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1978 8 of 10

DIARY 13467

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 1. I'd set the alarm at 10 since I was worried about not waking after 1:30, since I'd gotten so little sleep last night, but I woke up at 8:10 to take dream and other notes (see DIARY 13468), and then lay in bed eventually doing lightwork from 8:30-9:30 fairly accurately, and then get up to put things away for Amy to have her call at 11 to say that she'd just gotten up and can't she make it tomorrow at 11. OK. Get a call from DENNIS from downstairs, saying the phone THERE is still connected because Mrs. Johnson called him to bring her and her sister down with the paint to see his apartment, insisting he take drapes for his apartment, looking at his table and seeing he should open it, and saying his beard should come off. He says he'll call me after he talks with his folks, and I type a page that says what I'd like to say to him (see DIARY 13457), and when I go down at 11:40 I say just about THAT, and throw him onto the bed to kiss and we say we feel getter together now, and he'll call about 2:30 for Susan's. I call her and she says to bring paper cups with drinks, I tell Dennis I have two bottles of champagne for us, then type some more, shower, had hamburger for breakfast, reading through a BC book, which is VERY funny, and get ANOTHER item off the list, down to a delicious 12, by throwing away the old carbons and saving the blank backsides of carbons from index through July 1, anxious to get "caught up" again, and then dress in laundry-stained collarless shirt and Dennis rings at 2:45 and we're down to meet Joel who's appearing at the Ice Palace Tuesday, then to Susan's at 3:10 for a rather pleasant-but-not-dynamite afternoon (see DIARY 13469) that he leaves at 5:30 to have dinner with Paul Stiega on Pierrepont and I leave at 7:30 because I'm starting to sniffle and eye-itch from her cats, and back to watch the first part of "Opium" from 8-9, watching part of a boring "Mayor of Casterbridge," then decide I MUST type more diary pages, and do 8 by 11, and I think I did dishes sometime today, too, but I'm STILL only up to Friday, and I take the staples out of one porno book to sort out the best pictures and had wine and drinks with dinner and bound cock with rubber band and use droppers and came nicely (but rubbed eyes later and they itched, and it might be in part because of AMYL that they itch!) and got to sleep about 12, still thinking that I need somewhat more sleep than I've been getting. NO! Dennis buzzes at 11 and we have SEX!

DIARY 13470

MONDAY, OCTOBER 2. Wake at alarm and Dennis is hot again so he jerks off AGAIN, but I'm quite soft and don't respond, and he's into the shower at 8:20, rather late, so I broil bacon and make french toast right away, and he leaves about 9 am. I'm killing roaches so I decide to spray, then do lightwork from 9:30 to 10:25, then shower, but Mrs. Johnson calls at 11 to spray, saying I didn't answer the buzzer, and I said I was in the shower. She returns and goes back downstairs just as Amy comes up, checking her out. Mrs. Johnson tries to get me to take a foot-bath machine she doesn't want, and after our chat and body session (see DIARY 13471) I mention it to Amy as I go down for the mail, and she says SHE has problems with her feet and would LOVE the thing. She leaves about 12:30, I put dishes away, put on hamburger for lunch---no, the last of the pork chops, and type 2 pages, but I don't really feel like typing so I settle in and start to read through all the BC and other Johnny Hart books. With all the Triscuits I had with the three pork chops, I'm beginning to feel quite heavy, so at 3:30 I just go to bed, but at 4:15 Bruce talks for about a half hour, so I decide to get up (having read the mail and left it scattered all around) and finish reading the BC, and Arthur rings about 5:45, earlier than expected, and he comes up and hugs and talks and again he says he has a GREAT session under me (see DIARY 13472). He leaves about 8:15 just as Rolf calls to chat about getting a computer free, so I invite him over to watch "Opium" part 2, and he comes over at 8:32 and watches the ludicrous program by which the US decided NOT to buy opium from the Shan United Army, and that goes till 9:30, when we get down to his plans (see DIARY 13473), which I look at askance. Dennis calls and says he feels tired, so I say we should eat at our own places, and Rolf leaves about 10:10, and I'd put on the Cornish hen at 9:35, so I finish up some things, mail out three bills, curse about not finishing diary pages, and eat good honey-hoisin chicken until 11:05, at which time I drink more, finish reading the BC books, and crawl into bed with porno at 11:30 and come by 12, feeling good with it, and drop off to sleep while vaguely wondering whether I should do a pelvic unloading session before dropping off to sleep.

DIARY 13474

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 3. Wake about 8:10, dreamless, and think lots of things before starting lightwork at 8:30, going well to 9:30, put BC away, phone Museum of Natural History at 10 to find the New Guinea dancers are on Wednesday, so phone Dorothy Hunter BACK to say we'll make it NEXT Wednesday, then phone Arnie, waking him, at 10:10 and he talks to 11:30 about getting video recorder, movies, entertainments, and Greg Warner. I get ready to type, then put on hamburger for lunch, moving the broiler to the top of the fridge, going down for the mail to read that, then decide I have to rewire both speakers, both of which have been ripped off the terminals, and feel good to finish that. Check Drexel-Burnham portfolio and send that off, bring bodywork book up to date, get Cheeselovers package with good-tasting Swiss and lots of other mailings, phone Paul Pasmantier to propose my new offer but he's out for the Jewish holiday, and later call Faye to check it with her, and she says it sounds good. Phone Actualism to schedule body NHS with Linda tomorrow before going to the Museum, and surgery with Alice next week at last, hearing that she'll be giving the preps for Second Advanced. Type a page for Throwback on 92074 from notes I took on Sunday, talk to Dennis, get the footbath and drapes from Mrs. Johnson (who says "Who says anyone's rich enough to turn down my offer of a gift?"), and try the footbath and it's rather a kick! Exercise for the first time in 24 days, changed sheets last night that I finish changing today, phoned Pat Mandino when she didn't show up at 4:45, baked the Troy Chocolate Cake, which is not as good as Joy's, finishing the icing after I showered at 3:40, then paid Arnie for the Cliff Keuter tickets and he left at 4:45, having been here a half-hour talking, and then I got back in the darkness outside after phoning for fairly decent cloudy weather tonight for the fireworks at 8, finishing 10 pages TO DATE by 6:20 pm. Then felt HUNGRY so I warmed up the last of the chicken by 6:40 and ate it by 7 pm and Dennis phoned and we met walking to 72nd and CPW at 7:40 for the glorious Chrysler fireworks in Central Park (see DIARY 13475) from 8-8:35, then down to Ice Palace for his friend Joel and the First Dimension and Barbara Bergman from 9-11 (see DIARY 13476), and he's not hungry so we look into some bookstores and get to Brooklyn about 12, and he's tired so we go to separate places and I probably jerk off with porno and get to sleep about 1, feeling good about the day.

DIARY 13477

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 4. Wake at 9, surprised that I slept so long, and sat down at 9:15 for lightwork, but was distracted looking for a guide to the Natural History Museum that I was SURE I'd bought, but I couldn't find it by 9:55, so I sat back down and worked the final session until 10:35, feeling that too much time had gone by. When I put the phone back on Rolf calls to talk about the day, and then I put on hamburger and take a shower and want to get to typing, but there just isn't time. Down for the mail and read that while broiling hamburger, exercised earlier, two at 16, but couldn't even indicate what happened the last few days in the diary before I had to leave at 12:25 for Actualism, getting in at 1:05, and Linda gives me a NHS, which isn't on her chart, for $17.50 (see DIARY 13478) and I ask questions, then come out to look at Malcolm's pictures of the boat trip, smile at Susan and Amy who are there for sessions, too, and get out at 2:30 to walk up in the rain to the New York Historical Society, amused by some of the funny things that they've juxtaposed (see DIARY 13479), and out with a load of books at 4:30 to the Museum of Natural History to find the coatrooms closed for the summer, buy a guidebook, and find that Gallery 77 has an exhibit on Papua New Guinea that completely absorbs me for about an hour, looking at about 400 slides, picking up good travel brochures, and look at a few other galleries and get ideas about museums (see DIARY 13480), and then down to the cafeteria to gorge on chocolate cream-filled rings, lemon-sugared cake-pie, and a vanilla ice cream sandwich for "lunch," then stand on line at 6:15 for the dance program, in at 6:30 to meet Arnie and chat in the beautiful auditorium, and it starts at 7:10 after a long talk, is fairly interesting (see DIARY 13481), and I dash out at 7:17 to be last into class at 8:21 for Alice to give the first prep for second advanced (see DIARY 13482), and out to find Bruce has left before 10:30, and I dash out to get subway and take wine and cake down to Dennis's at 11, but he's spent the evening wiring his new stereo, which he's delighted with, so we find Uncle Chu's closed and go down to Henry's End for a beef-tough blanquette de veau for me and fishy sole amandine for him with a quart of Masson Chablis for $24 for the meal, and he insists on paying (I have no money) and to his place for him to fantasize about black he saw j/o-ing at Times Square, he comes, I come, we crawl into bed to sleep 1:30.

