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1991 2 of 6

SUNDAY, JANUARY 27. Wake at 3:15, throat sore again, and take two vitamin C, two aspirin, and one tranquilizer for flight today. Dream of having sex with a muscle-bodied JACK BENNY and wake at 5:03 to decide THIS is my jack-off time, and spray the WALL with first of 3-4 LARGE sprays by 5:22. Check film-dates (all 1992, either 7th or 9th month) and take second tranquilizer (CLEAR sky at dawn) at 5:40. Up at 7:50, shower, breakfast 8:15-9, getting Andrew Williams' name and address. Pack and brush teeth and get bus at 9:30, to Circular Quay at 9:45, and Morning Tour NOT announced, just THERE. Lunch "up" high? Super- blond fuzzy legs to right, now 9:57, on boat. Cruise 10:10-12:30, interesting but no prize-winner. Am I getting jaded? Not so, since my $27.50 meal (with $6.50 wine for $34, or US $27) seems quite good with veal pate, ribs (dry) with carrots and green beans, and Kiwi Pavlova (angel-food cake with tangy sauce) seems pretty good, and the VIEWS are great since I RECOGNIZE all the museums, parks, buildings, and streets and harbor fronts where I've BEEN! In at 12:55 and out at 2:15, taking FIFTEEN photos! Bus to hotel at 2:30 and out to wait for taxi (leaving six red bus tickets, or about $12, for Robert as a tip) after taking a shit. To Ansett at 3 and see flight 33 delayed from 4:20 to 6:30 (in at 7:45). Get (03) prefix for Melbourne and there's NO ANSWER. Back onto line and it changes from gate 1 to gate 4, then from 6:30 to 6:10, and then to 4:20!! Gabble to clerk and he says they're putting on a bigger plane and I'll get my requested window seat if I get seated AT gate, which changes BACK to gate 1. Write this at 3:30 and get out Rama II. Took third tranquilizer at hotel. Check in at 3:55 and given 10B! I complain and get 19G, last window, he says. Bumpy trip? Less than an hour to wait, less than an hour to fly! AND less than a page to WRITE on! Boarding call at 4:05, pee, now 4:18PM. Plane seems FULL! Plane moves at 4:24. Off at 4:40, saying a 62-minute flight. Lots of nice photos, but too directly OVER Canberra to be good. Bumpy slow descent and touch down at 5:55, FORTY minutes late SO far. But at least this is my LAST flight until March 5! Red star on tail of high-wing jet. Russian? As in bus yesterday: Last seat in is last seat out! Plane stops at 6PM. They meet me, they'd CHECKED that the plane was SOMEWHAT late, and they have reservations at 8PM at The Sharkhouse(?). I throw things into washer, put on heavy clothes in the 68E temperature, and start repacking, first by using methylated spirits to remove the tape-gum from my suitcase. Out at 7:45 to St. Kilda via Fitzroy Road, the local sleaze-hangout. GREAT sunset and fabulous beer-batter fish and mediocre chips and beer and good olive pate with asparagus "entree." Not so good fruit in soaked bread dessert. Tired at 10 and VERY tired at 11, clothes still wet, and FINISH this book at 11:05PM, ready for bed on this Sunday evening. [END OF BOOK I] [START OF BOOK II]

MONDAY, JANUARY 28. Up at 5:05 to pee, then lay thinking until 6:05, when I sort out pills. Jerry's into shower at 6:30 and I continue to repack and write this, starting ANOTHER new book! Eat hotcakes (4) at 7:15, after shower, and phone Jock at 8:05. Pack by 8:10 and say goodbye to Kevin, who IRONED my shirts and trousers to DRY them. Off by car at 8:15 under VERY gray, drizzly skies. To Spenser St. Station at 8:50, Roadcat waiting for us. My ticket is acceptable, bag goes under, other atop, shoulder bag on seat. Leave a bit BEFORE 9:30. Stop at Chadstone Mall 9:55-10:05 for two girls. Woman on bus was on NEXT-LAST plane-tour of Antarctica! Stop at Dandenong Railroad Station 10:25-10:35. Pee. Lovely rolling hills, cattle, and pine windbreaks. Stop in Lorumburra 11:40-12:05 for ham-cheese-tomato sandwich, carmello shake and cookies for $4.40. Chat with vegetarian woman about expenses of take-out food. Back to rolling hills followed by flat sand-spit of Port Welshpool, jammed with people as enormous Seacat comes around the bend at 1:15. Exchange my ticket, ensure a forward-facing window-seat, and photo ship until taking off sweater (for the 5th time) and waiting for boarding at 1:40. Board 1:50 and sail at 2, past shallows, then up to 37 knots (crossing 2900 nautical-mile mid-Atlantic in 80 hours), waves REGULARLY washing UP to my WINDOW! At least upstairs windows clean! Sit in sun and curse tumbling, screaming kids. Scopolamine seems to be working? Lots of rattles and jangles on board. At the end I'm VERY pleased to have felt NO discomfort, and ride is REPORTED