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1978 7 of 10

DIARY 13325

SUNDAY, AUGUST 20. Wake at 5:45 to put the light and hi-fi off and shut the door, wake about 8:30 with the fragment of a dream remembered about head operations and the Lone Ranger (see DIARY 13324), and then Dennis woke at 9, preventing me from doing any lightwork, and played with his cock, and got into it, and even succeeding in making ME hard, and he came all over me and the bed, and then got up to make coffee. I put on the rest of the bacon, all 13 slices of it, crowding the broiler, and made tasty french toast for breakfast from 10:45-11:15, then did the dishes for the third consecutive day, some kind of record. Had watched "an impressionistic drama from the writings of Bonhoffer, Buber, and Chardin" from 10-10:30 on TV, too. Then check out the TV schedule for the day, ask what he wants to do, and when he gets into magazines, I sit down at 12 to type these 5 pages by 12:55, ready for TV. Sit there watching from 1-4, amazed at the AMOUNT of informational input available (see DIARY 13326), and then answer questions from Dennis, mark 79-101 from 4:20-4:40 for a better rate, then type 331 cards from 4:40-5:30, when he's finished at 26 hours and I figure he should be about 2/5 through, so he has 39 hours left, so figuring 20 hours over the weekend, that leaves 19 hours for the 5 nights TWTFM left, or 4 hours/night, which sounds OK. I suggest going to a restaurant and doing something, he checks listings to find that what he wants to do isn't done tonight, so we decide on "The Eyes of Laura Mars" and Brasilia Restaurant, so we leave at 6:30 and get there at 6:55 to just see the beginning, and since I know whodunit, the movie shows its holes, but it's entertaining nevertheless, lots for the audience reaction, still very wild even in Loew's 45th St., which Dennis says has taken the place of Harlem (Broadway movies, not Loew's 45th St.) Out at 9 to Brasilia for GREAT meal for $7.75 with our ticket, with 3 beers at $4.50 being a bit much, as was the feijoida and churrasco mixto, and then I remember I forgot to bring along Bob Dukes' phone number, so we part at the station as I rush for the train, home at 11:30, phone Bruce to 12:05, then Bob, then think of lightwork, but put on TV and see Sarah Vaughan and quite fall in love with her until 1:40, then do lightwork until 2, go to sleep without air conditioner, since it seems almost temperate outside at last.

DIARY 13328

MONDAY, AUGUST 21. Wake at 8:45 to jot down notes from the first dream, and then start lightwork but drift back to sleep to wake at 9:55 with the other two dreams in mind (see DIARY 13327). Up and put on hamburger, then decide to read the last 8 pages of "Tibetan Book of the Great Liberation," which I do, and Mrs. Johnson buzzes and gives me 3 corn, a tomato, and a green pepper from upstate, for which I thank her, finish lightwork satisfactorily and then Shelly calls to say he's sending more galleys and the table of contents, and then Ernie calls to say he got there at 3:45 for two great days and is reading "The Book of est," and liking it, having had backgrounds in lots of these ideas. Don't feel like indexing, so I start reading "Sexual Stimulation," not finding much worth marking in the first 103 pages, but DO jerk off with good feelings, since Dennis called asking if I wanted to go to a concert at 8:30 tonight since Katherine called up sick (Um-hm), but I plead the bodywork with Bob Dukes. Phone Mara for no answer, Elaine for "I'm busy," and George to leave word, not able to get the last 2 body sessions I want. Finish reading at about 1:40, put things away and go down for the mail at 2:05, getting income tax penalty, rest of Dennis's book, and last notice for St. Mary's reunion, so I send away for addresses on EAST Coast to have HERE after their party. Finish typing 3 pages to keep up to date by 3:10, late. Then mark pages 102-203 from 3:10-5:20, slow, except that I took 15 minutes to mark the table of contents, which makes it pretty good, and type 382 cards 5:20-6:30, and I keep forgetting that Dennis is up at Dana's this week with the dogs. Shelly calls about sending more pages, too. I shower and get out to the subway to Bob Dukes', getting there at 8:05 after a silly wait for the local, and he has a fabulous loft-space, gives a great session (see DIARY 13329), and serves lime with seltzer at the start and fresh cherries at the finish, so I don't get out until 10, hugging him at last, and he walks me down to Broadway (or whatever) and I get subway back to catch the last of the Matlovich program from 10:40_11, then phone Rolf, make popcorn, and read more of the Sexual Self-Stimulation book until 1, but it's not really very sexy and not quotable in the JOYI responses at all. Bed.

DIARY 13330

TUESDAY, AUGUST 22. Wake about 9, do some things, sit with lightwork from 9:45-10:30, Don called before that to invite me to the beach Thursday and Friday, when Ernie comes out, but I'd said no because of dentist and Dennis, but doing the session it seems that this week WOULD be better, if only for est the following weekend forcing me back early, so I phone Dennis and he says OK, reminding me that he has to get back to Dana's for the dogs, but he's coming for dinner tonight, and dentist changes appointment, so I phone Ernie, he says he'll call Don, then I think I'D better phone Don, then call Ernie back and HE said he was just about to do that, so it worked out nicely. Had gotten the laundry together, with the Raven check, so I take both out, checking to see I have no other check, get only one JOYI return, and that's an "addressee unknown for a nameless box-number" and get back to read most of New York Magazine, with an article about Movement of Spiritual Inner Awareness that sounds VERY like Actualism, even to physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual auras, and they call it a Light Center on Canal Street, and it's centered around 125 tapes from Jon-Roger for $6 apiece, or $250 for a 5-day intensive course. Whew! That takes till 1:10 or so, then type 2 by 1:25 pm. Mark pages 204-302 from 1:25-3:20, then shower and clean up a bit, and JUST finishing getting ready when she buzzed at 3:59, exactly, and comes up to give me a good oil and vibrator session (see DIARY 13332). Dorothy Kent calls, again, while someone's on the table, and Pat leaves at 6, and I type 291 cards from 6:35-7:35, interrupted by a call from Dennis saying he's not going to get here at 7:30, but between 8 and 8:15, so I prepare tacos and fresh corn and a salad for his arrival at 8:30, JUST as I'm finishing the last of the preparations, including opening the wine and pouring out all the dishes. He moans about his day, drinks lots of wine and get nicely high, then leaves about 10, and I put things away, don't feel like indexing, so I put on films from 10:30-12:15, and come almost soft, but very felt, with Doug, and just finishing reading "Sexual Self-Stimulation" when he calls at 1 to say he can't work the lock in Dana's apartment, then calls back at 1:15 to say he's going home, and I finish reading the book at 2, feeling like it's been a good day.

DIARY 13333

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 23. Wake with the memory of two elegant hotels in my dream, with a "free lunch" in one, so I wandered back and forth, getting into TINY corner, and debated crawling through a peephole in the door, and then found that the restaurant was through a SIDE room, elegant, but I felt comfortable in my jeans and soft shoes, and no one seemed to bother me. Not much more than that in the note I took at 9:20, so it's not worth a separate page. Decided to get up and do lightwork after Ernie called and talked from 9:30 to 9:45, so did lightwork from 9:45 to 10:40, feeling good about it, and then started looking through Stekel's "Auto-Erotism" and Krafft-Ebing's "Psycopathia Sexualis" and Masters' "Sensory Self-Stimulation," and get so hot when I finish copying down all the page numbers that I jerk off with the porno at 1, feeling good about it, and Dennis called from Dana's while I was eating breakfast of the rest of the taco mix, ala sloppy joe, at 11:45, and I phoned him back. Audrey Hanneman called with some "Solar Heating" manuals that McGRAW-HILL would be sending me for indexing, so here's ANOTHER company! Mail's not here yet at 1:10, and at 2:25 the buzzer goes and I go down and get the mail, phoning Shelly and saying I'll be away for two days, and he wants the index by the 30th! I say I'll let him know if I can't do it, and phone Susan to change our possible lunch to Wednesday. Type a page about feeling lazy and empty (see DIARY 13331). Dennis calls again to say things, I try phoning Susan but get no answer, and start getting things together for packing, typing the page-contents on Q2 and Q25 for myself, "JO," and put THOSE away, getting laundry ready to take out, and fell that I sort of have to start moving now, at 4:15, finished with 3 pages for today. Shower and get ready to go, getting to Dorothy's at 6 for our body session (see DIARY 13334), AND THEN Dorothy AND Michael and I catch a cab down to the Star Center by 8:15, and we get our LAST power ray (see DIARY 13335), getting out at 10:15 and going to the subway and coming home, finishing the last pages of John's "Essays After a Dictionary" and taking notes in it (see DIARY 13336), but can't get to sleep at 11, so I get up and make popcorn and read Weinbaum's science-fiction stories until 2 am, when I finally get to sleep.

DIARY 13337

THURSDAY, AUGUST 24. I wake just before alarm at 7, and Ernie calls at 7:15 just to make sure I'm awake and going, and says that I should pick up the tickets. I don't feel like eating after the popcorn last night, so I just shower and pack and get out at 7:45, getting there at 8:11 to find him there already, having gotten everything together, and he insists on paying for my $5.05 ticket, saying "Don't say another word about it," and I retort with "Thank you." We chat about Actualism and my life and his life on the train out, so I don't read anything, and it clouds up, which I tell him I'm happy about since I don't care for the beach and this means we'll have to do something ELSE. Don isn't there, so we urinate and he calls to find that we'd been expected in at 12:10, about 40 minutes late, but we're there at 12 or just before. He drives up, the dogs leap at each other, we stop at a supermarket where I leave my wallet in the car and HE has to pay the $24 bill, then we're to his place where I make tacos with not enough hamburger at 1.5 pounds for 3, and then he says he'll drive me around Southampton, which he does, huge hedges blocking off the views of the best places, so the place that stands out most is Keewaydin, or something, enormous. Then over to Quogue Bird Sanctuary that I saw on the map by 4, and it closes at 5, but we enjoy bog plants: pitcher plants and sundews, herons, Canadian geese, various blurbs in the guides that we buy 3 of for $1, with centerfolds, and get on and off paths and look at birds and butterflies and plants and trees and swamp ponds, and out at 5:15 to look for torch fuel and corn, then from 6-7 to beach to gather shoals of shells while Ernie swims, to Lily's and see her attic filled with dolls, books, and toys, right out of Wyeth's "Christina's World" or "Kansas, where Dorothy lived." Bring her to Don's and they smoke and she and I talk about her analyst-parents and my acid trips and her not having children, while Ernie chastises the dogs and Don broils ribs and chicken and makes an enormous vegetable-macaroni salad, and we eat about 9:30, they thoroughly bombed from her $150 grass from Ralph, the 50-year-old hippie who lives in the house too, and I eat 2 ears of corn and a piece of chicken and about 4 ribs, so have no room for salad, and she naps and we chat and then we take her home and drop in for five minutes at the Attic, and it's loud and filled with old farts and young unapproachables, so we leave, get back, and I just fall into bed without doing anything, falling asleep without being bothered by the zapping of the bugs into the purple zapper outside, as they'd feared I might have been.

