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1977 10 of 11

DIARY 12372

MONDAY, OCTOBER 17. Alarm rings at 7 but he lies until 7:40, and then I STILL don't feel like getting up, but he's put on the coffee to boil and I heard it sizzling away as it was too hot, so I got up and put it down. He's out of the shower and I confess to feeling so lousy, and then he helps me put up the elk's head, which is nice, and so I make omelets and put on the spoiling peas which turn out to be OK, while he makes corned beef sandwiches for lunch to replace the lunch he left at HIS place yesterday. He leaves at 9 and I bumble around the apartment and decide to do light-work, so I sit down at 9:40, get TPH formed by 10:10, and then do a STRONG session with the system, but mind wanders all OVER the place on the things that I have to do, that I'm not doing, that I'd think I want to do but actually DON'T want to do. When I finally get out of it at 11:20, I might have overdone it (see DIARY 12367), because I don't feel like doing anything ELSE. Called Arnie about going over to repay him, but he's out, so I leave message. Then get back to trying to figure out trip finances, but spend a long time just staring at the numbers, wishing they'd come out, but they don't. Did a FEW things hanging around this morning: clipped off dead plant leaves and stems, tried to fix the refrigerator rattle, put some stamp stuff away, but didn't do much more PRODUCTIVE stuff than that. Finally decide I HAVE to get through the expenses, and finally figure francs and dollars and decide that Dennis owes me $20, and that's THAT. Getting hungry, so I put on the pork shoulder, but it'll take hours to do and I'm hungry, so I decide on popcorn. Popcorn takes a movie, so I look at schedule at 4 and turn on "Bell, Book and Candle," have great buttered popcorn while watching Kim Novak, James Stewart, Jack Lemmon, Elsa Lancaster, Hermione Gingold, and Ernie Kovacs in the rather mad film, and with that cast, why not? Watch "The Hollywood Connection" from 6-6:30, silly "guess-what-celebrities-would-think" game, then "Joker's Wild" from 6:30-7, with cute old Enrique from Cuba as winning winner, 7-7:30 is mostly Julia Child and channel flipping, 7:30-8 is "In Search of Reincarnation" by Hans Holzer, pretty poor, then BACK to moon from 8-9, Bruce Lieber calls from California and I tell him I'm feeling bad. Dennis calls twice for help with typing (John Vinton IS employed) and checker (give George Allen), Arnie calls, and then 9-10:30 I watch films of persuasion: "Battle of San Pietro" and "Diary for Tommy," then Marc Singer on "79 Park Avenue" to 11, GREAT Alicia Alonso on Dick Cavett, and re-watch good "Salome" to 1:20 (see DIARY 12373), sleep JUST at 1:50.

DIARY 12374

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 18. Wake and lay, and out of bed at 9 to answer the phone from Bob Rosinek, checking about 6:15 today. Take the late rent check to Mrs. Johnson, who called last night. Shit and finish New York by 9:35, then sit down to light-work in bathrobe, get LOTS of insights (see DIARY 12367) and thoughts about the wasted day yesterday (see DIARY 12368). Sit there feeling fairly good until 11:10, another over 1-hour session, when Dennis calls to ask about this evening, too. I type up the two pages mentioned above, before they elude me, and then continue typing, getting a long call from Arnie talking about his filling refrigerator, getting back to New York habits, and plans for the rest of the week. Phone Art at the shop and talk with him for awhile, and he wants to get together soonish. Try phoning Paul Bosten, make out a temporary list of things to do, and am absolutely amazed that I've only typed these 8 pages and ALREADY it's 2 pm! Arnie calls from unemployment about 2:10 and I mention that I was about to try homemade egg foo yung, and he says he'll be over in half an hour, so I decide this is the time to put the apartment to rights, finally putting away the last vestiges (the albums and the card table) of stamps, cleaning up the kitchen and bathroom a bit, and he delays coming until about 3:30, when I have everything all neatly put away. He gives me a resume he wants me to check over for errors, and then I make a 4-egg batch of lunch that's good for about 3 servings for $1.50, which isn't bad, and the pancakes are great, very light, but the sauce isn't that good. We talk until he has to leave about 5 pm to meet Norma to see "Outrageous" this evening, and that leaves me about enough time to shower and shave and get out at 5:30 to meet Rob Rosinek exactly at 6:15 and Dennis somewhat later, and the audience at the St. Marks is a real zoo during "Suspiria," an episodic mockery of a horror film where the d├ęcor is a winner, as Bob observes, but everyone is almost reverential for "Zardoz," which seems quite different a third time without having smoked (see DIARY 12375). Out at 10 and find that the B&H is closed, as is a place Dennis was looking for, so we're back to the Second Avenue Deli to find dinners are over, so I have mushroom barley soup and a pastrami sandwich that's pretty good, and we talk until about 11:30, subway to my place, get started on sex, but he's soon turned off by my EXCEEDING limpness, and we talk about "Zardoz" until about 1:30, Dennis setting alarm for 7 am.

DIARY 12376

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 19. Alarm rings at 7 but Dennis isn't out of bed until 8:20, and I feel fairly good except that we didn't have sex at all, and I fry up some pork and onions and make a big omelet which he eats gratefully by 9:30, making himself a sandwich with the last of the corned beef, and he goes off to work about 9:40 and I start sorting through the stuff on the desk and right away sort out 6 pieces of mail to send: bills, lotteries, requests of various kinds, and then decide to phone Paul, who talks VERY highly of "Dracula," which he saw last night, and then Art phones at 11, saying that Dennis hadn't called him, as planned, and I say that he'd probably found someone in the subway, and in fact that's what happened, but he would only say that NOTHING happened and refused additional details. Art invites us to dinner at 8, and HE raves about "Dracula," so I phone Arnie at 11:45 and he says he'd be willing to go, phone Dennis at 12 and he's not, because it would cost him more in wages than he'd save in TKTS discounts, so I take off at 12 and get there in the rain at 12:30 and wait until 1 to find it's not on the board, so I take advantage of BEING there and pay $8 for a $14 orchestra ticket to "The Wiz," then go down to the Martin Beck and pick up 3 $9 tickets for "Dracula" tonight, and the line gets rapidly longer. Wait till it stops raining, walk up 8th and Broadway, and pass Rickshaw Express and have VERY tasty chicken wings and scanty ribs and fried rice and fried wontons for $2.40, then up to the Broadway Theater at 2, which has been put back the way it was after various reconstructions, and "The Wiz" is a VERY entertaining spectacle (see DIARY 12377). Out at 4:35 and subway home to phone Art, Arnie, and Dennis to make plans with them, then put on pork and do light-work from 5:30 to 6:20, then shower and shave and decide to wear all black until 6:50, then have pork and the rest of the peas and a large cold glass of wine, dressing all in black, finding the trousers that I'd bought through Arnie last Christmas from Macy's, rolling my eye-tie-tak under for the subway, and meet him at 7:25, get to theater at 7:45 to see Dennis wolfing down a fish sandwich for dinner, having worked late because he got in late, and "Dracula" is a real kick from 8:10 to 10:15 (see DIARY 12378), and then I phone Art, he's there, so we take the 9th Avenue bus RIGHT to his place, sitting and talking until 12, when Dennis is tired, and we're home to talk dirty (see DIARY 12379).

DIARY 12380

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 20. Dennis sets alarm for 8:30 and we get into cock again, he very hard at the start, and he goes again for the popper and shoots on my stomach with his fingers, not just by lying on it as he did last night, and then I lather up and take awhile to come, but it feels fabulous anyway, and then I roll over and relax while he showers and get out of bed at 9:55, quite late. Phone Bob Leap and he's going to McGraw-Hill from ACC, his last day's on 10/27, and he'll get the last chapters next Monday. Dennis has only a few eggs and some bacon and toast, and then we're out at 11, he has singing lesson, I subway home to bring up mail, reading most of the Soho Weekly News, and then do light-work from 3 to 3:50, phone Dennis about getting tickets for next Friday, correct Arnie's resume and leave word with him about it, then warm up the egg foo yung left, but it's not enough, so I resolves to watch "Deception" on TV between 4-6 while having popcorn, and I bring all the stuff back down to the desk and sort through it all, putting mostly everything away, updating the do list from 12 to 39 items, throwing lots of stuff away, and sending out 11 pieces of mail: free copies of new Travel magazines, contests, bills, requests for stuff, ads in old Times for indexers, and then phone Pope and find I should come over at 8 for Scrabble. Had wanted to start an index today, but didn't, and, to my great amazement, finish these 6 pages up to date at 7:25 pm, where DOES time go?? Have the next-to-last meal with the pork shoulder and good canned corn, and get out at 7:58 to mail the stuff and get to Pope's for a quick game of Scrabble which I win, then we watch "Psychic Healers in the Philippines," which THEY decide to be a DEFINITE fraud, though it brings up OTHER questions (see DIARY 12381). Play a second game from 10 to 11:15, then watch the end of "Fernwood Forever," even sillier now that "Mary Hartman" isn't on, and I get home to read more of "On the Stage---and Off" by Jerome K. Jerome until 12:37, when "Twenty-Five Years of Your Hit Parade" comes on with June Valli and Dorothy Collins and Giselle MacKenzie and Snooky Lanson and Russell Arms and Tommy Leonetti, and it WAS a while ago, but it's a kick to see their animated logo again. Very sleepy toward the end, and fall into bed exhausted and sleep on my back at 2:10, still not quite back from Paris, or just tired?

DIARY 12383

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 21. Wake and lay in bed for awhile before looking at the clock, guessing that it might be 10 at the latest, and it's 10:10. Remember dream (see DIARY 12382). Lay for just a few more moments and Arnie calls to say he may be over to pick up the stuff from me, and we talk until 10:45, when I have some breakfast of the last of the cereal, finishing the last of the current New York Magazine, and then water plants, brush my teeth, sort out stuff to give him from the cupboards, refrigerator, and letter file, and type three pages by 11:50, TINY progress. Determined to do at LEAST one item for the too-long do-list each day until it's back down to something under 10, so I spend about an hour scouring the bathroom sink, tub, and toilet cover, getting it shinier than I remember it ever being. Then I do light-work from about 1:10 to 2:10, and Arnie still hasn't called. I'm hungry, so I put on the pork and cook and eat the last of it, at last getting back to "New Mind," which staggers me by having the VERY sentence I quoted to Pope last night on Diary 12381: no one knows how much the CAUSE of disease may be in the mind. Arnie calls to say that he's just too busy to come over, and I decide to melt down his chocolate bits and make fudge, but can't find a recipe for it. Pope doesn't have one either, in his Southern cookbook, and I knock at John's, and HE doesn't have one in his Southern cookbook, but he offers me two "magic cookies," which I tell him that I won't be eating, and lends me his cassette with Curly's slide-projection talk on it. Listen to that, but when I buzz John at 5:30, he's gone already. Send a request to TDF when I find I don't have many, and since I have time after I shower and shave, I write a little note to JJ on the back of a Metropolitan Opera schedule and send THAT off to him. Into the subway at 7:10 and get my ticket by 7:45, chatting with Maldwyn Pate (and Michael Sullivan called about the Promenade, bringing his Aunt from London to see it tomorrow), and Dennis comes in at 7:50, and "Dance/LA" isn't very good (see DIARY 12384). Out at 10 and home at 10:30 to put on the defrosted Cornish game hen, taking it out at 11:10, just on the edge of being done, and have it with corn and apple sauce, with shrimp chips before with the Pontet-Latour wine that rates about a 6. Then Dennis smokes and we have great sex, he pushing himself off on my chest, I working away with Baby Lotion until I shoot in cream, then mix cooked chocolate bits with butter for a DYNAMITE sundae; bed at 1:30 am.

