GREEN GO-CARD
(a one-act by Bob Zolnerzak)
MONOLOGUE FOR AUTHOR
The Green Go-Card: not Go-CART, you understand. Having worked for Thomas Watson Junior at IBM back in the---ahem---late fifties---right after I got out of kindergarten, of course---I date back to the time when computers were actually fed data by means of CARDS. As in "Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate"? Rectangular cardboard cards, usually with eighty punched columns, held programs and data and test cases---just about EVERYTHING you wanted to feed into computers. (Pause) ANYWAY, the purpose of this monologue is NOT computer-education, so I'll get to the Go-Card. Since computers were fed all kinds of information in the same media, you had special cards that clued the computer about what it was GOING to get and what it had just GOTTEN. Programs were introduced by LOADERS, which told the computer that programs were following, and data was introduced by a "DATA" card: that is, a card with the four letters D-A-T-A punched into it that told the computer that what followed was data. In the same way, if you wanted the computer to not only READ IN the program, but also to RUN the program, you followed the deck of program cards with a Go-Card: a card that had the two letters G and O punched into it. Simple.
Well, one weekend I was working in Poughkeepsie (where the newest, largest, and most expensive computers were built and tested) on a machine called the 7090, which was actually time-leased to customers at the rate of $1000/hour because it was so enormous---it filled more than one large room---and so fast (about as fast as the first laptop). I was feeding in cards with a bunch of programs and the computer was eating them up until it got to MY program. It read my Go-Card and stopped. This was NOT what was supposed to happen! I took the stack of cards out of the card-reader and squared them up and fanned them out and checked the edge of the Go-Card to make sure it wasn't wrinkled or torn or otherwise mutilated and fed it in again. Same stop! Hundreds of dollars down the drain with no progress! I checked the Go-Card again, and this time the red color-band on the top of the card caught my eye. Hm. Back on Madison Avenue I'd always used a GREEN Go-Card. How silly! But I found a blank green-edged card and slid it into the keypunch and typed G and O in the first two columns and put it at the back of my program deck and ZINGO: it DID go. I had to have a GREEN Go-Card!
Well, let me tell you: my LIFE needs a green Go-Card! Oh, I'm still GOING (like that ancient pink bunny), but I'm not---really---GOING! I'm still TRAVELING, but the results of my trips don't impress me as much as they used to. Sure, I showed a couple of people the slides I took on my trip to Spain and France in May, but even though the audience was VERY appreciative, I just didn't call the six or eight people per three or four groups that I'd usually call for an evening's viewing. Yes, some friends have died; some friends have moved away---but SOME new friends have taken the places of SOME of them. But, speaking of travel, my friends seem more DISTANT than they did before. Not the same ZAP in conversations. Nothing to get really EXCITED about: if you've BEEN to five of the best restaurants in the world in one four-day stretch in Paris, you DON'T get hyper-enthusiastic about a decent new restaurant in New York. Relative strangers go "Oooh---ahhhh" when I tell them I'm going to Tibet October 13th. Unfortunately, it's not that big a deal to ME! Oh, SURE, I'll love walking through the Potala and the Jokhang in Lhasa and taking a bus through the countryside, but I'm more concerned about the fact that I have only THREE traveling companions on that part of the trip: the Wambolds from Key Colony Beach (about the middle of the Florida Keys), and a Mrs. Jenny Zanzuri from San Juan, Puerto Rico. Jenny Zanzuri sure doesn't sound Spanish! Do I covet her two Z's? Gosh, four Z's among four people! An alphabetized list that starts with W! What if we don't get along? I know VERY little Tibetan! And what if something happens on the trip? [In fact, Mrs. Wambold LOST the use of her knee and had to leave the trip! Jenny ZZ and Bob ZZ continued with the extension and later joined the rest of the group.] On the French trip, my friend Ken broke a tooth. Today, bending over to pick something up, I threw my back out. I NEVER throw my back out! It happened to me today! Things are NOT good! I've actually had to ADMIT I'm slowing down, have less energy than before!