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1987 3 of 3

10/19/87: Getting into sensory overload after a full day of TV watching: first the "Only One World" cogency of three "disaster" areas in the world: the Sahel, where drilling deep wells stabilized a formerly nomadic culture, and suddenly the cattle concentrations increased, grazing increased, farming increased, and firewood use increased, so that erosion and drought made the situation WORSE rather than better; Mexico, where the Conpontral Scheme (or something like that) brought people in from the countryside to AGAIN chop down forests, increase farming, but when the land couldn't support it, to increase grazing (for American hamburgers), with AGAIN destroyed the land; and everywhere ELSE where artificial crops meant REDUCING food-crops and INCREASING fertilizers and pesticides; and in the North Sea, where increased "crop gathering" literally DENUDED the oceans of herring in the 70's, and is doing the same thing with cod and whitefish in the 80's, putting entire villages out of commission, and it seems so immediate that we STOP thinking of the world as something to PLUNDER and start thinking of her as something to preserve for the future. But again the questions of "Would I live in the country and devote as much energy to subsistence farming as these cultures have always been willing to do?" and "How can the DEVELOPED countries insist to the UNDEVELOPED countries that they should retain their forests when the UNITED STATES WAS BUILT on the destruction of its forests?" and "How can ANYONE say "stop this and give up luxuries" when WE NOW have all the luxuries we want?" Then there was the "Right to Die" with Rakel Welch acting Eleanor Rhuma and dying of ALS, with the ludicruous denoument that she had to be REMOVED from the hospital because "We couldn't allow the legal ramifications of allowing someone to die in a public hospital," as if a hospital's jurisdiction over life and death were a LEGAL rather than a MORAL matter, or that ANY moral matters (like abortion, sexual preference, divorce, etc) be subject to ANY legal stupidities. Then the "Glasnost" Capitol to Capitol exchange with the pushy Peter Jennings interrupting, the Russians saying that we're pushing OUR points AGAINST them (which of course we are), and then WE try to end up looking flawless, which obviously we're not. And I "want" to work on the book, but I want to finish the television tapes worse, and I'm getting a stunned feeling that ALL current movies are rehashes of movies I'd seen better before, that most of the TV plots are rehashes of stereotypes I've seen many times before, and yet I keep watching, wanting to get caught up, then wanting to get to the book, but always afraid of addressing the issues of DEATH that programs like "Right to Die" bring up: obviously I STILL want to live forever, even though I KNOW that I'm PAST my peak, yet still have SO many restaurants, exhibits, operas, countries, books, movies, plays, puzzles that I want to continue doing. And now, anyway, I HAVE to do dishes!!

10/21/87: Notes from Far Journeys by Robert A. Monroe (RAM), borrowed from Actualism library 10/2/87: p.6: 1972 a new era in out-of-body activities.
p.9: rescued from fall twice! p.18: Focus 10. p.19: bouncing on ceiling.
p.19: move toward pinpoint of light. p.30: "Individual...begins to know...that he does survive physical death." p.32: Focus 15, 21, 26, 27. p.36: 7-day Gateway programs. p.39: 1974 contact with intelligent beings. p.51: "We are.. quite consciously dreamt by a more advanced sort of consciousness." p.52: Levels 22-28. p.54: seven levels in this reality; beyond 49 leaves this realm of existence...even larger circle...enclosed in evan a great does not ever stop. p.85B: dark archway/female sexuality: SIZZILY! p.92-3: RAM hates to fly! p.97: "The in-human experience is merely an addition to what you are." p.100: UFOs "manifestations of another pattern." p.121-123: his "vision of reality." p.147: Last-Timers; me? p.149: life as fun; me? p.152-3: just- dead. p.164: conflict provides LOVE?? p.169: now LONELINESS provides love! p.172: We're milked cows? p.181: wife Nancy. p.202: sounds planned, by RAM!
p.206: in retrospect, he would NOT trail off. p.236: AA = Ashaneen = Monroe?? p.241: HTSI, had before. p.246-7: total Gurdjieffian bullshit. p.248: too heterosexual. p.260: impossible philosophizing. p.262: No pain, no pleasure!
p.263: Paddle your own canoe: Pas de Lieu Rhone que Nous.

10/30/87: Woke this morning with a CLEAR idea of what was going to be in my 1987 Christmas letter: 1) Indexing Handbook, 2) NO travel, 3) Ready for "halfway" birthday party at 52 1/2 (halfway to 105) on Friday, September 30, 1988. All you distant people, MAKE PLANS to be in New York for a convention, a vacation, or just-before-catching-a-flight-overseas. And, in the spirit of my "give yourself a gift from me; give me a paper gift" suggestion of my hugely successful 50th birthday LAST year, for my "halfway" birthday NEXT year my suggestion will be "give yourself HALF a gift from me; give me the OTHER half"!! Nothing like a challenge to the old brain-cells?!

11/14/87 (typed 11/20): Roger Woolger (RW) workshop (tapes from session will be $8 each). 10:20AM start: 35 women, 3 men. Childhood "rituals" as clues to past lives (PL). Countries that ATTRACT or REPEL are clue. Good EXERCISE to "check out" countries. Books and music and pictures good clues. "Soul-mates" part of PL. Goethe: We have SPIRITUAL families. If you think SPIRITUALLY, you're reborn SPIRITUALLY; if you think PHYSICAL, you're PHYSICALLY reborn. Jung: Four Archetypes "Rebirth" (I have it). RW: We are MANY selves; EACH person's task is to INTEGRATE many facets. EASY to deal with BRIGHT past; HARDER with SHADOW pasts: grieving and lost. Lots of "convincing" examples of PL. PL Complexes (PLC) may run your life. Survivors of community traumas fear the marketplace and are loners. Dying through: "It's not safe to be around people." UNFINISHED stories/Karma is crux. Action in PAST creates REACTION in present. VENGEFUL thoughts ("I'll get back at them") lead to Karma. You must play ALL sides in dramas. RW: Happy lives not useful in THERAPY; thus MOST past lifetimes are BORING. Negative karma is WORKABLE. Easy lives are "free parking" lives. Reincarnation: A) Evolution (Blavatsky) This is a SCHOOL; we have LESSONS. STORIES of PAST become METAPHORS or life-scripts for PRESENT. Principle: Always FINISH the story. When your HEAD is threatened, you HUNCH into your shoulders. PL THERAPY goes for CATHARSIS. Finish 1) Bodily, 2) Emotionally, 3) Mentally. Etheric energy /life force CONTORTS and CONVULSES body in TRYING to LEAVE BODY at death. Chronic pain is left-over PL trauma. Soul MERGES with GENETIC material to MOLD personality. Written on board: PL is all these: 1) Projection (Tabula Rasa) of our own thoughts, 2) Great Memory (per Yeats and Jung), 3) Reincarnation, being A) Evolutionary (per Blavatsky), B) "Great Wheel" (per Hindus and Buddhists), C) Multiple Self (per Jung & RW).
The body is surrounded close-in (about 1-1.5 inch) by etheric field, also called the healing field, the life-energy field, chi, prana, and orgone energy. SCARS on this body are called Samskara: beheading blocks neck centers. An outer body, or aura, is the astral or EMOTIONAL body, and outside THAT is the mental body with key THOUGHTS. Physical-body releases in contortions; emotional-body releases in tears; mental-body releases in INSIGHT. "Mother (to care for) was CHILD who died and she HUNG herself for." "It's not safe to be still," persons died in siege in TRENCHES or being chased: "It's not safe." Unfinished patterns sit in all three levels. Emotional: free-floating anxiety, never have enough, worthlessness, ugliness. Therapy: Go into story until EMOTION starts. Many CURRENT traumas are PL RERUNS. RW: Unfinished business attracts people, but "We don't choose our parents." "I am I, my higher self, am I god?" "Thy will be done" IS your choice. SOME people die QUITE CLEARLY: "Ah, this is the LAST TIME for me." Two cancers will have two different meanings. The Ego-Identity is surrounded by creative or shadow selves, which are FRAGMENTS of PL soldiers, starvers, musicians, tyrants, rapees, Spinozas. We must INTEGRATE to include ALL, then GUIDE figures (or other versions of higher self) appear. "Not by paying $300 and seeing a Being of Light." Trungpa: Westerners have CRAZY minds---he demands three years of sitting and seven years of training to become aware of buddha-nature or higher self. Jung: We ENLIGHTEN by taking LIGHT into DARK. Suzuki: "Give the bull of the mind a large enough field and let it run until it quiets." Compassion arises from YOUR understanding of YOUR faults. Mother Teresa WORKS to fight her in-Hitler!

