly hamburger to eat for the day, and then continue with a bit of proofreading from 12:40-1, and then I have to leave for Actualism without having alphabetized. The work on the Surgery on the Appendix is rather strange (see DIARY 12846-12849), meeting Winston on the street at 1:40 and find I was supposed to be there at 2:30, but he takes me early, we chat until about 2:20, then have a full surgery until 3:45, and get out about 4 to get over to CPW and take the subway down to Raven by 4:20 and Laura's pleased that I have it in, and I check the alphabetization until 5, when I hand it in, then xerox about 29 more pages of the JOYI questionnaire, much better quality, and turn in Don Richardson's name, and leave about 5:15 feeling VERY relieved to be finished with the index crush, with NOTHING on the boards now, except that I'm taking the first few chapters of Abnormal Neuronal Discharges for my next one from Raven. Get home about 6 and Dennis calls to say that Alexandra Danilova is on Dick Cavett tonight, and he'd like to see it, and I say that I have tongue to put on, so I'm ready for his coming. Put some of the things away to clear things up for his coming, play the record that I got from the library when I wanted to get some more stamps, which is pretty bad, and wash dishes, and he comes in about 8:30, the tongue is ready about 9, and very good it is, and at 10:15 I suggest he smoke and we have sex first, so he does and we do, and it's very nice, then we get out at 11 to watch a charmingly malapropish Danilova talking about dancing and defecting and training and children, which Makarova is having one of now, and then Dennis goes to bed and we cuddle and then I leave to watch Verdi's Requiem, which turns out, maybe thanks to all the drinks I had this evening, to be a transcendent experience in musical history (see DIARY 12850), and get to bed at 1, tired.

DIARY 12851

TUESDAY, MARCH 28. Wake early with Dennis (dream (see DIARY 12861)) and put on the hamburger to broil since I only have two hamburgers left for him, and then put on tea when he gets the last of the orange juice. He turns his nose up at the smell of the hamburger, but I say it's just the quality, not the freshness, and I finished the last of it TODAY and didn't feel any ill effects. Oh, phoned Pope last night and found that his trip to his father's funeral in Atlanta was quite painless, and he might be getting about $10,000 from the trust funds he had left. Phoned Don to ask if he called Virginia Martin at Raven, and this evening I phoned Paul Bosten just to say hello. THEN I get to the stuff in the apartment with relish: put things away first in the bedroom, then in the bathroom, then wash dishes and finish with the kitchen, which leaves only the living room and study. Read all the Times and put that on a pile to be taken out, and some time take out the Chinese laundry to be done. Just starting on things in the study when Arnold calls at 12 and talks until 12:30, and suddenly I realize I have to pick up my pants before I can meet Azak. Out for those and dress and leave for the BMT, and get there EXACTLY at 1:30, to the SECOND, as he says "We were starting to worry about you." The food there is absolutely fabulous (see DIARY 12852), even thought it DOES run to $59, and we leave about 3:15 to drop in next door to Arne Someone, who had been a count, and we wander up his stairs to see spectacular (and some VERY tacky) pieces, and Azak nudges me when his back is turned and indicates that he has about 13 inches, "just enormous." Out to the street and see Arnold across, and I scream "Spartacus" to get his attention, and then I take the subway home as they plan to meet. Back about 5, get a call from BobR, who has open time, and tonight he meets his Mr. 13 (see DIARY 12863), put some more things away, and at about 6:45 it's time to leave for the Winnipeg, which doesn't have the most auspicious opening (see DIARY 12853), but I'm out at 9:55 and across to the subway and up to Dennis at 10:30 to help him with his Tarsus Pie, which we end up having with honey and milk after it takes until after midnight to cook, and we get into bed without having sex since we both seem quite tired and worn out from the day's activities.

DIARY 12856

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 29. Dennis puts the alarm off early and I tell him about my bizarre dream-fragment (see DIARY 12861), and start reading New Yorkers as he potters around cooking spinach and serving eggs and toast, and we get out to the subway at 9:15. I'm home and decide I MUST get to some of the diary pages after a flurry of misdirection (see DIARY 12857), during which time I get very sleepy reading material from the Arcane Society, which I finish and write about tomorrow (see DIARY 12862), and then start typing the 15 pages that I type this day, many of them Actualism pages that I don't want to forget the details of, and some day-pages. But then talk on the phone for a long time to Pope, who wants to buy a typewriter; Arnold, who worries about getting Dennis's record back to him; Ron, who gets me to phone Laura Kosden and find that Virginia Martin DOES want him to send in a resume, and he says he's found a new guy who he's afraid he might be falling in love with, which he runs away from, and he says he feels that he can talk to me as a friend; Michael, after Dennis calls and says he won't be over for my tongue-sauce tonight, so I don't have to do the shopping yet and can continue to type, about going to U.S. Terpsichore tonight, after phoning Theo and finding he's too tired to do anything, but I can go over to his place tonight afterwards, if I want; and maybe others, too. Then I realize I'm meeting PEOPLE again, and look at the people list and find it VERY out of date, so I start bringing that up to date, but then it's time to shower and shave and have the last of the rotting hamburger to eat for lunch and get out about 5:15 to drop off the records at the library and get down to Joan's at 5:35, and she doesn't call for me until 5:45, and we have a boring body session but a VERY interesting talk about Mind Control (see DIARY 12858), but THAT is so interesting it's 6:34 when she starts on the body session and 7:39 when she stops, so I dress quickly and zip across to 7th and subway up on the local to get to Brandeis at 8:10 and leave only ONE ticket for myself and Michael is INSIDE, and by chance we're seeing the incredible Bronwyn Thomas as Giselle (see DIARY 12859). Out delighted, give him a token for the bus, and phone Dennis, who said he went to bed to get some sleep, and get home feeling slightly sorry for myself, but sit and DETERMINE to do light-work between 11:30 and 12, and then get into porno in the chilly room and come in a nicely-felt way all over, then drop right to sleep at 1 am.

DIARY 12860

THURSDAY, MARCH 30. Wake with a third consecutive dream that I get right to the typewriter to record at about 8:40 (see DIARY 12961), and then type a few more pages and decide to finish the material on the Arcane School, which I do, which gives me something ELSE to type (see DIARY 12862), and it seems I'll NEVER be finished with the pages from the past. Susan calls with a sung "Happy Birthday" and we chat, I phone Nick Falletta who called yesterday but didn't return my call by 4:30, and he'd answered his questions, he said, and I'd be getting another index in about three weeks, and then Bill Dischler calls from Appleton to say that Naomi Feiner's out and he's sending the last chapters of "Spinal Injury," so I'm back to indexing again! HAVE to get out to the bank, so I get out about 2:10, putting the phone on busy, picking up more mail from the box, being so angry with all the tellers closing on the "single transaction" side, leaving 5 of us behind the line, that she said "If looks could kill..." and I said, "Nothing personal, just the bank," and she broke me up at the end by saying "TRY to have a nice day," and I think SHE liked the strength of my response. Then stop for groceries in the FOOD section, getting no MEAT, only cheeses for a change, and get home after 3 to put the phone back and talk to Pope and Michael, putting groceries away and eating lots of the fabulous Entenmann's cake, killing any "diet" I'd be on, and then get back to continue typing pages, getting a call from Bob Rosinek at 5 about his 13 inch find (see DIARY 12863), which I type up immediately, but then I get engrossed in how many times I stayed at Dennis's and how many times he stayed here, which is 16 or so months behind, and after typing 16 pages I get to THAT, thinking it'd be quick, but I do lots of it, then shower and wash my hair for the evening, then come back and can't even FINISH it before I have to leave at 7 for Mr. and Mrs. Fosters Place, getting there via Pinocchio and a liquor store in my search, at 7:55 for ANOTHER great Birthday Meal (see DIARY 12852) for $95 this time, and we leave at 10 to walk north, just missing a bus, and get across to Dennis's to have him smoke and get to bed for both of us to get into our cocks and I come after he does, and he's out of toilet paper so I have to use the blue towel for a wipe. Get to sleep about 1 am, tired.
DIARY 9 1281


17. Horrible neighbors for a subscription ballet or opera series for DAYS.
18. Apartment robbers who make friends' lives (Dennis) miserable for them.

THE FOLLOWING JOTTED 12/9/72 in the back of Bharati "The Tantric Tradition":
19. Stores that blare music into the streets.
20. Kids who don't watch when crossing streets.
21. Middle-age women frozen behind false eyelashes and impasto lipstick.
22. Old women who have nothing better to do than totter along sidewalks in safety-pinned overcoats.
23. Car horns that play "Here Comes the Bride."
24. Discounts "as low as the law allows."
25. J.T. Farrell's Lonergan: "They're not in Russia ... beat them up until they love the USA."
26. Young blacks with nothing to do but stand around in corner gangs.
27. People who leave newspapers to blow all over subway cars and highways and streets.
28. Laws against prostitution, gambling, gayness.
29. No parking zones in front of churches.
30. Non-ticketed cars in no parking zones.
31. Anyone smoking cigars.
32. Litterbugs.
33. Stores that don't stock GOOD cereals.
34. 75 for dry cleaning a scarf for "handling."
35. $55 for fixing a $120 tape recorder.
36. The lack of maintenance people to fix old car doors or radios.
37. Chimneys that belch soot.
38. Drivers who race their motors needlessly.
39. Blue laws on store hours.
40. Having to check your brain before working.
41. Multi-painted cabinets that don't close.
42. Subway windows that don't take $10's or $20's.
43. People who want you to convert to their religion.
44. Guys who kick beer cans over at orgies.
45. Guys who come to, but never host, orgies.
46. Guys who rifle pants pockets at orgies.
47. Cops who accept payoffs.
48. People with frowns on their faces.
49. Industries that pollute rivers and lakes and the air.
50. Detergents that are non-biodegradable.
51. People who consider other races inferior.
52. Buses that spew exhaust.
53. Subway cars with poles ONLY at doors.
54. Women who color their hair.
55. Laws designed to keep lawyers in business.
56. Companies that exploit cheap foreign labor in cheap foreign countries.
57. Banks that give less interest than others.
58. Stores that sell only creamer-sugar bowl sets.
59. Punks that draw on subway maps and windows.
60. Women shoppers on rush-hour subways.
61. Wig-wearers.
62. Conservatives who automatically hate anyone with long hair.
63. Babies who pretend to be crying.
64. Babies who put their feet on you in subways.
65. Co-workers who eat lunch while working.
66. Drivers who abandon their cars on roads.
67. Cities that don't clear their streets or raze burnt buildings.
68. Stores that rip off ghetto dwellers.
69. Plastic furniture covers.
70. Cloth raincoats that don't stay waterproof.
71. Drivers who stall when the light is green then race through the red.
72. Conservatives who revile parties to mixed marriages.
73. Conservatives who revile gays showing affection in public.


