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LISTS: Thrown away books, personal obsessions, things to do, “Acid House” sent list, films in many forms, unforgettable days, coincidences, Hemlock Hall trips, hates, ballets, commonly misspelled words, and autographs I have. And more!

AL 6


The Nelson Doubleday Personal success program seems to contain everything that's NOT needed for life as I know it now: How to remember facts and figures, I wish I could FORGET more facts; How to teach: since one can LEARN only through DOING, the only thing worth teaching is: DO; How to remember names and faces: If you want to remember them, you do, otherwise, why clutter up your mind, just who IS it whom you want to impress?; How to organize your time seems the very antithesis of a flexible life. So OUT THEY GO.

American Men of Letters (list price something over $36, purchased for $1)

Sherwood Anderson: "Perhaps in some essential part of me---never in the (Born and lived around Akron and Cleveland) flesh---I have, all my life, loved men more than I have ever loved women." page 212, and the whole book seems to gyrate around that, and nothing more.

Theodore Dreiser: "The utterly infinitesimal individual weaves among the mysteries (Lived around Dayton) a floss-like and wholly meaningless course---if course it be. In short I catch no meaning from all I have seen, and pass quite as I came, confused and dismayed." What a lousy way to go, and how boring his common life was.

Henry James: "the long sentence that runs extravagantly on through hazards of grammar and sense to its triumphant conclusion." page 17. "James might be called the great feminine novelist of a feminine age in letters," page 113 (No WONDER I don't like him.) "They are only winged busts," says Andre Gide; "all the weight of the flesh is absent, all the shaggy, tangled undergrowth, all the wild darkness," page 125. Hardy said that he had "a ponderously warm manner of saying nothing in infinite sentences", page 161. He dictated his books to a typist at a phenomenal speed "because his natural eloquence was so astonishing and because he was given to the prolonged gestation and planning of his books." page 321.

Herman Melville: "Already I feel that this Hawthorne has dropped germanous seeds into my soul. He expands and deepens down, the more I contemplate him; and further and further, shoots his strong New England roots in the hot soul of my Southern soul." It is an astonishingly sexual image, but probably only such an image could adequately have expressed Melville's feeling," page 138. EVERYWHERE his purported gayness enters this book. "Ortega says, "to enjoy a novel we must feel surrounded by it on all sides, the great novels are essentially lavish of particulars." VERY good, p. 147. (Melville's pursuit of the white sperm). I feel I should read Typee and Omoo. Certainly the best of the lot, but still dreadfully and boringly written.

Walt Whitman: "Probably the best supposition about Whitman is that he was sexually versatile, that he was more strongly drawn to men than to women, but that probably his life was not overtly and actually sexual at all," page 39. "The evidence that Whitman had heterosexual relations is almost as substantial as the evidence that he was homosexual---and neither is VERY substantial." page 48. From "Song of Myself": "Something I cannot see puts upward libidinous prongs / Seas of bright juice suffuse heaven." So I get rid of a truly dreadful quintology of biographies.

IBM Skills Inventory from 1967, never used for writing.

Even more film catalogues and wine and mixed-drink lists, never used.

Chemical-Biological-Radiological material from July, 1958.

Charles and Co. Catalog of fine foods.

Sound effects record catalogue.

Institute of Radio Engineers Guide (IRE) never used in writing.

New School Bulletin for Fall, 1969, never used to say I'm a student for China visa.

The Catholic Layman's Guide from 1942.

1961 Scott Stamp Catalogues, Volumes I and II, gift from Stu Bernstein.

German Reading Grammar, never used since I quit after two weeks.

The Armed Forces Officer, from 1950.

Leadership, Drill, and Exercise of Command for ROTC students, with nice body drawings.

Contemporary French Short Stories, edited by William Holbrook.

The Officer's Guide from 1957, never even looked at through Army "career."

The Biological Effects of Atomic Radiation from 1956.

January 1964 Journal of the ACM as an example of mathematical journals.

Merchant's Green Stamp Giftbook from 1964.

How to Dance, by Thomas E. Parson, had for years, never used.

Bulletin of the American Physical Society from March 1964.

Venture Magazine, kept for the 3-D cover picture, from October 1965.

Russian mimeographed lessons from Columbia University, Summer, 1958, never looked at.

Twenty issues of the Famous Writer's Magazine, from Winter, 1963, through Fall, 1967, and only took out two articles: one about agents, and one about Bennett Cerf talking about what happens to submitted books.

And that's all for the period ending January 31, 1970!!

Then toward the end of February Eddie calls and says he wants books for bookshelves in his apartment, and I sift through and find three more 2/26/70:

"Winston Churchill, an Intimate Portrait," by Violet Bonham Carter, given to me one Christmas or Birthday by Rita, not interested in it, never read.

"Cannibals and Christians" by Norman Mailer, I glanced through it, took out the photograph of the pretty vertical city he built, and read none of it, since I dislike his style of self-writing so completely, especially since the moon series of articles in Life Magazine, which all letters disliked, too.

"Ship of Fools" by Catharine Anne Porter, which I didn't like very much while I was reading it, and it was just a mélange of people and incidents without unity, without great style, without any "universal truths," just masses of details about Jewish prejudices, Mexican filthiness, Spanish sex, and encounters between various types of people. She obviously describes herself when she writes: P84 "She had a poor memory and a passion for recording every minutest detail of her daily existence mingled with scraps of philosophy, observations, reminiscence and meditation. For years she had filled notebook after notebook with tiny jottings in a sharp cultivated little handwriting, and as they were filled, she put them away neatly and never looked at them again." Except CAP did take them out, string them all together, and manage to get them published as the 497 page "Ship of Fools" and I felt like a fool for having bought it, and felt somewhat better for having found a good way to get rid of it.

DIARY 1001
AL 9


90 + 5 = 95
lists 206-216

The following were rooted out (with some difficulty) on March 26, 1970, because Eddie wanted more books to fill up his shelves, and this will increase the stack of books I want to give away to him to 17 inches:

1. Damon Knight, Mind Switch, recommended by Shawan Fox, but pretty lousy. Invented the "thumbwatch" rather amusing. He can be mildly amusing, but it's science fiction from the pulp era, with little things, like a canary in a cage: "One pin-sized golden eye blinked at him; the creature said, 'Weep?'" Or sex among the bipeds: "with an instinctive deftness which took them both by surprise, he bit her knob off."