11/20/87: Genius has INTEGRATED many of these, which BREAK UP and RE-Disperse (ego-fragments surrounding Ego-Identity, above). Christ & Buddha & Avatars & Boddhisatvvas are all HIGHER beings. RW likes Hinduism: Hatha Yoga: Body; Bakti Yoga: Love/Devotion/Chanting/Heart; Laya Yoga: Breath/Subtle/Krijas; Raja Yoga: Spirit & Mysticism; Jnana Yoga: Knowledge. RW: You don't have to BELIEVE in PL, you just come up with STORY, as in Moreno's Psychodrama for catharsis and purification and letting go our attachment to tragedy. THIS is story-therapy. "Stories easier to UNDERSTAND than dreams." Dreams are VERY condensed and complex. "Intellect goet in the way; have it sit in the corner and observe and stay OUT." COMPENSATORY stories "whipped-cream" terrors. He was at LEARNING ANNEX on 7th Avenue in Park Slope last week. Break 11:55-12:10. Then Pairs of "Ten-cent readings." Reading "Present traits" is SAME as reading "fragments of PL". MANY report ACCURACY with NAMES. Lunch 1PM-2:25. Go out with Barbara, but she's got an ERRAND and I eat alone at Blimpie's. Back at 1:50 to debate saying I WANT to work, but would be very INTELLECTUAL about it. Don't. Sit and write this. Guided meditation to glimpse PL. "Crossing the Bridge"---works best (of many) for most people. Talbot's Book "Your Past Lives" is good (only in hardcover now), but Woolger's is best. 2:30: Meditate with music, then to misty bridge by 2:55, bringing back POSTCARD: mine: Young woman in long white and blue dress, holding parasol, black curls, to small cottage in woods and simply-covered beadstead. Lives cluster in thematic groups. 3:30 picked "Tight-corseted horsewoman" to work with. Jeanette comes to the conclusion: "I don't trust myself." Affirmation "I'm safer; I can have less control." Break 4:05-4:35. RW charges $60/hour; $120/2 hours in New Paltz. Figure 3-10 two-hour sessions to MAJOR problem. 4:$%: Roman Legionnaire Sherry---She was torn apart by dogs when he RAN. Again I get turned off by avidity for pain/agony/death from FEMALE attendees. "It's OK to show and express what I really feel now." "The people you've KILLED as a soldier STAY WITH you until you can ask their FORGIVENESS> POOR: NO one is so sinful as I. To 5:35. Calculated that as MANY people who lived THROUGH past are NOW alive now. WARS and concentration camps FINISH UP poor karma for MANY souls. RW: Hindus say Kala Yuga of 6000 years ends in the year 2000. AIDS and Cancer reflect BREAKDOWN of cells to accept subtle energies. RW saw cosmic rays in alps under LSD. "If we can make it through to next century we may be EMBODIED in a different (more sensitive) way." RW admires Rene Guenon---ranked with Jung---great metaphysician of century. RW: Good book: The Magus of Cyprus. End exactly at 6PM, and I'm exhausted from it; and not much GOOD, Tho.

11/21/87: BRIVE menus: Lamb-stuffed red cabbage and raisins as amuse-bouchees.
Two dark kirs and a good $20 Merlot. Pasta and tilefish/bluefish/scrod meat-balls. Cepes in sauce. Liver and pepper coating with mustard greens; my sweetbreads and three glazes of red pepper/spinach/leek, and shiitake rondele in center. Citrus plate has orange souffle, lime creams, and marinated grapefruit in sugar-glaze cup. Nut plate has petite Suisse (cheese puff with hazelnuts sprinkled over it), small pecan tart, and cream-nut filled dacquoise. Then first mignardises with my coffee of coconut cookie, tiny napoleon, little cake, and then a SECOND mignardises of nut-flaked cocoa-less chocolate truffles, candied citrus rinds covered with sugar, little muffins, and sugar-coated almonds. Mary paid $80: $50 for liver, $5 for kir, $10 for wine, $5 tax, $10 tip, and I paid $104 to make up the final bill of $184, which she said was too much for her, but I thought it was a good place and would look forward to returning with someone. Passed Cafe Nicholson with a fixed-price dinner WITH wine of $39.50 which Mary said she'd be interested in, and Joe Easter calls with many restaurants to be added to my list, including L'Excluse on Lower Sixth Avenue and King Street, and he's attracted by the two-star review of Bouley and is even willing to pay the $65 for the 8-course tasting menu some evening, and I'm willing to go along, even to a fixed-price cheapo menu at Le Chantilly, which might have improved since Dennis & I went way back.

11/23/87: Incredible experience WAKING UP this morning: I came to consciousness as if I were floating between my blankets, totally without feeling of weight or discomfort or temperature or equilibrium. I noted this, and then began to have a sense of the warm flannel sheet bearing me up and the warm blankets bearing down on me. With no other thoughts in mind, I noted this change; and then I sensed my breathing, but there was the tiniest bit of a tinge of effort, of energy-expenditure, in this sensation. Then I noted my legs, which felt somehow swollen in their feeling of being warm and comfortable, and I began to feel my arms in their positions around my head and along my body. After a few monents I swallowed, noticing a slight harshness and soreness in my throat, and then became strongly aware of nasal congestion, as if I still were coming down with a cold. By this time my mental process had become aware of a PROGRESSION in these sensations, as if I were coming out of a drugged-unaware state into an undrugged-aware state. Now my legs felt too big for their skin, and I could feel the cutaneous pressure against my veins and arteries, and began hearing a slight susurrus in my ears. There was a twist in my shoulder, as if I'd slept with it at an awkward angle, and quickly I was aware of a full, slightly uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. I moved, and my thumb-joint broadcast its now-familiar bursitic pain, and my neck gave a twinge as I shifted the position of my head. Now the "metaphor" was unavoidable that I had in SOME sense been "out of my body" at the moment I woke, but I was "coming back into my body" through these brief moments---taking perhaps 15 seconds---and it was decidedly a progression from blissful non-sensation to painful awareness of negative pressures and tensions from many parts of my body. As the total impact of my weightiness, my discomfort, my muscular and organic irritations, and my mental awareness of the POSSIBILITY of having been in a "more pleasant state" and now returning to a "less pleasant state" hit me, I began to feel like a character in an Algernon Blackwood novel who takes a number of pages to describe the dawning awareness of "something being different" where once all had been totally normal and expected. After a bit I literally lay there bathed and absorbed in my mental and physical discomfort, until it was inevitable that thoughts of death, voluntary and involuntary, began to cross my mind. Would this be how it felt to come back into a body after a long period of being discarnate? How intensely would these feelings of discomfort have to build up before I would not want to endure them each morning? I took thought and slightly relieved my situation by revving up some energies and taking a more objective look at my position: I WAS up after only about 6 hours of sleep, so I wasn't really totally rested yet. I HAD been coming down with a cold, and was taking medicines and teas and putting petrolatum and camphorated oil in and around my nose to try to prevent the dryness. I opened my eyes and the light irritated them, adding another dimension to my discomfort. I smelled unpleasant bodily smells, and some small areas of my body felt sweaty and cold at the same time. I moved my tongue around in my mouth and encountered the familiar abrasions on the inside of my cheek next to my upper left wisdom tooth, and the uneven surfaces of my oft-worked-over teeth. I swallowed again and felt I must have some water, should take some Vitamin C capsules, needed to urinate, wanted to break this spell of self-absorption that led me from selfless floating to egocentric irritation and annoyance and discomfort. I recalled the slight pain earlier this morning that led to me consider who I would call if I thought my appendix had burst, feeling not for the first time that it's not a very good idea to live alone in an apartment in which it's impossible to enter, without breaking a window, without my unbarring the door from the inside. I wanted to make notes of the increasing negative sensations, so that I could orchestrate an evenly-rising crescendo of discomfort ending with extreme mental anguish, broken only by getting out of bed to encounter other sensations to ensure myself being IN my body and NOT feeling that everything was NOT working. And I finally managed to commit it to paper by 2:45PM, just before Sherryl arrives for her "gift" bodysession from me.

