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2009 5 of 7

WEDNESDAY, 7/15/09: Pee at 7:16AM and up at 8:40. Do Spider 9:40-10:30 to 50.71105 at 267 up after 2 wins. Call Marj at exactly 11AM and talk to 12:20, begging to get off the phone because I'm starved for lunch. Had gotten most of the slide program ready last night, fill in a bit of Spider from 12:20-12:30, leaving the end for tonight, and take off at 12:40 for 55 Pierrepont, finding more people there than usual, scheduling the St. Petersburg show for September 16, finding from Leon that there's no room on the senior bus for the Prospect Park concert tonight, though he suggests I just get there on my own and join the HAI-Jubilee group on the left side of the bandshell before the 8PM concert. The show is short, Mexico slides filling less than two full boxes, and then the 20 Alaska/Tikal slides ending at 2:20 when I started about 1:20. Fred says to say hello to Charles, but I don't know if he'll be there for the September show. Finish the commentary on "The Furies" sometime today, but when I try to sign off later tonight, I find they can't refund for the end of July, for which I paid on 7/6, so I'm cheating myself of a few dollars' value, which I try to ignore. Decide not to see if there's room in the bus leaving from 55 Pierrepont at 6:15, and leave at 7PM to get to Prospect Park at 7:40 to go to the left side of the temporary tent, not the Band Shell at all, and find that the HAI group is on the OTHER side. Get there about 7:50 to find Elsie just wheeling in the gate, saying that the bus was greatly delayed and hassled about parking on the lawn just outside the HAI area. Announcements are annoying, the printed program is very elaborate, and the Jupiter Symphony is just smashing, even though some ugly HAI rep behind me keeps talking loudly to his girl friend through the whole piece. Move more toward the center for even brighter amplification of the music for the Beethoven Seventh, gloriously done, and some Mendelsohn as a phone-vote encore. Then the fireworks start from behind the tent, really quite low, and I walk almost to the perimeter of the firing area for a WONDERFUL view of the fireworks, though it's only for ten minutes! Into the back of the bus, waiting ages while two enormously fat women are brought up the wheelchair incline at the rear door (reminding me of the HUGE number of HUGE patients for Dr. Okoh on Monday---MANY MORE than HALF his patients truly OBESE!), one of whom is smiling and cheerful, the other's face scrunched in enormous pain until she relaxes in her seat and then reminds me of Aunt Jemima. The bus almost takes down a phone pole on pulling out, gets momentarily stuck in a gutter's edge, then goes way south to the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel entrance before going north on the BQE, which I didn't think permitted busses, to Hicks Street. I get off at Pierrepont, thanking Elsie for a delicious plum, and walk home much before the bus would get to 200 Cadman Plaza, wherever that is. Have dinner while watching 700-series TV, and then finish up Spider from 12-1:45AM to 50.71592 at 269 up after 5 wins. Bed at 1:50AM Thursday, without ambien.

THURSDAY, 7/16/09: Up to take Valium at 9:30, getting to the desk at 9:45AM JUST as Piri calls about the Games Group on Sunday, saying "a guy and his friend" called as new members. Back to bed, feeling horny, and up at 10:55 to start j/o to 12:10PM, again hungry for a late breakfast, preparation for the time change to England be damned! Tune in for the end of "Gerry" on IFC, a weird "existential" Gus Van Sant movie about Casey Affleck and Matt Damon (and I had to look up HIS name, adding to my ALZ list!). Then get hooked into the brilliant color and clarity of the HDTV view of "Moulin Rouge" and watch the start of THAT until just after 1PM, when Mildred phones, and I say I have to call her back "because I'm ready to start breakfast." And then I start breakfast and call her back and do Spider to an UGH 50.70752 at 266 up after 2 wins from 1:30-3:10. Then watch "La Rondine" until "Gerry" starts again at 4:30, and the start is just as slow as the end, and it makes NO sense, except that Gerry survives (Damon) and the I-think-unnamed Affleck character doesn't. Have lunch while watching the end of "La Rondine," which finishes in time to do some chores and watch a GREAT HD Channel 713 "La Sonnambula," even better on the close-up screen than sitting in the Metropolitan Opera House---though not quite as physically involving---[and DAMMIT just finish printing the previous page when I find that "some chores" three lines up was actually SPIDER from 7:15-9PM---while I taped the Rowling interview on Channel 4 from 8-9PM, and THEN watched "La Sonnambula"]---until 11:20, having dinner, digesting while watching the end of the opera, take an ambien at 11:27PM and get to bed at 11:39, putting the FAN on because it's still 77 out after a VERY muggy day!

FRIDAY, 7/17/09: Pee at 6AM and up at 8:49, finally putting the j/o stuff away from Thursday morning and my jacket and program away from Wednesday evening, and have breakfast at 9:30AM, hoping the TV guys don't show up until I finish, and then I get to catching up with this journal, finishing up last night's Spider from 10-10:20 to 50.71231 at 268 up after 2 wins, and printing old pages, and typing through part of Thursday when the TV guys are in at 11:50, then they go downstairs to measure EXACTLY where the plate is they have to cut through my cabinet-back to reach to solve the internal-roof-TV-antenna problem, and they're back up 12-12:25PM while I reduce my stack of programs and request they don't put so much pressure on the cabinet doors. They pull the old wire from the bedroom, and when they finish they say I can put my books back and they'll never bother me again. I go to the gym, ALMOST feeling good enough to exercise but resist the temptation, and get back to a call from Marj about how to REPLACE in Word, taking an age since it turns out she ARROWS back to the start of the fields rather than BACKSPACING: all the problems are solved when I correct THAT mis-pre-apprehension. THEN I feel exhausted. Nothing better to do, rather than lie down, I return to Spider from 4:35-5:50, OK to 50.71462 to 269 up after 2 wins, can't resist continuing to a GREAT 50.71701 at 272 up after 4 wins, tied with the highest "up," so I continue to 8PM to a BEST? 50.72748 at 274 up, the HIGHEST "up," after 3 wins, and, tempting fate (by falling HIDEOUSLY lower), continue to 8:55PM to 50.72994 (still below the highest score of 50.73744 of 6/28) at 275 up after another 3 wins. Decide NOT to tempt any more. Watch assorted TV while having dinner, and a snack, and bed at 11:25PM with another ambien, not wanting to tempt fate THERE for a sleepless evening.

SATURDAY, 7/18/09: Pee at 5:49AM and up at 8:16AM, still vaguely tired, but happy with what's probably just over 8 hours' sleep. Have breakfast at 9AM to start on my Britain-time schedule, then at 9:45 check that my CHOICE Visa still has a credit---nothing more's been billed to it, so I don't have to worry about not paying while I'm away. Then decide to tackle the American Airlines frequent-flyer miles AGAIN, finding they STILL haven't credited me for my RETURN from Delhi to NYC, for which they want a FAX of my boarding passes sent to 817-963-7882, which I actually DO by 10:10AM, feeling justifiably VERY righteous! Then get to the Schwab Visa bill, which goes easily through the more than 30 items---and maybe the Beard has only billed me ONE $75 for the Gay Buffet!---by 10:40AM. Spartacus calls and we find there IS no pop-up blocker on "Settings" on our remotes, we CAN'T switch from Channel 1 to any other channel for start-up purposes, and we CAN'T program for different channels with our current box. WHAT A PAIN! Ken calls to INSIST that the taxi comes for him on Monday at 6PM, and Spartacus checks American Airlines' website to find that our flight gets to Manchester at 10:10AM after a 7.5 hour flight---due to devious flying to avoid London airspace, Spartacus surmises, keeping me on the phone to 12:10PM, which I fear is too late to get to Len at 1PM at the Met Museum. Impatient with the wheelchair that delays the bus at CPW, but get to Len at 1:03PM, HE tells me of Michelangelo's First Painting, which we see 1:15-1:25, look at De Hooch and Vermeer, then way around to Ming Dynasty which he wants to see porcelain from until 2:10, when my stomach demands lunch, a cold cheeseburger, lots of fries with ketchup, and a wonderful brownie for $16.53! That takes to 3:15, then around to an exhaustive Fashion Models to 4:30, and a marvelous Afghanistan treasury to 6:05! We agree to return between MY return on August 10 and some exhibits' end on August 23. I bus and subway back, call Rita who called about my health, and get to Spider for the day from 7:30-9:05, ending with THE ALL-TIME HIGHEST of 50.73763 at 278 up after 4 wins. TRIUMPH! Then continue to fill in the journal, printing many pages, to FINALLY catch up now at 10PM, ready for dinner and bed AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! Had THOUGHT to take a valium this morning, but didn't, and barely thought of the upcoming trip all day! Great! I hope!! Take an ambien with night pills at 11:15PM and get to bed at 11:23, only to get up to check with WHOM I traveled on former trips, and get back to bed at 11:41PM, not doing much good in getting to British time.

SUNDAY, 7/19/09: Type dream at 4:11 and another to 7:30AM. 7:44AM: Shit, get the Times, and take a valium. Paul McLean calls 8:38-9:15AM, complaining about Paul C. visiting, and Paul says he'll give me the number of a good friend in Wales if I call him when he's in DC later this week. I have breakfast and go through much of the Times, saving the magazine for reading on the subway to Piri's for the Games Group. Take CDs to Spartacus and leave early at 1:10PM for Piri's, getting to her corner at 1:55 and deciding to have a slice of pizza from Gotham Pizza so I won't have so much junk at her place---which I have anyway. We're TEN, having to divide into two groups: Barbara and her one-armed sister Lucy, from Nairobi, and Piri and Caesar and me on Boggle, the new-member lovers Gus and Nick, awful Louise and I-forget-her-name and Mark playing Quiddler until we divide into those two teams for Trivial Pursuit, in which I put our team unbeatably ahead by EXTRAORDINARILY calling correct dice rolls to get all six wedges before they even get ONE. We do win, but they managed to catch up with five wedges. Leave after 6PM with Piri's toilet constantly flushing, and chat with Gus and Nick on my way back to the subway, getting home after 7PM and feeling unaccountably TIRED, so I lie down at 7:30 and get up at 8:10 to call John to verify his watering my plants on three Sundays, then Bill Petersen to pick up six copies of my New York Times, and sort through the stuff on my travel shelf for the trip: primarily crossword puzzles, including the multi-part full-page marathon puzzle from Sunday's Times. Have dinner while watching the tape I recorded last night, and set up recordings for the trip. At 10:45PM I take my night pills and an ambien, wondering if many days' ambiens aren't in some way responsible for my feeling so TIRED. Bed at 10:49PM.