2. E.R. Eddison, "The Worm Ouroboros, recommended by Orville Prescott as "A fantasy to compare with "Lord of the Rings"," but he didn't say that it compared UNFAVORABLY. Bad, like "he was naked to the waist, his hair, breast and arms to the armpits clotted and adrop with blood and in his hands two bloody daggers." The names don't quite scan: like Lords Juss, Goldry Bluszco, Spitfire and Brandoch Daha, King Paramount of Beshtria and Nevria and Prince of Ar." "And the King smote the ground with his head, and the bones of his head and his spine were driven together and smashed, and blood flowed from his ears and nose." Some not bad, as "They journeyed by the southern margin of a gravelly sea, made all of sand the gravel and no drop of water, yet ebbing and flowing away with great waves as another sea doth, never standing still and never at rest." "This King wearest on his thumb that worm Ouroboros which doctors have from the old made for an ensample of eternity, whereof the end is ever at the beginning and the beginning at the end for ever more." Alliterative it may be, but is it true: "Lovers live by love as larks by leeks." "They were immortal, bearing ichor in their veins, not blood; and the fire of it showed in their eyes like lamps burning." "Amorous commerce of Brandoch Daha (and for 530 pages, yet). with the Lady of Ishnain Nemartra, who lays a weird upon him." UGH!!

3. Pillow Problems and a Tangled Tale, by Lewis Carroll: much too complex.

4. Parodies, by Dwight MacDonald, some good parodies of Poe and Eisenhower, but this was one of the books for a buck from some literary guild, and not really worth the space on the bookshelf. Awful for $7.50 list.

5. Women (Autobiographical reflections of a Frustrated Male), but John Philip Lundin, Ph.D., a "description of the author's sexual experience with ten women." Of consummate stupidity, list at $6.50, not worth a quarter. Rather typical: "Her entire bush of red hair was white with foam, and we were united by a puddle of juice and sweat." "There had never been anyone like her." "She was the only girl with whom I was ever really in love." "I thought she was the most beautiful woman in world, which manifestly was an absurdity, because I hadn't seen all the women in the world." THIS is such a cliché that even the proofreader skimmed over the missing "the" in the first phrase! "She was such a passionate creature that she couldn't stay away from me." "Florence excepted, I was and am marriage-proof." "I believed then and I believe now that she had the most beautiful body I've even seen." "She exuded a charm which comes only with intense activity of the soul." And the rest of the book is WORSE!

AL 11


1) Krishnamurti Bulletin: Krishnamurti Foundation of America, P.O. Box 216, Ojai, California 95023 (Send $5 for "This Light in Oneself," record of 1968, send $5 more and ask to be put on mailing list, 354 for booklet "Five conversations.") Sent $10 12/19/69

2) Zen Meditation Center, 67th, between 2nd and 3rd, THURS 6:15 pm.

3) Jnana yoga: intellectual (Swami Vivekananda book good).

4) Lois Ann Cohen, 3 Cresthill Road, Lawrenceville, N.J. 609-882-3163 (To see Shyam).

5) Helen Schulman, 411 E. 10th St, Apt 14B, N.Y.C. GR 7-8533 Tuesday 8 pm, meditation classes, $2, with Swami Brahmananda.

6) Dr. Charles Clay Dahlberg, 415 E. 87th St, N.Y.C., LSD psychoanalysis.

7) Henry Gellis, MU 8-4900

8) Marv Casper, 203-443-1509, Box 1333, Connecticut College, New London, Conn.

9) Susan Wietzman, 251 W. 95th St., RI 9-6571.

10) Charlotte Selver, 73rd between Columbus and Amsterdam, Classes.

11) Jim Brousal, 330 W. 87th St, NYC 10024, 362-6094.

AL 13


1. "Something's wrong"
2. Limited means (because of 7)
3. What do I do? NOTHING
4. Friends are boring FIND NEW ONES
5. "Looking for love" LOVE ANYONE
6. Too much "busy work" STOP FUSSING
7. Unpublished WRITE
8. Afraid of planes, pain, fear
9. Afraid of death


1. Happy (but this is 2, 5, 7, 8, 9)
2. Secure
3. Feeling of accomplishment (but this is 7)
4. Good circle of friends
5. "steady" lover
6. Moderate activities: opera, ballet, movies
8. Unafraid of planes, pain, fear (but this is 9)
9. Unafraid of death

DIARY 1100
AL 14


I'm absolutely staggered by the number of things I WANT to do:

1) 6/1/70: Get back to writing the book

2) Write short stories for Gay

3) 5/18/70: Write or select some more things for "The River"

4) 5/14/70: Write a letter about cash for the government to Avco (by May 15)

5) Finish segments of "Acid House" for Elaine

6) Finish segments of "Acid House" for Bob's readings

7) 5/15/70: Xerox copies of "The River" for Claudia, Cyndy, John, Azak, Seavers, Don, Bill, Rita
#5 #7 #8 #9
12 14 14 17
Life-S?? Letter Letter

8) 5/30/70: Generate resume for my job as book editor

9) 5/20/70: Generate list of book publishers for sending resume to

10) 5/19/70: Get a copy of Publisher's Weekly to see how to write an ad (16th floor, 1180 6th Ave, 9:15-5 pm)

11) Visit with Backster and see about working for him part time (265-6824 (teaches 2-5) 165 W. 46th

12) 5/21/70: Write Bill and Claudia and Paul and Don and Rita and Elaine

13) 6/18/70: Call about getting the apartment painted (Walentis 541-7341)
1: WAL: He'll check and call
2: WAL: Secretary out to lunch
3: Secretary: Here 3 days, I'll check
4: Secretary: He's on phone
5: Yes---they'll all be done at once in July

14) See about getting the living and hall rugs cleaned

15) 6/24/70: See about buying a bicycle

16) 5/6/70: Plant pot seeds to see if they germinate

17) 5/12/70: See Krippner at the Universalist Church (May 12)

18) 5/8/70: Keep up with daily exercising

19) 5/16/70: See about spending a week at Marty's or Bob's on the Island

20) 5/17/70: Get the last of Joe's paintings back from the framer (he'll call)

21) 5/11/70: Send the nutcracker back to Directory 70 (before May 9)

22) 5/7/70): Send for a few selected pornographic items

23) 5/13/70: See "Woodstock" with Bob (He'll call)

24) 5/29/70: Take Bob and Nina out to dinner some evening (he'll call)

25) 5/22/70: Go to Washington for a weekend with John (May 22-24)