11/24/87: Zen Master Rama free at City Center. Get there at 7:05 to small crowd and closed doors. 7:17 Doors open. Man "I don't push." Me: "You sure are an expert at blocking traffic." Read brochure. P.9: "Enlightened previously." Is THIS why I so RESIST ideas of living before? Another I may have done work that I benefit from WITHOUT having done that work? It's not I'm BLAMED for what another did, but I BENEFIT from what another did? 7:40 Lower level looks filled. 7:46 Lights begin to dim. 7:50 He enters, sits, removes Adidas, and rummages in shoulderbag. I've finished brochure. Woman to right INCESSANTLY sniffles. Kitaro-like pretaped music. He smiles as he sits on his left ankle, shifting slightly. 7:53 Music fades and audience quiets, he speaks of album "Tiger" and starting words are "Life if a circle." ZAZAN: Focus of concentration. Mindfulness: Analysis of experience; consciousness.
ZA=Sit, ZEN=emptiness---or fullness. His definition: Zen = No Difference; no Differentiation, no subject/object. I am---all those things I'm NOT: you, it, them. Suchness = Thatness = Reality = Aim of experience. Waves are SOLID, then gone; transient: EMPTY. Our WAYS of looking are 10,000 minds or Diamond Mind. Nirvana is OCEAN from which waves come forth. Samsara is the PERCEPTUAL universe. Nirvana is beyond dualistic interpretation. Core of Zen: There is no self. EMPTY SELF melts at death/satori/enlightenment. He's older and "matte"-er than photograph. Fromm: ESSENTIAL drive is to be one with all things. Zen is RAPID path to enlightenment. Reality is STILLNESS when perceived without thought. Meditation uses chi (energy of the universe) to stop thought. 8:13 He sits on flat backs of heels: SITTING. Meditation does no good unless you're FOCUSSED, not just "running with your Walkperson." POLARITY in photos (fuzzy critters on Buddhas) leads to (GOOD finger-pop) EPIPHANY. Essential message of religion: there's always HOPE. Meditation CONCENTRATES on one point: Three Chakras: where energies JOIN. Third eye (for wisdom), Chest (for balance), and navel-or-one-inch-below (for power). "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind" for BEGINNERS. 1) Finger-touch chest-center (right thumb); ignore thoughts, 8:31-8:41. Center of balance or happiness. "Mandala of Light" music: Kalki's Journey thru 10,000 States." He sits in CHAIR. "Zazen deals with HANDS" Don't PUSH, don't FLOP. Mindfulness CONSERVES energy in living; zazen releases energy, in a LIGHT FOCUS. Practice 15-20-30 minutes each day. 2) Navel-finger-touch (left mid-finger) to "Cosmic Shuffle" (bop) 8:48-8:58, and "Tibetan Rhapsody." HANDCLAPS overly-sharp too; it's his mike. Mindfulness is focussing to be CENTERED ALWAYS. 1st level is: be here now. Mindfulness EXAMINES experience. We see life as IDEA, not as EXPERIENCE of it. Buddhists say all time and space are IDEAS, not really REAL. In Zen: Don't EXPLAIN, just meditate and LIVE. STRUCTURE of Zen brings you to point where you realize that there is no structure. 3) Celebration meditation: Third eye, wisdom (right mid-finger)---may have visual/color experiences. OK. It's irrelevant; keep focusing; you're GOING someplace in images. 9:14-9:26 "Kala Yuga Blues and Greens" and "Lord Vishnu's Force of Vision." Tapes available for sale. Previously used "Tangerine Dream" and "Private Music." Small classes of 25-125. LARGE group to see how many people would be interested in NYC. Follow meditation REGARDLESS of form. Mentions strategic arms agreement for the second time. "Bring people together to meditate and channel energy." "Maybe tip balance in positive way, in New York City: the beginning and ending of all things. Encourage you to be healthy---THAT is reality; everything else is illusion. Thank you, goodnight. At 9:30 he carries shoes and shoulderbag off. People chat and leave. Recorded music plays. Woman to right starts sniffling AGAIN; she hadn't at ALL through the session. The music blocked out any other distracting sounds. I picked up three packets from the table; didn't go upstairs to see who was buying the tapes. No pitch; reasonable sincerity; I figured I migth pay $10 to go to one of the two-night sessions. Gave a brochure to Pope, who liked it, and might join me in the sessions; gave one to Dennis, who'll looke at it later, and have one for tomorrow for Bob and Sherryl. Good experience, but not earthshaking. Good enough to try once more.

[Commissioned to inaugurate the observance of the Diamond Anniversary Year 1972-1973 of Phi Mu Alpha. The Sinfonia Series.]
For mixed chorus and narrator with piano accompaniment. Music by Lalo Schifrin and text by Ray Bradbury. Copyright 1972 by Associated Music Publisher, Inc., New York/London. All rights reserved. NY Public Library Call#: JNF 72-96.

II Dark rock on flint on stone
The empty Universe turns over in its sleep.
And turning strikes one spark That makes an altar in the dark.
Two worlds about to go. Saying Yes and Yes and again Yes
To the great dark silent No.

IV: The rocket bursts in Space The men fall out, fall down,
And down and down across the stars Forever.
Never, never will they cease But fall, but fall and fall and fall.
Across the Universe they go.
And fall and fall away like leafs from a tree.
They fall, they vanish, blow, in a wild soft winter of time.
They snow, they fall, they vanish, blow (last word spoken).

VI: We drift, we fly We plummet like a leaf in autumn winds.
Yet with no motion. In this ocean of such stars As cannot be but
Are. We stand quite still. We look. We hold our breath - and yet
We fall! To a surprise of Death, Or still alive, To a Doom that
takes its time. But some year soon, Will arrive.

VIII: Listen! Listen! We speak in tongues Which are no tongue!
Listen! Listen! Listen! The Universe is One. The One is all.
The small now The large stands immense, The large is small.
The light is dark. The dark is light. The night turns inside out
to day. And all days round themselves with night.

IX [Script] What a wonder, what a deal! All lives, yet all is dead!
All's a fraud, yet all's one Plan. Man is God, God is Man.
All is innocence, all is sin. Where does God stop, and Man begin?
We know not, yet now accept Not Knowing. The Journey's Done,
But only just begun, So Onward-going now goes Man.

X: We move, we go, we seek, We look for answers in the Pleiades.
We gaze into the sun till we are blind. We send our mind for
questionings Among the Deeps. Where Knowing, Yet Not Knowing,
sleeps. And who are we, you ask, To seek or find? And who are we?
One man or many? Why do you ask When all you need to know
Is that we Go...we Go...we Go.

And this seems as good a place as any to record data that I took down months ago and didn't know what to do with: the printed catalog from the former loose card collection has reproductions of 21 per page, and 550 pages per volume, for a total of 11,550 cards per volume. There are 800 volumes, which represents a total of 9,240,000 cards. Since there are at least three cards per volume (two for each volume of fiction, but more on the average for nonfiction), that means these represent at least three million volumes---well, works---in the catalog of the library, now recently---meaning with recent additions---available at the computer console through the CATNYP system. And now I can get rid of the note that I took, and say that I've gotten to the end of the page here with line 60, right here.

12/9/87: Notes on COP (Civilian Observation Patrol) training: 16 people. I put on application form that I prefer to be a basepoint. I said no for 10-12 daily and all day Friday, so I said YES to 12-12 Monday - Thursday, 2 hour slots, twice a month, though I figure I'll volunteer for FOUR-hour slots. We're on the 84th precinct, which is on Gold Street, right at the edge of the precinct. The Base NOTIFIES 911 that we're ON patrol, then relays any messages to the police via 911, on which COP gets PRIORITY. "Look for something distinctive." There's a driver, a partner/observer, and a base for each slot. COP reduces crime. TAKE NO ACTION; you're VULNERABLE. Atlantic to Court to water, but make sure you have NO patterns in patrol. Routine check-in every 1/2 hour. Watching for crime AND quality of life: potholes, running hydrants, hit car, all of which goes into log. The policewoman gives her personal phone as 875-6697. The organizer seems really busy; wonder why she does it?

12/14/87: First of two-day Zen Seminar, which was $25, not $10, in beautiful Weil Hall, which was Carnegie Recital Hall. I pay at 8PM, having sat in Blue Room since 6:30, reading. Sit in left front corner as people register. He arrives at 8:20: "so quiet I'm in church?" About 50 of us. Diet Jolt, twice the caffeine. Tangerine DReam "Warsaw" concert music. "Wrapping" causing people to see YOUR point of view, probably wrong. Learned (with two syllables) behavior, he says. Requires LESS energy to sit cross-legged. BZ: WE ARE the universe manifesting itself. In our NATURAL state the mirror is CLEAR. LATER, it's grimy. POLISHING the mirror cleans off dust, so clear YOU vanish in it! Come to Zen with as FEW preconceptions as possible---and get rid of THOSE. TANTRIC method is TOUGH, good for this tough, dark age. Tantra USES physicalness and activations of daily life to go to INFINITY. Use chi of ANY THING to go to infinity. Matter is now DENSER than before. Tantra is NOT sex! Great music by Patrick O'Hearn, on the Private Music label, "Between Two Worlds." Tantra = Razor's edge = tricky path. Introductory phase can be entered and left AT RANDOM. Intermediate is rigorous: read books, see videos, do homework. Teacher's aim: to get you to STAY enlightened WITHOUT them. He uses phrase "substrata of suchness." You carry WAREHOUSE (opinions, memories, SELVES) that keeps you STUCK. Don't start "warehouse" of spiritual dogma. Language/thought INTERRUPTS pure EXPERIENCE. Mindfulness is meditation in motion/life/waking. Meditation/Zazen comes FIRST; go AWAY from words. No practice - no progress. Teaching process is NOT demonstration of teacher's cleverness. Zen level #1 (stopping thought): three chakras: third eye (knowledge), heart (balance), and navel (power), and there ARE more. Concentration is visualization is candle-flame is energy. Zen is circle: BEST and most experienced teacher has BEGINNER'S MIND. Level #2: No-Thought. Level #3: Neither thought nor no-thought. Meditate on Ajna 10:05-10:09. About 60 people on better count. All is energy; energy changes; whatever changes is not real." We WANT to progress from changeable to unchangeable. CUTE guy attracts me across way; I stayed in ACTUALISM at first for cute guys! Satori is a glimpse; samadi is an hour; enlightenment is weeks. From particular to enlightenment; e.g. "Queen for a Day" and club sandwiches. Justaposing ENOUGH levels brings direct perception of reality. Basic problem is life: You FORGET stages of awareness you go through. Incarnation: terminating life of interminable life. Meditate 10:57 to 11:11 on the navel, which is the end. Meditation should go from fifteen minutes once per day to twice per day to a maximum of one HOUR twice a day. I go back next day (having reserved in non- existent Carpaccio, later find there's one on 59th St), and decide not to take any notes. Cute guy comes into Blue Room and reads Traveler magazine, but I cannot bring myself to talk to him. He doesn't meet my many glances. At the break, the cutie avoids me in the john! Some OTHER guy remarks "Close together, aren't they?" I decide not to go back: as I say to someone, if I can't do the ONE 30-minute meditation on ACTUALISM, why should I do the Zen meditations with so much less investment in them. His talk for "needing 150 in class or I'll go to Boulder or Denver" is also a pressure-applying putoff!!