DIARY 12385

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 22. Dennis is playing with himself when I wake feeling rather out of it about 9:30, but I'm hard from the friction from last night, but for some perversity I decide not to say anything, and he acts like he lacks some spark when he finally crushes his cock on my stomach to come without touching after I jerked off behind him while he was playing with himself. Fall back onto the bed while he showers, but go in to turn down the coffee, and we eat by 11, the Kellogg's Eggo Waffles with artificial strawberries just about as good as they sound: pretty plasticky. He's reading Soho, so I get his New Yorker and read that during breakfast, and then get to typing as he finishes his coffee. John goes past, I miss him, and he rings when he comes back with the mail, saying that an old professor and his wife were there with fudge and his young-sounding voice, and that the blues of Curly's slides from the 40s were really TOO artificially blue. Finish two pages by 11:55 am. Fred Bassoff calls and comes over for 2 bottles, and I finish the dishes while listening to Arnold's recording of Pachabel's "Canon" THREE times on the start of his tape. Then talk to Arnie and when I say I'm going to Pearl Lang this evening he asks me something about her picture, and when I look at the flier I remember that I wanted to see the mini-umbrella this afternoon, so I dress quickly and get out at 1:05 to get to the theater at 1:45 and buy two tickets for this afternoon and this evening. The mini-umbrella is comprised of Rosalind Newman, Michael Sullivan, and Marcus Schulkind (see DIARY 12386), who are pretty bad, but I re-meet Robert Rigamonti, who's assistant house manager and who's willing to get me in free. Out at 4:10 and I decide it's too late to go to Brooklyn as I'd planned, so I stop at a bookshop along the way on Third, at the Strand, at Weiser's, and then find that the Phoenix is closed, Greenwich soon will have "a ton of stuff" that they'll be contacting their mailing list with, and Science-Fiction Shop hadn't heard of Wyndham's hardcover "Man from Beyond." Pass La Chaumiere and pay $3 for a good, substantial Tarte Provencale, $7 for uncleaned, rather plain kidneys, $7 for an awful half-bottle of Gigondas, and $2.50 for good chocolate mousse, $23 with tip, and back for a DREADFUL Pearl Lang "Dybbuk" (see DIARY 12387) and up to Dennis's at 10:45 to find him not back yet, so wait until 11:15, have some of his soup, read Times, then tired to bed about 1:15, not even having sex.

DIARY 12389

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23. Wake and by the time I look at my watch it's 9:40, so I try to start light-work, but doze off again and when Dennis gets out of bed it's 11:05 already. I turn on Camera Three to watch a Prince of Bali while his folks call and he tells them about "Dracula," and then I tell him I want to watch "Manon" at 2, so I want to be home then, and it seems he starts cooking right away, as I finish the Times, but he still doesn't get breakfast on the table until 12:55, and I finish eating in a tizzy (hamburgers and GREAT home fries VERY crispy cooked, and carrots, good) by 1:20 and get out to the subway and home JUST as the story is being summarized at 2:03. "Manon" of TV is pretty darn good (see DIARY 12390), though it seems on the long side as it ends at 5:30. Then watch a bit of the next show, then call Arnie and talk to him, and Rolf and talk to him for a long time because he's leaving for a couple months tomorrow, and then it's 7 and I'm ready to start doing something, but decide to get another something off the list, so I check through and listen to the Actualism intro tape from 7:05 to 7:51, taking notes so that introductions here will be easier on me (see DIARY 12391). Get dinner ready, type one page, and put some things away until 8:30, when I watch "50 Years of NBC: Closeup," with lots of comic turns by Jimmy Durante, Martin and Lewis, Abbott and Costello, Lucy and Jimmy Stewart, Ed Wynn, Milton Berle, and a large number of others, narrated by Orson Welles. Have hamburger and corn, and make some muffins for dessert (had finished the ice cream---really CREAM, no ice at all left---during "Manon"), and then at 11 decide that I want to watch some movies and come, so I get hard at 11:15, getting NICELY teased during re-watching Gallagher, Big Jim, and The Dream until 12:15, and then I get SO hard that I spurt without any feeling, and figure I've still got an orgasm left, so I put on rubber bands and get the popper and keep inhaling it while watching Stan with Baby Lotion, but somehow it doesn't come together, and I have to put on Jeff and work myself up soft, but by that time I'm so disgusted with myself (which might slop over to tomorrow, see DIARY 12388)) that I AGAIN don't touch when I come at 1:15, and AGAIN there's no feeling. When I clean up and put things away, I don't feel quite like sleeping, so I finish reading Jerome's "On the Stage---and OFF" (see DIARY 12395), getting exhausted to bed at 2:45, and get partway through a stoned-like light-work session for the day before falling asleep on my back.

DIARY 12393

MONDAY, OCTOBER 24. Wake at 9:30, and almost 7 hours feels like enough sleep, so I get up and re-judge the films from last night, deciding to see what all I have, adding a few to the list that I'd left off, and transferring holding-tapes from the ones in boxes, which don't need them, to loose reels which do. That goes till 10:50, and I'm down to see if there's mail (after watering the drooping plants), and there's not, but Dennis says there IS none today. He calls and Arnie calls, and with breakfast and finishing a New York Magazine, that takes until noon, at which time I decide that even BEFORE catching up with the diary, I should do my item from the do-list today, and decide on the "easy" one of clearing out the travel drawer, but I get to the card and find that I have 30 boxes and need 40, so I make a list of those countries I need, sort out the metal files into them, and come up with the convention of dividing the US into general, northeast, NYC, southeast, and west, and that lets me clear up lots of remaining stuff, filling the rest of the boxes, and then divide them into the four boxes in the closet in regions, deciding to type up cards containing that information on a master list (see DIARY 12394). Then Arnie comes over at 3 and we go through his stuff from mailings, his resume which I'm to type, and the stuff from the refrigerator that I'm returning to him, as well as the tape recorder which he says he'll try to fix. By that time it's 4:15 and I've turned on "Tycoon" to find that it probably IS in some backlot and not in South America as I'd hoped, but get hooked into John Wayne as railroad builder versus Cedric Hardwicke as mine owner and father of his wife, climaxing in the scene of blowing up the mine and building the bridge, laying the center span in driving rain, which is knocked over when the flood hits, but it stands and he gets the job, his own old working crew, and his wife by 6 pm. Sit and watch "Hollywood Connection" through laziness, bloated with the popcorn that I'd fixed during the movie, and then do HIGHLY unsatisfactory light-work that leads to a disgusted page about the day (see DIARY 12388), then watch "In Search of Witch Doctors," pretty bad about Mayan and Inca curanderos, from 7:30-8, "It's Your First Kiss, Charlie Brown," and why do they blame HIM for not kicking the ball when Lucy keeps pulling it AWAY, with a nice trip-scene when he kisses the little red haired girl; "The Fat Albert Halloween Special," which proves that old people are OK if they give you candy and treats, to 9, then type 3 pages for the day and watch Pennsylvania Ballet on TV (see DIARY 12396) to 10:30; Dick Cavett with Louise Lasser, and JO.

DIARY 12398

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 25. Jerked off very nicely with magazines and dried myself off at 12:45, so I went and got the sheet for Reunion in Consciousness and worked most of the way through it lying on my back with the light on, but I fell asleep and woke again at 2:30 to shut the light off and hurriedly finish off the exercise. Woke at 9:30 and got out of bed at 10 to record dream (see DIARY 12397) JUST before the phone rang, and it was Arnie, who talked until 11:15 about movies at Donnell, my trip (and why and why not) to San Diego, and other trivia, and about his plans for the day, which never came about. I ate breakfast, cleaned my teeth, having gone down for the mail, which I read during breakfast, and then at 12 decided to clear up the diary before doing anything on the do-list, and only stopped to put things away, sort the boxes in the hall in order and put them away, and type up the labels for the 4 cartons of souvenirs. Then Arnie's over at 3:30 to check over the resume, agree with my changes, and I type it out in final form for him then. Bob Leap calls and says that he's sending the final chapters, and I should have it in by 11/4, but I can only guarantee by 11/7. Arnie leaves about 4:30, and then I figure I have to get out for groceries, which I do, spending $17.29 without any trouble and having hardly anything to carry back. Had eaten lunch of hamburg and beans, hamburger good on muffins, between his leaving about 3:55 and my shopping. Groceries away and get back to finish typing these pages by 5:35---it's true it was 8 pages, but that should HARDLY take ALL DAY! Then look at the do-list and decide that today's item will be caulking the doorway, so I wash the windows on the inside and outside (and of course it rains the next morning), make sure the thermometer is lined up, and slam the door tight-shut the FIRST time without rattling the glass, then put a very small quantity of putty along the crack, search the closet for the weather stripping and put that in, which seems to go in easier and easier, and it's 6:30. Put the roast in the oven, shower, and Dennis arrives early at 7:05, so I make the cakes while he's here, Bruce calling while I'm doing it, and he goes over his chalkware captions with me while I finish dinner, we eat, and he types the rest of the captions while I make the icing and wash the dishes. Then we watch Dick Cavett with a very intelligent-seeming Gerry (pronounced Jerry) Mulligan to 11:30, then he smokes and we get into bed for him to get into his cock, and I just NEVER get hard, but he enjoys talking about it and comes copiously and I say no. Do light-work 12:35-1:25, Pelvic to 1:45 sleep.

DIARY 12402

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 26. Alarm goes at 7:30 and he gets up about 8:30, and I get up to piss and turn his coffee off at 9. Make bacon and perfect eggs, and then have a long conversation (see DIARY 12399-12401) about compromising, and he leaves at 10:10 and I immediately sit down and type 4 pages by 10:45. Sort out the indexes to be done and start on the marking of "Frontiers in Neuroendocrinology," marking 100 pages in the 110 minutes from 11-12:50, so I estimate that I should be able to finish the index in 20 hours at that rate, with about 1000 lines, for under $377, the number of pages. Then go down for the mail, read that, do light-work for about 50 minutes, and decide to arrange the clothes in the closets for the day's item from the do-list. Take non-overcoats from the front, gather plastic bags so that I can put all my summer suits and clothes and pants into bags at the back of the closet, sort out Dennis's things, and put winter stuff in the front of the closet, most of it still in bags, and I have lots of hangers left over and lots of space to put things into, so I feel good about it. Dennis calls and we chat, then I type letters to the Griswolds, Paul, and Doug Oxley, rather than set up the typewriter for typing index cards. Shower and shave about 6, finish the letters, and had exercised in my new scheme: 10 pushups increasing by two each day until that gets too hard, and 150% of the number of pushups as situps, and running and jumping jacks. Then give myself the luxury of adding one item/day as a maximum to the list, so I add one, with the restriction that it's not to be a ploy: can't act on the added item for at least a week. Had searched through the Yes catalog to try to find something from Bill's letter, and suddenly it's 7:30 and I leave for Actualism to have an interesting lesson (see DIARY 12403) until 10:30, look into the paperback shop and find they sell ONLY used paperbacks, and buy another bottle of awful wine and get to Dennis's to wait until 11:45 to have his round steak wrapped around hamburger and onions and mushrooms, and his baked cucumbers with tomatoes and onions, and though we're finished at 1, he smokes and gets into his cock, coming copiously on my stomach, and I work myself off by hand for a felt orgasm, and I play as if to duplicate his hickey given on SUNDAY by a cute Puerto Rican. We get to sleep about 2, very tired, and I get even a slight hangover from my almost-bottle of wine last night, can't drink so MUCH anymore.

