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1986 1 of 2

My journal from 1986 is not as detailed or day-by-day as before; I just want to get the BASIC journal pages on the website. For missing days, I've included LIFELIST at the end of the year to supplement journal entries.

2/10/86: RICHARD LEAKEY AT MUSEUM NATURAL HISTORY: Arnold: his face looks like it came from an exhibit case. BZ: Better than from a jar of formaldehyde. Arnold: If he goes on five minutes more it will become a Monty Python skit. Green = Vervet = 1st AIDS-case monkey!!
60-70M BC: primate ANCESTORS, from fossils
65M BC: Start of Age of Mammels. 200M BC, FIRST mammels, taking over 140M yrs.
60-65M BC: Protoprimates ONLY found in North America!
Lake Turkana yields early Mammals in Kenya.
2-3M BC
(4-LEG) (2-LEG) 5M BC
Man CLOSER to chimps (not to orang, as Todaro said in 1975) biochemically, than horses are close to donkeys (and THESE can interbreed).
150,000 BC is dawn of acceptably human species: homo sapiens.
1.3M - 100,000 BC: era of hand tools
Presumed around 200,000BC: the HUMAN capacity of ABSTRACTION.
Food-sharing (killing animals) important in society.
STONE technology 2.5 - 2.1M BC.: the culture/technology threshold.
1.6M BC 12-year-old boy was 5'6", growing to 6', at Turkana, tall for Australopithecus but NOT tall for homo erectus, who was ALWAYS quite tall!
900 cc brain versus 1400 cc brain.
2.5 - 1.0M BC was homo erectus; homo habilis; australopithecus (2.5-3M BC).
Lucy (Australopithecus afarensis) 3-4M BC. 3.75M BC bipedal Laetoli tracks.
October 1985: new primate from 18.5M BC!! SIX new primate finds in Feb. 86!! in West Lake Turkana. Mountains in east Africa uplifted 20M BC, PRIME area.
Language? (speculative) homo erectus HAD speech in 10M BC. EQUIVALENT to hand-tool abstraction. Blooc/molecular biologists say 5M BC was split from chimp to human. Fossil hominids (NOT apes) OVER 5M BC. Body hair-loss theory: TO bipedalism take motion-energy; hairlessness for SWEAT evaporation from savannah food-search in HEAT. Potassium-radioargon dating in STRATA and stratography via VOLCANIC layering.

2/13/86: Again writing in the notebook, again of my wants and fears. Now that the must-be-done indexes are done, & the to-be-watched tapes have vanished from the pile atop my VCR, now that restaurants are set up, money's coming in, bills are paid, letters are out, again I return to the notebook to say how much I WANT: now that I have the free time I want to go to galleries and museums and movies and restaurants & dance companies (but there are no good dance companies to go to, I'm already stuffed with restaurants and have friends lined up for the next several, didn't like the acclaimed "Ran" at the movies yesterday and didn't much care for Vienna '79 afterwards, and I CAN go to the museums and galleries, but I don't FEEL like it right now. AND now that my shelves-of-books-to-be-read is down to 39, under 40 for the first time in MANY years, I want to FINISH them! AND start going to J&R daily so I can pick up the tapes I want records of. And today (and yesterday and the day before) I DIDN'T go to the gym because I didn't feel like it; my listing of Actualism sessions ENDED in September, though we're about to start a new phase tomorrow---in short, typically, I'm caught up and nowhere to go. I feel I want to work on the play but I don't. I'm flabbergasted by the coincidence of finishing reading Heidegger's "Early Greek Thought" yesterday and finding that HE speaks highly of the immanence of God Within, and watching "Dune" on VCR today about Muad-dib, the Messiah, and I want to be a Messiah, I want to save the world (and even fantasized over the weekend that OUR inner work did something about the downfall of Duvallier and the election-beating of Marcos), and I AGAIN envision a scene in which I'm "rewarded" for my help, because I'm so strong, but am denied access to the actual WORK because I'd just get impossibly arrogant in ordinary life. So I set up a tape for TV tonight, wash the dishes, get ready to go to Michael's birthday party, and decide that I want nothing better for the next few hours than to play WORM!!

2/17/86: 9AM note before arising: ME-MAP

N Essay - Writing - Play
Inner - Philosophy Thought
Actualism Exercise
Mysticism - Me - Body
Reincarnation Destruction
Others Sense Trance
Investigating Positing
Universe Knowledge
Dis- Bad N Good Eu-
Illness N Health
Pessimism N Optimism
---and what HAD been a great idea is nothing but a conglomerate of WORDS now!!

3/8/86: Notes from Brooklyn Tour, written on "Map and Guide to Prospect Park."
Other great places to see, pointed out on tour:
Church of All Saints at Lafayette and Vanderbilt, and Masonic Temple NEXT to it (and do statues STOP on the Church when they get across from the Temple?).
Recommended seeing the Hanson Place Methodist choir any Sunday at 11AM.
Also the Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian Church.
And at Pratt: The Library with its Tiffany glass; its generator (all this is on Clinton between Myrtle (and is it Dekalb?) with the Pratt Houses, which I used as an excuse to write down the phone number of Michael Apuzzo, 718-423-0351, a cute fellow who gives it to me agreeably while looking at the stones described and embedded in the front of the church.
AND the St. Augustine's gold tabernacle at 6th Avenue and Park Place in Brklyn.

3/11/86: notes at 3:30AM, when I just CAN'T get to sleep: starting from past:
1) "No Nukes" leads me to think of HOW to get the data on the ENTIRE research, manufacturing, fabrication, shipping, maintenance processes, and how MANY would have to be contacted by families and friends to have them QUIT their jobs in factories and armies and facilities. How MUCH unemployment, or sabotage, to stop it completely. Both here AND abroad?
2) "I want time," which has to loop OUT of real-time: to read, do it all BEFORE NOW ENDS; to write, BEFORE THE CLOCK TICKS AGAIN; to HAVE DONE IT BY THINKING OF DOING IT. Live all the lives you WANT to live, in NO TIME.
3) I became OBSESSED with the STUPIDITY of the saying "Ignorance of the law is no excuse," when I think of HOW to write the letter to IRS about IRA payments.
4) "Lifestyles" becomes the "Ratrace" of the Rich and Famous!

3/22/86: 2:40AM: Add to doctor's list: heart-chest pain on mid-EXHALE on lying.
10:10AM: I lie in bed thinking "there's nothing pressing to do" and come up with TWENTY-FIVE ITEMS TO DO: 1) Income taxes, 2) Clean apartment, 3) Clean closets thoroughly, 4) Clean drawers thoroughly, 5) Clean cabinets thoroughly, 6) Masturbate, 7) Shop, 8) Read books, 9) Do stamps, 10) Write play, 11) Work on "MAP", 12) Process Lifelist, 13) Learn bought program, 14) Computer-list stamps, 15) Update lists, 16) Go to museums, 17) Go to galleries, 18) Handle "DO stack, 19) Get and watch TV cassettes, 20) Re-sort porno films, 21) Handle correspondence, 22) Process travel data, 23) Rent-a-car and go for a day, 24) Take an impulse International Weekends trip, 25) Move to Europe.