MONDAY, 7/20/09: Pee at 5:28AM and take a valium, glad that I got to sleep quickly last night. Up at 8:26AM and into my last day before my penultimate planned trip! Wonder how long it's been since I've had such a long time between trips, and go back to my calendars starting in 2000 and find my frequent travel really IS recent: back in 2001 it was 215 days before Turkey, 130 days before Costa Rica in 2002, 144 days before the CanadaCruise in 2002, 181 days before Switzerland in 2003, 128 days before FlaPaul in 2003, 115 days before Rome in 2004, 238 days before Ireland in 2005, 178 days before Caribcruise in 2006, and 133 days before the Baltics in 2007, so this 84 days before Wales in 2009 was ONLY the longest since August 2007. That takes me to 9:55, when I have breakfast. Then Ken calls to make sure the Xplore Wales charges of about 1500 pounds each are made to my SCHWAB foreign-transaction-free Visa card, which I check that they are, since the first Wales was billed in March, but then he mentions the e-mail about checking in today! I say I have NO papers on my flight! I have a Schwab charge for them, so I phone Delta, and while waiting for a representative check my e-mail, and there's the check-in e-mail from Delta, which Ken reminds me can ONLY be done on the day of the flight! Verify that my miles ARE registered to my frequent-flyer account, that liquids STILL have to be in a baggie, and Ken says he takes an EMPTY water bottle which he fills when he gets to the final waiting area. Print out my boarding pass, making sure that 40A is quite a ways behind the wing, at 10:45. Then phone Schwab to find there's nothing yet to be done for General Motors, and that I can convert TWO of my called bonds but have to wait for my return for the third. That takes to 11:15, when I call Marj to 11:40 to bitch about everything. Move piles around, gratified that I'm only leaving FIVE on my table: Website words, slides, videos, and CDs; and Schwab. Had cursorily cleaned up the living room as much as it will be, and have started putting items on the table for packing. Print a last journal page and finish this at 12:15PM, having only lunch, the gym, and packing left to do! 4:05PM: Ken called about coins that might be OK in Britain; had lunch and washed dishes, putting a few items into the freezer, including the milk from breakfast; sorted through stuff to take, and JUST re-checked the temperatures predicted for Manchester, and maybe I should add a FLANNEL shirt for the 47 predicted for tomorrow night! Won't have much luggage anyway. Get to the gym and just feel so TIRED! At 4PM think to myself that it FEELS like it should be 9PM, and I should be going to bed in a few hours. Now to brush my teeth and finish packing. Decide to add a flannel shirt, and then when Ken calls at 6:07PM to say they're coming for ME first and THEN him (MAYBE they thought his address was ALSO in Brooklyn?), so I call Comfort and cancel the car, change from a North Face warm shirt to an old short-sleeved shirt, weigh the black bag at 22 pounds and the shoulder bag at 10 pounds, and type this at 6:18 and decide to go downstairs and wait for the taxi that Ken's getting for himself. TRAVEL:BRITWALE

TUESDAY, 8/11/09: Pee at 5:04AM, and TRY to j/o to 6:08, but at 6:32AM take valium and ambien. Wake at 9:57AM, hardly believing the time, and sit on the john and pee and type what little I can remember of the drunken, bidi-influenced dream I'd had. Feel quite woozy, though I've had well over eight-hours' sleep; it's definitely time to get into the day, with lots of yesterday and this morning still unrecorded, here on the Neo, for lack of anything better. I'd decided to keep a LIST of things done during each of the following days, detailing the tasks undertaken to "return" from the trip: 1) breakfast to 10:28; 2) leave word with Mildred to 10:28 WCB; 3) Carolyn to 10:29 LW; 4) Rita 10:30-10:31, but she's playing bridge and WCB; 5) Arnold 10:32 LW; 6) talk to Steve to 10:44; 7) talk to Mildred to 11:03; 8) talk to Marj to 11:42; 9) LW with Charles in the city at 11:43 and on the island at 11:44; 10) check HH meals to 11:45 (they've MADE UP what I'm getting this afternoon); 11) call Len 11:47 and LW about museum Thursday/Friday?; 12) Choice Visa to 11:54, who are very nice, cancel my late charges, and will cancel any future interest on late charges; 13) do New York magazine puzzles at SOME time; 14) Schwab credit card 11:55-12:23; 15) tell Ken I'm relieved at 12:24-12:25; 16) Arnold still isn't answering at 12:25; 17) talk to Charles 12:50-2:04; 18) have lunch of Spam 2:05-2:40; 19) talk to Rita 3-4:10; 20) talk to Spartacus 5:15-5:55; 21) finish TV Guide sudokus to 7:10; 22) start "tasks done" list to 7:30; 23) fill pill box to 8:30; 24) dinner of egg foo yung to 8:55 while watching the start of "Sylvia," about Sylvia Plath, but my eyes close and I get to bed at 10:22PM.

WEDNESDAY, 8/12/09: 4:20AM: Pee and type dream. Put Spectaconazole on thumb because it feels slightly inflamed. At 5AM j/o to 5:55. At 6:15 take ambien and valium. Breakfast of oatmeal and lunch of Spam some time. Read Times. About 3:30PM decide to start inputting the Neo files into WP51, but I get the connection under the computer and it just doesn't work! WHY!? It certainly worked on the LAST trip! Finally I decide that Verizon must have made some changes in my system that stops input from this source, so I phone Verizon at 4PM, describe my problem, and she decides that it has to be a problem with my Neo, mentioning "the wire in the box with my Neo," which doesn't ring a bell until later. I get so involved in this that I write myself a note reminding me I have to see Sharon at 4:45, recording Neo's number at 800-338-4204, with a "transfer number" of 7986049 when I call back after I say I MUST get off the phone for an appointment. Talk to Sharon from 4:45-5:30 exactly, tear through the boxes behind the sofa to try to find the box the Neo came in, but CAN'T FIND IT! Decide to look through the stack of stuff on top of my filing cabinet in the bedroom, where I keep my old AlphaSmart, and THERE is the CABLE that I hook into the COMPUTER and the NEO to transfer the FILES! IDIOT!! Have the last of the egg foo yung for dinner. At 8:47PM start transferring file 1, getting into bed with a Times magazine puzzle to pass the time, and after a page the screen goes BLACK! Go to the computer to find that Verizon must have interrupted the WP51 program, because it's relegated to the bar at the bottom of the screen. Hit it and it CONTINUES to transfer the file (causing a problem that I find only later!). Continue with files 2 and 5 and 6, but get very tired. Bed at 10:25PM.

SHARON B. 105 8/12/09

Get there late enough so she just calls me into her office as I come into the reception area. Collapse into the chair and say it was a VERY strenuous trip: I thought the one BEFORE would be the last hard one, but this, in its own way, was just as hard: I really have to admit that I'm getting older and can't walk as long or as energetically as I have in the past. Complained about back problems, hip problems, knee problems, and, for the last two days, "outsole" problems for which I have to make an appointment with a podiatrist to check out. Not to mention losing a bit of a filling. Told her about all the things I had to put up with Ken, just to benefit from his meticulous planning. Described the mostly poor food, assuaged by two great meals. Complimented the guides and the travel partners, but was still happy to be rid of them and back in my own home, now waiting for a week taken up by Edgardo's visit. Described my descent into Alzheimer's by forgetting things, not remembering names, losing my Schwab credit card, and even neglecting to bring my wallet with me so that I could stop at the grocery store on the way back home today! Tried to catch up with jet-lag quickly, but I'm still exhausted; of course she says it was a strenuous trip, lots of moving and doing, so I had every reason to be tired out. She was also glad I didn't force myself to go to the gym today---but will tomorrow! Didn't have any dreams to report, but the time sped past, and at the end I said I'd "give" her the final five minutes, but managed to find something to discuss during those last minutes anyway. My knees felt the effort of going downstairs later, and I also complained about the heat, compared with Wales' coolth. May have brought up other things (CERTAINLY brought up my frustration about not being able to transfer my Neo files to WP51, but did NOT talk about jerking off, however), but I can't remember them now that I'm typing up this report FIVE days after our meeting!

THURSDAY, 8/13/09: Pee at 3:42AM. At 6:24 type dream and pee. Start j/o at 6:10 but it doesn't work. Len calls at 8:42AM, rather annoying, and we decide to see the Metropolitan Museum next week on the 21/22/23; I'll call him back. Leave word with Edgardo at 8:55AM, checking about his arrival the day after tomorrow, also saying I got his message on my machine. Then have breakfast, type to 9:42, and call Schwab at 9:45. Decide on $18,925.57 of Citi Group CD at 7.607% payable semi-annually, order number 07277820. Then put $23,503 into Bank of America senior unsecured note at 7.2%, order number 07285825. That leaves just over $10,000 in my Keogh for which I have to fax an order to transfer it to my IRA to switch on-line to my Schwab One for writing checks. Talk to Marj 11:04-11:43; talk to Shelley to 12:03PM. Read more Times and have Spam lunch. Then Edgardo calls and says he's too busy to take time for the trip to NYC! I'm quite relieved, saying, "Now I don't have to clean my apartment!" Start reading in file 8 from Neo for DREAMS. Then decide to make a Podiatry appointment at HIP. Call the Podiatry number (8) and it rings AT LEAST FORTY TIMES before I hang up in disgust and phone Public Relations, which repeats "All representatives are talking to other customers. Please stay on the line and the calls will be taken in the order received." That happens SO many times that at 3:30 I start Spider, listening to that DAMNED message to 4:23, getting to a magnificent new high of 50.74001 at 279 up after 4 wins! Then try making an appointment with DiMatteo at 4:25, but even though they say they're there until 5PM, no one answers THAT phone either! Do miscellaneous things until starting to get ready for the Beard at 6:15PM. Have a FABULOUS Beard dinner with MARVELOUS food at table one with Fred's girl on my left and the gay couple on my right. Bed at 10:45PM.

FRIDAY, 8/14/09: Pee at 12:58AM. Dream of many special VOLUMINOUS wigs. Pee at 4:11 and up at 7:40. Have the last of Spam for lunch. Finish the last of the OLD Times so that tomorrow's will be the only one left to read. I also entertain myself mightily by easily solving ALL the magazines' puzzles! Don't feel like doing anything constructive, so I start Spider at 4:27 and plug away, losing and winning, to finally stop at 8:06 at 50.73922, down the slightest bit, but still at 279 up after 2 wins. Watch four hours of "Wild Russia." Bed at 12:12AM.

