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1978 4 of 10

DIARY 12957

SUNDAY, APRIL 30. Set the clock an hour ahead, and when I try to change my watch the STEM pulls right out! DAMMIT! Wake just at 10, and he gets out of bed to make coffee and I get to the newspaper and we start the day, I watch the fairy tales, pretty awful, on Camera Three, we watch Colleen Dewhurst on Beverly Sill's program, and I leave at 12, taking the TV section and the puzzles with me, having done the rest of the reading, and I get back home at 12:50 to mark 329-407 until 2, when I watch "Professional Foul" on TV by Stoppard (see DIARY 12958), which is fairly exacting, and then from 3:30-3:35 finish marking the 418 pages with GREAT relief, then from 3:35-4:40 type the rest of the cards, 796 in all, then from 4:40-8 do all the editing, being left with 737 cards and figuring 1/3 will give me a final total of 983, hoping for 1000, and I come very close with 960. Take time out to watch some of the diving competition on TV, then type all 39 pages from 8:15-10:45, just when Dennis comes in, and I've put on the pork to warm up, and the last of the peas, and we have the last of the wine while I watch "The Prisoner," where Number Six tries and succeeds to drive Number Two wild, just through regular perversity, and I was delighted to read that the Village is really a PLACE: Portmeiron in Wales, and I looked in both EB atlases and couldn't find it anywhere. Delighted that the index took in everything just a little less time than I'd planned it, and even though it was a rough one, with little to distinguish entries, I feel I did a good job. Dennis looked over the Italian folders and got excited about the trip, and I'd gotten up in the morning to make a list of things that I wanted to do on Monday, and kept adding to it through the day, so with one thing and another I had little time to think of the impending flight. Drank lots of wine with dinner, Dennis got into grass while I cleaned up a bit, then showered, and then he got into his cock and I settled on a nice line of patter than got him right off, and he said "You know, you really are incredible sex," making me feel quite good. Then we went to sleep at 1:40, not setting the alarm until 9, figuring we'd need all the sleep we could get for tomorrow night.

DIARY 12960

MONDAY, MAY 1. Wake bright and early at 6, trying to do lightwork, and lo, DENNIS is awake at 630, so I get up after we chat a bit, and he doesn't seem to be getting into sex, and I proofread from 7:10 to 8:15, finishing up some of the bookkeeping details, and then put on his lasagna and some onion-salt on muffins for eating breakfast after we talk about it for a long time, since he brought over two pork chops and lasagna to get rid of last night. Then he left about 9:30 and I sat down to lightwork from 9:35 to 10:15, feeling VERY conscious of the impending flight, the worst time yet, and then dressed and left at 10:30 to just miss a train but get there anyway for a nice session (see DIARY 12959), leaving about 12:15 and walking down along a windy, cool, but still beautiful park to 57th and over to the Hammer Gallery to find the Neiman drawing IS of Schwarzenegger, but he wants about $2000 even for SERIOGRAPHS, signed, so it's a bit much. Looked into Coliseum Books and Marboro books (taken over Horn and Hardart's on 57th they have) to find if they have any travel books, and then saw the excavation where the IBM building was and will be for the first time, then to 666 to go to 6th floor for the Alitalia cards for museums, buying 3, then down to 630 to find the Barclay's line long, so I'm up to Italian office again to get even MORE stuff this time, then down to start a new line and get 5 100s and 10 50s in quick time, then down to drop off the index, talk a long time to Terry about my past, IBM, and travels and Columbia, and get 46 more copies of the JOYI stuff, feeling good. Then buy sunglasses, walk down to get my watch looked at, and they'll only charge $5, and give me a replacement, then I take the Lex, get my glasses fixed bad so I have to fix them good, check and find 4 JOYI things, then home at 4 to call Azak to find that the plane's scheduled off at 1 am, call Dennis and Arnie, then read mail and wash dishes and invite Azak over for dinner and shower and type these 4 pages to catch up to date at 7:55, having put on dinner already for 8. Dennis buzzes just then, Azak a few minutes after, with cheese, and I start packing between making dinner and pouring wine for everyone, and Azak is out

DIARY 12983

WEDNESDAY, MAY 10. Wake during the dark, then doze again and Dennis wakes at 5:45, both feeling not like going back to sleep, so we turn on the light and get into cock and he gets the poppers and we both come quickly, getting out of bed at 6:45. I get right to the stack of mail as he begins to shower and shave, and I finish that just about 8, when he's wanting breakfast, after having gone out to buy half-and-half, since the milk was sour, and I cut up two large onions and have a fabulous onion omelet for breakfast, which he find very good, even finishing all the bread and the last of the muffin and wanting more. He leaves at 9 and goes home to take his stuff back, and I get to the Times, reading all of that and doing the puzzle fairly quickly, and just feel good going through the day back in my apartment. Listen to the phone messages and phone Don Maloof, who's misunderstood SOMETHING if he's still calling about going to Venice, and then Arnold called at 11 and we spoke to 12, me being SO bored with his arguments that I agree with everything that he says, which leads him to say I sound somewhat gray, so I admit that we didn't do as much THIS vacation as in Paris, and there WERE disappointments in the trip. Then got back to more articles in the Times, just wasting time now, and phone Pope and talk to him from 12:45 to 1:15, and he's not got much to say, and then open the index from Barbara Bullied and look at that from 12:20-12:50, between times, and talked to Rolf, who finished an 11-day fast when we were away, from 1:20-1:40, and leave word with Susan, phone Terry, who gives me TWO indexes to do, and Dennis Sillari calls back with details about HIS index, so I have 4 to do! Get Cosco film and watch it twice and COME fabulously. Make lunch of beans that the guy's left with syrup, the rest of Azak's cheese, while getting back into Ouspensky, rather interesting, and then put stuff away from the trip, wash socks so I have something to wear, phone Azak to chat and get bill for last Caribbean, Bill Wolf comes over for poppers and gives me the address for his resume, and then I shower and shave and get to typing a piece of one page to keep up with the diary, having nothing done on it yet, and watch a bit of Sci-Fi on TV from 7:30 to 7:45 and get to Actualism at 8:15 to have an unconscious session (see DIARY 12984), then up to Dennis's at 11, with a bottle of wine which he's hoped I'd bring, watch O'Leary and Boyd and Socarides and Bryant's PR man battle on Cavett's program, have his corn-pepper-noodle dish with lovely braised endive, good wine, but I've gotten VERY tired so barely tolerate him as he smokes and poppers and comes, I dry off, we drop off to sleep with music at 1 am.

DIARY 12985

THURSDAY, MAY 11. Wake early and HAVE to go to the john, and it's 5:20, and then back to sleep, up about 7, and doze until the alarm rings at 7:15, and I just can't seem to get into lightwork, not even into Dennis, and he gets up to shower and shave and I (not shave, he's growing a beard since the last two days in Venice, and it seems to make him look thinner, but it's not possible to say how it'll be) read the latest New Yorker, pretty well deciding that Barthelme's gone out of my reading interest, and leave at 8:45, feeling rather distanced from Dennis, getting off at Court to pick up 11 JOYI letters, deposit checks and mail Chicago check, buy toothpaste and shampoo and vodka and meat and groceries, but then so loaded I don't pick up the laundry. Home at 10:30, get the mail (which turned out to be from yesterday), read all of it, put things away, type out the last 13 labels I have from the 165 I started with, pay some bills, then type the special Actualism page, having typed the last one only yesterday, and then type Bill Wolf's resume, and then sort through Italian stuff to take things back to Arnie, looking through his Venetian buildings book for the first and last time, make a list of things to do tomorrow, the buzzer rings with my "Tom's A-Cold" from Collier, leaving me with only Sheckley and Sturgeon with two books that I want from, and ALSO yesterday I got the Cosco film, today sent out another request to be added to a mailing list, figured I have to send out a renewal of the JOYI ad soon, had lunch of tuna and the last of his shells and some of the yogurt, then got back to talk to Dennis about Riverside Church tonight when I got all the things-to-do pile back in order, HIP in at last, valid Monday, and type these two pages to catch up with THIS side of the diary by 4:15, now to notes! End up typing 12 pages, more than halfway through trip-diary, and stop in the middle to shower and wash my hair and then leave for Riverside at 6:40, getting to Columbia at 7:30, having a nutted cheese at Chock Full, up at 7:50 to find Dennis waiting, and Martha Graham's in the Peter Sparling and Dancers tacky performance (see DIARY 12986). Out at 10:05, thankfully, and walk down to buy wine and have the rest of the Monterey (jack) soufflé, he smokes, and we get stoned on wine and grass and he gets into his cock SO much that I grab it and steer him into spasms of pleasure all over his waist, and then get to work on my hard cock and come off very nicely too, though it's so sore on the bottom that I get into the bathroom to wash it so it'll dry healed in the morning, and drop off to sleep about 1 am, not early!