26) 5/9/70: Weekends at the beach with John

27) 5/26/70: Read the books I want to read

28) 5/25/70: Keep up the windows, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning the apartment

29) 5/23/70: Get Arno, Bill Berk and friend, orgy group, Cyndy, Marty, Bob and Nina to come over

30) 5/10/70: See Azak if he has the tie receipt so I can change for scarves

31) 5/24/70: Keep up with Diary pages, along with special typing

32) 5/17/70: Check if and how we see Don's Steve (May 17)

33) 5/28/70: Get antlers back (he'll call)

34) 5/31/70: Spend week at Marty's

DIARY 1370
AL 15


NYC is too noisy, dirty, crowded
NYC is very expensive to live in
I'd have to get rid of lotsa junk
I've already lived in it 13 years
Give me a chance to see a new city
Would give me a chance to travel
Could get used to a quieter life
Get closer to nature, the earth
Am I afraid of moving somewhere?
Graft and pollution news awful
New museums, shows, languages

I know it very well, like it a lot
I'd have to figure where to MOVE to
I could get rid of junk WITHOUT moving
I have to live SOMEWHERE
I like the activities in NYC
Would give an excuse away from writing
I go out of my mind in Maine and Akron
Publishing a book would be difficult
Am I afraid to stay where I am?
I'd find the same news EVERYWHERE
Not as many gay bars, no orgies, no PEOPLE


1) Move to another US town? None interest me.
2) Buy a trailer, move into it, travel US and Canada? Who with? It's expensive. It's something I should leave until AFTER I write the book. One can't MAKE friends like one leaves in NYC, and WHO would come with me?
3) Move somewhere overseas? Rio? I'd have to learn a language, get a job. London? And get used to unwashed people? Cold water? Fog? Crowds?
4) Travel the world? Again, who with? It's expensive. It's something I should leave until AFTER I write the book.
But wouldn't I always get homesick for NYC? The ballet, the opera, the bars, the people, the orgies, the flash and change and excitement and novelty? And, if I did ANYTHING before writing the book, the book would prey on my mind, detract from my fun, make me feel guilty, make me want to RETURN to the stability of place I've found ONLY in New York. And there IS John! And one ABSOLUTELY needs money to travel in any fun way---if I want to get a schlock job, best it be in NYC, where the pay would be the best. So I can ONLY think of moving A) AFTER I've written the book and have made money there, or B) I've gotten a job which is TRANSFERABLE overseas with IT.

DIARY 1385
AL 16


la Charité---nice town
St. Benoit---Romanesque church
Germigny des Pres---Romanesque
SKIP Orleans
Chambord---bad condition (being restored), disappointing
Azay-le-Rideau---nice town
Chinon---PLACE nice
Perne-le-Fontain---12th Century frescos
Nimes---Roman temples
Eygueres---nice town
Vence---le Gourdon---incredible mountains and view
Porquerolles---island off Toulon---off-season great
near Macon---Berze-le-ville---frescos from Cluny-like artist, Cluny's lost
Cluny---worth seeing
Dijon---not interesting
Troyes---nice churches---flamboyant Gothic
Reims and Laon cathedrals
Amiens and Beauvais cathedrals---not into Beauvais---all flying buttresses
near Port-Aven, nice fishing villages
Karnak interesting
la Baule---nice beaches
St. Phillippe Ibert---oldest Roman church in France
Chantilly and Saint-Chapelle and St. Denis---near Paris---all well worth a visit.

DIARY 1781
AL 18


three pages to catch up to date, and then start on the retyping of "Acid House," since I'm willing to take John's word that Geis might keep it for as long as 6-8 months, and I'm not going to just let it sit: I want to send a copy to

Don O'Shea (#11: 4/5 and letter; 5/20: didn't like characters), now that he knows I'm gay, give a copy to

Joan Sumner (#18: 6/21; would make good play, no good now), she may be back May 23, so that she might see play-possibilities SHE could follow up with, to

NY Literary Agency (#1: 3/16; 11/24: return in a week), 859-4427, that I called last night, and she said she wanted to see, to

Henry Clay Kern (#2: 3/16; 4/1: try paperback, first person, first draft better; NO charge), who reads things and comments on them from the NY Times,

Author Aid Associates (#3: 3/16; 3/18: $50; 3/19: I send $50; 4/5: No (gyp!)), which is right here in New York City,

Stuart Rose of Author's Guidance Service (#4: 3/16; 3/23: $100; 3/26: I send $100; 4/6: get $100; 4/23: No), who is in Pennsylvania, to Azak to give to

Tom Davis (#6: 3/17: Tom Davis NOW works for McGraw-Hill now on History, and feels NOT qualified to critique a work of fiction), even though he IS out of a job, and to

Barbara Brimberg (#16: 4/27; 4/29: No! Fastest No in town!) to give to Theron Raines, even though he's only her cousin's agent. Then I want to send one to

Bill Hyde (#15: 4/8: WANT it?; 4/12: No mention; 5/6: SEND it; 5/20: SENT it; 10/19: Didn't like it), just to see his reaction to it, and I could send one to

Elaine Restifo (#5: 3/17; 3/23: She doesn't like it; 4/15: sends it back), who might know some publishers through the River. Then I want to send one to

Hollywood Hospital (#7: letter 3/18; 3/24: Reply. He want to HIDE it, so he won't SELL it), just to see THEIR reaction. And maybe

Lois Cohen (#12: 4/5 and letter 6/14, blank) would be interested, she might know publishers.

Arthur Derounian (#8 letter 3/18; 7/7: reply: Ask for likely publishers), being a writer, might be able to help me.

Avi Golub (#14: read 3/18; Suggests Evergreen Publishers) wanted to read it, maybe he can help with some of his many friends. Let

Bob Rosinek (#13: gave 4/12; Returned "dated" 4/19) read it, since he knows many people through the gallery. Let

Arno Safier (#17: Read 5/21; Characters don't act like ANY kind of professional therapists) read it, maybe he has connections who could help.