DIARY 13338

FRIDAY, AUGUST 25. Wake about 9:30, thinking to do lightwork, but fall back to sleep and they're moving around at 11, so I'm up and shower and put all the leftovers into the oven to heat, and Don says that he ate about half the macaroni salad earlier, and Ernie has some Alpen cereal, which Don demands a bowl of, says he hates, then finishes. We debate going to Bayard Cutting (too far), "Sgt. Pepper" (too far), town for shops and bookstores (don't do it), other places for sightseeing, but I say I COULD get into reading, and they don't seem to mind, Ernie starts reading Actualism brochures, I get into index, and they go to sleep, but I hear them having sex a number of times, and the dogs shit on the floor to gain attention when they're not leaping at my hands while I'm working on the index from 1:40 (but then talk to Ernie until 2:35) to 5 and 5:50 to 7:55, when they're finally showering, and I've marked pages 303-596, which is just great. I dress and Don loves it, but I make some remarks about their relationship and his having to have TV or radio on ALL the time (see DIARY 13339), and I'm glad I'm not a part of that relationship. They can't make reservations at Gosman's, so we drive out through the dark streets, looking down on the lights from the obscure overlooks, and get to the huge complex around Gosman's, in to have a daiquiri that seems to have nothing in it for $1.50, and poor Ernie has to settle for a Coke, and then in about 9 for a seafood platter that comes out on a small plate but fills anyway: clams mushy-tender in batter, fish tasty but nothing special, shrimps nice, salad mediocre, potato slightly underdone, but I use lots of butter and lots of tartar sauce and end up stuffed. We're out at 10:30 to wander the charter vessels, new "old" buildings in the complex, and then drive to Easthampton to find that the paper was wrong "Rocky Horror Show" is in Westhampton, which is fine with me, since I'm tired, and we wander New York Lane and look at antiques and clothes and year-end sales and the old woman in a shop next to where they would have been, and then home to crawl into bed about 1 am again, thoroughly tired, too quickly to sleep to even THINK about lightwork, knowing that we have to be up at 7 for the train tomorrow.

DIARY 13340

SATURDAY, AUGUST 26. I wake at 6:20, but then Ernie's calling me at 7, and I get up to pack, say I don't want anything to eat, and we leave at 7:30 for some more drives around suburbs before getting to the station as the train pulls in at 7:55. Ernie seems to want to chat, but he's tired, too, so I take out "Talks with a Devil" and read it most of the way, but then he's up and we chat about his former life until we get to Jamaica, when I switch to the Brooklyn-bound train (and Don stuffed $20 into my pocket to help repay for my $40 contribution to last night's dinner), and subway home just at noon, to find Dennis just arrived, and then phone Pat Mandino, who comes over at 2, after we've had some french toast for breakfast, and I give her a body session to Cosmic Father, and it seems better than usual (see DIARY 13341), and she leaves about 3:45. Dennis wants half-and-half for his coffee, so I then go out for groceries, finding that I get 4 items from the JOYI box, small for three days' gleanings, and buy chicken cutlets for chicken Kiev. Home to scout through TV Guide to see what's on, and read loads of mail while watching swimming and diving on TV, then watch "Village of the Damned" from 6:30-8, not as good as the first time around, and the house going up in flames at the end is VERY phony as George Saunders kills all of them with a bomb. Then put things together for dinner, taking time to work on paging the Bones and Joints index from 9-9:25, then have peas and carrots, chicken Kiev, salad with onion dressing, and watermelon for dessert, and then Dennis smokes and we get into a cock session that lasts until about 12, which is sad because I wanted to watch "World Championship Chess" from 11-1, but it's on late and I see Shelby Lyman so stuck on the idea that Korchnoi was going to win the startling 17th game that he MISREAD the card when Korchnoi resigned, saying first that KARPOV resigned, and thinking that he DID, not seeing the sweeping mate and two knights and a castle. Then turn on "Saturday Night Live" with Norman Lear, a rebroadcast, that goes on and on, and then I'm STILL not tired enough, so I finish paging the Bones index from 2:25-3, and get to bed to think about doing lightwork, but I fall asleep before anything happens.

DIARY 13343

SUNDAY, AUGUST 27. Wake at 9 to hear Dennis ringing the doorbell, and he comes in to talk about his awful day yesterday and edit some of his pages while I take the entire time between 9 and 12 to put away all the mail from yesterday, the index work that I have ahead of me this week, and the clothes and souvenirs from the trip, and showering before Dorothy arrives. Then get to typing diary pages before she calls at 12:40 to say she'd forgotten about it, so I make sour-cream pancakes for Dennis and me, moaning that I'd missed Fred Richmond on TV, but watch what turns out to be a rerun of the 7 cities from letters to St. John (Ephesus, Pergamon, Tyratira, Goreme, and others I forget), that we watch until 2, and then I get back to typing diary pages, but Dennis takes a shower at 5 and comes out horny, so we have sex, him shooting twice, once without touching himself, the second time on me decidedly, and then it's 6:10 and I continue to 6:30, when I stop to watch "Children of the Damned," eating lovely popcorn, a not very good follow-up to "Village of the Damned" yesterday, and THIS has a WASP/black/female/Indian/Thai/Chinese separated sextet doing silly things like not talking, bringing back a friend from the dead, and "they have the blood cells of humans a million years from now" doesn't prevent a screwdriver giving the signal that kills them all, to a rather senseless ending, unless you happen to be against war. Back to typing and remember that someone called while we were having sex, and it's poor Ernie, who'd called JUST as Dorothy rang for her body session at 2:30 (see DIARY 13342), and she leaves just before 5, and I finally catch up with 10 pages at 8:30, forgetting to mention that I read end of "Talks with a Devil" this morning, too. AND phone for a T&R with Linda that seemed not to be available before 11 am NEXT Tues! Decide NOT to watch TV any more, though there are things that may have been interesting. Type 252 cards to page 402 from 8:30-9:15, then more cards from 9:15 to 9:40, when pork chops have finished broiling and I put on peas and carrots and have applesauce, and I'm feeling grumpy: tell HIM what to do, have MY work, and then have to make MEALS for us! Back to typing the 228 cards up to page 502 from 10:35-11:05, when Dennis goes, and then mark 597-690 from 11:10-12:10, good time at last, then sit with lightwork from 12:15-1 am, feeling that I really NEEDED it before the brain session, and then get to bed, waking at 3:20 to the buzzing of a mosquito which I finally kill, returning to sleep.

DIARY 13345

MONDAY, AUGUST 28. Wake at 7:45 to do another good lightwork session from 8-8:45, then get up to shower, out at 9:15 to phone Rhodie, who has a new index for me (Dennis) and will phone me with schedule; Lois, who thinks Wednesday is fine since proofs have been delayed in getting to authors, and we can cut subentries out all over the place; Marcia, who has to call me back; and Shelly, who says there's a mail strike coming, three chapters will be changing, but he won't know until about noon, so it's good that I haven't done anything on it YET! Have hamburger, fairly smelly, for breakfast, and get out at 10:15, starting to read "Tom's A-Cold," and get to center for a nonproductive session to 12:40 (see DIARY 13344), then get off at Borough Hall at 1:15 to find only an ad in the mailbox, buy two typewriter ribbons, two bottles of wine, and home to find lots of mail, which I read until 2, then fill out the questionnaire for Scientology, for a lark, then get to typing to page 605 from 2:50-3:30, 203 cards; and from 3:30-4:05 finish up with 167 cards for a total of 1854, great, then phone Dennis, who'll be here by 6 if he can, so he won't interrupt Dorothy Kent and me, and get the pages from Shelly, and call him back to find that the page FORMATS are the same, and then decide I have to catch up on the diary while the typewriter's in the right position, so I finish two pages by 4:55, sniffing to see I'm OK for Dorothy. Start editing from 5-6:20, Dorothy calling to say she won't be here until 6, and I hear Dennis fussing around with the door that I'd forgotten to open. He explains his "Insulators" article in detail, moans that Rodney had said he couldn't easily be paid for his freelance article now that he was employed by them, and Dorothy comes in at 6:30 in the middle of our rather heated discussion. She sits and listen and laughs as we finish about 7, then we talk until about 7:30 and she has me on the table until 8:45 for a decent session (see DIARY 13346). She leaves about 9:05 and Dennis says he's starved, so I make the hamburger-special with mushroom soup, put on candles as he showers, and he loves the dinner, which depresses me, since HE gets his questions answered, has someone to complain to, while I have MY work to do with no one to ask, my own problems that I don't feel I can burden him with at this time, AND I have to make all the meals, wash the dishes, keep the place together, and, as a final blow when we stagger into bed at 2 am, shut off HIS light and the rest of the lights, seeing that he's scattered paperclips all over the floor that I have to pick up the next day. I continue editing from 10:50-2:00 while he types a total of 27 pages, and he's asleep by the time I wash my face and clean my teeth and shut out the lights, and I brood only a little as I crawl into bed, too tired to even THINK of doing any lightwork, which I probably need.

DIARY 13348

TUESDAY, AUGUST 29. Alarm goes at 8, interrupting a dream of Anthony Dowell and the ballet (see DIARY 13347), and he's into the shower while I'm up and make the bed and get my stuff off the table and get into making cheddar cheese omelets for each of us while he's drying hair, and we eat by 8:35 and I start doing the dishes while he finishes getting ready, kissing me goodbye about 9:05, and I finish in the kitchen and go right to typing up the pages for the days gone by, doing 3 pages by 10, Dennis calling to say that Cathy said "You NEVER have to stay late again," and he'll be here before Pat M. Start on the Bones and Joints index and mark the first 100 pages in the 85 minutes between 10 and 11:45, taking off 20 to talk to Arnie, back for a bit, and then type 251 cards from 11:45-12:20, mark the next 100 pages 12:20 to 1:20, type 204 cards 1:20-1:55, then take a quick shower and get out to the dentist, who polishes, doesn't get into the crevices, and says that I MUST use the waterpik more frequently, charges me $10 for the cleaning, and that's ALL: $70 for a total of 10 visits, and he's charged ME less per hour of work that I'd charge HIM for work! To the bank and pick up laundry, then back to mark 200's from 2:45-3:45, type 183 cards 3:45-4:15, mark 300's 4:15-4:55, type 139 cards 4:55-5:20, and then start editing from 5:20-7:35. Pat Mandino called to say she'd rather make it on Friday, which is perfect for me and the time I need on the index, and Dennis got in about 5 with half and half and butter, and had some coffee while I finished the first edit-sort of the cards on my desk, and I'm getting hungry, so I put on pork chops and start back editing the Atherosclerosis index from 7:55-8:15, and serve dinner, saying that I resented BOTH helping him AND giving him meals, and that pisses him off, saying that I don't like to cook at ALL, which wasn't the point, and it's a rather silent dinner with corn and applesauce, and then I get back to editing form 9-9:45, then do some lightwork until 10:15, look at his stuff, then finish editing from 10:30-12:55, remembering to put on the Joffrey Ballet, watching "L'Air d'Esprit," and MacKenzie looks better now than before, but Corkle still looks fat, and from 1:45-2:15 they put on a ROUSING "Cakewalk," REALLY a company in GREAT shape, and then type pages 1-5 on Bones and Joints from 2:25-2:45, when Dennis comes in and says he has to sleep, he's going too slowly, and drops into bed setting the alarm for 7:30, only 4-3/4 hours away.

DIARY 13349

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 30. He's out of bed before alarm goes, at 7:25, making coffee, and I hope the people upstairs and down aren't concerned, since I start typing at 7:30 and type pages 6-35 until 9:20, and then start looking at some of his pages for lots of capitalization-lower case corrections, some alphabetical disorders, and a striking "Michels is wrong," and turns out that it's ROBERTO! Then I catch up with him and start proofreading 11:55-12:25, at which point Susan returns my call and says she's been up since 3:30 consoling Bob Kelly at St. Vincent's: he'd tried slashing his wrists again! At which point I make another cheddar omelet which tastes fine, and Dennis says "I feel like crying" and we have a GREAT talk (see DIARY 13350), and I do some proofreading 2:30-2:45, then finish 3:30-3:40 when he's leaving to shop at A&S for pants, and I've phoned Lois Lombardo and Shelly Safir and said "between 4-5," and type up final bill and get out at 4:10, to Harper and Row at 4:40, when Lois wants to talk about the coop she saw on Hicks off Atlantic: a duplex below ground for $75,000, next to house that collapsed, and I leave at 4:50 to rush down to ACC and find Shelly "left 15 minutes ago" at 5:05, so I leave index, cross 42nd Street to find that Latham's closed up tight, and walk bustling 42nd (lots of sharpies out) to subway and get up to Rolfing center at 5:45, relaxing from heat, drinking water, chatting with people waiting, and Dorothy comes in at 6:15 and gives me a MARVELOUS session (see DIARY 13351). Out again at 8 for a taxi ride to 72nd for 70, and Winston changes the schedule (and annoys a couple people) with a look at Hierarchy (see DIARY 13352), and we're out at 10:10, me carrying the umbrella, and buy champagne when he discourages me from buying the $2.59 kosher and get to Dennis's for a FIRE from the cherry cake, which produced a DELICIOUS intense caramel taste, phone Arnie to find we DO have tickets for "Don Quixote" for Wednesday the 13th, phone the Olympia to find that the double IS playing tomorrow, and eat until 11:30, drink good Bordeaux, his honey-cream-tomato dish excellent too, out-shadowing his chicken parmesan, and get into bed to play with his cock and he comes nicely before we drop VERY tired off to sleep at about 12:30.