3/24/86: 8:40PM: Waiting for dinner to cook before Academy Awards, caught up with EVERYTHING (except list above), and feel that I'm not doing ANYTHING of use, with no work and no visits to anyone, only television movies endlessly. Don't even have the energy to jerk off recently! At least re-started going to my gym! Will be glad when I read all the books from the "distant past," and I can get to NEW ones. Don't even feel much like making this page end meaningly.

4/8/86: Go to Pope's for my reading, and concentrate on auspicious dates for my Czechoslovak trip: he says the whole YEAR is good for travel. Sunday, August 17 is the BEST for starting; full moon on August 19. LESSER alternative is August 26-27, Tue and Wed. August 22 and 23 are good days. Better to STAY QUIET on Sept 5-6, not many moves, and Sept 20-30 is a VERY GOOD STABLE period in travel: for BEING there or traveling HOME. For RETURNING: Sep 10-12 is good and Sep 16-18 is good. October 1-10 is romantic, creative, and artistic, as is December 9-17. Further afield, 198-1991 is good for SHARED relationships that will get stronger, and in 1988, if NOT in a relationship, I'll GET one, with which I'll be CONTENT in 1991. November 1985 - November 1988 is a period of testing and reorganizing in work. Health should be worked on: keep UP on bones, teeth, and skin.

4/10/86: I make a list of the NUMBER of people I want to BE, for ALWAYS:
1) Reader
2) Writer
3) Indexer/maintenance-r/exerciser
4) Entertainment-absorber: film-tape/restaurant/museum/gallery
5) Traveler
6) Famous figure/interviewee/talker
7) Consciousness-expander
8) Friend/lover/communicator

4/11/86: I make a note of what computer-saves I should do: SCRIPSV4 hasn't been duped yet. Looks like TEMP need be only NOTEBOOK, DREAMS, ACTUALISM, LISTS.
Then PERM can have all the rest. Then make NOTBKSV, DREAMSV, ACTLSV, & LISTSV files TO BE ADDED to each time TEMP fills up. But the idea later palls.

4/15/85: Decide to CANCEL an appointment I made with Dr. Daoud on 3/21 for 4/17 on which I'd had 1) nausea and fatigue after flu, 2) coughing spells, 3) rash inside right groin, and 4) wheezy feelings in lungs, and 5) heart-chest pain on mid-exhale on going to bed 3/22, since all of them aren't THERE anymore, except for the vague feeling of fungus-infection from the unclear humidifier in air.

4/21/86: REVERSALS: incredible how many values, judgments, and decisions of YOUNGER VIEWS find themselves being REVERSED nowadays:
1. Bed very late, up very late Bed better early, up better early.
2. One HUGE meal at END of day Many little meals, biggest
3. Positively no exercise whatsoever SOME daily exercise almost
4. Books most wonderful things Books may not be REALLY necessary.
5. Academy Awards critical to see Awards obviously political & silly.
6. Movies "best" entertainment Movies more and more boring.
7. Masturbate constantly Once a week is more than enough.
8. PEOPLE best to jot notes about IDEAS best to jot notes about.
9. Always make LISTS of things-to-do NEVER make lists of things-to-do.
10.Apartment-in-a-mess just fine Apartment should always be orderly.
11.Solitude is most productive Companionship muchly to be desired.
12.Correspondence-letters paramount Yearly journal-letters sufficient.
13.Never throw away anything Best to throw MOST away.
14.Everything absolutely optimistic Constant thoughts of disease
15.Discipline uppermost If I don't feel like it, I don't
16.Energy, energy, energy! Rest, rest, rest!
17.See every new opera/ballet/symphony Most new works are just dreadful.
18.Liszt,Tchaikovsky,Borodin,ROMANCE! Reich,drone-music,TRANQUILLITY!
19.Never eat candy Permanent sweet-tooth.
20.Want to travel EVERYWHERE Destinations strictly limited.
21.Yet stamps, computers, list-keeping, organization, self-scrutiny, writing of SOME kind,entertainment of SOME kind, nature-love of SOME kind remain paramount!

5/5/86: Thinking vaguely before sleep last night that I have the "most trouble" when I get exactly what I want, and "what I want" gradually flows into "MY will" and THAT is the inversion of "Higher Will," so that all the energies ARE inverted when I'm concentrating on MY WILL to the TOTAL EXCLUSION of Higher Will.
I'm so astounded by the richness of Stapledon's writing in "Four Encounters" and by Huxley's essays, and BOTH revolve about the idea of ONE versus MANY, and Huxley's statement that since MEN are different GODS will be different, it seems easy to extend that to the idea that FACTS are different, so there will always be MANY FACTS, but (tautologically) there can ONLY be ONE UNITY, so there IS the ONE UNITY AND MANY FACTS. So any "system" that I come up with will INCLUDE many facts (as it would be silly to think that there is only ONE author that I'd follow, or only ONE book that contains all good thought, or only ONE place to travel that would satisfy all relaxation and entertainment requirements) and still only INDICATE the unity underlying and connecting all the various facts and facets and factors IN that unity. It seems such a simplifying RELIEF to find that it's BOTH and not ONE OR the OTHER.

5/6/86 (after DREAM-166): Again reflecting thoughts of 5/5, above. "Higher Will" might be ONE will, where MY will is many: I have a will for sex, for travel, for work, for pleasure, for writing, etc. Then my idea for HAPPINESS (or more closely my IDEAL for EVERYTHING) seems to involve UNITY: I want simply to DO WHAT I WANT (which would be ONE thing next), yet the MANY DUTIES of the world press in: I should do dishes, work on an index, write my play, go to a gallery, read a book, watch a videotape, call friends, have a party, show slides, do an Actualism session, etc, etc, etc. I want the SIMPLE BODY that I had when I was a kid, but now I have to shower, clip toenails, care for teeth, exercise, worry about a sore shoulder, be concerned about bursitis of thumb- joints, salve my nose, grow a beard, debate a haircut, squeeze a pimple, buy new shoes. I'm attracted by the SIMPLE life of the "Prisoner", and then HERE have to care for my lists, rearrange my books, debate throwing out records, vacuum my carpets, do stamps, in general care for the PAST when I want to live in the PRESENT as a way of enjoying the FUTURE. But then even the FUTURE is part of the problem: I want THIS body and THIS brain-organization to live forever, but even with Actualism I can't "look forward" to enjoying life after life based on the UNITY of my Incarnating Ego: I still want to enjoy the debates and demands and multiplicity of my INDIVIDUAL Egos right NOW: the mind that wants to study and read and take notes, the ego that has the memories of trips and meals and movies, the libido that yearns to repeat past sexual glories, the id that fears the pain and suffering of a prolonged death, even if the "prolongation" is only a whirling fall into the ocean from a bomb-shattered jet. I want to write the ONE SHEET that contains EVERYTHING, though clearly the multiplicity won't allow that. I want to come up with the ONE PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE that contains everything, yet includes the richness and complexity and JOY OF EXPERIENCE of so many fields of sensation, thought, and emotion. I'm again reminded of that old metaphor: each area of living forms a MOUNTAIN of experience and thought, and what I want to do is create a NEW FORM out of the very APEX of each mountain: the RICHEST trip experience, the BEST entertainment in each area, the INTENSEST sexual experience, the most DELICIOUS food, the most AMUSING friends: take THOSE prime-apexes and live them ETERNALLY. Even though I KNOW that an AWARENESS of great dancing experiences made the "gala" at ABT last night VERY mediocre, and that if I'd gone into it as if THIS were the first time, unique, the "UNITY" of my experience of dance---it would have been fantastic on its own terms, totally enjoyable and ENGROSSING so that I wouldn't even have sensorium LEFT to COMPARE it (unfavorbly) with prior dance experiences. So I want it ONE way OR the other, and STILL want BOTH, and try to get both by not eating, not washing, doing-what-I-want-before-doing-what-I- must, and getting down to the end of the page so that I can type it out FULLY!