DIARY 12405

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 27. Alarm rings at 7:30 and he lays, silent, and I've been warm through the evening, so I pushed off the top cover. Then he's up and showering, and he roots me out of bed at 8:40 to eat hamburgers stuffed with mushrooms and onions, and fresh green beans, and we don't get out until 9:30, he wanting to get tickets to "Otherwise Engaged" this evening. I get home at 10:10, too late to take out the coat to the cleaners again, and sit down with the book on Mexico to look through IT again until 11:30, then down for the mail, get the last of the Echocardiography index, and then sit down to finish the letter to Bill and write three long pages (carboned) to Rita and Mom about the trip, to get my item off the do-list for today. Then call Paul Bosten to see why he called last night, but he just wanted to chat, but says that "Otherwise Engaged" isn't PLAYING tonight, maybe he could get comps during the week (though it's not too late), and that anytime we got tickets from TKTS we should call him and he'd clear it to get the tickets from the BACK entrance of the truck! Phone Dennis, who calls theater to verify, and says he STILL wants to get Rick's ticket for "Gin Game" today, so he's going to try to get us to do SOMETHING. Take the coat out to the cleaners since I despair of EVER getting it there by 10, and he says it could have been before NOON, even, for same-day service. But I'm still keeping up with the item-per-day. Do the lesson page for Actualism, call Arnie, who'll be going with me to Brooklyn College on Saturday, and finish these three pages by 5:20. Work on the index from 5:30 to 7:50, when Dennis calls to say that he'd just as soon go to one of the restaurants we have, so I suggest the Caracalla at 9, and shower and shave and get out at 8:25 to get there at 9:05, and he's not there yet. We spend $35 on good heavy Spiedini, clams on the half shell that he doesn't like, 1/2 bottle of Ruffino and Orvieto for $9, and his sweetbreads are soft and mushy and not crisp and not cleaned, and my chicken is uninspired, and BOTH have a gluey Campbell's Golden Mushroom Soup-type sauce over them that helps NOT at all. Typical salads, and he has a side order of fettuccini for $2.50, also, and their cook has gone (we're last out at 11) so they don't have their zabaglione, so I get a peach cream at Baskin-Robbins and we walk back to his place to have good shooting sex, both of us, bed at 1.

DIARY 12406

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28. Alarm goes again, he gets me out of bed for breakfast, and we leave about 9:45 and I get home to read mail and get back to index from 11:05 to 3:05, stopping for lunch of warmed-up roast beef, and then return from 3:40 to 5:15, getting lots done, rather on schedule for my projected 20-hour job, but I seem to be slowing down in marking the pages, taking from a start of 55/hour down to about 40/hour, and the stuff is hard to read, too, with long headlines to make up for their lack of knowledge of "The Frontiers of Neuroendocrinology." Then out to pick up the two coats (I'd worn my red pullover and blue blazer to the restaurant last night) from the dry cleaners, smelling a heavy dry-cleaning fluid smell rather than my underarms as before, for my duty for the day. Then think I'll have time to do light-work, but by the time I shower and wash my hair and shave---and then I'd gone to buy a felt-tip at the stationery shop and came back to find it wouldn't work, and had to return it to find that I'd gotten a black one by mistake, so I ended up getting two RED felt tips and $1 in return for some change; anything to consume time---it's just time to leave for the theater, and "An Almost Perfect Person" is pretty good (see DIARY 12407). He's decided to come back here, I put on three records, going through one while he and I get ready for bed, then have sex through the remaining two while downstairs they have a lively party that I'm glad to be able to drown out with my stereo. He'd been putting up a skeleton on the door which got a "Ha-chah" added to a balloon coming from its mouth, and there were sounds of music and laughing and talking coming from all over downstairs, but by the time we were finished by 1 am they'd thankfully finished up their party and gone home. I felt rather grateful to them for being so kind, and figured they probably had a worse time with me than I had with them, just as I'm more disturbed by Ms. Watson than I'm sure I could EVER get through to her. I've had to whack away at my cock just as much, and I'm sort of getting frustrated coming ALWAYS after he shoots and is lying foggily at my side staving off sleep and passing me the popper. OH, we ended up going across the street to the former Lamb's Club which said that it was no longer a private club but a restaurant called "The Sanctuary" and got the buffet for $3.95 with a fairly good supply of chicken, dried fish, awful vegetables, and a too-sweet pecan pie for much MORE money, run by the Church of the Nazarene who proceeded to serenade us with Jesus-songs and too-sweet smile their way through the dinner.

DIARY 12408

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 29. Wake about 9:30 finding dream-note much LATER (see DIARY 12423) and he comes again, going to get the popper again, and I make the rest of the waffles, two eggs, and some bacon, to feed him well so that when I insist we take the air conditioner out of the window, he complains but complies. I'd already cleared out the stuff from the top of the storage box, and we used rags to protect our hands from the sharp fins in back, but it WAS really heavy, particularly since the side screens really didn't fold in all the way, and Dennis was quite angry, but we managed to get it into the box and lugged it into the closet by 11:50. Phoned Paul but there was no answer, and then he was late for work so there was no chance of seeing "Otherwise Engaged" this afternoon. Eddie called and said he'd be over for his poppers, getting two bottles, and he came in at 1, shared a joint with Dennis while I watched "Cavalleria Rusticana" from 12:30 to 2, and it's such a HEAVY emotional drag with TERRIBLY serious Italian women singing up a storm and silly men fighting over a woman. Eddie leaves then, and Dennis says he has things that he wants to do, and he'll call back since Paul said there was a chance, but he'd have to check later in the afternoon. I get to the index from 2:40 to 6:30, and Paul calls to say we have them for tomorrow's matinee, so when Dennis calls it's OK, and he's going to some jazz concert. I get into the alphabetization so nicely that I'm tempted not to go to the dance, which neither Arnie NOR Arnie and Mark are going to, but I figure I DO have enough time, so I take along "Night and Day" and read most of the rest of it on the subway while getting to the distant Brooklyn College, down Hillery Street, or whatever, for Charles Moore, who's rather predictable but stunning in one number (see DIARY 12409). Disgusted with the audience and back to buy a Times and read through it while laughing through "Second City Television" from 11 to 11:30, then "Saturday Night" from 11:30 to 1 with Charles Grodin as an ultimate poor host and Gilda Radnor doing a CLASSIC screamy kid. Then watch part of Bob Marley, and I don't see his hold, and get to bed about 1:30, trying to get through some light-work, but I'm GLAD I can move the clock BACK an hour tonight, so I just get to bed at 12:45, not 1:45!

DIARY 12410

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 30. Wake about 9 and get right out of bed to sort out the rest of the index from 9:10 to 1:20, taking 35 minutes out to make a list of the movies of Francois Truffaut (see DIARY 12411) from Camera Three, and Paul says we pick up the tickets under the name of Rickie Burke, and Dennis calls back at 1:20 to say that he'd been coming when the phone rang before. I shower and shave and get out at 2:15, getting to theater, and "Otherwise Engaged" turns from a disappointing first act into a dynamite second act (see DIARY 12412), and I like it a lot. Out at 5:15 and I'd wanted him to come here so that we could eat out and I could finish my index (ate cereal during Camera Three and the tiny rest of the beef before leaving), but he says he'd rather go home and cook and I come over later, so I get home and get down to the index from 6-9, finishing all but the alphabetizing, which I can do at Dennis's, and phone him to watch the program on ESP at 9:30, and get out (having finished reading "Night and Day" in here sometime) at 9:10 to get to his place about 9:45, and he's taken notes on the program, which I watch to the end at 11 (see DIARY 12413), and he's still cooking, but I mention that I MIGHT not be going with him to San Diego, since I'd been thinking about writing and (didn't tell him this) making money during light-work from---whenever it was (see DIARY 12414)! He did a dynamite dinner: folded, boned, and skinned chicken breasts stuffed with nuts and mushroom and baked in oodles of tasty butter, bread served in hot slices with butter melting into it, green beans, fresh, and a vegetable portion of equal parts celery, nuts, and mushrooms that tasted and felt strangely complex: nuts crunch like celery, mushrooms taste like nuts, celery feels like mushrooms, all very confusing. Finished eating about 1, had something to drink, he making me lemonade because he had no wine, and then we have some of his peach-almond pie-cake, marvelous, and I'm tired so I crawl into bed and he follows me, and I stroke him a bit until he comes up, and THEN says that we should go to sleep, and I agree with him and try to do light-work, but I fall asleep quickly. Wonder if I continue while brain-mind sleeps?

DIARY 12419

MONDAY, OCTOBER 31. Wake early, feeling relaxed because when he gets up to shut off the alarm at 7:30, it's really 8:30 old-time and we're both rested. He makes a fabulous breakfast of an omelet with cheese and mushrooms and another pan of his lovely fried potatoes, with the last of the orange juice, and I ask him to clean off the table for my proofreading and he explodes very little but feels badly enough about it to phone me later and say "I'm sorry about this morning." I proofread the last work from 9:20 to 9:40, then shit and dress and do light-work from 9:50 to 10:40, having then to phone Terry to see that she'll be there and Susan that she'll be at MOMA. OH, jotted notes for a DREAM I had (see DIARY 12415), and while I was shitting I had some thoughts before light-work (see DIARY 12416) that I thought good enough to note down. Then subway to Raven via 50th Street and priced a heater at $40, then up to turn in "Neuroendocrinology" and get back "Virology," which isn't quite finished yet. Out early and shop a few places for coffee pots, then up to Hallmark to pick up two 1978 datebooks, getting THAT off the list before it's PUT there. Meet Susan at 12:05 and up to talk about her falling for Dan, getting fallen for by Don Dewey, and talking to Hooper and Lucille and Linda. She leaves at 2 and I see the Cezanne exhibit, which I don't care for (see DIARY 1217), and then down to Barnes and Noble to pick up "The New York World's Fair 1939/1940" and "Michelin's New York City." Read most of the World's Fair picture book on the subway, and get home to water plants, find Rolf gone, talk to Dennis who was spending the evening at home, and phone Arnie who's having a visitor tonight. Typed up a list of the ***, **, and * in Michelin (see DIARY 12418), and then continue with the MANY pages to catch up to date, 14, by 10 pm, day almost OVER. Put the two books on the shelf, put on Spam for dinner, wash dishes, and settle down while eating to watch Dick Cavett interview Woody Allen, and they DO seem like good friends. Into bed at 11:45 with porno and jerk off in almost a PERFECT way (see DIARY 12420) until 12:15, and then try to do another Reunion in Consciousness from 12:45, but don't get finished, wake at 3 to shut off the lights, and set the alarm for 9 am just in case I don't wake on time.