DIARY 12987

FRIDAY, MAY 12. Again wake at 6:40 to piss, then lay in bed until 7:30, again finding it impossible to do lightwork, and he puts on coffee and comes out semi-hard to cuddle and get into his hard cock AGAIN, and we're playing with each other and he gets the popper and stands above me and we really get into jerking off and he shoots all over me and then keeps playing as I jet and jet and jet all over myself in little dots, and jump into the shower to quickly wash off. Then go through Smithsonians while he makes black-dotted eggs in the cast-iron pan and we have a long talk about them, then leave at 9:20 for him to go to his lesson and me to subway home, reading enough of "Shu Ching" to get to the last ten pages, which I finish at home after I again get off at Court Street, deposit the $1500 check from McGraw-Hill, buy 300 vitamin E of 200IU cheaper than 250 E previously, 5 sheets of labels, a typewriter ribbon down the block when BOTH have no three-hole paper, and finally buy 500 sheets for $8.24, probably a new high, at the shop on Montague and Hicks, picking up the laundry, and getting home at 10:30 to put everything away, read all the mail, look at the index from Raven, the poster from Warren Beatty's "Heaven Can Wait," and then get to the rest of the transcription of the trip diary from DIARY 12961-12980, including the songs from the flight (see DIARY 12981) and the trip summary (see DIARY 12982). Then catch up on this for 14 pages for day by 2:45. Decide to postpone the Advocate ad renewal to see if they send a discount notice for renewal, and a couple of week's wait will get more new customers anyway---and I'll get a chance to see what any tail-off effect might be, too. Then get stuff together to send to the Science-Fiction workshop and write a letter to them, using my new typewriter ribbon, which is neat. Have half a pizza for lunch, and then get down to marking the BL+6 index completely from 4 pm to 8:40, not bad at all, and then just wash my face and shave and leave to get to the Tree party about 9:30, JUST as Dennis, who went to buy new clothes for it, comes in too, but it's not as nice as the first one (see DIARY 12988). We leave surprisingly late at 1:15, he waits at the BMT with me for awhile while I read, ignoring him, and I guess he gets pissed, because, red-eyed from grass, he says he's just going to go home. I look at him and say "OK" and he goes off. Home about 1:50, wash, and decide I just HAVE to do lightwork so I sit in the chair from 2-3 and do it, maybe dozing off for a second, but by then I feel so completely tired that I don't play the film as planned, just drop off to sleep.

DIARY 12981
5/12/78

SONGS FROM VENICE FLIGHT

1. I want to live, live, live, live, live---and when I try---
I want to laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh---until I cry.
I want to sing, sing, sing, sing, sing---until I sigh;
I want to live and laugh and sing until I die.

2. All around me constantly / People lose so easily / So I try to let them see
They can be as gay as me. / In and out of life we go / Puppets in a shadow show.
How I wish that they could know / As above, so here below. / Great cycles swing up in the skies / Small circles run before your eyes / One man's born, another dies / Time stands still, it's you that flies.

3. Life is a ball---crystal clear / reflecting nothing at all---nothing dear. / Polish the glass---until it glows! / Love all your life---until it goes. / Life is a box---holding boxes---holding nothing at all. / Life is a mirror---revealing mirrors---revealing nothing at all. / Songs are a thread---running through life / Then cut the thread, here is a knife.

4. Silhouettes---slices of life / Mere memories, struggles and strife. / Turn on the light, make them go 'way. / And don't come back, another day.

5. Paint the mask that masks the face / That wears a smile to hide the rage / That sears the laugh that takes its place / So true love can take center stage.

6. Idiots delight / In playing games that have no end / Imbeciles applaud / The friend who never has a friend. / Wise men always say / When they're feeling wise / A singer never changes / Anyone / Yet he always tries.

7. QUICK: Say it now, don't delay / Don't you wait, another day / Tomorrow may dawn / Without you. / Then what can you say?

8. Write it down quick before you forget it / It will go away, if only you let it / Capture it NOW / Before it leaves / Time and age and tears are Thieves / When love goes you'll find it leaves / NOTHING.

9. Be very careful what you wear / Be wary how you wave your hair.
If you don't follow fashion, dear / You're nowhere, nowhere, nowhere! Hear?

10. Go to church on Sunday / Say your prayers on Monday / Tuesday take it easy / Wednesday take it sleazy (drunk) / Live like hell on Thursday (barking) / Whoop it up on Friday (manic) / Feel so bad on Saturday / You say / You will / Go to church on Sunday.

11. Fight it all the way / To get it JUST the way it is. / Struggle all your days / In many, many ways / Twist and turn it all about / Scream and rant and rave and shout / But what it is, it stays and stays and never, never, never goes away.

12. Clouds / Marching into sunset / Hair / Blown behind their heads / Marching / Right into the setting sun / And never / never / never moving an inch.

DIARY 12989

SATURDAY, MAY 13. Wake at 9:10, not that much sleep, but I'm determined to use the time with lightwork, remembering strangely that I only did the CVA last night and not the lifebelt, so I do the lifebelt until almost exactly 10:10, wandering a bit, and then put on the Erotikus film and run it through for straight timing, to count and tally the number of orgasms (19 in all!), to find how long it runs through the sexy section at slow motion (just a little over twice as long, and I thought it was MUCH more slowed than that), and then finally come rather copiously at about 11:30. Decide not to go to Ondeko-za tonight and get some WORK done, and go to phone Dennis but find I have no dial tone. Type a couple of pages and have the rest of the pizza, and the phone's still not on, so I go over to Arnie's with the books, get no answer, and Pope lets me in, so we chat, he lets me into Arnie's, I phone myself and get a ring but no message (though exasperatingly I'd forgotten whether I left the machine on or not, which I HAD left on), and phone Dennis, who says he thinks he may have a hangover, and say I won't be coming over, and report the phone as not working and get back at 2:20, ready for WORK! Type the cards for the BL+6 index from 2:20 to 4:05, then edit from 4:05 to 5:15, pretty good for 485 cards, then type the index from 5:15 to 7:20, rather liking the specialness of not being bothered by the telephone at all, and then proofread and finish things up with that from 7:20 to 8:20, feeling good to get ONE of the four out of the way, and at a rate of $32/hour! Then into the mood of working I get out the Receptor Binding Studies quickie from Raven, and mark the 152 pages from 8:20 to 10:30, rather nicely ignoring the sound of the crazy lady upstairs tromping around and playing music. Then out for the Times, UGLY people outside---"Who are you lookin' at?" "I'm not lookin' at YOU, there's nothing there to look at!"---and read through lots of it and start on the puzzles, getting most of the crossword and only a bit of the double crostic, but at 12:45 I'm feeling quite tired, so I wash my face and put on the lotion and crawl into bed at 1, not even recovered enough from the movies this morning to THINK about jerking off.

DIARY 12990

SUNDAY, MAY 14. Wake after 9, so I must have been tired to sleep more than 8 hours, and finish the puzzles by 10:10, feeling good about doing the more-than-usually difficult double crostic without too much outside help, and then figure I MUST do lightwork, so I sit and do it then, with tuna casserole on low cook, and Pope disturbs me at 10:30 by bringing a note from the telephone company saying they'll be here between 8 and 5 on Monday---so when do I deliver the indexes? Finish the second lifebelt at 10:50, not feeling that things are going smoothly as they might, and then watch the incredibly self-indulgent Elizabeth Swados talking with a barely-unlaughing Margaret Corydon about her desires to do "something creative" with members of some symphony orchestra and creating "something entirely new for adolescents" in the perfectly "Hair"-like "Runaways." Then start watching Ronald Reagan on "Face the Nation" but he's such a bore I shut it off at 11:50 and type up all 303 cards for "Receptor Binding Studies" by 12:50, then edit from 12:50-1:55, feeling great about the timing, then type from 1:55-2:55 and end it from 2:55-3:35, which even allowing an hour for delivery comes in under my $22/hour rate, which is fabulous. Then STILL into work, so I mark half the Critical Care manual from 3:40-6:25, getting lots of lines, but by that time I AM tired. It's been raining hard through the day, so it feels good to be working, and at LAST she goes out upstairs after thumping around ALL day, but I'm seeming to MIND it less and less---even the newly-noisy cat. Had put on the Cornish hen with Hoisin sauce and basted it, then put on peas to help defrost the refrigerator, which smells, and eat dinner while watching the Channel 13 auction, which draws me in very slowly, but draws me in nevertheless. Then watch "Erotikus" again and come while quite soft, dammit, and still cock-sore. Read some of Ouspensky before 9, then remember that I wanted to tape the WNYC simulcast of the von Karajan "Verdi Requiem" and they babble about their fundraising until 9:15, which gives me time to put on the tape, and listen with great pleasure with earphones until 10:40, and then disconnect the answering machine since he might be here as early as 8 am, then read some more until tired enough to go to bed at 12:45 again, early, putting stuff on face again, wondering if it's worth the extreme oiliness through the day.

DIARY 12991

MONDAY, MAY 15. (Forgot to record the awful dream about the loose incisor in some restaurant, and then bite down on something and spit out a whole HANDFUL of pearly-white tooth chunks, which is a mystery because exploring with my tongue I can only feel the actual filling that I'm now missing---dream that I had YESTERDAY morning). Wake about 8 and out of bed quickly by 8:05 to completely fix up the apartment, including wiping out the toilet bowl, which seems to be getting pinker faster, and am just about to get to something along the line of work when the phone man rings at 9:05, comes up to find things are fine through here, goes down to 175 Hicks and stays so long that I put on hamburger and have breakfast and start on diary when he comes back and says he'll have it back by 1 pm. I go toward Mrs. Johnson's to phone and John's coming up the steps, so I call Dennis Sillari and Raven Press from his place, admiring his "Indian" bedspread of "The Tree of Life" for $10 from a mail-order place, thank him (after he reminds me) for taping the door lock so it doesn't shriek when we use it, and show him the flower he helped bring out on the purple non-Purple Passion plant. Finish 2 pages by 11:05 EARLY. Then want to phone Actualism so I try the phone and it IS working, so I leave word for Winston (who calls at 1:30 and says he's ALL booked up this week and I take his NEXT FREE SLOT, 2:30 next Monday, wondering vaguely why he doesn't want whatever he's doing at 2:30 TODAY to be repeated NEXT week), phone Pope to thank him, phone Arnie and talk for a long time, and he tells me about movies I want to see tomorrow, and then get to typing 437 cards from 12:40-2:15, and since I need MORE I start marking and then go back and type 80 MORE cards from the first half, then mark up to page 246 from 2:15-4:15, and then down for the mail, nothing, Rolf calls and discusses Freeport Minerals so thoroughly that I type a page on it (see DIARY 12992), then I think I do lightwork for about 40 minutes, and shower, and heat and eat the rest of the tuna casserole for lunch, and then back to marking from 6:30 to 8:35 for a HUGE number of cards on pages 247-358, then to Dennis's crazily getting out of the STATION at 72nd!, buying two bottles of white wine, he has FABULOUS chicken-in-scotch and a GREAT cool yogurt-sour-cream-green-cucumber salad, and a GREAT sour-milk-rotten-avocado bread, and we discuss his page on "Bob and I' at length (see DIARY 12995) then we get to bed after he'd been smoking and he comes VERY copiously all OVER me, and I'm hard and he's sucking on me avidly, but I just don't feel like coming, so we're to bed at 1 am again.