Type from 4/24/86 (old note found): 5/6/86: ZARDOZ notes, just to be able to FOLLOW movie:
0001: Arthur Frain, Zardoz, Immortal, "presenting story" in "possible future", be warned. "I am the puppet master---I'm invented for your entertainment and amusement...Who invented you? God in show business too?"
0022: Year 2293: Sara Kestelman is May, John Alderton is Fren, Sally Anne Newton other woman.
0033: Head to "Exterminators" with guns for "chosen ones" to kill "brutals." "Penis is evil" and poisons earth with plague of men. Penis shoots life; gun shoots DEATH; Zardoz "speaks" with guns.
0068: Connery shoots CAMERA: You, US. "Story Associate" is Bill Stair.
0091: Connery INSIDE head.
0122: SHOOTS Frain: "Without me you are nothing--a pawn--how pointless."
0147: Head TAKES him to "Vortex 4." Plants moan? Frain's apartment for RING: video-computer word-projector. "In this secret room from the past, I seek the future." Tree-meditation, Image-projection, look-commands, mind-crystal- projection. "Head only path into vortex." "Zed for Zardoz." "Took a woman in his name." "Zardoz made us grow wheat." "Arthur controls them. Brutal penetrates vortex. Arthur vanished." Last memories ONLY by memory-consent. "Died and reconstructed in reconstruction crystal. "May: for our love." "Committee will follow my intuition."
0316: Flashback to killing. "My father and mother were chosen, only WE could breed." "Arthur Frain is an artist; he control outland with imagination." DNA code; new diseases for immunization. "May's underthoughts." Silent voting with VERDICTS; looks can kill; "grace" before bread-meal.
0445: Psychic violence. "He lies." Ring-diagnosis. Speed-talk.
0471: Aging as punishment. Renegades and apathetics as "conclusions" of life. "I hate you all, especially me."
0525-0557: Erection sequence. Immortals have waking and unconscious COMBINED, no sleeping. Second-level meditation. Mutant:total recall;breeding potential. 0588: "You could BE anything, DO anything." 0603: ABSOLUTE equality.
0607-0685: Fren goes renegade.
0625: "Monitor is mirror---we look at ourselves---meditate at second level." "I will not be one mind with you."
0662: Zed to shield: signals exterminators.
0681: "Zed has gift of death--he can die."
0698: "What do you want?" "Death, for everybody." "You stink of despair."
0711: "Founders discovered immortality and built tabernacle."
0720: "Death---talk to May."
0732: Flashback: Library; books; reading; "Open your memory"; "Read everything; what the world had been before darkness fell. 0764: The book.
0769: Zed kills Zardoz: "You murdered your own God."
0776: "Make slaves to grow wheat for eternals."
0787: Friends are mutants; wants truth; REVENGE.
0792: "Wizard of Oz" is Zardoz. 0805: THE TRUTH IS REVENGE.
0810: Zed fights Consuela and goes BLIND.
0827: PLANT restores sight, and he knows more (through Psyche): "You are the one; the liberatory; death; PRE-SEES her end (which actually comes at 1229).
0840: Eats leaf for strength.
0845: BACK: World was dying; oasis; rich and powerful; cut ourselves OFF; "Custodians of the past for an unknown future."
0860: Brutals fighting eternals, to eternals fighting ZED!!
0872: Zed signals CLOSE exterminators.
0885: Apathetics "chase" Zed; his sweat CURES them: "We take life from you."
0912: Zed eats leaf; communion-kiss. Renegades "chase" Zed.
0936: Zed as BRIDE: "Death comes closer to us all."
0945: "A better breed COULD prosper here. This breed is AGAINST life, it must die. We will teach you all, while you inseminate us all. (Knowledge by osmosis out of time.) (All IN as seed OUT.)
0958: First battering ram. 0990: It's a prison, no a spaceship, to the stars, another dead end.
0994: Flashback: Founders MADE sealed vortex, eternal CHILDREN.
1000: Tabernacle ERASES memory of construction; NEVER die.
1004: With INFINITE time we FAILED to solve problems of universe. No exit.
"Kill tabernacle." CRYSTALS join each to each, and to tabernacle. Diamond contains everything and nothing. "Knowledge is not enough." Frain BACK; revenge; squeeze universe into a ball? "Nothing in ball---then I have Nothing to tell you.
1052: Second battering ram; WRECK statues of Gods; Consuela can't kill him: "In hunting you, I've become you." Nietzsche: "He who hunts dragons becomes a dragon." "If we live, we will live together." She gives RING; Zardoz gives BALL.
1082: "Transmitter is receiver--crystal in brain. "In diamond is infinite storage for reflected light-waves." "Would you kill God?" "I am everywhere and nowhere---that is often a definition of God."
1104: He's INSIDE diamond:"You are within me--come to my center."1122:Everyone. 1140: "You have destroyed us, you found the flaw, we are gone, you are alone." 1145: He shoots SELF(?), gives ALL??
1150: Wrecks statues in detail.
1157: They FIND Zed: AFTER everything? "Stay close to me, inside my aura."
1163: Wreckage BACKWARD. Apathetics and renegades find no one at Center.
1176: "Voice of turtle (total) is heard in the land."
1179: "We challenged nature, she found HIM to destroy US." Founders: "We forced the hand of evolution" and he "dies a good death."
1191: Stone head crashes. Zed gives diamond "Ride east; children look into it" 1205: Frain talks of breeding of "slave who can free masters." Zed: "I've looked into the face of the force that bred YOU" (Boorman??)
1213: "We've ALL been amused."
1219: "All eternals say yes to death, and never again no; farewell to sun and earth and rock---our long-waking dream."
1228: Zed CAN'T kill anyone, and exterminators kill everyone.
1230: Zed: "All that I was, is gone."
1246: Fren and Frain killed: "All a joke."
1251: Zed and Consuela to RUINS of head; kiss.
1258: ORCHESTRA killed, and ACTORS, exterminator CALL for Zed.
1268: "Zed" and Consuelo" give birth, child grows, they age, son leaves, they join hands, to skeletons.
1278: Pan to hand-outline on wall. Is all this the PAST??? 1280: The End.