NOT the smoothest. Some photos, finally Tasmania as I shit at 6:45. Spot my suitcase on airlines-type mover and it's almost rainy and quite chilly. Bus leaves 7:10. Crushed WALLABY legs sprawled out from bloody road-mess. Seacat only STARTED on 12/22/90! Wallaby TAIL only distinguishing mark of ANOTHER kill. Launceston has lots of handsome old buildings, in at 7:45 to tiniest possible bus station (one out of rain, ours IN rain). Leave at 7:55 to a PROLONGED sunset of oranges and grays, then a video on Tasmania and the Irish comic I'd last heard in TURKEY. Lots of buildings lit up after dark, very pleasant. Into Hobart at 10:15 after Margi PHONES as driver is asked for her number to meet "the American." Pee and Jocko is there to meet me, short and feisty, at 10:30. He drives me ALL around town, talking a mile a minute, and out to his comfortable home in Taroona, where I'm given a HUGE room and a spate of instruction about bath water, lighting torches, doors, and habits. Exhausted to warm duvet at 11:20. Slightly ear-buzzy from patch?

TUESDAY, JANUARY 29. Wake at 5 and up at 6:25 to shower in COLD bathroom. Out to Jock fussing about breakfast and I make toast and have apricots and greengage plums from their canning. Margi comes in, gelid from swimming, and cute Matt says he'll talk after he awakens. Jock volunteers to cart me around and we're out about 7:30 for shot tower and ferry to Birney Island, which we cover from lighthouse to overlook to beach to forest. He picks up Lara in ferry waiting-office and she's with us till 10PM. He talks her up and I can stay fairly quiet. His intensity is starting to wear on me as we take every possible road to every possible point, he chattering on about every possible detail. Sandwiches good for lunch outside Captain Cook's landing spot, but then it starts raining, and it stormed FURIOUSLY as we climbed hill to lighthouse. Rocks, surf, and history, but she'd BEEN to Port Arthur and HAD a room in North Hobart, so she could only accept invitation to dinner. On line for 3:30 ferry back from Birney and they use BOTH floors this time, so we all get on, putting front dangerously low in waves that wash up under the tires of the first line of cars. Sun and shade as we take photos and get back about 5:30PM. I suspect he naps as Margi gets dinner and Lara and I look at photo albums that are mainly clippings and brochure photos and blurbs. Brandy, lime, and soda is light but good, and 7:30 dinner is "Nasi goreng:" bits of beef, peppers, zucchini, strips of lettuce in lieu of cabbage, and lots of snail-shell macaroni-pasta. White wine from a bottle that I have lots of, then talk of travel and visitor-Marie's trip to the Opera in Sydney next week. Parents vanish and I chat with Lara and Matt (SO cute) about schooling and changing jobs and this "terrible time to be growing up." I'm VERY tired by 10:30 and go to bed and sleep instantly.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 30. Up at 6:15 and shower and miss sunrise that Jock says was at 5:30. He's making sandwiches and I stoke up on cereal and juice and we're out at 8:30 toward Port Arthur, having left pants with Margi to dry clean. North over Tasman Bridge, and Causeway to Midpoint and pine plantings and rich chocolate earth. Tasman Arch and Devil's Kitchen and Remarkable Cave by noon, and it's hot enough to roll up sleeves. Lots of photos and stop on road outside Port Arthur at 12:30 for lunch that he pushes most at me. $15 for two I pay for entry and feel vaguely irritated throughout. The hollow church is fun, fountain small, tour-guide voice grating, prison hot and cottage tiny. Lofts empty, lots of people, 1934 video film over-romantic, and slide show from 2:15 to 2:30 sketchy. Debate buying book, but I don't. Out to shop and he finishes tea by picking up two hitchhikers to their bikes in Taroona. Long fast drive to Hobart Tours at 4:30 and pay $75 for bus-hotel-bus Queenstown tomorrow: me out of his hair and he out of mine. He dropped a worn $5 at Tasman Arch and said he had $15, so it would have broken him to pay for the $15 gas I INSISTED I pay with Visa, even though guy asked for my PIN number! THEN he suggests top of Mt. Wellington at 5 and up and around we go, stopping for photos while we may, and at top clouds FLOW over with ICY rains and my poncho is torn to TATTERS the first time out! He says I need to spend about $200 at Salamanca Market on Saturday. She reserved for Upper Deck at 7PM Friday. Observation Deck closes at 6PM and we sit in car waiting for breaks in clouds for all distant points. Down about 6:30 and home by 7:15, to find Clifton Beach Muttonbird Tour is at 8:15 ("1/2 hour before dusk"), so we decide there's not enough time. Take orange juice before lasagna dinner with carrot-raisin salad (forgot Matt's chocolate-oatmeal CAKE for dessert LAST night), veggies, and nice home-grown lettuce-zucchini salad with homemade mayonnaise. Lots of Claret from a box, which they joke about and I praise, and sun goes behind hill and INCREDIBLE full moon raises while we talk about UFOs. Matt's out for evening and they clean up, so I look at moon through binoculars and bed at 10:10, brushing teeth looking at moon. Tired.