DIARY 12996

TUESDAY, MAY 16. Wake at 7:06, as the radio says in its 5 seconds on, and he comes back and we cuddle and both get hard and I stand over him and jerk off in white splotches all over the bed as he really gets off on it and comes on his own belly, and I lay down to ream the last drops from it and we both feel rather exhausted this early in the day. I lay and get through some reasonable amount of lightwork before it's 8:45 and he calls me for a breakfast of eggs in the small pan, looks at the metal pan to find that he's scraped MOST of it out but there are STILL black-flexible-particles left on some places at the bottom (he'd asked Richard, his singing teacher, about it, and he said that it HAD to be scrubbed), and we're feeling better toward each other. Out at 9:45 and get off at 42nd to walk up to Raven at 10, then continue up to Harper at 10:15 to find Susan in, so we chat for a bit and I leave the index for Nick Falletta, who comes in at 10:30, and I'd stopped off to get a $999 folder and timetable from Pan Am (2, one for Azak, too), and pass Iran Air and pick up folders on Teheran and Shiraz, and then there's the Iranian Handicrafts in Susan's building! We talk until 10:30, then I'm out to MOMA to find no line, so across to Donnell to look at their exhibits of subway maps, and the NEW one has STREETS on it, which is nice! Then into MOMA for some gallery-visiting and three VERY variable movies for an interesting day until 4:30 (see DIARY 12997), and then out in the rain to get off at Clark Street in NO rain, so I'm up to the PO, get more names for JOYI, buy a gallon of Bravo white wine for Dennis for $3.50, pick up my blue jeans at the Chinese laundry with thankfully no trouble, and home to get lots of mail, which I read, then, hungry, sauté onions and bacon and hamburger and put in mushroom soup and eat dinner, drinking lots of rather good wine, wash dishes, drunk, phoned Theo, who called and said he'd call me back (called him at work the next day and he wasn't in, maybe he's sick?), and Arnie who reminded me that "Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" was on at 8, so since I'd been debating going to the baths or seeing "Allegro Non Troppo," THIS was the alternative, and I watched the UGLY, SCREAMING MERMAN-MANIC MOVIE until 11, then watched John Gardner, surely old for his hippy-blond hair, on Dick Cavett until 11:30, then tiredly kept eating yogurt and drinking booze, and brushed my teeth and put lotion on my face and crawled into bed exhausted-feeling at 11:50, early!

DIARY 12999

WEDNESDAY, MAY 17. Wake at 7:15 and doze until 9, then up to start putting things away from yesterday, get into The Advocate and read about "The Advocate Experience" and decide to send my name in to them, and other articles, and then in putting away the Pan Am stuff read through the Iran Air brochures and come up with a WEST-TO-EAST preference (FASTER!) for the trip. That takes me to 11, and I phone Sophie Prebydkentski from ACC for another index, phone Theo to find he's not working today, phone Dennis to find that Art's thing is OK Friday and tonight is OK, too, down for more nothing mail, decide to do lightwork from 1-1:40, feeling pretty flat during it (see DIARY 12993), and then expand a bit on the fantasies of being published that came to me this morning (see DIARY 12994) and that I'd taken notes on, and then remembered in time to type a page about my dream of diamonds today (see DIARY 12998), and then type this page by 3:40, 7 for today, but still doing NOTHING! Put things away and get typing the rest of the cards for Critical Care from 3:55 to 5:35, adding 552 cards, which is OK but not great, and I'll have to hope for a 40% turnover rate, which I don't expect. But close? Then shower and shave and wash my hair and start editing from 6:45-7:40, and then leave for Actualism, bunch of loud-mouthed kids in the station AND on the train, and get to Actualism to find that Malcolm's apartment had been ripped off on Friday and everyone reported SEEING uglies that they'd never noticed before. The session was an intermediate one (see DIARY 13000), and get out at 10 to buy more wine and get to Dennis's at 10:30 where he's cooking onions farci, which means stuffed, with the pea soup that was so tasty but rather thin before, and it's thicker today, but not much. I read his notebook for Venice and we have an argument and then a LONG talk about our relationship, and there's going to be some hard thinking ahead (see DIARY 13001). I get into bed at 12:45 and we lay for about 20 minutes before talking, and then he reaches over his hand on me and I break the silence, as I'd vowed to myself I wouldn't. We talk until about 1:30 or 2, but feel better about it, much closer, and fall asleep to wake up feeling exhausted 5.5 hours later.

DIARY 13002

 

THURSDAY, MAY 18. Alarm goes at 7:30 and I feel dragged out; he gets up and makes coffee and showers and I'm up at 8:30 and in to chat softly about nothing much. Good breakfast and we leave about 9:15 and I get home to find no messages and get to finish the editing on the index from 10:10 to 12:40, finishing in 3:25 what I'd planned OPTIMISTICALLY for 4 hours, but hope the 991 remaining cards will somehow balloon to around 1400 with the 35 character/line shortness and the large number of subheadings. Then start on diary pages and leave at 1:25 to meet Arnie at the subway for the tour of the Federal Reserve, seeing a slide show on the building at 1:50, starting the tour at 2, leaving the building at 3 pm exactly after spending about 10 minutes in the art gallery, and the DISTANCE from the subject is impressive (see DIARY 13003). Look at a bookshop with nothing, subway home, phone Dennis who talks about last night (see DIARY 13001), finish these 3 by 4:15. Decide I have to eat and warm up the hamburger casserole and don't even finish all of it, but I'm feeling full with just over half of it. Shower and get out at 7 (what I do between I don't know) for the ballet, getting there early and wandering around the plazas looking at the late-blooming azaleas in reds and whites and pinks interspersed for vibrant color against the light greens of the foliage, and he's there about 7:40 and we're out to walk around some more, listening to the pleas of people who want tickets to see the last of Baryshnikov at ABT. The program has a lot of repeats (see DIARY 13004) and Dennis is bored again by "Les Sylphides," and during the three shortish intermissions we correct his paper on jazz collection, which is pretty good to start with, but the evening isn't over until 11, and we subway to my place to find Uncle Chu's closed already, so we get to my place and I put on the last of the hamburger for Dennis, making one last set of frozen daiquiris so I can empty the refrigerator of THAT, and have a muffin to keep him company, and he likes it, but there's no dessert, so we have more liquors and he gets into his cock and we get into bed for him to come on my chest with great gusto, but I say I want to wait for the morning, and we get to sleep about 1 am, quite late, which may explain our tiredness.

DIARY 13005

FRIDAY, MAY 19. Alarm at 7:30 gets us started, and even though he says he has to work, he comes and stays until I come too, and then he's up to shower while I sauté bacon and onions and make five eggs and the last of the peas from the freezer and start defrosting the refrigerator at last, and we eat so much that both of us don't feel like having lunch. I put things away and get back to finish editing from 10:10 to 1:20, taking only 3.25 out of the planned 4 hours for the 1000 cards---no, did that yesterday, today I TYPED the final 53 pages in 3 hours for 17 pages/hour, taking some little time out to finish defrosting the fridge, and then I proofread from 1:20 to 2:40, finishing re-alphabetizing, and then finish up the rest of the bookkeeping from 2:40-3:00, having called Barbara and said I'd be in about 4:45, and then take a shower and wash my hair until about 3:45, and then call Don Richardson and chat until 4:05, and he's going out to the Island next weekend and has stopped seeing his latest flame, but he says he has another one, and MAY have invited me to visit him for a day IF I'd pushed, but I said the beach wasn't my favorite place in the world, and he was embarrassed by not remembering that I'd been to Venice. Then out and get to the Flatiron Building, surprised in the 89 heat, to walk around the terrace on top of it, delightful place, and get a promise of another index, though they don't do many books per year, and Joan Ann IS starting to work for them in two weeks. Then walk down to 8th and buy 5 books from my list from the Wise 25% off place, after not finding them at the 30% place, which is sort of a come-on for the usual trash, and then I have fish and chips at Arthur Treacher's from 5:55-6:30, when I subway up to meet Dennis at Carnegie Hall (Art called this morning to say he's canceling his program because he has a cold, and I mentioned it to John, and he said he'd LOVE to talk to Art about performing on a ship) for "Wages of Fear" but there's a sign saying 24 minutes have been cut, so we wander to 42nd to find no movies and walk down to the Quad for "Allegro Non Troppo" and "Betty Boop Scandals" until 11, both interesting (see DIARY 13006), but Dennis is DYING in the heat, I'm not hungry, so we go home separate ways and I start reading "Slapstick" until 1 am, falling asleep, and don't succeed in doing very much lightwork before I fall asleep about 1:30.