74. Public employees who rip off everyone by lying about overtime hours.
75. Index-strip cards that are too stiff to tear apart without hurting hands.
76. $9 for a bar of Erno Laszlo soap where the "secret is the hottest water."
77. Restaurant "discounts" that take more time than the money they save.
78. Practically all airlines regulating agencies for keeping travel prices high.
DIARY 12865

FRIDAY, MARCH 31. He shuts alarm off when it clicks at 7, I try to do light-work but it just doesn't come, so when he's finished shaving and comes into bed to jerk off again, I'm ready for him, get hard myself, drip onto the floor to his "Oh!" and say I'll save it for tonight. Then he showers while I read New Yorkers, almost getting caught up by the time we finish breakfast of tuna-cucumber salad, his bread, and spinach, and his next-to-last slice of spice pie, leaving only the millet pie to finish, and we're out at 9:30, me with the cartoon that Bruce wanted to see, thankfully. Home about 10 and take about another hour to finish the list of times that Dennis and I have been to each other's places, and get disgusted with myself for getting disgusted with it (see DIARY 12864). Then get back to typing pages, reading all the mail when it comes, thumbing through the rather nice 288-page Brooklyn Heights Bluebook, calling Michael, Dana about the upcoming subway strike and our play tomorrow and dinner tomorrow night, Dennis about the $5 I said he owed me, which was from FEBRUARY 8, and call Don for the dance tonight but he's seeing his new friend for the third time, so maybe he's lost already. Read New York while having cake and cheese for lunch, and spend time trying to find John's quote about Jazz and Modern Dance for Dennis's report. Can't believe how long it's taken, but finish these 8 pages by 4:14, caught up with the basics at last, and with still DOZENS of things to do! Then while still at the typewriter decide to write a letter to Mom, and do one second-sheet that I make four copies of, and send HER two pages plus the Islands Summary, then write a first-page for Rita and for Helen and Jimmy, doing the same thing, so I've sent 3 three-page letters by typing only 4 pages, feeling very good about that. But that takes me until about 6, with showering and everything and talking on the telephone, and get out to Bertram Ross to put my name on the waiting list at 7 pm, about 6th on line, and read until 7:50, when we fill in the front row center on the floor, for some interesting pieces (see DIARY 12866), and still no news about the subway strike, and I try to tell him how I feel while I'm drinking and he's smoking (see DIARY 12867), and then I invite him into bed and he comes on me and I shoot, so we have to use a towel to dry ourselves off, for he has no toilet paper left.

DIARY 12870

SATURDAY, APRIL 1. Wake what I think to be early, doing fragments of light-work, but nothing really consistent or substantial, and he asks me for the time and gets up to find that it's about 10 am! I get up to start reading the two-segment article on "The Snow Leopard" in New Yorker, by Peter Mathiesson, which turns out to be all about ecology, philosophy, mysticism, psychology, thanatology, geography, paleontology (Yeti), and history, and a dynamite article that I cut out before I have a chance of losing it. Dennis does eggs and spinach and toast for brunch about noon, then goes up to Dana's to have him check over his income-tax forms, finding that he has to pay $1100, which is quite a bit with a $7000 income, so I'm sort of worried about what I'll have to pay! Finish reading the article, have to stand out of the shower, dripping, when he phones again from Dana's to ask me to bring the two volumes of Collectibles, and then glance through the Voice and finish the last New Yorker before leaving at 2:55, waiting for a subway and taking so much time that I get up there at 3:40, so we have to leave immediately, so I can't get into the dog that was castrated two weeks ago, and we drive to Jersey to get water for the radiator and get to the Paper Mill Playhouse at 4:45 for "The Little Foxes" with Geraldine Page, Rip Torn, and Sandy Dennis (see DIARY 12871) until about 7:45, and then we ask directions about three times to the Goethals Bridge and get to Staten Island, go to Bay Street, and all around the north of the island to Stuyvesant Place and Montezuma's Revenge, which we have to wait from 8:58 to 9:11 to enter, walking and talking, they mostly complaining about New Jerseyites, and we're in to a HEAVY meal with two pitchers of $5 Sangria for a total bill of $48, rather steep since I'm paying, but VERY pleasant, and we're out at 11:45 to wait for the midnight ferry, get across in the wind and the twinkling lights and rushing waters, then drive to my place with a grumbly Dennis since he HAS his ticket for tomorrow and I DON'T, and I've been ROASTING all day in the 79 weather in my woolen pants and overcoat! In at 12:45 and he smokes and we get into his cock again, and he comes all over my chest and I play with myself until I shoot, but I don't really feel like it.

DIARY 12872

SUNDAY, APRIL 2. Wake about 9 and Dennis gets out of bed to make coffee and doesn't bother to come back, with is comforting, and I get up about 10 to say that I'm really not HUNGRY from all the food last night, and so if he wanted to go to the dog show at the American Folk Art Museum, he might go without food, and he said that'd be OK. He and I had coffee and coffeecake about 10:45, and then he dressed and left and I watched the people living in the Louvre on Camera Three, come to Bowman on film, surprised that Pope STILL has the newer films! And then read more of the Times and started working the puzzle, which I finished the first one of at 1, when I dressed and left for the ballet, getting in at 1:50, but still before Dennis. Thankfully, the Winnipeg was getting better (see DIARY 12873), and we left feeling pretty good, but freezing because of the chill in the weather for which we all dressed LIGHTLY. Subway to 103rd and check to see that the movie doesn't start until 6:30, so we're next door to the Balcony to read the menu and be sorry they have no more duck flambé with Amaretto, but I have shrimps, too few but tasty, with baked potato with green beans which are good; and he has chicken and asparagus, rather tough and gummy sauce Mornay on it, and we had a tasteless carafe of white wine that at least put up a cheerful front for confronting the circus next door at the movies. Leave at 6:30, grumbling about the $28 bill, and in for "The Goodbye Girl" with an impossibly perky Quinn Cummings as a smart-ass 10-year-old daughter of Marsha Mason, impossibly inept and left-alone 33-year-old with "roommate" Richard Dreyfuss, who was, nevertheless, believable for wanting HER though she shouldn't be believed in wanted HIM. But this disbelief made "The Late Show" hard to swallow: the inept reading of lines by Lily Tomlin, the unneeded pains and agings of Art Carney as the detective, and it couldn't decide whether to be flip or serious or scary or heart-warming, and I kept saying that "The Fury" was TRANSPARENT compared to THIS plotting. Out at 10 and wait in the cold for a bus down to 88th, I take a shower while he buys toilet paper, hamburger, and half and half ("I'm going to make a casserole," he cracks. [And Sherryl contributes the appropriateness of the ASS in casserole for the "crack."]) and we drink sherry I bought before and talk through the evening about the films, then get into his cock, and he comes with my nails digging into his tits, and we get to sleep about midnight, feeling decently good.

DIARY 12874

MONDAY, APRIL 3. Dennis shuts alarm off at 7, sleeps till 7:30, I doze and do just a bit of lightwork before he calls me to breakfast at 8:45,k and I feel pretty much out of it, chilly walking to the subway reading "The Fourth Way," which is rather depressing, and get home about 10, pleased to find the mail there already, with things to read, and then finish the double crostic, speak to Arnold about the movies, Michael about Eastern, Bruce about Actualism, and then eat about 1/3 pound of Fontina, not the best, while watching "Another Part of the Forest," the EARLY days of "The Little Foxes," and it's pretty ugly, too, but I thought Betsy Blair was Mercedes MacCambridge as Birdie Bagleigh. That goes from 1-3, and then I finish reading articles in the Times to put the papers away, clean up the rest of the apartment, and finally get around to writing checks for Cosco for Erotikus, Mint for 1978 Proof sets, BUG, and Workmen's Circle, and Azak, as well as sending him an Islands Summary, Jean-Jacques a Met schedule for 1978-1979, "Where's my paper?" to Advocate for a second time and "Where's my book?" to Anacapa for the first, and send off for six hotels via Hotel Representatives, nine pieces of mail that feel good being sent off. Boil milk for yogurt, set it to cool but forget it till 5, when I have to heat it again, I guess, and then put it on to cook at 5:15 and finish typing these 9 pages by 5:20 pm, LATE! Wash dishes, then sort through the JOYI mailings and make up folders for the information and type 27 more labels for sending to people, getting part-way through by 8, when I stop to watch another good "Prisoner" chapter entitled "Checkmate" where he almost gets away until another prisoner thinks he's a guardian by his arrogance. At 9 put on the tongue with Sambuca sauce and cook Jerusalem artichokes, not so great, and eat when Dennis enters at 9:20 until 10, when I put on the Academy Awards, and Rolf calls and comes over; we watch until it's over at 1, then Dennis goes to bed and Rolf starts flipping channels and we watch snips of "Mogambo" and "Black Sunday" and "Getting Straight" but zero in on "The Wrong Box" and watch most of it, drinking wine and brandy and crème de menthe until 4:45, when it's over and he leaves and I stagger in to bed with a portent of a hangover and fuzzy teeth, exhausted.