SATURDAY, 8/15/09: 6:25AM: Type dream and pee, look up Penryn Island, and take a valium due to dental appointment. Type dream 8:20-8:25, have breakfast, clean teeth for the third time, leaving gums abraded, and get to dentist 9:45-10:30, having filling added with no problem and no anesthetic. Work on updating the BRITWALE TRIP from 10:30-1:55, first having to REDO part of file 1 because that Verizon interruption SKIPPED ABOUT A PAGE, but since it was just at the end of page one, I could input the file AGAIN and stop it after getting to the part that I DID get. The rest of the time was spent mainly incorporating the RANDOM THOUGHTS from 7/23, 27, and 29, and 8/4, 5, 7, and 10. Have lunch and decide to indulge in the Sunday Times puzzles, doing both, and then even doing Saturday's puzzle with a large amount of help from the Internet solution. Do Spider 8:05-9:25PM to a NEW HIGH of 50.74958 at 283 up after 5 wins! Watch the last hour of "Wild Russia," and skim through Spartacus's recordings of the amateurish Bruce Weber films "Broken Noses" about pre-pubescent boxers and a Chet Baker lookalike trainer, and "Let's Get Lost" about a young handsome and old ugly Chet Baker. Bed at 12:50AM, eyes closing.

SUNDAY, 8/16/09: 7PM: Pee and shit. Start j/o 8:45, and finally admit failure at 9:42AM, totally exhausted. Look at the Sunday Times, have breakfast, and leave for Piri's Games Group at 1:05PM. Stop at 1:50PM at Mama's Pizza for a pepperoni slice, during which I feel a small crunch and find that my new filling has fallen out! Get to Piri's with Diane and Caesar there; Barbara and Alexa join, and we do a fun Boggle with Barbara beating me by two points, then a great series of Charades with the team of Piri, Caesar, and Alexa finishing TWELVE SECONDS quicker than the team of Diane, Barbara, and me. Finish with Scattergories until almost 7PM and get home to have a HH soup while watching four hours of the Spartacus-recommended "Raging Earth" and got to bed at 11:15PM EXHAUSTED.

MONDAY, 8/17/09: 5PM: Type dream and pee. Up at 8:42. Make a list of things I do after breakfast today: 1) go to gym; 2) take newspapers out; 3) clean comb, 4) have lunch, 5) organize piles of a) vacation stuff, b) to-be-handled stuff, and c) notes to be transcribed to journal; 6) ply Taipei 2:38-4:40, winning every single one, eventually; 7) watch the end of "The Fall of the Roman Empire," not THAT great, to 8PM; 8) start typing at 8:02PM, finishing with ALL the old notes by 10PM, greatly relieved. Find that "A Bigger Splash" is available on Netflix, and I remove "Fall of the Roman Empire." GRADUALLY catching up by 10:10PM! Have dinner while watching "The Dam Busters," which I'd never seen before. Get to bed at 12:37AM.

TUESDAY, 8/18/09: Pee at 2:38. Type dreams and pee at 6:08 and 8:48. Transfer Neo dreams to WP51 and type this by 9:32AM. Have breakfast and start working through papers: throwing things away, filing papers, ordering ballet and opera tickets for me and Charles, talking to Marj, and while waiting for changing SIX of my ten Chase Visa numbers, playing Spider between 11:20-12:40 to a NEW HIGH of 50.75195 at 284 up after 2 wins. First time on in three days. Now it's just past 1:30 and time for lunch. Also got Robert Workoff's last year's ASME catalog. Start proofing and typing BRITWALE at 2:20, stopping for phone calls, then stop at 6:20 to dress for the Beard, getting there at 6:58 to wish Ken a happy birthday, enjoy two mojitos, but don't care for the pulled pork: most of the pig looks like it's ground-up intestines and inedibles. Some of the other dishes not bad, but Ken and I agree it's rather like British food, just not that flavorful: he's disappointed with his first barbecue at the Beard, and I say this just proves I'll never go again. Get a bar of soap as we leave, having stayed long enough to avoid the DOWNPOUR about 9:30PM. Home and bed at 11:12PM.

WEDNESDAY, 8/19/09: 2:57 reflux, then pee and take two aspirin. Start j/o with Viagra at 5:25 and finish rather softly at 6:55. Look at TV and back to bed at 7:30, obviously getting to sleep because Len WAKES me with a shock at 9:30 to agree to meet at the Met at 1PM Saturday. I get back to bed but bounce back up when Dr. DiMatteo's secretary calls to give me an appointment tomorrow at 10:45AM. Decide to stay up, groggily. Shit a bit, have breakfast of oatmeal to use the last of the souring milk, then get back to make two COMPCHRO notes and find, to my great relief, that the BRITWALE file is OK despite that awful "Put WP51 disk in slot and hit any key" message, which ESC got me out of. Print out all the pages, even the tiny "photos" page, by 1:20PM, finishing this. Sky still preternaturally blue, possibly a long-range after-effect of Viagra. They look to be SO close to finishing work on 55 Henry next door. Add three items to ALZ list. Fill out the calendar pages to 2:10, lunch to 2:30, Marj calls and tells about her "release" from jury duty AT LENGTH to 3:30, and then I watch the start of "On the Fiddle" with Sean Connery playing dumb until I have to wash and dress and get out to Sharon at 4:30. Then go to CVS to find they have no baling twine, but buy LOTS of needles and thread, and two 9-volt batteries; then go to Grand to get my reading glasses adjusted. So SOME things are getting done. Get a New Yorker in the mail, which I scan, and then get to Taipei from 6:30 to 9, winning almost every game but the last one, which I'm just tired enough to quit. She DID say that OF COURSE it was more fun playing computer games or watching television than doing the normal maintenance of brushing teeth, washing dishes, vacuuming, that EVERYONE just HAS to do, even if it means I have to go BACK to the dentist tomorrow to get my filling REFILLED that I'd already courageously gotten filled on SATURDAY. Catch up with this to 9:20, ready to indulge in dinner and the rest of the movie. Finish the movie at 10:40 and get to bed at 11PM.

SHARON B. 106 8/19/09

The reception room is ICY cold, which I comment on when she comes out of the john early and invites me into her office. I didn't think the afternoon would be so negative, but it sure turned out that way, as I ended up dragged in four different directions for both positive and negative reasons: 1) "on the square" to keep everything organized so that things will get DONE, but then I always feel OBLIGED to do them, 2) "on the curve" which allows for spontaneity, but I always feel guilty when I'm not DOING anything, though the spontaneity has the most chance of yielding actual fun surprises, 3) do what I MUST do, but feel obliged, and guilty when I don't do them, 4) do what I WANT to do, but yet the things pile up that I MUST do and I end up frustrated because I'm not doing enough of them. Mention that I MIGHT be souring on the whole IDEA of the website, but that's because it's always the LOWEST priority, and I manage to find things to do that are of a HIGHER priority than the website, yet I'm CONVINCED that it will bring me fame, even if only posthumously. Tell about my HAPPINESS that Edgardo phoned to say he couldn't show up, because then I had all that "extra free time" that I wasn't expecting. But I keep saying that when I SCHEDULE something, like the Beards this week, or the dance and opera with Charles, or even the Met on Saturday with Len, I feel OBLIGED to do it, even though I KNOW I'd actually enjoy those activities when I GET to them---even though they may be tiring. I described this fat stumpy woman dragging a carry-all who PASSED ME WITH EASE on the sidewalk, and I'm wondering if there's anything wrong that I'm feeling so LAZY, though I DO feel better when I'm going to the gym, which I'd noticed many times in the past. Looked forward to CATCHING UP with this trip, so that I could start on the index and get ready for the NEXT trip. Talked about the frustration of getting cut off TWICE while trying to get my new Schwab Visa number to Virgin, though happy to know that I will HAVE the money for the rest of my life even if I DO spend lots of it now. Talked about the frustrations with Ken at the barbecue last night which didn't work out for EITHER of us. Just yammered on and on, until about 5:28 I said I'd just sign the papers and leave, and she rather jolted as if she hadn't been aware of the time at all. STILL didn't mention my obsession with jerking off which I'm sure CONTRIBUTES to my feeling tired. DID mention the heat, though agreed that cool weather will be coming before we know it since we're already more than halfway through AUGUST. Probably moaned about other things, but this is QUITE ENOUGH.

THURSDAY, 8/20/09: Type dream and pee by 5:20AM. Up at 9:02! Breakfast and get to Dr. DiMatteo at 10:44 to find that her building's air conditioning is off! She works on me anyway, giving a drill for a "hook" for another tooth-colored filling that she assures me will hold. Out at 11:08 to go to Payless and find another pair of my walking shoes with the Velcro fastenings! Buy those and an EXACT copy of my black "dress" shoes, and they're having a half-price-off-second-pair sale, so the both of them are $44.98. Then try Downstairs Discount for twine, but they don't have any, and get it at the corner hardware store for $7.61 for 900 feet that I hope are strong enough for my paper bundles. Back in the heat at noon, trying two sudoku from the book I bought for $1, and then print DREAMS pages and have lunch. Get to the gym for the first FULL exercise, which is rather tiring, but I hope ends my tired feelings, paradoxically. AND determine to call for an EMERGENCY appointment with Odinsky: I'm NOT going to tolerate this sore foot much more! Go to the liquor store and find that the REGULAR Bailey's cream is $50/liter, so the Caramel Cream might even be MORE. The Amarula I bought a liter of for $19.79 is $23.99 for 750 ml. Buy my five-liter Almaden Mountain Burgundy. Finish DREAMSG in Word for Marj to proof, and print the first two pages of DREAMSH, which shounds ash if I'm drunk. Finish this by 5:35PM, ready to print "missing" NI pages. Getting caught up! Get to Momofuku early but it's already crowded, the appetizers aren't that great, and the meal's not really worth $200, and I had to ask for salt for the mushrooms! BUT the wine tastes good, as it SHOULD if it's REALLY $170/bottle, and I have a lot of it, which means I get to bed PLOTZED at 10:55PM, having taken night pills and two aspirin.