Type note from 4/25/86: 5/6/86: How many HOURS of 1) Books read and MARKED, 2) Pages WRITTEN, 3) Stamps SORTED, 4) Slides ORGANIZED, 5) Films SELECTED, 6) Audiotapes ORGANIZED, 7) Records COLLECTED, 8) Videotapes EXTRACTED, 9) Lists PRODUCED--that could be DESTROYED in 1) Atomic blast, 2) Fire, 3) My death!!

Type 4/28/86 note: 5/6/86: Announced my May upper-east-side lunch, gallery, misc, street-walking: to Spartacus, Dennis, Susan, Michael, Joe, Sherryl, Rolf, Pope.
Pope wants to see the Frick. Rolf goes to East Side Club 4/27 at 227 E.56th St
Spartacus wants me to buy him a green Michelin of Scotland at 1/2 price.

5/8/86: Note: La Cirque: Bollito was $23, Soup $5, Dessert $8, which would be $36. They charged me LUNCH at $29 and Supplement of $7, for $36. Coffee was $4.75, so the bill was $40.75, tax $3.35, and $6.70 tip for total of $50.80. What with "ordinary" pistou, interesting mustarded fruit but TOUGH beef in Bollito (though GREAT tongue), and dessert SILLY to have to order ahead for ONLY fresh fruit, and silliness of "Mario" insisting I must be a cook, I don't have to return to La Cirque anymore until I'm famous enough to get GREAT stuff.

5/29/86: First the QUANTITY of food for the past two days has been enormous: starting with supplement for breakfast, an egg-salad sandwich and glass of juice and lots of corn chips about 3PM for lunch on Wednesday, I got "shorn" of my index by Macmillan and decided to go to Gargiulo's in Coney Island at 7PM, left at 7:15, got there are 8:15, and gorged on "Lenticchie & Scarola" (lentil and escarole soup, more vegetables than broth, lovely under LOTS of soft Parmesan cheese), "Pennette Boscaiola" ("pencil-ette" pasta under tomato sauce loaded with mushrooms, with more Parmesan), Filete de Pesce Racanati (what could have been monkfish [so tasty] under breadcrumbs, with a small side salad, with a mashed-potato cylinder), and a LARGE "Insalatina" with the Campo Paso California Chablis in a 1/2 liter AND a glass (that he said came with the meal, but the 1/2 carafe with the meal was $3.00 and he charged me $3.50 for wine), so the bill came to $19.50 and $1.60 tax and $3.20 tip = $24.30, and I wagered for number 36 and number 42 came out so I had to Visa for the meal. LOADED through the rest of the evening AND even up til about 1:30AM when I finally got to sleep. LOADED on getting up the next morning, so that there was NO PROBLEM eating nothing at all before getting to Casa de Espana's La Carabela Restaurant at 1:05PM and getting a Mulligatawny-ish tomato-puree soup (though heavy on the pepper and garlic) into which the waiter spooned green peppers, shrimp, onions, garlic, croutons, and a few other savories, then ANOTHER salad which I groaned through (though eating bread, nicely toasted with salt-butter) while starting on my 1/2 carafe white Sangria (again for $7.00 for which they charged me $7.50, which with the $10.50 for Filete de Lenguada (REALLY sole??) and $2.50 for soup brought the bill to $20.50 and $1.65 tax and $3.10 tip I left $25.25, not really the quality (or NEARLY the quantity) of Garguilo's, so not worth returning to. AGAIN TOTALLY STUFFED, so much so that my day at the library (both the Main Branch and the Lincoln Center Branch, exasperatingly closed at 5:30 when I go there at 5:35) ended with the GREAT clarity that I would eat AFTER the Dinosaur performance, and then the fact that THERE I kept nibbling on crackers and cheese and drank 1/2 bottle white wine MYSELF while talking with dizzy blond Loren and beautifully boned Deborah Zall, introducing her with great glee to Michael afterwards and then LEAVING at 9:15, feeling that I'd try to get into the Hard Rock Restaurant. Well, THAT was the point of getting to the computer this evening, and I hope I can do it justice. No line outside (just the red-eyed tail-end of the black Cadillac dipping at a crazy awning- angle out of the facade), but the tough at the door insisted on looking into my shoulder bag before ushering me in. I stood in the jamming chaos of noise, color, and motion of the entry before it occurred to me that people were signing up at the entrance for tables. I said I was one and he said I could stand along the FAR wall and wait for the waitress to seat me, without waiting, at the bar. I stood under the purple mantle of Prince, with its studded shoulder pads on the OUTSIDE, and tried to make "Elvis" out of some name that clearly started "Ell..." beside a guitar under the balcony. I never DID find out how people got up onto the balcony. Soon the hostess asked how many I was and I found a different way of shouting it: "Uno!" And she seemed to approve, snaking me through the tables apparently filled with a number of universities' football teams and their dates, though there were a couple of men-people a LOT older (maybe even as high as 30) in suits and ties. I REALLY pitied the black-rimmed-eyed girl finishing her lumpy dessert alone at the bar, and got so engrossed looking out over the sexy crowd (the humpy toot in the lime-green pullover-shirt with ruddy hair and charming eyes when he tried to pick up one of the harried waitresses; the incredible chest under the cherry-red shirt with white palm-tree silhouettes that blossomed over his narrow-hipped jeans; and the cute waiter who, when I shouted "What's that?" at the second dessert (the first, the Hard Rock Fantasy, just looked gooky), said "Brownies ala Mode, be sure to order it, it's my favorite!" and winked. Sigh. Ordered the Pig Sandwich (nothing like calling an animal an animal) for $7.50 and a Michelob for $2.50 (and the BAM was $3.95, bringing the total to $15.10, to which I added a $2.30 cash tip atop the Visa card), and settled back to watch the revelry. Of the crowd, when I could at last take my eyes off the show in the kitchen: each plate served came with a flourish of jazz-talk from the long-haired chef; phalanxes of waitresses would go into vague primitive rituals when they came to pick up their food. The ONLY time I understood the combination of the entry-table saying "Last call for Thompson table for five" and the kitchen saying "Pick-up special for table Leventy-Seven" was when the speaker was nestled under my right shoulder as I stood at the urinal in the tiny men's JOHN. Various owners came by (with Hard Rock symbols here or there, including one cutie with NO symbol who trotted past and made himself a Doctor Pepper [presto, you're a Doctor Pepper] without anyone noticing. I felt like shouting out "Now THERE'S a customer who knows what he's doing," but I thought he might be the REAL owner and demurred) and continued the jazzy razzing of the cookery staff, while two Spanish-speaking fellows earnestly communed across the counter about stacks of plates, various girls spilled various items of cole slaw and french fries into the racks of dressings and sauces below the counter (poor placement---thought the opening of the cooler doors BELOW to reveal arrays of half-gallon Sangria-pitchers filled with sherbet-colored levels of refills for the sauces was a TRIP), and geysers of flames spewed upward intermittently from what seemed to be exclusively BURGERS put onto the grill (though I guess the other items could have come from SOMEWHERE else). A couple sat at my left and laughed at the menu, and later Patrick Walser from Strasbourg sat at my right, saying he liked Yeager at Kitri in "Don Quixote" with Radojevic. The energy- level was so CONSTANTLY high that three or four times I had to CONSCIOUSLY slow down my eating to enjoy the (vaguely) enjoyable food and (immensely) fascinating audience. Guys and gals staggered past for the john behind me, and a LOVELY blond with a bright-red shirt passed in the company with two older fellows in what could ONLY have been a gay trio. A drop-dead beauty about 6'3" came in just behind me, and I espied a smooth-haired blond seemingly looking at me from a table of two other guys, but he never seemed to want to go to the john so I never got a closeup of him. There was music, of course, but it took second place to the crowd, which made the Palladium seem tranquil by comparison. With the energy of just EATING, no one had to go to a Disco at all. And speaking of Disco, the walls were covered with gold albums (including one HEART-shaped one), but I guess you'd just have to sit at the tables, get an afternoon tour, or simply make an ass of oneself walking around to find out WHO all these commemorated. Oh, almost forgot about the PRETTY blonde gal next to be who had a plain hamburg that looked awful, chatted about the place, and refused with a charming smile when I offered her a fork (rows of knife-fork pairs on napkins right in front of me) and my Brownies. ANOTHER belly-full of food, which I still feel as I type this out at 12:40, feeling I hardly did the place justice. The cute waiter beamed as I said his dessert recommendation was good, another waiter gratuitously asked me if I wanted my water-glass filled for the THIRD time (and I did!), and Patrick and I talked about Brooklyn Heights, Eugenie-Les-Bains, Maxim's in Paris and NYC, Le Capucin Gourmand, which he had HEARD of in Megeve, and his place in Strasbourg to which we can telephone since it's only 20 miles from Basle on September 1 on our trip. He'd never heard of Conques or St. Foi, but admired my trip into the hills between Nice and Avignon, not liking Baumaniere or Pere Bise, where Pyramide was so-so. He said the smaller restaurants in Paris were best, loved Tour d'Argent, but didn't know Quai des Ormes. Toward 10:30 there were two empty five-six people tables right in the middle, and no one was waiting outside, so maybe I just happened to hit a busy time, but it appeared that EVERYONE who was there wanted to be there (Patrick just passed and heard the music and walked in), and the word of mouth was probably enormous. A red-haired (particolored, actually) black woman was chatting animatedly with a mousy-black Jewish secretary outside the lady's room downstairs. Everyone mixed. Great energy, now in London, NYC, and Stockholm, and who KNOWS how long this particular phenomenon will be "in"?