DIARY 12422

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 1. Wake at 8:30 and think of doing light-work, but I seem to be sort of tired from the come last night (see DIARY 12420), and I want to copy notes from the dream about Pope and ice cream (see DIARY 12421), so I get up at 8:40 and shower and shave until 9:25, pleased to hear that I DID fix the refrigerator rattle last night, and type these three pages by 9:45 am. Do light-work until about 10:15, then subway to Actualism, turning in my $30 (since I forgot check, but it's for the best since I don't have many checks LEFT until the new ones come in!) to Joan Ann DeMattia, with whom I wanted to get a light-work body session, and in to Lois at 11 precisely. The session seems to be a very good one (see DIARY 12424) and I'm finished at 12:45, almost perfect. Walk down CPW in the bright sunlight that's warmer than the cool breezes, only partly shaded by mostly-nude tree limbs. Have a pastrami at Sandwitchcraft for $1.95, but it's steam-table warmed and not so good, then have a hot fudge sundae at Sheraton Hotel for $1.77, a rather expensive lunch for junk. Down to Donnell at 1:45 to check which books on my NEW list they have, and THEY have Chardin's two, also, and meet Arnie there and get down for program of shorts at 2, "Organism" spectacularly good (see DIARY 12426). Out at 4, refuse his Times to a disappointed look on his face, and subway home to continue to trip over closet-stuff from Saturday, but stopped before at hardware store and got bolts for bathroom toilet seat AND A COFFEE POT FOR DENNIS at last, $16.18 for a $40 "suggested retail price" thing, bolts free. Spend over an hour FILING off a screw when the rusted bolt won't wrench off, put on the new one by 6, VERY satisfied with the do-list entry of the day. Listened to "Pique Dame" while doing that and then putting away closet stuff at last, sending out 6 pieces of mail to clear up desk, then decide to file away the French souvenirs, opening up that section of the bookcase at last and adding another blue box to the stack in the closet, feeling VERY good. Start "Echocardiography" index from 8:50 to 10:50, then finish Spam and applesauce while watching Cavett interview a VERY cute and intelligent-sounding Marina Oswald, who would rather NEVER have met him, and get to bed at 11:45, feeling GOOD about the day.

DIARY 12427

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 2. Up at 8:45, forgetting a dream that fled, and shower and wash my hair, light-work from 9:30 to 10, then Dennis phones from work to say he'd met someone last night and will meet us at 1:15 at Pearl's, and I'd thought to get to index for a couple of hours, but I get a call from Bruce from about 10:45 to 11:05, call Arnie and say I'll be over at 12:30, and then call Joan Ann De Mattia and talk until 12, finishing these 5 pages. Putter around the apartment doing nothing much, and leave at 12:20 to get to Arnie's and Pope's and get to Pearl's at 1:15, Dennis arrives at 1:30, and I'd chosen the MOST awful beef (which tasted spoiled or MSGed to death) with bamboo shoots (nicely cut, like Swiss cheese), tree mushrooms, and peapods ($8), Pope gets the lemon chicken, the sensation with lemon extract flavoring lemon rind ($8), Arnie mentions sweet and sour shrimp, which retains too much shrimp taste for both of us ($9), and we get mooshee pork as an appetizer for $5, but WITHOUT lettuce it's not as crisp, and it's nicely flavored but the TASTE isn't as zappy as I remembered way before---and the bill if $30, with $2.40 tax and $5 tip almost $38, or $9.50 each, TOO much. Talk lags awfully, Arnie and Pope feuding, Arnie contradicting everyone, and Dennis leaves at 2:30, we at 2:45, Arnie going off on errands, Pope and I coming back together by 3:30. I look through mail and get to index from 4-7:30, too hungry, and then out at 7:40 to Actualism, again getting there so early that I debate getting pizza, but there's no shop around at Columbus, so I'm in and Barbara Lee is a new person there, and the session is a complete flop as far as I'm concerned (see DIARY 12428). Out at 10:10 and to Dennis's at 10:30 with two EXPENSIVE ($11 red, $7 white) wines, and the red, as it said, WAS sweet, and it goes well with tacos, and it IS very alcoholic, so we're both SWINGING by the time we're finished at 12, and he gets the popper and smokes and we have an INCREDIBLE session with both of us VERY hard, except that I'm so drunk I can't really remember DETAILS, except that I TALKED a lot to him, we both moved around a lot, and he hardly built to an orgasm so much as SPILLED it out. Lights out at 1:15, and I'm almost too dizzy to turn around much in bed before zonking out in sleep.

DIARY 12429

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 3. Up at 7:30 with an AWFUL hangover-headache, but he's into my hard cock and I manage to get it off, then try to bring him off with wet fist, and though he's VERY hard and very ball-tight, he's just not about to come, so he's off at 8:10 to shower and make breakfast, which I drag myself to, complaining about hangover, and the bacon's too thick and the eggs are MUCH too raw on top, but the bread is good. Orange juice is lukewarm, just made, too. Out at 9:45 and do light-work for about 40 minutes, and I'd gone to the store and picked up some mail, so there were other things that delayed me from the index work until 12:15. But then I plow through the last of the marking, the last of the typing, and all of the editing (no, half of the editing, until I take off 10 minutes to put in hamburger after Dennis calls to say that he WON'T be over this evening, and then I turn on "Best of Families" at 9:30 just to see what it's like, while eating, and it's awful: stilted acting, stereotyped circumstances, conflicting accents, and the people aren't even very pretty to look at. Back to the index at 9:55 and finish the editing about 10:30 and typing the first 20 pages, just to prove to myself that it could be done in 40 pages, by 11:50, listening to the woman move around upstairs all the while, and knowing that if she comes down to holler at me, I'll at least have the excuse that I could HEAR she was awake and knew I wasn't keeping her from sleeping. But she doesn't come down and my comments don't have a chance of being said. Had checked this item off as my item of the day, having felt very good yesterday (I thought I noted this, but I can't find it) about crossing off the visit to the Landas as something that we didn't have to do until we were GOING to England, and today I figured I'd finished the index, in essence, today, so that tomorrow's item would be picking up the Universe Calendar and the two projector bulbs. And I can't even think of any more things to ADD to the list, which has put about an item a week onto the BOTTOM of it. Do some light-work, trying another Reunion in Consciousness that I don't quite finish, before falling asleep about 1 am, content with the way things are going.

DIARY 12430

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 4. Up about 8, do light-work in bed to 8:50 and quickly have cereal for breakfast and then water plants and get to index-typing at 9:20, finishing everything by noon, but when I called Barbara at 11:45, she said she'd not be back from lunch until 2, so I typed two pages, showered and shaved, and had lunch of hamburger before taking off about 2:30 to stop at the bank to pick up cash for the day's buying, Lexington subway to ACC and hand in the index WITHOUT getting one BACK, which is good, but without getting to the xerox machine, which had about three people waiting for it, which was bad. Then down Park Avenue to price heaters at Hampton's but $29 for the lowest thermostat seemed too much, so I left, found no Broxodent brushes at the old drugstore, picked up two projector bulbs for $17.50, 10 cheaper than at the old place, and found at Universe that they weren't PRINTING Macro Color this year. Look through their selection, determined that since I CAN'T get what I want, I should at least get SOMETHING, so I pick up Persian miniatures to use for the TWO months at the start of next year. Debate walking across to Macy's, but think then to go to Brooklyn, and down the subway at 23rd to see haircuts for $1.50, with only one guy sitting there at 4:15, so I'm in and get a haircut, ANOTHER item off the list, for $2, quite short, and subway to Lawrence Street and Woolworth's to find a GREAT heater for $19.99 with a thermostat, and pick up shower curtain rings, and then to A&S to get a pair of shower caps and 4 Broxodent brushes, and then up the express elevator to find they're out of chinning bars, and they're closing at 6, so I'm across to Korvettes that closes at 6:30 and buy a chinning rod just to GET it, and it seems of good quality, and I walk home by 6:30, almost sweating in the steamy evening, and dump stuff inside and get to Grace Court Fair to buy 5 books: "Seagull," "Catch-22," "Corydon," and the first two Castenedas---4 "just to say I have them." Back at 7 and look through lots of mail, getting a card for the LAST book from Queens Library: "First Five Fathoms," and then at 8 watch Lou Ferrigno as "The Incredible Hulk," sort of fun, but SILLY "jolly green giant" character NAMED as such; that's till 10, I'm putting things away, and Dennis comes over with half-and-half at 11:30 and we have hamburger dinner and drink wine and Dennis smokes and comes VERY nicely with poppers, and I demur at 1:45, setting alarm for 9. (oh, forgot the note I jotted on IMAGES BEING SELF-DESTRUCTIVE (see DIARY 12431)).

DIARY 12433

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 5. I wake at 8:45 and begin playing with myself, and Dennis snores through the 9 am alarm, and then he wakes to my playing and I get him so hot that he jerks off first, and then I come copiously by 9:35, and he phones Ben (?) his former lover and Steve, HIS current lover at his place and says they can come over now. (RON: I said to Dennis I thought it had an E, like Ben or Ken (3 letters); he said his last name is GEE!) I sort out sheets to put on the bed from the stack in the top closet, then put on bacon as they come in at 11, and Pope called about his coincidence with Gary and Sandy (see DIARY 12431), and then Rick called at 11:05 to say HE was coming over, too, and I scrambled up 7 eggs in the first batch and served those up and Rick came in (giving me a duplicate ball of his, this one, prestige Elite MT, different from the prestige Elite 72 but ! is good) as I was cooking up the second batch of 7, everything together in the living room with the new coffee pot and toaster and muffins under the care of Dennis. Finish at 11:45 and debate where to have dinner, but River is fully booked and Russian Bear isn't answering, so we decide to meet there at 6 pm anyway. They leave about 1, and I'd washed the dishes BEFORE they arrived and washed the dishes after they LEFT, and just as I'm drying my hands at 1:15 Bob Rosinek calls for an hour of talking about his POWER in resigning and having everyone saying they want to come with HIM, and his boss even offering to set him up in a NEW COMPANY. He wants to come over on Wednesday or Thursday. Then I can't figure what to do, so phone Pope to see if he wants to talk about my chart, but he's busy working on HIS chart, but we talk about damaging images (see DIARY 12431) and him and Sandy (see DIARY 12432) until 2:45. I water plants, put records away, and type 4 pages by 4 pm. Then shower and shave and sit down to light-work at 4:55 when Dennis phones to say we have reservations, and I do light-work to 5:20, then to Lexington subway to wait past two 7th Avenue subways and get to Russian Bear at 6:05 to onslaught of "wondering how late I'd get there." It's expensive ($38 for Rick and Dennis and me, the others pay with credit card) and my lamb pilaf is mediocre but Dennis's and Ron's chicken Kiev is fabulous, and there's good appetizers of smoked sardines for me and marinated herring, lovely texture and flavor, for Steve, and calf's foot jelly with LITTLE meat for Dennis, and good eggplant for the other two. Russian major from West Point and his male and FEMALE cadets sing bassily, old blond regular couples sing along. But they're delaying and delaying, and finally hostess lights fires under waitresses, we get mediocre cranberry puree (without cream) for dessert and they leave at 7:50 to be a BIT late for "Golda" and I walk Rick to Bloomingdale's as he's going to LOOM, and home to read Times and watch "Quality Street" with good Katherine Hepburn and LOVELY amiable plot. Puzzle to Dennis, in at 1; sex to 2:10, sleep tired.