FRIDAY, 8/21/09: Pee at 3:24 and take two more aspirin. It's 79 out still and I have the air conditioner on. Out of bed, groggily, at 9AM to phone HIP for podiatry, and get "waiting for answer" UNTIL 10:30AM, when in DESPERATION I call and GET podiatry for an emergency appointment (with a long wait) with Odinsky at 11AM on Tuesday! Then work till NOON to download and fill in forms to transfer $12,000+ from Keogh to IRA, to later transfer to Schwab One to pay bills. WHAT A HASSLE! But it's DONE. Play a lot of Taipei until I'm tired of it, then officially record Spider from 3:33-6:15 to 50.74603 at 282 up after 3 wins. Manage to get down breakfast and lunch, still feeling drunk from last night, and have dinner while watching "Orfeo ed Euridice" from the Met, getting to bed at 12:05AM Saturday, cool enough at last to not have the air conditioner on. Skies and CLOUDS were so incredible I took some pictures this afternoon!
SATURDAY, 8/22/09: Type dream at 7:30 and pee. Up at 8:15 to get the Times and read it all but the magazine, which I save for breakfast, doing both puzzles in decent time. Len calls to say he'll be a bit late at the Met. Try to find Carolyn Oliver on the Internet, but she seems to have no e-mail, so I write her a note thanking her for her disk on Bhutan, getting THAT off my desk and into the Bhutan file. Then catch up with this by 11:35AM, feeling pretty good, but waiting to see how my foot holds up after the day walking at the Met. Get out at 12:15PM and get to Len already there at 1:10, having NOT had the train delay that he'd phoned me about. We went first to the medieval pen and parchment exhibit from 1:15-2:15, exhaustive and exhausting, and then to the Napoleon III and old Paris photographs until 2:40, when we both wanted lunch. We passed the more expensive place on the ground floor, and he promised we'd go there some other time, but he had his heart set on more sushi from the basement cafeteria, so we went down there where I had a tuna salad, a strawberry smoothie that I managed to pinken my khaki trouser-crotch with, and a mediocre square of "British" (namely, something with too-little flavor) pecan pie. That went to 3:40, when he wanted to see the Period Rooms from the glass elevator in the new American Wing, which HAD been third on my list. We started at the top, he with much more interest than I, and by 5:10PM we were mostly through floor 2a when I said I was just suffering from data overload, and when pressed said that my foot was hurting---I HAD told him about my marathon telephone call to HIP for my podiatry appointment during lunch. He sat me down to look at my orthotic and then insisted that I tell him about such things earlier---and I said that I DID, just when I felt I had to, even though he wanted to stay around and have a cup of tea with the afternoon concert. I also insisted that HE make the arrangements for the next meeting. When I mentioned Ken, he asked with apprehension whether he was a lover; when I said he wasn't, he said, "Then I still have a chance!" I was tempted to tell him he didn't, but he was so sweet about everything that I didn't want to disappoint him. He has recently taken to putting his hand on my arm or shoulder or around my waist with a much higher frequency, and I simply can't predict how anything might turn out. Home tired on the bus and subway, and get a call that Spartacus has a copy of "Chop Suey" so I should take his DVD of "Broken Noses" to Bob's at 8PM so he can copy that movie onto that DVD, but he ends up coming to my place at 7:45 so I can give him his pile of stuff and he leaves TWO DVDs with me: "Kings" and something called "Gay" on the label. I play Spider 8-11:45PM, finally getting to a record high of 50.76109 at 288 up after 6 wins, then have dinner while watching "Chop Suey," not really very good, until I tiredly go off to bed at 2:10AM.

SUNDAY, 8/23/09: Up from 8:25-8:58, shitting and starting on the Sunday Times, and then back to bed to get up at 9:55. Finish the Times with breakfast, then get to Taipei from 11-1, starting to record my time spent on that, and send possible segments of "GORGY" to Tris. Start watching "La Cenerentola" with Garanca and Brownlee so I can clear the DVD to record the 10PM Hawking Universe program. Then continue through lunch and dinner by watching ALL the "Gay" stuff, much of it from Logo travel programs not very good, and then watch two episodes of "Kings," getting absorbed into it so much that I turn to NBC.COM to find there are more episodes I can actually watch there. But turn it off and get to bed at 11:57PM, just not up to even a 43-minute episode at that time.

MONDAY, 8/24/09: Dream of indexing a MoMA guide before I get up to pee at 5:45, then back to bed with the air conditioning finally off to get up at 8:13 to record the later dream, and then catch up with this to 8:35AM, happy to be caught up and intending to do LOTS of good stuff today, but start possibly on the wrong foot by going BACK to NBC.COM now, to see if the reception is better than last night, when the sound started very haltingly---and annoyingly. FINISH all four last episodes, interrupted by talking 10 minutes to Marj, by 12:25PM! Now all I have to do is figure out (including gym) what to do with the rest of the day. Work on Visa bill; transfer from IRA to Schwab One. Spider 3:25-4:40 to 50.76109 at 288 up after 6 wins for highest yet. Then just WASTE time with Taipei from 4:40-8:30. Bed 11:36PM.

TUESDAY, 8/25/09: Four hours for Odinsky (see MEDICAL). Lunch at Five Guys. Absolutely nothing else of note.

WEDNESDAY, 8/26/09: 1:33AM up to j/o to 2:30AM. Bed at 3:30. Up at 10:10AM with annoying Prime Timer call. Write four checks, mail three. Call Marj to send new stuff so I can mail her check, and she's already MAILED it late Monday. What a nice coincidence. 2:50PM finish 4/11 puzzle. 3:30 finish top 4/12 puzzle. Late lunch. Get to Sharon two minutes late. Home to waste time watching TV, doing puzzles, eating dinner. Bed 1:10AM.

SHARON B. 107 8/26/09

Moan about foot problem, soaking feet, and putting on lotion. Congratulate myself on handling finances. "Almost finished with trip," I say, though it takes me to SUNDAY, 8/30, to actually DO it. Bitch about lots of stuff, but mostly congratulate myself on doing WHAT I WANT TO WHEN I WANT TO. I'm feeling MUCH better about it, even though I'm not DOING anything. She actually gives some concrete suggestions which I've actually forgotten. GREAT! So much for good note-taking. Don't record this until just before 8PM, Sunday, 8/30. DISGUSTING!

THURSDAY, 8/27/09: Having eaten too much dinner and snack and booze, I get up at 2:45AM and take a Rolaid and drink some apple juice. Type dream at 6:19AM. Lie in bed, thinking, not knowing what to do. Decide to get up at 7:05 to soak foot and watch "Westworld" and "Futureworld" that I recorded last night, after getting hooked into them. Pause to go to Okoh at 10:45 after phoning for a special appointment after talking with Mildred who says I should do it. He sets me up for a foot sonogram on Monday. Though I saw both movies before, I remember almost nothing. Have breakfast while watching, maybe watch other stuff on TV, and then play Spider 12:15-2:25, AWFUL to 50.75737 at 287 up after 4 wins. Maybe even play more after that, too disgusted to record score. Do more crossword puzzles. Watch TV. Eat dinner and waste time. Bed 12:12AM.

FRIDAY, 8/28/09: Pee at 8:10AM, 66 out at last: comfortable, feet seem less swollen. I'm now taking water-retention pills and ibuprofen. Up at 9:43AM and get blood work taken quickly, remarking "I've never seen this place empty" as I leave laboratory. Back to figure more trip expenses, while reading in another disk of photos, discovering at the end that I've put them into C:, almost filling it up. Decide to transfer the entire MY PICTURES file to G:. I pass the time by labeling most of the trip slips, except that I now have to go to the web to get recent bill numbers for my final accounting. Call Marj: still haven't gotten her envelope, but I just got my New York magazine today, and STILL haven't gotten this week's New Yorker! What's going ON? Then encounter HORRIBLE problem of LINKING images from C: to G:. Just AWFUL! Bed at 12:40AM, taking a sleeping pill and setting the alarm to record movie at 6:20AM.

SATURDAY, 8/29/09: Wake at 6AM and decide to WATCH "Girl with a Pearl Earring," really quite wonderful. Watch the end of the awful "Jeepers Creepers II," truly a guilty pleasure. Read the Times and do ALL THREE PUZZLES FOR MOST OF THE DAY! Incredible waste of time, but I just don't FEEL like doing ANYTHING ELSE! Down just before 5PM to find I've GOTTEN Marj's envelope, but her phone is off the hook so I can't tell her. More puzzles, more TV, more eating and drinking. Bed at 2:10AM, watching more TV to let enormous dinners settle in my stomach.

SUNDAY, 8/30/09: Pee at 8:31 and again, lengthily, at 8:43! Up at 9:52, read most of the rest of the Times, try to phone Marj at 11:05 and 11:35AM, but since her line is busy I don't try any more until the afternoon, and then quit. Madly do Spider from 12:40-1:40, recording my 50.76241 next-to-highest score at 289 up after 4 wins, and then play MORE, for an UNRECORDED time, to 50.75483 at 286 up after 3 wins---just STOPPING in disgust. MADLY do more puzzles, looking at solutions on this crazy guy's blog, and then TAKE CONTROL and THROW THE REST OF THEM OUT! I just can't STAND doing more of them, and now that I've taken to doing them as they come in, I don't WANT to be bogged down with 20 or so OLD ones that I'll just look up for the solutions anyway. GREAT DECISION! Go through the cycle of Taipei puzzles to exhaustion until about 5PM. Also get the final trip expenses from the web, number the final bills, total up the shared expenses, my expenses, Ken's expenses; phone him with the total he owes me, and then put all the stuff into an enormous box and label it and put it up on a shelf, AWAY AT LAST! Then throw out the last of the piled-up mail, transcribe the last two MEDICAL visits, and catch up with this by 8:25PM, having ONLY to have dinner while watching a 10:30PM half-hour PBS special on something-or-other narrated by Kevin Kline. DREAD getting back to PHOTOS! But start that immediately, and from 8:25-10:18 I make a list of the contents of GALBUM, finding that only St. Petersburg is in triplicate, only two or three are in duplicate, and a few countries have scattered duplicates, maybe somehow resulting from copies of photos that I made when Ken and Steve reviewed their trips with me. Watch the half hour on Henri Rousseau and get to bed at 11:30PM.