DIARY 13007

SATURDAY, MAY 20. I'm not out of bed until 11, and then Norman calls for poppers and I add up the accounts on that, wash dishes 11:30-12, then down for the mail, reading that, and Dennis calls at 1:15 to say that he's bought a filing cabinet and needs help on 23rd Street, so I pack up for the evening and get to 23rd at 1:50, we grab a checker and get it up to his place, and I've decided to see "Julia" at 4, so I get him out of the apartment at 2:30 and we're down to Columbus to find someplace to eat, and just around the corner is Jackson Hole, which he says has fabulous hamburgers, so we go there and I have a VERY drippy Kaluba Burger with onions and tomato and cheese and ham, and he has one with bacon and ham and cheese which is less drippy, but they're both $2.35 and with 40 for my egg cream and his coffee, the bill is over $6. Then to buy him the right center-cut file folders and I walk down Columbus to marvel at the people out in the just-90 weather, smells starting already, and buy hoi-sin sauce and sit in the park until just 3:50, then over to pay $3 for "Julia," very prettily photographed and nicely evocative of a time, but hardly a STORY" at all, until her "help" is requested, and that doesn't seem part of it much, but John Glover does a very nice Bruce-Dernish bit as Sammy, and Dennis had to remind me AGAIN that the "Mrs. Campbell" was Dorothy Parker in the movie. Out about 6 and phone Avi, who invites me to 133 W. 75th with his former roommate sexy Ronald (?), his upstairs neighbor Don (?) sexy in shorts, and someone from two buildings down, quite quiet, and we sit and chat until 7 about his coop, pleasant, and then we're out to the Cherry for a good chicken cordon bleu with zucchini and bean salad and he has teriyaki and we chat and cruise and then I get to the subway at 8 to decide I really NEEDN'T see the bodybuilding show, since I have a slight headache anyway, so I tell the black across the way to put out his cigarette, and he DOES, and get home to buy Times and read it all, working both puzzles until about 1, by which time I'm dying from lack of sleep, but lay in bed from 1:15 until 2:15 determined to get through lightwork, dozing between, and get to sleep feeling that I just MUST get some work done sometime, because time's FLYING!

DIARY 13009

SUNDAY, MAY 21. Wake at 10:10 and out of bed and take stuff off face by 10:30 and sit down for 30 minutes of lightwork until 11, when I watch the 25th anniversary of Camera Three with Carl Sagan talking of the Pioneer probes and the record on the last one, and then watch Abe Young (or whoever) from the UN, but he doesn't mention being born again, until 12, and then I phone Rolf and talk about Asbestos, which is up to 1 3/4 now, and talk about opening a gay restaurant or bar, or buying into a gay coop for $35,000. Then out at 1 to see the Atlanta Contemporary Dance Company (see DIARY 13008), having time to stop off for another nutted cheese at Chock Full beforehand, and it's not bad (not the nutted cheese nor the ballet company), and get out in time to dash for the subway and dash down to 58th Street JUST in time for the opening credits to "Madame Rosa" and it's a real heart-tugger with a cute Algerian kid and a sagging Simone Signoret, and a noisy audience that EVERYONE ends up shushing. Out at 6 and try calling Dennis, but get no answer, and get home at 6:50 to make a quick plate of eggs and watch the Swedish Royal Command Circus with good old Sally Yokoi that I'd seen in the Kabuki dinner-theater in Tokyo 15 years ago, until 8, then play my message to find that Dennis has called, and I tried calling him at 8 and at 9, but he's just not there, so I catch up with these 6 pages by 9:35 and ready to get to DIARY sorting! Do that through 10:45, since I seem to have seen the Monty Python from 10:30 to 11, and it's a nice quantity to do: 8 months from September 12 to May 17. Then watch "The Prisoner," and he was right, they DO get flakier: this one was McGooghan against "the NEW Number 2" which has him KILLING him when he won't properly regress to childhood, and it ends with the rather startling "I'll take you to number one" by the bald-Peter Sellers-type. Want to watch it on Monday just to see the last one---and HAVE to phone the repairman because this RETURN just isn't working right! Then have the rest of the souring half-and-half, and have a glass of souring milk with two or three jiggers of Crème de Cacao just to get it down, and watch "The Animals Nobody Loves," which I'd seen before but am too lazy to turn off until 12:40, then put lotion on face and do another half-hour of lightwork from 1 to 1:30, getting to bed exhausted as usual.

DIARY 13010

MONDAY, MAY 22. Wake at a time, don't even look at the clock, and when I do I find it's 10, another 8 hours sleep for no good reason, and I get up to wash my face off and make the bed and do lightwork from 10:309-11:25 and leave word with Dennis to call me after calling Theo and getting a VERY vague "I'll call you later," and then make tuna casserole and get into the shower to wash my hair nicely with some DECENT shampoo for a change, and then eat lunch, go down for the mail and get two gay catalogs for Rolf's film-buying, and type this page, "ready for the day" at 12:55, sorry about Actualism's time. Type a few volumes of contents from the diary pages and leave for Actualism at 1:45, getting in at 2:30 and starting with Winston about 2:40 and getting to session at 3, lasting until 4:10 (see DIARY 13011). Then down to phone Dennis and he wants to see "Annie Hall" this evening, and I remember it was at 6:40 on Friday, so I walk into the park and enjoy the sun and cruising and NOT the dirt and noise and awful people, then stroll through the zoo, look at the Strand Bookshop kiosk on Fifth and 59th, then down to check the schedule of the Festival and find it IS 6:40, and wander looking for something to do and find the Arica entrance. Up and get brochures and they're having a free psychocalesthenics class at 6, so I participate (see DIARY 13013) to 6:35, then down and meet Dennis in the almost empty theater for a disappointing film: it's just like the OTHER Allen films: lots of one-liners, unbelievably silly and stupid people, lots of ridiculous situations, and some funny lines (masturbation is with someone I love very much; sneezing into the cocaine), but if THIS is the picture of the year, one WONDERS how it won. Stroll up through the park again, through the freeway-cruising grounds near the Museum of Natural History, and get artichokes and groceries, cook, eat nicely, have mediocre wine for lots of money, chat, and he smokes and gets into his cock and he comes SO much that I can't resist using it on my cock and bring myself off nicely, but we're to bed about 1:30, with lots of wine, so that when we wake the next morning we definitely feel as if we haven't gotten enough sleep and haven't spent the wisest evening previously in order to DO so successfully.

DIARY 13014

TUESDAY, MAY 23. Alarm goes and we're both VERY exhausted, and he mopes around getting ready and I get up at 8:45 to find my eggs on the plate already. More of his older bread, and I look through New Yorkers until he's ready to leave about 9:20, and I'm feeling hemmed in already. Get to Brooklyn and pick up only ONE new letter for JOYI, and then decide it's a good time to get a haircut, so I get to the empty shop and get it quite short, including too much off the beard, for $3 with a $1 tip, and home after getting a load of groceries and picking up the mail, one of which is the questionnaire from Washington, and though it's only for couples LIVING TOGETHER I still fill it out because it gives such good information, and I hope Dennis fills it out too. Bruce calls and talks for a long time about my progress and lack of it, and then Arnie calls, gets interrupted by a call from Theo, who wants to prepare dinner for only Arnie on Friday, and then he calls back and we talk for about 1.5 hours in all, and I type 4 pages by 2:40!! Get back to the task of sorting out the diary pages, typing pages of contents, finding there are THREE new volume names that I have to make up, and it takes long, takes long, and I do it and do it until it's 10 pm and I've finished all except typing out the three new labels, and the woman upstairs comes home, so I don't want to start her out, so I put on the hamburger and take a shower and decide that I feel good enough to try the new St. Marks this evening, so I shave and put things away and eat hamburger until 11 and get out to the BMT to find the rail-pounder coming through very slowly on the Manhattan-bound track, so I transfer to the Lexington, which comes rather quickly, so I get to the St. Marks, feeling mildly stoned from the wine with dinner, at 11:40, get a locker for $5.75 with a $2 key deposit which leaves me with $2.25 in case I want a snack, and the evening isn't the most exciting in the world (see DIARY 13015) but I manage to stretch out the time so that I check out at 2:30, having wanted to give it AT LEAST two hours, and get an RR schedule which doesn't work: was supposed to be there at 2:40, but I got there at 2:38 and the train didn't come until 2:58, so I'd just missed one. Not bad carload for that hour, home to gentle shower, making the Heights smell good, and home to take out contacts and wash face and put phone-bell off and get into bed at 3:30, having done some rudimentary lightwork on the subway going.

DIARY 13016

WEDNESDAY, MAY 24. Wake at 9:30 to noises upstairs, surprised they've let me sleep this long, and then put in earplugs and sleep until about 10:15, then up, dress, down to put out the postage-due 11 from Habitation Leclerc but the mailman's come already, lots of dance stuff, and then type the three labels and update the number of pages of the diary and finish with that completely before starting on the diary, and then at 11:45 the buzzer goes and it's the repairman. I put on hamburger and sort through "Shorter Fiction" to come up with about 6 ideas for rewriting should the science-fiction class come through, and he leaves at 12:30 and I have hamburger, then mail the postcard from Toledo to Eddie and decide to put away the Italian stuff at last, stuffing the box in the closet and expanding the Italy-box into the Portugal-Morocco box, phone for optometrist on 6/1 through HIP, and then get back to typing diary, finding that tabs 47, 53, and 55 flop back into place automatically ANYWAY. Finish 2 pages by 2 pm, late! Then mark pages 29-92 until 2:55, decide I want to type to see how many cards I have for the Endocrine Control in Neoplasia, and there are only 288, so what I thought was a LOT has to be INCREASED, if anything---3 lines/page makes 1100 lines for a 367-page book. Type to 3:55, then mark 93-111 until 4:20, when I phone Dennis to make sure tonight's OK, then sit down and do a fairly thorough lightwork from 4:30 to 5:10, since we're getting a new energy tonight, and then put on tuna casserole and shower and have an ear of corn, and then (before that) mark pages 112-157 from 5:30-6:15 and THEN get ready to go, eating first and then showering, and leave at 7:30 and get there to find Kathy and Elliott missing, and everyone's wearing red, and that's what we have. I get bodily sensations and report first (see DIARY 13017), much to everyone's delight, and we're out early, at 10, and I zip up to Dennis's with the umbrella down even though it's raining, and he's made GREAT chicken and honey, but with rosewater that doesn't quite come across, and he's cut down his avocado plant ALL the way, thinking he was "pruning" it, and he's crushed, poor guy. Food is good with rice, and then custard with rose petals scattered for dessert, not very good wine, and then he smokes and we both come and get to sleep about 1:30, very tired.