DIARY 13353

THURSDAY, AUGUST 31. Alarm at 7:30 leaves me in bed feeling pretty sodden and tired, and he gets me up at 8:10 for an early breakfast of one egg (the four in the cherry-bubble cake are gone), rice, and toast, and a glass of buttermilk to replace the no-orange juice. I leave at 8:30 when he's still fooling around, and subway to Clark, then use the umbrella that I left at Actualism in the rain, go to the post office to find NOTHING put in since Monday, then buy meat and groceries and get home about 10 am to shit and look through the stacks of mail from the last two days. Put groceries away, exercise when I take one item off the list to get back to 9, but don't get into typing right away, so water the plants, call Shelly at 11 to have him say that it looks fine, and type a few pages and call Arnie at 11:30, talking to him about movies and plays and travel and people until 12:30, and then finish these 5 pages for the day, including the Actualism page, by a late 1:35! Do whatever until 1:50, when I type pages 1-41 until 4:40, when I eat, and then type more from 5-7:30, when I watch TV for half an hour of I don't remember what, and then Bruce calls for 10 minutes, and I go back to typing from 8:10-9:25, finishing typing the Atherosclerosis pages, then immediately get to Solar Heating I, reading the procedures from 9:25-9:40, marking pages 1-11 from 9:40-10, and then Bruce calls and talks about his trip to California until 11:30. I do something, maybe watch TV (but I threw out that week's TV Guide already), but more probably eat something, though maybe made popcorn WHILE watching TV, but whatever I did, I got back to marking the rest of the pages from 12:55-1:35, and then I still didn't feel like I did as much as I could today, since I went back to proofread the first half of the Atherosclerosis index from 1:35-2:15, setting the alarm early so that I could get up and take in both of them finished, looking forward to my lunch with Susan McMahon, Pat Mandino's coming over for bodywork, neither of which would turn out to be true the next day, though lots of interesting things happened, and I won't have so much trouble filling the day for THAT page (reverse those words) as I did for THIS, and fell asleep instantaneously.

DIARY 13358

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 1. I may have set the alarm for 8, but I woke at 7:35 and felt pretty chipper, so I got out of bed and finished proofreading the Atherosclerosis index from 7:35-8:55, then typed the 11-page final-tally CARDS of the Solar Heating index from 8:55-9:30, edited from 9:30-10:15, and Pat Mandino called to say that she couldn't come over, and then Susan called to say she had to meet someone for business at 1:30, but I couldn't get there before 12, so I then phoned Rodie Siegler and arranged to meet HER for lunch at 1, phoning the others to say when I'd be in, talked to Dennis, and then typed the pages from 10:45-11:40, finishing from 12:15-12:30 after doing some other stuff on the phone, also including showering, then dash out and meet an older-than-expected Rodie, who leads me out to eat at some old restaurant on 39th called Elizabeth Rose, or something, which gives a fish stew, soup and salad for $2.10! We talk about her folks' place on Grenada, my travels to India, her friend who's looking for a Spanish-programming company for books, and walking back on Madison she mentions that Rodelinda Albrecht is working at ACC, so I say Au Revoir to her at 1:10 and ask for Rodelinda (she's on vacation), Shelly (he's out for the day), Margaret (who says that my bills are FINALLY OK, 30-40/line, about $1.25/page fine), and at last Sophia Prybylski, who turns out to be "Sonia" who lives in 250 W. 75th, and we talk about Avi and his roommates, and I leave about 2:30 to return to Rodie's to pick up my bag, getting up to Audrey Hanneman's about 3:05, and talk to HER about the index, which she loves, until 4:05, when I dash down to Raven to a broken xerox machine (and Arnie came over this morning to deliver his copies of Macphee stuff from New Yorker, I'd forgotten), and find that Marcia collects stamps, then get home, maybe watch TV all evening but I've thrown out the book, maybe jerked off, maybe read, spent some time putting things away, but I didn't have time to finish this page, which is a pain, since I don't know WHAT I did. Probably ate something, drank wine, jerked off to porno, and then couldn't sleep so read more "Martian Stories" with popcorn to get to sleep ready for the est weekend tomorrow, early am.

DIARY 13359

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 2. Wake at alarm at 7:15 and shower and have three eggs for breakfast and walk in bright morning to the Lexington subway at 8, getting there in good time at 8:20 so that I can go to the john, ignoring the constant rattle of "Please be seated," and they haven't learned yet that they do more HARM and GOOD with their assholedness of "putting it out." Geoff Galbraith had been teaching seminars in Hawaii, a former MD with sloping shoulders and a grin that shows why he seldom grins, though he broke through my defenses when he teared up talking about his brother with Randy at one of the example-shares. Randy was hyper-funny all day, talking about the "miracle" of getting the scar completely removed from his face, and he's lost weight, looks better, and insists that this will NOT be a review of the training, so if anyone wants to get out, they can get out by the "time-to-leave-break," which comes about 5. I'm sorely tempted, but then it's put so masterfully so that you feel like you're breaking an agreement with yourself if you walk out---to suffer from it for the rest of your life---I decide to sit through it, rather determined that this will be the last thing I do with est, and it turns out to be more than true. The day goes well with sharing with the small groups (see DIARY 13360), and I'd misjudged poor Julie as "number one," since SHE was the one who came up with the breakthrough that I needed in wording that made a share good for me. First piss break at 3:15-3:45, and the johns are so small EVERYONE has to wait on line, and there're few cuties to talk to, though Cale stands and shares about going to court for slapping someone's ass that got him tossed out of his club, and Sheila sobs about her depression but won't come out of it when Randy browbeats her, and at last we're out at 8:10-9:40 for dinner, and I refuse the surprisingly-present Lloyd Moore to go off with Michael Blackburn and Dorothy Hunter to eat at some deli on 3rd, huge sandwich, and get back to piss and get released at 1:35, which isn't so bad, but I can't get to sleep though I lie there, so I KNOW this evening I make popcorn and read until about 2:15, when I'm bleary-eyed enough to fall asleep, but there's been no lightwork today, though Dorothy passed on the message "we're in RW," and I sort of went into it, but felt that it was SO bad nothing would help.

DIARY 13361

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 3. Wake at alarm at 7:45 and feel RATHER good, shower again and have three eggs again and miss a subway but STILL get there just at 9, getting in to chat with everyone about yesterday, and it gets somewhat better, though more boring, and then he repeats about 5.5 hours on the "Transformation at the level of organization" and I begin to feel ripped off again, and then he comes to the INCREDIBLE "perpetrations on est" process, and I furiously write my anger into my notebook (see DIARY 13362), and then we can leave at 8:45 to return at 10:15, and Lloyd joins me and we go to Citicorp to find the Hungaria closed, so we're into Angelo's Italian for a not-super veal dish, a tasty salad, and sad about not being able to have wine, and he talks about his manic-depressive sister that her husband had to get their son away from, his sleeping next to her and waking enough to repeat her last four words before falling back asleep, and I ask him about the Spanish FORTRAN and he says he'll ask someone, but he didn't call yet (by 9/12). We stroll back in time to be hassled more, and get into seats to listen to the rides again, and suddenly Randy strides onstage to shout "The training's over, the hotel's on fire, see you Thursday, leave quickly and NO TALKING NO TALKING, NO TALKING." I can't imagine a fire starting so quick, but in the lobby there's about 3 feet of roiling black smoke bubbling along the ceiling, so everyone turns for the door, someone in our car mentions the guy who's bleeding on the sidewalk, who turned out to have thrown a bomb into the bar, and we're excited and delighted to have finished so soon, and we drive across the bridge at breakneck speed and I'm home at 11 to phone Dennis, who's not in, and I watch TV at 11:30 to see if there's anything on the news about the Waldorf, but about 12:30 I'm falling asleep, so I drop into bed and get right to sleep, pleased to have been finished with est, angry about the anger that I felt this afternoon (though it left when I wrote it down), and looking forward to a couple of days of doing nothing, reading, and getting more bodies in after my T&R on Tuesday, which has come effortlessly around without bodies.

DIARY 13366

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 4. Wake at 9:30, marveling that I needed 9 hours sleep, and got out of bed about 10 after trying vaguely to do lightwork and not doing very much. Then I called Dennis to get no answer, Ernie to chat about the weekend and say it was pretty bad, Avi to set up a Friday Monopoly game that was later cancelled when Dennis wanted Dana and Jody over for dinner, Fred Bassoff who's interested in ANY head games and breaks 650 in Scrabble and loves charades, Marty Sokol who's finishing the book in a month when they announce Julius's retirement and Marty as co-director in 1980 with Bubbles Silverman, Art Bauman who's in SF through September, Michael Sullivan who's out of town for the weekend, Paul Bosten who's busy, John Connolly who doesn't answer, Andre Eryol who's RESIGNED and says he'll be FREE for the 80-day around-world Pan Am trip!, Bruce Lieber who's not home, Amy's in California through next week, Art's out and then calls back, Arnie's not home, Joan Ann tells me to phone Alex, which I do, to say Sumner's better than DeMattia, and that's 17 people that I talk to until 1, when Dennis calls and I suggest Coney Island, and he says FINE. Have something to eat, probably rotting hamburger from the bloody stack in the bottom of the fridge, and decide to finish reading "New Model of the Universe," feeling good to have gotten through it, and there's good stuff in it. Dennis had a lesson at 3, comes over at 3:45, we chat for a bit, leaving for Coney at 4:45 when Mrs. Johnson says he can look at the apartment (when she hands in 4 more ears of corn and three "slightly bruised" tomatoes), and we're down to smells and damp-rot and he pulls the dumbwaiter door off, and we leave about 5:15 with Fritos from the refrigerator and get there at 6:15, having to walk down TO the aquarium to see that it closes at 7, too early, and we walk into sunset and look at things, but it's just not as much fun as it used to be (see DIARY 13367) and we leave about 10 to come back to my place, and he's into sex, so he smokes and we shower and both shoot very nicely, and we cuddle and talk a bit about the apartment, and he sets the alarm at 7:30 and we get to sleep about 11:30, very early, but we're still both quite tired.