MONDAY, 8/31/09: Pee at 5:05 and again at 5:30. Up at 7AM and have breakfast and phone Marj to talk a long time about her paranoid thoughts about what might have happened to the envelope and what we might have had to do to reconstruct the missing flashdrive, made easier by her finally keeping records of just what files I sent her. Get to the gym at 2:30 and finish by 4PM, the mail not yet delivered to the K line. Get to Doshi at 4:35, get seen by 5:30, have a sonogram probe shoved into the backs of both knees, and out by 6PM. Back to pick up a few days' supply of egg foo yung; get TV Guide from TWO WEEKS AGO, but still not LAST week's New Yorker; do more work on the ATLANTC trip notes, and watch a wonderful hour-and-a-half documentary on Herbert von Karajan from 10-11:30. Flick back and forth between History and Planet Green, having to reboot the box, and get to bed at 12:48AM, content with the day, ending it with changing the calendar page from August to September.

TUESDAY, 9/1/09: Wake at 7ish with a vague dream memory, then wake again at 8:35, amazed that it's been almost eight hours and I haven't even peed yet. Have the first of a series of oatmeal breakfasts since HH isn't being delivered until Friday and I have just two meals of their food and two egg foo yung servings left. Then catch up with dreams and this until 9:35AM, ready to leave for my appointment with Chin at 10AM. Get to a PERFECTLY EMPTY waiting room at 9:55AM, after withdrawing $100 from HSBC. Dr. Chin sees me at 10, results all good in MEDICAL. Call him Friday for X-ray and sonogram results. Try doing laundry but both big machines are just being filled. Good thing I didn't START, or I couldn't have gone to the Gardens with Charles. Call Mildred and Shelley and Marj, who'll call me when she's ready to start handling ATLANTC notes, maybe over the long weekend, but NOT at 11AM. Spartacus said his 7/31-dated New Yorker arrived YESTERDAY. Mine not here YET. Leave word with Len and Doug about 9/16 slide show. Finish this at 11:37AM, ready for rest of day! Charles calls and we agree to meet at 1:45PM at Grand Central for the train to the Bronx Botanical Gardens. Have second egg foo yung for lunch, and I'm there at 1:50, just minutes before he arrives. We get the 2:25 train, which gets in at 2:40. Gal at entrance kiosk can't find Susie Mead's name on the computer, but they finally let us in free, rather than paying the $20 entry. We look at the map and wait for the tram ride around the natural and newly announced areas, much changed since the last time we were there. Tire even walking around the gardens OUTSIDE the Conservatory, but get in to be amazed by how WONDERFUL it is! VERY impressive collections in GREAT condition, and we even snitch a few sweet-tart tomatoes just waiting to be plucked. They don't seem in a hurry to close at 6PM, so we're back to pee and drink more of their wonderfully cold water from the fountain, and to the train station for the 6:36 train, which is a few minutes late. I suggest we dine at the Artisinal Restaurant, but it's not at 39th and Park, as I'd thought. Ask a hotel porter and he says it's at 32nd and Madison. Down to that and it's not there, but now I'm sure it's at 32nd and PARK, so we go across 32nd and there it is. MUCH too much food, very rich, and a $40 bottle of Prosecco brings it over $80 for each of us, and the place is noisy, but still a success, even though Charles doesn't think the Roquefort parfait is Roquefort-y enough. We can't stomach dessert. Home to find Ken's check in the mail, but still no New Yorker. Do a round of Taipei to digest food and get to bed at 12:07AM, still exhausted and stuffed.

WEDNESDAY, 9/2/09: 1:32PM: Got up at 5:30, VERY sore in fingers and feet, and take a Rolaid and two aspirins; pee; wipe away (by digging!) one tiny turd; do a much-needed foot massage, and do a bedbug search until 5:40. Don't record dream, wake again 7ish with another dream that I don't record, and get up at 9:50AM, clearly having needed sleep. Call Colleen to confirm the Beard tonight, call Mildred who screams at me as usual, so I scream back at her, and then have breakfast about 11:20, since I'll need to have lunch early for the Beard tonight. Finish the second try at the TV Guide sudoku, having gone WAY wrong WAY early, and decide to see if the big washing machines are free. They are, but one of the women leaving berates me for taking the clothes-carrier out of the room. I say I've done it for years and she shrugs. Down to find another woman loading the OTHER large washer, and it takes a LONG time and number of tries to get the door closed and my cycle started, which will finish at 1:55PM. Type this and determine to get Marj's envelope ready to mail to her this afternoon. All I can do is get Ken's check into an envelope to Schwab, go down to transfer wash into dryer, divide up DREAMSG, NOTEBOKG, and NH into three parts for ease of Marj's work on them, and phone her to find that she's already DONE DREAMSG; well, yes, there it was on my black flashdrive. But she loves me doing that for her. Then have a late lunch of the last of the egg foo yung by 4:10PM, starting to sort the laundry before leaving to Sharon at 4:33PM. Back at 5:33PM to find my mailbox LOADED: TWO issues of New Yorker, ANOTHER issue of TV Guide, and LOTS of mail. A REAL BREAKTHROUGH! Then Tris calls to ask if I'm working on anything to send him. I'll call him tomorrow, says Scarlet.

SHARON B. 108 9/2/09

Get there one minute early on my watch and a minute late on her reception-room clock, so I poke my head in her door, where HER clock agrees with my watch, saying that the reception clock is usually wrong. Start by saying that I got a lot done and felt MUCH better, except that PART of "getting done" was going to the Bronx Botanical Gardens with Charles, where we BOTH sympathized with each other about not being able to walk "forever" without feeling tired. Then I go back through my foot problems, my fear of taking too much ibuprofen, my forgetting Charles's tickets when I saw him yesterday, my "screaming" at Mildren on the phone when she "screamed" at me, and she asked if there was anything GOOD about my increasing age. I managed to come up with: being more honest with people, saying what I wanted to say, lessened beating my head against the wall when something didn't go the way I wanted it to ("You always managed to find a solution to all your problems in the past, and now you're sad that you can't find a solution to getting older?" she suggested.), and even in a way RESIGNED myself to not being able to walk more than three hours without feeling tired: before I would have been tempted to STRETCH my time, to get STRONGER, but now I understand that I WON'T be getting stronger, only WEAKER over time, so I'll just have to get USED to people passing me on the street---or the cute guy ahead lengthening his distance from me. Talked of confessing my financial worries to Mildred, changed my 9/16 appointment to 9/14 to free me up for being with my friends (maybe as many as ten of them!) after the show, which she thinks she'll be able to see. Then I have a 9/23 appointment and then leave on the trip. Talked of the UNSOLVABLE problems with the computer-photo program, but said that I'd rehearse for the 9/16 showing, which makes me nervous since it'll be the first time showing with the projector OUTSIDE my apartment. She again concludes that I do a LOT, demand a LOT of myself, still have a very full life, and can look forward to a lot more trips and even walks. Leave a bit before 5:30, needing to get back home to get ready for the Beard tonight. Pick up a still-two-month program when I get there, and Claudia talks to me, knowing me even though I didn't remember her, and she appreciates my saying I like the now two-month format. She tells me about the friend of the Australian chef who's helped him out here and introduces me to someone who'd been a member for many years but took a few years off while he got a liver replacement. To table one between not-very-promising groups, but the fivesome on the left was impressed when I remembered Beth's and Justin's name, and the couple on the right was impressed that I'd been to Morocco twice, and the Polish one even exchanged cards with me. The food was interesting, the wines less so, and I picked up a bag of not-very-good goodies on the way out. Bed at 12:30AM.

THURSDAY, 9/3/09: Pee at 5AM and up at 7:52 to pee again while reading magazine articles. Back to bed at 8:20 and up at 9:10. Start looking at photos again, finding to my relief that "fldr" contains a single-copy version of St. Petersburg, and transfer them VERY slowly from "fldr" to New Album (4), letting it continue while I talk to Marj until 11:30AM, when I tell her I'm starved for breakfast. Back to find it JUST finishing transferring the 1007 slides, start a slide show and find there's much too much junk remaining---it turns out I never even deleted poor slides when the disk was in the camera! It's really a strain to delete about half the photos from the album (but not from the disk), and during that Rita calls to say she's thinking of visiting me for about seven days starting the week of October 12. Not really what I wanted to hear, and start fretting about it already! Finish before 3PM and get to the gym to see the first DYNAMITE guy in ages in the steam room: young and lightly muscled, semi-erect when he went to cool down in the steam-room shower, smaller when he entered the stall across the way ONE DOWN from me, where I could see he's TRIMMED his pubic hair and wears a black ear-stud, and I figure he might moonlight as a go-go dancer. Hope to see him again! Back to find more mail, get a message from Spartacus about how good FIOS is for him price-wise, have a late lunch, and check to find that I actually SAW "Blood Diamond" on July 4, 2009! Remember NOTHING from it! Treat myself to about THREE cycles of Taipei from 6-10:20PM, winning 95% of them, getting a call from Ken to reserve for both of us at the Beard on Thanksgiving. Watch the end of "Blood Diamond" while having dinner, sort of remembering bits of it while watching it, and continue with the end of "Pitch Black." Bed at 11:50PM.

FRIDAY, 9/4/09: Pee 6:22AM. Do Actualism after thinking of LOTS OF NEW STUFF that I have to do. Dream and up at 9:03 to record dream, call the Beard, search BRITWALES for Actualism and mympths, print back pages, and catch up with this at 10:35AM, hungry for breakfast. Have it while watching "History of the World, Part I," very mixed in humor in parts. Back to typing this at 11:25AM. With the seeming solution of the "St. Petersburg triples" problem yesterday, I was actually down to just FIVE piles on the to-do table: 1) Schwab cash on 9/19, to be attended to later; 2) photographs, almost caught up with; 3) Chase debit card, which I decide to put in my wallet: if I use it, OK, but it's not worth the FUSS just to avoid paying $6 a month for the six months I have to keep it before I can close it, profiting at least by $100-$36=$64; 4) Marj's bill, which I made the check for on 8/26 but have not as yet filled her flashdrive with new files to be proofed so I can send her envelope back; 5) New Yorker renewal, which I just got the cards for on Wednesday, showing that THEIR lowest renewal is $1/issue, which I'm sure some Internet location will give for less. When I can't get back to sleep after 6:30, it dawns on me that I have to transfer the ALBUM (with photos deleted) to a CD or DVD which I then have to transfer to the LAPTOP. Find that I didn't record WHEN I showed WHO WHAT for my first digital show here. Check calendar to find it was 3/29/09 for Egypt/Petra, which I add to my list by 12:10PM. So, in the early morning, I make out FIVE MORE cards of "things to do": 1) transfer New Album (4) to CD for show on LAPTOP (what OPTIMISM!); 2) make "show list" of names for St. Petersburg show; 3) send Tris ALL NEW proofread files; 4) for Blockbuster: a) add "Departures" and other Netflix "holds," and b) cancel in 10 days! 5) for Labrador trip: a) check SEATING on Ottawa (?) flight, b) check Sheryl's package information. So I get rid of ONE pile from before by putting the Chase debit card into my wallet to TRY to use in the next few weeks, and put the information into the black shelves. Then I can find NO evidence as to HOW I got the Egypt file INTO the laptop! There IS no DVD in the slot, DESPITE the fact that it SHOWS on my "computer" listing as DVD in Drive E! Only access to Olympus on my laptop is through the PROGRAM. Now at 12:25PM to look at Olympus on my DESKTOP to see if I can put an ALBUM ON A DVD. Phone them and they tell me how! I DO IT, using Marj's flashdrive! Time it from 2:15-3:25, with interruptions. Call and talk to her, and she's REALLY in a state! At 3:30 I check the HIP schedule and find that Dr. Chin leaves at 3PM, so I have to call him Monday. Have lunch. Then treat myself to Spider 3:45-8:25, ending up AWFUL at 50.75019 at 285 up after 3 wins. Then do cycles of Taipei until 10:45! Spartacus calls to tell me to watch "Great Explosions" on History Channel, which I do from 11-12 while eating dinner. Bed at 12:20AM, resolving to do ONE pile per day.

