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2012

crossword, amusing with 21 locations "around the world" that start and end in "A," from 9:10-10:15AM. Back to the acrostic, but Marj calls to talk about nothing from 11-11:53AM, and I finally finish the acrostic with help from Google to tell me that the O'Connor book starting "Mystery" is "Mystery and Manners," quotes from which on Google do NOT include the one about the peacock in the quote, but I'm amused at having to change my first guess of "popcorn" to "peacock," and learning the first time of the word "opsimath," an old one who learns, rather self-referential, I'll here note. Try to phone Marj, but all four times it rings once or twice, then goes into a rapid-beat busy signal---maybe a manifestation of the problem she talked about with her intercom. Catch up with this, my hunger for breakfast almost past, at 12:34PM. Have it, with the Times, and then do Spider 1:45-4PM to 51.72631 at 986 up after 3 wins, BAD! May talk with Tris today, too. Talk long on the phone with Ken, trying to help him with complaining about the fumes in his apartment and with his testifying at the trial of his judge-friend, and then go to the gym, avoiding the leg press, the bandage becoming transparent under the shower water. Home at 6:30 and start a marathon of the first five episodes of "Game of Thrones," getting connections that I'd missed before, and get to bed at 12:05AM.

SUNDAY, 7/15/12: 3:39AM: Pee, weigh 197# at 75°. 7:01AM: Get Times, pee-read to 7:20, type DREAMS:7/15/12, FUAS to 7:55AM, followed by a lie-flat to 8AM, thinking maybe I AM recovering from low blood pressure. Up to check anti-reflux medication as Prilosec to 8:08AM, and that there's nothing of interest on Audience Extras by 8:16AM. Watch another five "Game of Thrones" episodes, finishing the first season, to 1:15, while having breakfast and the last of the rotting strawberries. Read the Times to 2:30PM, water the plants, play Spider 2:45-4PM, OH so slow to 51.72763 at 987 up after 3 wins, and then catch up with this by 4:12PM, ready for lunch of the oldest ear of corn. Through episodes 11-13 of "Game of Thrones" to 7:35, back to Spider 7:40-9:30, again long to 51.72872 at 988 up after 2 wins, eat more, watch episodes 14-15 of "Game of Thrones" to 11:40PM, weigh 198# and to bed at 11:53PM.

MONDAY, 7/16/12: 3:35AM: Pee, weigh 197# at 71°. 5:33AM: Pee. 6:41: Pee and type DREAMS:7/16/12. Pee again at 8:44AM, weighing 196#, and FUAS to 9:22AM, then rest to 9:24AM. Shit-read to 9:45AM, weighing 194#, I think. Watch the end of "Game of Thrones," episodes 16-20, with breakfast, an orange, and the last of the cherries. Continue with "Newsroom" and "Episodes" and "In Time," an odd "time-is-money" movie. Then Spider 6:35-7:35PM, better, to 51.75177 at 991 up after 4 wins, continuing with Taipei, winning MOST, 7:35-8:45PM, and catch up with this by 8:50PM, ready for a steak dinner and more TV. Totally crazy "Sucker Punch" with mini-skirted girls as war-games killers is followed by quite beautiful "The Tsunami and the Cherry Blossoms." Bed 12:05AM, then up to look for JOYI note of 72=7-1\2, and 13=1-1\3, but can't find it to 12:20AM
and back to bed.

TUESDAY, 7/17/12: Pee at 2:54AM. 5:46AM: Pee and type DREAMS:7/17/12, weighing 195#, but thinking for the dozenth time to buy a digital scale. FUAS 7:11-7:31AM, lie to 7:39, and pee-read to 7:53AM. Breakfast, starting one of the everlasting Queen Elizabeth specials, and stop at 9:05AM to start preparing for Rick Fink at 10AM. Leave for the gym at 9:20, stopping at office to schedule exterminator for Thursday after about 8:30AM, mailing my Visa check, and leaving my Visa for my next year's $715 membership. Try a stand-up cardio machine for fifteen minutes between 9:40 and 9:55AM, watching Rick put his prior client through his paces. He comes to me at 10AM and takes me through five leg machines and five upper-body (mostly arms) mostly free weights, which he coaches me through, toward the end with his highest praise: not too shabby. He goes a few minutes after 11AM, and I'm reeling with postural hypotension from getting down and up off the floor mat for two arm maneuvers. Dynamite body appears briefly at the sinks and then vanishes like an apparition. Steam door is propped open when the attendant asks if I want it, which I do "If it's not too much trouble," but he puts it out of operation right after I leave. Up to the desk for Craig to direct me to the office where the woman sits at 11:55AM, saying I'd really had a long workout. Sure did! Get yesterday's mail canceling one of my old credit cards---maybe with American Airlines miles unused on it. Tough. Have the end of the chicken for lunch while watching more about Queen Elizabeth, then, still slightly woozy, to Spider 2:30-4PM, poor, to 51.73137 to 990 up after 2 wins. Finally take the last bandage off my thigh; the wound is really quite small. Move things around on desk and determine to get back to WEB50s at 4:15, ending up cataloging AR\NEW.DOC and page-book N1, lots of odds and ends, at the end at 8:45PM deciding that my early "Ambrose Bierce," "Alice," and "Bell Book," are only in print, not on files. Temperature still a whopping 89° out, making a large number of days when one or the other air conditioner is on when I'm in the area, even through the night. Sift through Crackle, uncut and unedited and free, but they DON'T say they're interrupted with ADS! Watch "Lovecraft: Fear of the Unknown" in an odd Wyrd Production that includes the weird Caitlyn Kiernan (self-described as a "transsexual, lesbian, and atheist" on her blog), and the fact that he lived at 169 Clinton for some years when he was married. Watch "Futurama" episodes through the day. Bed at 1:02AM, but get up to Google Caitlyn Kiernan to 1:17AM.

WEDNESDAY, 7/18/12: Pee at 6:44AM and weigh 195! FUAS 8:35-9:05, lie to 9:10, and shit-read to 9:26AM. Check blindstogo, not helpful: closest store out in Queens; nothing on Audience Extras, and look at e-mail to 9:46AM. Breakfast with two "Futurama" episodes and get out at 10:45 to buy CVS's generic Prilosec, with six cans of tuna in oil for 88¢ each. Closeout Connection has a digital scale that I buy for $16.32, and lug it past 169 Clinton Street, a large, flaking house on the corner of State Street. Home to find, after much trial and error, and almost despair, that there's a switch in the battery compartment of the scale that turns it on to kilograms or pounds, and I find, at noon, that I weigh 199.4, which rather agrees with my suspicions that my analog scale was recording low. NOW I have something to DEPEND on. Play Spider 12:05-1:25PM, passable to 51.73269 at 991 up after 3 wins. Then start typing this, taking about half an hour out to look through "Lovecraft at Last," which is thankfully in the front rank of books behind the mirrors. Finish with this at 2:45PM, air conditioner running at 75° while the black clouds pile up in the north toward the predicted thundershowers this afternoon, so I'm glad I got out to take care of things I wanted to buy for a number of days now. Desk still a mess the website pages, and there have been many STRANGE boats on the East River, just now a rainbow-colored tour boat just tootled by, different from the tiny private motorboats and the impersonal, enormous, low-lying freighter bodies pushed or pulled by tugboats. Unfortunately, I STILL don't particularly feel like doing anything productive on the website, but I print another page of this at 2:47PM. [Find I'd mis-recorded Taipei date!] Then just indulge in Taipei 2:50-3:50PM, watching the rainclouds move in from the northwest, lightning, with temperature starting at 89° at 3:52PM and going down to 76° by 4:25PM as the rain starts and umbrellas appear below. Watch more "Futurama" with an ear of corn, then start a tuna casserole that I actually skim the top off and eat after 40 minutes cooking time. Temperature dips to 74°, I watch the fog move in as the rain stops, go down for the mail and scan a new New Yorker and Scientific American, and back to Spider 8:20-9:40, oh so slow, to 51.73414 at 992 up after 3 wins, and continue with Taipei 9:40-11:30PM, just plain old wasting time without doing anything productive. Weigh 200.0 (determining that the new ".X" format in the "XXX.X" weight will substitute for the # sign---well, no, reconsider that the # makes a great search character) before bed at 11:44PM.

THURSDAY, 7/19/12: 7:04AM: Type DREAMS:7/19/12 and pee. 194.2# FUAS 7:10-7:57AM; lie to 8:04AM. Up to dress and check spaces for the exterminator, due after 8:30AM, and still not here as I type this at 8:37AM, and at THIS moment get a call from Ron saying that the exterminator is on his way up. 8:44AM: new guy and new technique: he asks where I've seen roaches, moves the microwave out and says he sees where they were. He doesn't spray, but puts down earplug-colored dots of poison, saying that I should "wipe down" all the areas in which they've been, avoiding the dots, including the "excretions" on the bottom shelf of my dish cabinet above the sink, but not above or below the pill area at all. Then he'll check back in two weeks, "or just ask the Saturday guy," saying in either case I should sign up with management. He said they were quite localized and I should be rid of them quickly. Had lain in bed this morning thinking of my summation session with Sharon this afternoon: life has settled into a not-unpleasant routine (yet not super happy) of website dealing when I'm not indulging in computer games. No response from either Ken or Steve on my e-mail of a proposed trip to the Arab states of Kuwait, Oman, Qatar, and Bahrain, as well as all seven emirates in United Arab Emirates. This increases my immediate "bucket list" to five: good country-count increases for 1) Arab states, 2) west Africa, and 3) Caribbean trip, and three or more locations in ever-visitable 4) India and 5) China. Think also of the POSSIBILITY of every-other-day visits to the gym for Rick's recommended "three times a week for cardio, twice a week for exercises," reducing showers to "once over" rather than "twice over" for essentially twice the number of visits, and even eschewing the steam room for cardio days, which should reduce those to an hour a day. More maintenance than I'd wish, but seemingly necessary. Note also, sadly, that sex drive (physically, anyway) has simply vanished. Now that NOTEBOOK is up to date, I'll go to Spider at 8:53AM before calling Mildred. That goes SLOOOOOWLY to 10:25AM at 51.73534 at 993 up after 4 wins. Then leave message with Mildred, and think to leave a message with Spartacus, but he picks up, then hangs up to go to the bathroom, calling me back at 10:32AM about Travelzoo's offer of Alfama, and talking about NOTHING to 11:13AM! Mildred's not called back yet; Spartacus said that "the old me" would have waited until MONDAY to check to see if she's joining me on Tuesday. Mildred calls while I'm eating breakfast at 11:50AM and I ask to call her back, and she agrees. Call her at 12:05PM and get her machine! She calls me at 12:30PM to say she was putting on her "skin barrier" for her colostomy bag. Oh. Then she SCREAMS that she MUST pay HER bill with HER credit card. What a TOTAL PAIN, yet I WANT to have company while enjoying (yes?) the meal. Ha! 2:15PM: TOTAL waste: tried printing the Travelzoo voucher and even went to TROUBLESHOOTER, which at last gave me the clue: a USB port! OH, I have to plug it IN! Complain about my mind to Spartacus, who tells me to put a NOTE on the printer: Is it plugged in? Which I DO! With total disgust I return to Spider 2:15-3:55PM, noting 6 losses at 3:15PM, and leave it on the screen for some reason that I can't remember. Pass time, probably watching "Futurama" episodes---of COURSE: I go to SHARON at 4:15!!! So I left Spider for THAT reason! Leave Sharon at 5:16PM to meet Mildred a few seconds after 6PM at the cute but small window table looking out over a 2xIst underwear model that she let me look at. The starting paté is good, the steak (enormous and toughish, with good sauce) and frites (mediocre, needing catsup to improve) were worth the value. Mildred insisted, despite my saying it wasn't true, that the meal included TWO glasses of wine, so she ordered a red and was incensed when they charged her $8 for it, just BARELY admitting that, indeed, I was right. When we get the bill she SCREAMS that she will NOT pay for MY portion of the tax---what this means I really never understood. She calculated, somehow, and came up with the figure of $34, which she communicated to the puzzled waitress, and got a Visa slip that said it paid the whatever bill and left $13 and change for the tip. She left that rather chintzy (on a regular bill of $119+) tip, did some more arcane calculations, and handed me $5. So I ended up paying $44 and SHE ended up paying $39 and SHE had the $10 (including tax and tip) glass of wine---and she thinks we SPLIT the bill????? At least I reminded her of her Tuesday visit with me to Mount Sinai, and she said I should call her at 9AM to again remind her. Home to watch two Nova episodes I think I'd already seen, and get BACK to the left Spider SOME TIME, and finish at 11:07PM, disgusted, at 51.72305 at 987 up (down SIX from prior time!) after 4 wins. Bed 11:53PM.