DIARY 13484

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 5. His radio goes off at 6:20, but the shadeless window is brightening anyway, so I'd probably be awake, but I fall back to sleep until it rings again at 7:30. He gets into his cock again and goes for the popper (feet dirty from the cruddy floor of the bedroom) and comes again, but I'm soft and he leaves while I continue sleeping off the carafe of wine from last night. Up at 8:40 when he suggests soft-boiled eggs, and show him again how to make them, but fussing with the toaster makes them cooler and harder than they should be. His oven doesn't broil them right, either, so they're mainly warmed to room temperature and butter melted. Up at 9:05 to quickly shower and brush my teeth and waterpik by 9:30, but then Susan doesn't show up. Go to start reading the books on New York that I got from the Museum of Natural History, and then decide to wash dishes at 10 and she gets in at 10:30 to chat while I finish, and she has to work today so we get "quickly" to the session at 11:30, which she doesn't finish till 12:45 (see DIARY 13483) and I lay until 12:55 and get up as she's calling me. She loved talking about the Bahamas and calls later to say Bill won't be coming tonight, but Dennis calls back and says if they'll come tomorrow he'll have them as his first guest, which is nice. Talk to Rolf about his job-hunting, Kathy Pieper calls for a body session tomorrow, I work the Soho puzzle and read lots of it, finishing the New York book, exercising at 18, and Arnie calls and talks about his hunting for a video recorder, I had hamburger and cake about 3:30 when Bruce called for the second time to talk for about a half hour about my progress, and then typed 10 pages by 9 pm when I phoned Bob Dukes for a body session and Ken Miller to chat and got no one and got Amy for travel, she said 8:30. JUST then she buzzed the buzzer and came in looking very bright, and I got out the world-trip map and we talked about lots of OTHER things, too (see DIARY 13487), and she didn't seem to want to leave, and I almost got the idea she was flirting with the thought of having sex, though it may just be her femineness coming out, but she didn't leave until 12:45, and then I decided I'd have some popcorn, and read more Weinburg stories, after jerking off, and just SATED myself on EVERYTHING until 3 am, and fell exhausted to sleep at that point.

DIARY 13488

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 6. Wake about 10:15, satisfied with the sleep but sorry that the day is so far gone already, and I settle down with a lightwork session after Dennis calls and says "Did you just get up?" and "Did you go to bed late last night, your voice sounds it?" and I have to say he's right. He talks about Martin at Time-Life (see DIARY 13485), then I do lightwork until about 11:30, coming up with lovely possible extensions (see DIARY 13486), and then I type three diary pages after watering the plants, and then Kathy phones at 1 and we talk for about 1/2 hour about her coming over, and I want to type a page about how much there is that I want to do TODAY, but just don't have the time to do THAT. Have some hamburger for lunch, showered, and want to type more but there's no time, and I'm getting disgusted for not having vacuumed, and then Kathy arrives at 2:45 and sits and talks for a long time (see DIARY 13489) and we have a session, and she leaves about 4:30 and I get out having weighed the laundry and finding there's not enough, sorted out the socks for washing, then take garbage down, get to the bank to deposit two checks, check the PO box to find 3 orders for JOYI things, buy two three-into-one plugs, two bottles of white wine, three kinds of meat, and groceries that I need, but get home to put them away and check through the mail and the TV Guide and the indexes that finally came, and then wash socks, and Susan called about 5:30 when I got back, then I wanted to dust and vacuum, but there didn't seem to be enough time, and maybe I got involved in reading something again, so I dust and record his Baroque Beatles book album, but Dennis wanted me to come down about 8:30, so I did, taking down all his junk he'd left here, and it turns out he DOES want the melon (which we don't HAVE) and wine glasses, and I leave as they enter with wine, too, and they like his place, drink lots of wine, get joyfully sozzled, talk about dozens of things (see DIARY 13490), and leave about 12:45, having not yet packed for the trip tomorrow at 10:30 am! We fall into each other's arms, he barely clears off the table, and we have sex right there on the floor, both of us coming, and then I crawl into bed, having him set the alarm for 8:30 since I have to be at Michael's at 10:30. Dusted but didn't sweep, and just have THREE indexes and JOYI to type up now!!

DIARY 13486


What expansionist (or integrationist) tendencies take over when details in ANYTHING reach a certain level of complexity? Now with the ADDED centers of the Organs and the Cells, suddenly I'm not satisfied with ONE ego, or even with the TRIUNE Ego, and not with the 5 centers we now have going into Second Advanced, I look at the 6 pointed White Star and think there must be at least ONE more center, or even TWO if Incarnating Ego in Center 2 isn't really a "center" but "the totality," so that Point 1 of the star could be aligned with the Human Center in Forebrain, Point 2 of the star could be aligned with the Creature-Body Center in Old Brain, Point 3 with Organ body Center (structural, on left, but maybe to be refined into, say, FRONT left later), Point 4 with Cell body Center (functional, on right, maybe FRONT right), Point 5 with MOLECULAR center (structural, maybe REAR left), and Point 6 with ATOMIC center (functional, maybe REAR right), with IE as the TOTALITY (or light) of the structure, and then ENERGY (or fire, or vibrations themselves) as the TOTALITY of the FUNCTION---sort of a GROUND of structure operating through a GROUND of function. And I now debate putting something like THAT into the article, to see what reaction it gets from everyone! Could THIS be the reason the article "waited" until now? Conjure the image of INFINITE regression or progression: est deals with A transformation, but living is CONSTANT, EVOLVING, CHANGING, so any viable (living) mysticism would have to be CONSTANTLY EVOLUTIONARY also. Since he uses "Dimension Zero" as time-space, there's no reason he might not be saving "Center Zero" for some Omega Point of COSMIC energy, as "Center One" is some sort of PLANETARY point rather above the individuals---if Center One is the organizing center of the planet, it would have a corresponding "Center One" ABOVE that, which would be conceptualized as a "Center Zero" for INDIVIDUALS. Then Amy talks of LOWER chakras, and they might SAVE LOWER centers for Fourth Advanced, when they say they get into Kundalini, so there may be centers 10, 11, 12, and onward, having even more "center" energies---or the "artificial two" of Warrior and Perfection (which is also LOVE) may be SEPARATED and LOVE MOVED DOWN into the Kundalini Center, or there may be OTHER energies added in the far future. And expanding OUT: Second introduces "Soul-Body," so maybe in Third we get the "Angelic-Body" and in Fourth the "Archetypal-Body" and in Fifth the Formless Form?

DIARY 13491

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 7. Wake with the light at 6:30, but don't feel like doing anything, then wake again at 7:30, constantly pulling the blankets off from Dennis who rolls over in them, and he wakes at 8:30 and doesn't seem eager to get into sex, so I just say "I'm going upstairs" and go up to shower and have hamburger for myself and get out at 9:45 and get to Michael's at 10:15 to be ORDERED to have tea by Dorothy, so I have nice-smelling "grain and spice beverage," changed from Mocha Spice tea, and Michael enters looking quite bright, describes the session he's going to do on me, and I lay down and he comes in and gives me one of the most beautiful sessions, a Zero Posture Balancing, that I've ever had (see DIARY 13492). Then out for a cup of matte tea for the caffeine and stimulation, about 12:10, and he postpones an appointment until 1:45, so I say he can get ready, and I sit while he gets on to the table, then do HIM (see DIARY 13493) until about 1:30, and then have Mo's 24 tea while David comes in and talks about being in "Family Business" and shitting his pants while running and about est, and it turns out Dennis was in his EST class! I leave about 2, telling Michael I'd like to exchange again any morning but Saturday or Sunday, then down to 14th Street and pass a plastics place where I buy a cylinder of plastic for $5.00 for jerking off with, then to Barnes and Noble to find no paperback indexing books, resist all the others I look at, across to find no HARDBACK books, resisting again, have a Blimpie pastrami, get home at 4:05, put things away, and get a call from Jim Connolly at 4:45 making an appointment for the 10th at noon to LOOK at the stuff for indexing (oh, and Friday Rolf called to say that Asbestos had gone up to 3, so it IS beginning to move!), exercise at 18 again and I finish reading the last of "The Book of Merlyn" and then still don't feel like doing anything, STILL not vacuuming or typing, so I read one, then another, then another, then finally ALL of "Omni," then watch "The Unknown War" narrated by Burt Lancaster, depressing with killing and impressive with sheer QUANTITY of data and information and detail, from 7-8, and Dennis invites me down for lentil soup, I'm down about 9, it's not ready, I turn on his TV and can't get the short at the end of "Long Search" so we're up here to watch it for 2 minutes, then back down to his place where he talks me out of my depression: "I didn't do anything I SHOULD do, only things I WANTED to do, but now I'm behind schedule." He plays music on his new stereo, which he loves, serves lotsa-vegetable-lentil soup and toast, we finish the dessert, have wine, then we hug and he comes and we're quickly to sleep about 1 am, tired.