SATURDAY, 9/5/09: Pee at 2:01, 3:43, 5:53, and at 7:56 when I get up. J/o to 9AM. Get the Times and do ALL THREE puzzles by 2PM, having had breakfast between. Ken calls and tries to get me to go on the Paris flight that I suggest to him, but finally decide the answer is NO. I indulge in Spider 2:40-6PM, ending up not doing well at 50.75446 at 287 up after 3 wins. Marj calls and asks me to BRING HER $500 in cash!! She DOES have a problem. She'll write me a check, and then I decide to take it to her personally when I go to the Beard on Saturday, WITH her envelope and check. Have lunch. Then I return to Taipei from 6:35-8:10, and then decide to DO something USEFUL, and get rid of ONE pile by ordering two years of New Yorker from Amazon, 94 issues for $69.95, cheaper even than the magazine's best offer of $74. Check that the website DOES have JOYI in good form, and he's made the "Sexual" page correction. Then check Netflix to find I've ONLY asked for "Departures," which BlockBuster doesn't stock. Look through MUCH of their recommendations, adding "Beefcake," "The Nomi Song," and "Knowing" to my not-available "Hunger." Find that Netflix has them too (but not "Beefcake") as well as THREE versions of "The Chinese Ghost Story." Happy to have done SOMETHING useful today. Tomorrow is another story, and it's almost here at it's now 11:07PM and I'm about to have dinner and go to bed. Tape 9/11 conspiracy theories and get to bed at 12:50AM, getting up to check HOW MANY piles I have left to do, ACTUALLY SIX, from TEN: 1) Schwab on 9/19, 2) stuff to Marj, 3) fix Olympus albums, 4) Labrador check, 5) send Tris new files, 6) write "show list" for St. Petersburg. Update THIS to 1:02AM!

SUNDAY, 9/6/09: Up at 7:57, transcribe dream, get Times, pee, and back to bed to get up at 9:20AM. Read Times with breakfast and am finishing it when Antony Gray calls and talks about trips and about how he wants to visit me here! Think to print out STPETE and EGYPET summary pages for show narratives! BRILLIANT! And can print out these pages too by 11:30AM. By the end of the day I've annotated BOTH the summary pages for shows, taken off the STPETE slides from Marj's flashdrive and added NYC LIGHTNING to it to add to Olympus on the laptop, which shows very nicely. Have lunch, finish watching the hour and a half of "9/11: Science and Technology," and play Spider to a NEW BOTH-HIGH of 50.76462 at 291 up after 4 wins from 5:30-8:05, and then play a series of Taipei to 9:05. Make dinner and watch the BlockBuster "Watchmen," which I picked up in the bushel of election mail and other things when I checked the mailbox from Saturday after going to the gym from 2:15-3:35, AFTER picking up my simvastatin prescription for CVS with my new Chase Visa, pushing it as a credit card, as they recommend, rather than a debit card, for which I would have needed a pin number. GOOD DAY! Finish "Watchmen" at 12:20AM and remind myself that I'd wanted to record "Ace of Hearts" on TCM at 12:15. Turn it on and watch for a few minutes, then record the rest of it and get to bed at 12:40AM, putting on powder and taking night pills from the last batch before my trip, which is getting closer, but am heartened by making the ASME index a new pile, and leaving ONLY the Tris-up-to-date file-sending, and the Labrador-trip checking, to do TOMORROW.

MONDAY, 9/7/09: Pee at 5:38 and up at 9:20, feeling anxious. Is my pile of "things to do" getting too small? But LOTS of things to do next: file my HH meal menus with payment data, empty out my desk file folder, consolidate and update my web-payment shelves onto only ONE shelf, and check the projector for the 9/16 showing. Watch "Ace of Hearts" while having breakfast, really a very good movie with lots of suspense from 1921. Then watch a half hour of TCM fillers before "La Ronde" comes on, and pause the DVD to go to the bedroom, where I take the chance to call Marj at 1:15, playing Taipei toward the end at 2:30, where she SOMEWHAT comes down from her hyperventilation, and agrees to TRY to phone outside to get her bottles of vodka, and says that my coming with the money and stuff on Saturday before the Beard would be fine, and then I make a copy of my check on her bill, which she loves the idea of---even though it's crooked on the copy? Then catch up with this by 2:55PM, ready for lunch, for which I have ONLY the soups on hand! Good clam chowder while watching the first 80 minutes of "La Ronde," and then tackle looking at all the stuff Sheryl sent from Adventure Canada about the trip---and found that I don't need ANY of it, except that I print out the "Itinerary Change," just for the record. Then decide to look at what I haven't yet sent to Tris, but I can't find a good list of what I HAVE sent to him, and then decide to update the website-expense list---and CAN'T FIND IT! Search THREE TIMES through BOTH sets of bills and proofread pages, expecting it to be there, but it's NOT. Search TWICE through all the website stack of pages, and it's not THERE. Tris calls me in the middle of this to say that Carolyn went into the New Brunswick hospital Sunday after vomiting blood. But "she just needs to recuperate," the doctor says, even though she appears to have had a BRAIN problem. Take out the Personal file, and don't find it. Maybe it's with the typed pages? Sort through all of them, filing odd pages away (Actualism, COMPCHRO, MEDICAL), printing missing pages from OLD dreams files, and just decide it's too much trouble to put them into the exhausted folders on TOP of the bookshelf, so I simply clip them in groups of 100 pages and leave them in the stack they came from. Write this in disgust at 8:25PM, hungry for I-don't-know-what for dinner! Play Taipei until I get tired of it at 9:30, and go out for two slices of pizza on which I add too much garlic (or the pizza ITSELF is just too much), since I suffer from gastric pain through the early night. Can't think of anything else to do, so I settle for Taipei until I can't think anymore and go to bed at 11:38PM. Can't sleep, and finally about 12:15AM I get up CONVINCED that the missing sheet must have been MISFILED ON ANOTHER SHELF, and I go through other shelves on the left side, and down on the FAX shelf I find not only the missing sheet at 12:35AM, but lots of OTHER bills that somehow got misplaced. WHAT A RELIEF! At 1AM I make a note to ask about how the vote for more money for the black book came out---probably NOT with a 2/3 vote as needed to go private! I lie back down and scratch the back of my head and come up with what I fear may be a bedbug, so I get the magnifying glass at 1:20AM and seem to convince myself it's just a scab or bit of old flesh.

TUESDAY, 9/8/09: Type dream and pee at 6:03AM. Have another dream fragment that I note down: change the spelling of Docter to Doctor. Up at 8:34AM, have a quick breakfast, and at 9AM call to find the HIP phone not in service yet, so I wait until 9:05AM and tell Chin's secretary that I'll be leaving in 15 minutes, but if Chin could get my X-ray and sonogram results to me I'd appreciate it. Get dressed, take two magazines to read while waiting for Odinsky, and sign in at his office at 9:25AM, about seven people already ahead of me! Go to Chin's office and the secretary says she has to go down to Doshi to pick up my X-rays for Chin. I go back to remark that the RESULTS should be on his computer. Back that afternoon, I find a message on my phone machine from Chin at 9:50AM that my results are OK. The secretary hands me four sheets from Doshi Diagnostics with my test results. Back up to Odinsky's office and find lots of people crossed off his list, and I'm near the top. Read New Yorker, more people are called, more people complain about waiting, and finally about 12:30PM, having finished the New Yorker and starting on Scientific American, I ask how many are ahead of me and she says THREE! I ask how this can happen, since I've been here since 9:25AM, and she says that I'm only an add-on and will have to wait. A 9:30 add-on complains as well. Finally I get in at about 1:20PM, he says everything looks fine, feels happy when I say the foot doesn't hurt any more, and insists on clipping my toenails, rather short at that, and then putting iodine on the tip of each toe. Out at 1:44PM! Pass Five Guys and then turn around and go back for a cheeseburger without bacon this time, using my Chase Visa for the second time, and then for the third time to pay the $27 for my three Key Food purchases: milk, two loaves of bread, and nine cans of apple juice. Back to look through the mail and leave it on the floor to get to Taipei from 2:40-4, and then Spider from 4-5 to a new record lovely high of 50.76962 at 293 up after 4 wins. Back to the mail, actually messing up the TV Guide sudoku, but knowing the answer is MCRONKITE suffices for me to consider it finished. Still no call that the HH meals have arrived. Back to catch up with this journal, and mistakenly think that I'd filled in TODAY, and type the following: Write this in disgust at 8:25PM, hungry for I-don't-know-what for dinner! Play Taipei until I get tired of it at 9:30, and go out for two slices of pizza on which I add too much garlic (or the pizza ITSELF is just too much), since I suffer from gastric pain through the early night. Bed at 10:40, tired. Put on foot lotion, hand lotion, and transcribe dream at 12:55AM. At 1:30AM, still not asleep, I take an ambien.