SHARON B. 219 7/19/12

She's talking in the other office when I enter, and I start by sighing about my desperation that would lead me to phone Mildred for dinner at Mon Petit Cafe, not knowing how she'd irritate me while somehow TRYING to make up with me. I simply confessed to NEEDING the companionship. Marj didn't satisfy it simply on the phone, Spartacus was too busy with his own stuff, and I didn't want to eat alone. Remarked about my TOTAL lack of sexual excitement for the past couple of weeks. Still expressed contentment with my website progress and my apartment, describing the rainstorm that really didn't hit the Heights hard. She praised my getting the digital scale, starting omeprazole (which she's been taking for years, and her reflux comes back when she stops it for just one day), and immediately going to see what H.P. Lovecraft's former abode on 169 Clinton Street looks like (like one of his stories, I report). Probably said some other stuff, but since it's now Sunday 11AM I have no interest in reporting more fully.

FRIDAY, 7/20/12: 12:04PM: I haven't managed to get to sleep and think to get up and j/o. Good feeling at plateau, but though I THINK I came, there was absolutely NO fluid from the tip as I sat and watched TV, which for some reason wasn't recorded in History on my DVR, though I don't think it was "Futurama," so it might have been "live" TV, or it wasn't recorded as History because I didn't delete it---though there IS a Delete section. Anyway, I watched TV to 2:40AM, weighing 202.6#. Pee at 9:09AM, weighing 201.2#. 9:55AM: Shit-read to 10:07, still exactly 201.2. FUAS to 10:35AM, lie to 10:43, VERY depressed. Test scale: NUDE, with teeth and glasses: 200.6; with shorts, socks, jeans, and T-shirt 202.8, so CLOTHES weigh 2.2#. Spider 10:45AM-12:10PM, UGH, to 51.72618 at 989 up after 4 wins. Breakfast to 1:05PM, having called Marj to start "Crash," and she can't talk but will call me back at 5PM, she says. Play Taipei 1:05-2:05PM, winning many. Checked Audience Extras and in desperation to do SOMETHING, got a ticket to "Tiny Bubbles" on Saturday. Then, biting the bullet, got to the gym to go through my new routine 2:37-3:29PM, just under an hour without warm-up and even without final stretches, feeling slightly hypotensed after mat work. Back to finish the tuna casserole for lunch before leaving for "Prometheus" at 6PM, ticket line delaying my entrance to the theater until after the previews have started, and then discover that I should have gotten my glasses when I got my ticket! Complain to a manager-type and HE goes to get them for me. Lots of VERY silly previews, including "Life of Pi" that they show TWICE, and NO ONE in the audience groans! Movie itself isn't bad, some good Giger-inspired sets, but I don't identify Guy Pearce as the aged doctor until the final credits. And Michael Fassbender sure is sexy even with his clothes on! Charlize Theron is a stick, sadly, and I'm just as happy it really isn't TERRIBLY yucky. But not in a league with "Alien" at all; Ridley Scott just couldn't do it again. It's over at 10PM, not having started until 7:03PM, way after its 6:35PM "curtain time." Don't even bother sitting through the credits. Get a Great Wall egg foo yung and have the first one, and think to go to bed, but can't dream of going to bed so soon after eating, so I go to Solitaire 10:45PM to midnight. Bed 12:18AM.

SATURDAY, 7/21/12: Up 6:58AM, get Times, shit-read to 7:24AM, weigh 201.6#. Type DREAMS:7/21/12 to 7:29AM and lie for a bit, then FUAS 7:54-8:13AM, and lie to 8:16AM. Before breakfast I weigh 202.8, and after 204.6, so my typical breakfast bowl weighs 1.8#! Try the cryptic crossword 8:50-9:07AM but can't really get started, so I go to the crossword to 10:03AM and return to start with Pope's SpellMaster, getting "heinous" and "testament" to help me out. Read EB article on Freud but it still doesn't help with one of the eight remaining unsolved bits. Finish trying at 12:08PM, having another egg foo yung while watching TV. Phone Avi for his missed birthday, since he left me a message yesterday complaining about it, and have a nice long talk; he's still in touch with Joe Easter, who's having trouble with his dentures. At 3:20 I sift through books to get a want-list from the library, find that it's open to 5PM from the website when my card hadn't been updated from 3PM months ago, and go to the library to select five books, find my card needs to be renewed, and now check out books MYSELF on a new machine! Back to start reading Edmund White's "Hotel de Dream," interesting but not compelling, so when I start falling asleep about 1/3 through I go to Spider 5:45-6:55PM, OK to 51.7328 at 991 up after 5 wins. Then subway to 50th and walk to 52nd and almost 11th Avenue for the EST building and Rick Willett's "Tiny Bubbles," good enough, but he's busy talking with others, looks quite old, so I don't bother to compliment him on his constant output. So struck with the bright-eyed handsomeness of the ticket hunk that I almost fantasized seeing it again! Talk with who I THINK was the lead on the way out, but I wasn't SURE, and then kick myself because I simply didn't ASK him if he was or not. I'm SO dumb! Back at 10:35PM, determined to get to sleep without eating dinner, weighing 201.0#, and get to bed at 11:05PM.

SUNDAY, 7/22/12: 1:11AM: Pee and type DREAMS:7/22/12, weighing 200.2#. Type to 1:21AM. 5AM: Type another dream and pee, weighing 199.6#, even after eight gulps of water. 68°. FUAS 5:31-5:51AM, lie to 5:58 and up, energized. Make a list of six things to do. Breakfast and read Times to 7:45AM, watch an episode of "Fawlty Towers," and get to bed at 7:45AM, feeling AWFUL from lack of sleep. Up to shit-read 8:48-9:07AM, still feeling off. Up at 9:48AM, calculating that I'd spend 8:37 in bed. Put some things away and start on my list for the day: 1) AMC survey to 10:30AM, KNOWING that I'm going to get junk from it, irritated they have the nerve of charging $1/month for their card which gets you the next-larger size of whatever junk you buy! 2) Enroll for the unitedstages ticket-discount site to 10:35AM. 3) Finally finish Sharon's session, having to catch up to that first, by 11:15, energy flagging. 4) Get to this point at 12:19PM, still leaving Cardio to do at gym and plant watering. Feel rather poor as I head toward Spider. At least I filled the puzzle in with "superego" for the Freudian concept. Then go through all the books I wanted to read and update the list, last done in 6/09, over three years ago, and print that out at 2:10PM. Then come back to this so I can type to the bottom of the page and print this out so I have my copy of my book-wanted list. Spider, unrecorded this morning, went from 12:20-1:20PM, barely OK to 51.73424 at 994 up aftrer 2 wins. Watch marvelous "Curse of the Golden Flower" to 4:40PM and then, true to my determination, go to the gym for a 16-minute cardio workout to 5:50PM, the whole thing in just under an hour, setting up a new "did-list" on the top of my dresser for CARDIO. Work on WEB50s from 5:55-9:35PM, feeling virtuous. Leave another message for Charles, and he calls about 8PM, saying that he's going on Wednesday to see the doctor who cancelled his operation, to see about WHEN the operation will take place. He agrees to try to make a Restaurant Week trip to Ruth's Chris on August 7. Then heat the pulled pork, good but with too many large pieces of fat for my taste, for dinner, while watching "Queen and Country" and "Episodes" before going to bed at 12:25AM.

MONDAY, 7/23/12: 7:49AM: Odd "blatt" signal, in my imagination, I guess, gets me up to pee and type DREAMS:7/23/12 to 7:58AM. I weigh 200.4# and feel sore of body---from cardio yesterday?---in back and leg and knee, and SLIGHTLY dizzy and nauseous, too. FUAS 8:28-8:48, lie to 8:58, and get up. Fuss with transcribing Neo dreams, proofing and printing them; also printing missing NN pages and also the shelf-plan list, annoyed that the printer ribbon is smearing much too early in its usage. Finish all that printing at 9:45AM, and catch up with this to 9:55AM, wondering if I'll have the energy to shop for groceries before having breakfast. Get lots for lots of money by 10:50AM, weighing 199.8#. Have breakfast to 11:30AM while finishing Edmund White's "Hotel de Dream," not that great, but with a good sentence on page 94: "---felt the key in his pocket for the third time. Its jagged teeth on one side and smooth back on the other felt like a scaled-down version of everything he's hoped for [in Elliott]." Marvelously factual and erotic all at once. Then, maddeningly, return to Spider 11:30AM-4:25PM, TOO LONG, to 51.73243 at 994 up, merely tying last time, after 5 wins. And I HAD wanted to WORK today, too! Have lunch and read, starting "Nutsack," to 7:20PM. Then, I guess determined to ENTIRELY waste the day---is this anticipation of the brain-study meeting tomorrow, about which Mildred called at 12:20PM after she started with an over-10% annuity coup from her bank, and we ended up talking about stocks I might buy from Schwab with my Keogh cash: El Paso Pipeline and Telex New Zealand---I then went to Taipei from 7:20-9:15PM, following it with Solitaire 9:15-11:15PM, after which I felt not THAT hungry and got to bed at 11:28PM, though obsessing about food "just a bit"---like INORDINATELY!

TUESDAY, 7/24/12: 12:39AM: Pee, weigh 202.6#, and type first of DREAMS:7/24/12. Pee again at 1:52AM and STILL weigh 202.6. 3:15AM: Type another dream and pee, weighing 201.4. 4:40AM: I MUST be agitating about the meeting today! Or something ELSE is going wrong!!! Pee, type another dream, and weigh 200.4. Then lie there, thinking about website, fractions, food, and on impulse get up and FINISH the cryptic crossword to 5:47AM, getting such words as "stride" without really understanding what the clue means, marveling about the clues for "educate", "Acuff", and "inanimate". And how absolutely PERFECTLY "Welcome wild evening out" produces "averaging". Decide to put the solved puzzle on the pile of stuff to take to brain-study at 11AM today. As I'd added the list of daily drugs that I'd SEARCHED and SEARCHED for yesterday, SURE there were still two copies somewhere in my piles, and finally identifying the file as EINSTEIN in MC and printing out new copies, remembering to add Omeprazole to the list this morning. THINK to 6:10AM, as I'm OBSESSING about FOOD. Pee, still 200.4#. GOT to start slide-show prep! Amazingly still weigh 200.4 after breakfast of two scrambled eggs in butter with milk and two slices of margarined toast, reading the too-highly-praised "Nutsack," noting that it might be a BIT much! This goes to 8AM, after I'd also put away all the diary pages I'd gotten out to help with the journal entries, with still the 50s to transmit to Tris. He STILL doesn't understand the problem with fractions! Then catch up with this by 8:30AM, printing out another page with blurring ribbon, and counting a now-restored ACCURATE count of TEN piles on the coffee table. Decide to SEND the 50s files to Tris! Send those 8:35-9:35AM, and then 9:35-10:05AM start on dreams. Leave for Mount Sinai at 10:10AM and make good connections with subways to get there at 10:55AM to pee before Mildred enters at 11:01AM. Helene comes out to get us, talks over the protocol with me briefly, I sign everything, Mildred leaves while Helene asks me to retell a story; answer questions of day, date, season, city, etc.; and gets a bit of history. Mildred's back, then dismissed, and Helene sends me to lunch at 12:07PM, asking me to come back by 12:30 for the next doctor's meeting. I go across for a Cubano panini, not bad for $7, and back at 12:33PM to chat with Oriental intern about my travels until Helene comes in about 1:15PM, saying my next doctor had a medical emergency and I'll have to come back NEXT Tuesday at noon. UGH! Go over with the two of them to give a blood sample, and get home about 2:30 to find the sample has left my covering gauze with a surprising amount of blood. Look at mail, and play Spider in three sections from 4:15-7:15, ending at 51.74888 at 1004 up after 7 wins, quite incredible! Then decide to put on a T-shirt before dinner, and get out a Biddle's Jazz in Montreal, a black T-shirt that, maybe, either Shelley or Carolyn gave me, and when I put it on it FIRST look like it has a slit up the right side, and I think it might be some kind of muscle shirt, but when I pull the flap aside, the whole things starts to disintegrate in my hands! I go into the kitchen and litter the floor with tiny squares of fabric that dissolve into a black soot that barely washes off the floor and off my skin! Incredible experience: at one point I think this could be a perfect murder: an infected fabric that won't wash off and poisons the body! Call Spartacus in my amazement, just wanting to SHARE this, and he's more interested in where I got it than in what's happened to the 100% cotton fabric. Watch "Vito," affecting, with dinner of hamburger, and then return to dreams from 11:20PM-1:40AM, energized, sending Tris dreams to 1979. Bed at 1:56AM!