DIARY 13018

THURSDAY, MAY 25. Wake at 7:06 radio announcement on Radio 76, and I feel JUST AWFUL from the poor wine last night, just DON'T feel like doing anything, and poor Dennis tries to be supportive, but we have the last of the tapioca bread with his soft-boiled eggs, and the poor guy didn't know to put the eggs in cold water so they'd stop cooking, so they were hard, and we left about 9:30, he moaning about how late he was, and I got home and got the urge to read, so I finished "Slapstick," and then did about an hour's lightwork, feeling pretty good afterward, since it seemed to do away with some of the headachy-hungover feeling, but I just didn't feel like getting to any work, and I found myself picking up "Amateurs" and reading it all the way through and FINISHING it by about 1, feeling pretty good that it's raining and fairly quiet in the apartment, though upstairs she just WON'T leave, and I put "Amateurs" back into the stack and pick up "Marry Me" (and only later do I think how silly it is that sitting HOME I read the neat easy-to-carry paperbacks that would slip into a pocket, leaving the huge tomes to carry around on the subway), and in the middle get rather hungry, so I put on the tuna casserole and have some of that, reading all the time, and I go down for the mail and read that at another point, and then I finish reading THAT about 8, feeling rather stuffed with reading, not to mention hungry, so I put on some hamburger and eat that, and then at 9 decide that I'd better do SOME work, so I mark pages 158-186 from 9-9:35, then type 320 cards (and thank goodness the PINK cards have aged well into soft-edged cards that are easy to tear, as opposed to the impossibly stiff GREEN cards which are now finished with) from 9:35-10:30, and then from 10:30-12 mark pages 187-290, for a pretty good rate, and Angie Milo called from Springer to say that she's only budgeted $200 for the index (she'd better learn FAST), but I say I'll do a quick-and-dirty one, and then by midnight I'm feeling tired enough to get to bed. I'd started reading an intricate "Autumn of the Patriarch" but went to bed feeling like reading more and started John's essays, taking notes on a card, getting to sleep at 1:15, lotioned, feeling GOOD about having spent a day the way I wanted to spend it, for a change. HA!

DIARY 13020

FRIDAY, MAY 26. Wake at 9:45, AGAIN surprised that I seem to be sleeping longer than 8 hours and not seeming to get enough, and I wash my face from the lotion and sit right down at 10:10 to lightwork, being somewhat strange with it and going through until 11:20 with it, and then put on hamburger for breakfast and reading "New Model of the Universe" and getting so many ideas that I sit down and write about my new agnosticism (see DIARY 13019), for the only page of the day, since I dip into "Spacetime Physics" to see what that says about things, recount the books on the shelves and move around the last bit so that authors who've only written three books aren't part of an artificial "six-book author" (like Kant-Hegel or Aurobindo-Boehme-Woodruffe, whom I find IS Arthur Avalon), and then look through "Serpent Power" and finally get over about 4 to water John's plants, dripping on his bed, looking through his porno and liking some of it for about a half an hour, and getting the mail and getting involved in lots of it, and it's been so chilly today that I've gotten out a sweater to wear, which I take off to stand on my head for about 30 seconds, in two attempts, because it feels so awful, and then I manage to get through 10 pushups and situps and one pullup because I just HAVE to get back into some kind of shape, since I don't seem to be going below 160 pounds with NO amount of cutting down on foods, and then Arnie called a few times the past few days, and today about 2 Theo calls and accepts going to Hunam's Plum, so I phone Dennis and tell him about it, talk to Art and he's not gotten "King of Hearts" so he's going away on a "Guys and Dolls" and others tour for the entire summer after he flies back from London about 6/11-12, and phone Nick Falletta who says I should call on Wednesday about the last BL+ index, and then I shower and leave at 5:30, meeting Arnie at the subway, and it goes fast so he gets to Theo's at 6:15 and to Hunam Plum at 6:30, Dennis is last, and the food is GOOD but not GREAT, and with three drinks the bill is $36, a bit much without soup and with desserts for halvsies only, but the champagne chicken was mild and tasty, the 4 flavors beef the worst of the lot, the shrimp/chicken tasty, and the ham/ shrimp/ egg white/ mushroom/ chicken like the rest, and the drinks were quite mild and NOT that tasty. Then out at 8 to "Company" not bad when it got started (see DIARY 13021) and to Dennis's for custard and Apricot Liquor and he asks what I FEEL LIKE and I say "Nothing," thinking he asked what I felt like DOING, and no wonder he's somewhat puzzled. He smokes, gets into his cock, I get hard, we both tease each other with 7-6-5-4-3-2-1, he comes, I come, and it's 2:15 when we finish: WHEW! Sleep!

DIARY 13026

SATURDAY, MAY 27. Wake at 9:30 feeling even worse than ever, and poor Dennis wants to get into cock but I don't say a word to him, he gets up and puts on coffee, comes back and lays next to me, and I still don't say a word, and then he gets up to drink coffee and I get up saying I feel just dreadful and not hungry, so I'm going home. Out and don't even read on the way home, and read the mail, then start lightwork at 11:50, having phoned Joan Ann from the subway station and getting no answer, since I've got this feeling I want a body session. Phone Michael at 11 and he says Dorothy will call me back later, and then take 20 minutes out during the lightwork to phone Dennis to apologize and Joan Ann who says she's busy, and then continue through with lightwork until 1:30, having seemed to have needed 80 minutes for it, and then put on hamburger and read more of Ouspensky and had gotten images during lightwork that I put down as "coming alive" (see DIARY 13022-13024), which I type then, stand on head for ONE minute and exercise at 12, feeling BETTER about it, and finally get to typing pages for the diary catch-up when Dorothy calls at 3:10 and I say I'll be there at 4:15, trying to phone Theo to see if he's available, but no one answers, and I shower and get out at 3:30 and get there at 4:10 and get right on the table for a productive session (see DIARY 13025) and leave at 6 to phone Theo, who's just gotten rid of Arnie, so he's not receiving, and try getting Don Maloof's number, but for some reason they don't have it, so I walk down to 79th and no one answers the bell, so I subway home and change clothes and type the last of the 9 pages I type today by 9:05, having thrown away the est folders and files and put scrapbook stuff in "To be filed" just to get RID of stuff from the drawer, and now ready for the Times. Go out to get it, but decide that I should type the cards, so I put on the tuna and type 216 cards from pages 187-290 from 9:20-9:55, and then eat dinner while skimming the magazines, then finish both puzzles, then finish the Times at 1:15, and I'm just clearing final things at the desk when Dennis calls to say he won't be over tonight, so I put on the lotion and get to bed to lie on my back and feel cramped and ached and exhausted from a good day, and get to sleep about 1:45, having crawled into bed at 1:35.

DIARY 13029

SUNDAY, MAY 28. Wake at 9:50, just over 8 hours again, and lay until 10, when I get up to wash off the lotion, fix place up, shit with an article in the Times, water my plants, and then watch Clara Blackmore, who's ruined the magic of the Theremin by insisting that it should be played ONLY like a violin and NOT like a science-fiction sound-effect creation, and Robert Sherman is her nephew and Nadia Reisenberg is her sister, Sherman's mother, and Moog sounds VERY nervous as he talks, even though he's MADE the silly film. Then watch Beverly Silly (isn't that MARVELOUS) Sills making herself silly in front of Peter Ustinov, until 12, when I phone Dennis, who called at 10:50 to say he'd read the article in the travel section that COULD have been written by me about traveling companions, and water John's plants (oh, exercised before, but couldn't stand on head more than 90 seconds) and type 4 to 1:30 pm. Then mark pages 291-367 from 1:30 to 2:25, type the 163 cards from 2:25 to 2:55, and then sort the 987 cards into a-z order from 2:55 to 3:15. It seems I must have had some eggs for breakfast and showered in there, too. Then out at 3:20 for the subway to 42nd Street and blaring loudspeakers for some religious speaker on 8th and 42nd, and down to the Nat Horne Theater at 3:45 to pick up two tickets and sit out in the sun watching them swim in the Manhattan Plaza pool until Dennis arrives, and "The Phantom of the Opera" isn't bad at all (see DIARY 13030) and we're out at 4:10 and he talks to his acquaintance Eve Marlowe (wondering if it's a stage name) and we walk down 9th and find the Italian place filled with a private party, across to the Oriental Philippine Restaurant about 38th, which is pretty awful, and down to the Market Diner on 35th for Boston cream pie for dessert, and I manage to talk Dennis into coming to the Dime-a-Dance Company at ATL, which we dash for by 7:50, but it's not full and the company's interesting, but not the best (see DIARY 13031). Out at 9:50 and home to make orange crushes in the blender and he fills out the questionnaire and I watch Monty Python. He tells me of the Steve Reich, Philip Glass concert tomorrow on WKCR and I phone for their schedule for "Drumming" and he smokes and I drink more wine and we have sex, both coming, and get to sleep about 2:15, AND watched the last chapter of "The Prisoner," where he's SENT away in glory for remaining an INDIVIDUAL!