DIARY 13494

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 8. Again we sort of toss and turn and pull blankets from each other, and then about 10 he's up and when I get up he's fully clothed and lying in the living room reading clippings from his mother. I'm disappointed there's been no sex, but say I want to vacuum before Arthur comes over, so we kiss very amicably and I go upstairs to shit and put things in order and actually vacuum between 10:15 and 11:15, feeling good that THAT is done, and then showered and made hamburger which I was just about to eat at 11:45 (having listened to Camera Three and more folksongs while washing dishes AGAIN (and washing the corn-popper for the second time in a row, and used it TONIGHT again, so washing it THREE times in a row!) before showering), when Arthur buzzes, sits while I eat until 12, watch what's said to be the debut of "Long Search" which turns out to be misprint for the current one, and then he gets onto the table for a NHS (see DIARY 13495) which he dozes off during, and then he's up at 1:30 and we chat until 3, when I want to watch "A Turk in Italy," and he goes along with it, but it's pretty much a bore (see DIARY 13496) and he snoozes during it and goes out for a 90-minute walk, then returns at 6, by which time Bruce calls and says he'll be over at 8 for a body session from me, and I get onto the table for an O-V that he seems even more scattered during, and off at 7:15 to quickly get into the kitchen and sauté hamburger, boil water, and cook spinach to make spaghetti with grape juice for me, and we're finished by 8:10 when Bruce buzzes, we chat until 8:30 when DENNIS rings the bell, comes in to talk for about half an hour (saying I'll be better going to bed with Bruce than with Arthur), then Arthur leaves and Bruce climbs up for a HARD NHS for about 80 minutes (see DIARY 13497) until 10:50, and he sits and talks until about 12:10, leaving at last, and I wanted to play films, but it's too late (Dennis is having someone over this evening), so I tried the vacuum but the attachment-suction is too low, then I get out porno and try suction with the TWO tubes connected with a robber-glove section, and come in a NEW way that's rather fetching (see DIARY 13498), jerk off by 1:50, and I'm STILL not tired enough, so I make popcorn AGAIN and read Weinburg stories, all but the last one, until 3 am, enjoying and kicking myself at the same time for ENJOYING my life but NOT doing anything that BENEFITS it.

DIARY 13500

MONDAY, OCTOBER 9. Wake at 8:10, too early, and then at 9:15, and go through a pretty good lightwork session by 10, then exercise at 20 before showering, brushing my teeth from the popcorn from last night, and bring my bodywork notebook up to date by 11:10, when Amy buzzes for her session (see DIARY 13499), and she does a somewhat better NHS on me starting about 12:15 and ending about 1:15, and she leaves about 1:30. I walk her downstairs for the mail, Mrs. Johnson says there's no mail today on Columbus Day, but the UPS guy is RIGHT at the door with my two pairs of pants for $15.95, so I take them upstairs and try them on and 31L is the PERFECT size for me, pleased that I'm still the next-to-smallest size, and it's NOT too small, though a 30 might be a BIT wrinkled in the crotch. Put those away, look at the coleus that Arthur brought as a gift yesterday, then put on the Cornish hen at 2:15 for my "lunch," starting to work on the diary pages, having been called by Bruce and Dennis already, and called Ken and Bob and find they're not home on the holiday, and then eat dinner from 3:30-4, almost finishing the Reader's Digest book, and then get back to typing diary pages, pleased to finally get to them, feeling pretty well. Fred calls about info for Foffe's Game Dinner, is pleased that Dennis moved into the building, and I phone Dennis at 5:45 to have dinner out tonight, but tonight's the night of his full-time class, "though I haven't got my act together and I'd rather not go." Art calls and we chat about Thursday. Back to finish these 13 pages by 7:25, ready to watch TV and THEN get to JOYI! "In Search of Cryogenics" is fairly interesting, with 20 bodies already frozen, though it's fairly CERTAIN that cell damage would make thawing at THIS point VERY uncertain. Then at 8 try phoning Bob Dukes and Ken Miller, but there's still no one there, so I get into JOYI and type and type and type until 11, feeling good about it and even wanting to continue, but I'm very aware of people upstairs and downstairs. Then make some scrambled eggs for eating, read another New York Magazine, and don't really feel like coming, sort of concerned about Dennis and my not having sex as much as before, and get into bed at 12 to debate having a pelvic session, but I'm thinking so much that I just decide to roll over and fall asleep about 12:30, which I do.

DIARY 13503

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 10. Wake and lie quietly, then think it might by 8:20, wait 5 minutes, and it's 8:25. Up and get index to cover JOYI stuff if Pat uses my bedroom, and get into the shower at 8:40, out at 9:05, washing dishes and eating soft-boiled eggs for breakfast, and the brewers' yeast and lecithin DOES taste worse in orange juice, so I have to get LOTS of grape juice. Almost finish with the dishes when she rings at 9:35, and we chat and then she has her session (see DIARY 13501) and leaves at 11:30. I water the plants and do some other things and Jim Connolly buzzes at 12:10 and we have a delightful talk until 1 (see DIARY 13502). Then I phone Terry at Raven, who seems to think Monday is OK for the index, Bruce phones to say that he wants to make it 8:30, so I can't see "Word Is Out," and then phone Dennis to have him for dinner at 7 tonight, after his class, so that I'm not always eating there. Get to typing these 3 pages by 1:40, and Don Maloof calls to DO something! Talk about taking next Friday off, and maybe eating together Thursday, and at 2 I get back to the JOYI pages, going VERY well with them until 4:15, when I figure I MUST go to the supermarket, but then remember the breast of lamb, look for recipes for it and find none, but roasting chart says about 40 minutes per pound, and it's only 1.5 pounds, so I get back to FINISH transcribing all the answers onto the pages, put on the lamb at 6:15, make a list of things I have to finish for JOYI, and Dennis enters at 7:20, he reminds me of the Tree "Foods" book, and it looks good for lamb, and we eat at 7:45-8:15, he loves my jello with salad dressing, spinach, roasted onions with butter, and then phone Bruce to make it LATE as possible, and at 8:30 he says 45 minutes, so I watch "Word Is Out" from 8:30-9, looks pretty intelligent and heartfelt, and then subway to Bruce's to find his roommate moved out, the place a mess, and he gives me a VERY hard NHS session (see DIARY 13504) from 9:30-10:30, and then we talk until 11:10, and I leave to get on the #4 by mistake and ride in to Fulton Street reading "Bite" and then ride back on the #2 that I COULD have caught across at Nevins! In at midnight to find Dennis in bed, depressed that his bookcases-bar-bookcase-change carpentry will cost $500 for materials and $500 for labor! I promise we'll have sex in the morning, and we flop into bed after chatting nicely until 12:30, too dizzy thinking to lightwork.

DIARY 13507

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 11. His alarm rings at 6:30, but I start playing gently with him and get him VERY hard, which gets ME very hard, and we keep teasing and teasing and kissing and playing until he works me into a frenzy and he hands me off VERY slowly for a GREAT session, ending up with his mouth glued to my cock and me making ALL kinds of sounds I hope don't echo in the air shaft. Then he does himself nicely and we lay together until he reaches for my watch to find that it's 7:40, which is quite a relief since we both thought his alarm had been set for 7:30 and he'd be very late. I lay and form hierarchy and go quickly through the session, and then I'm up at 8:40 for his lentil soup and Susan's toast for breakfast, having trouble plugging in the toaster, and then up at 9 to put things away from last night and get right down to transcribing the yellow sheets from JOYI onto the regular sheets, and THAT goes well, so I retype the NAME sheet and intersperse the pages with each other, adding things to DO on my list for JOYI so it's STILL 5 items long, down three from 5 items long! Jeff calls to say he'll be over at 2, and at 12:30 I figure I HAVE to get out for shopping when I remember the CHICKEN in the refrigerator, so I heat that up and put the dishes away and get down for the mail and have lunch reading New York until 1:30, and then keep on reading New York until Bruce comes in at 1:45, telling me all about his reading with Amy (see DIARY 13506), and then Jeff enters at 2:10 and we have a long talk about est versus Actualism, wherein I come up with good points, on lenses and on focusing, and I'm ready for a shower at 3:45 when they leave, and I get into the shower by 4:15, having put things away again, and then out at 4:30 and type these 4 pages by 5:25, getting a call from Dennis he's not having dinner. Leave for Dorothy's by 5:35, getting there at 6:05, shocked by her living at the center separated from Michael, find that Willy Kaye looks like Elliott Gould, have another great body session with her (see DIARY 13510), some tea, down to the center at 8:15 for an activating second prep (see DIARY 13511), then a lot of stuff with Winston about bodywork (see DIARY 13512), and leave to see 167 W. 72nd St. for them, home at 11:15 to leave a note with Dennis, up to make scrambled eggs with wine, he phones at 11:45, obviously tired, saying goodnight, and I turn to page-pasting for JOYI till 1:15, depressed by how long it's taking, get into bed at 1:25, thinking, thinking, thinking, and sleep.

DIARY 13513

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 12. Up at 9:10, jotting dream (see DIARY 135515), surprised that I needed over 7.5 hours sleep, put stuff away, shitting and reading New York, getting laundry together, wrapping cord around the fire escape railing so the damn pigeons will stay off, then take it down at 10:15, buy slipper socks, pants hangers, vitamins, socks, pick up 5 letters from JOYI, 2 bottles of white wine, two kinds of meat, TV Guide, groceries, flabbergasted that I've spent almost $50 in just the hour until 11:15, and back to play messages and phone Art whose line is busy, then Amy, and we talk until 11:45 about chain-letter (see DIARY 13508), then talk to Art about his father's nurse having to care for her ripped-off apartment so he'll have to care for his father tonight so no dinner until 12, then put groceries away, look at TV Guide and Arthur calls to say he NEEDS a body session, so I say come over, put on hamburger, put groceries away, eat, and just brushing my teeth when he enters at 12:45, we talk about chain-letter, he teaches me about "CHECK OUT what's happening in the body, don't just take it for granted" and "just go along," and I do a body session on him from 2:15-3:15 (see DIARY 13514), and he leaves at 4:15 as I go down to pick up mail after taking out pants to be cleaned, exchanging slipper-socks, picking up laundry and putting it away, phoning Dennis about this evening and inviting him to pork at 9:30, then Audre Hanneman calls about a Coal index, "coincidentally" Jim calls at 4:50 "just to check in" and says he'd be delighted to take the index, and I check out TV Guide, doing the puzzle, read the mail, read Soho, doing the puzzle, and then it's 6:30 and I put stuff away and put on the pork and make two chocolate cakes, and by then it's 8:40 and I mail some bills, and I'd been happy that Susan was on vacation so that I could get to the index EARLY today, then that dinner out was cancelled so I could spend MORE time on the index, and I HAVE NOT DONE ONE THING ON THE INDEX! Though I HAVE cancelled Arthur for tomorrow night in exchange for this afternoon, did tell Amy I might have to cancel her Sunday afternoon, do STILL figure I have time for the 30 hours I need for the two indexes (oh, yes, spent time filing data on the JOYI letters I got, putting that AWAY so I CAN get to the indexes), get to type 1 page of yesterday's date when Dennis buzzes at 9:10 after Bob Rosinek called at 8:50 to talk about going to Paris, and we talk until 9:30 when I HAVE to get to icing the cakes, having dinner, pleasant to 10:30, then I shower, Dennis smokes, and he gets into some cock-trip that has him FLOW his first partial mini-cum, then WHACK away very hard, for a SECOND TRUE come, and we lay together and ejaculate about his ejaculation and fall asleep at 12:10, VERY EARLY.