12/25/87: WHERE AM I NOW? for the first time in ages. Watching tapes on TV, I'm simultaneously stimulated and pleased, even elated, at the chance of watching what I want to watch when I want to watch it---and tuning by chance into "Once More With Feeling" and the Claude Rains "Phantom of the Opera" on unannouncing Channel 9 two nights ago---but then watching a tape of ice skating, which I admit I'd seen before---and speeding through it, I find myself disappointed at the performance (though truly there isn't much skill or sexiness in THIS particular program, we seem to be in a transition period where the older stars are getting set in their patterns while the newer stars haven't arrived on the scene to startle and amaze with their newness yet), yet thinking that if I watched it in REAL time, I'd have the chance to be drawn into it and like it. I AM beginning to see disadvantages of seeing TOO MANY masterpieces, since subsequent programs don't seem as wonderful---though I remind myself that I should get into my Center 0 work and not THINK of what I'd seen in the past, only look at what's on TODAY as coming NOW, and enjoying it on its OWN terms, rather than constantly comparing them to past performances---except that memory DOES serve the purpose of saying "Times are not as good now for movies, or ice skating, or Broadway shows, or novels" as compared to past times---yet I again come up with the argument that we only re-see the BEST from the past, since most of the worst has been winnowed away, and it's unfair to compare EVERYTHING from the present (which manifestly is 95% perishable) to the BEST of the past.
ANYWAY, I wanted to sit and record thoughts, since things ARE making progress: I'm down to only two movies to see on my Academy Award list, only three destinations in my world-trip list (though I'm going to Bayreuth, which was NOT one of those, this summer), only a shortening list of movie-tapes to get, a less-than-full list of restaurants to go to in 1988. But things are regressing, too: my shoulder is sore, I'm feeling more tired, I'm getting more worried about growing old and friends dying of AIDS, and things are seeming more routine and uninteresting---though there's still time for the new, such as the 5PM candlelight service yesterday, the interesting guitarist (and peripherally the Spanish triplets with only one parent to care for them) at the surprising party at Marilyn's last night thanks to Vicki, and I've actually begun going THROUGH my videotapes to see things I've recorded. AND the Christmas week turned out to be pretty full, AND Jim might be interesting at the church near Sherryl's, AND I haven't heard from Mitch, so I have to assume that my Indexing Handbook IS out to prospective publishers. AND I finished the Omni puzzle that took so many hours and sent out four copies of it for the contest, though I'm starting to worry about the amount of work I have to do to get enough money for last year's Keogh and IRA plans and this year's taxes, as well as saving money for the trip to Europe, which I hope can be at least as long as a month, since nothing much seems to be going on in Actualism class at this point, and I still want to call Concorde to see if I can't be a courier for that flight over. So there are lots of things going, things are under control (except for aging, though I can't quite get myself into the "placebo- accepting state" that might be necessary for Maya's witchwork to cure my bursitis pains in my shoulder. But one can always hope that the increasing spate of miracle cures form the scientific establishment will give a palliative for the pain before it gets to bad, just as they might cure AIDS too, but that doesn't mean there might not be ANOTHER plague even after that. For the light to be effective, there must be darkness to serve as contrast for it. And now it's past 1:45 and I have to get dressed for Vicki to pick me up at 2PM for a party at Sherryl's, and I hope she can eventually have dinners without Bob, of whom I'm getting rather tired, even though he's been making progress. And Vicki seems to be drawing closer to me, which is nice since she has a car, and I'm looking forward to the holiday season being over, though I'm NOT looking forward to having to intersperse indexes with work on the Indexing Handbook, since obviously I'm NOT going to be finished with 500 draft pages by the end of the year, unless I REALLY get to work, which I somehow doubt at this time!