DIARY 13368

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5. I'm tired but get up at 7:30 to get him off to work, and somehow I just don't get out until 10:40 for my T&R so that Linda has to call me before I get there at 11:10, but we have a great session (see DIARY 13369), and I ask Winston about my overloading at est, he shakes his head, says we're asking for low frequencies, and suggests I get a body session. I got out at 12:15 to subway to Borough Hall to check the mailbox, then decide to get a haircut then, getting it for $3.75 since he trimmed the mustache too, look for foam but find only used-book shops, including the one that moved from Montague Street, buying 5 books in a bag, finding that even A&S doesn't have foam, so I buy a TV Guide for the week-rest, and get home at 3 to find that Dorothy Hunter had called about body sessions, so I put on hamburger and just finish eating that by 4, when she comes in for a body session here, and we talk for a long time about the est weekend, but her session here was so ordinary that I won't write a page about it, except to say that she thought I'd PUT on extra padding, after I apologized for not HAVING had more padding for her this time. Then she said I couldn't do it with her Wednesday since she had a previous engagement, but since she would be doing the O-V and I did the NHS, maybe it would be good enough for the two of us to do it tonight at 7, so I say fine. Phoned DaSilvano for reservations after talking to Art and Dennis to check it was OK, phoning Avi to cancel Friday since I could find no one, and I called Arnie and talked to him, phoned Bob Dukes and got his Diao who gave me his new number, and I guess I checked indexing at library today, too, since I know I checked off 7 of the do-list of 14 that I made up that I wanted to do SOON. Late out and to Dorothy's at 7:10, so I shared a cab downtown with her at 9, feeling good after it (see DIARY 13370), and ride down to Bleecker and 6th, walking down to find them sitting waiting for a table, and the food is decent but not spectacular, and I pay $35 of $60 bill since Dennis pays $15 for his and Art pays $10 for Bob, who's seeming to be much more gregarious, and we're so tired I guess we each go to our own places to sleep, but I'm not sure of it.

DIARY 13371

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 6. I wake about 9, do a bit of lightwork (and had done some YESTERDAY, which made me jot notes on my list of No Drive (see DIARY 13372), but don't feel like doing anything, so I start reading through the Britchky book, finding which restaurants he devoted the most space to, and then thumbing through the Gael Greene book, seeing which restaurants SHE talked about, glanced through the Rhine book, verified that the Loeb book was the one I wanted from Rolf, and checked to find that the Sturgeon was one that I HAD had. And looked through the Philosophy book from the same series. While doing this to about noon, I got a call from Scientology and made an appointment at 5:30. Finished reading "Tom's A-Cold" (see DIARY 13373) and decided to get back into reading "Something Happened," and passed the rest of the day sort of looking at lists and doing not much else. Talk to Dennis about pros and cons of apartment (see DIARY 13383). One of these days I called Madge to find out if IBM published FORTRAN in Spanish, and she said that Werner worked with Ralph DeMarco, now a manager in World Trade Corporation, and I made a couple more phone calls and showered and got out so late that I was late getting to Scientology, getting into their "Church" at 5:40 and marveling at the neat unoccupied office for L. Ron Hubbard, and she said "Glad you could make it" rather sarcastically, and talked to me until 6, when she passed me on to someone else until 6:50, and I got a VERY poor impression of the flavor of the thing (see DIARY 13374). Out onto a park bench to write some notes on a card and read my book until 8, and then got into the hotel lobby to chat with Maureen and Elliott and then get upstairs to be told to be quieter in the lobbies, got a lifebelt with the ray (see DIARY 13375), and Faye had an index for me to propose to Frommer for her Hawaii book! We talked about it until 10:40, rode a bus uptown to her place to get the competitors' book, and I phoned Dennis and got in at 11:20 and he was STILL cooking the rice that went with the chicken, and we talked about the possibility of his moving for a long time, but we were both so tired that we just flopped into bed at 1 am and didn't even bother with sex, though he may have played with himself through the evening, anyway.

DIARY 13376

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 7. Dennis is up wearily at 7:30 and I get up fairly quickly to finish rice and have eggs with cheddar cheese and we dash out at 9:05 and his cab's waiting for him already, and I keep on the local down to Canal and get off at Broadway and walk EAST to WEST Broadway (not a good thing) and meet Susan swinging down Canal about 9:40, and Arthur Ellenbogen didn't arrive at 7:30 this morning (though Dorothy Kent told me a story about it the NEXT day about the PREVIOUS week when she was still sleeping), but she got a lot done, and we went more east and found a foam place, bought two halves of a sheet for $6 apiece, then she wanted coffee, so after shopping in a few of the shops and picking up wicker plant hangers for $1.25 and finding lots of plastic-covered black sheets for 10 each in a junk shop, we stopped into a corner place for pear juice for 75, she smoking, we talking with a guy (Alex Parilla, sounds familiar) with a great logo for Insight Seminar Training, advanced in Philadelphia, personally addressed, and out about 11 to get to my place and talk lots more, Dennis calls to say he's taking apartment and Susan says I light up! She finally does my body with her oil-less vibrator (see DIARY 13377), and then she's hungry about 3 and wants falafel, so we go to falafel place on Montague and sit in sun and watch sexy crotches go by and continue to talk about family and est and scientology and Bruce and Actualism, and she leaves about 4, I withdraw $200 on 30-minute line at bank basement, I go pick up cards from post office, finding 3 letters in box, one return, get laundry or wine or whatever, and back to apartment (which she was delighted to see was a mess, and I felt that I didn't do ANYTHING today) to eat something and don't even bother to brush teeth from garlic or change shirt sweated from the day, and get out at 6:45 to the Statler Hilton to sit next to Cale and across from JP Redmond for a VERY angrifying session (see DIARY 13378), and they all remark about my garlic and body odor, and Dennis had said I could come over, but at 11 when it was finished, I was just feeling too strung-out and angry to do anything, so I probably went home (not even looking for Dennis in the mass of people, but seeing Michael) and jerked off and had popcorn and read, or else I just went to bed because I was feeling so lousy and wanted to be OUT of it, though I MAY have sat up for about 45 minutes struggling with lightwork.

DIARY 13380

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 8. Wake at 9, or so, and again I don't feel like doing anything. May have sat for a bit with Actualism, but I don't think I did, since maybe part of the reason for feeling bad was that I DIDN'T do so much with Actualism this week. Kept busy watering plants and brushing teeth and washing dishes and spraying for roaches and taking down laundry and picking up laundry and various housekeeping things, but did lots of reading since I didn't feel like doing anything much more. Got lots of mail which I read and sorted and put away, but part of the hassle is going off a temporary do-list that has no pressures over me, fearful of going about the 8 items I've been pleased to keep on the official do-list since 9/1, which by no coincidence was about the time I typed my last diary page, and I just didn't seem to get to that, either. Read magazines and threw them away, did puzzles in the strike-rag that I picked up a copy of to see what was in it (nothing), and looked at TV listings, bought wine, probably jerked off a few times with porno during the day since Dennis and I weren't doing it and I felt like doing it, and the time passed until Dorothy Kent came over about 3, since she had the day off, and got a body session from me (see DIARY 13381), scheduling a return for her on Thursday. I'd called Bob Dukes back and forth and set up a session on Monday, and I finally phoned Madge to get Ralph Demarco's name for Spanish FORTRAN. One of these days, too, Marty Sokol called with an hour's conversation about his coming prospects with City Opera, co-director with Beverly Sills. I'd typed 4 pages of another draft of Actualism article (so I HAD done a session this morning!), which she read and said was fine (see DIARY 13354-13357). By then I just took time to shower and take an umbrella for the driving rain to buy a THIRD bottle of cassis for Dennis, drink my OLD wine with Dana and Jody at 9, and Art and Bob came in at 9:15 for FABULOUS baked garlic on pita, not-as-good chicken Veronique with not-as-together cream and grape sauce, and a honey mousse that didn't quite work, and Art hates sweet desserts. He read his excerpts from "The Time of Your Life," during which EVERYONE but me slept most of the time, and then it was 12 and they had to leave, Dana and Jody stayed until 1, and then he just cleaned up and we flopped into bed, quite exhausted from day.

DIARY 13382

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 9. We wake about 9:30, and I don't have time for any lightwork before Dennis is playing with himself, and we have FABULOUS shooting sex, the popper VERY full with the stuff I brought last night, and he does hand me off with GREAT effect, which he loves. Out of bed at 10:30, and I get into some Art magazines and some New Yorkers while he cleans up from last night, talks to people on the telephone, and talks about possibly having Bob Cossadente moving into his apartment to pay the key fee. He doesn't get around to starting on breakfast until 12:30, and I'm feeling itchy about the day, since he called Effie Arthur and we're going to Wilton tomorrow, and I want to get to the Marchais for the special ceremony at 3 pm. We eat about 1, he cleans up afterward, I showered and he showered, and we leave about 1:30, keeping on the local to change to express and catch up with one, getting to ferry at 1:50 but the 2 pm doesn't leave until 2:10, and it's a pleasant clear sunny day for the ride across the harbor watching ALL the sailboats that someone says are in the Governor's Trophy race, and land at 2:40 and get onto a number 113 bus for seats in the back for a LONG ride out to Lighthouse Road at 3:20, and rush up the hill to find that the ceremony is OVER at 3:30, but it was too crowded to be able to see anyway! Look around at the interesting place (see DIARY 13384) to get our $2 worth and leave at 4:30, waiting long time for a bus while I read book and Dennis talks with Frank, who seems to live with a GIRL, and we get 5:30 ferry back across, deciding to walk north to La Puglia, going along Gold, looking at the new black sculpture across from the Reserve Building, walking up Madison St., over to Division and up to Hester, and along to La Puglia, standing in line with kooky people, sipping free wine passed out, missing the free garlic toast, get inside for loud microphoned singer-owner, half-brain, cheek-flesh, and I move jaws to laughers outside. Wine they make by carafe, $2 for half carafe great, 50 for garlic toast too much, my veal not bad for $4.50, his cutlet OK for $4.50, mediocre mushrooms, FABULOUS french-fried zucchini, subway to my place for LONG sex session that I hold him off on a few times, so that he REALLY shoots at end, and we fall off to sleep about 11:30, setting alarm for 6:45 since we have to catch the 8:05 train from Grand Central tomorrow.

DIARY 13385

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 10. Wake groggy and Dennis puts on coffee and gets into the shower, which I had last night, and then he drinks, has some toast, and we get out at 7:20 and don't have to wait too long for the Lexington, so we're there at 7:50, time to buy tickets for $4.25, Dennis to get a copy of Variety to read, and we're on slow-moving train on which I read and he reads and we change at Norwalk and South Norwalk for the doodlebug through the countryside up to Wilton, and there's shell-jeweled Effie Arthur with her black-gray wig and orange pantsuit waiting for us in her Mercedes with Annie, the dog next door, so we sit in the back and she drives us to her GREAT place in the country, full of shapes and shadows as in the article, and she puts on tea and coffee and warms rolls and serves toast from her lawyer friend who comes in later with Cissy, his 50-year-old wife who looks about 30, and Effie drops later that she was born in 1902 and collects coins from that time. I say I collect programs and she says she'll give me hers if I'd like. We eat on the sunny porch, she drives up to the library at 11:45 after showing us around the house. GREAT toy collection, and we get to viewing the books in the Wilton Book Auction (see DIARY 13386), which starts earlier than 1 pm, but lasts until 6:45, and we've had sandwiches and coffee for lunch, and Dennis says "I'm going to phone around the corner" and turns around and THERE'S Effie, saying "What KEPT you so long?" Incredible coincidence. She drives us back to her place, Dennis tells me we'll eat at Stonehenge some other time, and Cissy comes in and chats and drinks with us and shares the great plate of salami and cheese and olives and crackers, and then husband arrives, handsome and blond, and we have teriyaki chicken, corn which mine is tough and Dennis's is tender, salad, and two kinds of ice cream for dessert, very pleasant in all, everyone talking about everything, and then Dennis asks what time it is and we JUST have time for him to drive us to the Norwalk station for the 10:40 train, leaving New Yorker that I'd missed and stamps she'd given me and the auction booklet at her place, and get into Grand Central at 11:40, to my place, and he MIGHT want to play around but we're both tired, so we postpone it and get to sleep about 12:30, pleased with a VERY busy weekend, but I have LOTS of work to catch up on!