DIARY 12437

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 6. Wake at 9:30 and do light-work until 10, when Dennis wakes up and we cuddle for a bit and begin playing with cocks, and he gets very hard and juicy, as do I, and he comes on my chest and I use his come to lather myself into an orgasm just at 11. Then he phones Ron and Dana and arranges things for lunch at 1, has lots of coffee (and leaves the coffee pot on throughout the afternoon which he tells me not to throw out), and I finish the puzzle (or most of it) in the Times and feel reluctant to go out JUST for the restaurant, since I don't care to join them at the Cloisters, but then see that I'd wanted to see "Othello" with Olivier, and feel somewhat better. Get there at 1, and have a fabulous brunch of GOOD bloody mary, pallid orange blossom, icy banana-poor banana daiquiris, and cheesy quiche, creamy chicken crepes, and FABULOUS filling eggs benedict, with three kinds of rolls (roly polys, sweet; soda biscuits, dry; and cornbread, best), and maple butter and strawberry butter, and three different desserts and coffee, all for $9 apiece. Leave just before three, and I dash up to Carnegie Hall Cinema to find to my delight that members can move to the head of the line. "Othello" is pretty good (see DIARY 12435), and I'm out at 6:15 to walk to find TKTS closed, no movies on 42nd Street, no good porno in the shop, and get home at 7 thinking while reading Dianetics about how we're improving NOW (see DIARY 12434), and then while showering and shaving meditate about how impossible it is to predict Actualism (see DIARY 12436). Finish with all the cleaning by 8, then type 4 pages by 8:50; it DOES take time! But I DID exercise before I took the shower, doing two pull-ups, and studied do-list. Watch the first chapter of "I, Claudius" from 9-10, but it's just a lot of muddle about a lot of people who aren't terribly interesting either as actors, perverts, or attractive people. Then work more on the puzzle, not getting a couple of corners, from 10 to 11:30, when I decide to watch "Sur Faces" on VTR, and Chami Chaiken has gotten a GORGEOUS hunk of man in Gary Barry (or something) as partner. Dennis comes in at 12, eats some of the tuna fish while I finish watching to 12:30, and then we're to bed to talk and cuddle and get to sleep about 1 am, can't remember having sex or not.

DIARY 12438

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 7. Alarm goes at 7:30 and I'm up to make breakfast for us, and he goes off to work, having to call back (and apologizing, I must be too hard on him) for the schedule for the movie this evening. I decide to START looking through my souvenirs, since I know it'll take a long time and I have nothing better to start on, and it's VERY windy out, and when I phone Pope at lunchtime to finish the puzzle he says we're in a "norwester" for a couple of days and that it's VERY windy out. That makes going to the Queens Library to pick up "First Five Fathoms" more appealing, and I get out about 2 without having had lunch, getting out there about 3:15 and delight in getting the book, sweating in my rainpants, and stop off at Arnie's about 4:30 to pick up lots of his junk, the book he bought me on the Caribbean for $1, and my tape recorder that no one's sure is working or not. Lug that back here about 5 and get out AGAIN in the blowing rain to get groceries, getting mad at the manager for not having any Key orange juice, not having the 2 packs of muffins for 99, and having to search for the spaghetti, as well as not having the bacon last week. He shrugs. Home to dry out the rainsuit at 5:45 and shower for the body session tonight, and then get out rather late at 6:50 to the BMT again, which is delayed because an empty one toots through the station first, and get to "The Cheat" a bit late, but Tallulah is funny as a woman branded by her Japan-doll-loving would-be seducer who desperately needs $10,000, and then Dennis leaves for a jazz concert. "My Sin" is ludicrous because a man won't marry a woman who had been "loose in Panama," but then Frederic March was around for her to fall back on anyway. Out at 9:55 in driving rain, and get to Wedgeworth Building at 10:15 to Joan Ann de Mattia's apartment to have some apple juice, dry off, and have an incredible conversation (see DIARY 12439) until 12, when I try phoning Dennis, and then I have a body session until 1:55 (see DIARY 12440) which leaves me sore still on Wednesday, and I leave at 1 to get home to wake a bleary Dennis up, who comes into the kitchen while I make myself scrambled eggs, but then he goes to bed and I get in at 3, and he later said that he and Jack Herbert got into it, but he was still feeling horny, but I guess he thought it wasn't worth waiting for it as late as 3.

DIARY 12441

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 8. When the alarm goes off at 7:30 I feel VERY tired, and stay in bed while Dennis puts the last of the tuna in the oven to warm, and only get to have a muffin with him, since he'd been so kind as to come in and listen to my tales at the bedside, and so I felt that I just had to accommodate him in a way. But when he left at 9:30 and Bob R called, I went right back to bed and slept until 11, when BobR called again to say that the roads in New Jersey were flooded so he couldn't go to visit the company, and I fixed myself up and put some things away and went out to vote in the DRIVING rain, sitting half an hour while others fussed with propositions, and got back just before he got downstairs at 12. He came up looking great to talk about his new job and feeling of power (see DIARY 12442) and I got into MY stuff about Actualism (see DIARY 12443) and he tried to psychoanalyze me in a way VERY similar to Dianetics. Got into strange sex that got me to questioning my basic thoughts about being a woman sexually (see DIARY 12444), and then we talked more and he dressed and left at 5, and then I showered and shaved and was just leaving at 5:45 when Ron called and asked for two bottles of amyl, so I got to the Waverly Inn at 6:15 and they still gave some of the specials, and the meals for $5.50 were GREAT with good scotch broth and gazpacho, peppery chicken and rice, decent chopped sirloin with onion rings, sweet tomato-zucchini, and good desserts of hot cinnamon-cherry pie and even GOOD Terminal Restaurant-brand coffee. Out at 7:50, feeling great, having had charming conversation, and over to the Cookery to a booth near the window for Galliano and lime/Cherry Heering for me and Comfort Wallbangers for them, while we listen to Alberta Hunter (see DIARY 12445) until 10:15 and then wandered around the Village a bit through Washington Square Park and down to Macdougal Street and Bleecker Street and then up 7th to 12th and the subway, and then I come home and talk to Dennis for a long time about Actualism and Dianetics (see DIARY 12446), which makes it too late to---no, he smokes and we DO have sex, he putting a GREAT pool on my chest, and I say I'll wait for the morning, feeling weary of bone from the body work. Get to sleep about 1:10, trying light-work, again at 1:30, but it doesn't work and I fall asleep in the middle of it.

DIARY 12448

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 9. Alarm at 7:30 is received glumly by us both, and then he gets up and showers and then returns to the room where I "wake" with a jolt and go out to put on the bacon, the idea of laying abed not being a very good one, but that's what I feel like doing. Fry eggs while he says goodbye to Ron and Steve and he leaves at 9:45 to get to Rosey for his first appointment at 10:30. I put things away, water the plants, and tear the items from the Times to find that it's 10:30. Look at the do list and at the list of books that I want, and decide to send off $52.50 for three books, and somehow it gets to be 12:30---oh, forgot that I'd also done about 30 minutes of light-work in there, feeling sad about it. Continue with diary pages to get THAT caught up with, coming to a great conclusion with a "Where am I now?" page (see DIARY 12447) just before finishing these 11 by 3:15 pm. Then figure I can vacuum the place, so I put on the radio and dust and put up all the things and vacuum, taking particularly long time to try to use the extension attachment, but it REALLY doesn't work, so I have to laboriously scrape each little piece of gunk off the side-runners of the bathroom rug. But with the new belt the vacuum is working well, and the place looks great very quickly. Then scrub the kitchen floor and put on pork chops for an early dinner or late lunch at 5:45, finishing another New York Magazine, and then put the garbage by the door and add the laundry and the Chinese laundry for tomorrow. Then shower and shave and have time left over, so I take a pliers to the jacket-zipper and it now WORKS, which makes me feel GREAT, and then glue the joints of the typing chair too. Leave at 7:40 feeling great, walk with Malcolm who's having a bad week, but he LOOKS just as great, and Bruce gives a GOOD lesson for me (see DIARY 12449) until 10:20. Down to Broadway and call Dennis at 10:35, but he's not back from his class reunion yet, so I leave the message that he can come to my place if he wants and get home at 11:10 and watch the end of Cavett talking to a magician, then feed the spider another roach, eat some cottage cheese, peanut butter, and muffins, and read more of Alphaphone book when I find I have no batteries for Pope's phones. Then jerk off from 12:45 to 1:15, not terribly hard, but it feels good, and then roll over to sleep, loving the silence of the apartment.

DIARY 12453

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 10. Wakened by a wrong number at 7:50, then wake again at 9 and again at 10:30, obviously needing the 9 hours sleep that I got. Put on a sweater because it's cold in the apartment, put things away from last night, make the bed, and spend most of the time until 12:30 working on these 5 pages, VERY slow, but lots of good stuff into them anyway. Note under the door from John, who may be going to Senegal with the Peace Corps! Phone Pope, and he's going out so he'll bring over the alphaphone batteries he'd been storing in the refrigerator. I get the laundry together and a list of things to get, and go down when he buzzes at 1:20, take the laundry out, then walk with him to Court Street to pick up brass bolts for the bathroom toilet-closet, meeting Sergio on the way. Tell him about John's apartment being available and he says that they're still working on the house and that Kenneth is working with Twyla Tharp on Milos Foreman's direction of the movie of "Hair." Then to the library to pick up a record so that I'll have the envelope for stamps, and had gone to the bank before to find a long line because they're closed tomorrow which is Veteran's Day. Home about 3:30 to put everything away, and then it starts raining, so I decide not to go back out, but phone for the IBM repairman to get my item off the list, and I look through to find that 12 items left is the lowest since September 23, but that only 10 was the lowest in the past few years! Can't wait to get there. Have lunch of pork chops because I'm starved, and phone Dennis to say that I don't feel like going out tonight (it turns out that I'm coming down with a cold that hits tomorrow). Then get to light-work about 5:15, and go through it fairly well, then sit down with the second session of the alphaphones (see DIARY 12454) at 6:15 to 6:45. Exercise, doing two consecutive pull-ups for the first time, talk to Arnie for awhile, and then start listening to the SECOND tape that I sent to Bill at 7:50, adding to the notes on DIARY 10334-54, AND I'd gone through "John" and proofread for typos between 4:30 and 5:15, because I give the first 30 pages to Dennis to read while I'm making pork chops and washing dishes. His comments are good (see DIARY 12455), we eat until 12, and then get into bed to cuddle, but he's not smoking, we chat about my writing, and fall asleep about 1 am.

DIARY 12456

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 11. Dennis and I lay head-to-head after the alarm goes off, then he's up and into the bathroom, and I'm up promptly at 8 to put on the bacon and get the pancakes started, since I don't have enough eggs again, and they're lousy as usual. We talk about possibilities for tonight, and then at 9:10 I settle down to listen to the rest of the tape I'd made until 1:05, feeling logier and logier, and then listen to the side I'd recorded to him last October 25 (see DIARY 12457)! Then listen to his THREE sides recorded in April, 1976, and take lots of notes to respond to afterward (see DIARY 12458). Finish with that at 8, having taken only the time to re-warm the pancakes and have them for lunch, and to wonder what I'm going to do since I won't be able to record the whole thing to Bill tonight. Then decide that since he only wants 1-2 hours of taped stuff in the future, I sort through my notes and send him off a second side to make 2 hours of recorded stuff, finishing just after 9, saying that I'll put the rest of the stuff into a letter---the tape goes rather well (see DIARY 12461), except that I have a cold AGAIN. Debate typing the letter tonight, but I don't feel like it, and put on the pork chops while trying to get some order into the tapes that I've recorded since I've put them into the tape-book. Have dinner and finish the peaches with half-and-half and Sambuca, with wine, and then at 10:30 decide to take advantage of the warmth and look at some films. Re-see two guys doing nothing, "Coming Together," the cock-ring guy who DOES come, and Doug, finally bringing me off at 12:30. By this time my nose is running copiously and I feel rather fluey. But determined to finish up the light-work, so I get the sheet and put it beside the bed and start at 12:50, finishing with only moderate periods of unconsciousness about 1:30, then sink into the bed which is already somewhat moist with sweat from the orgasm, and I'm hoping I don't have to go through elaborate sweating-out processes to get rid of the cold. Had the phone on the machine while coming, but no one called, and put it on again because I didn't want to be interrupted by a wrong number at 8.