B 87-01-01 Rilke: Letters on Cezanne
M 87-01-01s Down to his Knees (p)
M 87-01-01s Five Hundred One [501] (p)
M 87-01-01* Fledermaus (new Met production)
M 87-01-01s Wanted: Billy the Kid (p)
O 87-01-01* Fledermaus (new Met production)
M 87-01-02* Balanchine (2 hrs)
M 87-01-02* Providence
R 87-01-02 Gotham Bar and Grill
M 87-01-03s Making It Huge (p)
M 87-01-03s Michael, Angelo, and David (p)
M 87-01-03 Proie du Vent, La (1927)
M 87-01-03s Reflections of Youth (p)
M 87-01-03 Tournai Dans la Cite, Le (1929)
M 87-01-03* Utopia (Laurel and Hardy)
E 87-01-04 Michael Blackburn's party
M 87-01-04s Behind the Greek Door (p)
M 87-01-04s Palace of Pleasures (p)
M 87-01-04s Private Pleasures (p)
E 87-01-06 Waldorf Hotel lobby, Chem Court, Willard House tour
M 87-01-06s Can't Stop the Music
M 87-01-06s Jock Empire (p)
M 87-01-06s One Million B.C. (Mature)
M 87-01-06* South of Pago Pago
M 87-01-06s Sword of Valiant
M 87-01-06s X-Tra Large (p)
R 87-01-06 Lutece lunch
R 87-01-06 Table des Rois drinks for $15
M 87-01-07s American Werewolf in London
M 87-01-07s Footloose
M 87-01-07* Green Dolphin Street
M 87-01-07* Mr. Hulot's Holiday
M 87-01-07* Silence of the North
M 87-01-08* All of Me
M 87-01-08s Bullet Videopak 5 (p)
M 87-01-08s Hunk (p)
R 87-01-08 Lafayette with Joe
M 87-01-09* And the Ship Sails On
M 87-01-09s Lady Frankenstein
M 87-01-09* Phantom of the Opera (Chaney)
M 87-01-09s Wuthering Heights (Timothy Dalton)
M 87-01-10* Hey Good Lookin' (Bakshi)
M 87-01-10* If You Could See What I Hear
M 87-01-10* Mishima
M 87-01-10* Swannin Love
M 87-01-11* Age D'Or, L'
M 87-01-11s I Do (p)
M 87-01-11s Night at Halstons (p)
M 87-01-11* Price, The (Irish ramson)
M 87-01-11s Strictly for Ladies Only (p)
M 87-01-11* Thief of Baghdad (Fairbanks)
O 87-01-12 Battaglia di Legnano, La (Millo)
R 87-01-12 Tapis Rouge
M 87-01-13* Towering Inferno
M 87-01-13* Ultimate Swan Lake
M 87-01-13* Witchcraft Through the Ages
R 87-01-13 Ham Heaven
R 87-01-14 Quilted Giraffe with Susan
M 87-01-17* Beast with Five Fingers
M 87-01-17* Mother Teresa
B 87-01-18 Brillat-Savarin: Physiology of Taste
E 87-01-19 Poe Cottage
M 87-01-19* All My Sons (Aidan Quinn)
M 87-01-19* Out on a Limb (Maclaine)
I 87-01-20 Locker Room (cruising) 9-11
M 87-01-20* Playtime
D 87-01-21 Lyon Opera Ballet: Cinderella
R 87-01-21 Brew Burger
M 87-01-24* Jour de Fete
O 87-01-24 Tannhauser (Jessye Norman)
R 87-01-24 Clover Hill
I 87-01-26 Dentist Mohajer
D 87-01-28 Lyon Opera Ballet: ??
E 87-01-29 IBM Gallery for Japan Exhibit
M 87-01-29* Deadliest Season
M 87-01-29* Honeyboy
M 87-01-29* Muppets Take Manhattan
R 87-01-29 Madame Romaine de Lyons
R 87-01-30 Nice Restaurant (E. Broadway, with Joe)
D 87-01-31 NYCBallet:SongsofAuvergne/LesPetitsRiens/EcstaticOrange/Fanfare
E 87-01-31 Spartacus gives Chinese New Years Party
B 87-02-03 Harrison: Masks of the Universe (LAST BOOK ON SHELF!)
E 87-02-03 IBM Gallery for Japan Exhibit
R 87-02-03 QV with MV
D 87-02-04 Ballet Rambert
E 87-02-04 Brooklyn Museum for "Machine Age" exhibit
R 87-02-04 Le Cour St. Germain
R 87-02-06 Dallas BBQ
R 87-02-07 Old Homestead
M 87-02-08 Enfants Terrible, Les
M 87-02-08 Faute de L'Abbe Mouret, La
M 87-02-08* Tarzan's Revenge
O 87-02-08 Leonora by Bel Canto at Fashion Institute
R 87-02-08 Teresa's
E 87-02-10 Seagram's building art/Top of Sixes drinks with ECB
M 87-02-10* Otello (Vickers)
R 87-02-10 Le Bernardin with Sherryl, Joe, and ECB
M 87-02-11* Criminal Life of Archibaldo de la Cruz
M 87-02-11* Two Mrs. Grenvilles (4 hrs)
R 87-02-11 Keen's Chophouse
B 87-02-12 Lang: Cafe des Artistes Cookbook (from Dennis)
M 87-02-12s Mustang Country
I 87-02-13 Dentist Moskowitz
E 87-02-14 Helmut Newton Photos/Soho/Sherryl's dinner
R 87-02-14 La Provence
B 87-02-15 Bradley: Mists of Avalon
M 87-02-16s Captain Midnight
M 87-02-16s Main Event (Ryan O'Neal)
M 87-02-17* In-Laws, The
M 87-02-17s Police Academy
M 87-02-17s Swamp Thing
M 87-02-17s Twenty Thousand [20,000] Leagues Under the Sea
B 87-02-18 Lem: One Human Minute
R 87-02-18 Three Brothers
R 87-02-19 Cafe des Artistes
B 87-02-20 Sturgeon: Godbody
I 87-02-20 Dentist Moskowitz
R 87-02-20 Queen (Court Street)
D 87-02-21 NYC Ballet: SinfoniaMistica/PiccoloBalletto/TchaiPDD/FourSesns
E 87-02-22 Wagner Concert (OONY)(Eva Marton)
R 87-02-22 Cafe 57
B 87-02-23 Lem: Imaginary Magnitude
P 87-02-23 Harry, Rosie, and Slim (Marj Mahle)
E 87-02-24 Yma Sumac
R 87-02-24 Ballroom
B 87-02-25 Vonnegut: Galapagos
E 87-02-25 EFA meeting
R 87-02-25 A Restaurant
R 87-02-25 Bogarts for drink
E 87-02-26 Gay Friends and Neighbors of Brooklyn Meeting
E 87-02-27 Sharon McKnight at Don't Tell Momma's
I 87-02-28 Dennis cooks mussels here for Cathy O'Shea, Joe, and Sherryl
R 87-03-01 Cheese Cellar for brunch with MacLeans and friends
R 87-03-01 Pasta Pot for Mary V's birthday
M 87-03-02* Phoenix
D 87-03-04 Merce Cunningham at CC
M 87-03-04* Met Gala on TV
P 87-03-05 Donkey's Years
R 87-03-05 Junior's
M 87-03-06* Hud
M 87-03-06* Pride and Prejudice (Aldous Huxley adaptation)
R 87-03-06 Perretti's
M 87-03-08s Casanova (Chamberlain)
M 87-03-08s Computer Wore Tennis Shoes
M 87-03-08 Ernie Kovasc
M 87-03-09* Class (Rob Lowe)
M 87-03-09* Games (Olympics)
M 87-03-09* Go Tell the Spartans
M 87-03-10* American Anthem
M 87-03-10* Clan of the Cave Bear
M 87-03-10* Salvador
R 87-03-10 China Chili
I 87-03-11 Dr. Luttinger at HIP
M 87-03-11* After Hours
M 87-03-11* Trip to Bountiful
M 87-03-12* Absolute Beginners
M 87-03-12* Echo Park
M 87-03-12* Murphy's Romance
M 87-03-12* Nine and One-Half Weeks
B 87-03-13 Gaddis: Carpenter's Gothic
B 87-03-13 Sheckley: Man in the Water
B 87-03-13 Sturgeon: Pruzy's Pot
M 87-03-13* Top Gun
M 87-03-14s Southern Star
M 87-03-14* Wizard of Oz
M 87-03-15* Harvey
M 87-03-15* Woman's Vengeance
M 87-03-16* Endless Summer
M 87-03-16* Thompson Twins: Single Vision
M 87-03-17s Boys Just Want to Have Sex (p)
M 87-03-17s Oversize Load (p)
M 87-03-17s When a Stranger Comes (p)
B 87-03-18 Auel: Mammoth Hunters
M 87-03-18s Doing It (p)
M 87-03-18s Dynastud (p)
M 87-03-18s Oasis (p)
R 87-03-18 Pierre on Christopher St.
B 87-03-19 Calvino: Montovaldo
B 87-03-19 McInerney: Bright Lights, Big City
M 87-03-19s Black Workout (p)
M 87-03-19s Hurst So Good (p)
M 87-03-19s On Top (p)
E 87-03-20 IBM Gallery for Sepik River and Mexico
M 87-03-20* Frenchman's Flat
R 87-03-20 Coq Au Vin (New location, with Helen O'Shea)
B 87-03-21 Poe: Eureka and Others
E 87-03-21 Sherryl's March/Birthday/Spring party
M 87-03-21s Hard Men at Work (p)
M 87-03-21s Ivy Blues (p)
M 87-03-21s Student Bodies (p)
M 87-03-22s Desert Heat (p)
M 87-03-22s Naked Lunch (p)
M 87-03-22s Popular Mechanics (p)
B 87-03-23 Bradbury: Death Is a Lonely Business
M 87-03-23* Nutcracker: Money, Madness, and Murder (6 hrs)
M 87-03-23s Rivermen (p)
M 87-03-23s Stiff Sentence (p)
M 87-03-23s They Work Hard for Their Money (p)
R 87-03-23 Grand Canyon
B 87-03-24 Lem: Microworlds
M 87-03-24* Father's Little Dividend
M 87-03-24s Foreplay (p)
M 87-03-24s Growing Years (p)
M 87-03-25s Chicken Chronicles
M 87-03-25* Lifer
M 87-03-25* Lucas
B 87-03-26 Keuls: Reign of the Phallus
M 87-03-26* Better Class of Person, A (Osborne)
M 87-03-26* Rigoletto (English National Opera--NYC)
M 87-03-26* Sting: Hold Back the Night
M 87-03-26* Turtle Diary
O 87-03-26* Rigoletto (English National Opera--NYC)
B 87-03-27 Nabokov: Man from the USSR
I 87-03-27 Dr. Lemme at HIP
M 87-03-27* Ugly American
M 87-03-28* Ramtha tape-watching by 6 people