DIARY 13032

MONDAY, MAY 29. Wake about 10 and try to do lightwork, but Dennis is up and he says he wants to GET up, so I put on the radio and start taping, and he starts going through the stack of Sohos and New Yorks I have for him, and then we compare questionnaire answers, interesting. I get to editing from 11:25-11:50, assuming there was no mail, and then put on the tape for "Drumming" and make breakfast of bacon and fried eggs for Dennis, with an ear of corn each for vegetable, and then I continue editing between taping and listening to interviews with Steve Reich, and Dennis wants to play and comes at 1, taping about 5 hours of stuff of Steve Reich, fabulous, and deciding not to go to Avi's, which Dennis doesn't mind, since he wasn't dying to go and wasn't THAT interested in the movie double-feature, either, and "A Brief Vacation" and "Black and White in Color" will surely be around again anyway. Avi calls the next day in disappointment, saying Arno and Joe Easter were asking for me, and why didn't I call. Dennis said he thought I should have too. But I edit in the meantime from 1:50 to 5:05, then stop to listen to the interviews, then back at 6 when Dennis returns from his walk, and then he takes a nap and I make brownies and roast a rump roast that turns out tough, and finish the last of Rita's pickles, which were fabulous, and have peas and carrots, and I make chocolate frosting for the brownies with half of Dennis's half-and-half, and I continue taping after we eat, watching "Welfare" until we get tired of it, watching fragments of the Bob Hope 75th birthday celebration with greetings from Queen Elizabeth, tribute by Liz Taylor, and Ex-President Ford and Mrs. Carter are in the theater watching him, and it's really a grand affair. That goes off at 11 and I get Dennis to smoke and I put on the film, and he gets hot with it, and we're drinking Bacardi and wine, muchly drunk, and then I run the film slow-speed and he gets INTO it, working on his cock and not able to stop until he shoots, and though I'm feeling quite good, I don't come, and he drifts off to sound sleep at 12:15, setting the alarm for 7:15, and I try to start on lightwork but drift off to sleep before finishing. Also exercised for the fourth straight day while he was walking, feeling better at last.

DIARY 13034

TUESDAY, MAY 30. Alarm rings and though I EXPECT to feel awful from a hangover, I don't, so I'm up while he's showering and catching up the list of taped stuff to date, and I have to TYPE them soon, and have french toast for breakfast with the last of the bacon, then I wash dishes while checking to see that reel 4, almost 20 years old, still plays quite well, and finish all the dishes at last, get a call from Avi, phone Dennis to check with him, phone Terry to find she's working and has ANOTHER index for me to do all ready, and I type these 5 pages, including this morning's dream about flooding and getting VERY angry with Mom (see DIARY 13033) by 11:30 am, decent. Then down for the mail for the both of us and read that, and then get to typing the pages from 12:10 to 4:15, and then dash out with the finished stuff to get there at 4:50, in lots of street and sidewalk traffic, so it's not a good idea to go this late, and she and Laura Kosden butter me up to take a 226-page book on "Aging in Muscles" that had its index "lost in the mail," and I say I'll have it by Friday, xeroxing some sheets to larger formats so they won't be such a headache in the notebooks, but somehow missing one in the shuffle. Home at 6 and sit down to look at it, then decide to get started, so from 6 to 7:30 I mark pages 1-100, as "half" as I can get, then type 164 cards from 7:30 to 8, so I have to mark more, then mark 101-226 from 8-9:30, getting what I hope to be a lot, and from 9:30 to 10:20 I type 282 cards, which isn't bad, and then from 10:20-11:50 I edit the 446 cards down to 402 cards, which isn't bad, and then I've had NOTHING to eat since the french-toast breakfast, so I toast some bread and cut some nice pieces of roast beef and have some brownies, but my RIGHT teeth are beginning to hurt now, so I'll HAVE to do something about them soon. Then sit down about 12:50 to do lightwork, and intend to work longer, but I'm not seeming to get much done, so I get to bed about 1:30, too tired even to put stuff on my face, only putting water by the bed, since the current warm evenings have me waking up somewhat parched, and only talked with Dennis during the evening to commiserate with myself for staying home, and he's filing his travel stuff now. Worked 10:25 today!

DIARY 13035

WEDNESDAY, MAY 31. Wake about 10, or actually 9:30, with a call from Barbara Bullied from Springer who says that she has ANOTHER index waiting for me when I finish THIS one, and I'm beginning to feel piled-upon. Then phone Laura Kosden and she calls the editor and gets back to me that the EDITOR doesn't know what the corrections should be, and I go up another notch in her estimate when she appears to agree that I'm right. We chat again, and I move around to the apartments watering plants, I hope for the last time, and then go down for the mail and go through that, sad to see that the Science-Fiction writing workshop isn't being held because of too-few entrants, but that my writing is good and I should "persevere." Thanks! Then type the pages for the index from 11:25 to 12:50, stretching it out to 23 pages, which is nice, and then from 12:50 to 1:35 I finish up the rest of everything, and then put on the last of the roast beef to heat and eat, and I take a shower and wash my hair and get out about 2:40 to get up to the Thalia for the end of a short in red on Count Basie, lousy people in the last row, and the fat black next to me jerks off the guy next to him, and "Out of the Past" is a nest-of-vipers film where I don't CARE what happens to Robert Mitchum falling in and out of love with Jane Greer, with cute Jimmie Norris, or whoever, as the deaf-mute, and then "Nightmare Alley" is more interesting with Robert Taylor as someone WITH powers who used them the wrong way and got all messed up with the wrong people and became a Geek in a carnival as he'd hated in the beginning. To the john to find Dennis just coming in right then, and stand under the Symphony marquee while it slows raining, then down to buy three cheap bottles of champagne for the party, getting there a little before 8, first, and Michael, Dorothy, me, Faye, Malcolm, Meg, Tony (who says that Richard (Dickie) Boynge's lover Chester is his secretary for a permanent ménage a trois, with Dickie screaming at Joan to keep her from her "natural" mezzo-soprano voice), Maureen, Richard, and Janet, who's moving to California and Oregon at the end of June, share chicken and red wine and red zinger tea and stir-fried vegetables, salads, sprouts, cheese-tofu cakes, and lots of silly conversation until I leave at 10:50 and walk north quickly to get to Dennis, who'd jerked off someone in the last row, and he's into grass already so we get to playing, I tell him about the details of the day, and we get into bed where I feel VERY sleepy and be with him when he comes very nicely, but he's even stopped pestering me to come, so we roll over to sleep at 1 am, nicely.

DIARY 13037

THURSDAY, JUNE 1. Wake with memory of a dream of jet planes (see DIARY 13036) and then the alarm rings later, and he's up to put on coffee and comes back to jerk off again, and I'm up at 8:30 for his zucchini and scrambled eggs and bacon and muffin and juice and finish at 9 to get to Pierrepont at 9:40 and sit until 11 (he said he called my name twice) for an optometrist's exam that says I need BIFOCALS or reading glasses, and that's too bad. Over to pick up a slew of letters from my box, buy lots of 2 stamps for the change to 15 postage, and home about 11:45 to phone Arnie and talk to him before he leaves for California from 6/2-17, get a message from Mark about getting him a ticket for Wednesday's ABT, and a call from Blue Flettrick, whom Arnie says is a manipulator of free-service people, so I just tell him that I want to take the training and will talk with him ONCE in July, if he wants, and crazily Heidi from est calls just then! Then put up the three macramé potholders from Rita at last, but don't fill them yet, and then nail down the stepladder to stop it from shaking, make lunch of tuna and noodles which I eat finishing New York and more of Ouspensky, and then sit down to type 3 pages to catch up to date before the movies at 3:20. Out to "Arabian Nights," which has Sabu see the attack on Haroun-al-Raschid, played as usual by Jon Hall, so his brother Leif Erickson can be Caliph, and both love Maria Montez, a real blank, and Sabu smilingly comes between them at the end after Thomas Gomez has had fun as a woman. "Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves" has Kugalu Khan, or someone, taking over Baghdad while the young king is separated from his affianced, Maria Montez, guarded by Andy Devine, and leads the 40 thieves, with a wild sword dance, Sinbad trying to tell about his tales, and Aladdin keeping rubbing every lamp. No action at ALL. Out at 7:10 and subway to the Met in plenty of time, Dennis's watch slow gets us in at 8, and the evening's somewhat interesting (see DIARY 13038). Out about 11 and he's asked "What's for dinner," so that's good, and we get to my place where I shower and warm the tuna casserole and make a load of Brandy Alexanders with cognac, strong, so Dennis falls asleep and I get out to watch a very emotionally sobby "Houston, We've Got a Problem" that I miss the ending of for watching to see that "Madeleine" is adjudged innocent of poisoning by the jury, and she only smiles enigmatically when she's asked "DID you do it?" Bed exhausted about 2 am.