Alan Vaughan(#9: Letter 3/18; 3/22: Giving it to Sidney Porcelain; 4/6: Send it; 4/27: SENT it; 6/10: Sidney Porcelain, Box 374, Rocky Hill, NJ 08553, LIKES it) is a freelance editor into this field, show it to him! And why NOT send another copy out to

Random House (#10: 4/1; 4/29: No) 201 E. 50th St., NY NY 10022; it sure can't HARM it. For 20 copies, at Copyquick prices, it comes out to $79.38, with tax, or about $4 a copy, and for 5 copies, it comes out $27.56, or $5.50 a copy. John might do it free at Dutton's, but with 2080 sheets of paper??? They may be generous and unobservant, but that would be asking TOO much. To John's at 6 for lamb dinner, very good, and to "Deafman Glance" at the Brooklyn Academy, which was so different it deserves a separate page of evaluation, and this really isn't a regular page of diary, anyway. Back to John's about midnight and fall into bed with anger (see DIARY 1783).

SATURDAY, MARCH 6. Up having great shooting sex with Baby Magic and I'm home at 10.

REGULAR sendings: Dec: Meredith: Dec 4 - Jan. 7
Jan: Grove: Jan. 15 - Jan. 20
Feb: Geis: Jan. 20 - Apr. 1
Mar: Random: Apr. 1 - Apr. 29
Apr: Lyle Stuart: Apr. 29 - May 3
May: Harcourt Brace: May 5 - Jun. 11

Copies at: 1) NY Literary Agency (she'll sent it LATER), 3) Lois Cohen, 4) Sidney Porcelain, 5) Vantage, 6) With Alex and Norma. Next to 3) Dell, 4) Lancer, 5) Pocket Books.

Paperback companies: Ace: no. Avon: only reprints. Ballentine books Apr. 29 - May 3. Bantam Books: No. Dell: May 13: No. David McKay: May 5 - May 18. William Morrow: May 20 - Jun. 4. Crown Publishers Inc., 419 Park Avenue South, Jun. 9: Laura Stevenson LIKED it! City Lights: No. Evergreen Press: No. Vantage Press: 6/15/7/26: Send it back: 11/23. Random House has Vintage; Fawcett has Crest; Harcourt has Harvest. William Morrow & Co., 105 Madison Ave., NY NY 10016. Dell Publishing Co., Inc., 750 Third Ave. (47th), NY NY 10017. Harcourt Brace Jovanovich Inc., 757 Third Avenue (48th) NY NY 10017.

DIARY 2858
AL 19


Look through the ads and circle about nine good ones. Phone them and find most of them too expensive, but get two to see and a duplex on 73rd and two places to register at for agencies. Walk up CPW charting the possibilities, and there are only 14 buildings in the 15 blocks between 59-73, and most of them are co-ops. To Fran Saxl's and get a listing of three apartments,

1. Find the duplex at 126 W. 73rd too small and dark for $389, on ground floor. Then up to Joel Rhodes at 12, not waiting for the Verdi Arms to open on 73rd, as the 42 would be too much money and probably too small. Out at 12:30, hot and rather exasperated, with a listing of eight apartments!

2. #92 at 171 W. 79th, 52 rooms, was quite lovely and bright, but I wanted 2C more.

3. 165's nonexistence sent me back to Rhodes to find it's 164 W. 79, but the super wasn't there OR across in 135, so I didn't see 12C, 6 rooms, $365.

4. Elevator man said super said 7D at 215 W. 90th for $375 was rented.

5. 6th floor 42 at 316 W. 94 had no keys, but the apartment faces only the building across the way in an awful neighborhood, all welfare hotels.

6. 4A of 299 Riverside Drive was not good, not bad for $375, but the layout was funny and the bathroom was dark and single, and low-flying helicopters hurt.

7. (Saxl) 5D for $300 at 865 West End was darkish and too small. Then I stopped for lunch at La Pyramide and rested from 2:15 to 3 pm.

8. 6M at 300 W. 109th for $375 was big, had white tenants, but faced noisy Broadway.

9. (Saxl) 9A of 467 CPW, a 52 for $349 was ABSOLUTE north and a LOUD building.

10. 8F at 825 West End was awfully dark for $375 (for 865-5857 agent).

11. 4H at 240 W. 98 was along Broadway, pretty poor for $425 (865-5857 agent).

12. 7E of 215 W 98 was darkish, again noisy Broadway, too little for $395.

13. 702 West End I tried to call super but he was not there, for a $300 duplex.

14. 105 W. 55th I discarded because it was on the noisy front near horn-y City Center.

And at 4:50 I walked in the rain down to the New Yorker, then later took John and Hamp up to see it, but later complications with the landlord made habitation of the second, best, one almost impossible, but got more addresses from agents, so there's going to be more days of apartment hunting soon.

DIARY 2901
AL 20


Check new listings from Susan, and John looks over the list that I'd recorded and has these opinions, even without looking at them, not wasting time:

15. 380 Riverside Drive, $325, but 111th Street is too high for John's tastes.

16. 215 W. 92nd, apt 13G, 4 rooms + dinette for $350 is too small: John.

17. 365 West End, Apt 302 for $425, might come down, too expensive: John.

18. 105 West 73rd, Apt 1C for $370, obviously on ground floor, too dark: John.

19. 316 W. 94th, 42 rooms, one bath for $325 is obviously too small: John.

20. We subway up to 515 West End at 85th, apartment 6A for $350, and after getting the keys, John insists that it's too small and too dark, though it's about the size of many others I've been looking at, and I tell him so.

21. Walk across to 1 W. 85th, apt 1F, for $350, though it might be $375, and it's REALLY in the bottom of light wells, even I would agree it's too dark, but John adds the new criterion: "It's too jumbly-looking for us."

22. Down to 164 W. 79th, apt 12C, 6 rooms, all quite large, quoted to us by Susan for $365, but later she says that Sandy's told her that it's REALLY $375, and I say we'd take it for $365 on MAY 1, which is John's way of insisting that he doesn't want to pay ANY overlapping rent, in order to save the money to go to Europe in the fall, and I tend to agree with him.

23. Stopped by 84th and CPW to see a 6-room apartment advertised, and we go up to 11D for $650, and John says it's an awful layout, and the rooms are too long and narrow: the whole park wall would have to be glass to give them a feeling of spaciousness and of being on the park. He'll learn.

24. Last was 151 W. 74th, apartment 6A, finally a sunny apartment, listed at 52 rooms, 22 baths, though it's really 12 bath, which halves are more closets than anything else, for $370. John directs that, compared with others we've looked at, admittedly smaller than some darker ones for $350, we'll offer $350, and again we wouldn't dream of taking it before May 1.

I tell Susan all this on Monday, and she SAYS she talks to landlords, and says "April is the busiest month in real estate business, and there's not a CHANCE that these will be ours," unless we agree to move in on April 21, at the earliest, since they'd still hold out the hope of renting them. Try brownstones, she adds, if we want no overlapping in rent, no fees, but smaller places.