DIARY 13516

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 13. Wake early to hear the people upstairs walking around, squeaking their bed, pigeons cooing outside and I hope my obstacle-rope keeps them off the fire escape, and the alarm rings at 7:30 and I'm wine-soggy from last night, Dennis says "I have to get up" and showers without making coffee, and I lay there paralyzed, trying to process, and when he says he's going downstairs to "let me lounge" and "get your ass into the index," I have such great feelings of worthlessness that I get up to type a page (see DIARY 13509) at 8:20, after having grape juice with yeast and lecithin, then type four pages with 5 undone pages left to show me what I have YET to do, by 9 am, decent! Decide I have to wash dishes, so I listen to the Bach Brandenburgs while I do that, then at 9:45 phone 4 indexing ladies to clear everything away to my satisfaction, phone Dennis to make sure everything's OK with him, and he might want to take BOTH indexes! Then make a list of the 8 indexes that are on the tip of being done, and all that takes till 10:45, when I finally mark the first 120 pages of the Carcinogens book for Raven from 10:45-12:30, type 191 cards 12:30-1:05, when Ellen Sabine calls and wants to try Andrea for a job again, but I should think of her for terminal indexing, and then down for the mail, not much of it, then mark 121-227 from 1:25-2:55, pretty good, type 197 cards from 2:55-3:30, and then Rolf calls with questions about the specs and I have lunch of hamburger, then mark 228-336 from 4:35-6:25, getting 260 cards out of that one, then from 7:05-8:50 mark the last 337-469, then talk to Rolf again and Dennis for dinner at his place, and then type the last 291 cards from 9:50, marking down the times and JUST at the end of it all Dennis calls me down for Mawoofa, or something African, with toughish meat, peanuts, green peppers, and rosé wine and fried bananas that are a kick, and I'm feeling GREAT that I finished with the whole thing in ONE day, quicker than planned, and we eat until 11:15 and get into sex in the living room, he likes his place and I'm glad, and we jerk and jerk, I take the rubber band from the cake I brought down and make my cock VERY hard, and he enjoys sucking on it, and we tease and tease and tease, and he sits backward on my lap and comes almost by rubbing, VERY sensual, and he loves it, and I get into bed and jerk off all the way with poppers, wiping off, and we sleep 12:30.

DIARY 13518

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 14. Wake early, dozing in the rain, then Dennis is up and cuddling about 8, getting into both cocks, and he comes again and I come again, feeling pretty good, getting out at 8:35 though I've realized that I don't have to get to Arthur's for a body session until NEXT Saturday at 10 am before the CLASS, but I go upstairs with the cake and get into the editing of the 939 cards, editing out 75 for a final line count of about 1152, which is OK, going solidly from 8:50-12:50, Susan calling right at the end to say that my order of books had been lost (and I PAID for these!) and she lost the list of them, but we might have lunch on Tuesday, when my schedule fills out. Phoned Amy at 11 (Adam leaves phone: "Big Z," and I say, laughing, "I heard that," which she repeated to him, and I feel vaguely superior to HIS vague superiority: I could take her AWAY from you if I cared to!) but she can't do a body session on me before the surgery today, so I shower and wash my hair and cook hamburger and eat it, leaving by 1:50 to get to Actualism at 2:28, waiting for Bruce to Assimilate, then get into a HASSLE about the chain-letter, and she SEES my point but won't AGREE that it's generating low-frequency, and then we get into a nonverbal liver surgery (see DIARY 13517) that ends at the DOT of 4, but Joan Ann calls to say she'll be late, so I assimilate until 4:10, talk with Alice about hotels until 4:20, make two appointments, subway home at 4:50, undress, read mail, put on ham to warm at 5:30, then sit down to type the Actualism page and do 2 pages by 6:15, Dennis up then. Put on the peas to boil, open the wine, get out the last of the applesauce, and we eat from 6:35 to 6:55, and then he goes down to make his reservation for his San Diego visit between December 14-30, I type 3 more pages, for 5 in all, then meet Dennis downstairs at 7:15, get onto the subway that we just missed at 7:31, and the schedule said 24 minutes and get in JUST at 7:55. The row D seats are still far from the stage, so I missed my binoculars, but the dances weren't that good anyway, so not much was missed from the Cliff Keuter Dance Company (see DIARY 13525). Leave at 10, in at 10:40, Dennis tired, so I'm up alone to watch the last 3/4 of Hitchcock's "Young and Innocent," with rather Germanic acting by Nora Philbeam, a literal cliff-edge save when the car is destroyed in a mine cave-in, and a wild ending with the twitchy-eyed drummer going crazy and confessing he did the murder they wee searching for the "Young and Innocent" for. Then listen to Barbara Feldon (and THAT'S who Bruce was talking about!), then watch "Word Is Out," which turns out to be pretty good (see DIARY 13526), over at 1:40, and I finished the cake, washed my face, and got to bed to do a quickie pelvic session with FPH till 2:10!

DIARY 13529

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 15. Wake about 8:50, feeling good after less than 7 hours sleep, and lay until 9:05, water plants, see that it's below 36 and heaters are going strong, then do lightwork from 9:30-10:15, when the ideas are so strong that I get right to the typewriter to type Actualism Gleanings: on Self-completion (see DIARY 13519-13524). Stop in middle to phone Bruce and talk to him from 10:50-11:30 about chain-letter, amyl, body-hatred, and lots of processing, then took shower and cooked hamburger to eat while watching "Long Search: Judaism" (see DIARY 13527) and had to type a page on THAT, and phoned Pope when Avi wasn't home, talked to him for about 1/2 hour, and phoned Dennis, who didn't want to buy his Salton ice cream maker for $5. Back to typing and the buzzer goes and it's Kathy Pieper at 2:30 (see DIARY 13528) and I work on her until 4, when she leaves, having phoned Amy and said I wouldn't be there to use her table until tomorrow at 8, and then got back to typing more pages, telling Dennis that we should get together for dinner, and finish typing this, the 12th page for the day, by 5:35, ready for index! Type 44 pages from 5:45-8:35, and then proofread and finish typing the cover letters, in fact do everything but record the times on the time-work calendar, when Dennis comes in at 10:05 and I have the pork ready and we eat and the onions came out fairly well and have lots of wine and we get into bed so that he cam smoke while I take my evening shower. He's still thinking of ideas of decorating for his apartment, and has almost decided to go WITH a very expensive method of constructing shelves into his living room, and I've just about decided to let him do what he wants. Put on some records (Ina-Gadda-Davida and IF and Tubular Bells) about 11:30, when it's obvious that the people upstairs are squeaking away in their awful-sounding bed and the people DOWNSTAIRS are starting to shout in HIS stoned way to each other, and then WE have sex very nicely: he really getting into his cock, my cock very hard, too, and we both come and then cuddle while "Tubular Bells" is playing, and then I jerk awake about 1:30 to find the records have finished and all is quiet, so put things away and sleep then.

DIARY 13524


The energies don't even have to be thought of as things in themselves: they can be considered as lenses that magnify the very small as a microscope does, or that bring close the very far as a telescope does. Just as powerful teachers in almost any classroom can magnify the effects of a particular teaching by their special charisma, the individual can bring a sort of "inner charisma" to focus and discover hidden talents and sensitivities.

We are the center of the universe of time: the "now" in the continuum that stretches from past to future. We are the center of the universe of space: the "here" in the three-dimensional continuum of up-and-down, front-and-back, side-to-side. We are also the center of an incredible functional spectrum that starts on the base of quarks and rises through nucleons and atoms and molecules and cells and organs to the body itself, which is then incorporated into the group and planet and solar system and galaxy and universe, which may rise to the realm of the eternal and infinite through more dimensions than we have names for. The lenses furnished by Actualism can help place us in this continuum by helping us feel more familiar with the past and the future, the very small and the very large, the very close and the very distant, and the very concrete and the very mystical.

Appropriately, this seems to be a time in the "center" of the evolution of Actualism. It is still under the active leadership of the founder Russell Schofield, and his wife, Carol Ann. The present teachers have all been personally trained by these two directors of the school. With the birth of projects like Earth Point, which seeks to establish a physical Light City on the earth; bodywork, which seeks to spread well-being in the bodily structures of the students; surgeries, which concentrate on individual organs and problems; and other growing subgroups of students and teachers, Actualism is strengthening the nucleus from which a powerful organization can grow and flourish in the coming New Age of increasing awareness and greater enlightenment.