DIARY 13

FRIDAY, JUNE 2. Wake with the alarm and we both seem to have hangovers, so there's no sex again and Dennis drags himself out of bed. I make my seasoned omelet with the peas and carrots, and he's helped me put in the air conditioner, since it seemed to be overly humid last night, so the stuff from the closet is all over the place, and when he leaves I take lots of time to cut pieces of wood to keep the LOWER window in place, but then realize that anyone could lower the UPPER window easily! Sit and stare at the junk from the closet, wanting to throw things away but NOT wanting to, fearing I'll need a box of "just that size," and then move the movies into a different box that fits them better, and finally get a HOLD of myself and put the stuff away, go the bank and pick up laundry and hangers and think to buy reading glasses for $50 and soap and brandy and $2.59/lb hamburger and BRAINS and groceries, but by that time the day's mostly gone, and I decide that I'll go to Petite Marmite myself after seeing "What the Butler Saw" and call Dennis at work at 5, and he calls back at 5:30, and I've had only the rest of the tuna casserole for ANYTHING to eat today, and don't even bother to shower, though I have to shave, and feeling OUT of it since I want to finish the index but just don't GET to it. Don't exercise or do lightwork, either, and I seem to be feeling the effects of that. Read mail for a long time and get a dues-notice from Workmen's Circle, but when I call the office is closed late Friday. Dennis delivered the index this morning and Laura called to get a list of pages of errors, as I sort of KNEW she would! Then out at 6:45 and forget the address, so I have to buy a Cue to see that the Academy Arts is on 330 E. 56th Street, so I dash there and sit through the awful play (see DIARY 13040) with three other people until 9:10, and then walk down to La Petite Marmite and spend $24 on a mediocre dinner: Petite Marmite too salty for MY taste, $3.50 wine adequate in half-carafe, clientele New Yorkery rather than international, and the veal mousse is SO heavy that I can't finish it and don't want dessert, which keeps the price down for this restaurant-coupon, and I'm glad Dennis DIDN'T go. Then wander Beekman and Sutton Places to recapture old times, cruising the 57th Street park does nothing, and subway home by 12:30 to finish the last of "Tantra of the Great Liberation" at last, and then start reading "Serpent Power" until I'm tired, sit doing lightwork for awhile, and get to bed about 2:30 am, rather disgusted with myself.

DIARY 13041

SATURDAY, JUNE 3. Jump out of bed at 10:30 for a ringing phone, but it stops on third ring, and I decide to have scrambled eggs with brains for lunch, but it's quite awful, and I'm into reading again, and then decide to get into stamps, since I obviously don't feel like doing the index or anything useful. Did a brief lightwork session in the morning, and then Bruce called and we chatted and during the intermissions while he fixed a printer I took some notes as to where I felt I was (see DIARY 13042). Wash dishes in here somewhere, running the air conditioner even though it's 65 outside, just to keep down the humidity. Start transferring stamps from the loose leaf pages to the replacement pagers, and that gets me in a horrible mood where I don't think I'll EVER do anything useful, and search to find that there's STILL nothing good on TV. Keep going with stamps, sorting out all of them except the ones to be soaked when I get the Times, and then phone Dennis about seeing "Canadian Brass" this afternoon or evening, but he's not home, having gone out to do laundry and buy clothes, and I decide that I really don't NEED it, so I don't follow up on it. Get into the swing of the stamps until about 10:30, when I put on hamburger to broil and go out for the Times, and come back to eat the rather raw-in-the-center $2.59/pound chopped sirloin which is rather dry because there's absolutely no fat to broil through to heat it in the center. Do the single puzzle in rather quick time, and there's nothing much to read in the paper, and I forgot to mention that I'd been horny enough in the morning to get out the porno and the poppers and come rather quickly, feeling rather nice about it, though I feel as though I'm cheating Dennis, to whom I'm feeling strangely close because he can TOLERATE my being away from him for a whole weekend while I indulge my mania in stamps, though I sit there wishing I could more actively ENJOY the physical activities involved in it, rather than ONLY the mental elation of getting these things in ORDER, reducing the list of things that I have to do to GET the collection in order, and filing things away neatly and anally. Read more and get into bed about 1:30, having found more TV to watch next week.

DIARY 13043

SUNDAY, JUNE 4. Out of bed about 10:30 after coming quickly and feelingly and watched "The American Comic Strip" from 11-11:30, and then just leave on TV as I soak off the stamps and put them onto the newly-bought Times to dry, and go through Face the Nation with the Secretary of Defense, who keeps insisting we need to spend more for defense or we'll "fall seriously behind the Russians," then to Newsmakers with some politicians in New Jersey running for Governor, then put on "Beyond Niagara" with Alexander Scourby from 1-2, not realizing it was about the BAPTISTS in Canada, not really about Canada, and then at 2 watch "Who Pays for Paradise?" on Nova about all the money-back-home hotel-plane-food packages that really RIP OFF government-subsidized tourism that hopes to bring in industry and money to places like Ivory Coast, Gambia, St. Lucia, and only DOMINICA is used as an example of a country DOING IT THEMSELVES, which makes me happy that LARRY BALL called today and said he wanted to go on a vacation, and I turned him on to the Caribbean for the month of July on the Eastern plan, so now I have to xerox stuff and send it to him. Otherwise I watch a GREAT production, rhymed by Richard Wilbur, of "Tartuffe" with Donal Moffatt as the hypocrite and some other pretty people, and that goes until 5, when I turn to stamps in earnest, pasting and sorting and numbering away until 9:30, when Dennis calls and makes it clear he's not watching the Tony Awards, and then puts it on to see "Ain't Misbehavin'" get almost everything worth getting that "Da" didn't get, and thank goodness Elizabeth Swados was NOT lauded for her work with "Runaways." That goes until 11:20 and I turn on the boring end of "Exchange in Three Parts" on 13, then watch another Nova on "The Desert's Edge" how desertification is moving onward but that old Judea had local water-saving methods that work GREAT today, as compared with Aswan that erodes, destroys fields and banks, ocean currents and fisheries, and puts salt everywhere, that goes till 12:00, still into stamps, then turn on "Love Hate Love" at 1:30 to watch Ryan O'Neal and his new wife being terrorized by a crazy Peter Haskell, and that's over at 3, and I'd turned off at 2:10, bored, to do lightwork until 2:50, then watched the end, and then lathered and lotioned my face and got into bed at 3:30.

DIARY 13044

MONDAY, JUNE 5. Up about 10:30, at least I can't sleep over when I get to bed SO late, and read some and work with stamps some, feeling very nicely lazy but still infected with a feeling of GUILT when I do only what I want to do (see DIARY 13045). Have many things that I SHOULD do and I don't do any of them. Read mail and send off some bills, but there's no one to talk to on the phone, and I recall that one of these mornings I just sat and put away the ABT book that I got and took about an hour looking through all the ballet books that I'd gotten in the past from NYCB and ABT, 5 each, and some of the others. Reading is interesting in "Serpent Power," but I don't "have time" to exercise. Wash the dishes because I've run out of forks, and talk to Azak about meeting Madge tonight, and the day just passes, without lightwork, and then I may have had something to eat, but maybe not, and left after showering and dressing in my green suit for the first time since my interview with Madge about a year ago, and out at 4:30 to ride crowded subways to Lexington and 68th and walk over to Fortune Garden and in to meet Madge and later Michelle, sitting at an all-IBM table with Pia Raudsep Szrbinski, still looking very blond and Estonian-beautiful after all this time, and we chat and drink and grab for snacks, and Azak arrives with Zee, from Istanbul, and we leave together at 6:45 and he may call (he doesn't) Wednesday for suit-shopping at Barney's, and I debate taking the subway to A&S, but figure it'll be closed so I just get home and back to stamps and cook up the last of the smelly, difficult brains with three eggs and watch the Obie Awards from 9-11, well-planned, entertaining with Al Pacino and Colleen Dewhurst as hosts, George Scott and Richard Dreyfus in the audience, Edward Albee (all-bee, not Al-bee, he insists) and Marilyn Sokol. And Wetsteon (WHETSTONE) as presenters, and lots of "Ain't Misbehavin'" and talk to Dennis again and continue with stamps, and then decide that I want to watch movies, having drunk wine with the TV show and had a HUGE Brandy Alexander, and come VERY nicely on the second film, "Tommy," and then get up and listen to music for awhile writing notes (see DIARY 13058) and then do about 40 minutes of lightwork, nodding, but DOING it, and getting to bed about 2:30, incredible how the time just PASSES and still so much to DO!

DIARY 13046

TUESDAY, JUNE 6. Up about 10:45, managing to sleep more than 8 hours again, and wash the lotion off my face and sit down IMMEDIATELY to the Experimental Hematology Today 1978 index, marking pages 1-125 from 10:50 to 1:10, taking MUCH too long for the $200-budgeted index by Angie Milo, then type 317 cards from 1:10-2:10, mark pages 126-249 from 2:10-4:05, somewhat better, and then get so hungry that I make a tuna casserole again, then type 232 cards from 4:30-5:10, eat while reading more of an increasingly fascinating Ouspensky, edit from 5:40-8, when I take a break to listen to and record Andre Previn and a muddy chorus for the Brahms Requiem, and then there's another Alexander Scourby program about Thracian Gold, and some of the commentary is astounding (see DIARY 13051), and that's over at 10 and I'm finished with the editing from 10:00-10:30, and she's walking around so heavily, constantly pounding on the floor whenever she talks on the telephone, constantly playing her hi-fi or a droning commentator on the radio, seemingly encouraging her cat to galumph across the floor, that I feel few qualms about typing from 10:30-12:20, the 28 pages that JUST gets me to 700 lines, the bare minimum I needed to make it work (though she showed me the OLD one and there were barely 300, so why she said 3 lines per page I don't know, unless she MEANT actual text-pages!---and called her NOW and she seemed VERY foggy, kept saying 700 lines was FINE, and she IS only going to send the author the PROOF of the index, not the MANUSCRIPT of the index, since he wants it out so fast---in July!---so it's all working out FINE), and then I proofread and check alphabetization from 12:20-1, coming out with 11:15 hours, but I figure I CAN'T go above 35/line, since she WANTED to charge 25 and reluctantly said she could go up to 30, but I don't think, and would argue for the fact that, ANY index can be done with ANY kind of accuracy for less than $1/book page, PARTICULARLY in a medical book! But SHE knows nothing about the subject, so she probably wouldn't be surprised to find that I know nothing about the subject---just as Joan Ann said the copyeditor knew NOTHING about GRAMMAR and SPELLING. Toddle off to bed, lathered and lightworked---about 40 minutes, nodding some of the time---and tired, at 2 am.