WEDNESDAY, 7/25/12: Make note to Tris NOT to put 1979 dreams on site yet, because they're probably not finished. Pee at 6:47AM, still 200.2# as last night. Up at 9:48AM, shit-read to 10:02, weighing a lowest on the digital scale of 198.0#! Type DREAMS:7/25/12 to 10:11AM. Breakfast of half a high-calorie, high-fat, high-sodium quiche while reading more Nutcase, and call Marj at 11:10AM to tell her I got her envelope on Tuesday, and she launches into a terrible saga of her sister's discovery that their long-term storage facility has LEAKED, causing MOLD to destroy stuffed animals, furniture, albums, and practically everything from their treasured past that the sister and her husband had not carried with them for nine years in their trailer. When Marj mentions the disintegrating towels, I have to tell her about MY disintegrating T-shirt yesterday! We hang up at 12:50PM, and at 12:55PM I return to dream files, editing---thinking I'd lost hours of editing before finding a file on C:, rather than in C:\AR or C:\MC---and work straight through to 7:50PM, feeling incredibly productive, and not THAT hungry for a lunch that never happens, benefiting my diet enormously. Dinner of another hamburger, finishing the too-much Leyner: “The Sugar Frosted Nutsack” and starting on both "War and War" and "Millennium People," and get to bed 11:03PM, feeling very virtuous, even though I didn't go to the gym today as I'd scheduled myself to do.

THURSDAY, 7/26/12: Pee at 6:37AM, weighing 199.0#. FUAS to 7:23AM, lie to 7:29. Look at Schwab to 8:03AM, offering buy El Paso Pipeline and not getting anything about Telex New Zealand; and catch NN up-to-date by 8:30AM, when I feel I can call Mildred. Can only leave word. Reminded that I phoned Spartacus yesterday about fabric disintegrating, and he reminds me of the word SIZING, which he says would NOT cause cotton to disintegrate. He's lost one of his Groupon bargains today. Decide I must save AR because I've added so much to it in the past week. It takes about two minutes. Printed page is terrible, so I change printer ribbon. Call for Schwab annuity at 8:40AM, "all representatives busy." At 8:48AM get Annuity Group number, starting 9AM, of 888-311-4887. Time for breakfast! Distribute pills to 9:05, talk to the Annuity Group to 9:15AM: they have nothing for me. Breakfast reading Ballard to 8:40AM, then Mildred calls, argues with me, and HANGS UP on me when she refuses to hear MY story about the stocks and annuity group. I get back to DREAMS, and finish AR\DREAMS.DOC to 11:30, redoing much of it for some reason. Determined then to get to the gym, much easier the second time through the new routine, since I know what to do with the machines, and get back to dreams 1:35-3:10PM, editing JV\DDREAMS, have lunch of hamburger to 3:50, and finish DDREAMS by 4:15, perfect time to leave for Sharon. Deposit my check after seeing her, and get back to go through the mail to 6:15, then to Taipei 6:15-7:30PM, winning many of them, and watch the VERY dark clouds forming to the west as I catch up with this to 7:37PM, ready for Sharon's session. The clouds REALLY get DRAMATIC with dark on the lower edges! Stop typing and watch: at 7:40PM it's 87°, but it drops to 77° as it POURS at 7:46PM, and gets down to 69° at 7:54, Wall Street invisible in rain, and at 7:57PM there's a GREAT flash of lightning and almost instant thunder. Finish a sketchy description of Sharon's session by 8:06PM, the storm mostly abated and I can open the windows again---as a streak of lightning flashes across the top of my vision! Check e-mail and look at website to 8:50PM with Tris's list of URLs to Google, which I saved to MC. Then watched two hours of Nova, both of which I'd seen before, and got to bed at 11:15PM.

SHARON B. 220 7/26/12

She comes from the hallway at 4:30 and calls me in. I start right in with Mildred hanging up on me again, and I try to make it clear that I talked about a LOT of things before she did it. Then I got into the details of Marj's and my coincidental contact with MATERIAL DISINTEGRATION! Praised myself for all my good work on the website, citing my 12:55-7:50PM yesterday, and my 11:20PM-1:40AM on Tuesday. Mentioned the fraction problem and solution. Then got into the pleasures of reading library books: she was impressed when I said I'd already finished two of the five books I got on Friday, and I praised the Ballard, whom she said her husband read, and the difficulty of "War and War" as opposed to the lunacy of (without mentioning the title) the "Sugar Frosted Nutsack." I emphasized that, when I was totally engrossed in a book, nothing else mattered: nothing to worry about, nothing to negatively anticipate, nothing ELSE that had to be done. She said I looked relaxed and happy. I didn't even bother to mention the diet except that I wasn't hungry when I worked through to 7:50PM. Said that the gym routine was working OK, though I suspected he gave me exercises that almost REQUIRED an eyes-on monitor, but I wasn't about to pay another $104 for another hour, and he hasn't returned my request for answers yet. May have talked of other things, but it was mostly patting myself on the back, telling her about some of the details of the brain study interview, and saying that this time I REALLY wasn't ready to phone Mildred back, except that I HOPED she'd talk to her therapist about it and phone me AGAIN with an apology, as she'd done once before. Leave, commenting on the heat, and now that it's almost August, it's almost over.

FRIDAY, 7/27/12: Pee at 3:08AM, weigh 199.2#, and type DREAMS:7/27/12. 3:43AM my eyes smart from the gunk inside my eyemask, so I wash my face and put on a new eyemask. 8:24AM: Shit-read to 8:51AM, weighing 198.4#. Feet up to 9:11AM, no Actualism: THINK, and up at 9:51AM, a perfect hour. Had read the New York Magazine review of "Why does the world exist?" and thought that 1) Circular IS Infinite Regress, as Actualism's "Formless Form" loops around to "Ground of Being." POINT of view: for everyone, everywhere, every time, every dimension---as well as INFINITE FRACTAL dimensions---and "directions" that haven't been THOUGHT of yet---the creator IS, at every start, middle, and end for all time-space-ALL. My website, my Zone, my ME, is MY universe and THE universe. ME, playing hide-and-go-seek, to PLEASE----ME! Note this to 10:02AM, still weighing 198.4. "I think, therefore everything IS." Only a logical extension of my former: you get what you THINK you'll get, when you die. Have breakfast while reading, and leave for the Met Museum at 11:15AM, getting to 1) China prints on China paper 12:15-1:37, giving me Shaoxing East Lake as another place to visit, though one opinion said that Hangzhou WEST Lake (which I've been to) is more famous and larger, though this has a rock-cliff charm, with a detour to 2) Chinese hardstone, some remarkable colors and carvings of amethyst, 3) lunch 1:50-2:10 of roast beef and a strawberry-banana smoothie for $14.43, and, tired, to 4) early Egyptian art 2:15-3:15, with an incredible penis-gone life-size fertility statue of Min from Predynastic period, and Google tells me that his name was later changed to Khnum, of whom I have MANY photos from my EGYPET trip, though another article says it was the word for "black," which referred to the rich, fertile blackness of the soil when washed by the Nile yearly. Too tired to continue to the Prada exhibit, to which I'll have to return before IT closes on August 19, less than a month away. Just miss a bus at 79th at 3:30, and the next one comes at 3:40; I manage to get a seat, and get home by 4:26, hot and tired. Skim "Open Water," which I'd seen before, where the man is killed by sharks and the woman drowns herself to spare a like demise; "Open Water 2," where eight people gradually die off until only a baby is rescued by a fishing boat; and "Teeth," clearly meant as a joke about a TRUE vagina dentata, with bloody crotches not very convincingly represented, with a climax as she smiles conspiratorially at the camera as she drives off with a dirty old man she's hitched a ride from. Then watch the opening of the London Olympics from 8:30-1AM, with a kicky tricky parachute of the Queen from a helicopter with 007, and 204 countries that I note, with many non-UN flags mainly from Caribbean islands, though Macedonia and Vatican City aren't represented, and Yugoslavia has broken up and vanished. Danny Boyle's smokestacks were truly stupendous, and his masses of people entertaining, but David Beckham and Paul MacCartney were overblown---which I'm sure the former actually IS. Some of the athletes had fabulously beautiful faces. Bed at 1:08AM.

SATURDAY, 7/28/12: 4:53AM: Pee and type DREAMS:7/28/12. 7:41AM: Get Times, pee, and weigh 199.8#. FUAS 8:03-8:25, lie to 8:28, and start a SAT-DO list: 1) shit-read to 8:48, weighing 198.8#, 2) find the missing "stride" clue as "sit - I" = st at 9AM, 3) finish other puzzles to 10:25, 4) clip toenails to 10:36, 5) breakfast to 11:25AM, 6) finish Times and Ballard: Millennium People by 1:30, noting two "characteristic" sentences: p.266: "A legion of nonentities were multiplying the tables of a new mathematics based on the power of zero, generating a virtual psychopathology from their shadows." p.278: "Shadows raced across the basement walls, kinetic murals in a deranged art gallery." 7) cardio 1:45-2:30 at 20 minutes, meeting Toba in elevator who lost 35 pounds and hopes to lose 30 more!, 8) stop at heat-closed library, not able to afford $100,000 to fix their broken air conditioning system, for four more books, and I start the "House of Holes" by Baker, too odd. Marj calls and repeats ENDLESSLY (was she drunk?) that she appreciated my comments on the possible destruction of her and her sister's lifetime memorabilia, but it might not be as bad as thought in her 110-minute talk before. She talks about a half an hour, and I can't wait for her to finish. 9) Dinner of the last burger, 10) finally record Mildred's rant for Sharon at 7:40, 11) add more to Sharon's session and bring this up-to-date by 9:25PM after my Min-Google and Shaoxing researches. Finally a comfortable 70° out as I shut down bedroom and move to living room for tonight's Olympics. Have the last of the pulled pork, very tasty, but weigh a lot more than I'd like when I'm finished. Phelps loses his first swimming race, many gymnastics injuries, and many, many falls and false maneuvers. Weigh 201.8# when I go to bed at 1:49AM, after one of the limpest j/o sessions between 12:15-12:45AM while waiting for the Olympics program to finish so I can watch it while speeding through commercials. Remember only at 1:58AM to get up to take simvastatin, checking that I only need a haircut at the start of September, and powdering my sticky-from-cum crotch, weighing 201.2# when I get back to bed at 2:04AM.

SUNDAY, 7/29/12: 3:50AM: Type DREAMS:7/29/12 and back to bed at 4:08AM, dizzy from bidi. Pee-read Times 8:43-8:55AM, weighing 199.4#. FUAS 11:30-11:40AM, but I can't take it any longer and shit-read to 12:08PM, weighing 198.4#. Breakfast with "House of Holes" to 1PM, finish Times to 1:45, wash dishes for another tuna casserole today, scrubbing out the pot and the inside of the microwave until 2:25PM. Then a decent Spider 2:25-4:10PM to 51.75175 at 1006 up after 3 wins, closing in on my high score from 7/2. Bring the notebook to date by 4:20PM, getting warmer and humider out. Note that I feel very ALONE this weekend: Ken called to say he's going away on Tuesday, returning only just before his birthday; Spartacus is working many days these weeks, Mildred has finally turned me off completely, Steve seems to be away, and NO ONE CALLS AT ALL! Even start neglecting to move the phone to where I'm reading or eating. Feel sorry for myself. And this seems to be the season of CHARITY calls, and I debate starting to screen my calls! Make another Jewel Box note about my "I-creator" philosophy on 7/27. Looks like thunderstorms later today, and practically every following day this week. Finish reading Nicholson Baker's "House of Holes," really a bore after a while, and notable for NOT mentioning gay-male interactions except in a stereotyped "pretty boy" way. Start on Edmund White's "City Boy," which reads very easily. Some Olympics on TV and get to bed at 11:40PM.