6/17/86: Again this is the first typing in a LONG time: since 5/29! Having spent a LOT of time on stamps and reading and TV when indexes weren't coming in, then going for a week to Akron, I return to tell Joe that I won't be going to Czechoslovakia, to phone a couple of people, and to generally fret that I'm not as caught up as I had been for the past three months: stacks of mail to go through with a couple of jokers waiting for me: car insurance, IRS petition, and bills to go with the $2000 check Mom gave me as a loan to return 8/15/86, if I can get the money by then. Saturday, on my return, I did nothing but jerk off and start looking at the Times. Sunday, still "fresh back" I finished looking at the Times and jerking off. Monday I took care of the IMPORTANT calls (like Carol Baker at Little Brown and Dick Morris at National Academy Press to say that I WASN'T going on vacation and was thus open for indexes), and caught up on TV and re-started on stamps, and TODAY I'll start on the index (having at LAST gone through the pages to find I'm MISSING two double-page spreads! [and got to talk to the overly business-like Tony Davis]) to get that out of the WAY, and then FINISH "putting away" the last five countries (Albania, Brazil, China, Dahomey, Nicaragua) into the albums and "boxes to be sorted" to get THAT into good condition, and then finish up some more reading, get to the mail-stack, get to Arnold's and Pope's and Rolf's music-maker's, and THEN get back to the "routine" of enjoying New York and starting on the TWO MAIN PRIORITIES now that I'm back: finding someone for an intimate relationship and getting ONE THING published (as writing) or produced (as a play). And then I want to develop themes like war-crazedness (after watching the Iwo Jima and Aleutians program on Channel 13 yesterday), my increasing aches and pains (like the new bursitis-sites on my fingertips), and trying to pin down my agitation- fears of getting things ALL done without LEAVING FORM!

Type 5/23/86 NOTES TAKEN IN LIBRARY: 6/17/86: 1) Burroughs: Snack (microfilm), NOT IN!
2) Ballard: (in The Inner Landscape) "The Voices of Time" HAVE!
3) Burroughs: Ah Pook Is Here 13; Book of Breeething 63; Electronic Revolution 123-157; John Calder, Britain, 1979: I have last two but NOT Ah Pook.
4) Burroughs: Burroughs File: HAVE!
5) Purdy: Two Plays: "A Day After the Fair" p.3-40
p.8: "You pool of poisoned puke." Alliteration pretty.
ELGA & OSWIN goes in my mind to OLGA and ESWIN, which makes GOAL and SWINE!!
p.17: "...told you about Oswin and he (SIC!) plotting!"
Neil is Oswin's, Arnold's, and Elga's LOVE! p.18: "cemetary-bound"
p.22: "fill me wth murder....Elga, I love you...almost best."
p.35: "little paino" (piano!) Clyde and Clown master killed by Oswin. Elga dead by Neil's poison. Arnold dead by Neil. Oswin pleading for Neil to kill'm!
"True" p.45-51. p.48: "everybod[y] went up..." Young brother sees older brother stabbing someone, then young stabs old, and himself, and old finishes off young and then dies. UGH!! I MAY NOT GET IT AND I CAN CROSS IT OFF LIST!!
6) Purdy: Narrow Rooms (1978 Arbor House)
p.18: [At last]: I don't think of people as queer or straight.
p.22: Gareth---gang of boys clustered around the renderer.
p.36: Keeper and invalid kiss.
p.41: "I was---that way. Queer---or gay, or whatever they call it."
p.47: paragraph on jail rape.
p.49: "touching his lips to the fine pink pair of buttocks...why don't you lick my toes." p.55: scene of 69ing. p.65 "Don't shoot me, Sidney, I love you."
p.67: Brian must have a "master." (Roy). p.73: "scar, then mouth, to penis."
p.74: "as much in love with anybody as a damned person can be.....brought me out and showed me what I am. p.75: kill for me if you love me [CRAZY!!!]
p.81: I worship and love him---and want to kill him. p.88-89: sucked in shower and cums, THEN runs naked into hall?? p.97: Two bloody gun murders in one "aside." p.112: "Only by dying could Sid make up for what Roy had suffered.
p.118: "You can cut off my offending parts which have hurt you so long"[CRAZY!]
p.124: "He owes me his blood." WHO COULD?? p.126: MAD fuck scene.
p.131: [again] "Do--it--for love of me." p.147: Sid cries against his own cock! p.150-1: Sid nails Ray to barn door. WHAT A MOVIE THIS WOULD MAKE!!
p.156: "Don't believe in death or time." p.159: "fucked-up hunk...coy motherfucker...coy faggot." p.165: "His eyes were like two stones floating (!) in blood, beautiful and eloquent too." p.171: "Do you want me to take it in my mouth to show you?" p.175: "Angels' love" scene, & p.180. p.178: Gareth (ill) shoots kid and Ray DEAD. p.185: His MOTHER clasps Gareth as he bleeds all over his face and eyes!!!
7) Winwood Reade: Martyrdom of Man: Ch.IV: Intellect
Summary of Universal History 462-502
Future of the Human Race 502-511
Religion of Peace and Love 511-544
p.502: WAR is agent of PROGRESS.
p.504: Conquest of Asia by Europe is EMANCIPATION of Asians.
p.505: "War will cease when science discovers some destroying force, so simple in its administration, so horrible in its effects, that all art, all gallantry, will be at an end,and battles will be massacres which the feelings of mankind will be unable to endure." p.507: Communists. p.513: 1) motive force to replace steam, 2) aerial locomotion, 3) manufacture of flesh and flour!
p.514: "Immortality will be invented." Space travel, perfect creator-man.
p.523: Destruction of Christianity is essential to the interests of civilization (and p. 539). p.536: God is unknowable. p.537: Our faith is the perfectability of man. p.542: Sacrifice belief in personal God: THIS is the Martyrdom of Man, and HIS god and HIS immortality and HIS soul.
8) On following page, to preserve coherence of Purdy's work.