R 87-03-28 Park Plaza
D 87-03-29 Missouri Ballet
M 87-03-29* Mildred Pierce
M 87-03-29* Toxic Avenger
R 87-03-30 Claire's
B 87-03-31 Barth: The Friday Book
M 87-03-31* Electric Dreams
R 87-03-31 Fulton's
B 87-04-01 Calvino: If on a Winter's Night a Traveler
B 87-04-01 Cortazar: Hopscotch
M 87-04-01* Carmen (Baltsa)
O 87-04-01* Carmen (Baltsa)
I 87-04-02 AIDS test #1 on Wycoff
I 87-04-02 Dr. Lemme at HIP
M 87-04-02* Otello (Verona: TeKanawa, Atlantov)
M 87-04-02* Poltergeist II
O 87-04-02* Otello (Verona: TeKanawa, Atlantov)
B 87-04-03 Coover: Gerald's Party
R 87-04-03 Little Mushroom Cafe
M 87-04-04* Grand Illusion
B 87-04-05 Calvino: Cosmicomics
E 87-04-06 Life, Death, and Transition Kubler-Ross Workshop (thru 4/10)
I 87-04-10 Dr. Chin at HIP: stop antibiotics
E 87-04-11 Barbara Lea at Jan Wallman's
M 87-04-11s Captain Blood
E 87-04-12 Actualism Easter Gathering at Silverwood's house
E 87-04-13 Art Ostrin, 2:30 with Spartacus
E 87-04-13 Tracks for GMHC at 7PM
I 87-04-13 HIP time #4
I 87-04-13 Spike 11-2
M 87-04-13* Logan's Run (last 2/3)
B 87-04-14 Eckhart: Bill's Neister Eckhart excerpts
I 87-04-15 Buy $98 of books at Coliseum
P 87-04-15 Common Pursuit
P 87-04-15 Mikado
R 87-04-15 J.G.Melon
R 87-04-15 Quatorze
E 87-04-16 Uncle Charlie's for 2 hrs
R 87-04-16 One Fifth Steakhouse
I 87-04-17 AIDS test #1 results: NEGATIVE!
M 87-04-17* Ronde, La
M 87-04-18* Orpheus
M 87-04-18* Spellbound
E 87-04-19 Vicki's birthday party for Sherryl
M 87-04-19* Escape from Sobibor
M 87-04-19s Story of David
I 87-04-20 Dentist Mohajer
M 87-04-20* Jesus of Nazareth (Zeffirelli)
M 87-04-20* Story of a Marriage (Foote) (5.5 hrs)
B 87-04-21 Ouspensky: Letters from Russia
E 87-04-21 Central Park Lake-Row
M 87-04-21 Lost Years, The (of Christ)
R 87-04-21 Arcadia lunch
M 87-04-22* Drums
M 87-04-22* Giant
R 87-04-22 Cellar in the Sky with Joe
I 87-04-23 Dr. Chin at HIP
M 87-04-23* Late Great Planet Earth
M 87-04-23* Test Pilot
M 87-04-23s Two Worlds of Jennie Logan
R 87-04-23 Cafe 1886 (Court Street)
B 87-04-24 Fowles: A Maggot
B 87-04-24 Jerome: After Supper Ghost Stories
E 87-04-25 Brownstone Fair at Brooklyn Union Gas
R 87-04-25 Ali Baba Vietnamese
B 87-04-26 Marquez: Story of a Shipwrecked Sailor
E 87-04-26 World Future Conference
E 87-04-27 AIDS Benefit at Washington Irving High School
R 87-04-27 Union Square Cafe
I 87-04-28 HIP dietician
R 87-04-28 Moroccan Star
B 87-04-29 Calvino: T Zero
E 87-04-29 EFA meeting
R 87-04-29 Le Bilboquet
R 87-05-01 Cavaliere
B 87-05-02 Burroughs: Ah Pook Is Here
E 87-05-02 ASI all-day meeting
B 87-05-03 Burroughs: Queer
E 87-05-03 Tracks from 7 - 12
E 87-05-04 Wine-tasting at St. George
M 87-05-04 Colette (4-hr French)
R 87-05-04 Sugar Reef
I 87-05-05 Start entering "Acid House" for "AIDS House"
M 87-05-06* Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean
O 87-05-06 Rusalka
R 87-05-06 Kalinka
R 87-05-07 Culinary Institute of America
B 87-05-08 Bear: Blood Music
R 87-05-08 Ville de Saigon
M 87-05-09 Shoah (9.5 hrs)
E 87-05-10 Brooklyn Botanic Garden with Susan
M 87-05-10* Sea Hawk
R 87-05-10 Green Fields Cafe
M 87-05-11s Losin' It (p)
M 87-05-11s Seniors, The (p)
M 87-05-11s Teen Wolf (p)
M 87-05-12* Dialogues of the Carmelites (Met-English)
M 87-05-12* Sea Wolf
O 87-05-12* Dialogues of the Carmelites (Met-English)
R 87-05-12 Commissary
E 87-05-13 CBS Morning Show taping with Dennis
R 87-05-13 Bobby Rubino's
R 87-05-13 Sarabeth's Kitchen
M 87-05-14* Death of the Heart
M 87-05-14* Hands of a Stranger (rape)
M 87-05-14s Return to Macon County
M 87-05-14s Tarzan, The Ape Man (1959, Denny Miller)
M 87-05-14s Three Hundred [300] Spartans
M 87-05-14s V (10 hrs)
E 87-05-15 Matti Salminen in Moussorgsky Songs and Sibelius #2
M 87-05-15* History Is Made At Night
R 87-05-15 Cafe 43
M 87-05-16* Action in the North Atlantic
M 87-05-16* Catastrophe
M 87-05-16s Island Sons
R 87-05-17 Binghampton Ferry (NJ)
T 87-05-17 Secret Spot with Vicki outside New Paltz with nude gay bathing!
B 87-05-19 Walker: Broom of the System
R 87-05-19 Cafe Bonelle
M 87-05-20 Lethal Weapon
M 87-05-20 Outrageous Fortune
M 87-05-20* Seems Like Old Times
R 87-05-20 Sparks
E 87-05-21 Brighton Beach Boardwalk and Coney Island
M 87-05-21* Sweet Bird of Youth
R 87-05-21 Primorsky
E 87-05-22 Met Mus for Correggio/Carracci/Chinese Art/Modern Art Wing
M 87-05-22* Fountainhead
M 87-05-22* Quatermain's Terms
R 87-05-22 Slice of Life
M 87-05-23* Dr. Erhlich's Magic Bullet
M 87-05-23* Gal Young 'Un
E 87-05-24 Brooklyn Bridge Birthday Party Mid-Bridge 6PM
M 87-05-24* Blue Collar
M 87-05-24* Passant de Sans Souci, La
M 87-05-24* Poker Alice
R 87-05-24 Estela S
M 87-05-25* Santa Fe Trail
B 87-05-26 Bear: Infinity Concerto
E 87-05-26 Diamond Center/Cartier/Tiffany/Oak Bar at Plaza with ECB
R 87-05-26 Aurora lunch
M 87-05-27* Cracked Up
M 87-05-27* House of Blue Leaves
E 87-05-28 Central Park for cruising 5:45-8:15
E 87-05-28 MOMA for Liechtenstein
R 87-05-28 Finnegan's Wake
B 87-05-29 Bear: Beyond Heaven's River
B 87-05-29 Bear: Serpent Mage
R 87-05-29 Everest
E 87-05-31 Whomp with Sherryl on E 91st Street
M 87-05-31s Raise the Titanic
M 87-05-31* Tall Blond Man with One Black Shoe
R 87-05-31 Pig Heaven
I 87-06-01 Type 26 60-line pages, over 20,000 words today 9:30-6:30!
R 87-06-01 Hanada Japanese with Tom Manuel on blind date
I 87-06-02 Start entering Indexing Handbook
R 87-06-02 Fortune Garden
R 87-06-02 Promenade Restaurant
S 87-06-03 Joe Lara first sex in AGES!
B 87-06-04 Bear: Eon
R 87-06-04 Gramercy Park Bistro
R 87-06-04 Omonia dessert in Queens
R 87-06-04 Toumeli's Restaurant
E 87-06-05 NY Philharmonic for Ellinton/Gershwin
R 87-06-05 Cafe 57
S 87-06-05 George Spaw
E 87-06-06 Wine tasting at "Our Mutual Friend" Bookshop
B 87-06-07 Clarke: Songs of Distant Earth
I 87-06-08 Meet Jaap at 6:15 at "Atlas" and drink at Top of 666
M 87-06-08* Blue Window
M 87-06-08* Tower of London
E 87-06-09 Meditation sub-group with Dennis at Robert William's Place
M 87-06-09* Room with a View (Eagle)
P 87-06-09 Garden, The (Minetta Lane Theatre)
R 87-06-09 La Boheme
M 87-06-10* Tiger Shark
R 87-06-10 Arqua with blind-date Michael Weinberg
M 87-06-11 Gothic
M 87-06-11 Ishtar
M 87-06-11s Triangle Factory Fire Scandal
R 87-06-11 La Stanza with blind-date Bob Geiger
B 87-06-13 Heinlein: Cat Who Walks Through Walls
M 87-06-13s Bugsy Malone
M 87-06-14s Cheech and Chong's The Corsican Brothers
P 87-06-14 Lady L (Lysistrata)
R 87-06-14 Little Mushroom Cafe
M 87-06-15 Bigger Splash, A (Hockney)
M 87-06-15 Caravaggio
M 87-06-15* Heartbreaker
M 87-06-15* Waiting for the Moon (Stein/Toklas)
E 87-06-16 Wine-tasting at St. George
I 87-06-16 Rehearse slide-show with John Vinton
M 87-06-16* Fly, The (at Eagle)
P 87-06-16 Harry, Rosie, and Slim (Marj Mahle)
B 87-06-17 Sturgeon: Alien Cargo (read before)
D 87-06-17 Paris Ballet: Cinderella
R 87-06-18 Steak BBQ supper on Lake George
T 87-06-18 Silver Bay on Lake George/projectionist for John Vinton
E 87-06-19 Whiteface Mountain-top trip
T 87-06-19 St. Lawrence University Conference Center Boathouse with John
R 87-06-20 Potters lunch in Blue Mountain Lake
T 87-06-20 Adirondack Museum/Sagamore Grounds/Canoe into sunset
M 87-06-21 Untouchables
R 87-06-21 Amsterdam Mall lunch
T 87-06-21 Car stalls/Amsterdam Inn in Amsterdam, NY
T 87-06-22 Amsterdam NY rain and back to NYC by 8:15PM
E 87-06-23 Whitney Museum 1987 Bienalle
M 87-06-23* Blue Velvet (at Eagle)
R 87-06-23 Gardenia lunch with Don Maloof
R 87-06-23 Onini