MONDAY, 7/30/12: 4:04AM: Pee and type DREAMS:7/30/12 to 4:11AM, weighing 199.4#. Pee at 8:08AM, weighing 198.6#. FUAS to 8:37, lie to 8:57, and then look at m4m on Craig's List to 9:42AM, almost depressed because so much seems to INSTANTLY available, and I make a note about Vlada, on 331 W. 51st Street, which has not only an active back room but also a Chicken Kiev for $18. Hope they'll even let me in! Check e-mail and Audience Extras [which leads me to check it now at 4:15PM on Tuesday, but there's nothing much there] to 10AM. Pee at 10AM and weigh 197.6#, which I note as CLEARLY wrong, but later variations of the same kind, happening consistently, allow me to record and believe it. Look at Vlada menu to 10:15AM. Spider to 1:25PM, LONG, but good to 51.75414 at 1008 up after 4 wins, almost to highest score. Then succumb to breakfast and skim through the Olympics to 2:45PM, poor Michael Phelps failing to get a medal in a race he's in. Then go to the gym to 4:35PM, actually starting to get into the SWING of some of the exercises, and get back to get a return call from Rick Fink, apologizing for taking so long to answer because he was out of town, and I now weigh 198.6#, doubtless due to all the water I drink at the gym. Sort through Netflix and get a number of movies to watch, and continue to sit and see "Six Days to Air," about the making of each South Park episode in just that time, greatly assisted by computers---and wacko writers! But none more wacko than the two creators---or rather, ONE creator and his helper, Trey Parker. Then watch the somewhat trashy "Adonis Factor," with too-built bodies and not really attractive PEOPLE. Finish skimming three hours of Olympics from Sunday night and get to bed at 11:09PM, having successfully resisted having ANY kind of third meal in the day.

TUESDAY, 7/31/12: Pee at 3:24AM, weighing 197.0#. 4:48AM: Pee and type DREAMS:7/31/12, still weighing 197.0#. Then at 8:24AM shit-read to 8:51AM, down to 195.6#, the LEAST with the new digital scale, and back to the lowest on the too-low analog scale that I wisely replaced. FU (without Actualism, I enjoyed thinking too much) to 9:14AM and lie to 9:28, still logy. Sit right down with Spider 9:30AM-12:30PM, intending only to go to 10:15AM or so before breakfast and Mount Sinai, but decide to phone Helene at 10:10AM and find that I've been EJECTED from the test because I "have no cognitive impairment!" That's good news and bad news, since I won't get to see if even my unimpaired brain STILL has plaque! But that's the way they've set up their schema. Phone Spartacus to tell him the news, saying that I was thinking of QUITTING my task as Mildred's study partner, both to pay her back for being such a bitch, and also because I don't want to be involved when there's nothing in it for me. He suggests I phone her and ask her, and I do, but she's CONTINUING to be such a bitch that I leave word with Helene to take me off, "If it wouldn't be too much of a problem." But it's not MY problem, babies! So not all that three hours on Spider was on Spider. Check e-mail to 12:35PM, with a teasing note of getting more attention on---either Facebook or the other one---WHO isn't cognitively impaired?---that leads me REINFORCE my idea to USE it as a publicity site for getting people to READ the website: like, "Oh, gee, I fear I'm being too explicit; am I going too far? Is it REALLY so much off the wall?" Rita called in the middle of all that, and then called later, on their way back from Canada, talking of fishing and "Mad Men," which Rita likes and Denny opines puts a bad light on EVERYONE in that period of time. Then, maybe as reward from the universe for my feeling lonely, Carolyn calls, proposing Friday at Coney Island followed by Chicken Kiev at---whatever the place is. Then call Marj, who clarifies that I can call her after 5PM during the week and on weekends, and we talk to 1PM. Have breakfast while watching the Olympics from last night, with the disappointing placement of the US gymnastic team, but the incredible roller coaster for the Brits of having no medal, a SILVER medal, and then a bronze, because of a misjudgement on a Japanese handstand off a pommel horse. That goes to 2:15, and then I'm back to Spider 2:15-2:45, finally getting to the highest again: 51.75652 at 1010 up after 2 wins. Follow that with many wins on Taipei from 2:45-4PM, and am catching up with the journal when Ken calls at 4:30, saying he's delaying his trip due to a "free-floating anxiety condition," and he talks to 4:50PM; I end up wishing him well. His knee is better. Then finish this at 4:55PM, ready for reading! Another clump of "War and War," ending halfway through. A bit of Olympics on TV, irritated that the events SCHEDULED are not the events SHOWN, for the most part. Then watch a surprisingly grim "Melancholia," with its bevy of unannounced stars such as Kiefer Sutherland, John Hurt, and---the older woman whose name I have to look up in "Zardoz"---Charlotte Rampling, playing a VERY disagreeable mother, and it takes a while to winkle out that Sutherland is supposed to be Gainsbrough's WIFE, who's spent a lot of money for the wedding reception of the unlikely Kirsten Dunst, a total ninny throughout, and Alexander Skarsgard. Rather surprising that, at the end, the crash of the phantom planet with them IS depicted. If only von Trier hadn't played "Tristan" QUITE so often, starting from the VERY same place. Then to Rachel Maddow, quite shrill on rehearing, preaching to the saved, interrupted from 9:30-9:36PM by spectacular fireworks PRECISELY visible north of the Verizon building and south of some tomb-like office tower, going off by my estimate in the Hudson around 42nd Street. Solitaire to pass time 9:40-10:40PM. Then more Olympics, passing over the gold won by the women's gymnastics unit, lingering over Phelps's 18th medal, a record, and getting to bed at 12:28AM.

WEDNESDAY, 8/1/12: 6:35AM: Pee and type DREAMS:8/1/12 to 6:42AM, weighing 196.0#, warm. 7:30 FU to 7:35, pee, 195.2#! Back to FUAS at 7:45-8:14, lie to 8:29, Google Prince Harry and Olympics prices (over 2000 pounds for opening!) to 9:15, weighing an astounding 194.6#! Read Hollinghurst "Stranger" to 11AM, and with breakfast to 11:30, and type this to 11:49AM, taking care NOT to go to a new page. Back to website! From 11:50AM-2:25PM I send Tris dreams through 1988. Then go to the gym for cardio, messing up the routine and doing it at a very low level (though heart rate SAYS it goes up to 140, which I don't believe) for 22 minutes, then showering and getting back home for a quick lunch of two scrambled eggs and two slices of buttered toast. Read more, then back to website from 4:50-10:20PM, sending dreams through 2006! Feel VERY good about it! Then watch Rachel Maddow with dinner of half the remaining tuna casserole and get to bed at 11:33PM, anxious about getting up at the alarm at 7:15AM, so I sleep without my earplugs for the first time in ages, very aware of the noise coming in through the open bedroom window.

THURSDAY, 8/2/12: 3:20AM: Pee and type DREAMS:8/2/12, weighing 196.4#. 5:20AM: Type another dream and pee to 5:36, still 196.4, though I drink water. 5:56AM: Obsessing on cancer and death---and test today---I decide to FUAS and get up. FUAS to 6:41AM, NOW obsessing on website navigation---tell users how to change PAGES by GIVING them the list of page titles Tris gives to Google, or website, or whatever: "How to get to June 1985 in journals from movie review in 1985." Shit-read to 6:59AM, great New Yorker article on fairy tales, weighing 195.4#. Fill prescriptions to 7:04AM for picking up this afternoon when seeing Sharon, whose number I take to Einstein in case I'll be late getting there. WANT to fill in the 1) cancer and death and 2) website navigation thoughts, but now at 7:18AM I MUST leave for Einstein! Leave apartment 7:25AM, just missing a #2 train. Onto next #2 at 7:37AM and off at 8:32AM (55 minutes). Wait for the second, uncrowded, B21 bus at 8:40, and off at 8:55 (15 minutes). Meet Dena in lobby getting coffee, and up to give urine sample at 9:03AM. Have the first set of tests, and breakfast at 10:30. Second pressure reading at 12:35PM, have lunch at 2:10PM while Dena tries to talk Dr. Chin into getting me an EARLY cardio appointment for my seemingly new atrial flutter---saying that I should search for PAST EKGs to see if I DID have it before---so Dena can see if I'm prescribed an anti-coagulant (and Mary, on Saturday, warns me to stay AWAY from Coumadin!), which would disqualify me from the Simvastatin test, since that ALSO may act as an anti-coagulant. WHAT A PAIN! I try to talk her into letting me not see a cardio doctor for six weeks, but she refuses, though when I talk to her the next day, she keeps insisting that I shouldn't be worried about it---yet SHE is! Leave at 2:32PM, wait a long time, to 2:38PM, for the B21 bus back to station, and a long time for the #2 train back, getting into my apartment at 4:05PM, get a message that turns out to have been from Sharon, and leave for Sharon at 4:15, stopping to pick up three prescriptions, and then get told to wait another five minutes, getting in at 4:45. Out at 5:30, buy $37.80 worth of groceries (saving $20.06!) at Key Food by 5:51PM. Try calling my message from HIP and go BALLISTIC over the OPERATOR who wants my name, address, and date of birth (without realizing they ALWAYS do this---I just felt PISSED, however!). Never get a call back. Go through mail, have cherries while watching Rachel Maddow from yesterday, and back to "War" at 8:40PM, stopping after only 22 pages because my eyes keep closing. Maybe do unrecorded games to stay awake, but next note has me weighing 196.0# at 11:47PM when I go to bed, but remember to TAKE NIGHT PILLS and back to bed at 11:54PM.

SHARON B. 221 8/2/12

She calls me in about 4:45, and she can't really hear the recording I made of Mildred's ranting Thursday morning call last week, and sympathizes with my sorrow that our relationship really DOES feel over. But then I counter with Carolyn's invitation to Coney Island tomorrow. I tell the tales of having "no cognitive impairment" and losing out on the brain study at Mount Sinai, and then the "atrial flutter" at Einstein for which I'm waiting for a cardio appointment, sad if I have to leave the Resveratrol study. Say I'm still pleased with all the work going into the website, and how I think to have users manually navigate the system. Mention my throat-cancer paranoia this morning, and then talk about my hoping my heart problem isn't critical. Say that my weight-loss program is going well, and at the end she says she doesn't have a client until 5:30, and that SHE was the one who called me at 2:45 to tell me to come in fifteen minutes later, but didn't leave a message. No one waits for her as I leave at 5:30. I must have talked about more during the session, but I really don't remember now at 7:40PM on Saturday.

FRIDAY, 8/3/12: 7:16AM: DESPERATELY UNHAPPY! Pee, weighing 196.0#. I'm TEARING MYSELF APART: 1) RAGE at HIP's phone regime, which I actually COPY at 8:45AM as a) call 911, b) English press 1, c) Billing questions 3, d) random surveys by mail; feedback greatly appreciated, e) monitored for quality assurance, f) "Hold for excellent service," g) give name and date of birth, h) Chin not in; but I said I wanted his OFFICE! Niki gave the message: Chin wants me to fix EKG or else I'll have to have ANOTHER one before seeing cardio. I manage to fax it to 718-797-5654 after getting message to "change cartridge" 7-8 times, finally winding the tape around the spool in the right direction. She does call back to say she's gotten it, but it's going to be 3-4 business days before the "Customer Care" group gets back to me. 2) RAGE at my HEART for LEADING to this rage! 7:47AM: Get up and DO! Look for old EKG in personal box, needing to move two sofas to get to box, and finding a) copies of LETTERS from 1959-1988 to Mom, Rita, and Bill, which I can EXTRACT for JOURNAL from that period, pre-computer, and b) Marj's old pages, which I'd filed THERE to save space in my bedroom shelves. [And forgot to tell her about it when she phoned on Saturday.] That goes to 9:40AM, weighing 195.2#. Put on air conditioner and sit down to read "War and War" from 9:45AM-12:05PM, pausing for breakfast 10:45-11AM with Rachel Maddow, and when I'm packing for Coney Island this afternoon find that I inadvertently took my EVENING pills this MORNING! AND think that I'm to meet Carolyn at 3PM, so when I get back from the gym and leave my shoes on, I'm getting ready to leave at 2:35 when I find it's 4PM that we're meeting, so I skim through more Olympics and leave at 3:30, finding long waits for both the A and the F, but get to Carroll Street at 3:55, before Carolyn who strolls down the platform at 4PM, saying we'll be there in half an hour, which I don't believe, but we DO get there by 4:35PM, have Nathan's hot dogs, mine with lovely bacon and ersatz yellow plastic-cheese for $4.95, not having any of Carolyn's ice water. Meet Nancy inside about 4:50, walk to the pier where there's not much going on, stop outside when the "Free IQ Test" guy pleads with me to be his last customer of the day so he can go home, and they are refused viewing of my testing, and it turns out to be a "Candid Camera" operation for truTV, where they get me to sign a release, give my e-mail address and date of birth, and say they'll phone to say when it'll be AIRED! A nice kick! Walk back to Grimaldi's at 5:45, where it takes a LONG time for our small pizza to be baked, and it's only middling good, though I enjoyed my $2 Brooklyn root beer. We eat three slices and I bring the other three home. Nancy calls Mary to say we'll be late to Primorski, getting there after a knee-killing walk for Carolyn at 7:15, and they agree to a $25 bottle of "semisweet" champagne, which all like, giving me $7 for their shares in cash, while I pay the $54.70 bill: the Chicken Kiev was good, though Carolyn and Nancy settled for the "Gabbage salad," which surprised me by being cole slaw! The place darkens down after 8:15 but they music doesn't start by the time we leave at 9:15, Mary volunteering to drive Carolyn to the subway station, and as we pull up alongside the Cyclone at 9:30 the fireworks start! I'm out to the edge of the Boardwalk for the good show to 9:45, and enter the 8th Street station to find them waiting on the platform for the F, which doesn't come until 10:05, getting back close to 11PM. I weigh 198.6# as I get to bed at 11:22PM, tired from the day in the hazy sun, not having gotten any color.