DIARY 12875

TUESDAY, APRIL 4. Dennis's alarm at 7 jolts me into nausea, and I confess I got to bed at 4:45 and would he mind making his own breakfast, which he does, and leaves without my knowing, and then Bruce phones at 9:15, another jolt, so I take three aspirins and an antacid tablet and fall back into bed until 11, when I start taking more notes for j/o fantasies and questions and jerk off with niceness until 11:30, at which time I'm up and putting things away while listening to Bruckner's symphonies, and then finish getting the 27 JOYI mailings put together and get out about 1:40 to pick up five more to be mailed, mail many pieces, wait LONG time to deposit in MHT account, buy gauze for my athlete's foot, pick up Chinese laundry, and get back about 3 to put THOSE things away and mail out the five new ones and get the single page out of the way, no eating yet, by 3:45 pm. Then decide that I won't wait ANY longer to type up the JOYI/V pages, so I do a lot of fretting and type a test page that I don't care for at all, and then come up with a new format that seems to please me, so I type up three pages and in typing the final version decide to cut it down to two pages. Had phoned Pope and he said he'd call, but I was surprised when he called at 6 and said I could come over at 8, so I said I'd watch Martha Graham and then come over at 9:30. Finish and mail out rather blurred copies, but I just want to get them OUT, so I get them out and have some more cheese sandwiches for dinner, on muffins, filling myself up, and watch the good crotchy Martha Graham program from 8-9:30 (see DIARY 12877), and then get out to Arnold's to return his bar and Ciao and give him a copy of the j/o questionnaire, then across to Pope's to pick up stamps and my 12 old films and win two games of Scrabble and talk about the questionnaire, and then get back here JUST at 11:30 to watch "The Servant" from 11:35 to 1:35, which is pretty good, but the impact of Dirk Bogard's complete degradation of James Fox (you know it was complete, the pendulum on his clock stopped at the last frame of the film) with his "sister" Vera seducing everyone, was not nearly as great as before. Put away the yogurt and eggs and cheese warming to room temperature for the cheesecake that I didn't make, and get to bed at 1:30, thinking to do lightwork but falling asleep before getting anywhere.

DIARY 12878

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 5. Wake about 8:30 and lay until about 9:15, feeling pretty good, and move around the house clearing things up, that I brought from Arnie last night, trip to North Pole, and then decide that I MUST get a lot of lightwork in, so I sit down at 10:40 and work until 12 NOON! That feels just GREAT! Talked to Pope about HIP and phone them for a brochure BEFORE I get my eyes examined and teeth looked at; phone Pippo to find that I don't need an appointment for a styling for $11.50, phone Roger Englander and make arrangements to see him on Monday, Art Ostrin called and I talked to Dennis and made dinner arrangements for Tuesday, and then decide that I have to get down to Income Tax, but that's only after going down for the mail, picking up Book Digest and doing its puzzle and talking to Pope about it, leaving word for Arnie about Avalon and about touring the Job Lot area, and get data down for possibly income-averaging that I have to pick up data for tomorrow. Even call Erno Lazlo and find that I just have to go to Saks for an examination; and MAKE the first cheesecake and find I didn't cream it well enough, but things have gone VERY well today, great for the Actualism meeting tonight, and even type these three pages by 7:35, just after I exercised and showered and washed my hair and got ready to go, even having let in Mrs. Johnson to check what windows I need. Off at 7:455 after getting an enthusiastic call from John Bryce about my questionnaire, and get in at 8:15 to wait for Tony, who's in Europe, and DELIGHT in the session (see DIARY 12879). Out at 10:15 and, from abundance, buy two bottles of wine for Dennis, who BOUGHT wine for his chicken Veronique, which is just FABULOUS, with his curried rice with apples, and we sat around for about 90 minutes talking about where we are in the relationship, both of us being very honest (see DIARY 12881). We had sherry to start with and finished the wine, and when we got into bed Dennis was VERY hot, despite the fact that he'd come last night with a friend AND this morning, and he was so hard that I bore down on his bulb as he came, and he groaned continuously for about a minute, and then said that his shaft felt sore, in a feeling that I knew. I jerked off somewhat soft but came a lot, wiped myself off, pulled out the bed, and we both fell asleep about 1 am.

DIARY 12882

THURSDAY, APRIL 6. He's up and I try lightwork but only get to Center 2, which I figure is enough for awhile, and go for his breakfast and then ride down on the local with him to 50th Street, walking across to Saks at 9:45 to find it still closed, so I'm down to 47th to the Gotham and they HAVE a copy of "Ali's Smile" for only $3.50, and I special-order "Dead Fingers Talk" just to see what their price is, in case I don't get it from Anacapa at all. Then to Saks at just 10, looking at their windows, and up to 3 for "makeup" and find Erno Laszlo is downstairs, find them, sit for my "7 o'clock skin" evaluation, and pay $36 and change for two lotions and a soap, ridiculous, since she emphasizes that the HOT WATER is the secret of the whole system. Then down and over to Lexington to pass the post office and pick up Schedule G's, and to the Brentano's sale in the Chrysler Building, finding LOTS of things that I want, and spend about $22 on a load of books, so I don't have enough for my zipper and watch-check that I brought along. Out about noon and over to Pippo of Rome and get Arnold, toward the back, to give me a short haircut with a shampoo, but it doesn't look so great, and he trims off LOTS of beard-hair, and it's $11.50 and I give him $1.50 and nothing to the girl who hands me my coat. That's about all the money I have, so I subway home with my fingers aching from the books, pick up a LOAD of mail, and get up to read it all, leaving it on the floor near the chair, and the stuff is all over the living room, and I get involved in looking through the Guinness Book of Records, having gotten a call from Bruce giving me the address of tonight, and I eat more cheesecake---guess I MADE it today!---and finish up the cheese on muffins, and then get out at 5:15, Dennis saying he might come along if Guy's busy (but he might have the clap, so they don't have sex), getting to the bank to send off the check and get more money, and get to the Manhattan Country School at 6 to sit with Bruce and his family and the goony Bill Param for Dr. James L. D'Adamo (see DIARY 12883), then out about 7:45, drive down to 333 E. 6th and have a FABULOUS shrimp tempura for $3.50 at Hiro's, then back to drive his folks to Penn Station, Bill to his apartment at the Waverly on 8th and 55th, and then back to Brooklyn, talking all the time, taking time off for the Coal Oven, country music, and home about 1, and I do the first of the Laszlo treatments and get into bed without jerking off.

DIARY 12886

FRIDAY, APRIL 7. Wake and try to do lightwork, then move to the chair to do it a bit better, but only get part-way through when Arnie calls to go shopping today, and Dennis calls to say that Rick Kleyn committed suicide (see DIARY 12887)! I type the start of the page on it for the only typing of the day, and get things together for Arnie when he buzzes at 11:45, having spent MORE time with Guinness, and subway to the TKTS office, look at the Reserve building, then check out Good Shot and Mern's and Hess's for Dennis's clothes buying, and across to look at the World Trade Center Plaza for the first time, giant balls and constructioneer devices, then in to be pleased with the huge Miro macramé hanging, down to the underground to see various shops, and about 1:30 try to get Arnie to try the Market Restaurant, but he refuses, coincidentally thereby refusing a bag of vegetables and diary products given free, according to Soho, to all patrons. But he agrees we can eat in the Big Kitchen, which is of interesting design, but the beef and pork barbecues aren't very good, though I'm resistant to the tempting $3 specials. Out to Job Lots and buy a tiny screwdriver set, at last, some light bulbs, some glue for the kitchen tile, and, on impulse, 5 tubes of color and a palate knife for acrylic smearings. Downstairs to AGAIN get overloaded with the look of things, then to the Spice Market and buy soy kernels for 70/8 oz, celery salt, Hoisin sauce, and a bottle of Ginseng pop and apricot nectar pop, and then I'm exhausted and subway home with my belongings, to drink both bottles of pop (oh, bought cashew butter, too), and home about 4 to NOT feel like doing anything except eating cheesecake, reading the entire book of Baum's "Master Key," and get far into "Life and Adventures of Peter Wilkins," and don't feel that I'm up to anything, particularly since I got into showing some of the films from 6-7:15, coming once, and then in the middle of the evening getting an itch for them AGAIN, and doing it AGAIN, and just keep reading until about midnight, putting on the lotion and getting to bed overly disgusted with myself for not doing all the CONSTRUCTIVE things I should be doing to get them off my LIST of things to do. Keep kicking myself!

DIARY 12888

SATURDAY, APRIL 8. Wake about 7:30 and actually sit down and do a complete session of lightwork, though it gets rather ragged at the end, and I keep eating cheesecake, and I think this is the morning that I can't resist the acrylic colors sitting there, and I smear an 11x14 sheet with a rather uniform impasto without too much excitement in it, and figure this will be the first of a series "Sergeant Acrylic artists color Yellow Ochre (Natural Earth Iron Oxide), Cerulean Blue (Oxides of Cobalt and Aluminum), Cadmium Red Light (Cadmium sulfo-selenide coprecipitated with barium sulfate), Oxide of Chromium (Opaque) (anhydrous chromic oxide), and Hookers Green (Ferric Nitroso Betanaphtol)." Then get to the income tax and find that I have to pay something over $2500 in taxes, which is quite depressing, even though Bruce says that Joan Ann takes a lot off for self-improvement and author's research. I run through and put some things away, looking for a long time through the book on Chinese art, and finally I just have to put all the books AWAY, or I'll spend all my time looking through them. Since I DO spend so much of the time reading, and don't do ANYTHING on catching up with the diary, and haven't STARTED on the indexing yet, I'm feeling VERY guilty about things, and adding that I haven't eaten anything except cheesecake for the past few days probably doesn't help either. Anyway, when I meet Dennis this evening I'd been told to come to his place so that we could see "Roseland" and "A Special Day" at the Olympia as early Sunday afternoon as we could to avoid the circus there, but I decided NOT to see them, just as I'd decided not to see "Inserts" and "Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz" yesterday or today, and invite him to MY place, but he doesn't want to come. I'd started at LAST, after showering for the first time since Wednesday and feeling fairly grubby into the bargain, finally throwing the filthy white pullover into the laundry, putting ointment on my decaying-foot-syndrome athlete's foot, AND wanting to continue the regimen with the Laszlo products, and felt VERY self-conscious. The Royal Ballet of Flanders isn't bad at all (see DIARY 12889), we eat a Reuben (him) and pastrami (me) at Jentz across the street from the subway station, and I finish with a LUSH hot fudge sundae, and I'm out at 12:30 to buy a Times and read all through it by 2, finishing most of the puzzle into the bargain, and tumble into bed AGAIN feeling overcome with guilt at the thought of all I SHOULD be doing today but was just ENJOYING.