WEDNESDAY, 9/9/09: Pee at 4:10AM, still uncomfortable. Up at 8:06AM, anxious and drowsy. Go through the mail, have breakfast, bring MEDICAL up to date from yesterday, remind myself to note that I FINALLY put a by-pass switch on my floor lamp which was becoming increasingly difficult to turn on and off, and send checks for insurance and to Tris. Talk to Workoff who says work will come to me on 9/15, as formerly agreed. Schwab still manages to be up a bit today. Call Charles about Friday's dumplings not happening because Carolyn is in the hospital. Anxiety MIGHT be due to the fact that I'm almost CAUGHT UP with piles of things to do. Stop at the library to pick up a book to read? Watch old movies I've saved for years on video? Lots of time "reliving" St. Petersburg trip as enriching details for my show next Wednesday: at times I even feel, in some odd way, that I'm BACK in that odd bedroom, anxious about the coming days and how I'm going to make the most of the trip---and hoping that I don't get sick or injured or otherwise impaired. Catch up with this by 10:50AM, getting ready to call Marj to see if she's gotten her vodka, or will I have to bring it to her. Start bringing the website-expense list up to date. Try Marj, but get a busy signal, at 11, 11:10, 11:30, 11:55, 12:15, and finally at 12:42 GET her, but she's doing something and says she'll call back in 30-60 minutes. I finish the expense list and start looking at what's on the website. Make lots of progress on the Travel section, noting what's there that's still unproofed: quite a lot, as it turns out, and I'm amazed to see a number of PHOTOS on the St. Petersburg site! She calls at 1:53PM, saying she's vastly improved, and can't think where to start in talking about it. I say that I have to have lunch NOW, at 2PM, and will call her back. Call her at 2:25 after having a can of minestrone soup for lunch to digest before going to the gym before going to Sharon's. She comes up with the wonderful "masterbaby" which she says will be our permanent catchword. She's "swimming in vodka," so I don't have to worry about THAT on Saturday, but she STILL wants the $500 cash. Ron interrupts the call to say my food has arrived, and then I have to hang up at 2:55PM when she, remarkably, says that she'll call me THIS EVENING between 8 and 10PM! Get to the gym at 3:10, after taking down a stack of waste paper and being allowed to put it only IN FRONT OF the compactor room door, and bringing up my HH food and stuffing it into the fridge. Back at 4:30, reset the bathroom watch for two minutes, which makes me two minutes late for Sharon at 4:47. She calls me right in and I leave at the dot of 5:32 by my watch. Stop in CVS to use my Chase Visa for my FOURTH purchase of five this month, and they have a SALE on deodorant, which gives me TWO for little more than I would have paid for ONE at Key Food! Get lots of mail, but put it aside to get to the computer. Find the Travel/Europe page still on, so decide to finish THAT, finding MORE errors for my correction page. Then get to puzzle over my mistyping WEDNESDAY at the end of MONDAY, thinking I'd already typed TUESDAY. Get THAT squared away, finally take the defrosting water bottles out of the HH box, and finish typing THIS by 7:20PM, ready to start on the almost-manic SHARON page at last.

SHARON B. 109 9/9/09

Get there late, at 4:47, and she calls me right in. I say I'd been on the phone too long, which made me late, and get right into the hassle of talking with and trying to bring Marj out of her depression. That leads into Carolyn's condition, which I shouldn't have mentioned to Marj at all, and when I drop the dream of Mom with the two chocolate-coverd donuts into it, Sharon connects it ALL to MY anxiety about my sister's coming to visit, which I'm surprised she hadn't heard about yet, but when I NOW check back in NI, I find that Rita called about her trip the day AFTER my last session with Sharon. Mention the "connection" between my idle thoughts about "drinking with Rita," when Marj confesses to having two shots of vodka in ADDITION to her medications and valerian before going out on her business days. When Sharon brings up my DREAM again, I think about the idea that RITA likes to cook, and maybe SHE'LL spend part of her time HERE cooking for us. Sharon also figures my not getting my HH meals when I expected added to my feelings of anxiety the past two mornings. Also mention feeling pressured by KEN to go on his last two-week vacation left this year, but, even though I bring up the Paris flight, insist that MY trips will be where I want to go---thinking of, but not mentioning, my e-mail to Jackson from GCT on possible travel together. Also filled Sharon in on my medical results, and SHE has calcaneal spurs too! I say I don't identify with Marj's MANIC states (though I suspected that MY presentation this afternoon verged on the manic!), nor with her depressed states, but I feel good when she says that talking to me has helped her. Kept up a constant stream of talk, glancing at the clock from time to time, taking advantage of her water supply while INSISTING I had no idea where my HOARSENESS while talking during part of the session came from. Also kept returning to my sense of almost BEING BACK IN St. Petersburg while "studying" for the presentation next Wednesday. She identifies it as "being alone and worried about becoming ill," with Carolyn luckily becoming ill WHILE STAYING at Tris's. Not to mention Marj's problems, though I hasten to add she'd made me feel good by saying I would NEVER be responsible for her "final care" as I had been for Pope's. Not to mention that I was tackling the "LAST" item on my do-desk and wondering what I'd do AFTER that, though I did bring up watching my old VHS-recorded movies, or even getting a book to read from the library. I was conscious of the time RIGHT TO THE END, leaving at 5:32 by my watch.

Continuation of WEDNESDAY, 9/9/09: Finish Sharon's page, woefully inadequate for all that I spouted in those 45 minutes, now at 7:37PM, hungry for dinner before Marj calls. Heat up my shrimp in hoisin sauce and finish eating it just as Marj calls about 8:15, saying that she's annoyed it's taken so long for Obama to make his way through the Senate chamber for his health-care message to Congress. I thank her, saying I wanted to hear this speech, and suggest I turn on Channel 13 and watch it with her. Turn it on as he's trying to quiet the audience so he can begin, and she decides to call me when it's over. He starts his speech about 8:20 and it's wonderful: calm, addressing every point, criticizing the enemies of the bill for deliberately lying about it. The cameras start showing the Republicans, oddly on the left, immune to his charm and logic, obviously completely disagreeing with every word he utters. One man has a sign reading "What bill?" on his lap. Others hold up some kind of flyer or handout, whose meaning they assume will be obvious to their watching followers, but has no meaning for me or Marj. He talks through the magical time of 9:09PM on 9/9/09 and ends about 9:15. Barbara calls during the speech to say she'll be at the Games Group on Sunday. The Republicans reply weakly, still insisting that people who HAVE protection now are in danger of having it taken away, something Obama EXPLICITLY said would not happen. Marj calls back and talks to about 10:05. I go back to the dining table and sort through the mail I got this afternoon, doing two AARP puzzles, and then get to bed at 11:32PM after lotioning feet so much that later I put socks on to protect the sheets.

THURSDAY, 9/10/09: Pee at 2:42AM. At 6:02 I pee and type nightmare. I jot the following note: it's impossible NOT to think of "waking from a nightmare" as a "solution" to my body getting older, heavier, less flexible, more tired, more spotted and blemished and sore and borken down---and WAKING from the "nightmare" of THIS LIFE into---some glorious light-filled existence, NEW in body and mind!! 6:35AM I note: "There's a helluva lot better world next door, let's GO!" for looking up on the Internet for a source. Turns out to be e. e. cummings slightly misquoted. His quote is: "There's a hell of a lot better universe next door, let's go." GREAT. 7:45 and 7:50AM pee; put powder on pubes. Try Actualism at 8:05AM to get back to sleep and wake at 9:03AM with a SECOND dream that I get up to transcribe on my desktop, finishing now at 9:35AM. Call Tris about Carolyn but can only leave a message. Play Spider 9:37-10:27, AGAIN getting highs at 50.77205 at 294 up after 3 wins. Breakfast and work on TRAVEL files until I call Marj, who reduces her demand to $200. Work on files and relax with Taipei 12:15-2:50. Lunch, then proof and send three short pieces on TRAVEL at 5:02PM, and continue working on TRAVELS, significantly longer, and send THAT off at 8:03, feeling so virtuous that I ALSO send off ATLANTC. Then have dinner while watching "Inauguration of the Pleasure Dome," even crazier and less sexy than I remember, but it follows up with GREAT porn that I haven't seen in AGES, which makes it very stimulating, so I actually have an orgasm over it in about an hour. Get to bed at 12:15AM and it dawns on me that I haven't FINISHED PROOFING ATLANTC yet, so I dash off another e-mail to Tris to ignore the file. Back to bed at 12:40AM.

FRIDAY, 9/11/09: Pee at 6:28 and type dream to 6:42. Up at 9:15AM, having missed looking at the clock at 9:11 on 9/11. Decide to work on PLAYS so I won't have "nothing" left on my do-stack, and decide to make my lists easier by using Print Screen to print out most of the PLAYS titles. Marj calls at 11AM and tells me how to print ENTIRE DIRECTORIES by putting the cursor on "Parent" and hitting Shift-F7! It WORKS! Tell her I'm working on my plays, and she's very encouraging. Arrange for me to be at her place at 6:30PM tomorrow to come up and give her $200 and the envelope stuff. Compare various DIRECTOR files until lunch, leave another word with Tris, Do Spider 4:30-5:30 to YET AGAIN A HIGH (of course this can't keep up, more's the pity) of 50.77706 at 296 up after 3 wins, then relax with Taipei to 8:20: it's easy to tell when I've had enough: I just don't care when I don't clear all the tiles away. Prepare an unusually early dinner, though it's filling enough with the pinwheel snack afterward that I still feel slightly full when I get to bed. Watch "Altered States," again not quite as good as I remember it being---another one NOT to persuade Rita to watch while she's here. She called today, asking about various details, and when reading the Times Saturday morning I think I might buy us two (cheap) tickets to the Craig-Jackman play! Charles also called, and I could tell him that Tris called this morning to say that Carolyn was recovering: the brain hemorrhage had "been absorbed" so the synapses could operate normally, and she'll be going to a Park Slope rehabilitation center to get 24-hour care for the next week or so. Bed at 11:18PM, continuing to lotion up my feet and put them into socks before I go to bed, though there's an uncomfortable spot on the bottom of my left foot which may be CAUSED by this.