DIARY 3261
AL 23


Start with (1) Smith (1357 Broadway and 42nd), who had the proofreading ad which needed experience with type fonts. A tiny, one-man office (sign CONTRACT with "LIABLTY"), he told me about cold vs hot type, says he'll TRY to get freelance work for me, which would be fee-paid (but he'll take part of my PAY), and I have my first run-in with a contract, which generally (in the pay range I must have) asks for 60% of the first full month's wages. One person waiting (366 Madison at 45th). (2) Robert Norman is a big office (sign contract) (leave resume), three others waiting, and I talk to Helen Akullian, who's cold to snippy, not really interested in me, saying there's NO temporary work, and they MAY have something for a technical writer, but NO EDP. (3) When I find where Mary Diehl (50 E. 42nd) is (back on 42nd) I decide to backtrack down there, leaving the biggest of the publishing firms for last on upper Madison, and she has a middle-sized office with 5 people waiting, and I talk to Dan Gage (sign contract) (leave resume), who's nice, though admittedly he can't concentrate after 1 pm and he thinks it very unusual to see such a press of people outside at 3 pm. He ends up by saying that I can't expect anything, and he'll pass on any freelance fee-paid technical writing jobs he gets. (Only for Robert Norman was I so put off by the person that I insisted I wanted technical writing jobs in fields NOT related to Data Processing). (4) is Remer-Ribelow (2 W. 45th), which is only a small office with three others waiting, and I don't even get a FORM to fill out, merely leave the resume, saying "There's nothing," and as much as asking "Why did you come to US?" Call George Reid back at Insight about this time, and he has nothing, and I eat a greasy hi-protein platter and a hideous dietary chocolate freeze at Chock-Full, and continue uptown, after Mexico, to (5) Hadle (501 Madison at 52nd), a small place with no one waiting, in which again I don't fill out a form, leave resume only, and get told "nothing now." (6) Lynn Palmer (tiny) has one waiting (75 E. 55th), and a plaque with the message "Interviews between 9 am - 2 pm only," which explains why Gage was puzzled by the crowds at 3, and the secretary goes back and (no form, but have music) returns with "Miss Palmer says there's nothing now." So at 4:15 I'm finished, feeling worn out and depressed from the constant "no" of asking for computing or technical writing work for me.

DIARY 3263
AL 24


Get six from ads from Sunday's Times, then add three more in looking through the yellow pages. Out at 2:30, stopping first at 175 Remsen Street for the

(1) New York State Employment Agency, but they tell me that programming and writing is all handled at the Professional Placement Center at 444 Madison.

(2) Manpower at 50 Court (801) is large, has NO programming, LITTLE proofreading, and NOTHING now. No registration, "Maybe Wednesday, when students quit."

(3) Accurate at 44 Court advertised DP in its yellow pages ad, but they say they haven't had anything in quite awhile (they're small and have no one even waiting for them to process), so there's no use to register at all.

(4) Feely is associated with "Wrenn and Schmid" for Snelling and Snelling, which has ONLY fulltime jobs available, has some poor-paying proofing fulltime.

(5) Office Temporaries is in 1710, they have no programming, very little P-R, "and we get our cut, so our rates are $2-$3, probably, not as much as freelance."

(6) Allied is down on 904, but they only interview until 3 pm, and it's 3:10, so I chat with her, she says I should come back tomorrow morning and register.

(7) Staff Builders also advertises for DP in 315, but they have NOTHING, and a woman comes out to make SURE I don't want to be a secretary, and offers me a stab at Rogers-Peet, where she guesses they want a man to sell clothes.

(8) TOSI (Temporary Office Services, Inc) is across the floor at 309, and it's the smallest and briefest of them all: I say what I want, they say "No, sorry."

(9) Olsten in 201 is by far the most business-like of them all, having everyone fill in a large orange form (where I say "I can type, but I don't want a job typing"), a withholding form, and a bonding form, and talk to the woman who says there might be something, then in to Dorothy who says she MIGHT get some proofreading or library work, probably no programming, but if I even want to "come down" to secretarial work, I should contact her, and I hear her stage whisper "Such a smart boy" as I walk out of the last office. Here I've been trying to get ANYTHING, even proofreading and copyediting.

DIARY 3302
AL 25


Bicycle Thief is first, followed by City Lights, The Gold Rush, and Potemkin.

Citizen Kane (Welles, 1941) 22
L'Avventura (Antonioni, 1960) 20
La Regle du Jeu (Renoir, 1939) 19
Greed (Von Stroheim, 1924) 17
Ugetsu Monogatari (Mizuguchi, 1953) 17
Potemkin (Eisenstein, 1925) 16
Bicycle Thief (DeSica, 1949) 16
Ivan the Terrible (Eisenstein, 1943-6) 16
La Terra Trema (Visconti, 1948) 14
L'Atalante (Vigo, 1933) 13
Hiroshima, Mon Amour (Resnais, 1959) 12
Zero de Conduite (Vigo) 11

Citizen Kane (Welles, 1941) 32
La Regle du Jeu (Renoir, 1939) 28
Potemkin (Eisenstein, 1925) 16
8½ (Fellini, 1963) 15
L'Avventura (Antonioni, 1960) 12
Persona (Bergman, 1967) 12
Passion of Joan of Arc (Dreyer, 1928) 11
General (Keaton, 1926) 10
Magnificent Ambersons (Welles, 1942) 9
Ugetsu Monogatari (Mizuguchi, 1953) 9
Wild Strawberries (Bergman, 1957) 9
Gold Rush (Chaplin, 1925) 8
Hiroshima, Mon Amour (Resnais, 1959) 8
Ikiru (Kurasawa, 1952) 8
Ivan the Terrible (Eisenstein, 1943-46) 8
Pierrot le Fou (Godard, 1968) 8
Vertigo (Hitchcock, 1958) 8
La Grande Illusion (Renoir, 1937) 7
Mouchette (Bresson, 1966) 7
The Searchers (Ford, 1956) 7
Sunrise (Murneau, 1927) 7
2001, A Space Odyssey (Kubrick, 1968) 7
Viridiana (Bunuel, 1961) 7

Welles 46
Renoir 41
Bergman 37
Bunuel 33
Eisenstein 29
John Ford 28
Godard 28
Keaton 25
Fellini 23
Antonioni 22
Chaplin 22
Dreyer 22