D 87-06-24 NetherlandsBallet:Hart'sLbyrth/SilntCris/SixDancs/LEnfnt&Srtlgs
M 87-06-24 Foolish Wives
M 87-06-24 Queen Kelly
R 87-06-24 Le Bernardin with Tom Manuel
M 87-06-25 Angel Heart
M 87-06-25 Crocodile Dundee
M 87-06-25* Gloria
R 87-06-26 Shanghai Manor
M 87-06-27* Romeo and Juliet (Barrymore, Shearer)
E 87-06-28 Brooklyn Atlantic-Avenue Tunnel
M 87-06-28* Comedy of Errors (Karamazov Bros; Lincoln Ctr)
M 87-06-28* Phantom Lady
D 87-06-29 Ballet Gala at City Center
I 87-06-30 Help Sherryl install her Leading Edge computer
R 87-06-30 Lamarca with blind-date John Waldrop
R 87-06-30 Radishes
D 87-07-01 Metropolitan Opera Dance at 8PM
M 87-07-01* Five Star Final
R 87-07-01 Duomo
M 87-07-02s City Killer
M 87-07-02s East of Eden (8-hr Boxleitner)
M 87-07-02* Fast Walking (Woods)
M 87-07-02* Give My Regards to Broad Street
M 87-07-02s Snow Job (Killy)
M 87-07-02* Under the Rainbow
M 87-07-03* Gabriel Over the White House
M 87-07-03* Heart Like a Wheel
M 87-07-03* Mean Season
M 87-07-03* Spirits of the Dead
R 87-07-03 Dominick's in Bronx
M 87-07-04* It Happened One Night
R 87-07-04 Tripoli
M 87-07-05s Dove, The
R 87-07-06 Morning Star with blind-date Steve
B 87-07-07 Bradley: Best of Marion Zimmer Bradley (library)
D 87-07-08 BolshoiBallet: Romeo&JulietActI/4Divertissements/SpartacusActII
E 87-07-08* Oliver North on TV 2-3:30
R 87-07-08 Cafe 57
I 87-07-09 Buy microwave oven and push-button telephone
R 87-07-09 Dagon with Stephen (blind date?)
M 87-07-10* Fast Times at Ridgemont High
M 87-07-10* Niagara
R 87-07-11 Mexican Restaurant (New Paltz)
T 87-07-11 Secret Spot with Fran and Sherryl and Vicki and Ronny and RAIN
M 87-07-12* Blood on the Sun
M 87-07-12* Private Life of Henry VIII
E 87-07-13 Bronx Zoo pandas/babirusa/galartoMonkeys/seal/polarbear/giraffe
M 87-07-13* So Proudly We Hail
P 87-07-13 Musical Comedy Murders of 1940
M 87-07-14* To Be or Not To Be (Brooks)
R 87-07-14 Julius's for blind-date Ambi Mani
R 87-07-14 Metropole Cafe with Bob Geiger
M 87-07-15* Blasing Saddles
P 87-07-15 Coastal Disturbances
R 87-07-15 Au Tunnel
P 87-07-16 Nineteen Eighty Four [1984] at Joyce
R 87-07-16 Singha Thai Restaurant
T 87-07-17 Hilton-Tarrytown Inn for dinner
E 87-07-18 Gaiety Burlesque 9PM - 3AM!
M 87-07-19* Hard to Handle (E.G.Robinson)
M 87-07-19* House of Fear (Sherlock Holmes)
M 87-07-19* Outsiders
M 87-07-19* Searchers
I 87-07-20 Dentist Mohajer
M 87-07-20* Labyrinth
M 87-07-20* Ruthless People
M 87-07-21* Morning After, The
M 87-07-21* Streets of Gold
M 87-07-22* Hannah and Her Sisters
M 87-07-22* Mona Lisa
R 87-07-22 World Yacht Cruise Dinner with Mary
E 87-07-23 Elizabeth Kubler-Ross group
M 87-07-23* Heartbreak Ridge
M 87-07-23* Sid and Nancy
R 87-07-23 American Pie
M 87-07-24* Airplane II
M 87-07-24* From Beyond
M 87-07-24* Name of the Rose
M 87-07-25s Heroes (p)
M 87-07-25s Hunk (p)
M 87-07-25s Two Handsfull (p)
R 87-07-25 Anatolia
M 87-07-26* AIDS program (5 hr - Ch 9)
M 87-07-26s Heat Goes On (p)
M 87-07-26s Physical Education (p)
M 87-07-26s Spring Semester (p)
B 87-07-27 Ouspensky: A Further Record
M 87-07-27s Damnation Alley
M 87-07-27* Extremities
M 87-07-28* Children of a Lesser God
M 87-07-28* Color Purple
M 87-07-28* One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
R 87-07-28 Heights Sea Grill
M 87-07-29* Breathless (Gere)
M 87-07-29* Highlander
M 87-07-29* She's Gotta Have It
P 87-07-29 Starlight Express
E 87-07-30 O'Johnny's (jazz?)
M 87-07-30* Color of Money
R 87-07-30 Petrossian
B 87-07-31 Holderlin: Hymns and Fragments
M 87-07-31s Hot Jobs (p)
M 87-07-31* Wild Rides
R 87-07-31 Grumman Airfield Restaurant
T 87-08-01 George Spaw to Fire Island and Beach
T 87-08-02 George Spaw/miss whale-boat/wander Montauk/my train kills guy
M 87-08-03* Pack of Lies
M 87-08-03s Spirit, The
R 87-08-03 Heights Sea Grill
M 87-08-04s Close Encounters of the Third KInd
M 87-08-04* Raiders of the Lost Ark
R 87-08-05 Applebaum's Deli lunch
R 87-08-05 Fiorello's
B 87-08-06 Barron: Anthropic Cosmologic Principle
M 87-08-06s Hawk the Slayer
M 87-08-06* Shadow of a Doubt
B 87-08-07 Morris: Time's Arrows
I 87-08-07 Overnight at Bernices/ play Trinity on cute Jay's computer
R 87-08-07 Diane's
E 87-08-08 Actualism Croton Point Park Picnic
M 87-08-08* Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
M 87-08-09s Gun, The
M 87-08-09* Master of Ballyntrae (Dalton)
I 87-08-10 Dr. Lemme at HIP
B 87-08-12 Purdy: On Glory's Course
R 87-08-14 La Petite Auberge (Cresskill)
M 87-08-16* Harold and Maude
I 87-08-17 Dr. Lemme for Hydroxyzine for eczema?
M 87-08-17* Childstealers
M 87-08-17s Gymkata
M 87-08-17* Myra Breckenridge
M 87-08-18* Howard the Duck
I 87-08-19 HIP for Eye exam
R 87-08-20 Chez Josephine
B 87-08-21 Coover: Spanking the Maid
E 87-08-21 Central Park Tree Tour with Joyce Alaya
B 87-08-22 Gilbert: Holocaust
M 87-08-24* Man Who Fell to Earth
I 87-08-25 Dr. Lemme for betamethasone
M 87-08-25s California Hunk
M 87-08-25* Marlene
M 87-08-25* Radio Days
I 87-08-26 Dr. Gewirtz at HIP for poison ivy
M 87-08-26* Autumn Sonata (Bergman)
M 87-08-26s Away All Boats
I 87-08-27 Flood of water into light-fixture 11:30-12:15AM
M 87-08-27* Westerner
E 87-08-29 Central Park Tree Tour with Bob Geiger and Joyce Alaya
R 87-08-29 Gotham Bar and Grill dinner with Sherryl and ECB
E 87-08-30 Central Park picnic with Dorothy Hunter's group
E 87-08-30 Conservatory Gardens in Central Park with Joyce
M 87-08-31s Alien Factor
M 87-08-31* Kim (Peter O'Toole)
M 87-08-31* Legal Eagles
M 87-08-31* Never-Never Land
M 87-08-31* To Catch a Thief
R 87-08-31 Heights Sea Grill
M 87-09-01* Human Feelings
M 87-09-01* Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane
M 87-09-01* Little Shop of Horrors (Moranis)
M 87-09-01* On Her Majesty's Secret Service
B 87-09-02 Yourcenar: Memoirs of Hadrian
M 87-09-02* Mysteries (Hauer)
M 87-09-02* Wanted Dead or Alive (Hauer)
R 87-09-04 Loeb Boathouse in Central Park lunch
M 87-09-07* Mouse on the Moon
M 87-09-08s Making of a Male Model (Jon-Erik Hexum)
M 87-09-08* Three Musketeers (Turner, Kelly)
R 87-09-08 Spirit of New York dinner with MV and ECB
B 87-09-09 Dinesen: On Modern Marriage
I 87-09-09 Dr. Gewirtz at HIP
M 87-09-09* Life of Emile Zola
R 87-09-11 Joe's Diner (Stockbridge)
T 87-09-11 Joan Pankosky to Becket/Barrington/Lee/Lenox/Stockbridge
R 87-09-12 Landway (Stockbridge)
T 87-09-12 Rudd Pond in Becket
T 87-09-13 Train back from Becket with Michael
B 87-09-15 McInerny: Noonday Devil
R 87-09-15 Florent
E 87-09-17 Museum of Natural History 6:30-11:30 (lecture?)
R 87-09-17 Le Quercy
R 87-09-17 Rafaelle's pizza
M 87-09-20* Charge of the Light Brigade (Flynn)
M 87-09-20s Dream House
M 87-09-20* Pursuit of D.B.Cooper
M 87-09-21s History Is Made At Night
M 87-09-21* Last Child, The
E 87-09-22 Intro course here:Marilyn/Judith/Joel/Sherryl/BobK/JoeE; BL+BZ
R 87-09-22 Park Plaza
E 87-09-23 Hockey Game (Islanders versus Rangers?)
M 87-09-23* Mannequin
R 87-09-23 Cucina Stagionale
M 87-09-24s Wind in the Willows (1983-Anim)
R 87-09-24 Kevin's Corner with Mom
M 87-09-25* Three on a Match
P 87-09-25 Roza
R 87-09-25 Nirvana on 42nd St.
E 87-09-26 Marilyn Clement's for Vicki's Party for Ronnie's birthday
R 87-09-27 Raffaele's
E 87-09-28 Dalai Lama at First Presbyterian
M 87-09-28s Son of Frankenstein
M 87-09-28* Stranger's Return
M 87-09-28s Once a Hero
R 87-09-28 Fon Yuen
E 87-09-29 Intro course here:Marilyn/Judith/Joel/Sherryl/JoeE; BL+BZ
E 87-09-30 Central Park Tree Tour with Erik and Joyce