DIARY 13387

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 11. He's up and showering, and I drag myself out of bed, determined to feel better by DOING something rather than lying there and dreading the day, and I make sour-cream pancakes that don't have enough sugar even when I added some, orange juice that's been there so long that it's gone acidy, and cream for Dennis's coffee that's sour for the first two cups and OK for the remaining 4-5, not to mention bargain bacon that broils away to crisp nothingness that doesn't taste super. I gather stuff for the Chinese laundry together, take out the garbage, find a check that I come back upstairs to fill out the forms for depositing and send a check to the account, check the PO to find nothing there since Thursday, wash socks, put stuff away, and when Dennis calls to say he has to come over to pay for the rent and for dinner, I decide I just HAVE to vacuum, which I do after a cursory dusting---and I'd ALSO spent a rather horrendous 45 minutes trying to do lightwork, but it didn't seem to want to be done. Searched 3-4 places for TV Guide and find none, buy groceries, buy a paper so that I can check the TV schedule, and get home to find mail earlier, so I guess the replacement guy's back off the job and the regular guy's back. Dennis is here at 6:30 before I can do anything on the diary, which is now 11 days behind and VERY preying on my mind, and I'd also spent about two hours going through the Maverick Guide to Hawaii and phoned Faye to find that she wants me to type a letter to Paul Pasmantier with 2-3 proposals, so there's STILL A lot to do. Put on Mrs. Johnson's corn to cook, which we eat first, and then put on the steak that I got at the grocers', and finished up the salad so that I can get to defrosting the fridge soon, and then at 8:30 he's down to talk to Mrs. Johnson and I'm putting the supper stuff away and Bob buzzes at 8:50 and we chat and he decides he'll do me (see DIARY 13388), and he leaves about 10:45 with a perfunctory hug, and I put on "Time of Your Life" which goes on at 12:30 instead of 11:30, so I got to watch most of "The Pallisers" chapter 8, rather interesting, with John Gielgud, and Joe Venuti on Dick Cavett, and then made popcorn for watching the show, and it's not very good, with Houseman's group, except for the head guy who played Joe, who's sort of sexy, and I'm almost falling asleep before it's over at 2:30, so no trouble to bed.

DIARY 13390

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 12. Wake at 9 and lay until 9:30, then up to put things away until 10 exactly, when I sit down with lightwork on the sensory-mental lifebelt, doing fairly well until 11 exactly, and then I put on the hamburger to cook, talk to Bruce and Dennis on the telephone, and then eat while reading the Reader's Digest book on Mysteries, until 12, then get down to the proposal for Faye's index to Paul Pasmentier of Frommer, mail a few bills, and then get out to take the garbage down, check AGAIN no things in the JOYI box, mail the letters, buy two bottles of white wine, go around to the Remsen side to vote for Richmond in the Democratic primary, and get back about 3 to a GREAT stack of mail that I go through until about 4:30, including a first volume of Cousteau's underwater life that they FORCED me to take from them free, and then put on chicken to cook while I call Ralph DeMarco and find they have NO FORTRAN in Spanish, and no books in it, either, and try calling Rolf about it but he's not home, then Arthur Ellenbogen calls and we set up a body session, I eat reading more of book, filling the trash bag anew with mailing discards, send a NGTF mailing to Helen, cancellation to Cousteau, Tolkien poster request, telephone bill, Cheeselovers order for 40, and a list of science-fiction books I want to Fantasy Castle, which Arnie gave me an ad from the West Coast. THEN I have time for the diary, writing about diary typing (see DIARY 133??), and finish this at 6:25, at least ready to do SOME pages before breaking off for TV, and come 5:15-5:45, too. Type a number of pages before watching a rather boring, crotchless "Spiderman," where everyone's sole talent seems to involve widening the eyes. That goes from 8-9, and I nibble peanut butter to get heartburn, and then return to finish typing the 20 pages for the day, but STILL not up to date. Then shower because I feel so tacky, turn on TV to watch news until 12, eating chilled steak, when "The Last of Sheila" comes on after election-covering news reports, Carey nominated for Governor. Written by Stephen Sondheim and Anthony Perkins, assisted by Nora Kaye and produced and directed by Herbert Ross, this is a multi-leveled puzzle (Shoplifter, Homosexual, Informer, ExCon, Little-girl molester, Alcoholic (changed to Hit-and-Run Killer) for Raquel Welch, Richard Benjamin (who turned out to be killer, blackmailed at end which he stared at camera and Bette Midler sang "Friends"), Dyan Cannon, Ian MacShane, James Mason, Joan Hackett) that has James Coburn in lipstick in wig asking Benjamin if he wants a kiss, which turns out interesting at end when Benjamin said he had "a thing with" Coburn "because he seemed to need it," and I got to bed at 2:40, tired and muscle-tingly weary.

DIARY 13391

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13. Wake at 9 to construction noises, and lay until 10:10, when the noises REALLY start with buzz saws downstairs, and get up feeling reasonably good after 7.5 hours in bed, then make bed and tidy up and sit down for lightwork at 10:30 which goes VERY well, acing the Sensory-Mental lifebelt at last, until 11:30, when I water plants and search and can't find a scarlet stamp whose color I know, and put on hamburger and eat at 12, reading about megaliths, then down for the mail, not QUITE as much as yesterday and more to throw away, having brushed teeth thoroughly without blood for the first time in ages, and then stare at Actualism folder for a long while before and after doing the sheet for that day, and at last get to finish off yesterday's sheet and do this one by 1:50, horridly LATE!! Then get to the other sheets, starting with the Actualism sheet from LAST WEEK (which I remembered very little about), and then starting with DIARY 11376 and going up to the present, and then during the afternoon calling Rodie Siegler and getting updated on her possible business (see DIARY 13392) and then phoning Rolf about it while I made a small tuna casserole for lunch and he told me about his computer-purchase idea (see DIARY 13393), and then I remembered some of the things that I notice during Actualism the past few days (see DIARY 13394), and then I bring this up to date at 6:10, 17 pages typed! Shower and shave and get ready for the ballet, then sit down from 6:40-7 to mark the first 14 pages of Solar Heating and Cooling #2. Out for the subway and meet Dennis precisely at 7:45, arguing about his mis-set watch, and MINE was as far wrong as HIS was! Baryshnikov's "Don Quixote" was pictorially wonderful, well-enough danced in the classical parts by Makarova, but not a transcendent experience (see DIARY 13395). Out at 10:45 and Dennis is tired, but we walk up to look at the Monastery Restaurant anyway, and end up going in for a flavorsome Szekely goulash for him and a crunchy-with-onion Gypsy pork cutlet for me, with a vermouth-wrecked vermouth Cassis for me and a Lillet which he liked for him, good cheese, and $7 off with the ticket. Walk home about 12:15, and when I get out of john, he's semi-hard, and I say "Have you been playing with yourself?" and he grins and we grab each other and he comes on me quickly, and I'm hard but say "Tomorrow," and we get to bed about 12:30, dizzy with wine, and fall instantly to sleep.

DIARY 13398

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 14. Dennis lays until 7:55, when he asks me to check my watch and I get up to go to the john. He's up and showering and I slip back to sleep, a bit too much wine last night, and then up at 8:50 and leave after a good pork chop and toast and orange juice at 9:15 to get up to 90th to give the two books to Faye, who said she thought the letter was perfect, and then to the 96th express and get home with my new Manhattan White Pages and my umbrella, so I don't go shopping, just put things away, shower to wash up for Susan, then start lightwork at 10:30, pausing to give Rolf a report on Mohonk for him and Paul, pausing to listen to Dennis saying that Mrs. Johnson said he wouldn't be able to move in THIS week, maybe NEXT week, and the two lesbian friends of Michael didn't want the apartment, but someone named Paul is coming this evening to look at it. End lightwork at 11:30 when Susan comes in, laden with green peaches, and smoking her last cigarette, and she flips out over my Actualism article, but loving the "golden computer" analogy, too. Then she has to go to the bank, so she leaves at 1:55, when I mark the rest of Solar Heating to 2:05, type the 133 cards (thank goodness over 100) from 2:10-2:30, and start editing until 3:05 when she returns, and she gets onto the table at 3:15 and I give her a good session (see DIARY 13396) until 4:03, off the table at 4:15, and then we're out to find the Hungarian place closed at 4:30, so across to Capulet's where I have good bread and butter, fishy-fatted french fries (but dark and tasty anyway), and dry and crunchy herb and mushroom omelet that's a bit too herby for my taste, and she has very fishy sole in wine sauce, and we leave at 5:25, I buy meat and a sifter, getting back at 5:32 to find Dorothy not there yet, relieved, so I glance through Omni and she phones, and Manuela phoned from Harper and Row with another index, and I'm going tomorrow at 2 to see about rewriting an EDP manual. Dorothy phones at 6, saying she thought it was 6:30, and I'm just finishing Omni when she DOES come in at 6:30 with fruit (see DIARY 13397), and she leaves at 9:40, when I come in to catch up on the diary with these 4 pages that I finish at 10:25, ready for WHAT? Put things away, fix up the bodywork table, then get involved in re-reading all of Pope's astrology charts for me, checking if any of the dates PREDICTED for turning points were turning points (they weren't), and that takes till 11:15, when I'm hungry and put on the tuna to warm, finishing the editing of Solar Heating from 11:15-11:40, then eat tuna with wine and cassis, getting into bed at 12 with porno and popper and rubber band, jerking off somewhat nicely to 12:25, then I get to sleep.

DIARY 13400

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 15. Wake chilly; it seems that summer is mostly over, at 9:10, shit while reading more of New York Magazine, then sit for lightwork at 9:40, Dennis calls to say Agalov has to rent apartment! I sit till 10:40 and come up with a glorious idea about "seeing" inside the body which leads to "seconds per second" idea of an article for Omni (see DIARY 13399), and type these 2 pages by 11:20, putting hamburger on. Telephone McGraw-Hill at 11:30 to find that Mrs. Ferguson is out, too, and that takes ten minutes to add to the bill. Eat lunch quickly and type the solar heating index from 12-12:30, all 7 pages, and finish up from 12:30-1, deciding the billing can't be more than $72, so essentially I'm delivering it free. Get out at 1:30 and get to Writer's Alliance at 2:05 to look at an Accounts Payable system that's "the puzzle pieces without the picture on the box," and leave at 2:35 with them fairly impressed with me (and at $10 per hour, they should be). Then up to Lester Strong (not very) and get page 8 and fill it in in about 5 minutes, then subway to the post office to find nothing AGAIN, pick up meat for the weekend (and I'd phoned Pope when I very definitely "got" that he was home, and he'd gotten in YESTERDAY and had just been clipping stamps off mail for me when I called OUT OF THE BLUE), and get back to put things from the index away, read the mail while eating a huge peach that Dorothy brought, put on the pork shoulder for Dennis, who called to say that he was coming over for dinner, and finally get to the Lipids index from 4:50-6:20, making good time by marking 118 pages to 90 minutes. Dennis came in then, ON TIME, and we ate pork and frozen broccoli, not bad, and applesauce and grapes and plums for dessert, and wine, and left at 7:10 to get to ATL at 7:45 with almost NO ONE there at the start, so we sit in the front center seats and Hanya Holm sits next to us with her "girlfriend" and two other women come and talk continually with her, and then the program goes from 8:08-9:46 (see DIARY 13401), and I think it's pretty good but Dennis thinks he does too much of the same thing. Subway back to my place by 10:05, having gotten the subway instantly, and I want to watch Ali win the Ali-Spinks rematch, but Dennis is asleep when it's over at 11:15, and I've finished the Cherry Heering and feel pretty good, so lay thinking until about 12, when I finally fall asleep, not doing lightwork to put me to sleep QUICKER!