SATURDAY, 8/4/12: 7:07AM: Type DREAMS:8/4/12 and pee, 197.8# at 7:30AM. Get the Times and do the crossword quickly, ignoring the "fill in the two-letter pairs" difficult one after getting the first four and another. Watch TV and Marj calls at 11:05AM to "clear her desk" and talks ENDLESSLY of why she doesn't think her sister would come to clear out her apartment if she dies. We talk to 12:05PM, and I say little except the good day at Coney Island yesterday. Call Leon and the "freebie" is for the outdoor "Gimp" dance of disabled people outdoors at Lincoln Center, which I beg out of because I'd been out in the heat and humidity all day yesterday. Breakfast with the Book Review to 12:45PM, read Hollinghurst to 2:15 and my eyes close, weighing 197.4#. Then enjoy Spider 2:15-3:30PM, OK to 51.76311 at 1014 up after 5 wins. Continue with Taipei 3:30-4:15PM, winning many. Then work on website, finishing with dreams to 5/30/08 at 5:55PM. Type NN to 6:15, hungry for lunch, and search FIVE MINUTES for missing note card from this morning! Lunch-read when I have a slice of pizza, not really bad, and really filling, with a marvelous New Yorker article about a cheating marathon runner. That goes to 6:55PM and I'm starting to type Sharon's session when black smoke pours from the roof of Park Plaza Restaurant and fire engines come, and I take photos and movies of the dozens of firemen on roof dealing with what looks like a cooking-grease fire to 7:25PM. Call Spartacus to chat about it, and then back to finish this to 8:15PM, getting dark out, and cooling off at 78°. Then get to the "tasks" that have been waiting for me:

1) Transcribing Mildred's manic message on Thursday, 7/26/12, at 9:46AM: "Robert, it's Mildred, and I just want to say definitively, if your point of consulting on this kind of issue is #1, to talk a lot, and not to listen, and #2, most important, to insult Mildred, then please stop consulting me. If your point is to get information, then you have to shut your mouth, and listen, while Mildred TALKS."

2) CANCER AND DEATH: Thursday, 8/2, 5:56AM: My constant hoarseness leads me to fear that I've developed some terrible kind of esophageal cancer since the time the ENT doctor peered down my throat to see a hiatal hernia. I seem to recall that Bob Geiger died, on 5/11/89, of some kind of quick-acting throat, maybe laryngeal, cancer. Maybe I have that, and will die in six months. My mind races with thoughts of what I would do if I found I was going to die in six months: travel all I could, go to all the restaurants I wanted to, since there's no need to diet, and STOP GOING TO THE GYM! It would be, in a way, a relief, because I wouldn't have to scrimp on spending: I won't have an old age to save for! I would GO to the five or six destinations in my bucket list; I would make an effort to get EVERYTHING onto the website, just to get it ON. I really indulged in thinking about it for about half an hour.

3) WEBSITE NAVIGATION: Thursday, 8/2, 6:41AM: I could add Tris's list of pages to the Jewel Box, and organize them in site-map format, and instruct users how to insert the PAGE they want to get anywhere they want to go: if you want a June date in some year, choose the middle number of the 6-8 pages for that year. That would navigate in the FORWARD direction; going BACKWARD is always possible using the back-button! Should make a memo to Tris about this, including my discovery that all those "DIARY-page" entries are superseded by the DREAM:date, JOURNAL:date, and OTHER:date entries---EVERYTHING is now accessible by FILE and DATE. Is there a way a user could CONSTRUCT a button, consisting of FILE:DATE, and USE it?

4) "War and War," by Laszlo Krasznahorkai, notes: started 7/25/12, from BPL, with 8 chapters of 279 pages. Only error found on p.78 B: "...when he would finally had the opportunity of examining his surroundings..." p.83 M: "...the work...was a work of astonishing, foundation-shaking, cosmic genius... p.106 M: ...what we have here...is all real and genuine...an actual glimpse into the very processes of life... p.135 M: ...weak and feeble man was capable of creating a universe that far exceeded himself... p.174 M: ...the manuscript was interested in one thing only, and that was reality examined to the point of madness... p.192 T: ...roughly two hundred people...would occasionally gather to demonstrate the fact that the world was theirs, that the money was theirs... p.196-197 ...each sentence...is so complicated that, quite honestly, it becomes perfectly incomprehensible... p.200 M: ...the whole things is unreadable, insane!!! and... p.203 M: ...no Way Out, for there is only war and war everywhere... p.263 M: ...he hadn't a clue why greatness had passed from the world, how the great and noble had managed to vanish, where the exceptional, outstanding ones had gone, not the faintest idea, for how should he have a clue, the whole thing was utterly incomprehensible... p.275 M: ...curse even the light that by illuminating it exposes the fact that there are no worlds but this, that nothing else exists." At 9:15PM, finishing this, I checked the www.warandwar.com, but it's "not found," though, of course, sites about the title and book and author abound.

Stop typing and get into my "regular" life by watching TV and having an ear of corn for dinner. Watch maybe 6-7 hours of Olympics timing, scanning through most, but watching trampoline finals and some other short sections, and bed at 12:02AM, weighing 200.2#.

SUNDAY, 8/5/12: Wake at 9:44!! Pee-read Times to 10:07AM. Extraordinary! Then look at clock at 10:20 and decide to do FUAS to 10:45AM---and bring my feet down to lie to 1:30! Call Marj at 1:32PM and she recommends that I phone my emergency number, which I do, getting no answer, and finally calling the REGULAR number and getting the 195 Montague location at 2:10PM as the weekend emergency clinic. Go there, signing in at 2:22PM, feeling somewhat better, but reading New York on sex, which is NOT linear, any of it, is NOT very gratifying to me! Finally get to clinician at 3PM, who takes my temperature, does my blood, and calls for the doctor. She takes my blood pressure at 138 over 80, good, and then tells me I should go by ambulance to LICH. I say it's just down the road on Montague Street (it's not, it's down the road on ATLANTIC AVENUE!) and I can walk. No, because it's hot. "Think about it," she says, and leaves me. At 3:29PM I write the following in my New York: "Not feeling BAD, but concerned by DOCTOR'S concerns. Feeling HUNGRY. Nurse and doctor want me to go to hospital---eat and MRI, and care to PREVENT coll---" Can't read the scribbled last word. So I say I'll sign letter. They show me letter, but keep talking about how concerned they are, so I agree to LET them call ambulance. I sit until about 4, and GREAT-looking blond guy comes in, more talk, and I go down to sit in back of ambulance while second guy, dark-haired and quiet, takes my card, notes address and phone number, and blond does a number of readings, taking blood pressure TWICE, one on right: 128/80, on left, 138/82---saying left is higher because it's just off heart. Then talks of some "Cincinnati standard" grip test, which she DIDN'T do, didn't even KNOW about, which he said was STANDARD. I do it, and it's OK. I keep saying I'm hungry, and finally he just lets me go, after I sign one paper that I didn't read---is THAT going to be important?? I'm out of ambulance by back door, shaking his hand heartily, and walk down to Grand Canyon and have a burger, peeing, drink lemonade, have bill of $10.30 on credit card, adding $1.50 tip, and walking HOME, pausing at corner to go to Key Food and buying grapes, six on-sale yogurts for 2/75¢, and two quarts of fat-free milk, getting three messages, putting stuff in fridge, calling Spartacus for short talk since he's going to Bob's till 11PM, Marj for LONG talk to 5:35PM, and then finish this to 6PM, done at last. Now to john and pee and read Times. Watch "Episodes" and much-reseen "Doctor Who," have another pizza slice, and talk long time to Spartacus when he gets back from movies at 11:45PM, and he INSISTS that I should be GRATEFUL for how much CARE both Marj and Spartacus have for me by calling and talking about my presence. I do, I do, I do, but I CAN'T STAND talking to Marj more. Go to bed at 1:20PM, since I slept so much of yesterday.

MONDAY, 8/6/12: Up at 9:30, AGAIN noting that it's 8:10 hours, and pee-read to 10:08AM. Up and phone HIP and record the junk on THAT line: first "More than five minutes or call later," when I start at 10:11AM. Then "Sat-Sun-Hol 10-7PM." Then recordings go on to "All assistants are helping other callers, representative will be with you shortly" at 10:14. Then "8-8 Mon-Thu, 8-6 on Friday." "Thank you for your continued patience, representative will be with you shortly." That repeats at 10:16, 10:16.5, 10:17, to 10:19, when I get a PERSON, who said I can have an appointment with Dr. Mirsakov, 2PM Friday, at the Grant (emphasized after I say Grand) Avenue station, then five long blocks away. That's at 232 Linden Boulevard. I get out the subway map and find Grant almost to the end, but find it's only 7 stops. Call Marj at 11:05, talking in AGONY to 11:30, she INSISTS I was at death's door, LOVES talking about it, and then PANICKING when she HAD to call Spartacus at 4:15 or so yesterday, and I can just LISTEN to her and TRY to say it's all OK now, as she REPEATS and REPEATS the information I gave him and she TRIES to make her point of view heard. Then I call Spartacus and we AGAIN talk about how she and he HAD to be concerned about me, and that goes to 11:40. Find out from Rena that I can "slip" two weeks from the original date and she'll send out the medicines; so I can call her late Friday or early Monday with the cardio results. I ALWAYS note that TODAY I have marked on my calendar to make my yearly appointment with Dr. Sai, who isn't with them anymore. Have breakfast, watching more TV and having my usual breakfast, happy I got the milk yesterday, and call SHARON desperate to talk to SOMEONE OUTSIDE about the trouble I caused Marj and Spartacus WITHOUT talking to them more. Got to find out that I am not crazy in the way I handle them! Watch a semi-new Doctor Who, and get to "Vicki Christine Barcelona" when I decide I need to type THIS, having weighed myself only at 1:32PM at 198.2#, still that when I re-weigh at 3:08PM, and get back to website at 3:09PM, hoping for Sharon's call---even for TODAY. Finish that at 5:50, having gone up to the end of July, 2012, rather near the end of the Journals, which I find was EARLY July: 7/6/12. So they're "of a pair." Then to the TV, having the last slice of pizza, quickly followed by the rest of the Grand Canyon burger, and that is followed by an ear of corn, again, later, watching hours of skimmed Olympics, more of Doctor Who, and a weighing of 197.0#. Determined to CLEAR the now-boring Olympics, meaning I get to bed later than I'd hoped, at 12:34AM.

TUESDAY, 8/7/12: Wake at 8:01, perfect for making a 4PM appointment with Doctor Chin at 8:13, and then pee-read to 8:35AM. Bed, but convert to FUAS at 8:48, ignoring the AS, reverting to rest at 9:08AM. Then shit-read to 9:26AM, weighing 195.4#. Dress to mail check to Tris at 9:40 and bind up the newspapers and magazines and take them out be 10:03, then having breakfast while reading old New Yorker at table, and go to Hollinghurst to 12:45PM, reading up on the write-ups, which give away the last two parts, and at least one of the articles (New Yorker, not New York) thinks of the book as FLAWED, not current, a time-waster before the next great Hollinghurst novel. Then, for discipline, I catch up with NN to 12:58AM, and start work on TRSMEM26. Print most of it; reduce number of Tunisia slides from 578 to 426 (152 discarded is 35.9% of final 426!) from 1:20-2:45; then go back to TV, having a hamburger for late lunch, then go to HIP for Dr. Chin, seen at 4:30, saying I MIGHT have had a TIA (transient ischemic attack), to mini-stroke, and I SHOULD have gone to the hospital, and should in the future, because I can't DEPEND of it being over in a few hours. Get another EKG, good and heart-strong, she says, with BP of 120 over 80 on BOTH sides. Told to get an MRI at Doshi. I go back home and waste time with Spider 5:25-6:50, stopping at 51.76094 at 1013 up after 2 wins, ugh, and continue with Taipei 6:50-8PM, when I leave to get to Sharon at 8:16PM, finding that my session WAS at 8:15PM, and she's very sympathetic, telling me I had to deal with MARJ's and SPARTACUS's concerns more than MINE, and I could have talked on the phone longer when she called on Monday. Leave, feeling better, just before 9PM, and home to overcook corn and watch first part of "Manon," really not remembering it from 9/27/05, and the journals from that part of the year find me concerned with indexing and "Voyage to Rheims," and nothing at all about "Manon,"---which I why I don't remember it? Memory will wait until I find the program from 9/05 and see who did the production and who was in it. [Change data on previous page, but don't bother to retype it now---just not THAT obsessive!] Tired enough to go to bed at 11:25PM.