DIARY 3702
AL 26


Got the magazine from Arnie, who wants it back, so here's the list of places to see:

Ritz Hotel, Paris
Ritz Hotel, Madrid
Ritz Hotel, Lisbon

Montecatini Spa near Florence
Ischia Spa near Capri
Badan-Baden Spa near Strasbourg
Carlsbad Spa in Czechoslovakia
Vichy Spas in France

Wentworth-by-the-Sea, New Castle Island, Portsmouth, New Hampshire (1873)
The Mountain View House, Whitefield, New Hampshire (1865)
The Mohonk Mountain House, New Paltz, New York (1870)
The Homestead, Hot Springs, Virginia (1901)
The Greenbrier, White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia (1897)
The Cloister, Sea Island, Georgia (1928)
The Belleview Biltmore, Belleair, Florida (1897)
Grand Hotel, Mackinac Island, Michigan (1887)
Arizon Biltmore, Phoenix, Arizona (1929)
The Broadmoor, Colorado Springs, Colorado (1918)
Del Coronado, San Diego, California (1888)
Del Monte Lodge, Pebble Beach, California (1880_

Plaza Hotel, New York City
Sherry Netherland Hotel, New York City
Whiteface Inn, Lake Placid, New York
Sheraton-Palace Hotel, San Francisco
Royal Hawaiian Hotel, Honolulu
Savannah, Georgia
Newport, Rhode Island
Oloffson Hotel, Port-au-Prince, Haiti
Chateau Frontenac, Quebec City
Connaught Hotel, London
Claridge's Hotel, London
Savoy Hotel, London
Gravetye Manor, East Grinstead, England
Gleneagles, Auchterarder, Scotland
Dromoland Castle, Ireland
Ashford Castle, Ireland
Crillon Hotel, Paris
Meurice Hotel, Paris
Maxim's, Paris
George V Hotel, Paris
Deauville, France
Chateaux of the Loire, France
Biarritz, France
Hotel du Cap, Antibes
Monte Carlo
Castlehotel de Hooge Vuursche, Amsterdam
Wittebrug, The Hague
Bruges, Belgium
Schloss Laudon, Vienna
Sacher Hotel, Vienna
Palace Hotel, St. Moritz
Dolder-Grand, Zurich
Burgenstock, Lucerne
Castle Kronberg, Frankfurt
Tivoli Gardens, Copenhagen
Marienlyst Hotel, Elsinore
Hotel Angleterre Cafe, Copenhagen
Drottningholm Court Theater, Stockholm
Bolkesjo, Telemark
Grand Hotel, Rome
Villa D'Este, Cernobbio
Exclesior Palace, Lido, Venice
Gritti Palace Hotel, Venice
Capri, Italy
Grand Bretagne Hotel, Athens
Mamounia Hotel, Marrakech, Morocco
Fijiya Hotel, Fuji-Hakone-Izu National Park, Japan
Grand Palace, Bangkok, Thailand
Repulse Bay Hotel, Hong Kong
Peninsula Hotel, Hong Kong
Udaipur Palace Hotel, Udaipur, India
Taj Mahal Inter-Continental Hotel, Bombay, India

DIARY 4273
AL 27


After looking at the item "Work on 'Gay-Job List'" on my "Do" list for over a year and a half, I decided to get it out and LOOK at it, and find that it's totally out of date. The idea came when I read a New York Magazine article about Sexual Therapy Treatment Programs, and how Dr. Kaplan of the New York Hospital Sexual Disorders Program talked about the need for sexual therapy, and I fantasized (purely) that I might be one of the therapists. That led me to making up a LIST of ways that I could get my name known as an expert in the field of homosexuality, and this is the list that I noted:

1. Write more articles for Michael's Thing, now that my story appeared.
2. Write more Mattachine Times articles, which I've done through the past.
3. Write a letter to Suffolk County Police Academy, which now seems to call no more.
4. Call Dr. Kaplan and volunteer as a therapist (now I think that's SILLY).
5. Talk to Roz Regelson (but would she tell me how to set up a class BETTER than hers?)
6. Talk to Manhattan Police (there's STILL a chance of that through Mattachine.)
7. Make up Gay Studies Lesson Plans and Bibliography (too much work now).
8. Talk to Bob Milne about how HE gets and keeps paying speaking engagements.
9. Write articles for Gay and Screw and other public gay newspapers.
10. Write articles for the Village Voice (now working my way up the ladder).
11. Write articles for New York Magazine (still thinking about doing that).
12. Try to get on Barry Farber's show and onto other radio stations.
13. GAA has/had a cable television series that needed people, why not me?
14. Apply for grants for a gay-studies book, since I'm interested in it.
15. Try to teach a Regelson-type course at the New York Community College (from 57th).
16. Try to teach a Regelson-type course at the New School in the Village.
17. Try (this IS ridiculous) to teach at Regelson's New York University.
18. Put ads for me as a speaker into the Village Voice and New York Magazine.
19. Call Bob Rosinek and Richard Lamparski for book and speaking ideas.
20. Use the Oscar Wilde Bookshop to place ads and get books for information.
21. Contact Barbara Walters and TV panels and Dick Cavett and Channel 13 Free Time.
But I'll now put this sheet into the workbook and take it OFF my TO DO list!

DIARY 4304
AL 28


That's just what I feel like, twisting and turning my head in agony back onto my shoulders: there's so much I want to DO, and there's so little TIME:

1) Stamps: wish I had about a week to put away Sergio's new ones and Cyndy's old ones.
2) Reading: wish I had about a month to read all the books on the shelf and the list.
3) Working: want to finish the indexes to get them out of the way, and do 100s of NASAs.
4) Sex: want to call Bob Grossman, go to the Continental Baths, find someone new.
5) Food: want to eat and eat and eat, an obvious sign that SOMETHING'S wrong.
6) Friends: want to talk to Sergio and John and Cyndy---but I don't HAVE many friends!!
7) Letters: want to write to Seavers and Mom and Rita and Bill---or tape to him.
8) Do-list: there it sits, with lists of things to do, and I don't have TIME!
9) Buying: want to buy books for Rita and me, paper to type on, clothes.
10) Exercise: WANT to do it, but I'm tired in the morning and away from it in the PM.
11) Travel: want to go to all the places I've never been and go back to places I like.
12) Souvenirs: so much to catalog, put away, file in drawers, take off shelves.
13) Writing: so many pages, so many books, revisions, essays, title pages, organizings.
14) Clothes: want to buy them, wash them, send them to cleaners and launderers: no time!
15) Records: still some I haven't listened to, get stoned and just LISTEN to them!
16) Movies: want to see them all, list them all, miss none of the new ones.
17) Hobbies: want to paint, make music on a Moog, direct a film, act in my play.
18) Research: what ARE those constants I want to find, those theories to formulize?
19) Snorkeling: haven't done it in ages, love it, why don't I DO more?
20) Museums: haven't bought a guide to the Metropolitan yet, haven't seen Cloisters.
21) New York Times: every week there's that and the Voice and New York and mail to read.
22) Scrapbook: sort through it, index it, move it around, play with it, get to know it.
23) Occult: want to read books, talk to Nick and Cyndy, try experiments with it.
24) Dance: fallen behind in the New York City Ballet, Joffrey, American, many others.
25) Opera: Metropolitan, New York City, Amato, Lyric, Bel Canto, probably others, too.
26) School: how many classes I want to take, movies to see, lessons to learn.
27) New York: New York Experience, Tibetan Museum, Long Island in winter, many more.
28) Taping: want to tape a come-tape, music on top of music, experiment with tape lots.
29) Health: find out what's wrong with me, why I'm so tired, FIND HOW TO LIVE FOREVER!
30) Tranquility: find it before I die, or I'm going to get MORE AND MORE UNHAPPY HERE!!

DIARY 4410
AL 29


Things happened orderly to make chaos from my current life: I decided it was about time to clear out the over 150 pages from the "just typed" slot and put them into the books. So I typed the over-a-page of additions to the Table of Contents, and was about to interleave them into the books that I'd set up, but I kept LOOKING at the other travel books---surely they should be incorporated into the travel book section, and Loom and Luxury should go into the fiction section of the workbook, except that would make the workbook too long, and---. So I sat and sat and thought and thought, getting more and more worried about what I was going to DO and not enough concerned about DOING it, so I had to sit down and write myself the following note: TRY to organize DIARY:

A. ALL writing should have a DIARY number
1. Sept. 20, 1968 - 11/?/74 DIARY 0001 - DIARY 5000
2. OLD material DIARY 5001 - DIARY 10000
3. 11/?/75 - onward DIARY 10001 - DIARY Onward

[But THEN I decided to do what I shall describe on the NEXT page I TYPE, which will fall in the DIARY SEQUENCE thousands of pages AFTER this one.]

B. So DIARY is CONTINUOUS, containing ALL writing; more or less an ACCESS/SERIAL number---to tell me how much I've DONE.

1. Journal: JOURnal, day-to-day events, USED to be called DIARY.
2. Travel: All travel, sequentially
3. Fiction: All old/new, complete/incomplete
4. Essays: No plot (as fiction), not personal (as autobiography)
5. Reviews: of cultural events, notes from books and COURSES
6. Autobiography: No journal, no essays, essentially PERSONAL events
7. Gay: Basis for a pornographic book, no autobiography
8. Workbook: No fiction or essays, really stuff (philosophy) to WORK on
9. Published material: Mattachine Times articles, River, India Today
10. Acid House: Manuscript, notes
11. Datebooks: Useful as SEPARATE reference (would make WORKBOOK too big)
12. Seasonings: Jottings, items to be PEPPERED into final manuscripts.

DIARY 8161
AL 31


Back to the T for Temporary page notations again, so I can fill in the pages from the OLD material STARTING at 4411, the last page not used, so that I can type THESE pages (without waiting for NOVEMBER, as on DIARY 4410) as soon as I find out how MANY pages things like "Acid House" will take up IN the published materials volume. I look at the ORDER, and decide that the FOLLOWING would be best, with the following order of SORTING the material:

Order of SORTING Volumes Details

9 1. Workbook Blue - 1
1 2. Datebook Blue - 1
10 3. Journal Brown - 5
7 4. Travel Black - 5
6 5. Autobiography Brown - 4
5 6. Gay Black - 2
4 7. Fiction Brown - 1
3 8. Essays Black - 1
2 9. Reviews Brown - 2
8 10. Seasonings Black - 1
12 11.Novel:Acid House Brown - 1
11 12.PublishedMaterialBlack - 1


And each of 12 has a different alphabetic character: A D E F G J N P R S T W. So I work along, delighted to get everything into order, delighted to have the TIME to do it, eager to SEE how it looks IN ORDER, and what I'm going to work on next, and I've even started a list of "Things to Work On," and the first is the REMARKABLE section of being stoned in Morocco with Jean-Jacques and Marc in Meknes, and I'd like to do a MINIMUM of work on it and send it off to, say, the New Yorker. And EVENTUALLY I'll know what NEW format of stuff I can send in the letter to Singer, after I get all the NEW diary numbers on the pages, the allocation to books worked out, and the new CONTENTS pages typed. THEY'LL almost take a book!

DIARY 8320
AL 32


Only DEPARTMENT heads left on 10/31/73: Patty Leach, who left on 2/19/74 to HBJ, Ginny Croft, who left 11/2 to Van Nostrand; Bill Mutter, who is in only once in awhile as a consultant; Pete Gibson, who's got some incredible job setting Russian heads (?); Chela Oleas, who left 2/19/74 to Macmillan; Dick Sime, who started at McGraw-Hill, Gregg Division, as Editing Supervisor, on 2/18/74; Fraya Parker, who left on 11/14/73; Jerry Steinhart, who was let go in December; Shirley Blumenthal who went to London on 11/5; Hedda Nussbaum, who left and is ALSO back as a consultant: Jerry Dunn who left 11/8; and Nick Sanabria HAD left, Bernice Rohret was doing the work, and then SHE left for another fulltime job and NICK is back during the day. So the only people LEFT, in order of knowing them, are (1) Ron Tiekert, who expects to be fired in a couple of months, (2) Tom Aloisi, who shares two phones with Ron, (3) Nick Sanabria, at least for a time, and all the sales people like Frank Gill, Steve Narissi, Dick Schmidt (oh, and Madeline Sunshine isn't there anymore either), and of course the new president of New Century Education Corporation, Charles Walther. I asked Ron how many people were left (after he said they were all on the 7th floor, and there were a few on 8 and a few on 14, with the switchboard still on 15, who put HIM in the field sales office because everyone ELSE on the phone list in the T's was in the field sales office!) and he did a quick count on the phone list and came up with about 50, which means people like Jo Anne and the black gay and the oriental and the little sexy one and some of the other people who help out with the sales are still around, but as for "technical" people there's only Ron! Tom still asks me if I'm free for freelance work, and I keep saying yes, and Ron keeps saying that he knows exactly what the status of the Activities IS, but he has no idea what's going to be DONE with them, or with Math Achiever in general. And I can't even phone BACK much, since every time I try to get Ron I get TOM, and that's embarrassing. But now, having transcribed the old note I made at ACC on October 31, 1973, I can throw THAT away and file THIS in the diary.