DIARY 13399


Eyes closed during bodywork, I want to "see," for example, my testicle, but then the idea bothers me: if my EYES could be placed INSIDE my scrotum, I would see only darkness ANYWAY, since THAT WAVELENGTH OF LIGHT THAT MY EYE CAN SEE doesn't penetrate the skin of the scrotum. So it would either be an IMAGINARY seeing: a seeing INDEPENDENT of the ACTUAL testicle, though it may be accurate as an IMAGE, or seeing the ACTUAL testicle IN ANOTHER KIND OF LIGHT. Think of the Theosophy and Actualism emphasis on "different frequencies" and encounter the familiar "well, all frequencies are on a continuum anyway, so a lower LIGHT frequency would just be a different color, just as a lower frequency in the SOUND range is a different NOTE or TONE (interesting anagrams---enot/ENTO/eont/eotn/eton/etno/neot/neto/NOET/NOTE/nteo/ntoe/oent/oetn/onet ONTE/OTEN/otne/teno/tneo/tnoe/toen/TONE)." Then think of a different "kind" of frequency that would run ALONGSIDE the normal electromagnetic spectrum, which could be said to move, in time, at ONE SECOND PER SECOND. But next to that could be a spectrum moving at ONE-HALF SECOND PER SECOND, which would take twice as (own) long to go as long in (their) events; or two seconds per second, which would go twice as fast as events in our time, and our "time rate" would OBSCURE their "time rate," in ordinary conditions, unless our CLOSED eyes could BYPASS our CLOSING EYELIDS and "see" at the adjacent rate! [DETAILED DRAWING] So if my EYES could switch to the TWO-SECONDS-PER-SECOND track, and look at ANYTHING inside on the two-seconds-per-second track, all the intervening one-second-per-second structures would be invisible (eyelids, scrotum, etc), and the two-second-per-second light would illuminate both the eye and the scrotum and I could SEE it, without quotes around the word. DISTANCES might not be the same on that track, since Cayce would see bodies BEFORE him, though his eyes weren't near those organs on THIS frequency track. And since OUR "dimension" of frequencies is continuous and relatively limitless (what's beyond---slower than---one time per eternity, as written in some OTHER DIARY page?), so that PERPENDICULAR dimension is continuous and relatively limitless. A GREAT INTERESTING IDEA. Also, the "units" of the frequency in parallel tracks would be "unitless," since ANY N sec/sec would have the seconds cancel, and the "property" would be a "unitless" PURE NUMBER. DRAWING the figure on the right reminds me of Wheeler's "cosmic needle," and there could be other "realities" with the same "thread" (see ABOVE)!!

DIARY 13403

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 16. Dennis is up before the alarm rings at 8, and I get up after he gets out of the shower, at 8:20, thinking to get to work, and when I'd ASKED him yesterday about his fantasies for the weekend, he didn't say anything, but NOW he says that he'd like to go to an Equity tryout at 10, wanting to get there early, so I put on the onions to fry for an omelet and the bacon to broil and get out the juice and mix the eggs, but it's 9:10 by the time we eat and 9:30 by the time he leaves, and I'm about through the dishes by then, and then shit and look through New York Magazine, and get down to typing up the dream of stamps and coins and chocolate cake from this morning (see DIARY 13402) and finish these three pages by 10:50---late! Get right into the Lipid index, marking 119-148 from 10:50-11:15, typing 312 cards from 11:15-12:05, marking pages 149-283 from 12:05-1:35, going great, typing 252 cards from 1:35-2:15, beginning to feel limp and weary in my right shoulder, as if my forearm were losing all feeling. But continue with marking 284-424 from 2:15-3:55, taking off 10 minutes to talk to Dennis on the telephone, and he says he won't be over tonight to watch the first part of "King Kong." Type 199 cards from 3:55-4:30, mark the rest from 4:30-6:15, type the rest from 6:15-6:55, take some time off to drink some water and wash my face and put on the ham for the TV watching and dinner, and edit about 1/2 the cards from 7-9, which is pretty great, and then cut off ham during the first intermission, thinking there's a LOT on the island and then read in TV Guide that they added 65 minutes to the 135-minute film, much of it stuff from the island that had been cut, and it took about 90 minutes to just get STARTED with good native muscular bodies. Not bad facial expressions when he blows her dry from the shower, and then I take score of where I am from 11:05-11:10, and I only have about 7 hours to go! Then show myself the Eroticus movie and come with rubber bands around my cock, but so intensely that I can hardly feel it, and wipe myself off and drop off to sleep doing quite a bit of lightwork, so I get to sleep about 1:15, thankful that I'll be able to do ALL I want to this weekend.

DIARY 13404

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 17. Wake about 8:30 and do a bit of lightwork between dozes, and get out of bed at 9:10 to get right to the editing, which I finish by 10:30, faster by far on the second half, and then I phone Dennis and arrange to meet him at Canal and Bowery at 1:30, and phone Don, Andre, Avi, Rolf, Joan, and Pope to go with us, but they're either busy or not at home, so I shower and get out about 12:50 and get to the bank to watch the people wandering past, and 1:30 comes and 2 pm comes and at 2:10 I figure he's either horribly late, having sex, or got the wrong corner, so I get into the Silver Palace myself for awkward orders of 3, 4, but a few 2 and some 1-portion things that ends up costing me $5.75 with tip, but I've had enough to eat, since I was HUNGRY before. Then walk up to the Italian Fair, spending $8 on the Silver Cascade, feeling sheepish as I leave, and the place is as good for the GUYS as it is for the GAMES (see DIARY 13405). Leave about 4:15 and subway back to pick up a TV Guide, glance through it to find that they ARE doing "Dumbo" at 7, and type 32 pages from 5-7, taking 10 minutes out to read the TV Guide to make sure I'm not missing anything earlier, and then put on "Walt Disney World" (and Dennis had phoned from Christopher Street, saying that he'd been talking to Doris and they got there only at 2:15 and had waited until 3, while I checked back about 3:10, but then he went to sleep at 10:30, so he was probably having sex) and watch good excerpts from "Snow White," "Katherine Hepburn the shepherdess / Laughton the ships' captain / Marx Brothers the fiddlers three/etc" and then the first part of "Dumbo" before Rolf rings at 8 and we turn to "Battlestar Galactica," which turns out to be so SLOW about 9:15 that I turn to "King Kong" and we watch THAT a bit, and he JUST caught the "pink elephants" section of "Dumbo" during an intermission, and then Dennis phoned down for pizza at 9:30 that I paid $7 for and Rolf paid 50 for the tip, and we ate that, continued flicking back and forth for a FABULOUS evening (see DIARY 13406), then watch "Son of Kong" until 1, during which time Rolf leaves, and I get into bed, then out to get out stuff for Akhnaton, in case Dennis wants to buy tickets tomorrow, and do lots of lightwork before falling asleep about 1:30.

DIARY 13407

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 18. Dennis shuts alarm off before it rings at 8, and I make hamburger and squash (reading about how bad eggs are in the Lipids book had to have SOME effect), and he continues eating while I get to proofing from 8:40-9:15, then type the rest of the 48 pages from 9:25-11, finishing up the lists and bills, and then try Susan McMahon, Rodie Siegler, and Dick Sime for lunch, but they're all busy, so I sort through Hungarian stamps for both Marcia Merryman Means and Joan Ann De Mattia's mother, getting 122 each, from about 12-2, and shower and get things together and typed the page for the third JOYI mailing (see DIARY 13418) (for those who didn't understand directions), and get out about 2:15 in the cool drizzly air, get to Raven to turn in the stuff, get profusely thanked from Marcia, who did NOT offer me any of the fabulous stamps she had in her drawer, and xeroxed about 300 pages of MacPhee stuff from Arnie's New Yorkers and 27 mailings, and get out at 4 to subway down to Cinema Village for "Woman of Paris" (see DIARY 13408) and "La Chienne," almost falling asleep during both of them, and out at 7:30 to subway home in the nearly-drizzle, getting in at 8 to read all the loads of mail, finding there are now TWO starts of indexes in, and decide I want to catch up on this anyway, so I do these four pages (last two before this just the headlines to get the page numbers straight) by 8:57, ready for "Audrey Rose." The CONVICTION that Marsha Mason and Anthony Hopkins brought to their parts seemed the best part of the movie, and I felt that THOSE circumstances demanded that there be reincarnation, and the BELIEF at the end brought tears to my eyes, though Mason was STUPID not to accept the hypnosis test, which in turn was STUPID for killing her, and HOW Hopkins knew "her soul was at rest" was frustratingly unexplained. But I thought it was a great TV movie, though there seemed to be a LOT of commercials at the end, and it didn't go on until 9:30, after I ate ham starting to read some of the MacPhee, because of the president's message, and when I turned to Channel 13 when it was over at 11:50, there was no "Tosca" on 13, and Dennis called at 12 while I was jerking off, and I got back to it with Lotion and came all over very quickly with great porno, and I'm thinking of ordering more of THAT, too, since some of the new models are REALLY so humpy. Started lightwork and slept INSTANTLY at 1 am.

DIARY 13419

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19. Up fairly late, probably about 9, then do lightwork for about an hour, get into typing one diary page but didn't finish it because the phone rang, or something, and I phoned St. Marks for the schedule at 12:30, had decided I wouldn't take more acupuncture from Hsu unless I NEEDED it for some reason, probably had hamburger for breakfast, showered, and phoned Joan Ann to find what to do with the stamps, like leave them in the Actualism office, and THAT NIGHT she and Bob Dukes and Michael Molthen were getting together for a class-meditation at 10, so Bob wanted to do me earlier, and I phoned him but he was out, but then he phoned ME and said I could get to his place anytime after 6:30, which was great, and I kept moaning about not having time to scrub the kitchen and bathroom since LAST week, but got out at 1:30, subwayed to Astor Place and walked over to the St. Marks to buy a Milky Way bar and a packet of ambrosia for 95, sheer perversity, and "Madame Satan" was colorful at the end with the zeppelin taking off in the lightning storm and breaking up, throwing everyone into the parachutes or the reservoir, though boring while the petty jealousies of the husband and wife were being aired, and "Squaw Man" was just TERRIBLY slow with Warner Baxter taking off to Arizona and marrying Lupe Velez and having a kid who was then taken off to England to grow up, so Velez shot herself. Fabulous! Almost slept through it, and the dirty old men coming closer from two seats away didn't help, and I did a SECOND batch of Peanut Butter Cups and Twin Saltines, then left at 6:05 and pleasantly wandered up First Avenue munching an ice cream cone, enjoying the angles of the city and the legs of the runners and assorted crotches and chests, and get to Bob Dukes' at 6:45 to have him open the door (his buzzer STILL didn't work) shirtless from the shower, and THAT activated me for his body session (see DIARY 13420), and we chatted about his "earth point" meeting on Thursday that I was tempted to go to just for HIM, and then at 9:20 I was home to turn on "Airport 77" (having finished "Autumn of the Patriarch" with its final 53-page sentence on the subway) to see everyone floundering underwater, and such films are just HYPNOTIC, no matter HOW badly they're done, and that goes on until 11, then I have popcorn or maybe jerk off, then watch "Murder," with Herbert Marshall proving that the rather unpleasant acrobat murdered the woman who knew he was a half-caste, bed at 1:30, fatigued.