DIARY 12890

SUNDAY, APRIL 9. Out of bed about 10:45 after doing rather sketchy lightwork, and watch the last part of Ezra Laderman's trio for "Song of Songs," which was pretty plinky-bonky, and then wonder if we're going to see MORE of Aline MacMahon as announced, but Faubion Bowers comes on with a four-part thing about Thailand: orchids, US sex, and two others, and then I get back to the puzzle and finish it in good time, and fix up a few things before watching "Cavalleria Rusticana" and "Pagliacci" from 2-5:10 on Channel 13, impressed mainly by the NEGATIVITY of opera (see DIARY 12891). Then look through things to do, and find that tonight's Joffrey Ballet would be the perfect one to see, so I try calling Dennis but he's not home, phone Arnie and he wants to finish watching "Anna Karenina," and only phone Don Richardson on Monday to ask if he wants a questionnaire, which he does, so I send it to him, and though I debate NOT going to the ballet and staying home and getting caught up on things, I finally decide to go, taking off at 6:45 for the 7:30 curtain, and THIS is the night that I take that shower, salving up my feet, and taking enough money for the surgery tomorrow in CASE Dennis happens to be home later. Try to find a free ticket, but the $1 seats in the second balcony, rows J-O (hm) are pretty good ANYWAY, at least after I move down from the fifth to the third row and frame the stage opening between four perpendicular railings blocking the way, and the program is quite spectacular (see DIARY 12892). Get Dennis at the second intermission and leave at 10 and get up to his place at 10:30, and he's making tasty steak in the ceramic thing again, making a cherry pie, and putting in a loaf of half-white, half-wheat bread with millet in it! A great night I picked to go over! I look through some of his New Yorkers, but I'd read most of it on the subway last night before leaving him at Clark Street, and dinner is late, and he smokes even during the cooking of it, and it's very tasty with rice and wine that's so bad that we add orange juice to make it sangria, and he gets very stoned and even though he came this morning gets VERY nicely into his cock, and then I jerk off too, and we sleep about 1:30 am.

DIARY 12893

MONDAY, APRIL 10. Alarm goes at 7:30 and I doze, then get to Center 2 by the time Dennis calls for breakfast. I'd checked museum schedules, but as I eat his rather boring scrambled eggs and good millet toast I get involved in "The Fearful Void" by Geoffrey Moorhouse (see DIARY 12894), so I just sit there from 9:30-2:00 and read all 285 pages, taking time out to get a call from Bob Souls (?) about Rick and a call from Dennis minutes later. Out at 2:05 and it's getting nicely warmer outside, and walk down to Actualism and have a bit of confusion when I can't remember what I'm to do today nor what I did two weeks ago, but it turns out to be Gall Bladder Surgery time, and it's a remarkably featureless 90 minutes (see DIARY 12895). Out at 4, smiling at the beautiful Malcolm there for something, and take the B train down to West 4th Street and switch to the A for High Street and the post office, picking up 13 more letters to JOYI, and I buy crème de cacao (but the Black Mist isn't that worthwhile: 1/2 cacao and 1/2 Irish Mist) and Widmer's Lake Niagara to see if it's still as tasty, and open some of the letters to have enough money to buy groceries and stuff for more cheesecake at the supermarket. Home about 5 to get New York and read that, and AGAIN I start putting things away in preparation to doing the pages of the diary in preparation to doing indexing, but all I do is burn the roof of my mouth (or else something's wrong) with the rest of the tongue with not-quite-fitting Hoisin sauce for dinner, and shower in case I remember Roger Englander being sexier than he turns out to be: quite fat, in fact. Get there just after 8 and listen to the 2 Ustinov tapes, one I was missing, one new one, and then he puts on a DELIGHTFUL Kuklapolitan Festival with Anita Darian and other guests at Roger's, and he knows John Connolly from the time he was an usher at the Alvin. He serves Grand Marnier and shows a spacious apartment and talks about his property in Rockland County and we talk about the Caribbean and other travel, and then it's 11:30 and relieved he lets me go without passing at me more than I can just ignore, and get home to feel quite tired, so I just put on the lotion and get into bed to fall asleep right after forming hierarchy, so not much lightwork today.

DIARY 12896

TUESDAY, APRIL 11. Wake at 7:30, try to do lightwork, but get up at 8:45 and try to finish it in the chair, but get only to Center 9 when Art calls at 9:15 and then Dennis just after, talking both of them until 10, and I try to go back, then wash and lotion my face, water plants, clean out the humidifier, which is foul, and start putting things away, starting by sewing the brown belt loop back on and the buttons back on the yellow chair cushion. Getting to other things when the noon bells sound (like doing the SECOND in the "Sergant" painting series, this being FREER) and I go down for a lot of mail, put the dishes away, and then try to make yogurt out of milk that is merely warmed in the pan to room temperature, without near-boiling, and it's finished at 6:30 and when I taste some at 7:45 it HAS turned to a more or less quite runny yogurt, so I'll try heating it MORE next time, not to boiling. Talk to Arnie about his job for General Tours, and decide I would NOT want to travel in Russia for 6 months, talk to Bruce about my lesson and activations, and Dennis decides to have dinner at his place and Art calls back to say his artichokes are pretty bad. I go through the STACK of stuff I have to put away, and send 9 pieces of mail: to a Gurdjieff Fourth Way group from VV free; HIP with $174 and change; National Writers Club saying that I'm an indexer; Veeder-Root saying to exchange the workingless clicker; Griffin International asking if they still have "Best Come Shots"; Con Ed bill; note to branch 1082 of Workman's Circle that I paid branch 1002 for two quarters; Workmen's Circle with a quarterly Blue Cross $75; and telephone bill. Then get it ALL put away and cleaned up and type 7 pages before leaving at 7:55. Subways come fast and I'm into Dennis's at 8:30, kicking myself for forgetting his JERUSALEM artichokes, and Art comes in about 8:45 with a large bottle of wine. I'd just finished the sherry, so we start on the wine and Art gets out a joint that starts him and Dennis off early. "Southers Chicken" is great again with bacon wrapped around a rather dry chicken breast with green peppers inside, but the juice on the rice is fine and the ice cream on the cherry pie is fabulous. We talk and talk, I look through Art's stamped postcards and pull out the best 57, then reluctantly, from my point of view (see DIARY 12897) get into sex, and he leaves at 2:35, when we both fall exhaustedly into bed, Dennis chortling over how nice the evening was.

DIARY 12898

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 12. Wake with a vivid dream of getting annoyed with Dennis in some obscure cooking ritual and in sex, and he keeps clearing his throat at breakfast, which he said he didn't realize he was doing, and I went into how people's chewing on the phone and clearing their throats annoy me, and he says that seems perfectly normal. We leave about 9:30 and I subway to 34th Street and go across to pay $3 to get my jacket zipper repaired and to 28th to get my watch picked up AT LAST, for $34.02, and feeling VERY good in the balmy, white-clouded morning, I walk down to Strand to look for books but decide to get "Eros in Pompeii," "Fuseli," and "John Martin" for $26 in all, and get another shopping bag for the three planters, cotton balls, juice squeezer, 2 red pens, 3 pre-recorded tapes for $1, and drink pitcher that I bought for a self-cheated $2.25 from a junk place on Park Avenue South. Home about 12 and find that the yogurt is still pretty runny, but have that and apple sauce while reading the mail, then look through all three books with pleasure and AGAIN get to the task of putting everything away, even dating the two-so-far-in-the-Sergant-series paintings, and talking to Joan Ann about Actualism deductions as EXPENSES for writing as an AUTHOR, and to Arnie about his NOW-accepted job in the Berkshires for the summer, NOT going to Russia because of the lack of interesting food and unrisky sex, and finish THESE 12 PAGES TO DATE BY 5:20 PM!! Exercise and shower and wash my hair and lotion my face and put ointment on my athlete's foot, and feel very OCCUPIED in time with these duties. Then decide to FINISH my final income tax forms to check my arithmetic, and find that I DON'T income average and DON'T use the TC form for only THREE forms and greater savings: 1040, Schedules C, SE, and that's it. Make out slips for the banks tomorrow and a list of things to do returning from Dennis's, and leave at 7:40 to get there at 8:15 for a VERY low-frequency dramatizing report (see DIARY 12899) and a pleasant chat with Maureen to Broadway, and then up to Dennis's, warm in the 64 temperature, and he's heating up the kitchen with meat-green peppers-tomato sauce for his spaghetti, and he smokes and we have a NICE bottle of Piesporter 1975 wine and the rest of his cherry pie and he gets into his cock and comes, and play with mine but I say wait for the morning, so we get to bed relatively early at 12:45, and even wake late tomorrow!