p.2: Copyright 1978 James Purdy

p.4: The lesson has been presented and the Master is in the hall.
She heard the first notes flying overhead and held her breast
It was the song only an angel could pour out
The Master was looking at her:
she spened her mouth, her lips trembled, and her teeth
appeared to fall to the floor like genuine pearls
A spider spun a web over her right eye
a mouse scurried at her feet
The Master looked again, his great baton rose over her snow-white throat
the tongue behind her falling teeth raised:
the great note reached out into the church
The congregation shuddered, the walls of the church moved,
the tapestries (which had waited for so many decades)
stricken with the sound
moved into warm life
Steeds, shepherds, sheep, Jesus smiled
and sunlight as gold as the gates of heaven flooded all eyes

p.5: SHE WAS a girl boys could not blot out
anymore than if she was the sun
and when the sun was not in the sky
she was of course the moon
& if the moon didn't shine
she was a candle in their mind

HE KNEW from where he stood
the ancient trees were nodding
just to please
He knew from out of all the grass
the sheep would bleat
would pass
would eat

all about the highest tree
little doves are making complaints
have they no mates
have they no one with whom to mate
they make such a complaint
in the tallest tallest tree
doves complain to you or me
they must mate

p.6: 1st of NADJA press, 64/174 numbered and 26 letters. Purdy signed all.

p.7: NYPL

p.9 (pencil): Phoenix 12/29/78 EB (print): NADJA EDITIONS/265 1/2 West 94/
New York 10025

p.10 (pencil): *KP/(NADJA)/79-160

Type MISC NOTE: 6/17/86: Prior Joe-Easter restaurants: 12/8/67: Grenouille with Kevin and Peter; 3/19/69: Joe takes me to Le Perigord; 11/19/69: Le Cygne; 3/30/70: Lutece

Type MISC NOTE: 6/17/86: My problem with "body's natural 25-hr cycle" is simple: I simply want to go to sleep an hour later EVERY NIGHT!

Type 6/2/86 Note: 6/17/86: 2:30AM: Increasing 1) bursitis: into tip of left pointer finger,
2) "peripheral visions" mice and roaches all OVER, 3) weight, 4) graying hair, 5) mentally being occupied with the idea of impending doom or death.

6/21/86 note: If you LOSE control as orgasm nears, WHO takes over??? 1) Your HIGHER nature?? 2) Your LOWER nature?? 3) "Hungry ghosts" WATCHING you?? 4) Cum God??

STAMPS NOTES 6/21/86: 1) STAMPS 2) Got to DECIDE things 3) I collect for ME, not others; so I must ENJOY it! 4) SOME countries (emirates) aren't playing FAIR 5) Must treat them differently 6) SOME countries are catalogued (big ones) 7) LITTLE ones "want" to be put AWAY 8) Too much TROUBLE to catalog 9) JUST PUT THEM AWAY 10) Leave "already in" emirates alone 11) Souvenir sheets simply lined up in plastic boxes to get RID of them 12) Too-large-for-box sheets into FOLDERS 13) Leave "legitimate" souvenir sheets in loose-stock 14) Add mint to loose-stock pages 15) Main aim: get BULK of stuff AWAY by FORGETTING catalogs!
On 6/17: stamps to 4:30AM, and it's starting to DAWN. Bed 4:40. Up at 10:05, only 5:25 sleep. 6/18: VERY tired to bed at 1:25, up 9:10, 7:45.
TOTAL COLLECTION: A.SHELVES:1)Singles(4), 2)Stocks(4), 3)Loose(2), 4)Catalog(4)
B.BEDROOM: 1) Closet: Boxes (6); Drawers (60), 2) Drawers (2)
C.LIBRARY CLOSET: Envelope Box (1)
D.Study shelf: to-be-sorted

Typed 6/21/86: Notes from trip to Akron: 6/10/86: Wake 6:30, 7:30, and 8:25. Then alarm and radio and finally I pee and tell Mom to use bathroom at 8:45 while I write dreams: 1) Groups of us in some "new moved in" apartment of mine, and someone's made LOVELY egg souffles in four enormous puffs like brioches in a frying pan. He says, happily, they're for four, and I start looking for chairs, debating which tables to use. One of the "guests" wanted to tell me something and I said, "There's no room, will you mind coming to bed with me?" and the handsome tall guy shrugged and crawled in, arms and legs wrapped around mine closely and comfortably and warmly, and we chatted and he as matter-of-factly got back OUT of bed. 2) I'm on some delightful wooded island like Bermuda or Martinique and there are large sweet-potato-like fruits high on trees, some split (like grapefruit here last night for breakfast this morning) and others too high. Some detail about "some being sweet only if ones on ANOTHER tree were picked or adjusted. Lots of huge fruit like enormous peanuts on all trees. Pleased to have such POSITIVE PLEASANT dreams on Mom's apartment sofa the day before her third tic doulouroux operation. Then, flabbergastion: she says she remembers two things from my coming last night: I complained about her driving (I did; she's Neil's type: waiting SO long at each step that something's BOUND to happen against her), and I WATCHED her getting my Visa card out of my wallet because I was AFRAID she'd STEAL from me: PURE invention! Breakfast is a disaster: she dramatizes, asks ENDLESS questions (What color do you want your toast? GREEN!) Then she WORKS herself to greater and greater jabs of pain, until I leave table in disgust and write this at 9:50, eager to leave.