DIARY 13049

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 7. Wake early and lay around until 10, then get up and type the final letters for the Hematology index and phone Angie Milo at 11 and she says to come right away, so I get there at 12, having phoned Dennis and found that he's "out of town," and drop off the index with a sweet but dumb Angie, pick up a new one from Barbara, talk to Joan Ann, who's been working there for two days, and AGAIN she whirls my head around (see DIARY 13048) with her stories of Actualism. Talk until 1:10, with a great IBM salesman who sells her the $1675 special typewriter with a memory, and then xerox a load of stuff for Larry (which I had to get out this morning before leaving), and get back home to mail the envelope to Larry and show my receipt to the guy at the PO box window and pick up more letters and get to the bank JUST at 3 for my checking check, which I mail, and deposit a check that I got, and stop at Modell's and buy two belts and a pair of white shoes, then at A&S and buy 4000 hinges and she'll call me when they get in the Scott pages, and I pass up 1977 Scott's paperback catalogs for $4.99 apiece---still $17+ for 4 of them, with tax, jealous that some went at $3.99 apiece previously, so I'll have to get them NEXT year at that! Home to read all mail, having picked up meat and fish, and there's just no TIME for anything, since I finish the JOYI letters and Pope calls, and then I phone Eddie (those two are reversed: Eddie called me, saying he has my $25 and I won't see him at 87th and 2nd to get it tonight, and I phoned Pope, who's having trouble with his phonemate) and Nick Falletta will deliver the index, and then I fry fish for my only meal, mail 21 JOYI forms, shower and type this page to do SOMETHING for the day by 7:25, just about time to leave for ACTUALISM! Then do three more pages and leave at 7:40, having vacuumed the dirt in the bedroom at last, and it's raining slightly and LOTS of sexy crotches on the streets (see DIARY 13052), and the lifebelt is VERY activating (see DIARY 13053), and I tell Winston about my trip and he said I could leave July 20! Out at 10:10 and walk up in drizzle, talking to laconic Janet who said Dennis refused her place, buying wine, and have a GREAT evening with Dennis (see DIARY 13050) with his onion bread and watery chili and talk about our weekends, and he gets into his cock about 12:15 and gets out the popper and his tits are practically unspoiled by this time, and he gets into his coming and then rolls off to the side and we neck and I suck on the popper and shoot quite a bit, feeling pretty high on the wine, and we chat some more about the weekend and drop off to sleep about 1:30, me yelling with cramps.

DIARY 13059

THURSDAY, JUNE 8. (And it IS SURPRISING how many times I put out a STACK of paper and just manage to make THIS self-day sheet the LAST of the ones typed.) Alarm rings and AGAIN I feel like I have a hangover, but I'm too destroyed to even talk about it when Dennis, who finds no hot water to shower with, comes and drips on the bed for commiseration, and fixes the last of the onion-loaf toast with eggs for breakfast with lots of cold over-done bacon, and doesn't leave until 9:30, when the subways are short and VERY crowded. Home at 10 without reading and put some stuff away from yesterday, and then get right away back to typing for the DIARY, since I want to watch "Romeo and Juliet" by the San Francisco Ballet from 1-3 (which I do, see DIARY 13057), and then I have a dentist's appointment at 3, during which he talks about crystallizing cracking fillings, takes X-rays, says I should USE the waterpick AND dental floss, and talked to Bruce Lieber about Actualism from 2-2:30 and Angie Milo about the index from 2:30-3 before that. Back in the rain at 4, phone Pope who's discouraged about his answering unit until 4:30, then phone Dennis who's seeing "Diabolique" and "Panique" tonight, but I don't want to see it, but he's coming over for dinner at 9:30. The guys FINALLY come to put in the cracked kitchen window, and I discover that they can be TILTED for washing, which is GREAT, since I just added that to my list of things to do, which has reached 22 on 6/8, down to the "total of 30" place where it's fun to do one a day. Typed the enormous number of 13 pages by 7:35 pm! Then put on the pork to roast and looked for desserts, noticing that I don't have much half-and-half but don't feel like going out and getting that and milk to make any kind of chocolate cake, so I just put on the music tapes for renumbering and get back to stamps to see what's left to do before the new pages come. Lots! Get a list of the countries that HAVE pages left in them, and work through until 8:30, when a guy and gal from "Twin Flames in Love" ring and ask to come up and I say "No." "Are you sure?" "Yes." And then leave and I fume. Dennis comes at 9:35, exhausted from work, and I make frozen daiquiris with honey that we have with pork and peas and carrots, and we talk, but by 11:30 he's too tired to do anything, so we just go to bed; I try to do lightwork but fall asleep after forming hierarchy, tired, too, I guess.

DIARY 13060

FRIDAY, JUNE 9. He sets alarm for 7 and gets up tired, but he's finished with shower and gotten half-and-half (which I lay debating getting, but I just simply didn't), and we're eating fried eggs and broiled ham at 8:10, and he's amazed it's so early. Sits drinking coffee so long that I go to stamps again, starting up taped music on "Gotterdammerung" where I left off when he came in last night, and he leaves at 9 and I just keep on going, filling up pages, looking through envelopes of stamps to be placed to find where they fit on pages, taking time out to sort through United States ALL the way to completion, and doing the same with United Nations, and then get to envelopes, finding a GOOD box in the stack to be thrown out (and it may never get thrown out), and Pope calls three times with phonemate troubles, Eddie calls and chats about growing pot, and I got his check for $25 at last, and Michael calls with problems with the itinerary I called him about yesterday. And I keep on going through and through, finally exercising at 8 when I put in the tuna for eating during the 9 pm "Skyline" with Edward Villella introducing the School of American Ballet until 9:30, then watch part of "In Search of the Real America" with a conservative Ben Wattenburg until I get bored enough to get back to stamps, and then at 10 there's nothing on TV for the rest of the evening, and there's a party downstairs that's getting pretty loud, so I just put on MY music loud and keep on going with stamps, getting into the untouched hard-countries to make some inroads in the untouchable mess, and even get Liberia down to 209 items, a new low for the highest country left, and only 18 countries mainly waiting for the scattering of blank pages that have to be added. Sort through the envelopes to put THEM into shape and keep going past midnight, past 1 am, past 2 am, and then at 2:45 feel that I've had enough, so stop and put on face lotion and sit down at 3 to do a nodding lightwork, STILL not doing it during day!, and go through reasonably productively, at least to my sense of having DONE it, by 3:45, at which time I'm content to put in earplugs and shut off phone and fall into bed on my back, tossing twice and falling asleep with no trouble.

DIARY 13063

SATURDAY, JUNE 10. Wake at 9:45, surprised after only 6 hours, and then doze for another hour and remember three dreams (see DIARY 13061), so I get up and jot them down by 10:45, then shit and glance through a whole New York Magazine until 11:07, and decide that THIS is the time to do lightwork, so I sit in the sunny chair in the blissful silence (until noon, when the chimes started and junk roared down the flue at the new building) until 12:07, feeling VERY good about having done it, and then wash my face and put on hamburger at 12:25 and stand on my head for 2 minutes and do exercises at the level of 16, doing TWO pullups which are beginning to feel like something GOOD to do, rather than a strain, like the headstands are doing, and then have hamburger while reading the last of Ouspensky on the Bible, interesting, and then down for the mail and look through lots of THAT, including the first Advocate that doesn't have my ad in it, and then mail the Bowker form, check for the performing times of "Dersu Uzala" since I'd called Dennis at noon and he did NOT want to go to the Bronx conservatory today and has something with Peggy tonight, so I'll be here tonight and I hope at his place TOMORROW after Actualism ends at 7 pm and before Actualism goes again at 11 am on Monday (and I phone him now and his line is busy), and I sit down to catch up on the diary, finishing these 4 pages before TV at 2:55 pm, LATE! Then watch the vastly informative "Tsetse Trap" from 3-4 (see DIARY 13064), and then don't feel like doing anything other than watching "Affair in the Air," not NEARLY so informative, but fun about people who build and fly their own planes. Then type the added page and leave for "Dersu Uzala," missing the first couple minutes because I didn't leave until 5:20 for the 5:40 show, and it's not very good at all (see DIARY 13065). Back at 8:30 to find that the Times hasn't come out yet, and sit on the Promenade for the first time in ages to wait for it to come out (see DIARY 13066), nothing interesting, and buy the paper about 9:30, immediately do the puzzle to have something to take my mind off my rumbling stomach, and put on the ham to watch the start of "A Woman Rebels" with Katherine Hepburn, but the sound is bad and it's VERY predictable, so turn on "Saturday Night Live" until 1, watch Debbie Boone mouth "You Light Up My Life" in a VERY sad way compared with her dynamite live performance, and then at 1:15 put lotion on my face, wash my teeth and waterpik them, and THEN get into masturbation for a TERRIBLE session (see DIARY 13067) and do LOTS of thinking and phone Dennis and write notes (see DIARY 13068) and get to bed, feeling better, at 4 am.