DIARY 12462

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 12. Buzzer wakes me from dreamless sleep at 8:30, and I'm down to pick up Dennis's "Speech" index from Harper and Row, looking it over and coming up with a series of questions by 9 am, when I go back to bed for a bit, and then at 9:30 start light-work, finishing about 10:15, when I get up and have some cereal, finishing THAT. Dennis calls and says he's going out to his Folk Art Museum day of house tours and will buy tickets to Carnegie Hall and meet me there at 7:45, since I feel OK with my cold. I water plants and get out at 11, taking out a bag of index cards to throw away, the tape to mail to Bill, and the Chinese laundry. Buy head-cleaning fluid, check the mailbox to find nothing there, pick up laundry, and buy groceries, getting home to find "Shanghai Press" has money troubles, and I can smell a pitch from them for money already, even though (or maybe BECAUSE) they say they like my stuff so much. Read mail and decide to finish sorting out index stuff, going through and generating a BAG of duplicate pages to throw out and ANOTHER clear area in the apartment. Listen to tapes to time them and find out what's in what, and then settle down to diary, typing three pages of a letter to Bill finishing up everything (see DIARY 12457-12461, of which the letter is DIARY 12458-12460). Then have hamburger for dinner about 5, feeling still worn down from cold, and Dennis calls to check tickets, and I'd made out the evaluation for John Vinton for the Peace Corps to mail, too, and then shower and wash my hair and brush my teeth (had put the screw into the toilet to find that it really didn't FIT, damn it!) and finish 8 pages at 6:20 for day. Then listen in on the alphaphone for another half hour from 6:30 to 7, but there's still no change (see DIARY 12463). Out at 7:15, wiping the moisture form the top of the headset from my drying hair, and look through Bookmasters from 7:40 to 7:45, when I meet Dennis outside, and we're in to good balcony seats for Janos Starker from 8:10 to 9:58 (see DIARY 12464), pretty good. Up to 79th for him to show me the window display at Bloomsbury Books, buy meat at Red Apple, and buy Times, and he broils chuck steak while I read some of the Times, then eat until 11:45, and he gets into his cock in the cold apartment and we swing around for him to come on my chest WITHOUT TOUCHING in the light, and I'm too worn out from cold to do anything, and I begin to think that a cold might be a chance to be ALONE and REST a lot (see DIARY 12465). Bed at 1.

DIARY 12466

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 13. I wake about 9 with a marvelous dream (see diary 12467) that I forget half of, but wonder HOW MUCH the character of dreams changes with changing stresses and mental usages. We're awake by 10 and start into sex again, and Dennis brings me off with his hand when I'm quite hard, and is really into his cock when his parents phone at 10:40, so I hope he'll be off for the good Camera Three program on Beaubourg, but he's not off until 11:20, so I have to summarize it for him. He asks if I'm hungry, and I say I'm not, really, so he bakes some bread and does other things while I finish the Times and the daily papers he has for me, and the two New Yorkers he'd saved for me. We eat about 12:30, and I keep reading until just after 2, when I say "Well, you have nothing more for me to read," and leave for "Rigoletto" on TV at 3. Not a bad performance (see DIARY 12468), and I think about finding all the singers so sexy when I conclude that "Love everybody" is a lot EASIER when you're older (see DIARY 12469). Debate noshing during the movie, but don't, then since I can't do much else, I put the things away that I brought from Dennis's and get to the stack of programs, finding that I can just PUT AWAY the plots to the operas, the concerts, the movies, and the plays without really doing anything, but I guess it'll be easier to mark down the CASTS with the ballets as I put the programs away, which leads to catching up on the Entertainment list in parallel with the programs. Takes me until 9, when I start watching "The Godfather," but it's such a dull BORE that I switch to "Poseidon Adventure" at 9:30 and watch them turn over, and then stay until the ballroom sinks, and keep watching. Had worked the puzzle during most of the opera, too. Then Bruce Lieber calls, I have dinner at 9, then call him back at 10:30 and talk until 11:15 about Actualism and his promises that worlds of things will be happening to me in the next few months, and I turn off TV at 11:30 after seeing Erin Shea's name (see DIARY 12470) to sit down with the alphaphones between 11:45 and 12:15 (see DIARY 12463), but nothing happens again. Get into bed with face washed and teeth brushed at 12:35, and do "Reunion in Consciousness"---oh, DID light-work for about 45 minutes between 6-9, too, until 1:20, almost dropping off to sleep, but feeling it helped cold. Also managed two pullups just to prove that I could still do SOMETHING in exercise.

DIARY 12476

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 14. Wake about 8:30 and start thinking about so many pages that I want to write and things that I want to do that I get up and make out a do-list just for the DAY (see DIARY 12471). Then decide to do light-work right away, and go from 8:55 to 10, coming up with so many ideas that I get the note-sheet and add the following items: that the DIARY pages could function to relieve ENGRAMS in some way (see DIARY 12472), that I want to say something about my judging machine (see DIARY 12473) and last week's strains (see DIARY 12474), and in the process of writing about them both find that they're quite connected. Then want to summarize Actualism in my life (see DIARY 12475). Then phone Bruce to 10:10 and say I'll be at his place at 8, which he later changes to 7, and then I go down for the mail and read New York during it, ignoring est's day of fasting in THAT way. Get off the phone with Pope at 11:20 and talk to Arnie until 12:05, making arrangements for the rest of the afternoon, and then type some of these pages while waiting for Bruce Jaffe to phone back at 12:30, and leave at 12:45, dialing phone to busy signal. Pick up Pope's porno films, leave off Arnie's plastic container, walk with him to xerox resumes, but can't find rubber snakes for pigeons. Deposit Raven's check in the bank, had phoned them to see that Virology was delayed, and then phone Dennis to find that he has a date tonight. Larry Price calls to say I bought 800 Asbestos at 15/16! Then finally finish these 14 [on 11/14] pages by 5:20 pm! When I finish showering and shaving and getting ready, it's 6 pm so I don't have time for light-work, though I DID exercise, finally getting up to 3 pullups at a time, and get to the Brooklyn Library about 6:30 and get an incredible runaround with the two Collier books, which I reserve anyway, and get out two Teilhard de Chardin books to xerox, and the OTHER one appears to be lost, too. But leave there at 7:15 and get to Bruce's at 7:30, walking the wrong way too far and thinking I might have conked out as HE is fond of doing, but I just used different streets. The body session is quite good (see DIARY 12477) and I leave about 9:45 to decide to watch Pope's films, most pretty bad except for one exceptional orgasm, and come myself after about 7 pre-drops and 36 spasms, probably a record, and just DON'T feel like alphaphones at 2:10 am, after setting the alarm for 9 am, just to make sure.

DIARY 12482

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15. Metal plates (!) dropping into a truck outside woke me at 7:15, which makes one INSIST that they wanted to wake people, so I put in earplugs and had a lovely dream (see DIARY 12479) before the alarm rang at 8:55. Up to do light-work until 9:55, thinking that Russell must feel AWFUL if he feels conned (see DIARY 12478), and then have cereal for breakfast and get downstairs at 10:20 to get a slow subway and get to Star Center just at 10:55, paying Rebekah my $30 and having a GREAT session with Lois (see DIARY 12480-12481) until 2:30. Back to chat with Joan Ann, sign up for an x-out, get the titles of her two books and Bruce's one, and get home, finishing "Second Thoughts of an Idle Fellow" on the subway (see DIARY 12483). Meet Pope in the station, and MALCOLM comes in on his way to class, and Pope wants to walk, so we're down to the Promenade to chat about his classes in astrology and his problems, and I'm home at 2 after buying two bottles of wine. Starved, so I put on hamburger, Dennis calls about meeting tonight for the ballet, and I phone Susan who just wanted to chat, and I invite her to Arnie's party on Friday, just in case. Wash dishes while listening to Arnie's tapes, and get confused so call him, and he says he'll be over after awhile, but when I finish 6 pages at 5:25 he's not called yet. Then kick myself and type DIARY 12483, forgotten about. Put things away and Arnie comes in at 6 and shows me that he HAD recorded the stuff on the OTHER side of the little sheet---silly of BOTH of us. Shower and shave and brush my teeth by 6:40, then sit down to 20 minutes with alphaphones, MAYBE getting something different (see DIARY 12484). Out at 7:10 to get to the New York State Theater at 7:42 and stand under the "Theater Left" sign until 7:58 when I stop, angry and annoyed at Dennis, and see him looking frantically around, saying he'd come in at 7:45, looked for me, and was watching for me to come in the DOOR. He's tired and irritable, so I try to smooth things over. The ballet isn't super (see DIARY 12485), promenade is jammed with tables for the dinner afterward, so we're not even able to circulate. During second intermission I suggest I take him to dinner and each go our separate ways since I'm coughing a lot and will keep him from getting a good night's sleep. He agrees and we leave at 10:45, but I get downstairs to discover I've dropped my wallet out of my overcoat pocket. Back up. To lost and found, phone usher's quarters: not there. DAMN! Up Columbus at 11 and he suggests Dazzels, where he has Bocadas, good, and I have PERFECT hot cider and rum for my throat, coughed during ballet, and good chicken breasts in batter and lemon. Out at 12:15 and subway home to bed VERY tired at 1 am, plugs in ears.

DIARY 12487

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 16. Wake at 10, surprised that I needed that much sleep, and jot down the details of a dream (see DIARY 12486). Phone the Queens and Manhattan museums OK, but Brooklyn says that I have to stop in to fill out a form. Motor vehicles says I have to come down for a replacement for $3. Find replacement ACLU, NGTF, Blue Cross, and Uniform Donor cards, and there's no answer at 1000 eyes. Down for the mail at 11 and find the checks have come in, to my relief, and read the mail as the last pages come in for the Speech Therapy index, so I phone Bob Ginsburg for answers and phone Dennis to see if he can DO it by 11/29. Phone Susan about Dennis Sillari, but he's not in, for data about THAT index, and they're beginning to pile up now that I'm ready for writing! Write out lots of checks, pay rent, feeling good about that, catching up on Star Center expenses, and send out phone bill, envelope-stuffing for $4.48, and Burroughs catalog for $5. Light-work from 11:50 to 12:30, then have tuna casserole that we didn't have last night, with fairly good white wine, phone NY State Theater lost and found again and read program and then get down to typing pages to catch up, doing 4 pages by 2:40. Now's the time to get to stuff on the list, and I type DIARY 12488-12490 to catch up with the Entertainment Absorption list, then add the dances and dancers to the list so that I can file the programs away, and that's ANOTHER thing off my list, but since I've been adding, I'm still up at 11, but have never been SO caught up in a LONG time. No time for alphaphones or exercises, but shower and shave after Rolf calls from 5:50 to 6 to say he's back for a week, and would like to see "Close Encounters," but not tonight, since he's been having a "sexual holiday," says Man's Country is great Monday and Wednesday, and has to work tonight. Subway in and meet Dennis at 7 to find that the line is for the 10 pm show, and I say "I told you so." Down to find nothing at TKTS, that "Carrie" starts at 7:45, and he finally succumbs to my insisting on "Dancers of Bali," and I suggest we get FREE tickets by working on creating it. To box office, only row O on the side for $8.50, and I see a woman with tickets in her hand and ask if she's selling 2, and she reaches in for two and says "take these, don't tell anyone" and they're on the extreme side of the dress circle, so ABOVE the performance, which is not that good (see DIARY 12491). Dennis leaves at 9, I at 9:40, he's put on tuna, I make beets, we eat, and I make chocolate sauce for the ice cream I bought, and he's too stuffed to finish, so I put the rest in the freezer and we get into bed at 11:30. He's saying he's tired, but he's very hard, yet we actually fall asleep with our cocks in each other's hands---and then he wakes as I move us apart, but it feels good to get to sleep at what must be ABOUT midnight, a RECORD.