6/21/86: Type 6/11/86 note: Call #5767 about 10:30, gone to room yet? Dr. Hardy 9:20AM, finished, "Took a long time to be as thorough as I could be. I'll NOT be able to see her in recovery room, but she'll be going to HER room about 10:30 and I can see her there. He'll TELL her I CAN'T see her until then.She CAN go home THIS afternoon, but he'll set up EENT about VERTIGO tomorrow, and THEN she can go home. CAT SCAN OK!! MORE trouble with THIS process the third time: she would report CHEEK sensations when needle was only on THIRD branch of nerve to JAW, but "people are different, and very few react as strongly as she does, but she did well." Did NOT do the jaw-clench nerve since "that would give her an asymmetric bite, and I know she didn't want that." They DO NOW go in through a hole in the skull! But if there NEEDS to be a NEXT one, it'll NOT be able to be this, since even THIS was hard because of previous times. At the LAST shot there was "a red flush along the jaw, and usually this is a good sign." GOOD chance of having done it." He "checked and checked and took a long time and did all he could." GOOD chance of elimination. 6/11 dream: starting small, with spoons and tiny tympani, I started making rhythmic percussive sounds, then built up with padded hammers and huge implements banging on large sheets of stained glass and metal to make enormous eochstral sounds that others could join me in---leading to a fantasy of an "art-work" of hanging, rotating, spinning colored gongs, bells, glass-works, all to be hit from a platform within by an "art-performer" enclosed in a sound-proofed glass-walled room in a museum that you could enter, participate in, or avoid. 6/12 dream: I get "home" to a strange place to try to arrange for a party, but I see two "guests" and ask Dennis if he's ALREADY set up a party, and the number of familiar people grows until there are two LARGE rooms, like dining rooms, FILLED with friends and STRANGERS (that I SHOULD know or who seem to have known ME) and it's like "This Is Your Life" (or maybe reception into life-after-death) and I'm greeting everyone and then there are performers and everyone starts to sing and AGAIN play on percussive instruments and glasses and pound rhythmically on tabletops, like last night. A charming, "I'm popular and loved" exciting dream. Then I lie from 8:30 to 10 and think of PRIORITIES in remaining life:1)WRITE a) plays to be produced, b) writings to be published, and this BEFORE 2), so I can PUBLISH delights of DOING 2)! 2) FIND SOMEONE TO SHARE a) loves and life in NYC, b) two grand final trips: i) SST to Australia, ii) Year-long QE2 to Europe and overland Europe-Africa-Asia to EVERYWHERE,c)rest of my earthly experience.3) STAMPS, READ, MOVIES, RESTAURANTS, MUSEUMS,GALLERIES, ALL IN NYC.RESOLVE:PUBLISH/PRODUCE 1 PIECE BEFORE NEXT TRIP!!

6/30/86: 1986 Great Adventure: Left Center 9:20. Into Safari 11:20. Into Park-line 12:10, into park 12:30. 12:40 onto Roaring Rapids line and off at 1:50. Meet Rich at fountain at 2PM, get ice-cream bar. 2:05 onto Sarajevo Bobs line (bratwurst and sodas)(they were ON it!) to 2:40 to get food, off 3:15. 3:20 onto Rolling Thunder line, and off at 4PM. 4:05 onto Log Flume (Moon flume closed) and off at 6:09, by far the longest. Quickly onto the Chairplane, then to the fountain and 7PM and into car at 7:15 and onto subway about 9:15, tired.

6/30/86: Everything's the WRONG WAY AROUND: 1) all the GOODS in Huxley's "Letters" have been FORGOTTEN; 2) all the WRONGS from "Mahabharata" have been KEPT; and 3) all the Burroughs' complaints from "Snack" are STILL complaints!
I: GOODS IN HUXLEY'S "LETTERS": p.153: one wonders which is greatest, the stupidity or the wickedness of our rulers. I think their stupidity.
p.158: I heard the Bishop of London preach the other day; for ignorance, sincere vulgarity and complete lack of the faculty of discursive reasoning, he is second only to the great preachers in print of the Sunday Pictorial.
p.160: I dread the inevitable acceleration of American world domination which will be the ultimate result of [W.W.I].
p.199: [Post-war mentality] blank fatalistic resignation to stupid and wicked governments, to anything or any person with power.
p.215: soldiers always saying bloody and bugger till the words cease to tell.
p.267: Bose's earlier results on the fatigue of metals and the effects of drugs on them. The results were published in 1900. Why haven't they been more used than they have? Is it that people don't believe---or what? When you SEE the plants making records of their own sensations: life implicit in ALL matter.
p.294: It's really humiliating that human beings can be so stupid as these Russians seem to be. They really are the devil.
p.297: sunning her tummy and got completely cured of intestinal TB as a result.
p.325: diversity--overlooked by contemporary science and...religion.
p.326: in every [colony] something precious and lovely had been taken away and replaced by a mound of shit.
p.351: dried stomach tissue is better than liver for anaemia; no complications.
p.389: curing insomnia by Yoga breathing and meditations, then (p.395)non-toxic mixture of calcium phosphate[p.396] and magnesium (Cals$edine in France)---NOW?
p.400-2: Alexander work, and colonic lavage and a vaccine prepared from the pathogenic organisms found in the faeces, clearing up the whole business!!
p.415: [Rhine] established the facts about nature and operation of ESP.
p.423: Violence and dictatorship cannot produce peace and liberty, only moreV&D
p.428: Sheldon's physiological types and their applications applauded.
p.433: a new cancer cure.
p.435: bacteria being mutations from one form???
p.441: Bates method endangers a $150,000,000/year spectacle industry.
p.442: glaucoma, cataracts, squint, pigmented retina, detached retinas cured.
p.443: basal metabolism bured by endocrine treatment and altitude.
p.449: Entelechy in our bodies and nervous systems.
p.465: Dupont's fiber better than cotton eliminating all farm hands.
p.477: optometrists lobbying to get [Bates] out because teachers not qualified.
p.484&489: Buddhist notion of psychic crystallizations of thought into reality.
p.494: yeasts, palatable, giving adequate nourishment to the world???
p.504: William Law, great master of devotion and theology, passed in silence.
p.507: possession of large stocks of bombs a compulsive temptation to USE them!
p.510: book not published because "doctors won't like it."
p.527: alert passivity, thinker, thinking and thought are one, samsara=nirvana.
p.532: peace with atomic bombs hanging overhead a rather disquieting prospect.
p.541: talk about science serving mankind is pure nonsense and hypocrisy.
p.542: dictatorships produce slaves that love their slavery:perfect socializing
p.545: deep and enduring will to self-destruction: diabolic possession!
p.547: psychic medium in which all personal minds bathe, like fish in water.
p.553:China understands more than it knows; West knows more than it understands
p.555: criminal haggling about who bullies whom;gangsterizing as world starves!
p.557: end monopolies and remove aggression, war and foreign burrowing from in.
p.562: Europe's propserity due to, at expense of, coloured subjects.
p.564: sow bombs and slaughter and reap physical wellbeing and moral perfection
p.570: Wagner's idea of spirituality was a kind of infinity-long masturbation.
p.578: mankind could do very well without atomic energy, but needs bread!
p.579: nobody wants war, but everybody wants all the things that make for war.
p.583: neurosis now causes as much loss of man-hours as cold and influenza.
p.585: Life Divine of highest importance in philosophy & religious literature
p.586: moment [Communists] get what they want they become staunch conservatives
p.587: solve food problem: join, stop power politics, use intelligence and will
p.595: haemorrhoids cured by washing carefully with soap and water after shits.
p.605: Freud's inability to hypnotize and his disparagement of hypnotism after.
p.617: F.M.Alexander's function of neck and trunk in right relationship.
p.625: lightest weight Airtex Cellular white cotton are best shirts.
p.634: Myers's scandalously neglected book Personality & Survival of Death!
p.638: The infinite is totally present at every point of space and time.
p.638: Christianity on its guard against nature-worship and pantheism.
p.645: bigger rockets: most frightening exhibition of insanity ever seen.
p.647: Myers's Entelechy for intuitions and higher Not-Self beyond self.
p.647: reliving physical activity in relaxation helps people go to sleep.
p.657: Progressive Relaxation and Release from Nervous Tension.
p.681: Dessoile's technique of getting visionary experiences under hypnosis.
p.683: Native American Church getting their peyote taken away from them.
p.680's: all about the LSD being so good; and the U.S.Government forbidding it!
p.691: Huxleys couldn't become US citizens & defend Constitution with WAR.
p.698: mescaline on alcoholics.
p.701: alcohol OK but self-transcendence fiendish and perverted.
p.717: bright children work up anticipations; announce parties at last moment.
p.717: children become diabolic when fed with milk and ice cream & fatty cakes.
p.729: factor in the blood of schizophrenics??? Iachinochrome on p.737
p.736: loving acceptance of Light as a door into death.
p.738: amanita muscaria opening to ESP, except WE say that it's DEADLY, no GOOD
p747The eye with which we see God is the same as the eye with which God sees us
p.747: laying on of hands, STILL talked about in energy books TODAY.&p.749-50
p.754: cellular and organic intelligence, like Dr Rolf Alexander (who's FM??)
p.761: Puharich getting into a state of travelling clairvoyance.
p.761: rubbing pinhead of amanita on scalp is quite alarmingly powerful!!!
p.769: Love as the primary and fundamental cosmic fact. p.770: Love is the One.
p.772: LSD and mescaline too precious to be wasted for sake of experimentation.
p.774: theology of orthodox Christianity seems to be slightly insane.
p.778: bananas and cream to treat nervousness and sensitiveness of ectomorphs.
p.787: H-bomb fooleries causing droughts, rains, cold, and clouds.
p.801: Mescalin not before baptists and an immense lunatic fringe of TV people.
p.804: Esdaile's magnetic sleep for anesthesia without mortality in surgery.
p.807: close to reproducing the Moslem paradise where every orgasm lasts 600yrs
p.810: Why do people have to be so damned stupid and bossy and interfering?
p.814: Niacin in the treatment of high cholesterol conditions?
p.815: Bates illegal; non-doctors can't help you relax your eyes. LAWYERS!!
p.816: Sulfur to treat ageing eyes? p.837: hydrosulphasol
p.837: Nicotinic acid for psychosomatic skin troubles?
p.841: prolonged hypnotic trance for mental and physical illnesses.
p.841: French cocktail cured lyumphatic cancer, also hibernation, also p.853
p.845: LSD for terminal cancer patients, & pp.863-864
p.858: adrenolutin-adrenochrome idea disproved chemical schizophrenia.
p.874: Subud as release via muscles.
p.903: Arthritis Can Be Cured: older methods work better than modern ones!
p.936: Anti-science; 939: LSD; 941: Light; 943: genetics; 949: life; 964: end!