DIARY 13519 apparently the page order is wrong; this is how I found it


We know so many things about ourselves in a vague, undefined way. We sense that what we are comes from the past: influences, parents, teachers, books, experiences, culture, loves, hurts, friends---many things that we'd like to remember and build on and use, and some things we'd rather forget. At present, when we feel good, we have ideas of how we'd like to proceed into the future: we make resolutions, see the results of a few days on a diet or program of exercises, find a new friend or lover that we'd like to have around for a long time, sometimes even sense a wisdom and understanding of "the way things are" that we cherish and want to keep so that it can grow and develop even more.

We sense our bodies in an even vaguer way---more readily when something goes wrong. We enjoy eating until a toothache makes us aware of the fact that things must have been going well without our realizing it before, because now we're much more conscious about the types of food we eat and the way we chew. Our digestion is recognized only when we eat something that disagrees with us, but we hardly ever think of how the chemical factory inside us processes the proteins and carbohydrates and fats from vegetables and meats and desserts and beverages we consume many times a day. When we wake up to the complication of such a simple matter as walking (one of the more famous mind-boggling tasks is to try to describe EXACTLY how our feet and legs and body and balance shifts from moment to moment when we take one single step), we sometimes find ourselves as astounded as the frustrated millipede in the fable when it was asked how it knew which leg moved first when IT walked.

Nevertheless, things get done. We DO remember what happened yesterday and make plans for tomorrow. We DO eat and sleep (do we ever think about HOW we wake up?) and walk and talk and think and wash our faces while remaining more or less unconscious of what precisely is happening.

Actualism touches many of these areas. As an example different from all those given already, think of the blurry area of what we WANT. What do you WANT? What EXACTLY? Food? Love? Recognition? More money? Less worries? New clothes and a better complexion and someone to listen to you and a job that's more satisfying? Happiness, perhaps? So MANY things that we want. Where can we get them? So many different places! Food from the store or, if you're lucky, from a favorite provider. Love from family and friends and ideally even strangers. Recognition from people you value, new clothes from that expensive shop, a better complexion from a bottle or a salve? Happiness from---where? Outside somewhere? Why not from inside, too! We tend to look OUTWARD for what we want, but at times we may get hints of the idea that we might have to look inward to fulfill many of these needs. We know we don't need any more food when our stomachs tell us that they're satisfied. We know we have love when we can look, and trust, and hold a special person in a special way that satisfies that craving in us for affection and understanding and acceptance even of our "bad" sides. We know that we have love when we are forced to admit to ourselves that someone, in fact, does love us. Where ELSE can happiness come from EXCEPT inside?

All of us know that moment when we've eaten, talked, had fun, done what we wanted to do---and yet we still want something more. One potato chip often leads to an empty bag, a full stomach, and a lingering craving.

Where outside ourselves can we find this satisfaction? Nowhere. The only possibility is to find our own fulfillment inside ourselves. Actualism leads us inside ourselves to investigate the possibility of self-satisfaction but not through faith, or beliefs, or mysteries---through the experience of looking deeply into the structures of my body and lives and finding that they can be satisfied MERELY BY THINKING ABOUT THEM. There are daily lightwork sessions that reinforce practices taught in the weekly lessons. During these sessions the body and the mind start out in a state of relative piece. You've eaten, slept, cleaned, and even cleared a space in time for yourself and your session. Then you sit and look into what the body WANTS. Relief from pain, the end of tension, the experience of more aliveness, a great feeling of joy---all these and more can come from sessions. But the relief and the joy in the daily session come from inside, from parts of you that you ordinarily aren't in contact with. One part of yourself nourishes another part of yourself to let you know that you can be more self-sufficient than you ever dreamed you could be. This does not mean that you won't need food or people or outside influences anymore; it just means that more of the SUPPLY of what you DEMAND can be furnished through your own resources. Tapping these resources is part of the aim of Actualism.

Even the aspect of "supply" is easy to understand. Not only do we all have cravings and yearnings, we also have drives and enthusiasms and energies and efforts that we constantly expend, sometimes by rushing about and "generating more heat than light," to use an apt cliché. Bodies and muscles can become fatigued by fighting against parts of themselves. Many times you can't go to sleep because you're just too AWAKE to fall asleep! So the SUPPLY of energy is readily available, it just has to be channeled properly. If this excess energy, this redundant effort, this useless tension could be redirected to satisfy that previously described yearning and wanting, you begin to realize that you're stronger than you thought, healthier than you dared hope, and more resourceful than you could ever have imagined.

This doesn't happen in a day, or even in a year. There's no "final step" when the highest mountain is climbed and the entire earth lies beneath your feet. When you run out of mountains you start tackling the clouds, so your upward path never levels out. Though you might need different equipment for cloud-climbing. Teachers furnish good examples of continuous improvement, constant work, and frustrating examples of falling short and self-denial.

So Actualism escorts you on a journey into your body, into your brain, into your magnetic and dynamic poles, and into each vital organ. At the same time, it journeys outward into fields that have been described as the Astral Body or the Aura. Again, these, at the start, can be considered as ideas that have to be made more concrete by working with them, practicing with them, operating AS IF they exist so that one day you find out that they DO exist.

The journey centers not only about the spatial center of the body, using it as the pivot of a microscopic search down into the body and of a telescopic search out into the world, but also about the temporal center of NOW, going into the past to work with two kinds of experience: these that don't help and which need to be eliminated, those that are valuable and which need to be saved. When they're all mixed in together, there's danger of considering them all valuable or all worthless. When they're sorted out, the good can be kept and the bad can be discarded. When the relatively simple legacy of this life seems inadequate to explain phobias and manias and neuroses, previous lives can be brought in to expand the horizons of the tablet on which the experience of your central being has been incised.

This prepares the body and the mind for the journey into the future. The direction of that journey is as delicate as the direction of a cannonball. A gentle breeze at the cannon can deflect the cannonball from the target by critical feet. A tiny misdirection in youth can steer the individual into vastly different futures. Taking this into account can literally, actually, physically, provably change lives in the near and distant future.

Evolution is ordinarily considered to have stopped when Homo Sapiens evolved from the ape. But Homo is still evolving. We're not the same type of mankind that traced their hands on cave walls. I am different from my mother. Mankind progresses by climbing on the shoulders of those who came before.

DIARY 13532

MONDAY, OCTOBER 16. He leaves about 7:45 to have breakfast downstairs and I lay around until 8:30, when I get up and start pasting the pages for the "p" section together so that I can take them in for xeroxing, then put all the stuff together and shower and get out about 11:30 (I guess maybe I did an hour's lightwork early on, just to make sure I got SOME done this week) to get to Raven and talk to Terry about computerized indexing, and Virginia Martin comes in and gives lots of names and information, Terry has an indexing book that she says I should copy twice for her and I can do it for me, too, and I make two copies while blushing my way through OVER 600 copies of the JOYI stuff, including one page "What's the biggest cock you ever saw?" that was removed from the stack by a black secretary who didn't say anything, so I HOPE she didn't read it! Xerox until about 2:30, then get home to buy some meat which I have for lunch, then dump all the stuff in a stack to put away later and tackle the Renal Transplantation index, marking 1-100 from 3:50-5:25, typing 297 cards from 5:25-6:15, marking 101-184 from 6:15 to 7:10, when I shower for the session I assume I'll have with Amy tonight, and then type 224 cards from 7:35-8:05, not even counting them but dressing and dashing over to Amy's (having seen that the "In Search of Oak Island" that I wanted to watch wasn't on this evening at 7:30) for a quick session (see DIARY 13533) until 9:30 exactly, and dash home to watch the end of "Visions" "The Escape" with a muscular Marc Singer as a not-too-convincing dunce to an unpleasant Robin Gammell as Fumio, his "friend," and then it's over at 10:35 and they have lots of nice TV shorts until 11, when I watch Robert Altman on Cavett, saying not much, and then at 11:30 they have a 2-hour special program where it takes Korchnoi 70 moves (what IS the record?) to conquer Karpov to bring the series to a 5-5 tie, which is remarkable since Korchnoi was behind 4-1 and then 5-2, and I'm tired at the end, having been doing some small indexing counting and recording during the program, and then edit the cards from 1:40-2:55, going from 521 cards to 486 cards, and set the alarm for 8:30 so I'll have time to finish everything.