DIARY 8323
AL 33


I guess it's never too SOON or too LATE to start this, so here goes:

1. The first real death I remember was my great grandmother: my first dead person. I was frightened, fearing she'd get up and move. No one, surely not I, would be delighted by this resurrection, only mortally terrified. I was about 5, and the next touching death didn't come until

2. My mother's father's death while I was a senior in high school. And I remember Charles Magistro so vividly: "Were you close to him?" "No, not really." "Well, then, there's nothing to be concerned about." But the same expectancy that he'll MOVE. I guess we've never SEEN him when he WASN'T!

3. Some doll of a guy died in my junior or senior year in college, and I remember thinking how sad it was, but I don't even remember his name.

4. Don Leventhal was drowned at Fire Island. The first person to die that I'd very much enjoyed being in bed with. I remember Arno's "No, don't say that," more clearly than my own reactions. But I KEEP remembering that he's gone.

5. Various distant relatives have died: brothers and sisters of my grandmother; distant family friends: Mr. and Mrs. Ferris and others distant.

6. Various famous people have died: Picasso, Stravinsky, Kennedy---I suppose I should mention FDR from so far back, and Pope Pius XII and John XXIII.

7. Then my father's father died on New Year's Day: I got a telegram from my father's mother; but I'd just been home and didn't want to go back.

8. VERY quickly after my father died, but slowly so that I could go to the hospital and be with the family through about a week of his death: the closest to date should be the most gripping to date, as is only fair. This leaves a very FEMININE close family: father's mother, mother's mother, mother, and sister, with Aunt Marion probably next on the list, only then followed by Uncle Edward as the people I would miss---NOT in order, I should say!

9. The key to the list is in John's reporting to me that the president of Dutton's had died: an active man he'd seen lounging around his office in blue jeans, a man of 38 who was moderately active, dying of a heart attack after playing tennis, and when I got a SLIGHT chest pain while exercising the day after that, what should I think but: he was 38, and I'm 37 already!

[Then to AL 248 for a continuation of this list.]

DIARY 8356
AL 34


Lying in bed this morning, I decide that my life to date HAS been by decades:

1936: beginning the decade of learning and introduction to the fact of living.

1946: beginning of the sexual life, introduction to the fact of coming.

1956: beginning of the social life, introduction to the fact of New York City.

1966: beginning of the cosmic life, introduction to the fact of LSD and ELGIN.

1976: beginning of the life as a writer, it would be worthwhile to HOPE.

Or I could call it THROUGH THE SCORES and put down the FOLLOWING list:

1936: beginning the score that I live SMALL-TOWNLY in Akron, Ohio.

1956: beginning the score that I live BIG-CITILY in New York, New York.

1976: beginning of the score that I live ?????, and there is FOREIGN-NATIONALLY and there is RURALLY for the penultimate score and DESERTLY for the ultimate score, and what I'll do beyond the age of 100 depends more on what happens to the EARTH than what happens to ME. But it would seem that I should be gathering forces for some kind of MAJOR move when I reach the age of 40, since there's been only ONE voluntary move as major: moving to the city and taking over a totally different lifestyle around 20. But looked at in a certain sense, the entire CRUX of my life is spelled out in this ONE page, and I probably won't even know where to PUT it in the diaries when I get to that stage. Maybe that's as it should be, and I'm STOPPING the page HERE!

DIARY 8595
AL 36


I say that looking at the stones of Cuzco and Sachsuaman impressed me so much I simply DIDN'T believe it, and I thought I'd made a LIST of things I'd seen that I "simply didn't believe," but after searching through the papers for about an hour, the best I could come up with was "Kaleidoscope" at Expo and the Tchelichev painting "Hide and Seek." So I started going back through my trips and came up with the following list of days that I'd love to live over for highlights:

1. Wastch Mountains on the way to California that I wrote as "I saw God."

2. Cuzco and Sachsuaman rock work, staggering in its size and precision.

3. Llao-Llao, the luxury hotel, snow peaks, lupine, green grass and blue lake.

4. Sete Quedas, the water and the islands and the rainbows and the trip.

5. Funeral of the King in Bali, with the incredible bands and blazing pyres.

6. The day in the New Delhi Anthropological Museum, dizzying as it was.

7. The stoned evening in Meknes with the Satanic Marc Schmitz and Jean-Jacques.

7a. On Mar Del Plata beach; La Cabaña and Michaelangelo evening in Buenos Aires.

And then I started thinking about the times with PEOPLE that were great:

8. The day with Louis Love, his glittering eyes and incomparably sexy body.

9. The night in Miami with Mario Papiri, again connected with Jean-Jacques.

10. The first evening with Walt Swan in his apartment overlooking Los Angeles.

11. The night with Nye Wilden, and my conviction that I was in love with him.

12. The night and morning with Hank Thurston, whom I fantasized into James Dean.

12a. The high of the day with Paul McLean and Dennis.

And then aside from travel places and people, I had to add the uniqueness of

13. The first acid trip when I had my FIRST taste of Cosmic Consciousness.

But then I was sorry that so many dealt with TRIPS, and so many were connected with PEOPLE. I supposed I DID have marvelous days just reading, or going to the movies, or even working, and I was tempted to add the day I found I'd gotten the fellowship to Columbia, probably my biggest "gift" in life. And I was sad I couldn't think of ONE day with John, though I was tempted by Hemlock Hall, or India, or Ceylon, or Nepal, but no SINGLE day really stood out. There was sunrise at Macchu Picchu, sunset at the Grand Canyon and over Rio, but these seemed more name dropping than anything else. And somewhere there was a feeling of sadness: is this really ALL my ineffable experiences?? Maybe add the morning with the woman at the Circle H encounter, add some just plain walking down the street EXULTING in the day itself. On 7/2/05 I can definitely add: The day I knew I had GOTTEN Apartment 20K at 101 Clark Street!