DIARY 12901

THURSDAY, APRIL 13. I'm up before alarm rings at 8, hard, so I cuddle up to Dennis and start sex rather than telling him about my dream (see DIARY 12900). He jerks me off and loves it and then sees that it's 8:20, and he doesn't have enough time to come himself, so he showers while I form hierarchy and get through center 2, anyway, but don't finish because he's fixed breakfast and it's time to eat at 9, so that he can get to his singing class at 10, moved up from tomorrow since he's supposed to fly to WISCONSIN tomorrow morning and Saturday to talk to someone about a collection! We finish the rest of the salad and the meatballs and sauce, and I look through Art News while he dresses and we leave at 9:50, me riding through to Borough Hall to pick up 3 GREAT JOYI answers, a check for $5, and buy three sheets of stamps, then get two money orders for income tax at the bank, go to the second bank and deposit an old check dated 1/5/78, which I hope clears, and buy hamburger, green beans, and 20 pounds of potting soil [another casserole?] for only $2.98. Lug it all home and get the mail and read that, put things away, water the plants, put stamps away, and then finish reading "The Fourth Way" since I only have 10 pages left. Fill out the extra schedule C and mail both Income Tax forms and put those things away, exercise, then start typing the diary to discover that I'm TWO lessons behind in the Actualism folder, and type both of those and these 3 pages, FINALLY ready for indexing work at 2:20 pm! Bruce calls just then and talks till 2:40, still chewing his lunch, and I mark from 2:40-3:20 until Eddie calls with details of his new doorman job, I decide to paint the third of the Sergant series, and then I eat the last of the cheese I have waiting for me. Continue marking pages 1-218 from 3:45-6:30, doing about 60/hour, good, and then shower and decide not to shave and get out at 7:15 for the Theatre de Lys and "A Life in the Theatre," by David Mamet, which isn't very good (see DIARY 12902). Out at 9:30 and he wants to eat in the Panther's Cage, or something like that, and I have good green noodles with ham and peas and we share a carafe of wine then rush to his place by 11:05 to hear Barbara Lea on Cavett with Lerner, Schwartz, and Sammy Kahn, then he's smoking and we get into sex, but he's HARD to bring up and takes a LONG time to come, though we get to bed at 12:30 without me doing anything.

DIARY 12903

FRIDAY, APRIL 14. The alarm rings at 7 as Dennis set it, but I sleep until about 9, surprisingly, and don't get a chance to do lightwork at all before I get up to shit, then eat his meatball-cucumbers 1/2 chicken Southers breakfast and leave about 9:55 for him to get to work and me to get home at 10:30 to get the mail already, which is nice, and then at 11:05 I decide to finish my lightwork session, going until 12 and racing through the last part because I've decided to allow myself to watch a film and come, which I do very quickly by 12:15 because the rubber band tied three times around my cock is sexy and I'm just ready with Jeff on the screen. Then listen to the new tapes while washing the dishes so that I can get clear yogurt cups for the new batch of yogurt that I boil a quart of milk for them, and then paint the last large and two SMALL pictures of the Sergent series, and then type these two diary pages to catch up before making the yogurt at 2:20, then indexing. Type 432 cards in the amazing period between 2:30 and 3:35, taking about five minutes OF that to re-sort the boxes of cards to be used, glad to be getting to the end of the green ones that are so hard to tear, and then mark the pages from 219-262 from 3:35-4:30, when I stop to watch "A Brand New Life" on TV with a very effective Cloris Leachman and Martin Balsam having a child past 40, and that goes until 6 and I sit stupidly and watch pictures of a probably arsonist-set fire sequence in New Jersey until 6:15 when I return and mark the rest of the 384 pages from 6:15 to 8:10, and then watch a bit of "Five," which REALLY looks low budget, and read in the science fiction book how it ends, so I'm not interested in its amateurishness, and then type 464 cards from 8:30 to 9:25, taking time out to watch part of the rerun of "The Incredible Hulk" and then sort in the meantime and finish the editing in one long stretch from 11-2, having watched "The Siena I Love" on TV, and it IS filled with young men of the aristocratic families who compete in the Palio, which Huxley talked about (now read his essay, which is praiseful of all except the modern banner of victory), and I smear my face with the lotion and get to bed to desultorily try to repeat the ending of the lightwork I sloughed off this morning, but fall asleep by 2:30, tired.

DIARY 12911

SATURDAY, APRIL 15. Wake at 9:15 feeling still sleepy, and doze until 10:15, when I get up and strip the bed for cleaning and wash my face from the lotion from last night, and then at 10:35 sit down to determinedly do lightwork until 11:35, having good thoughts about making connections (see DIARY 12904) and fictionalizing Actualism with the idea of knots (see DIARY 12905) which I try to find referenced before, and start a box marked DIARY INDEX for those pages that I keep looking for and then losing again, and I decide they might be in the pages I haven't cataloged yet, so I settle down and type title pages 12906-12910, not finding it here, and type this page to make sure I know where I am at 1:45, not finished with yesterday yet! Read "Palio at Siena" by Huxley to see what he said and finish this at 2:07. Cut up the last of the pepperoni and make good scrambled eggs with it for brunch, putting out the makings for a cheesecake, and then type pages 1-20 from 2:45-4, doing 16 pages/hour, which is great, and then watch "Journey to the Outer Limits," about Outward Bound from National Geographic, which turns out to be 1973 and a rebroadcast, but it gets me back to wanting to climb mountains and take some RISKS! Then back to type pages 21-38 from 5:05 to 5:20, when I watch the Mr. Universe Body Building Championship (see DIARY 12914), and from 5:45 to 6:30 finish typing the pages, turning out 18 pages in an hour. Then bake the graham cracker crust and let it cool while I'm whipping the rest of the stuff, and put it on by 7:30, when I watch the start of "Space 1999" to find that I've seen it, and it's awful, and then proofread the 38 pages from 7:55-8:55, almost finishing the whole thing, and then watch "Above Us the Waves" about miniature submarines blasting German destroyers in WW II led by John Mills from 9-11, then out for the Times, watch end of "Second City Television" rather silly, then "Saturday Night Live" with a sexy Michael Sarrazin, a gabby Gilda Radnor (ODD Keith Jarrett on DISSONANT but SEXY piano), and the woman (Jane Shepherd? [Curtin?]) seems really to HATE her! That goes until 1, and I'm reading Times and working puzzles, and then start "Don Kirshner's Rock Concert" from 1:10 until 2, when the Travolta clip from "Saturday Night Live" comes on again and I guess I've seen it, and then have some cheesecake while finishing the crossword, and feeling TIRED about finishing the double crostic, and find that it's 3 am, so no WONDER I feel tired. Lotion and bed.

DIARY 12915

SUNDAY, APRIL 16. Wake about 9:15 and doze until 10:15, then up to finish the double crostic, have some cheesecake, and find that Camera Three has been changed to a program on Quartets with a beautiful blond Michael Clyne (Rick Kleyn's relative, no doubt), and then I'm being overwhelmed with JUNK in my mind, so I sit down at 11:50 to do lightwork and don't finish until 12:30, when I just CAN'T concentrate (see DIARY 12913) and rush the end and dash into the bedroom to pull the blinds down and jerk off very quickly (no, this I've confused with Friday 14th), and I'm SO hungry when I finish at 1:10 that I wash my face and make a lovely onion omelet for breakfast, reading part of Rawson's "Tantra" and then skimming through "The Tantric Tradition" by Bharati to refresh my memory, and then sit down at the typewriter to write the only page for the day on it (see DIARY 12912), and then type the long-lost list of hates (see DIARY 91281), and decide I should have John Bryce over this evening, but call Dennis and he's not home, then call Arnie about recording Roger's tape over there, and HE'S not home. Back to read articles in the magazine and finish reading the paper, have more cheesecake, and then type the final few pages of the Spinal Injury index cover sheets and send out 12 more JOYI forms, deciding on a whim to phone Meredith and getting "a live person" who says it's $100 the LEAST on a book idea with less than 10,000-word actual writing, but that they ENJOY strong stuff. Fuss about the cover letter for that when Arnie calls at 5:30 and talks to 6, when I watch a terribly hokey Bill Burrud "Creatures of the Amazon" from 6-6:30 and then get to Arnie's to tape Roger Englander's Ustinov tapes, and back at 8 to watch the first hour of "Holocaust," pretty formula stuff, and then the first 1/2 hour of "Diamonds Are Forever" which is even worse, so I switch back and forth, eating cheesecake, liking neither, hating myself for watching TV, and then I make popcorn, which I really don't need, and tune in bits of Monty Python at 10:45, and then watch a kicky "Prisoner" from 11-11:50 where he's been induced to think he's in the old west, but still a prisoner, with the Leonide Massine-like face of Alexis Kanner expressive over a humpy body, and then get into bed at midnight with porno and clean sheets, and one whiff of popper takes me over the brink with two pre-come PUDDLES and I shoot, dry myself off, and go through a COMPLETE lightwork cycle before falling asleep about 1 am.