R 87-09-30 Famous Dairy on 72nd
R 87-10-01 Erminia
E 87-10-02 Whitney Museum exhibits
R 87-10-02 Two Guys
E 87-10-03 Alice's birthday party at Sherryl's
E 87-10-03 Improvisation with Don, Sherryl, Alice, Dennis
M 87-10-04 Cry Havoc
M 87-10-04* Heimat (2 hrs)
M 87-10-04 Mummy
E 87-10-05 Kitaro at Radio City
R 87-10-05 Palio downstairs snack
B 87-10-06 Janowitz: Slaves of New York
E 87-10-06 Intro course here:Marilyn/Judith/Joel/Sherryl/JoeE; BL+BZ
R 87-10-06 Bouley
P 87-10-08 Burn This
O 87-10-09 Rheingold
E 87-10-10 Rotterdam Philharmonic at BCBC
O 87-10-10 Manon
D 87-10-11 MarthaGraham(TemptatOfMoon/ErrndInMaze/TangledNight/RitOfSpring
R 87-10-11 Union Square Cafe
M 87-10-12* Alice in Wonderland (1951)
M 87-10-12* Lily Tomlin
M 87-10-12* Osterman Weekend
E 87-10-13 Intro course here:Marilyn/Judith/Joel/Sherryl/JoeE; BL+BZ
M 87-10-13* Anzacs
M 87-10-13* Moby Dick
M 87-10-13* White Heat
M 87-10-14s Captain Sinbad
M 87-10-14* Ordeal by Innocence
M 87-10-14* Phone Call from a Stranger
M 87-10-14* Scorned and Swindled
M 87-10-14* Zauberflote (NYC Opera)
O 87-10-14* Magic Flute (NYC Opera)
B 87-10-15 Monroe: Far Journeys
E 87-10-15 Strawberry Fields with Erik and Joyce
M 87-10-15* Journey of Natty Gann
R 87-10-15 Brazil 2000
E 87-10-16 Central Park Tree Trails with Joyce
E 87-10-16 Met Mus for Caravaggio "find" and Zubaran
R 87-10-16 Hulot's
D 87-10-17 BalletDuNord(Concerto/LesNuitsD'Ete/CapriccioForPiano&Orc/LaMer
M 87-10-17* Catherine the Great
M 87-10-17s Fighter, The
E 87-10-18 Sherryl's party for Steve and Liliana and Vicki
M 87-10-19* Big Lift
M 87-10-19* Canterville Ghost (Gielgud)
M 87-10-19* Right to Die (Welch)
M 87-10-19* Sleeper
E 87-10-20 Whitney Museum for Demuth with Joe/Calder's Circus
R 87-10-20 Keh's Antie Yuan
D 87-10-21 Dennis Wayne Dancers
M 87-10-21s Background to Danger
M 87-10-22* Danger (4 hrs)
M 87-10-23* Heimat (4.5 hrs)
M 87-10-23* How to Marry a Millionaire
M 87-10-23* Ten Days That Shook the World (80 min,Welles)
R 87-10-24 Bronx Chuchifritos with Vicki
R 87-10-24 Woodstock Pub (Woodstock, NY)
T 87-10-24 Woodstock withVicki/NYMagazine tours 2&3/Loew's ParadiseInBronx
M 87-10-25* Heimat (2 hrs)
R 87-10-25 Dim Sum for Vicki's birthday
M 87-10-26 Made in Heaven
M 87-10-28* Purple Plain
R 87-10-28 Bourock
R 87-10-29 Tamu with Joe
B 87-10-30 Percy: Lancelot
B 87-10-31 Neubauer: Beneath Bare Cherry Trees (haiku)
E 87-10-31 Halloween Parade in Village with Joe
M 87-11-01s Aida (Houston Opera)
O 87-11-01s Aida (Houston Opera)
R 87-11-01 Yiddische Mama lunch
R 87-11-02 Harbor Inn (Cold Spring NY)
T 87-11-02 Cold Spring NY with Joyce
E 87-11-03 Central Park tour with Maya and Joyce; look at Irvington House
R 87-11-03 Dock's
M 87-11-04* Shaka Zulu (6 hrs)
R 87-11-04 Dawat
D 87-11-05 Joffrey Ballet: at CC
M 87-11-05s Gunfighters
R 87-11-05 Chapiteau
M 87-11-06 Jetee, La
M 87-11-06 Solaris
M 87-11-06* View to a Kill, A
R 87-11-06 Promenade
R 87-11-07 Maria's on Emmons Blvd
R 87-11-07 Rose Restaurant (Lancaster) lunch
R 87-11-07 Zinn's Breakfast (Penna)
T 87-11-07 York, Penna, with Joe for Antique Show/LandisValleyAntique Show
E 87-11-08 Wave Hill/Sunnyside/Philipse Manor
R 87-11-08 Callahan's Pub lunch in Tarrytown
M 87-11-09* Apocalypse Now
E 87-11-10 Roosevelt Island Water-Tunnel-Digging Tour with Spartacus
P 87-11-10 Chorus Line with Vicki through Star
R 87-11-10 Beggar's Banquet
R 87-11-10 China Chili
M 87-11-11* Billionaire Boys Club
M 87-11-11* Sgt. Pepper: Twenty Years Ago
R 87-11-11 Gibson
B 87-11-12 Updike: Roger's Version
O 87-11-12 Oca del Cairo, L'
R 87-11-12 Claire's thanks to Dave Aaronson
E 87-11-13 National Academy of Design for Hodler Exhibit/ walk CP
M 87-11-13* Edwin
R 87-11-13 Prunelle lunch
B 87-11-14 Halliburton: Book of Marvels
B 87-11-14 Luria: Mind of a Mnemonist
E 87-11-14 Roger Woolger's Seminar: Other Lives, Other Selves; Omega
R 87-11-14 Blimpies lunch
R 87-11-14 Grand Canyon
M 87-11-15* Intimate Contact (HBO)
M 87-11-15s Krull
R 87-11-15 Kevin's Corner
B 87-11-16 Bear: Strength of Stones
B 87-11-16 Sheckley: Victim Prime
I 87-11-16 Dentist Mohajer
R 87-11-16 Krakatoa
E 87-11-17 Wine-tasting at gym
M 87-11-17* Breakfast Club
M 87-11-17* Dolce Vita, La
M 87-11-17* Poor Little Rich Girl
R 87-11-18 Brive
I 87-11-19 Help install Spartacus's Leading Edge Computer
M 87-11-20* Buster Keaton: A Hard Act to Follow
R 87-11-20 Laila with blind-date Bob Cookingham
M 87-11-21* Libeled Lady
O 87-11-21 Boheme, La
E 87-11-22 Elliot Linzer's wedding in Astoria with Vicki/meet Robin King
M 87-11-22* Empire Strikes Back
M 87-11-22* Heimat (end of 16 hrs)
R 87-11-22 Old Hungary
R 87-11-23 Parador
B 87-11-24 Traven: The Death Ship
E 87-11-24 Zen program at City Center
M 87-11-25* Golden Child
E 87-11-26 Dennis's for Thanksgiving with Cathy O'Shea and more
M 87-11-26* Betty Blue
M 87-11-27* Random Harvest
R 87-11-27 Henry's End
E 87-11-28 The Bar with Alice (4th St & 2nd Ave)
I 87-11-28 Look at "work", something in Lower East Side
R 87-11-28 Normal
E 87-11-29 Bronx Zoo with Vicki
M 87-11-29* Agatha Christie's Murder in Three Acts
M 87-11-29s Police Academy (2nd?)
M 87-11-29* Privilege
R 87-11-29 Anna's Harbor Restaurant on City Island
M 87-11-30s Tarzan and the Great River
E 87-12-01 Reiki Introduction
R 87-12-01 Company
R 87-12-02 Festival with Joe
E 87-12-03 Limelight (Disco) with Sherryl
R 87-12-03 The View atop Marriott
M 87-12-04* Night Mother ['Night Mother] (not end)
M 87-12-04* Peggy Sue Got Married
R 87-12-05 St. George gym-dinner
D 87-12-06 Alvin Ailey Bad Blood/ Survivors/ Caverna Magica
E 87-12-06 Brooklyn Post Office tour
R 87-12-06 Henry's End
M 87-12-07* Northanger Abbey
M 87-12-07* Passions
R 87-12-07 Stephanie's (1st and 55th)
M 87-12-08* Brideshead Revisited
R 87-12-08 Top of Sixes with Vicki
B 87-12-09 Golding: Brass Butterfly
E 87-12-09 Brooklyn Heights COP training
M 87-12-09 Empire of the Sun
R 87-12-10 Harrald's upstate with Joan Pankosky
B 87-12-11 Purdy: Narrow Rooms
R 87-12-11 Al Buon Gusto
T 87-12-11 Joan Pankosky's for a day
E 87-12-12 QueensTour:BowneChurch/BowneHouse/KingslandHse/FriendsMeetngHse
M 87-12-12* Blondie of the Follies
M 87-12-12s Flight to Holocaust
E 87-12-13 CommunityDinnerhere:Steve/Liliana/Kevin/Susan/Joe/DS/Shryl/Viki
M 87-12-13s Amadeus
M 87-12-13* Guardsman
R 87-12-14 Federico's Trattoria
R 87-12-15 La Parisianne: Greek Restaurant
R 87-12-16 Aquavit
I 87-12-18 Work on Omni puzzle 9 hours
E 87-12-19 Ethyl Eichelberger's "Medea" at Dixon Place
R 87-12-19 Charmant for Actualism Christmas party
R 87-12-19 Everybody's
M 87-12-20s Beat Street
I 87-12-21 Maya for "her" checkup
R 87-12-21 Allora
E 87-12-23 AIDS meeting with Pope at Unitarian Church
E 87-12-24 Party with Vicki
E 87-12-24 Unitarian Candlelight Service 5-6
E 87-12-25 Sherryl's with Bob and Alice and Vicki
E 87-12-26 Ann and Nat's Open House
E 87-12-26 Cookingham party
M 87-12-26* Lost Years of Jesus (seen before: Lost Years, The (of Christ))
O 87-12-26 Turandot
M 87-12-27* Room, The (Pinter)
I 87-12-28 Promenade insnow 11:45-12:15/Danny's 12:20-2:10AM:it's CLOSING!
M 87-12-28* Creole Gisella (Dance Theatre of Harlem)
R 87-12-28 Cellar in the Sky with Don Maloof
I 87-12-29 Sanctuary at 6PM (dance place)
M 87-12-29* Thin Man, The
R 87-12-29 Anatolia
E 87-12-30 Raphael Drawings at Morgan Library
M 87-12-30* After the Thin Man
M 87-12-30* Shadow of the Thin Man
R 87-12-30 Afghan Kebob House
M 87-12-31* From 7-Up to 28-Up
R 87-12-31 Chiang Mai