SHARON B. 222 8/7/12

SPECIAL session because I was SO disturbed with Marj and Spartacus I couldn't talk to THEM about my TIA, which I only found out about (the POSSIBILITY of it: the CERTAINTY, Chin says, waits for the MRI results!) at 4PM. Sharon congratulates me for getting so much out of it, while SHE could be content to say that THEY were more concerned than I was, so I had to put up with THEM rather than deal with MY concern---that I'd be shut out of the Resveratrol test having put in the day of testing for it---but happy that I might make the "two-week limit" and still continue the test after the cardiologist's meeting on Friday. Well, being "special," I guess that will suffice.

WEDNESDAY, 8/8/12: 3:53AM: Pee, weighing 195.4#. 6:28AM: Pee, weight down to 195.0#! Feet up, still no Actualism, 6:22-6:47AM, then lie to think to 6:58, then get up to research "Manon," finding nothing about it, and catch up with journal to 7:37AM, ready to start busy day with SOME exercise, but mainly for shower for AWFUL long hair! AND call for Doshi, hopefully Thursday. Breakfast of oatmeal watching "Manon" until 8:11AM, when I phone Doshi and get told I can have a 9:30AM MRI, getting there an hour early for paperwork. OK. Take the subway, which comes almost instantly, to Nevins Street, and then it's a long walk back to Bond, but get in there at 8:55AM, having WALKED up because ONE elevator was out of service, but it turns out that three others WERE working, and wait until about 9:30, reading Hollinghurst, when I get told to put stuff into a locker which remains LOCKED until she shows me to push UP on the button, and it opens. Into MRI room and put bridge onto napkin, head down into form-fitting brace, towels around head to prevent movement, earphones SAID to be her, but though I heard things VAGUELY through them, I really didn't HEAR her. LOUD noises, place SHAKING for the last series, and out at 10:17AM. Put everything back into pockets, take elevator down, and cross street to wait for B52 bus that takes me to Montague, and I walk the rest of the way back. Call Spartacus, he on phone but calls back 10:50-11:10AM, and then I call Marj and talk BRIEFLY to 11:23AM, and fill this up to 11:27AM, ready to put stuff away for Susie's arrival. Everything ready when Susie arrives at noon, she has her lunch while I have an ear of corn. Leave for 55 Pierrepont at 12:45 and Dell gives me a LOT of trouble, finally having to go by projector as screen remains BLACK. Start a bit after 1:15, Elsie arriving, and I see Sharon briefly, and John takes a vacated front seat after about three dozen slides. I don't say much, but Indian to my right gives a running commentary that I mostly ignore. Leave in the movies; Steve loves the trains, it ends at 2:15 in a flurry of thanks. Charles did NOT arrive! Steve comes back for an hour, having bought a Snapple at the subway station. We devour the crackers and cashews and most of the plum wine; John drink about half a bottle of limoncello. We talk till 5:30 and go out to Thai Taste for a GREAT-looking waiter! Walk Susie along the Promenade, John giving his sightseeing talk, and sees her home while I come back at 6PM to not solve the TV Guide sudoku, skim New Yorker, and decide, since my eyes are closing, to simply go to bed at 7:30PM!

THURSDAY, 8/9/12: 2:20AM: Shit-read to 2:39AM. Weigh 194.2#! Up at 3:27AM, LOOK at page-URLs, print screens for two memos and look at Jewelbox until 5:06, when I go back to bed to 5:43, up to skim two "Doctor Who" episodes, finish "Manon," and skim maybe 6 hours of Olympics. Breakfast early, and lunch at 2:30PM, having talked to Tris, Spartacus calling, and Dr. Chin saying that my MRI showed I HAD a stroke, so he sent a Coumadin prescription to CVS for me! Two pills each of first three nights, then one pill per night; more neurological tests. I call Rena to say I'm taking Coumadin and so won't take the rest of her study! SAD, SAD, SAD! Glad I'm seeing Sharon tonight, too! Weigh 192.4#! LOWEST YET! Have a hamburger lunch while watching more TV, and get to Sharon's at 4:20PM, in just before 4:30. Get first Coumadin prescription, AGAIN from very handsome, tall, intelligent helper! An epidemic! This is at 5:22PM. Finish Hollinghurst "The Stranger's Son" by starting at page 312 at 6:25PM and ending at 8:30PM. Watch more Olympics and get to bed at 10:44PM.

SHARON B. 223 8/9/12

A lot to talk about even though I'd been there only two nights before. She could only see one hour of the Tunisia slides, but said she liked them. I told her about the Coumadin prescription, the long talk by Dr. Chin over the phone, where I didn't think to ask him about exercising, though I had to assume that whatever I did BEFORE I could do NOW! He said that a neurologist's appointment would be phoned to me, but it hasn't happened yet, but I have a 2PM appointment with the cardiologist tomorrow. Only at the very end did she bother to mention that her father AND mother had lived for 20 years on Coumadin, his mother STILL alive, her father in WORSE shape than me when he started it at age 62. THAT was the best news she could tell me!

FRIDAY, 8/10/12: 7:40AM: Slept 8:56! IS this carry-over from mini-stroke on Sunday?? Pee-read to 8:05AM, weight 194.6# FUAS to 8:46, lie to 9:26AM, all this going VERY quickly. Try j/o, but interrupted by Carolyn at 10:30 to sympathize about Coumadin, her switch to Pradaxa working well for her, and I call Charles at 10:55AM. Check Coumadin versus Pradaxa blogs to 11:15AM, and have breakfast to 12:30 after filling pillbox and NOT adding Coumadin to the slots. Make quick notes on Hollinghurst: "The Stranger's Child," p.120B: ...the celebrated membrum virile, unguessed for ever beneath the marble tunic, but once so insistently alive and alert... p.121T: ...in blank disavowal of their mad sodomitical past. ...p.174T: ...when men kissed each other it was a pretty rough business...., to 1PM, when I check to find that library is open from 10AM. Down to return five books due tomorrow, and get subway toward Grant Avenue at 1:25PM. Off at 1:45, walk to south end, I guess, of Grant, and then turn through park, ending on Lincoln that leads me to Linden Boulevard, and walk, say, east before checking that address is 2832, rather than 2532, as I'd thought, so I have to RETRACE about four long blocks, then crossing Linden, and at last getting to enormous parking lot for 2832 Linden, past the Cineplex and past the MacDonald's. Check in at 2:15PM, saying I'll never come HERE again! Polish "nurse" checks me in, and then beautiful, thin, high-heeled Dr. Nina Mirsakov takes charge, doing the "hand-press" that tells her that my left side is slightly weaker than my right side! She sends me to the nurse for my third EKG in eight days, and then a secretary who starts being annoyed with me, and then makes three appointments, one of which I had to "make" with the window in Area A, who sends me back to Area C because I don't have the "authorization," and the nurse marks the number UP TOP, and the window in Area A then says I just PRESENT the papers to Doshi for my "Duplex Scan Extracran Art, Bil -" for "recent CVA (cerebrovascular accident!)." Hospital can administer TPA: Tissue plasminogen activator. Secretary tells me to take the B15 bus to #3 train-end at Newlots Avenue, which I catch at 4:05PM, getting to station to get train on platform 4:15-4:45PM. Watch 4 “Futurama” episodes, a "Doctor Who" that I'd forgotten, and skim through about 5 hours of Olympics, and talk to Marj who is VERY disturbed that I don't have the same burden she has of having NO income and NO jobs other than mine at this point. I think to tell her the next time we talk that 1) she should go on Social Security NOW, because, sorry baby, you're not going to LIVE to reap the added value of starting at age 70, and 2) NO ONE WILL CALL WITH WORK! No matter HOW much you leave the phone free. Charles also calls, talking for a LONG time, sorry he couldn't come to the slides, having MARRIED BILL! Operation is still scheduled for Tuesday. I weigh 194.2# at 10:15PM, before filling up on grapes, then bed at 12:13AM.

SATURDAY, 8/11/12: 8:34AM: Pee, having slept 8:21, and get Times, weigh 194.2#. FU to 9:01, shit-read to 9:26AM and weigh 193.4#! Do the crossword to 10:20AM, start the "hard" acrostic, finish the Times, then finish the acrostic by GUESSING many of the words, but finish that at 12:25PM, still weighing 193.4#. Breakfast to 1PM, finishing New Yorker, and then sit and finish Edmund White: City Boy, at 2:30PM, having only a FEW lines to copy: p.118T: "Love is a source of anxiety until it is a source of boredom; only friendship feeds the spirit. Love raises great expectations in us that it never satisfies; the hopes based on friendship are milder and in the present, and they exist only because they have already been rewarded." p.154T: "...how vapid Venice could be. He often said, "Venice is as intellectually distinguished as Akron, Ohio." p.273B: "It was a bit like socializing with Prince Charles, I suppose. I've known writers and actors who've spent weekends with him but they never refer to it in print." HMMMM. Then Google CVA and TPA, to finish Friday's events, and finish this to 4:20PM---and decide to call Marj. But the line is busy at 4:20! Then go to the website, to agonize over AAJB13, 4, and 2 to 7PM, note on finding "Iwoke" as my next task. Then to more "Doctor Who" and Olympics, having another TINY hamburger, leaving only one left, and watching the last half hour live on the Olympics, getting to bed at 12:39AM.

SUNDAY, 8/12/12: 8:19AM: Pee-read Times to 9:01AM, weighing 193.2#. Find "Iwoke" by 9:15, making AABJ11, and charting weight by 9:25AM. Read Times and watch "Meet the Press" about Romney's VP, then another Olympics hour, skimming, and get to guy's FIRST Met Opera order to 12:15PM, leaving work with Charles as to the two $100 tickets I got. Finish this by 12:23PM, deciding to try Marj, and GET her, born 12/27/43, 16 months to her TAKING Social Security. Talk to 12:52PM! Leave apartment at precisely 1PM and make good connections to three modes of transport, getting to Piri's at 1:55PM, having to ring to be let in. We start with Boggle, me not getting very good scores, and continue with Taboo without buzzer, not that much fun. Then to Charades with my two long ones from Scientific American, and at last to Scattergories with the cards of topics, much more fun. That goes to 6:10PM, and I'm eager to join all at Coffee Mill (Moulin a Cafe). The burger is large, but I finish it all, with all the French fries, and that kills my diet for a few days. Final bills take ages, and I don't get home until about 9:30PM, getting the message from Dan that his father, Uncle Edward, died that day. End watching much lengthened end of the Olympics, with many unknown English pop bands, not really seeing the end even though I watch to 1:17AM, when I finally get to bed.

MONDAY, 8/13/12: 8:10AM: Get the call from the woman on Friday, saying I have a 2PM on Thursday at Nevins Street with neurologist Dr. Tishik. Shit-read to 8:42AM, do FU 8:53-9:11, lie to 9:22AM, then try Facebook 9:25-9:55, but can't find the CORRECT Jermaine Williams, then add four library holds, and call Piri for Claudia's e-mail, inviting her to 8/31 to 10:25AM, weighing 195.4#. Breakfast of oatmeal, water plants, forgotten yesterday, and leave at 11:15 after starting "Episodes", getting in at 11:35PM, being sent stupidly to 5th Floor for nothing, and get the Holter Monitor by 11:43, told to bring it back at 11:45 tomorrow, and get back on bus to Joralemon and walk back to no mail yet at 12:10, watching three "Doctor Who" episodes to 3PM, try Verizon for non-deleting Outlook Express to 3:30, then 4:05 to try Microsoft, who gives me things to try, and then I read more of "James Young" to 6PM, trying to solve difficult TV Guide sudoku, and filling this out to 6:30PM, reluctant to do anything but Spider afterwards. Do that until 9PM, about, not really keeping track, ending at 51.7585 at 1012 up after 2 wins, then to Taipei until I'm tired of it, about 9-10PM, then to Solitaire until 10:30PM, thinking I might just as well be ready for bed! Maybe two "Futuramas" before bed at 11:25PM.