DIARY 13421

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 20. Wake about 8:30 and do lightwork until 9:45 or so, then shower and get stuff together and do whatever it is that I do do until Amy buzzes at 10:40, and she looks great and cheerful and we talk about her trip to California and do her body (see DIARY 13422) until about 12:30, when she has to leave to meet someone, and I get down for the mail and get two MORE checks, so I make out the forms for the BOTH banks and fuss around until about 1:30, and there's NO one in EITHER bank, so I can cash the JOYI checks quickly and the other checks quickly without even having to read "Bite," which I've now graduated to, and over to the post office to find a letter with a photo, then decide that since I'm out I'll go over to A&S and see what I can find out about video recorders, and find there are at least 7 brands (Sony / JVC / Quasar / Panasonic / RCA / Magnavox / Zenith) though they imply only 2 manufacturers (Sony for less than 4 hours, Panasonic for 4 hours), so things are shaking out already, but the "bargain" at A&S is a JVC Vidstar for $829), and everything lists $995, too much. I'd checked Korvettes for bedroom slippers, and then get VERY intrigued by the marquee at the Loew's Metropolitan for "Warriors of Atlantis" and "Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger" and I get in at 3:15 for the middle of "Warriors" and stay through till 6:45, finding it an interesting experience (see DIARY 13423), then stop at Donut House for a BLT which is delicious and a root beer with a maple donut, sheer TRASH, and laugh about it with Maureen when I take the A train and get there early to read the "Project Earth Point" file and decide I DON'T want to be involved in it (see DIARY 13424), and then class is VERY activating (see DIARY 13425) for the last one in first advanced, and I get out at 10:20 and buy a cold bottle for dinner and find at 10:45 that I've missed the "pulling out of the plane in Airport 77," and Dennis is into weeding out books, which I'm glad I don't want any of, reading new recipes, and we have stoneware "London broil" which is his mother's dry Swiss steak, but the scritchies are good, and then we've drunk lots, he's smoked, and we get into cock and both come to exhaustion by about 1:15, making a big deal about this being the LAST time at his place, and he's already "detached himself" from W. 88th and looks forward to Hicks.

DIARY 13426

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 21. We leave his place about 9:30 after breakfast, making a big thing about saying goodbye to the apartment (he running around waving his arms in the air like Irene Worth in that awful "Cherry Orchard"), and goodbye to the subway, and he joins me on the express which takes a LONG time and has NO seats, and I get in to shower and clear things away by 10:30, but Susan calls about 11 to say that she hadn't been feeling well, so she'll be over about 12, so I bring up the mail and read things until she arrives at 12, and she gets into talking about HER problems at work so strongly (see DIARY 13427) that we don't get to my body session until 2:20, and I call Amy and leave word for her not to show up until 3:30-4, and she comes at 3:35 when Susan is STILL working over me, getting angry at her, and then Susan has to leave, letting me sit on the table until 4, for another appointment and I apologize to Amy, who's resentful because she wanted it, and we chat for a few seconds and then DO it (see DIARY 13428) until 5:10, when she has to leave to get groceries and cook for a friend of hers who's coming over at 6. I'm bouncing around recuperating when Rolf calls and says we have to talk about the computers for options and indexing, and I say to come over this evening, and he comes over about 6:30 and talks till 10 (see DIARY 13429), when I turn on Richard E. Byrd, rather dry and boring, and then talk to John Vinton in the hall and he'd be interested in indexing if it paid him $20/hour, and then get back in to see Fannie Hurst's "house within an apartment house" on CPW in the 60s or 70s with a two-story ceiling and lots of dogs, filmed in 1954. Then eat and make popcorn and probably munch on peanut butter, as I've killed almost a jar of it in two weeks, and then watch "The Awful Truth" which is a classic per AVI AND TV Guide, and Cary Grant's quite a bit better than Irene Dunne, though she's funny as "Lola Warriner," Cary's ditzy sister who does the bumps and southern accent of a trollop rather convincingly. That goes till 1, interrupted with Dennis's call at 12:20 to watch animal trainer Jim Fowler with a lizard, a hissing beetle, and a few other critters that Dennis loves, and he's busy packing for the move, and I maybe jerk off before falling asleep, wondering when I'll be getting ANYTHING done besides movie-going and body-working!

DIARY 13430

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 22. Wake to jot down dreams (see DIARY 13431), and then out of bed about 9 to do a good hour in lightwork, then ending it with frustration because it takes so long to get to the END, taking notes on the ideas that came to me in THAT (see DIARY 13432), and then Amy calls to say I should make it later, and I say that I was planning to call her for the address, and she says it's good I called, she would have put on the service if the phone had rung, and I find where she is and take out the laundry to be done, and it's ready to POUR rain, and get to her place about 11:30 for an INCREDIBLE reading (see DIARY 13409-113417) that she tells me to write down so that I can get goodies from it during the coming week, and I leave at 1:45, quite dazed, and get home to put on the last of the hamburger and defrost the refrigerator and clean that up and type the 9 pages of the reading, interrupting at 2:50 to call Paul Pasmantier who's left for the day, and talking to others on the phone, but don't get to anything else, even the JOYI #3 mailing that I should get off, and the time goes until it's 5:30 and I get out for some meat and half-and-half for Dennis and pick up the laundry and get back at 5:45 in the drizzle, and the buzzer goes and it's Arthur Ellenbogen, saying he's early because his watch was dropped in his "drawer room," and this is only the first of a series of tales he tells (see DIARY 13433) through the evening, and I give him a body session that he likes, and we're talking when Dennis buzzes about 8, and they seem to click, Arthur gets out the Tarot cards to read for Dennis (fabulous success and spirituality and happiness), Rhoda (surprisingly faithful), and me (culminating with failure (of brain-mind, I guess) and RUIN (the death of the body, I guess, since those are the two that I cherish NOW the most)), and then Dennis is hungry and it's 10:10 and we're out in a drizzle to Bilqis where Arthur drinks more than his share of the carafe of white wine and we eat decent food until 11, when he subways home and we're back here for him to smoke and we get into cocks, me REALLY reaming out cock to shoot, and we get to sleep in the newly-sheeted bed with the ELECTRIC BLANKET on first (on the bed, not the current on as yet) evening of this AUTUMN, and time PASSES!

DIARY 13435

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 23. I wake about 8 but can't muster the concentration for lightwork much before Dennis wakes at 8:45 and I guess we didn't come last night, since we're into our cocks with great concentration this morning and both come very juicily: me jerking myself off just before HE comes. Then up at 9:30 and he showers and I sauté onions and cut up the last of the rather smelly bacon and add only 4 eggs because he says he's only middling hungry, and he tells me about the party tonight which I don't feel much like going to, but he says that someone who'll be there knows lots about tape videorecorders, and then I could talk to Andrea about the index, I suppose, so I determine to get a lot done today, but he doesn't leave until 12:30, and then I start putting things away from the messy top of my desk and get involved in lots of petty items, and end up going through the top drawer and transferring most of the stuff into a FILE BOX which contains cards cut for headings and cards forming supports for calling cards of various sizes, and it goes well enough, but takes a couple of hours and doesn't do what I SHOULD be doing. Rolf calls and we talk for about an hour and a half, or maybe even two hours, about programming possibilities for indexing (see DIARY 13436), and then I call Dennis, who's into packing, Linda's friend had come over to take pictures of the back rooftop and had stopped to help him pack, getting more boxes when needed, and it was going well but he might not spend much time at the party. So I decided not to go, got into JOYI files and ended up mailing out 15 JOYI #3 letters, feeling good about it, and then (oh, had watched "Journey to Adventure" with films on Nepal that weren't very good from 1:30-2) re-watch the Philadelphia Ballet (I'd seen it before, but inertia kept the set on) in "Grosse Fugue" (funny and sexy), "Adagio Hammerklavier" (too slow with Tucci and Rhodes), "Concerto Barocco" (somewhat better), and a Men's Dance by Van Manen with men in skirts to Vivaldi again, and then watch "Footsteps of the Buddha," rather trivializing, but it makes me NOT want a video recorder (see DIARY 13434), so it's somewhat good. Then eat something, finish mailing, throw out numbers of old index cards and repack empty cartons, then get into jerking off with "strange" porno, rather exciting, and come nicely and sleep about 1:30, after not being able to sleep at 12:30 after coming from 12-12:30, and read another story from the Weinburg book, THEN had no trouble sleeping. Not much lightwork now!

DIARY 13437

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 24. Wake at 7:30 to jot down an est-dream, then at 8:45 to jot more dreams (see DIARY 13438), and get out of bed about 10 to fuss around apartment, get a call from Dennis, watch Camera Three with Al Carmines in Revolutionary War folksongs, and then phone Pope about going to Atlantic Antic, and take garbage down after having hamburger for breakfast, reading the Reader's Digest book fast, and we walk along Hicks at 1:30, meeting Rolf outside, who's going to drink the pleasant day away, and the junk quickly fills up my mind reminding me of the note I jotted about so great a QUANTITY OF DATA AND IMAGES (see DIARY 13439), and we get up to the jail at 2 to see the Carroll Dance Theatre doing "A Wrinkle in Time," which is suddenly the BOOK by L'Engle, and the little boy's been changed to a little GIRL with the name CAROL ANN, which is a bit much, but the thing is rather embarrassing with white tights and crotches and amateurishness on the street, much more dramatic is the skateboard ramp with no safety precautions whatsoever. Otherwise it's food, books, tee-shirts and clothing, junk, dishes, utensils, hawkers, shouters, self-seekers, furniture, wall hangings, rubbish, over-amped bands, clowns, crowds, baby carriages, bicycles, and only a few neat bodies. So we came back about 3:15, I went to the PO to mail the JOYI letters and pick up one "addressee unknown" and got back to actually type 5 diary pages (at last!), but not nearly up to date, before getting a call from Dennis about tips to the movers, from Mrs. Johnson about his moving in today, from Lea about Bob's building, and at 5 watch Vladimir Horowitz in an impressive Rachmaninoff 3rd Piano Concerto, then a GREAT TV video-movie by David Small from Teleview Ltd, or something, and then watch "Busting," VERY stupid with Robert Blake and Elliott Gould as "damned if you do and damned if you don't" vice squad people who quit at LAST after a laughing Rizzo is obviously going to get away with porno, pimping, and cocaine smuggling. Begin watching "Battlestar Galactica" when Dennis buzzes at 8:05, sweaty and tired, so we cuddle and hug and talk about it, I make spaghetti and meat while he showers, we have wine, then down to his place, thankfully not smelling or damp or even that awful-dark looking in the night, and have cassis to welcome the place, then up about 10:30 to smoke, I shower, he reads new JOYI letter, he gets into cock and comes about 11:30, but I don't feel like doing anything, so don't, no lightwork TODAY!

DIARY 13432


Working with elaborate lines of force connecting the dynamics and magnetics as if these were on the SAME side, but it occurs to me that they might be turned to FACE (JUST AS IN GATHERING, THE PHRASE IS "TURN TO"!!!---just thought of that NOW) each other, so that it's a simple sweep out to the side, as it is in the group work with the teacher facing the student(s). And it feels much better to look at it this way, too, since otherwise you'd be in a "nested spoon" position, leading one to ask "who's fucking who?" when it comes to deciding who's nested inside who. But the "face to face" method seems much more direct and simple, and operatively cleaner, and probably true. Then I think of frequencies again, maybe connected with thoughts about DIARY 13399, and tried to think of a sine-wave going around a sphere again, which had come out to be a figure 8 before, and this time it seems to come out a CIRCLE, which is appealing since it would mean that in a CERTAIN dimension, a frequency wave isn't GOING anywhere, they'd just be making larger and larger, or smaller and smaller, CIRCLES, and it occurs to me at THIS instant that THESE CIRCLES MAY BE WHEELER'S particles and properties of particles being produced SIMPLY BY THE ACTION OF GEOMETRY ON EMPTY SPACE. FREQUENCY (some distance per some time periodicity) seems to be so BASIC that it's appealing to work with, and I wonder what kind of FREQUENCY would lead to a CIRCLE which would have the diameters of protons and electrons and quarks! THAT would imply ever-nested Chinese boxes, too, since there's not any EASY upward limit of frequency as there is of LOWER frequencies (one per universe, as referred to from some earlier page, on DIARY 13399), since ANY NUMBER of cycles per second seems possible at the speed of light, just making VERY small entities, much smaller than quarks, unless there IS some basic time unit, as described somewhere else, but that recedes as science gets "closer and closer" merging into the undefinability of observation so totally affecting activity that it becomes a model of LIFE: OBSERVATION OF WHICH MAKES IT GO, DISTURBS IT, SO ONLY THE CESSATION OF OBSERVATION OF LIFE WOULD RESULT IN THE STOPPING OF NATURE---if YOU stop the world, EVERYONE WILL GET OFF!