DIARY 12916

MONDAY, APRIL 17. Wake at 7:50 and doze till 8:30 and up to wash off the lotion and get into lightwork at 8:50 and sit until 10:10, seemingly doing quite a bit, and I'm impelled to type the page on maximum irritability (see DIARY 12913), and then take time out to have a hamburger and read more of "Tantra," which I note down (see DIARY 12912), and then phone Bill Dischler at ACC and say I'll be bringing it in, though they have nothing to give me, and they've only given me a FEW jobs in the past year! Type these 4 by 12:05 pm already!! Bring the list of books I've indexed up to date on DIARY 12216, Arnie calls just as I'm leaving and talks awhile about TDF, which is in the mail for ME downstairs, and I leave at 1:30 to deliver the index, but the line is long at the xerox machine so I don't do any there, sadly, but reading some of Chardin's "Letters from Egypt" on the subway. Then decided to take the list of things I want to do in the library along, and search for the SINGLE listing for either Actualism, Mind Control, or Mind Dynamics (under Silva) in the 40th Street library, and xerox both the 9 Aug 69 New Yorker profile of Arthur Clarke and the story "Under the Rose" by Thomas Pynchon for $9, then read the article in the November 1975 Today's Health (see DIARY 12917) and leave at 4:30 to get home at 5 to phone Dennis again, and he calls back at 5:30 to say he'd like to come over for having dinner out, and I decide I have to fix up the apartment, so I put the diary pages all back on the shelf, make a list of indexing companies to call to see if they have jobs or want a resume, and get set to type the JOYI responses, having gotten 6 more from the post office this morning on the way to work, and JUST ready to start on those when he comes in at 7:30, bringing an Anacapa package of LAST Burrough's ("Dead Fingers Talk") and a consolation copy of what IS the last "Exterminator" that I have TWO versions of now!. phoning about an apartment on Remsen and Henry that we go to see for $300, very small, with a pullman kitchen he won't stand, and watch Arthur Clarke on TV 8-9 on "The Unexplained," and he comes across intelligent and NOT gay, deeper voice than I'd imagined, and then I phone Rolf, who talks a lot about the stock exchange today at 62,000,000 shares (mostly institutional, he says), and we leave 9:15 for a FABULOUS rijstaffel and my braised beef at Bali Rice Bowl, nicened by our killing a bottle of Widmer's before we leave, and stumble back at 10:30 for him to smoke and us to get into sex with him coming VERY nicely on my chest, and I don't feel like getting into myself, so we get to sleep at midnight, a new record, I think.

DIARY 12920

TUESDAY, APRIL 18. Dennis wakes in the night the same time I do and reaches over to my side, then to the back, then to the front to feel that I'm soft, and then his hand quickly retreats. I say nothing. Alarm rings at 7:15 and he lays for a bit, I feel NO sex-feelings at all, and he showers, I put out the cheesecake to warm up, make soft-boiled eggs for a change, good with parsley, and he likes the cheesecake even though the crust is sweating "like meringue," he notes. Bruce calls at 8:50, Dennis leaves about 9:05, Bruce hangs up, I put things away from last night, water plants, then decide to read the New Yorker interview of Clarke and the story by Pynchon, both pretty good, and file and update the last of the Burroughs books to be read, and then it's 11, I type a few pages, including the one about identification being the highest form of flattery that came to me while washing dishes and listening to "Jacques Brel" (see DIARY 12918) and then do lightwork from 12:40 to 1:40, feeling somewhat better about it at the end, I guess getting caught up for class tomorrow, and remember that I hadn't written a page I wanted to about death PUSHING one (see DIARY 12919), and then I went down for the mail and thankfully got my first issue of the Advocate, with my ad still in it, and I check to see that it should run through the first of June, anyway, leave word for Roger Englander to call, and then finish these 4 pages for the day by 1:55, not bad. Then I continue typing by starting to transcribe the JOYI answers at 2, and, interrupted only by Roger's calling back to make arrangements to come here on Tuesday next, by Dennis's calling from TKTS to say that I can go to "The King and I" cheap with them if I want, I continue typing 31 pages, something like 15,000 words, until I finish with some exhaustion and great delight by 10. Have the last of a rather gray hamburger while finishing reading the rather interesting "Tantra," and then simply tired enough to go to bed. I'd showered at 10, while the hamburger was cooking, to try to rid myself of the athlete's foot, which seems mainly gone, and the itchy asshole, which was going but now seems to be back, and don't even think of coming or reading before crawling into bed at 12:15, falling asleep even before I face my poles inward!

DIARY 12921

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 19. Wake without a trace of the sore shoulders I had at the end of typing so many hours yesterday at 7:40, and lay and doze until 8:15, when I rearrange the books to be read and find that I have "only" 225 to read, coming down from a previous maximum, even with all the "bargains" I picked up at Brentano's sale. Sit down to meditate on lightwork from 9, and things go very well: easy at the start, some processing at the end to make me feel that something's accomplished, and finish feeling great at 9:45. Then decide to treat myself to an onion omelet again, delicious, and put the dishes away and wash the lotion from my face and phone Dennis to set up the movies tonight, possibly, and even get this page out of the way by 10:40 am. Don't remember what I did before settling into the index marking from 11-12, when Bruce called and talked for a bit and I went down for the mail, and since there wasn't much there but the end of ANOTHER index, I got back to marking the first quarter of the book, up to page 160, in 160 minutes, finishing that from 12:15 to 1:45. Then typed 312 cards from 1:45 to 2:40, just in time for Rolf to call and fill my head about United States finances again (see DIARY 12922), and I had to get off the phone and type that page so that I could leave at 3:35 to subway to 96th Street fast enough to be able to have a slice of pizza before going in to the movies, starting with "The Big Combo," during which I had a rather unusual-for-me-now encounter in the back row (see DIARY 12923), and then Dennis joined me at 6:10 for Anita Ekberg in "Screaming Mimi," rather odd, and then I left at 7:25 and, since it was still raining, subwayed down to Actualism and sat in the lobby reading until 8, and then went up and asked a few questions and we got into a workshop which was AGAIN very activating (see DIARY 12924), and stayed around talking with Winston until 10:40, when I subwayed up to Dennis's and stopped to buy two bottles of wine, which filled up his last card-space, so I took it down and brought it home to type up for some kind of permanent reference (see DIARY 12925) for both of us. He had only a tiny bit of stuffed peppers but good blueberry pie with ice cream, and then he smoked and he came VERY quickly, since it was 1:05 when we started sex, and I worked away on myself, AT ALL TIMES QUITE LIMP, and managed to squirt out enough come to please him, and slept.

DIARY 12926

THURSDAY, APRIL 20. I wake before alarm and feel pretty awful, with the memory of the typical dream where I'm supposed to be in a play in three days but I haven't memorized the part yet, but am relieved to find it's only one speech right at the beginning of the act. Dennis gets up and comes back to play with his cock, and my getting into his tits turns him on to come, which he does, and then I lay commiserating with myself until 8:50, when I get up to eat his rice and scrambled eggs for breakfast and get out about 9:30 for him to go to the bank and me to buy white wine and groceries, spending all the money I have after my $12.94 for wine for Dennis last night, and meeting Mrs. Johnson who insists I'd look 20 years younger without a beard, but it's only her opinion, if I want it I should keep it. Home to get the mail at 10:25, early, and find I'd forgotten to send a check to S&S, and send them one check for TWO books, extraordinary how they can find things I've been looking for for 2 years (though Collier added recently). Read mail, talk to Don Maloof about his constant cold and desire to travel, phone Pope about Rolf's question just before he leaves for his smoking clinic, do lightwork from 12:25 to 1:05, and then decide to see what I have from World and Europe and Italy and box of stuff about Venice and environs, and come up with a neat little packet. Get to typing these pages, Dennis Silari calls that BL+2 is being sent tomorrow morning, stop for lunch about 3:30, and finish these 4 at 4:25, not even finished with the Actualism lesson sheet yet. Do that, then get to marking pages 161-258 from 4:40 to 6:10, which is 90 pages in 90 minutes, and then look at a few more things and shower at 6:30 and get onto a very slow moving subway at 7:20 and JUST get into my seat before the curtain goes up at 8:07 for the ABT's best program in ages (see DIARY 12927). Out at 10:20, forget to transcribe the seating plan as I'd wanted to, Dennis forgets his umbrella but it's down in the lost and found department already, and since it's coolish and windy we take the bus up to his place to buy half-and-half and I read his new New Yorker while he makes hamburger and spaghetti and we eat that while talking about the trip, and I push him too hard and he gets quite angry, so I sulk and finish part of his blueberry pie and we get into bed rather bumpily at 1 am, me not knowing how to convince him to PLAN his work and SEE if he wants to go and then GO to Venice.

DIARY 12929

FRIDAY, APRIL 21. Wake and AGAIN feel awful before I get out of bed at 8:30 to eat his breakfast of the rest of the hamburger and sauce, and I play and TELL him of the idea that a whole HALF-bottle of wine might be too much. He's still undecided about the trip, so I get home at 10:30, having stopped at the PO and picked up 9 new askers for JOYI. And then down for the mail and read through all that, including a 25th reunion notice from high school, and then Dennis calls and says he's NOT going to Venice, though he admits the decision was made "more in anger than from reason," and I phone Eli and he says they'd be FULL by the middle of next week, but he says we could change the name later if I had to, and we laugh about Dennis not WANTING to go to Venice. Talk to Don Maloof after I find that the hotel is off on a Lido somewhere, and he suggests we RENT A CAR, which is a great idea. I finish reading "Life and Adventures of Peter Wilkins," almost finished on the subway, and finally get to index at 11:55, taking out 10 minutes to talk to Don Maloof again when the guy says the reservations are IN, and mark to page 336 by 1:25, when Bruce calls and talks until 1:45, and then Rolf calls at 1:45 and talks till 3 (see DIARY 12928), and he can't afford a trip to Venice, but I should continue to keep him posted. Have lunch until 3:40, when Mrs. Johnson comes in to try to ream out the bathtub, but can't do it, and I start typing at 3:45 and type through until 5, doing 423 cards, which is good, but forgot to call Bob Rosinek back. Then get to these 3 pages for the day, and worry about getting out on time, by 6:27. Dressing and Mrs. Johnson rings to fix the tub, and I dash out leaving her there working with the guy. To FIT just at 7 and in to the auditorium filled 1/2 full with chanting laughing people, and find Bruce and Bill Param, and there's Dennis just across the aisle! Elizabeth Clare Prophet goes on from 7:25 to 11:35 (see DIARY 12930-12935), Dennis leaves about 9:30, Bill leaves, and we drive down to find Hiro's closed at 12, drive around DECAYED East Village, street ROTTING undertread, then to a couple of places in the West Village, all closing by 1, and he decides on Empire Diner, which is great, so we're up to 21st and 11th, or whatever, and he has chicken and I have carrot soup and an omelet for $5, quite filling, and the waiter's a camp and most of the clientele is gay and rather attentive to me, which I find attractive, and we talk and he drives me home, I forget my notes in his car, and get in at 2 and get to bed at 2:25 after cleaning teeth and putting lotion on face.