p.38: sacrifices his son in order to gain more sons.
p.53: I was close to cursing you. Luck has been with you.
p.58: false testimony will kill ancestors and progeny to seventh generation.
p.86: great priestly ascetics create the terrible terror of Indra.
p.99: anger of ascetics kills the merit gathered: if so, no BOOK!!
p.106: I'll leave if you displease me at ALL.
p.107: the sun does not have the courage to set while I am asleep.
p.169: nothing more ludicrous than that the wicked call the honest wicked.
p.170: if I had taken her word the people would have been suspicious.
p.179: brahmins who drink wine will be reckoned killer of brahmins.
p.217: the strick do nout countenance the rejection of a woman who is in love.
p.223: no passion or hatred did he foster; in his wrath he matched Death.
p.225: having one son is having none; having sons is the burden of the Lore.
p.230: wretched and hungrily begging for grandsons.
p.231: take a wife by the Law, lest you drown your forebears.
p.232: blessed seer angrily cursed.....
p.252: without her husband, a wife is dead, her fortune is dead, lives no more.
p.253: laid down this rule among humankind, in a fit of anger, making men tops.
p.254: whatever a husband tells his wife, for or against Law, she must do it.
p.258: after three sons a woman is loose, after four she is a harlot!
p.284:we are reduced to an eternity of hell & live off the rice balls of others
p.305: I and my ancestors hope for worlds that grandsons open to one.
p.320: scholars of the Brahman condemn all men who go to the water at night.
p.323: no man takes an insult before the eyes of a woman without fighting.
p.325: he found no peace as he worried about her marrying.
p.334: the excellent hermit was enraged and cursed the good King.
p.339: The good seer was vexed: truth-speaking, he decided to destroy the world
p.340:he began to burn the worlds to gladden his grandfathers with his goodness
p.352: No brahmin should be despised, whether he does right or wrong.
p.354: If this girl wants no part of us, let us throw her in the fire.
p.357: This word of mine is not made a lie, so all five of you marry Draupadi.
p.407: Forcible abduction is approved as married for barons who are champions.

p.3: anti-authoritarian; exposing wickedness and absurdity of army, law, medicine, church, and business.
p.4: love is largely a fraud--a mixture of sentimentality and sex that has been systematically degraded and vulgarized by the virus power.
p.6: concentration camps, armed-service regimentation, censorship, racialist dreams and entertainment industries, all give the consumer what he wants or trains him to want what he is given.
P.6-7: preying inroads made on human life by psychiatrists, surgeons, and businessmen, but the deliberate encouragement of inflated sex for anti-life.
p.8: a man is made to feel that ANY treatment he receives is deserved.
p.12: If they don't like a book they give the very smallest advance they possibly can and then just let it rot. Probably sell enough to get their printing costs back and that's it.
p.15: people can be put to sleep by electric current passed through the brain.
p.18: teaching people languages (with alpha waves) takes about 1/6th the time.
p.20: USGovt had Eileen Garrett on the payroll for a long time; her death passed absolutely unnoticed, mysterious because she was a very famous woman.
p.21: Card-players engage in ESP in masking, harassing, and projecting.
p.21: A Mafia boss gets to the top using all kinds of malignant ESP.
p.27: An atomic physicist is not the same species as a Southern sharecropper.
p.28: except for over-population people would not have to work very hard.
p.30: West is heading now for absolute disaster, chaos and disaster.
p.32: Prof. Postgate wants to put out a pill for producing male children only.

7/3/86: 10:30-11: Small sail from Promenade (Nashville RT & Cape Elmorin LFT).
12: Promanade "Maxine" and Mashville men. 12:30: Subway
1PM: Harbor and Staten Island ferry JAMMED AND HOT, "board other side" on at 1:15, COOL. OUT at 1:20 and in at 1:50 for FABULOUS trip on boat, which then goes "out of service" for bunting (and the JFK is IN port for an hour).
1:55: Onto FREE Manhattan-bound wait. 2:15: "Other entry" threat again.
2:20: Other entry, on by 2:25, 2:30 sail, GREAT to dock at 3PM. WONDERFUL walk to Bowling Green and 3:10 and onto train instantly.