DIARY 12492

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17. I'm awake about 7:15 and do light-work until I ask Dennis what time he's set the alarm at. "8" he says, and reached over JUST to stop its ringing. He's hard already, and I play and play until he comes with a marvelous feeling, and then he plays with me but I have to hand me off, but it feels good anyway, and surprisingly it's 8:45 already. I make onions and bacon and eggs, he drinks almost all his coffee and leaves at 10, while I'm doing the dishes, then talk to Arnie 11:30-12:15 and Pope, do alphaphones from 10:50-11:20 (see DIARY 12484) get out to get records from Pope to listen to eventually, record my Brooklyn Library card loss as of today, unfortunately, shop to find no rubber snakes, and get groceries, read mail, trying to phone Rolf and Pope after Dennis calls to say he WILL meet me at 4:30 for the 5 pm showing of "Close Encounters," and I finish these 2 pages by 2:30, STILL wondering where all the TIME goes so quickly to! Am so reluctant to miss another performance that I decide to get out right then, not even changing or showering or shaving, to wait in line for the movie, and I buy two tickets while constantly trying to phone Rolf and Pope. Sit outside before the line starts forming at 3:30, then move to the wooden benches along Burlington House, where a rather sexy crowd of people is gathering. Read for a bit, but get bored with it and more interested in the people. About 4 decide that I will be hungry, so go down to the deli to get a pastrami sandwich and eat that, then get into line at 4:15 and Dennis comes up at 4:30, having bought two tickets. He eats his chicken salad sandwich and goes to sell his tickets just before it starts a downpour of rain at 4:45, which drenches us before we get in at 4:55, being urged not to push. Get perfect seats in about the 8th row center, and "Close Encounters" is total dynamite (see DIARY 12495). Out at 7:10 and stand in line for the john, pushing aside someone who tries to barge in and putting my arm in front of a black who keeps insisting that standing in line is crazy. Out at 7:30 to buck the crowds coming in, and then go up to his place where he buys chicken, I shower while he goes to get butter, and we're drinking the last of the Blue Curacao with rum, I read New Yorker and drink wine, he checks notes on the index with me, and we eat about 11, then he smokes, we have sex, he comes, and I don't feel like coming, but feel quite horny the next day. We fall asleep about 1 am again.

DIARY 12496

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 18. He shuts the alarm off before it rings, about 8, and makes breakfast of scrambled eggs and good homemade toast, and we're out about 9:10 to crowded trains. I go around to grocery shop, get back to shit, and finish reading "Dianetics" just to put the book away. Dennis calls that Eli's called him about Kilimanjaro for $500, but he doesn't want to go, and I do a tiny bit of looking on the maps to see where it is. But the main part of the day is spent listening to tapes from Pope, starting with the three hours of "Money and Consciousness" (see DIARY 12497). I listen to that until 2:30, interspersing it with calling Michael to come to the Brooklyn Dance Festival with me. Then go to the bank to get a money order (which for some reason they didn't charge me for) for the United Asbestos purchase, and pick up the Chinese laundry. Listen to the first hour of Joe Campbell's tape to 4:30, and then I just HAVE to see the rest of Pope's films, so I put them on and see the last two reels and come nicely over the same cock I creamed over before. Had some roast beef about 3, too, as I remember. After coming, I just had no time for exercising or alphaphones or even light-work, so I showered and left about 7 for Brooklyn College, getting there about 7:45 and reading, but had to leave the ticket for Michael at the box office about 8:05. The Joffrey II was quite a respectable company (see DIARY 12498), and we got out about 10:10, and Michael said that he was sleepy for a heavy date the next night and wouldn't come to Arnold's. OH, Bob Rosinek called today, too, giving me his phone number and asking to be remembered to Arnold and Norma, and taking some of the unexplained time. Subway back to Arnold's, and thankfully he has cheese and dips and meatballs and cheesecake and vegetables around, so there's something for me to eat. Chat with Pope and Alice and some couple about est in the kitchen, with Al Tinkle and Avalon and Jane Franklin in the living room, who tells me what a bore Arusha is, and Greg for a long time about Jacques Cagna, and he's going back to Paris in February for a long time, and I should see him there. Also, Rolf called and is back for the weekend; AND Fred came up for 7 bottles for $56. I lasted at Arnie's until about 1:10, then came home---and maybe it was THEN that I watched the films, getting to sleep about 2:45, annoying Watson above.

DIARY 12499

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19. Wake about 10, dream very vivid in memory (see DIARY 12493), and lay thinking about all the CONNECTEDNESSES (see DIARY 12494) until about 10:15, when I get up to type two pages till 11, talk to Dennis, talk to Bruce, and then I'm getting hungry, so I put on hamburger and have lunch early because I had no breakfast, and then continue reading Jerome until I notice it's 1 pm, and then I watch "Georgia O'Keefe" until 2 and "To Be a Man" until 3, and then get into light-work by 3:10 and feel SO sexy that I finish with it early at 3:45 and go into the bedroom to jerk off with the first reel put on, with Bob Anthony's LOVELY fellow in "Sextrip," and then had a half-hour with alphaphones that seemed to get somewhere AGAIN (see DIARY 12484). Determined to exercise, and did 3 pullups with little difficulty, and then went back and did a fourth one for the first time in ages, and finished up the page, showered, washed my hair, phoned Bruce to see if I could read David's pamphlet before but he's gone out, and then there seems to be no time to eat, so I get to 14th and 6th at 7:05 and have a slice of pizza for 50 that tastes good, and then up to the church on 20th and 6th JUST as George Pierson and Joan Ann and Bruce and a few other Actualism people are paying their $2.50 and going in. He collects $1 for the book that he bought at Weiser's for us, and we settle in (in the group sigil, as he whispers to me) to listen to David Spangler, who's rather a bore (see DIARY 12500). Out at 9, and I don't even get his autograph on my book I'm so unimpressed. They want to have coffee together, but I split at 7th for Dennis's, buying two bottles of Manishewitz wine and the Times, and chat with Dennis about the index, read most of the Times, have dinner of the rest of chicken and scalloped potatoes and toast, good, and the almond-flavored wine is tasty but not good enough. Then he starts smoking and we get into sex again, and he comes with great feeling and I use his come, then my spit, then anything, and work and work and work for an IMPOSSIBLE length of time until I FINALLY pull myself off, completely exhausted, and we almost fall asleep in that position, but we roll around and go to sleep about 2 am.

DIARY 12501

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20. I wake about 10, and lay until his folks ring at 10:50, and turn on Camera Three to find it usurped by Sadat's visit to Israel, which may be a big deal to THEM, but why is it such a big deal to the United States? Work the puzzle, finish the Times, choose hamburger (with cheese) and olives and scalloped potatoes for breakfast, and leave about 2, feeling that something is vaguely wrong with Dennis and me (see DIARY 12502). Home at 2:30 and am so far along with "A Man Divided" that I sit to finish it (almost) before watching "The Arcata Promise," with good performances by Anthony Hopkins as an actor who's deserted by Kate Nelligan, young and pert, and falls apart, killing her and himself, with John Frazer as a strange gay valet-nemesis. Then at 4:30 watch "Gay Purr-ee" which isn't great, but when ABC turns it off at 5:50 to show a Barbara Wawa interview with Sadat and Begin, I get VERY annoyed. Then finish "A Man Divided" (see DIARY 12503), sit for about 40 minutes doing light-work, do more reading about Africa and find the article about climbing Kilimanjaro, go to Rolf's and pick up 20 for $100, then put on roast beef and watch Cousteau in "500 million years beneath the sea," which turns out to be the one on the Nautilus that I'd seen before off New Caledonia. Then sit through "I, Claudius" part II, getting bored, and then type 5 pages between 10 and 11:10, do alphaphones between 11:25 and 11:55 (see DIARY 12484), and feel QUITE exhausted, so I wash my face and brush my teeth and crawl into bed at 12:15, hoping to do a full-length Reunion in Consciousness, but finish and turn to the clock to find that it's only 12:45. Feels better than usual to lay on my back without a pillow, feeling my back more flat than before at the curve at the waist, and the shoulders feel more relaxed than before, except that I keep hitching them to check that I'm not holding them in a stiff position. Keep rubbing the lines between my eyes on my forehead, hoping that stomach will go away, and don't feel the least bit sexy. Don't know whether it's the aftermath of the psychic surgery, the aftermath of body sessions, the aftermath of the strenuous come last night, or lack of concentrated exercise that makes me feel so TIRED when I haven't really DONE anything through the day.

DIARY 12505

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21. Wake just after 8, feeling still tired after as much as 7 hours sleep, and lay thinking of ways in which I spend time (see DIARY 12504) until about 8:45, then get up and start sorting things out in the apartment, and then Arnie calls at 9:15 and talks until 10, I have cereal for breakfast and start typing pages, then Dennis calls and chats, I make lists in the World's Guide to 200 Museums, look up Bologna since Dennis wants to know if I'd go with him, get mail, and finish 6 pages by 3 pm!! Oh, also checked which Africa articles I'd want, so THAT took about an hour. Did light-work for about 45 minutes, heated up the roast beef to have a meal before going to the baths, amazed that it seemed to be getting dark at 4 pm now, and then showered and shaved and sprayed with underarm deodorant before donning one pair of mismatched socks since I had only one clean sock left. Exercised beforehand, but felt so weak that I could only pullup twice, managing to get a shaky third one in after a moment. Then out about 5:45 to catch subways so quickly that I got to Barnes and Noble at 6:15, in time to buy (oh, forgot that I read ALL of "Links with Space" after 3 pm, too, which filled up the rest of the time) the two L'Engle books that Joan Ann had recommended to me before they close at 6:45. Down to Man's Country, which hadn't been changed THAT much (see DIARY 12506), but I do manage to do two nice ones, leaving at 9:35 to ring Joan at 9:45 and get told to wait until she calls down. I finish Jerome's "Sketches in Lavender, Blue and Green" (see DIARY 12507) about 10:15 and then get into "Wrinkle in Time" before she calls at 10:45 and says I should come up, chatting with Dorothy, wandering around with a rag on her head because John just extracted a cyst by physic surgery! I'm floored with the conversation and the NUMBER of suggestions she has for my life (see DIARY 12508). The body session is almost completely unfelt (see DIARY 12509) and I get out at 12:50 to continue reading while waiting for the subway, get home ravenous to have three scrambled eggs and two muffins, one with honey, and then about 1:45 decide to finish reading the book, which I do by 3 am, feeling VERY contented to get to sleep.

DIARY 12510

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 22. Wake at 10 am and still feel sleepy, so I don't get out of bed until I hear the phone ringing at 11 am, and it's Arnold, talking about the 10 best American movies (see DIARY 12511) until about 12, and about Africa until 1, at which point he phones Boston and finds that the trip has been CANCELLED. Then we talk again until about 2, which is a lousy way to spend a day, and Terry Kornak called yesterday to offer me a book that had been pre-indexed partially, but I said I'd hold out for endorphins. Then decided the hell with it all (had cereal for breakfast, and at 2 went down to pick up 15 pieces of mail, most of it junk) and sat down and read ALL of "Wind in the Door" which I enjoyed, but I kept thinking about writing, then decided to stop mooning and did light-work from 3:20 to 4:10 (THEN read the book), and then got so impatient that I typed 7 pages of Throwback (see DIARY 92000-92005 and 92030) and three pages of this by 9:15 pm. Left for Dennis's reading the beginning of "Corydon," which seems VERY much out of date at this point (thank goodness). Up to find he'd finished with the chicken already and was working on the potatoes (fried mashed??) and zucchini, so I waited to take a shower until after we ate. I felt very involved in myself, and he even had to MENTION that he'd cooked the chicken extra-crispy for me, did I like it? And felt very guilty about it when I had to be reminded to tell him it was so good. When I came out of the shower he'd lit the candles AND left the lights on, so we got to necking and into his cock, and he told me that he hadn't come since Sunday evening, and his cock looked it: oozing enormous quantities of clear fluid until the entire cockhead under the foreskin was slippery with the smooth liquid, and I had to keep insisting that he slow down, not do it so fast or so hard, but he still went at it until, when I tried to pull his hands away, large globs of white come were shooting out the end of his cock, so I let him go and he spurted enough to cover my stomach, and then I played with him until I felt like coming, too, and worked away for a thankfully short period of time until I came too, and he almost fell asleep, and then I put the poppers away and blew out the last candles and slept uncomfortably in his bed which seemed even smaller than before.