DIARY 12936

SATURDAY, APRIL 22. Wake at 9:20, feeling pretty good, and out of bed to start lightwork at 9:45, finishing at 10:30, and put phone back on to find that Rebekah and Pope called, so I phone Pope back and he tells me about his findings on the stock market, and he decides he'll call Rolf. Then Bruce decided not to go, so he's going to bring stuff to me at Wesak tonight, and I phone Dennis and he's willing to go to Saito with me, so we make plans for this evening, and at 12 I'm down to read the mail, and Don Maloof calls to say he's been VERY sick last night after an outing, so he doesn't think Venice would be good so quick, and I say that's good, since I haven't been working on the indexes as much as I should have, but I already called Actualism and made a make-up appointment for May 1. Then finish the mail by 1, decide to put on hamburger since I'm hungry, then scour the tub since Mrs. Johnson SEEMS to have fixed it, and then type this page by 1:30. Don't recall what I do after that, but I mark pages 337-456 on the Neurology index from 2-4, and then probably shower and get out about 4:45 to walk to the Lexington and get up to Grand Central and check that Saito is in fact open, and get in just at 5:26, finding Bruce pretty far back in the crowd, and I'd wondered at the cops on horseback outside, but there's some kind of anti-Communist rally at the UN. Session goes from 5:29 to 6:32, nothing really special with the somewhat more exciting Mary Bailey in her soft accent (see DIARY 12937) and I wait around a bit then get to Saito about 6:50 and think to sit outside but decide to sit INSIDE, in a small room, and Dennis phoned to say he'd be late but the message didn't get to me, and he comes in at 7:10 and we order sukiyaki and tempura for him and eel for me, but even two glasses of nice plum wine don't make it better, and it's about $33 for the whole meal, which is pretty bad for mediocre food, not even whipped egg in the sukiyaki, and the bean curd dessert was laughable. Though my bean curd soup was the best thing going flavor-wise for the start. Just miss the bus and decide to walk down, getting there at 9:15 to find the place full, so we stand on line until 9:35 for "Coma" in a circus, Dennis getting VERY annoyed with talkers all around us, and we're out at 11:30, liking movie, and even I had to admit that Genevieve Bujold wasn't bad in the part, and dash over to pay $5 for the Other End, sharing a table with Luke (cool hands) and Jamie, cute, for John Hiatt, a bizarre singer capitalizing on death and craziness, and Sonny Terry and Brownie McGhee, who were pleasant, but not worth the $5 for a half-Sangria that was mostly water and shouting audiences and faithful followers who liked everything they did whether it was particularly worth doing or not, and to Dennis's about 3 to fall exhausted into bed.

DIARY 12938

SUNDAY, APRIL 23. We're just starting to play when his folks phone at 10:30, so he talks to them for 10 minutes and then I've gotten nice and hard and he comes back and we both play and jerk off nicely in time for me to watch Camera Three, by Englander again, on Ruckus Manhattan by Red Grooms, and then he phoned Andrea and they're meeting at 1 to have brunch, so I leave at 12:15 after finishing the Times and bring the puzzles home to do on Monday. Get back and just leave everything scattered about to mark 457-640 from 1 to 3:15, since it's going so well, and then take five minutes off to drink water, then type 337-492, 351 cards, from 3:20 to 4:20, and I seem to be making good time, and then type 493-640 from 4:20-5:10, 308 cards, and take from 5:10 to 5:40 to sort to alpha the 1394 cards, and then do half the editing from 5:40 to 7:30, which is REALLY a kick, and then at 7:40 Dennis calls to say that he and Andrea had a fabulous day at the Guggenheim and they loved Cristo's depiction in the Maysles' film "Running Fence," and they enjoyed the dinner and talk, and she said that he SHOULD go to Venice, but said that he should at least check at work on Monday, so it looks like we MIGHT be going, though I can't be sure. Then I continue editing from 7:50 to 9:50, finishing the editing even to the removing of the clips, and then I start typing, putting on hamburger to eat SOMETHING today besides water, and then stop at 10:45 to watch a Monty Python that I'd seen before, and then quickly shut off TV before I get hooked into watching "The Prisoner," and get back thinking to type maybe half the final index, then go from 11 to 11:30 to 12 and I don't feel like STOPPING, and once in there I get up to wash my face and brush my teeth, and even to do a little lightwork to let things release from my shoulders, which are typically sore from the 12:20 hour day that I finish at 1:50, typing the entire 62 pages in 3-3/4 hours with an average of OVER 16/hour, which feels great, and I probably try to do some lightwork before I fall asleep, but I probably only form hierarchy and zonk out, lotion on my face, setting the alarm for 7:30 so that I can finish everything before my 11 am surgery tomorrow.

DIARY 12939

MONDAY, APRIL 24. Alarm jolts me awake at 7:30 but I'm feeling pretty good anyway, and get to proofreading the whole thing, which takes about an hour, 7:40-8:50, and then shower and make some scrambled eggs for breakfast and feel VERY good about getting the whole thing done. Phone Dennis and he says Andrea has to talk to Rodney, so they won't know until this afternoon, and I phone Terry to say that I'll be in at 1, and she's delighted, and I leave at 10:35, fearing to be late, but the subway pulls RIGHT in and goes up to 72nd and I'm in JUST on time, the three teachers floating around the room, and we go into the bird-nipping room at 11:10 to chat about my week, which gets me very choked up, and I have a POWERFUL start to the session and a calm ending (see DIARY 12940), rather early at 12:20, but he waits until 12:30 to come back and I tell him about Venice and he says "No WONDER you have no time," and I marvel at the green fuzz on all the trees in Central Park and get down to 6th and 42nd and walk up to Terry, who has to let me in, and she likes my cartoons and I xerox for ABOUT 45 minutes: 3 copies of each cartoon "ALSO knows the secret of life" and "You're an adult," 40 and 45 copies of the JOYI write-up to hold me off until NEXT index-bringing-in, and ALL the Teilhard de Chardin LAST book "Letters from Egypt," and then give her a brief intro to Actualism, too, and out about 2:30 to return the book to the library and back home feeling GREAT with the things that I've done, and then sit down and finish reading "Indian Art" to get THAT out of the way, and I'd picked up three artichokes just on a lark from the subway shop, and cooked one and had that and the last of the cheesecake and then toast with peanut butter and the last of the cream cheese, do BOTH puzzles from 4:15-4:45 (puns) and till about 6 for the other, harder one. Then watered plants and phoned Arnie, who said we should meet at the subway at 7 for the Tahiti, and then type two pages of the Elizabeth Clare Prophet thing, Dennis not having gotten his answer yet, but I figure he might be going. Shower and meet Arnie at 7, getting to Carnegie Hall at 7:30, waiting for a cheap ticket, and I finally buy a $6.50 ticket for $3, he buys $4.50, but leaves at intermission, it wasn't so great (see DIARY 12941). Out at 10:10 and buy a bottle of Madeira and have that, talking to him about my great day, and he makes hamburger and cucumbers (separately) and then he seems to be tired and I know I'M quite tired, so we just go to bed about 1, delighted to SLEEP.

DIARY 12942

TUESDAY, APRIL 25. Fell AWFUL again in the morning, and I blame it on the Rainwater Madeira at 18% alcohol compared with the 10% of the other bottles, and again wonder if I shouldn't cut down CONSIDERABLY. He makes BLACK fried eggs in the cast-iron pan, which are pretty bad since "Don't you think you cook them too fast?" "No, I think the gas was too high." Um. Out at 9:15 when he seems to be lingering for his singing lesson, and beat the mail home, getting started on the BL+2 index at 10:15 and working till 11:30, when Bruce calls for 10 minutes, then go straight through from 11:40 to 4:05, marking, having called Dennis Sillari and finding that the last pages WILL be wrong because he has no copy of the final dummy (dummy!), and then Dennis calls to say Rodney sent forth the message "Dennis, to Venice," and he's getting delighted with it. I'M supposed to phone Eli and pay him, but I fume about that and don't, finishing up the index at 4:30, at 237 lines over 50% over the 144 asked for, so I suggest how to squeeze it in, and then dust everything, getting a call back from Dennis telling him to come to dinner, and vacuum by 6 pm, feeling good about it, putting on the ribs to roast while I take a quick shower, scouring the bathroom sink (and leaving the cleanser for all to see on the hamper!), and then put on the water to boil for the artichokes at 6:15, when I put on the Hoisin sauce for basting the ribs, and the water boils at 6:25 and Dennis comes in at 6:45 and I read some of his Jukebox article that he wants me to critique, we have the delicious artichokes with lemon-butter sauce, and then the ribs, sadly, at 7:15 aren't QUITE crisp or done enough, but we eat them anyway, and I'd washed the dishes before hand, too, and we're reading his paper when the buzzer rings at 8:30 and it's Paul Bosten and Danny, who'd called about an hour ago and said they wanted to stroll for the evening, and they came HERE, which was nice for filling in the quiet spaces with Roger Englander, who seemed to enjoy it, and I'd made oranges-strawberries (that Dennis brought) in Sambuca and cinnamon for a dessert that they liked, and they finished the Bermuda Gold, I opened the Galliano, they talked until 10:30, Dennis worked till 11:30, when I put things away and transplanted the pot, taking down the Lego building to make room for it on the windowsill (and Mrs. Gray says the next morning: "I see you have little plants in your window now"), and at 12 we get into sex VERY slowly, but he KEEPS at it, working on his own tits, until he comes, sitting on my cock as I push it under his ass, almost getting the idea that I could get INTO that, and he shoots down so that my cock is BATHED in his come, and I whack and whack and whack completely soft and almost hating everything about it, coming, and bed at 1:15.