TUESDAY, 8/14/12: Pee at 1:12AM, 2:31AM, 6:11AM, and 6:57AM, weighing 195.2#. 7AM FUAS to 7:23, lie to 7:34AM. Get Doshi appointment 8:50-9:08, way out on Ralph! Have breakfast and watch TV to 11:15AM---can't find receipt for Holter! Out to RIP skin from bandages at 11:50AM, my receipt's AT office! Leave in RAIN, to bus that goes to Cadman Plaza this time. Leave EARLY at 12:40PM for Ralph Avenue appointment at 2PM, but train delays, transfer to B after crowded Q passes, but it's not THAT long to King's Highway, 15th is right near exit, and walk to 13th to arbitrarily turn LEFT on 13th to get to Ralph: she's mis-spoken the directions! In at 1:55, but fill forms at 2:10, finish Scientific American at 2:45, and Edmund White "Jack Holmes and His Friend" at 3, and FINALLY get taken 3:25-3:54 for ANOTHER carotid artery duplex scan, last one was 9/8/11, LESS THAN A YEAR! Then to platform to let a Q pass: MY MISTAKE! Wait LONG time, to after 5PM, for another Q---B has since been CANCELED! And THAT stops at Prospect Park, saying it's going out of service---returning to Brighton Beach---and we should take the Shuttle, which says ONE stop to Botanic Garden, and a walk to transfer to 3 train at Franklin Avenue! MASS of people doing this, and I just hop on next 3 and get to station in time to get to Lantern at 5:39PM to NOT find waiter there, checking out my Nightingale Nest at 6:14PM, and taking the bag to add to my Key Food bill of $55.38 at 6:34PM! Call Dr. Chin to have him say I should give blood at Linden Center tomorrow. Type "Jack Holmes" segments at 8:10PM Wednesday: p,11M: "...tucked-in buttocks, scrotum as red and veined as an autumn leaf in the rain, and the penis as big and dark as a bloodsucker when you suddenly notice it in horror and salt it and pull it off." p.16M: "Jack, that's awfully bit, you know. I mean, it's huge." Jack suspected it was on the big end of the spectrum. Other guys stared at him in the showers sometimes, and he guessed they were slightly shocked or intrigued. ...Later that night, when he was alone again, he turned on the lights while he was jacking off and actually looked at the damn thing. He could see that it was impressive in proportion to the rest of his body." Uh, yeah? p.243B: "No one even went to Brooklyn; it might as well have been Akron." AGAIN!? Watch 4 episodes of "Futurama," even though my eyes are closing, and go to bed 11:48PM, weighing 193.8#.

WEDNESDAY, 8/15/12: 4:30AM: Pee, weigh 193.8#, 74°. 9:02AM: Shit-read to 9:20AM. Find that e-mail is deleted if I Shift/Delete/Yes, to 9:50AM. Wolf down a quick breakfast and get out to 3 train at 10:30AM, having it STOP a couple of times, down to wait for B15 bus to 11:15AM, and it TURNS three blocks before Center! Out and walk, complaining to secretary, particularly since I'm not taken by 1PM, and I steal a pen at 1:01PM when I'm finally told to take off my shirt and put on a paper jacket open in front. Note paragraph on top of page 118 as nonsense in Chris Adrian's "The Great Night." Really a CONSPIRACY: "Sex" was random and aleatory in previous New York Magazine when I was "off" on last Sunday between 2:30-3PM, "Jack Holmes" is random when I finish it yesterday waiting for carotid artery sonogram, and now THIS would lead me to think I am going crazy reading it today! He studies my heart from 1:07-1:18PM. Then BUS goes crazy going back over LOOP that returns it to Linden Boulevard in DRIVING RAIN! SOAKED dashing to 3 train at 1:43PM, and it leaves at 1:47, but it's stopped when I get home at 2:17. So it IS a half hour. Up to take umbrella to gym, slaving through 45 minutes, out to DOWNPOUR and home to get a call from Spartacus that the movie is TOMORROW, not today! I have rest of yesterday's Nightingale's Nest, and THEN Spartacus calls again to ask for Malayan dinner, but I just had lunch! I read Adrian until my eyes close, sit looking at coming rain at 6PM, which, sadly, never comes, though there's a TREMENDOUS thundercrack about 6:15PM. Charles calls about his successful operation with FOURTEEN attendants! He'll call me at 10AM Saturday if he wants to join me at the Met Museum. I tell him the opera tickets already arrived. I update MEDICAL with all the dates of the past two weeks---well, 11 days, and finish this, finally at 8:50PM, almost ready for BED!! Decide to back-up AR and WP51. That takes to 9PM. Do Spider 9-10:15PM GOOD to 51.76499 at 1016 up after 5 wins, highest of all. Then just decide to go to bed at 10:38PM, weighing 193.8#.

THURSDAY, 8/16/12: 12:53AM: Pee. 4:08AM: Pee, weighing 192.8#! 69°. 4:52AM: Pee again, 192.4#. FUAS 7:15-7:35AM, pee-read to 8AM, still 192.4. See that the lab is open at 8AM, so I'm out to deposit last $50 check, go to lab to find I should call Lisa at Lab on Friday for HER to connect to Lee, who's standing in for Chin, who's out until 9/3, and who will tell me what to do about checking for coumadin readings. Give blood easily to 8:45, then get flaxseed meal and soynuts at Garden of Eden, and limit TWO 75¢ tunas with milk and yogurt for $14.12, saving $5.33, lopped off bottom of ticket. Pick up laundry for $14.50 and get home at 9:10AM. At 9:15 I weigh myself at a new low: 191.2#! Cereal for breakfast at 9:30 with Adrian. Then phone, and GET Steph, whose father finally died at 95 (so with Edward on Sunday I need another death?), who'll come on 8/31, and leave word with Ken, welcoming him back from trip, and Fred, who may be away! Then phone Spartacus and go over to pick up $9 "Samsara" ticket, $13 for regular adults! He give lots of other articles, of which I keep the long article about "Doctor Who." Then finish this by 11:35AM, ready to do Visa bill for August and then get to Jewelbox. Visa goes quick, do AAJB11 to 12:30PM and then AAJB3 "will give spam and won't be sent!" I get on Verizon in-home agent to 1:25PM to clear THAT up by putting AAJB3 CONTENTS into MESSAGE, and sending it THAT way. Then get out at 1:30 to Nevins, getting in early, seeing Tishuk, whose name I got miraculously right the first time, who's from Belarus and starts pronouncing my last name the POLISH way, and sees me to 1:55, pushing and pulling and testing, showing me my MRI SPOT in the left-center of the brain from my mini-stroke, saying that the atrial fibrillation will CAUSE clots because of the churning of the muscle, as opposed to the straight stroke. Not the best news. He tells me to come back in two weeks after an MRA at Doshi. Secretary says first Doshi slot is 8/30, which means my Tishuk has to be in THREE weeks. I bridle, but there's nothing to be done, EXCEPT that when I get to lower floor to schedule, she says it can be ANYTIME, so I make it for MONDAY, but secretary on third floor says he'll CALL me if there's anything wrong with the MRA, and my appointment with him can STILL be on 9/8. Well, OK. Home at 2:30, getting iPad, have lunch of turkey burger while reading Adrian, and get out to Sharon early. Good session, home to change bags and get out at 5:30 to Walter Reade theater for long LINE outside, which goes in at 6:15, I save two seats for Spartacus and lady-friend, and "Samsara" shows Pagan, Nemrut, Uchisar, American West, and many OTHER places I've been, but then mingles it with chicken-processing factories in China and cow-feeding in Japan and inmates dancing in Philippines and slums of Mumbai to mess it up before returning to balloon over Pagan and the destruction of the sand-mandala in Ladakh, which could have been anywhere. She's very impressed, I say "Koyaniscotsi" was better: she never heard of it. They leave for their Indian dinner on 50th Street and I come home for a sweet ear of corn, watching a new-to-me 2009 episode of "Doctor Who" that lets me get to bed at 11:15PM, still weighing 191.8#

SHARON B. 224 8/16/12

In early, reading, and get in at 4:30 to talk about my previous weeks of tests and frustrations with stalled appointments and slow subways. Mention Edward's death and the coincidence of our e-mails about "Dupa." Now I'm the matriarch/ patriarch of the family! Repeat the good news of Sharon's parents living for 20 years with Coumadin, and my call tomorrow to Lisa of Lab for future tests, which I think will be standard, and in fact it proves to be another test in only TWO weeks, which shows my dosage currently good. Say that I've been so busy with medical tests that I haven't had time to fret about anything else, though I mention two visits to Lantern, Thai Kitchen, to try to find elusive humpy waiter. Also praise progress on website, getting back to Tris to be told to concentrate on Jewel Box, ignoring when he puts rest of site up. Still not talking to Mildred, though I remind her of our tickets to "Book of Mormon" in October! Also told of Charles's operation and possible going to Met Museum with me on Saturday. Talk all the way through to 5:15, seeing older woman waiting in lobby for Sharon for first time.

FRIDAY, 8/17/12: 5:15AM: Headache, SMALL pee, and weigh 191.8# at 71°. 9:09AM: Shit-read to 9:31, weighing an astounding 189.2#! FUAS 9:31-9:54, and up at 9:58. Call Lisa at Lab, 9:58-10:09AM, woman insisting there IS no Lisa in Lab, only Elizabeth, and when she finally connects me to Elizabeth, she protests she IS either Lisa or Elizabeth, and has to call me back after she talks to Dr. Lee, who's in for Chin who's out till 9/3. She calls me back about 10:30, and I tell her I love her, and says I'll need my next blood test for my Coumadin level in TWO weeks. Great! I duplicate and print now-extensive MEDICAL record for the past two weeks, and print another NN page, and finish this to 10:55PM, realizing I still haven't done Sharon from yesterday. Forgot to mention wonderful talk 9:30-9:55PM with anxiety-ridden Ken about his trip. Finish Sharon's session at 11:06AM, another late breakfast with early bedtime notwithstanding. Finish at 11:40AM Adrian: "The Great Night," finding, really, nothing to copy---CONFUSING book, but full of (his?) newly-open gayness and hospital-death sadness. Take it and the other three books back to the library, open but nearly dark, and dump them in the newly-planned slots, then check out the two books available, bringing them back to look them over to 12:20PM, and then settle in for more Jewelbox pages at 12:25PM. Look at them until 2PM, when I leave for Simon and Schuster, wondering where it IS until I see it across 6th Avenue, and get to meet Barry in the locked lobby. In to find that Carolyn and I and second woman are ONLY recruits to Food Zone program, which isn't "up" until Claire gets her website going by September 1. Confusing presentation, but I think it might be a winner. Leave 5:20PM, home for dinner with "Executions," and work to send ALL Jewelbox to Tris 8:18-11:21PM, getting to bed 11:45PM.

SATURDAY, 8/18/12: 6:22AM: Pee, weigh 191.8#, 65°. 8:19: Up, j\o THIN but fast 8:35-8:55AM. Do Times puzzles, both hard, finishing neither, then talk to Charles 11:15-11:37AM and Marj 11:37AM-12:45PM! Leave for Met Museum 12:55AM, get there for Sciaparelli/Prada, pretty but not engrossing, crowded but not enlightened, 1:48-2:15PM, then boring John Marin watercolors 2:21-2:26PM and decide on lunch of peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches with a fresh peach and silly half-cup of fruit punch for $5.99, eating fast 2:43-2:55PM, then to final exhibit of Spies in Art, silly, 3:02-3:30PM, for 62 minutes of art in toto, but I saw what I wanted, and later found that I'd have to visit again in two weeks, actually 10 or 11 days, and phoned Charles about that on Sunday. Home to call Marj, encouraging her to tell me her "employment ending" stories, and she talks and talks and talks from 5:15-6:30, when I would have had to stop anyway to get to Jean Georges. Get seated at the table at 7:20PM, enjoying the view, and Ken joins at 7:25PM and we have the $168 tasting, he with the $120 wine pairing, me only with the $18 Kir Royale. We didn't finish the turbot, which led the Polish waitress and VERY gay headwaiter to allow us to order from the cheese cart without additional charge (nor did they charge extra, as may have been possible, for me to substitute the foie gras appetizer for the scallops, which I don't care for), and we overloaded on three kinds of cheese each, with added strawberries and my walnuts. Food was even better than it had been for me and Paul last time, but still not as good as my memory of the first meal there, 5/7/97, over fifteen years ago, for $139. We're at the table over three hours, and I had a TERRIBLE feeling of guilt when his birthday cake arrived and I didn't TELL them (he thought he might have mentioned it when he made the reservation)! Home at 11:15PM, weighing 197.4# at 11:30, and bed at 11:38PM.