DIARY 12512

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 23. He got up at 7 to go out and run, and I dozed through that and his making breakfast, and got to finish one of his last two eggs, with toast, and he leaves about 9:30, which gives me time to look through some New Yorkers and do about 25 minutes of light-work before leaving at 10:40 to walk in a slight drizzle down to Star Center for my x-out with Bruce at 11 (see DIARY 12513). Out at 12:45, having to walk up to Dennis's because I'd forgotten my wallet at his place on the dresser (what IS this with my wallet: lose it at the ballet two weeks ago, leave it at Dennis's today!), and buy some yarrow tea, try to find rubber snakes, but don't find them. Walk a bit in the rain, getting home about 2, and Dennis called to say that he'd be over this evening since Rick might be staying at his place. I think I wash dishes then, since he'll be having dinner here, but I can't remember what I do with the rest of the afternoon. Try to type, but feel that my fingers aren't working well: I'd made the last of the roast beef for lunch, reading more of the Biofeedback book at last, and had some orange juice as I made it. My stomach rumbled a bit then, and I felt progressively poorer until I felt that I was becoming sick, and I wondered if I couldn't have had some food poisoning somewhere. Dennis called from his place about 6, just as Rick had called me, and he said he'd be over right then, so I went to bed for a nap until 7, when he showed up. I made meatloaf for dinner, which turned out awful, with yams, deciding not to make a dessert that I ransacked the recipe books to find (not even finding a good recipe for chocolate icing), and in my effort to be cheerful, Dennis says that I should have a fever more often. We eat, I'm feeling somewhat better, have a couple cups of yarrow tea, which is awful alone but better with honey, and then I take my temperature to find I'm up to 100.5! He smokes and gets into his cock for a longish time, saying that he almost went too long to come, and then he falls asleep about 10:50, so I get out to watch Dick Cavett interview Bill Buckley until 11:30 and "Forbidden Games" until 1, and I'm surprised that I didn't remember how AWFUL the girl was with CROSSES on all the graves. Feel DREADFUL for the rest of the night (see DIARY 12516).

DIARY 12518

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24. We both wake about 7 and he gets up to put on my baggy blue trousers and short-in-the-sleeve sweatshirt to run, not taking us up on our suggestion of last night that he should wear the silver lame pants, which fit even HIM tightly. I get up to lug the smaller chair back into the living room and put some other things away, since the place was SUCH a mess and I don't know how sick I'm going to be, and he says he's not hungry yet, so I go back to bed for awhile, trying light-work, but it really doesn't seem to work very well when I'm not feeling good. But I can't lay there all the day, because I don't feel THAT bad, so I get up at 11 and broil bacon and make small omelets for a good breakfast, and he continues with his index and I sit down and read the Hannah Arendt article on "Thinking" until 2, when I turn on TV for one program and get the last half-hour of "Hans Christian Anderson" and that AWFUL Little Mermaid ballet with incredibly stiff Jeanmaire and some AWFUL Ricardo Montalban-type dancer in black. Then "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" has a VERY stiff-upper lipped British girl awful as Alice, good White Rabbit by Michael Crawford, and wasted Robert Helpmann as Hatter and Peter Sellers as Hare because the DIRECTION is so pedestrian. That's over at 4:10, I'd washed dishes in the morning, and Dennis showers while I type 2 pages that I'd left empty from before (see DIARY 12506-12507), and then I get in to wash my hair and shower and shave and am just brushing my teeth at 5:20 when Rick comes in, early, since I waked him just at 4:35, and I serve them wine, which they like lots since it's M. Lamont Semillon, and we're out at 5:55 to go down to The River for their $18 Prix Fixe dinner: GOOD vegetable platter, marvelous breads, good oyster stew/mediocre bouillon, GREAT beef, mediocre goose for Dennis and turkey for me, good cranberry sauce, processed apple cider that Rick hated, decent peas and onions, hard yams, mashed potatoes, and three half-bottles of wine brought bill to $77, or $88 with tip, expensive but nice. Rick refuses, thank goodness, a suggestion of Kahlua, we're back at 9:15 and Dennis annoys by going to index without telling me, so I lay on sofa and listen to WQXR until 10:30, when I hear his SNORING from BED, and I wash face and clean teeth and crawl into bed WITHOUT blanket on (see DIARY 12516), glad to get to bed so early, hoping to be ENTIRELY rid of the cold by tomorrow.

DIARY 12519

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25. Wake just before 7, when Dennis does, and he's up again to run, again saying he's horny through the day though I blame him for not telling me he was going to sleep so early. I've sweat a lot and the bed is sort of soggy, so I'm up at 10 when Arnie calls to pick up magazines, start sorting through material for Throwback, then go buy groceries at 10:25, get back at 11:05 to make breakfast, interrupted by a phone call from Rick in the middle of good fried bread at 11:45 to say he'd liked "Close Encounters," and then with Arnie's coming in at 12, and then Pope calls while I'm doing dishes to tell about HIS hilarious Thanksgiving dinner (Luther's girl's mother meeting him SMASHED at the door, saying "I HATE you, God damn it, I HATE you"), and finish in time to brush my teeth by 1 to watch Jacques Cousteau's look for the Britannic (he didn't find much, that's for sure) until 2, when Dennis's lesson started that he left for, and then "It's Hard to Be a Penguin" until 3, which I thought I may have seen until the Sea Leopard starts throwing around penguin carcasses. Marty drops up to buy 2 bottles, I refile the Africa stuff to have more room for books on the bookcase, and actually went through to make 57 pages of "Throwback" (catching me up almost through yesterday, going by the "10 pages/day from Saturday on"), and typed a "coming together" page (see DIARY 92058) and start on the outline to coalesce my ideas (see DIARY 92059). Dennis comes in at 5:30, I put on chicken at 6 because he's hungry and doesn't want meatloaf again, and finish typing two Throwback pages and nine others by 6:50 pm. Chicken isn't quite finished at 7, but we have it anyway, finishing sweet potatoes and having the strawberries that he brought 2/$1 with Sambuca, which isn't THAT good a combination, but it's nice. He goes back to typing cards and I watch Gunther Gebel-Williams ordering animals around with his wife and grown daughter from 8-9, then get back to the outline for the book and type it meticulously (see DIARY 92060) by 11:10. Also took a shower sometime in here, as he did, and he smokes and we have GREAT sex after he tells me about a Puerto Rican jerking off slowly in a subway john and I get VERY hard, playing luxuriously with my cock, getting two rubber bands, and he comes quickly because he doesn't want to pause with it, and I come very soon afterwards, feeling great, by 1 am, not feeling cold.

DIARY 12520

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 26. He's up at 8:30 and I lay around for a bit, then up at 9 to look through the text that he's finished marking, and find a lot of things to annoy me, puzzle me, and exasperate me by the time we're finished by 11. It's so late then that we decide to have a sort of brunch at 11:30 of most of the rest of the meatloaf on toasted bread, and have the rest of the strawberries for dessert, since they're just about to go bad. I sit in the living room with the ads for Box 1031 and answer his questions as he types more of the cards, and then decide that I have to go out shopping, so I might as well check the clothesline, which I need, and I'd taken the fixture out of the toilet and shut off the cold water when it didn't work again, so I had quite a list of things to get by the time I left at 2:45. Picked up socks and hangers at Barneys, but they didn't have snakes, and then get clothesline, pulley, and toilet fixture at the hardware store across the street, and try Woolworth's, Toy Store, Korvette's and A&S to find that NONE of them have rubber or plastic snakes, and I've picked the worst times since the stores are jammed with people. Further down Fulton and try Mays and McCrory's and Martin's and a number of other places, but NONE of them has it, so I stop in Health Food Shop and get entranced by buckwheat pancake flour, Mad Hatter tea, and apple juice as well as with the blackstrap molasses. Up to Montague Street and buy two half-gallons of M. Lamont wine (Burgundy which Dennis hates and Chablis), and a new Sambuca and Rum, then across the street for milk and half-and-half, spending all but a few dollars, and in at 5:45, quite exhausted from shopping. Dennis calls me to Byron. Miss the Strongest Men contest by 6, see the "Star Trek" is an old one, then make the bed and wash the dishes and watch the good parts of "When Worlds Collide." Back to editing the ads, then buy the Times and Voice at 8:45, and have the rest of the chicken, and corn, while watching "Point of Order," which is very confused, except that Roy Cohn and McCarthy look like SUCH heavies it's hard to findgure how anyone was sucked in by them. Dennis starts watching Stage Fright" at 11, and I read Times and then start watching until 1, and he gets into cock again and comes, and we get to sleep about 2 am.

DIARY 12521

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 27. Dennis gets up about 9 and I'm up about 10 to read more of the Times and work both puzzles, and we have fried eggs and bacon for breakfast while watching "Beaubourg II" on Camera Three, and then he watches Cronyn and Tandy with Beverly Sills until 12. I continue with the Times and the puzzles, helping him with the index, until we decide to have tuna salad about 4 pm and I find there's no mayonnaise, no one's home across the way to borrow from, and I decide to make some. MISTAKE! Try one yolk, perfectly free of white, and put in probably too much oil and it's doesn't mix. Try another yolk, all the oil, and then in the blender, putting it into the refrigerator (which turns into a thin layer of mayonnaise on the bottom later!), but by this time it's 4:35 and there's barely time for me to finish the meatloaf and him to have the tuna that I opened before I jump into the shower and shave and brush my teeth and leave for Actualism at 5:15, getting there at 5:55 to give Jan my check for $30 for the x-out and pay the $12.50 for one of the best bargains of the year: Carol Ann Schofield. She's beautiful, lively, witty, considerate, affectionate, and many more good qualities, and the class is extraordinary (see DIARY 12522). It goes on and on with people asking questions until 10, and then Lois is going off the next day, all smiles for everyone, saying "Things are going so much faster now," Carol Ann hugging everyone and saying that she'll be back next year, and Rebekah, Jan, and Bruce each coming over for their hugs, and even many of the class-group hugging among themselves. An extraordinary event! Phone Dennis and go outside to find that it's SNOWING slightly, though it doesn't stay, and I don't even mind that I've missed "The Hobbit" which Dennis watches. Home about 10:50 to make the mushroom-hamburger dish, and we eat about 11:45, Dennis pissed at my keeping at him to keep a list of hours he worked on the job, so that he can schedule his time in the future. He says he thinks my parent is a bitch, and I don't tell him that my parent appears ONLY when his CHILD appears. He crawls into bed, gives me a stony stare when I show him he's taken all the covers, and we're to sleep about 12:15, the earliest ever, but not in the best of attitudes to each other.