DIARY 13445

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26. Alarm goes at 7:20 and we cuddle loosely till 7:30, when I put on TV, watch Barbara Lea (see DIARY 13443) until 9 while having eggs and muffins and coffee, and then he goes off to work, I start on the diary pages after glancing through Hubert's recipes and TV Guide until about 10, then John rings about December 1, I phone Rolf about the indexing project again (see DIARY 13444), and finish typing these 5 pages by 11:35. Then I type up an indexer resume (see DIARY 13446) and three pages of my Actualism report before Second Advanced (see DIARY 13447-13449). That ends about 2, then I go out to buy groceries, surprised that the clerk is SO activated by my slight impatience about a woman's cashing a check, and come back to put things away, take a shower, have hamburger for lunch, then look at the mail before Pat comes in at 4:30, bright and cheery, and we chat for a bit and she does the NHS on me (see DIARY 13450), leaving about 6:30, which gives me time to finish looking at the mail and TV Guide which I bought at the supermarket, then get out about 7:05 to get to Actualism for the men's session, which turns out to be VERY enlightened because of the body session, and I see this CUTE guy across the way who turns out to be Ken Miller, who just moved onto Remsen Street! I schedule a body session for NHS for Saturday, since I want to see how much I should subject to being pummeled, but then find I have Arthur that afternoon on me, so I should cancel. Then after the GREAT meeting (see DIARY 13451), Bruce offers to drive me to the Heights with a detour to the East Village, so Ken goes off by subway, saying that Bruce takes a long time, and Michael Molthen (who didn't know about the Carroll Dance Theater either) and I and Bruce ride down to Broadway and 14th talking about places for Actualism, and I come up with the idea that the Bossert and the St. George should be checked! Into the subway after waiting a long while, and there's Mark and Arnie just coming from "Crucifer of Blood," and I chat with them getting off the subway and there's Ken, who bright-eyed takes me over, Mark waves goodbye, and I say he can't come up, but he says to get in touch, and I get up to find Dennis making clam sauce for spaghetti at 11 pm, and we have that and his tomato, then he smokes and we get to bed and have GREAT sex, me breathing unusually heavily to come nicely, maybe because of the pelvic freeing, and we get to sleep about 1 am, pleased.

DIARY 13458

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27. He wakes horny and we have sex again, both coming nicely. I don't feel at ALL hungry, still feeling full, so I plead with him not to make me get up, and he has coffee and will have something to eat before he goes to work "since I'll be hungry before the morning's over." I get up about 9:30, feeling very draggy, and decide that at LEAST I can get to scouring the kitchen and bathroom and taking THAT off the list, so I scour the bathroom tub, then the kitchen sink, which is a mistake, because I go get the Spic and Span for the kitchen floor when the filth of the cabinet underneath gets to me and I start moving things out in order to wash them out completely, finding surprisingly few roaches but lots of their shit, and wash and scour the floor and walls and then want to COMBINE things nicely, so I start taking things out of the top of the cabinet, and find that I HAVE a warming tray, when I thought I didn't and borrowed one from John for chili here for a group, and think to give the broiler to Dennis when I see that it's an oven on the other side, and I decide to clean it, scraping down all my fingernails to the quick to get off a slab of paint on the back without scratching the chrome, which takes ages, and I find that it looks so great and seems to work so well that I decide to KEEP it, putting on hamburger for lunch to find that it works with lots LESS spitting than the oven and it seems to TASTE better. Feel great about finding two such items, then finish washing the floor and cross THAT item off the list about 3:30, amazed that it multiplied into scrubbing the hallway floor and outsides of the kitchen cabinets and refrigerator. Then decide to work on the indexing specs, since Rolf called to say that he'd gotten an OFFER from Datamatics and he might take it, and then Dennis called to say he found a great hi-fi on 14th Street and he needs the money from the drawer and help, but I say he can probably wrangle it into a cab himself and I'm too busy to bring the money, "You know I'm lazy," but I make sure "OK?" and he says it is, somewhat reluctantly. Bruce calls and suggests Capulets for Bluegrass at 8:30, but I say I don't know Dennis's schedule yet, so he calls at 8:15 from the neighborhood, and I say come up, and I've done LOTS of work on the indexing specs, feeling GOOD about it, and he comes over and we're down to Dennis's to find he's not there, leave him a note, then up for me to change clothes and we're to Roger Sprung (who looks like the "Guys and Dolly" comic Frank Gorshin) and Progressive Bluegrass, where honey-blond Rich (?) Smith is just as pretty as can be on mandolin. Dennis comes in at 9:30, we leave at 10 for Bruce to give Dorothy Kent a body session, and we're passing and Dennis says "You read my mind" when I suggest Old Hungary, and up for a FULL combination plate of GOOD food, bed at 1, VERY full, and TIRED.

DIARY 13459

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 28. Woke with an INCREDIBLE dream fragment (see DIARY 13461). Since DIARY 13458 describes THIS breakfast, let THIS describe yesterday's breakfast: I broil bacon and make french toast that's pretty good with the corn and molasses bread. Dennis is back to say that the phone truck is outside, so maybe I don't have to let in the phone man, and I look back at the index specs and decide that I should continue going through the Pediatrics and Microbiology indexes to find information, and I put it into the form of COMMANDS, which seems even closer to final specification, and that goes until 1:30, when Susan calls to say that she's been having a busy day (see DIARY 13460) and will be here about 2:30, and I say that's fine, having some hamburger on the broiler again, and I can BARELY listen to her tale of woe, though Amy's point that people move differently from me helps a lot. She talks so much about Actualism's new quarters that I suggest the Pierrepont (Catholic Charities only), Bossert (they won't know until October 15, too late), and St. George (they won't be finished in a year) and the Margaret, which won't be finished either, and I can take THAT off the list. She finally gets on the table and has another incredible session that even I have to laugh at, hearing myself talk like Michael in refusing to go with her for a day's shopping-around for Actualism space, and she's finished about 6:30. I go down to get the mail (and 4 Playgirls and about 20 After Darks from Bill Wolf, and a blanket for Dennis, when someone in his building died, he offered books to Arnie, who told him of me) with her, and am reading it when Dennis calls to ask "What plans do you have for this evening?" I say "None" and he invites me down to dinner about 10, and I finish mail and do some spare reading, in all the GREAT books, taking HOURS just to turn the pages and get horny but don't get to either the diary OR the pile of carbons on my desk for a few days now, but rig up the start of a pulley system for messages via the dumbwaiter, pleased when my 80+ feet ends up JUST on the floor of his apartment from my ringtop-opening loop, and come back for wine when he has none, bringing glasses for a celebration, and he makes sort of mediocre chicken with peaches, though the peach juice is great on the rice and the green beans are perfectly cooked, and then we're up to my place for bed, both quite tired, so I don't think I have sex, though he may have come, but it seems maybe he didn't since even HE was horny tomorrow morning and I got so excited I came to porno TWICE yesterday, but bed about 12:30 relatively early.

DIARY 13462

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 29. Up with memories of dreams (see DIARY 13463) and so many OTHER things that they whirl through my mind while I'm making Dennis soft-boiled eggs, since again I seem to be full from last night's meal, and then sit at the typewriter just to get the things OUT about SO MUCH GOING ON (see DIARY 13453-13456). John buzzes in the middle to ask me if I want to go to Hemlock Hall as I said I did last night, and I say there's too much going on, and then talk to him about 10 minutes about the specs for the computer indexing program, which seems to agree with him for the most part, except that he keeps insisting that nothing will come of it for at least a year, and he's taken another job currently, and then continue typing until about 11:15, when Rolf comes in, and we talk until about 3:30, Springer calling with another short index, so that's two today with Terry's first this morning, and he likes what I've done, thinks it'll take about a week to come up with solid specs, thinks the system will cost about $7,000 to buy, and then Dennis calls AGAIN, this time wanting me to come to Lafayette to buy another super stereo system, and I say no, but still with the "OK?" and a more grudging OK. Out to deposit a check, pick up a check for $12 from the first respondent to JOYI 3, get a free reel adaptor for my too-big Super 8 reel, buy two bottles of champagne, and get meat and groceries, then back to pick up the mail and read through that, and feel so horny that I come a second time with porno, enjoying Target film for shooting, but it STILL runs slow motion, feeling good about it but feeling that it DOES take a lot of time. Type 5 pages through the day, but leave the fifth in the typewriter for a couple of days. Shower and shave and get ready for the trip tomorrow, Dennis calls to say he'll be seeing a double at the Thalia of film noir, he's going to the Danbury Fair tomorrow, then make pork chops and sit to watch another episode of "The Incredible Hulk," and Ferrigno has taken to pulling OFF his shirt so that his green body can show best, but there's just not that MUCH of him, because they're concentrating so hard on making everyone sympathetic and human and emotion-filled. Phone Don to make sure it's OK, then get to his place at 9:45 to have wine and talk about poor Ernie's efforts to take up old baseboards which dirtied lots of Don's drawers, my current problems with Dennis, and we chat till midnight, when I flop into his black-satined bed, too tired to do aught but sleep.

DIARY 13464

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 30. Wake at 4:40 to sounds from the kitchen where Ernie is feeding the dogs, and then he's in to call me and I crawl out of bed feeling vaguely hung-over from the night before, have some orange juice and Triscuits, and we're into the car at 5:30, gaping at the "old moon in the new moon's arms" in the perfectly dark sky, and quickly through the tunnel and through New Jersey, meeting no traffic, chatting about the place he wants to go without telling us about it, on Friday, and get into line as they're opening a new parking lot, so we just barrel into place, pay the 50 for parking, and get out at 6:30 to the INCREDIBLE ENGLISHTOWN FLEA MARKET (see DIARY 13465). Leave at 2, going very slowly in traffic and turning about a few times when he misremembers the way to NYC, but he drops me off at the 72nd Street subway station at 3:25 and I carry my paper and books home to buy more groceries and pick up laundry and dump everything all over the place just to wash my neck at 4:20 and get ready for Arthur Ellenbogen who rings at 4:35, just when I'm first ready for him, and he gives me some Bach Flower Remedy for soothing the pain on my neck and we talk for a long while and he gets me on the table to do a diagram-less oil and vibrator (see DIARY 13466). When he finished I just sat quietly while he drank D-cell and talked away, and finally left at 7:10, at which time I quickly changed and ran out to subway to meet Amy and schedule an 11 am body session tomorrow to the 8th Street Playhouse and the enormous line waiting for tickets for the last showing, so I decide not to see "Aguirre" this time around (since it's so populated it'll probably be back---unless people were seeing "An American Friend") and I decide to shop Wise's (which closes at 8, usually, 8:30 on Saturday) for paperbacks, buying "Merlyn" and "Tao of Physics" which I'd thought to buy but hadn't before, buying them for 25% off, and two more off my want list: Roth's "Professor of Desire" and Fowles' "Daniel Martin." Then across to 8th Street Bookstore for indexing books but they have none, glance at "Men in Ballet," with a big-cocked Flemming Flindt, a book of the cartoon of "Lord of the Rings," then buy two paperbacks for $16.50 at Christopher St. after searching lots of repetitions, then turn on Channel 13 at 9:50 for a fabulous TV-short with Ron Hayes imagery, then "Man Who Knew Too Much" (and I would have preferred the snotty daughter to REMAIN kidnapped (so the parent's wouldn't tell how to prevent the killing of the guy in Albert Hall at the cymbal crash) since she tripped up the champion skier running after her dog and cost the mother the skeet shooting championship (which came in handy when she had to pick off the villain after her housetop daughter at the end) by shouting loudly, and Peter Lorre was Addams-like in his pop-eyed menace. I probably almost fell asleep watching the 26th game of the chess championship from 11:30-1:30, and then fell right to sleep alone; NO, tore book apart and jerked off!