DIARY 12943

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 26. Alarm rings at 7:30 and we're both up fairly quickly, me to look at the grass to see that none have become completely discouraged by the transplanting, he to shower. I turn on the gas for pancakes, finish critiquing his jukebox article, and I have molasses which isn't the best, so I cut it with the sweeter maple syrup, and cut up the strawberries in the rest of the old half-and-half for dessert, just to give him his gift back. He goes off to work about 9:10 and I wash dishes again, just to clear them away, and decide to phone Azak to ask him if he knows any place special in Venice, and he says "I'll kill you, can I go too?" So I phone Eli again (he said earlier that I can pay him in cash tomorrow) and he says there's room for Azak AND a friend, if he wishes, so I phone him back, but by this time it's 10:40, so I leave and read Holzer on the subway and get to 630 Fifth Avenue to pick up nice Italian maps and brochures (though she says I MUST have an International Driver's License), then down to 1 and up to 6 to get the BERMUDA folders that I lost somewhere, just to complete my files, and get to Harper and Row to a disgruntled Dennis Sillari at 11:40, but he says my suggestions will ALL be taken and I feel that I've DONE the job, and get back JUST at 12:01 to Morton's after Linda and Don and I get together in Susan's office, after she goes to the bank, leaving at 12:20, time just going, and I keep talking about going to Italy. Lunch is rather rushed, and I have a bloody mary that they give back to me instead of leaving a tip at the end, which delights me no end, and we're 3 down to Barnes and Noble to shop for more books, me picking up "Primitive Erotic Art" by the now ubiquitous Rawson, and a Michelin of Italy which I read when I get home, reading the mail, phoning AAA and finding what I need for a license, phoning Azak and Eli again to take care of his last-second panics, and then shower and type this by 6 pm. Then continue with three other pages until 6:25, when I leave, again just getting the train, which takes me to Actualism JUST at 7, to next-to-last chair in men's session, which goes till 9:10 (see DIARY 12944), and Bruce wants to show me a coffee house he likes, and we go to the doll-stuffed place Ruelle's, Columbus and 74-76(?), with the stove out front, where I ask for chicken-vegetable after HE wants the eggplant-lemon which I ordered first, and I get the cream of spinach by mistake, with mushrooms, which is just GREAT. Pocket the cheese and we chat about diets and getting activated and my not liking anal sex, and he drives me to Dennis's at 10, where he's just about to put on lasagna, which turns out fabulous, but we have a long talk about the trip that almost leads me to want to cancel it (see DIARY 12945). Bed sexless at 1, I just feeling PUSHED and WEARY OF PUSHING.

DIARY 12948

THURSDAY, APRIL 27. I wake VERY early and sort of lay there, non-thinking, possibly even enjoying just BEING, doing nothing, until the alarm rang and Dennis went to put on coffee and then came back to bed and we cuddled and kissed and I got VERY disgusted with his CATERING to my wishes (see DIARY 12949), but he came up and I came up and we both jerked off rather nicely, and then I sat and marked 36 pages from 8-8:30 while he showered and shaved and made breakfast of scrambled eggs and cucumbers and orange juice, and we talked more about the trip and plans for this evening, and we left about 9:10 and I rode to Borough Hall to pick up more JOYI mail and withdrew $1600 (after stopping at the Statler Hilton and paying $3 for an international driver's license with my last two passport pictures, just a year before my PASSPORT runs out) and get in to phone Arnie at 10:45 and get out with the two laundries at 11 and two liquor stores don't have Bermuda Gold, but one will pay $8.82, get the minimum 12% markup of $1.06 for $9.90, rather than the 35% retail markup of $3.09 for a price of $11.91. I don't tell them to order it for me. To Arnie's to get five books on Italy for borrowing, then back at 12 to pick up mail and read another huge entry from A.A. Collins, then put on hamburger at 1:15 and eat at 1:45, putting on pork roast at 2, reading Prophet stuff 2:30-3:30, shutting it off at 4:30, phoning Eli to have him say Dennis can give him the $600 tomorrow lunch, I should get the itinerary then, Nora Comerer who says she guesses my letters were OK and I should get my check any day, Barbara Bullied who was sorry she didn't get back to me, but she'll call tomorrow AM, call Azak who SAYS he understands that Dennis and I might want to be romantically alone on the trip, and I type up diary pages to catch up at last, including last night's pages about why I push (see DIARY 12946) and today's page about old age stopping my pushing (see DIARY 12947) and this for 12 at 5:50 pm. Decide that I MUST get the JOYI letters out, so I get out those folders and send out 19 more of those letters, deciding to send a bill to the single JOY/S applicant, and that whole thing takes until 7:20, so there's no time to shower, and get out early to "Agnes deMille's Conversations on Dance" (see DIARY 12952), which everyone moves down on and Dennis doesn't care for. Get out about 10:30, but then we walk down to 42nd through crowds, the express just DOESN'T come, and we get to Brooklyn Heights about midnight, I buy eggs across the street, and I put the stuff in the oven and take a quick shower and make peas and make a good "Frozen daiquiri" that used lime, vodka, and honey. He's VERY tired and we crawl into bed about 1:15 to sleep.

DIARY 12953

FRIDAY, APRIL 28. Wake before the alarm with the memory of a dream (see DIARY 12951) and then he turns off alarm and falls back to sleep, but I still cuddle and he protests, but he's VERY hard and jamming it down my throat, so he comes and then I come quickly after him, and he groans that he'll have to say he's working at the library, and DOES get the William's quote about "jukin" from Dictionary of American Slang that he'd wanted from me. I make a good onion-ham-egg omelet with 3 eggs, perfect, finish the orange juice, finish reading his draft of jukeboxes, which is QUITE good, then he phones Eli and arranges to give him $600 at 5:30, Barbara Bullied calls to say that she'll be sending me the index, and I get to typing, going down for the mail at 10:30 when he leaves and get the brochure from IW, but it doesn't give hotels OR departure times, but there's a STACK of other mail: Phoenix and Soho and Advocate that takes a LONG time to read, and I'm back to typing about 12, disgusted to be so late, and (MUST get in that quote from some evening: I let much less than I'd like---to get rid of the slip) finish 5 pages by 12:20. Then I phone Arnie and he's home, so I take over the tickets, chat for a bit, showing him the extra packages in the trip, and then walk across to pick up my laundry and a quart of rum, bringing them back and putting them away, and then decide that I want to write to Edward Moulton-Barrett and Edgardo Caverzasi and Franco Sernagiotto, so I DO, and then address some queries to The Fourth Way and write Mom a letter and send her a birthday gift for $30, and THEN decide that there's no way around MAILING them then, finding no more letters in Box 1031, then back to phone Dennis about tonight, and we're seeing Nikolais, meeting at 7:40, and I wonder about all this ACTIVITY and wonder if it's not connected to flying (see DIARY 12954) and put on hamburger and have dinner finishing "World of Ancient China" and STARTING "New Model of the Universe" while typing these two MORE pages, and lo and behold it's 5:10 pm already! Work from 5:10 to 7:10 on the index, marking pages 37-124, going slow and with great effort, and then I'm out on subway to Beacon at 7:40 to buy two tickets for $1 with TDF, he arrives, and we climb to tacky balcony for a fun but not-to-be-seen-again program (see DIARY 12955) which is thankfully out early at 10:10 so that we can walk home, buy a $3 bottle of wine that I wait for cooling while he goes home to warm up the lasagna, and I get there to let him shower, then I shower, then the meal is ready, very good again, and I've read the last of his jukebox article, quite good, and he smokes and I talk about Janet, saying "I'm afraid I can't appreciate her, WHOEVER she thinks she is," and he likes it so much he goes for a pen and card so I can write it down. He gets into his cock, comes nicely, but I'm tired and we're sleeping at 1.

DIARY 12956

SATURDAY, APRIL 29. Wake and try to do lightwork, but it doesn't work, no more than it worked last night when I tried to stay awake and didn't; at least this morning I got to the two plexi in the lifebelt, but then Dennis woke and we cuddled and he got semi-hard, but then said we should get up, and he voted it after 9:15 and I said before, and it was 9:45, so he got up and got so involved in making the fabulous home fries that he even forgot his coffee, I finished two old New Yorkers, then we decided to give Janet's a try, I left at 11, rode home to get lots of junk mail, phoned Rolf on his 8th day of a diet to talk of stocks and the new St. Marks and my trip to Venice, and Janet's not answering the phone, so I phone Dennis and get ready to get most of the index finished and type these two pages by 12:40, having watered plants. Then mark 125-203 from 12:40-1:50, type 1-102 from 1:50-2:45, mark 204-310 from 2:45-4:35, typed 103-204 from 4:35-5:25, and marked 311-328 from 5:55-6:15, after I took a bath and in there finally found out (talked to Bruce for 5 minutes, too) that Janet would accept, with duress, Dennis's coming, so he made the cheery no-name pie, I got there at 7 to find it still browning, and we left about 7:30, watching "Scared to Death," truly horrid, on TV. Walk to her nice apartment, and only Maureen and Kathy (very silent) and Janet's friend Kitty and her son Michael, and a very quiet (except with Dennis) Meg, but then Michael and Dorothy came in and warmed things up, Malcolm saddened me by announcing that he was moving to California to teach acting because 3 years was enough to be in a soap here, and Kathy said she might move out, too (Malcolm said July, when we'd be going into second advanced, too), and Maureen kept us all in stitches with her laments and awakenings and falling-back-to-sleeps. The turkey was fabulous, Meg's carrots were interesting, Dorothy's broccoli nice, Dennis's cherries a real hit, and everyone ended up enjoying him a lot, and Maureen and Marilyn had brought booze, which we drank along with her apple juice, and her turkey was just fine and rice was nice, and LOTS of desserts, including a late-arriving Richard's cheesecake from Junior's, and we left at 12 to get back to Dennis's with a newspaper and read it until 1, then fall into bed sexless, trying to do lightwork but falling asleep immediately.