DIARY 13536

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 17. Wake to a dream about 8:10 that I take notes on (see DIARY 13537) and shut off the alarm and get out of bed at 8:30, and get to the pasting of the new pages, going and going and going, almost running out of scotch tape before I finish them all, and I'd made a list of things that I had to do today and crossed them off as I did them: finished pasting the pages together, amused that I'd come up with 91 pages in all when my original long-list format yielded 93 pages, then typed JOYI 1978 on all of them, then looked to modify the JOYI 3 letter and decided to come up with a whole NEW cover letter for those who might not have even gotten the original questionnaires (though the points of Q13 and Q14 won't make any sense to them), and type that up, phone Susan at work to find "she's not in today" and she's not at home, either, so SHE'S off the hook, and I phone Dennis for lunch, immediately regret it because I've put hamburger on for breakfast about 11:30, and he calls back to say he's brought his own lunch, and since we're meeting tonight at Montmartre we'll eat lunch together some other time, and I praise him for reading my mind. Phone Rolf about the Coliseum, and he ends up going, after we talk a long while. Phone Montmartre for reservations that they don't write down. Then finally get to finish typing the index from 12:50-2, and proofread and finish up from 2:05-2:35, and I despair even getting to see the movie I want at 4, since I have so much xeroxing to do, and then fantasize the machine will be broken down. Take it in and the xerox IS broken down, Barbara is throwing away a file-holder that I take, after ruining Joan Ann's roommate's screwdriver trying to take it apart; get Angie Milo to say I can get her NEXT index, get a light-perception index from Barbara, who introduces me to Jenet MacIver who calls to find Uta isn't there and gives me Russ Till's name for SOMETHING on indexing, and I say I'll be back when the xerox machine works, and get the 4 pm subway to get in at 4:30 to see much MORE of "I Was a Male War Bride" until 5:40, when he only BRIEFLY dresses as a woman to sneak on the ship, but Ann Sheridan was quite good and naturally laughing. That ends at 6, after I've put in file-folder support, and then out reading more of "Bite" to Montmartre at 6:45, meeting Dennis and have a HUGE dinner of duck a l'orange that FILLS me up as we walk quickly up for the 8:30 showing of "No Way Out," a rather well written drama of Sidney Poitier saving Richard Widmark though he thinks he killed his brother with a spinal tap, with Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee, and "Moonfleet," a rather dated Stewart Granger swashbuckler with Dennis's Viveca Lindfors as a cameo villainess, and a big diamond. Finish "Bite" riding back via Boro Hall, bed alone, both tired, at 1:15.

DIARY 13538

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 18. Wake about 9:30, surprised that I slept more than 8 hours without even trying, and decide that I MUST have a lightwork session so that the class will go OK tonight, so I sit down about 10:05 and go through with lots of interesting thoughts about actualizing (see DIARY 13530) until about 10:45, and then put on hamburger and start clearing up some of the junk left over from the past few days---didn't even read the MAIL in the last few days! Decide I HAVE to do the dishes, so that takes about 40 minutes, scrubbing the cake off the oven rack at last, and then start putting things away and remind myself of the note to Rolf about the Coliseum, so I phone and he fills my head with all kinds of things that he learned there yesterday (see DIARY 13531), and we actually talk about the implementation of this from 11:55 to 1:45, me keeping saying that I have things I want to do, and he decides to wait to bit to see which of the eggs may hatch first. I think I might be pushing him because of all the people who want to start indexing (just made a list, and it's up to 11!!). Then decide I have to sort out the pages from the JOYI list, so I do that, and must put everything else away, type 3 pages, and then it's time to shower and get ready to go to Dorothy's, and don't even have time to clear off the desk or record the time on the indexes yet, and people are calling in with MORE indexes. Get there at 6:05 and get told that BOTH elevators aren't working, so I WALK up 8 flights and talk to Michael until Dorothy arrives at 6:25, and a Zee who is NOT Andre's friend arrives for Michael from New Jersey, and Dorothy gives me another of her marvelous sessions (see DIARY 13539), and I'm off the table at 8 and we cab down to class, everyone so worried about Richard that I say I'll go SEE him on Pacific Street, and then we have a great CONVERSATION and class (see DIARY 13540) which goes to 10:40, and then the subway's delayed, and I don't get downstairs until 11:30, but Dennis had the chicken getting more and more crisp, and the skin is as delicious (and lighter) than that of the duck last night, and the MEAT is a MARVEL of tenderness and taste, and his African salad of DATES and ONIONS (raw) in a vinaigrette sauce is DYNAMITE. We finish his rosé and he smokes and gets into sex with the pyramid booming in from the speaker that I put on the dining room table, and we have DYNAMITE sex, both coming with GREAT spurts, and we fall asleep in each other's arms to wake about 2 for him to shut off the lights and blow out the candles and me to stop laying on the popper and fall asleep STONED.

DIARY 13530


Primary dictionary definition of ACTUAL: existing in act and not merely potentially. Doing the session this morning and all KINDS of things came up: 1) that Actualism was ACTUALIZING these energies and concepts from the point of view of BRINGING THEM INTO EXISTENCE, rather than "merely" taking the UNREALIZED energies and concepts and learning how to deal with and manifest them. 2) that the books on my shelf to be read stand for more than things I want to read, they symbolize the FACT that I want to KNOW the fields in which these books are written: mysticism, physics, philosophy, fiction, science, science fiction, morality, etc. 3) that the magnetic and dynamic are two sides of the SAME THING, as lift in a plane wing is inseparable from forward velocity. I try to "check out" images of the central vertical axis moving constantly UPWARD in the dynamic mode---but to have activity in an upward direction in the CENTER implies a DOWNWARD direction at the EDGES, like a swirling smoke ring where every smoke particle seems to be rotating around in a circle---and the centers of these circles are the beads of the circular necklace which is the smoke ring itself. I try to visualize this smoke ring in my field like an enormous hula-hoop, and when the central energy is upward the exterior field energy is downward, so that might appear as magnetic outwardly, which would fit Actualism's description since the magnetic often is spoken of as drawing in from the bottom and back and left. Central energy downward would serve to draw in from the top---but if drawing in is magnetic, that TOO is magnetic---then I refined the image that BEING DYNAMIC is "secreting" energy from some central point or axis or sphere (1 or 2 or 3-dimensional), moving outward in ALL directions from the point, all LATERAL directions from the axis, and RADIALLY from the sphere. "In"ward supply for that dynamic would have to be postulated "from ANOTHER, inner, dimension." BEING MAGNETIC would then be "pulling in" energy TO a point or axis or sphere. 4) that the radiant dynamic sort of "coats" each organ and cell, mirroring a "coat" on the "other side" for the radiant magnetic, "forming" me JUST as I am PRODUCING, or ACTUALIZING these magnetics and dynamics and egos by doing the PRACTICE.

DIARY 13543

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 19. Radio goes on and plays and plays, and finally he gets up and shuts it off, and when he fusses making coffee with the manual coffeepot because something seems to have gone simultaneously wrong with both the coffeepot and the toaster, and at 7:50 I say I'm going upstairs, taking the stamp and New York that Effie sent, along with her address. Up to be confronted with my mess upstairs, along with the CURRENT batch of mail from yesterday, and I start putting things away and going through the mail, and reading New York I start to work the puzzle until Susan calls about 9:45, talking till 10:30 about her trip to Spanish Wells and Harbor Island and Nassau and her feeling of being "stuck" there and not being able to do lightwork, and she has to work today. Then shower and continue with the puzzle as Dorothy enters, and I have Mad Hatter tea with her and talk till 11:45, when I start with her (see DIARY 13542), and then finish at 12:50 and she leaves after dropping off to sleep until 1, and I get back to finish the New York puzzle and then get to Soho and do THAT puzzle, having also done the puzzle in Monday's Post that Dennis saved for me because the Pole was Popish (to follow the error through)! Phoned Richard Iltis again and talked with him (see DIARY 13544). Then get to Omni for November and read some articles in that, having gotten more indexes, phoned Don and found I should be there at 11, phoned Dennis who didn't want to go, DIDN'T phone Harper about the pages and DIDN'T go for the possible pages at the PO, leaving that for poor Dennis, since I won't be back till 5 pm Saturday. Put more things away and write a page about tasks, treats, and threat about how I felt today (see DIARY 13535), and then typed more pages while broiling veal steak for dinner, having decided NOT to shower for tomorrow, and type 9 pages as well as the page for Actualism, and finish THIS at 10:05, having had a gin and orange and Grand Mariner to get me tipsy for the trip to Don's tonight. Throw stuff into the Travel Dynamics bag and get out at 10:10 to get to Don's at 10:45, and get met by a short-clad Ernie who said that Don had been allergic to the dog-training school and was sleeping with acute nasal distress, and he sees me to my white-sheeted room (thank goodness for no more black satin) and I go to the john and read for a bit while he finishes ironing, and we both go to sleep at 11:30, where I try a bit of lightwork and doze off quickly.

DIARY 13545

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 20. I wake about 6 and do lightwork until 6:40, when they are walking around loudly enough that I'd be wakened by them, and I go out and Ernie's out and giving me grapefruit juice and having coffee, and then about 7:50 Don comes out and greets me and we leave about 8, driving north over the George Washington Bridge and up the Palisades Parkway, where he shows me the note he has for the Storm King Arts Center, which I'd never even heard of, and we turn back on the freeway and finally get into the areas where the trees are still quite colorful and the day warms up until we reach the hotel about 9:30, when it's quite pleasant. Check in and into the damp room, then out to drive through town looking for a place to eat, finding a German place closed, then to a diner with three HUGELY fat people and a pleasant waitress who makes our mediocre omelets (Spanish for me and cheese for Ernie) and poached eggs for Don. Stop at a few antique shops and up to the Arts Center (after stopping to see the New York Military Academy, which he dreaded going to as a kid) to find that it's open 2-5:30, and then back to 9W and up to the Great River Winery, which has no tour and only a sample of one of the three white wines, tasting of the oil that they call "grapy" and "foxy," and Don buys a bottle of their champagne, and then we continue north to the Hudson Valley Wine Company (he'd been to Brotherhood Winery before) where grapes are still on the vine, and we wait about 20 minutes for the 1:15 tour, lead by a charmingly drunk guide, and we start with a tasty Pink Catawba, then a mediocre Chablis, a good Haut Sauternes, an acidic red, an after-tasty Cold Duck, with their 3 pieces of cheese and terribly stale breadstick and apple for $2, and out at 2:15 to zip along to the FABULOUS Storm King Arts Center (see DIARY 13546) until we're chased out at 5:40, and up to the flea market which is dreadful and back to the hotel at 7:10 to shower and nap a moment, watching TV, and across in the cold to the Gasho Farmhouse for a lackluster hibachi-cooked lobster-chicken-steak dinner that's not that good, though the cherry wine was tasty for $1.25, the window cold where Don was sitting, people only semi-friendly, plum wine oversweet, a bit too much for $13 each, then stagger back, tired, to room at 10:30 and undress and they want to watch TV, which I turn off at 11:30, and Don said he was awake most of the night though I heard him SNORING much of the night.