SATURDAY, 9/12/09: Pee at 5:44 and get up at 8:43. Get the Times and "instantly" do the Saturday puzzle by about 10:20AM. Call Steve about seating on the northward flight, wonder about the parade across the Brooklyn Bridge, and take the bedclothes off to take them to the laundry. Trim my beard, put pills into the pillbox, and then have breakfast while reading the Book Review. Unusual noises from Cadman Plaza Park lead me to look out the balcony to see tents and crowds and loudspeakers blaring in the park, so I dress and go down to find it's the A&E Recovery Rally: at first I thought it was for ECONOMIC recovery, but then signs and speeches make it clear that it's DRUG AND ALCOHOL recovery they're talking about. Great introduction for Smokey Robinson, I guess the best name they could get, and I come back about 11:45AM to decide I have to catch up with my journal to REALLY fill out my duty-filled day. Finish this at 12:15, printing out pages. Then think to write the following topic:


Trying to do an Actualism session after a particularly strange dream about aliens, and I made a "connection" I never made before: could this ethereal, eternal, cosmic, Being of Light that Actualism encourages us to unify and gain strength from BE AN ALIEN? It would make sense: this entity without a body wants to gain knowledge of the Earth without interfering, without being ABLE to interfere. And finds someone like Russell to teach that we ALL have "something higher" that we can unify with, get strength from, get wisdom from. It would also "connect" with my often-stated feeling that I read books, gain experience, under go trials and ecstasies, in order to transmit these feelings OUTSIDE MYSELF to---well, an alien---someTHING else, some higher power who wants to "get as close as possible to the human experience without BEING a human." It would explain a lot of "other-earthly dreams," also. And people's feelings of BEING special by being introduced to these "esoteric" teachings, and visualizing "angelic" realms of perfection, or maybe even including some level of other-worldness that might correspond to something like the "archetypal." Felt inclinced to call Bernice---and I DO, now at 12:23PM, and she's on the phone with ALICE and will call me back. I merely introduced myself by saying, "I've been thinking about you," and she said, "BOB! I'll call you right back!" I try to think of something to add to the above: it seems "worth more words," but I can't think what they might be, and anyway I'll print out this page.

Continuation of SATURDAY, 9/12. I guess I can go back to reading the Times until Bernice calls back. She talks MUCH too long about trivia, like "America's First River," and invites me to the next session, which I decline. Do the two puzzles in the magazine fairly quickly, look at some more files to send to Tris, and the time passes with going to the gym and getting the stuff together for Marj at 6:30 and get out in a light drizzle to the A train, which announces an unintelligible message that makes me fear we're stopping at 6th Avenue rather than 8th Avenue, but we stop at 8th, where there's a LONG walk down to Marj's apartment at the "bend" of West 12th Street. It actually looks, by map, as close as makes no difference, to be the SAME distance between the 8th Avenue 14th Street exit and Marj's as between Marj's and the 7th Avenue 12th Street IRT entrance. Get to her place at 6:40, and it's not really as bad as she'd "painted," though the worst part is that it DOES need painting: huge flakes of white paint are just hanging off the wall above her bed. But the stacks are neat, and it IS easier to look out at her view than to investigate the details of her room. She meticulously records SOMETHING about the D'Ag bag she gives me to put my wet umbrella into. She's delighted about the cash, and I get out about 6:56PM. Longer walk than I expected to the Beard, but still get there about 7:05PM, before Ken, pleased to see it's not very crowded at all. No tables 1, 2, or 3, and the table is entertaining, but Ken takes an instant dislike to the guy sitting next to him and HOLLERS at him when he (rather silently) accuses Ken of being stupid. Get a card from Lynda at the Brooklyn Technical Institute, which might serve culinary meals, but it turns out they're redecorating and won't be serving again until 2010. Back to feel that I've had too much wine, take two aspirin and force myself to drink a lot of water with my night pills and get to bed after 11PM, but get up because I can't sleep and jerk off in AGONY from 11:53-12:30AM, after putting Vicks up my nose and lotion on my feet and getting to bed at 1AM Sunday.

SUNDAY, 9/13/09: Wake at 8:16, feeling slightly hung over, bring in the Times, pee, and take two aspirin and more water, and get back into bed. Sleep more and out of bed at 10:08AM. Can't resist an early-morning Spider from 10:15-10:40, getting another high of 50.77956 at 297 up after 2 wins. Have breakfast while reading the Times, but don't have time to finish, what with talking on the phone and doing miscellaneous chores, before leaving for the Games Group at 1:05PM. Get there FIRST just on the dot of 2PM, Piri just finishing lunch, and we start with Boggle and go to Charades, Diane coming in late and joining our side to help us lose, with me and her and Barbara and Mark against Piri and Alexa and Caesar. Leave about 6:30, surprisingly late, everyone still sitting talking about various TV shows. I get home and feel TIRED, so I lay down for a bit, then get up to do an unrecorded few rounds of Taipei, have dinner while watching "300" on TV, which it turns out I probably HADN'T seen before, almost dozing off at the end, feeling AGAIN as if I've had too much to drink, but have started putting THREE ice cubes in my tumbler of wine, but I did finish up with two lovely servings of liqueurs, finishing off the apricot brandy. Bed at 10:38PM.

MONDAY, 9/14/09: Pee at 3:25AM and jot notes from dreams. Up again at 6:43 to pee and type multiple dreams to 7:02AM. The sun's already been up for about twenty minutes, VERY bright in the east STILL well north enough so that I can see it, but I'm sure it'll be gone by the time Rita's sleeping here after mid-October. Back to bed and up at 9:20AM. Have breakfast and decide to get to proofreading the old ASME index against the published Catalog. But I go to OLDDRI~1 and there's no C6!! PANIC!! Finally go to EDGE and find it there, but when I try hitting CINDEX and bringing in the index, it says it's INCOMPATIBLE! MORE panic!! Finally display g:\olddri~1\c6 files and HIT any of the index.ndx entries and it APPEARS in Cindex! This takes from 10:30-11:30, and I'm so relieved that I phone Spartacus to complain about it until 12:15, and then return to proofread the stuff AND FORGET TO LOG OUT, but estimate that it was from 12:15-1PM. Then start asking Charles and Steve and Spartacus if they want me to get THEM tickets with me and Rita for "A Steady Rain" and "The God of Carnage," and then research NEWISLANDFESTIVAL for details about the 400th anniversary celebrations of the Hudson River discovery on Governor's Island. Then do a disappointing Spider from 1:55-4:15, falling down to 50.77899 at 297 up after 4 wins, jolting into awareness of the TIME, and that I have an appointment with SHARON at 4:45! Gulp down a thankfully small lunch and get to her just before time.

SHARON B. 110 9/14/09

Stopped Spider JUST at the time I had to look at the clock and see it was 4:15 and I should be at Sharon's at 4:45! Quick lunch, putting on watch and shirt and shoes as I ate, and got there a few minutes early, as planned, even though the elevator took a ridiculously long time. Started by saying that Rita only said she was coming the day AFTER my session before, so I couldn't have told Sharon about it before LAST week. Said that I was going to go to the Broadway box offices of two shows and buy the cheapest seats available. But that I was NOT going to go to Governor's Island for the celebration there: it was too expensive with the meal, no one wanted to go with me, and I didn't want another OBLIGATION: felt that I had too MANY obligations: slides on Wednesday, the index this week, the trip next week, my sister the week after I got back from the trip. Just too much being DEMANDED of me! Got SO annoyed: at the election phone calls, the index system not working because I moved the program to another hard drive, with Marj thanking me for bringing her the cash, with Bernice for "having the nerve" (I said, smiling) to talk about what SHE was interested in, rather than talking about what I was interested in. How did I feel about all these? I felt ANGRY. Maybe I was feeling TOO angry about TOO many things, or I couldn't properly express my anger to the RIGHT person: felt that Marj was RIGHT to ask a favor of me, knowing it would be easy for me to do it; never talked to a PERSON at Verizon, so I couldn't get angry with ANYONE! Couldn't get angry with Marj and Bernice talking too long, because I called THEM usually. Lacking the chance to get angry with THEM maybe made me get angry with ME about things I couldn't DO anything about: feeling angry with myself for not being able to walk tirelessly as long as I could years ago; feeling angry with myself for wanting to lie down after coming back from a mentally stimulating Games Group; feeling angry with myself for feeling IRRITATED so much of the time: maybe I wasn't letting my anger ALL out, there was a tail of bitterness left that seethed within me. Sharon took me back to my childhood, having to listen to my mother telling me what to do without being able to get angry with her; reminding myself that I NEVER heard my father get angry: he had to treat the same woman (his wife, my mother) with the same non-angry methods I had to adapt to deal with her. Then remembered my "breakdown" in the second grade: screaming, tearing pages out of my notebooks, scratching out my work, writing "F" at the top of papers; having the nun talk kindly to me in the hall about why this had happened. I hadn't known at the time, but maybe it was the only way I could let out my ANGER, which Sharon expressed as "stepping on them," in an OK way: I'd even chosen the sympathetic nun to do this with. Sharon had asked me why I had to go to such EXTREMES: why couldn't I just do things step by step; I countered that EVERYTHING had ALWAYS gone right with me in the early years in New York, and with travels, and even with sex and lovers, so that when NOTHING went right in later years, I had REASON to feel bad about it, ANGRY that it didn't do what I wanted it to do, whatever "it" was: energy, walking speed, mental stamina. She said maybe I could let more anger out with her, and I laughed at how happy I was that the "anger therapy" of the past: screaming "I hate," punching pillows, screaming against the world---was now out of fashion. She laughed and said she never liked it either; looking around in mock seriousness for a pillow that I could punch. She'd actually gotten a water cooler that COOLED the water, and I had a nice drink to sooth my throat, which was, as usual, VERY hoarse as I talked about these things with her. Then she said she'd see me on Wednesday, when I gave the slides, then the Wednesday after that before my trip, and then after two weeks. I said maybe the nice weather was making people irritable; and it WAS a perfect day out when I left.

Continuation of MONDAY, 9/14/09: Finish typing my "report" at 5:58, ready for a nice session of Taipei. Do that from 6-9:15, and then have dinner while trying to find something interesting to watch on TV, passing up "Golden Girls" to watch a few episodes of "The Family Guy" on Adult Swim, rather sophomorically naughty. Get to bed at 12:05AM, but VERY annoyed with Virgin for seeming to say I STILL haven't "topped up" over my already-too-high $199 balance. Get out of bed to "handle it," seeming to have to do it MYSELF for the first time with a new credit card, which I VAGUELY remember having been told the LAST time I went through this agony with them. Finally satisfy myself with that at 12:35AM, as well as "proving" that my Blockbuster two-week free trial started 9/3, so I can cancel as late as Wednesday, by which time I will have hopefully gotten "Beefcake" and can watch and return it in one day. Then so wired that I play Spider from 12:35-1:45AM, getting to a NEW HIGH of 50.78399 at 299 up (resisting a tiny impulse to play to more than 300 up) after 3 wins. Pee again, do the feet again, and get to bed at 2AM, relaxed enough to sleep easily.