SUNDAY, 8/19/12: 5:52AM: Pee, 194.8#, 66°. 8:03AM: Up, Times-read to 8:24, back to bed and up 9:13AM, still weary. Get call from Bank of America that I hang up just before 10AM, but when I see the e-mail at 11 I phone to find that LUNACS.COM had billed $39.95 for some porno something, and they insisted that I had to change my card number. DAMN! Start catching up with journal, and Rita calls to talk for a long time about Edward's funeral, and I finish at last at 1:15PM, ready for breakfast! Watered plants, now just have to get to the gym today! Late breakfast of fortified oatmeal with Times, finally finish both puzzles and paper, read part of Bruni's book till my eyes close, then go to proofing EGYPET 3:07-4:30PM, Marj busy, then Marj puts phone on and we go through proof 4:33-5:08PM. I watch "Doctor Who Timey-Wimey" episode and other stuff from weekend, including a Bill Maher, and have ONLY an ear of corn, a bunch of grapes, and a yogurt before going to bed at 12:31AM! Still 196.0#

MONDAY, 8/20/12: 3:11AM: Pee, 70°. 5:11AM: Pee, 194.6#. 7:42AM: Pee, 192.2#, something must be crazy, but it's DIGITAL! FU 9:34-9:54AM, up at 9:56, shit-read to 10:25AM, weighing 192.2#! Check e-mail, long reply to Susie, catch up with this to 10:45AM, feeling accomplished! Breakfast with "Execution" to 11:45AM. Add four BPL holds to 12:02PM. Go to MRA and get back at 1:50PM with Metro-card blanked out. See MEDICAL:8/20/12. Back to work on website, looking for more plays and adding 5 more by 4:25PM. Have dinner with turkey burger and find I can watch ALL of "Newsroom" on HBO GO, which I sign up for and it WORKS! Watch the five missing episodes and feel GREAT about it. Bed 12:21AM.

TUESDAY, 8/21/12: Up at 9:17AM after 8:56!!! Pee-read to 9:45, weighing 193.0#. At 9:48 I'm back to website to search for "I Shall Die at the End of This Play," and find masses of stuff to 10:45AM. Breakfast with "Executions" and back to website, finding small differences between DREAMS and DREAMSPL in AR and only in C:\, replacing tiny-bit-larger files from C:\, hoping not to lose anything in the meantime. At 12:15PM switch to iPod and try calling John at 12:30, 1PM, 1:40PM, and leave word at 2PM. Find new credit-card number and phone Metro card with it. Meanwhile continue winnowing old files from C:\ and C:\WP51\MC\ESSAYS, and start looking at DIRECT files in PLAYS to FIND "I Shall Die" of 55 pages in DIRECTS2! But FRUSTRATION when I can't E-MAIL it!!! Then John calls at 3:22PM and I go over until 5PM, having gotten DAYS of songs, but finding I have to buy an iPod charger from Radio Shack for about $10. Back to find it won't stay ON, but phone John and he changes things and it finally works OK. BUT turned on, so I j\o around 8PM, cuming but with no great feeling, and then search out "Boardwalk Empire" on HBO GO, watching 3 episodes while having last turkey burger, last ear of corn, and even the spare Zone cookie! Bed 12:12AM.

WEDNESDAY, 8/22/12: 5:38AM: Pee, weighing 193.2#. 8:48AM: Pee-read to 9:11AM, weighing still 193.2#. FU to 9:26, when phone rings and I check to find no message. Phone Tris to tell him I finally sent "I Shall Die" with Mozilla Firefox, and ask if he GOT it! Then check TV Guide for many movies this weekend, throwing out lots of stuff from living room TV-shelf. Back to finish journal to 11:05AM, ready for breakfast. Breakfast and end of "You Again," great cast, to 1:15PM. Go to gym and decide to use iPod and do sit-down bicycle, as John recommended. But LEFT ear doesn't work, and RIGHT ear doesn't keep out loud music: not only will I have to get charger, I'll have to get earphones, and for that I'll have to wait for new credit card! Back to watch an episode of "Boss," then "Real Steel" isn't on, but "Death Watch" is, which I've seen before, but watch it again and don't remember it from the past. Continue with "Another Earth," having a whole seven-ounce ham slice for dinner, and then get down to AmeriPrice talk for CHICKEN and cornbread and iced lemonade that I spill all over the place. That goes to 7PM, not very helpful, and back, stuffed, to watch a 1.5 hour "Face/Off," and the start of "Big Fish," but tired and bed at 11:34PM.

THURSDAY, 8/23/12: 8:30AM: 8:56 sleep! Shit-read to 9:01AM, reading about Nora Ephron's death at 71 to ADD to my death-obsession, and scale shows 191.8#, which I don't believe, but record anyway. Lie in bed to 9:25AM, checking that I have dreams from 7/24-8/7 on Neo, and at 9:33AM weigh 194.2! Something clearly wrong. Start on EXHAUSTIVE download to Tris list, starting as far back as 7/5/09 files of Orgy and JOYI, stopping at 10:45AM for breakfast and end of "Big Fish," which I'd ALSO seen before, which ALSO deals with death, and back to listing at 12:30PM, finishing at 2:40PM with item #190, but can't get to ANYTHING after a bit, so I'm to NN and update THAT to 3PM, having xeroxed six pictures from 1937-1945 for Sharon, taking the trouble to move the envelope from Edward (AGAIN, death) to scrapbook so I won't have to move the sofas AGAIN to get to them. Hot, but no A/C on yet. Called Fred, who said he sent me an e-mail, but he didn't. Left word for Spartacus, out seeing another movie, I guess. Now what? Add all storage to 28,721 kb to 3:30. Cook lasagna at six minutes on high, eating it just as it comes from oven. Leave at 4:15PM for Sharon, and out at 5:17PM. Watch five episodes of "Boardwalk Empire" and go to bed at 10:55PM, feeling OUT of it!!

SHARON B. 225 8/23/12

She calls me in at 4:30, no one in office ahead (or behind) me. I start by complaining about how everything seems like death: two days of sleeping for 8:56, read about Nora Ephron's death at 71, seeing "Big Fish" which is ALSO about death, complaining about loss of Metro card, but they'll send it to me, having to change Visa card, which they'll have to send to me, and still taking original prescription of Coumadin, which since they haven't called me I have to assume is OK, but one earphone of iPod won't work, but I can't go to Radio Shack without my new Visa card, and am worried about bus-subway connection tomorrow that I won't be able to take advantage of. Complain, fear, anxiety, and I can't do anything about it---not even TALK to anyone about it! Charles had his operation, but is still in pain; Mildred not being called; Spartacus being left message; at least I feel better talking with Sharon! Leave talked out, yet not really happy, since she really didn't SAY anything to help!

FRIDAY, 8/24/12: Wake at 8:14: 9:19!!! Pee-read to 8:58AM, weigh 194.2#. FU 8:59-9:20AM, lie to 9:34AM. Taipei 9:40-10:40, talking to Spartacus between times. Leave word with Pam Hatley at 9:40AM. Breakfast of oatmeal while watching first of FIVE episodes of "Boardwalk Empire," then stop at 3:35 to try in-home agent, finally PHONING at 3:40, getting guy who FINALLY has me reload, and everything works! Off at 4:10, checking lower-now Schwab balance, four books waiting for me at BPL until 8/29, and I catch journal up-to-date at 4:30PM. DONE!! Watch "All Good Things" and "The Awful Truth" just to do it, and weigh 196.0# when I get to bed at 12:24AM.

SATURDAY, 8/25/12: 8:01AM: Pee, weighing 194.4#. Type DREAMS:8/25/12 to 8:15AM. FU 8:17, then FUAS 8:20-8:41AM. Lie to 8:52AM. Admit it: Stroke CHANGED me! Shit-read to 9:05, weighing 193.8#. At 11:32PM weigh 193.2#. Work on puzzles: crossword easy, in less than an hour, but acrostic takes Internet and guesswork to finally finish. Marj calls 11:15AM after Ken calls at 11:03AM, thinking it Marj, but I don't want to spend $100 to look at Jake Gyllenhall onstage. Brush Marj off as quickly as possible, and breakfast after noon, not doing ANYTHING of use today, not even recording, like, 1.5 hours of Taipei from 6PM-7:30, with Solitaire after to 8PM when I have to put on light to see. Watch "Bill Maher" and "Rachel Maddow" and "Boss" early, then think to go to gym at 6PM but don't. Watch 3 episodes of "Boardwalk Empire," having first gotten "this ain't here" for episode 2 of season 2, but then getting it OK. Finish Abbott, Geoffrey: Execution, taking notes: p.164T: "betweem 11% and 1783", p.252M: "heir vas furtively concealed," p.253M: "with (t)rue Victorian spirit," NEXT LINE: "strike up (t)he National Anthem," p.255T: "he was a well-bulk---built!" p.260B "So keen (t)he blade." NOT the best book: reading the last few pages, fighting to keep my eyes open, I kept thinking: "What GOOD does it do that I READ this, since I'm not going to be IMPRESSED by it AT ALL!" Bed 11:49PM.

SUNDAY, 8/26/12: 7:55AM (slept 8:06!) Pee, weigh 193.6#. FU 7:59-8:20AM and up at 8:27AM. Print "Birthdays" and add page to lists-book. Fill this to 8:58AM. Put away HSBC printout, unbalanced and I'm NOT ABLE to do it! Put it away for next month at 9:43AM, after trying MANY times and NOT SUCCEEDING! Read Times, read more Bruni to pass the time to 11AM, then try calling Marj but her phone is off the hook. Watch 5 episodes of "Boardwalk Empire," even thinking of watching to the end of season 2, but cook tuna casserole at 3:50, and finally get in touch with Marj at 4:07PM, talking for about 15 minutes until she's caused infinite laughter in that I've NOT called to do more EGYPET notes, and then lets me hang up after confessing that I've had LASTING effects from the mini-stroke on 8/5/12. Watch "La Traviata" from the Met with Natalie Dessay, a poor Alfredo of Polizani, but a THUNDERING Germont by Dmitri Hrovstovski, and decide I'll leave the two season finales for tomorrow, adding a third by putting "True Blood" on record as I turn TV off. Bed at 11:24PM.

MONDAY, 8/27/12: Wake 4:11AM and go back to sleep to 5:11AM, when I pee and weigh 192.4#. Type DREAMS:8/27/12 to 5:18 and back to bed to 6:26AM, when I pee and weigh 193.0# at 73°. FUAS 6:30-6:50AM and lie to 6:54AM. Up and watch THREE season finales: "Episodes" and "Newsroom," and don't I WISH someone would give the news as McAvoy does, leading with the GREAT story of the disenfranchisement of 20 million DEMOCRATIC voters. Then watch the LAUGHABLE season conclusion of "True Blood," with GREAT bodies and TERRIBLE plot-lines. That goes to 9:45AM, when I type this to 9:57AM, ready for a day that might include a haircut---and I would hope a phone call from Pam Hatley! Get a haircut from the same woman who gave it to me three months ago---though neither of us remembers the other while she's doing it. Then go to Key Food and pick up lots of unused groceries that are still in my fridge on Thursday as I type this, except for the handful of cherries I had last night. More TV, or mail, or something, until I start on Taipei at 3PM-4:50, and continue with Solitaire 4:50-5:40PM, then go to proof EGYPET to 7:30PM, feeling quite disgusted with the whole thing. Finish the evening somehow, and get to bed at 12:40AM.

TUESDAY, 8/28/12: 9:17AM: Shit read to 9:45, and up at 10:01AM, astounded at the amount of sleep I seem to need. Have breakfast and immediately leave for the Metropolitan Museum, buying my ticket at 11:38AM, seeing Bellini (1 painting), Titian (1 very early contested work), and Lotto (4, wow, with nine others making up the total of 15 in the show) 11:44AM-12:14PM. Then pass "Naked before the Camera" and see that 12:17-12:54PM, with one strikingly long Black and the slightest hint at "homoerotic" work. Search deep into the Moslem world for find Contemporary Iranian Art, lingering over a computer showing all the pages of a half-dozen wonderful books, but the seven pieces of art are not that great, from 1:01-1:24PM. Durer is next, starting in detail, finishing in general 1:34-2:31PM. Downstairs to hunt out the Ellsworth Kelly Plant Drawings in all their nonentity 2:36-2:55, the most part just sitting looking at the people looking at the line drawings. Buy a