DIARY 13547

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 21. Wake at 8:10, amazed we'd slept so long, and Don is getting a cold, he says, to add to his sore knee from before, and from our chats I decide I wouldn't want him for Mexico or the Caribbean, but might be able to stand him on a pre-planned trip, like to China, where we'd have no choice about where to go next. They shower and we'd paid yesterday, so we're out and get to gliding place, where we sneak in after the fog lifts and before the groups arrive, and it's great fun soaring around, though I had no touch on the controls and enjoyed the view as from a movie camera or low-flying plane, whishing noise from vents preventing total silence. Up from 10 to 10:15, Ernie up to 10:30, we have coffee and cupcakes, up to get hang-gliding information ($50 for a class, 4-5 drops included, practice for longer drops), then up to Ellenville to stop in a restaurant at 11:10, but it'll take too long, since I have to get back, then around to MacDonald's, which takes a long time, then stop for gas, which takes a long time, then onto freeway and get to where we're 67 miles from NYC at 11:57, and I despair making it, but Don catches up on traffic, trees are pretty, we slow to avoid cruisers in marked and unmarked cars, over empty GW Bridge at 1, down in light traffic, off at 79th, down to 72nd, I leave apples and say "I'm coming!" to Alice telepathically, and she HEARS, since Bob Dukes says I can go in for the first class (see DIARY 13548), Bruce envying my round of applause, and break has me copying names of people, talking to Mary and Susan, and then out at 4:10 to walk with Arthur up to Don's to get apples, talk about traveling tomorrow, but Don doesn't seem to want to, bus across to Arthur's to leave off his Sanyo machine, rest for a bit and chat, then to Italian place for veal Marsala with mushrooms, with ziti and bread, leaving me filled, and back for him to nap from 8-8:45, me reading "Tao of Physics," and dozing, and then we talk more, I phone Dennis who's not home, then working, and I get onto the table about 11:45 (see DIARY 13550), off at 1:10, flabbergasted, subway home interminably, too tired even to read, and home from Borough Hall at 2 am, not wanting to wake Dennis, and have to make bed before crawling in and collapsing at 2:50, managing to do what feels like about 20 minutes lightwork before dropping to sleep.

DIARY 13551

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 22. Wake at 8:10, water plants, do a bit of lightwork, then phone Dennis after listening to all my messages from yesterday and the day before (11 of them), and then phone Dennis, waking him, and get downstairs to cuddle and chat about his day with some mask-collectors, and about the index, which he liked, and then we get into sex and he doesn't even go for poppers for a fabulous session in which he comes with great pleasure and then hands me off with even greater pleasure, going slowly and slowly after I work myself up to the brink, staring into each other's eyes (which the Pole came while doing, very turned on), and then he's putting on music and cleaning things up while I read New Yorker waiting for his folks to call (and he'd lost the copy I merely went to a pile and took out of the mailing cover), and we have breakfast of a cheese omelet for the first time in ages about 11:30, and I'm upstairs at 1:15 to phone Arnie and talk to Pope and change clothes and meet Dennis downstairs at 2 to walk up Atlantic and Flatbush to the Brooklyn Museum via the Brooklyn Public Library and Linda Rathkopf's stuffed figures and some used furniture places, and a kitchen place with Ken on the stairs, past Chez Vito, and see the Haitian art and the Nubian art (see DIARY 13552) until the place closes at 5, and then walk all around the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens since my brochure says it's open until sunset, but get around to find all gates closed, so walk through the zoo and listless bears and overactive blacks that Dennis wants to avoid, climbing hills and down over playing fields, and then walk down Union Street and there's Camperdown Elm, where we spend $15 apiece for dry pork for me and decent duck for him, fried mushrooms served first with tartar sauce then better garlicked mayonnaise, he doesn't want dessert there, so we walk back down Sackett and State and try Loumichael's Foccaceria for a poor Cappuccino Royal with Galliano, but his Loumichael special with Kahlua was great, his black forest cake moist, my cheesecake too grainy, and back to buy TV Guide and think to watch "Long Search" at 9:05, but he goes downstairs, I watch "The Sky's the Limit" and Fawlty Towers and Monty Python from 9:05-11, when Rolf calls and we talk about specification for the 9 commands in the system until 12:10, I get into bed to do bits of lightwork but am very tired and fall asleep quickly.

DIARY 13555

MONDAY, OCTOBER 23. Wake about 8:10, figuring it's part of a pattern now, and don't lay terribly long, but get up and want to do lightwork, but get it going at 8:40, but think of ALL KINDS of things before REALLY getting to the gathering at 9:15 (what I DID was try to memorize the gathering, reciting it to myself about 10 times, hoping each time would be flawless, but still not sure of ALL the words ALL the time), and finish about 9:40 with some feeling of completeness, and then phone Jenet MacIver about who Mr. Till is, then talk to him for a long time and decide to TAKE an Academic Press index, though they just pay $18 per FINAL PAGE, which is VERY cheap, and had thought of an outline for my indexing class tomorrow, but didn't get it down at all. Dennis calls and I check the mail to find that the cheese mousse came but not his pages, so I go down with Amy and phone Pam and find that it's being mailed today, deadline November 1. Leave word with Arnie, get ball from Ed, the ITT salesman, and he comes at 12:35 and talks till 2:20 (see DIARY 13554), which means I have to delay Amy, quick get a shower, and she doesn't come until 3, when she psychometrizes the pages and then gets a quick session from 3:45-4:35 (see DIARY 13553) and leaves, and I'd put on a vaguely smelly veal steak for lunch at 11, then when she left I felt hungry but NOT like joining Bruce for dinner here, so I made popcorn and read the last story in "The Martian Odyssey" until 7:30, when I watched "In Search of Sodom and Gomorrah" at Tell Mardickah, then at 8 fussed around with the pile of stuff I had to handle on my desk, feeling depressed, and then get to these pages so that I can finish 14 before Dennis gets here, forgetting I phoned Susan to set up appointments, reading her from Diary, which freaks her out, about herself, try calling Rolf, and it's now 11:15. Dennis calls abjectly apologetic for late-class time at 11:20, and I type page until 11:30. Keep checking the chicken and it's OK, phone Rolf and talk until Dennis comes in at 11:55, and he has lots to say about Florida via ITT land (see DIARY 13556), and then we eat; he's starved so I serve the maraschinoed apples first and he loves them, then the crispy Cornish hen that's been cooking at 300 for 150 minutes, corn, wine, and a taste of mousse that's like chocolate pudding, and then to cuddle in bed without ANYTHING to help and he's into his cock and shoots all over me and the blankets before I put poppers away and turn off lights about 1:15, asleep instantly.

DIARY 13562

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 24. Alarm goes and Dennis dozes, I wake him and get out of bed at 7:55 to sauté onions and the last of smelly bacon and 5 eggs into a delicious omelet, then get into the shower at 8:40 before he leaves for Dr. Winston to get a filling replaced, and out at 9:05 to do dishes and think of Bob's Comet series of stories (see DIARY 1357), and Pat Mandino comes in at 9:35 and we chat and she does a GREAT session on me (see DIARY 13558) and has to leave at 11:10, and talk to Ernie, about writing a reference letter by Don; Tom Falletta, about computer indexing, which I call Rolf to forward information to; and Andre, who wants to change the meeting to 2:30. Then work on the 3-page Indexing Specifications (see DIARY 13559-13561) to serve as a framework for the meeting, getting finished at 2, then down to Dennis's to pick up his index-book xerox and the mail, which I don't get a chance to read because Andre and Allegra ring at 2:15 and chat about her French-speaking vocabulary, then Amy phones and arrives at 2:35, Rolf comes in at 2:40, and Jim enters at 2:50 while I was starting, and Andre interrupts a lot, but we get mostly done by 3:30, when Rolf has to leave, then Jim leaves after coffee at 4:30, Amy leaves about 5, and Andre and Allegra and I go down to Dennis's apartment to look around about 6:30, and they leave about 7, leaving me to read the mail and feel somewhat dazed by the afternoon, having given the "Coal" index to Jim and the "Mood-Altering Chemicals" to Allegra to try with Azak's help, and he's come up with the GOOD suggestion to have a 10-30 page example-test of marking and card-making, and he has ideas for Dennis's apartment, too. They leave, Dennis calls about dinner, I type 4 of day's 7 pages by 8:35, heat on VERY strongly and me getting uncomfortable all dressed up. Also throw away a totally used typewriter ribbon and finally take down the garbage today! Put stuff away and take wine and muffins downstairs for Dennis's spaghetti, and I find that Allegra has taken Dennis's index! Phone Andre and Jim and get no answer, and Amy calls Dennis about typewriter and SHE doesn't have it. We have kir and sausage-spaghetti and banana splits with buttered almond ice cream, bananas, and dates and walnuts, then get into bed so tired that we just cuddle, fall asleep, and put stereo and candles out later.

DIARY 13564

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 25. Radio goes, we doze, I cuddle, he comes up, we masturbate and I come first and he comes VERY deliberately (after saying his usual "I've got to get up") and it's 8:20 as he steps into the shower and 8:40 as he comes out, and I've formed hierarchy and lit the warrior power ray, which I figure will be good with Ed Mascali, if indeed he returns, and we have an encounter with reality (see DIARY 13563) that he doesn't like, and I come upstairs to put things away and leave work with Dorothy Hunter at 10:20, with Susan MacMahon at 10:22, talk with Paul Pasmantier at 10:24, with Faye Levey at 10:26, leave word with Michael Sullivan at 10:28, Rolf doesn't answer at 10:30, Barbara Bullied says the xerox is fixed at 10:32, Andre gives me Allegra's number at 10:34, she doesn't answer at 10:40, and I'd finished reading Dennis's New Yorker over the john earlier. Then type these two pages by 10:55, call Spartacus ready for a GOOD day, and Andre's BEGGING me to lunch with him. Mark the 119 pages in 100 minutes from 11-1, stopping to talk on the phone, and then type 240 cards for the Influence of Ocular Light Perception on Metabolism in Man and in Animal index from 1-1:35, edit from 1:35-2:10, type from 2:10-2:50, proofread and finish from 2:50-3:05, decide on 50 minutes delivery, so that's 4 hours 30 minutes for $99 bill, which is fine. Out to pick up 2 more JOYI letters, lots of meat, 2 bottles of champagne, groceries, and my pants at dry cleaners, loaded! Phoned Barbara about line count, and she didn't mention the author index, which IS FINE, since I can take index in tomorrow and XEROX all day, and then get back some OTHER time with the author index. Dorothy calls and says 6 is fine, so I get to make hamburger and finally finish "World's Last Mysteries" that had been my dinner-reading for months, bringing in "Food" to replace it. Shower and wash my hair and put things away and leave for Dorothy's, thinking that Andre may have given me the wrong number for Allegra, since I can't reach her all day, nor is Rolf home in many calls. Get there and have a quick interchange with George Hall and talk with Dorothy and have a session with her (see DIARY 13570), then we walk down to center, going quickly at end, and have an activating session on forgiveness (see DIARY 13571), subway home with Marilyn and Maureen and Margaret, buy wine for Dennis, have his very good spinach quiche and wine, I put fork on plate and that's just what's missing from table! Get to bed without smoking and have very good sex, conscious enough to turn off stereo and blow out candles before falling asleep about 1 am.

DIARY 13572

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 26. Wake and cuddle and maybe have sex again, and then he gets up to warm the quiche not too hot, and then I'm upstairs to phone Barbara to make sure the xerox is working, which it is, get a call from Allegra last night and find she has a DIFFERENT number from the one that Andre gave me, and talk to her and agree to see her about 2 with her problems on the Mood-Altering Drug index; call Rolf and tell him about the guy last night, and then I feel that I'm getting out rather late when I leave at 11 for Springer, having stopped at bank for $300 and taken out Chinese laundry, leaving the subject index with Barbara, who asks where the author index is, and she checks to find that it SHOULD be done while I'm out xeroxing from about 11:45-1:15, getting more paper from Joan Ann, who's saying "Oh, I know a fabulous ind---he just walked in behind you!" She lets me copy her Academic Press specs (which I get a new version of on Saturday!), I give her a few copies of the indexing notes, and I keep xeroxing though someone from Springer is asking across the hall WHO I am! Panic when I see a copy-number list, but realize it's for the company across the hall, and I don't have to sign off on it. Get the 600 pages finished, feeling great about it, and get over to Dennis's at 1:15 to meet Chloe and a newly-blond Linda, out at 1:30 to Raja-Rani Restaurant for not too great food, but he likes reading the JOYI October letter and the indexing outline while he has Kima curry, flavorful meat that he doesn't like, and I have lamb curry, and the best is the $2.50 appetizer plate! Over to Allegra's at 2:15 and decide she CAN'T do the drug index, take it away, give her the author index, answer and repeat many answers for her, then drag her out at 4:30 to Apollo to buy 2 boxes of cards for her, indexing cards, markers, and she leaves at 5 while I wait for my 18 boxes to be bound with my xeroxing, and it's not THAT bad carrying it home, but it's 5:45 when I get there so I'm sweating and smelly but get out instantly to Arthur's, getting there at 6:35 for a VERY loving body session (see DIARY 13573) until 8:35, when Susan comes in, highly pained in her back, and I get back to phone Dennis at 9:15 and say I'll be making my hamburger dish, so he comes up about 10, Rolf is here to pick up index, he talks during our eating, insists I should incorporate, I feel good toward him, kiss him, and having said "Thank you" to get a shit-eating grin and he says "Thank YOU." I don't even have time to put things away, we eat, drink, I shower, he smokes, and we lie together but feel very tired so we don't have sex, getting to sleep about 12.

DIARY 13574

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 27. Tell Dennis that Susan's coming at 9, but when the alarm rings he goes back to sleep. I'm horny and have fun jerking off, hoping to wake him up, and he DOES wake up a few times, he says, but just can't seem to stay awake, so he rolls over again and I get up at 7:50 feeling rather frustrated, shower, while he makes coffee, and then reheat the hamburger stuff from last night, having the rest of the corn, and he uses the half and half that he brought up from downstairs. I'm annoyed and he's eating quickly to get out of the way, and when I say "It doesn't work for Susan to come at 9" he says "It seemed to for YOU" and I think that implies "but not for ME," but he says that wasn't part of it. He's out at 9:10 and she's not here yet, though I thought I heard him talking to someone, but I brush my teeth and even get into interleaving copies of the second JOYI xeroxing when she enters at 9:40, which annoys me, so I give her 5 minutes, she messes it up, finally has a body session from me (see DIARY 13575) and leaves at 11:10, after Amy had called about my reading, and I get to her place for another incredible reading (see DIARY 13565-13569) until 1:35, and I get home feeling great and phone Ute to find her out for the day, I call Terry to get LONG deadline. Jim calls me, THEN Andre calls to say Coal's finished MONDAY, and Michael says the trip's too hard. I had called Stimmel at 10:50 to find things were fine, called Rolf to come over at 3, and then get to type 3 pages before Rolf enters about 3:15, going over questions he has on the Mood-Altering Drug index, and then we talk for a frustrating time about my getting incorporated (see DIARY 13576), by which time it's 4:30, Susan calls to say she's too busy and won't be over, Amy called to say SHE wouldn't be over because she has too much to do, so Rolf stays until 5:10, when Arthur enters, saying he couldn't stand Arthur's gaze, and then HE gets onto the table quickly so that I can give HIM a body session (see DIARY 13577), and he leaves fairly early, I think to watch a magician at 8, but don't feel like getting into it, decide to go through the mail that I didn't have a chance to go through the past two days because they've been SO busy (see DIARY 13578), put on Cornish hen for dinner about 9, put things away, water VERY dry plants, Dennis up about 10:30, we have better champagne and vegetables and not-so-good apples in brandy, and again we're both so tired that when we get into bed about 12:30 we just fall asleep, and I've not done LIGHTWORK!

DIARY 13579

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 28. We're awake about 8, I lay over him and massage his cock with my knee, then we're into it, necking and jerking, and he gets VERY hard, which gets me VERY hard, and I come effusively and he uses my come to work his red cockhead into a white foamy lather, and then he gets up on my chest and comes on my chest and stomach, and then we lay together and he gets up to shower and I sauté onions and use the rest of the bacon to have good omelets, and he goes downstairs at 9 and Susan doesn't show up until 11:15, so I'd gotten into sorting out the last of the JOYI pages into letter-sets, and she gets in, activated, with a mind that just WILL not function, but she serves to let ME know a lot of the processing to be done for class, and we leave about 12:20 to get there, chat with others, and get in for the second Star Intro class (see DIARY 13580), where I give the center section and forget the backfill! This lasts till 4:15, I go down in the elevator alone and quickly, piss, subway to Borough Hall where I buy 30 envelopes, two packages of hamburger, and two bottles of wine before lugging them home to find Dennis at the typewriter saying he only has 500 cards for the 1200 line index! Panic for awhile, but he seems to have MORE than 500 and about 150 pages still to type, so it's not THAT bad. He finishes a section and has more he wants to mark downstairs, so I type the mailing list for the JOYI sections and start stuffing envelopes, then watch "The Unknown War" about the incredible Russian machinery-move to eastern Russia in about 6 months after the start of the war, with millions of people, then finish the mailing and watch "Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park" with Paul Stanley as StarChild, nice young hairy chest; Gene Simmons as Demon, older hairier chest; Peter Criss as Catman, with a Brooklyn lisp; and Ace Frehley as SpaceAce, who hardly talks at all, with a BEAUTIFUL Terry Lester as android-Sam, pursued by Melissa, who's not listed, with Anthony Zerbe as an effective mad inventor. That goes until 10, finish the mailing, put on the Kiev at 10:15, set the clocks back an hour, which is good, make a list of people invited to the party November 22, a list of pages I need xeroxed, Dennis comes up to type, we start eating at 11, he can't finish his third croquette when butter doesn't hold inside, we get into bed after brushing teeth and I shut light out and we chat, then say "Goodnight" and sleep.