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 31. 5:52AM: Got up at 5:25 for sunrise, but as I pull drapes to see cloudless sky, I see MOON, so sunrise could NOT be THAT close! At 5:52, last trace of moon vanishes through TREES on HILL behind house, as sunrise STILL distant, though east horizon is pink. Had TWO dreams, first at 3:30, when I woke: Rozanne Silverwood is shaking her head, saying, "If you don't sign up for a series of TWO classes, you can't take ANY class." Other parts I forget. Then before 5:25AM, an incredible sequence with me at an Actualism party, being asked by Jackie Kennedy to buy HER ticket. I got eight tickets with two badges, rather like Port Arthur tickets yesterday, and as I pull them out, PARTS go flying over to a FIELD where BIRDS are digging about, and I'm fascinated by CLUMPS of tiny platypus-like moles and green frogs burrowing in and out of soft mud in CLUMPS. I look for awhile and then remember lost ticket and try to look for it but can't find it. Back to Dance and try to PROVE I'd bought tickets, but entrance person like Dorothy Kent says I MUST present stub with NUMBERS for her accurate RECORDS. Then I think "This is probably a dream, as I CAN control it," and DO find tickets. Jackie hurries in late and grabs my arms and says, "You must eat with me, too." As we enter dining hall I'm amazed by how AFFABLE she is, and I think, "She's improved a lot, she's no longer a cold and icy woman." Then she sits in a separate area and I "get lost" somehow and return to find she's LEFT. Go to "ticket desk" and find that everyone's clambering for course tickets: a Hell's Angel group is VERY gentle, contrary to what I would think, and clerk like Sheila Andron says to woman next to me, like Margi Clougher, "Miss Prosit, I have your request right here," and Mrs. Prosit turns to me and smiles pleasantly. I'm amazed at how well things are going. Now at 6:04AM I hear Jock's heavy sleep-breathing as sky brightens in east and I hear soughing of what I think MUST be rain but I can't see it. Dark clouds begin to close off east horizon so I may miss actual sunrise. Very melodic crow bounces across lawn and chirps and sings long lines of song, and occasional cars whiz past on highway above. More birds join in, one with a bell-like Hi-HEEE! Light-blue sky TOTALLY banishes stars and cloud-tapes coming from west are day-white on top. My nose drips and I feel chilly even in my "jumper" (sweater). East horizon takes on a YELLOWY peach at 6:08, sun not up YET! But suddenly there's a FLAME-orange cloud above horizon---sun could already be a DIAMETER above hills. MORE birds join in as band VISIBLY broadens. Top of low cloud is now PINK, and bright spots imply sun's presence in lava-orange glow. At least it picked almost LOWEST defile between eastern hills. Jock still gently snores as I start to determine sunrise point. Clouds brighten to incandescence at 6:11, flocks of birds flying across pinkening-all-through clouds, and at 6:14 it MUST be up as clouds crowd sun-point, even DIMMING first-flame orange. Clouds overhead are warm pink on top. Vee-beams brush from undoubted point, and glitter forms less than a diameter above hill at 6:16 as first point of sun breaks through clouds and widens as I go for camera. Take #16 at 6:18AM as FLASHES from left to right and sun FINALLY dazzles OVER a diameter above hills at 6:19AM. Family not up YET. Rising into another cloud, it's mid-diameter dazzles my writing at 6:20. At 6:22 there are beams from TOP of dazzle into which it's being absorbed. At 6:24 last blinding bit of lower rim vanishes into passing cloud. At 6:26 dazzle flashes back, clouds whiten to right as they move left across the sun-face. WHITE rays from cloud-top at 6:28 as sun is truly up, obscured by a bank of low clouds, and family still sleeps. Their ALARM goes at 6:30? I go back into room and come out as if I'd never been up. Pour milk for tea but he hadn't made it. Listen to 7AM news and have toast and cereal breakfast and repack and SHE drives me to station by 8:15, letting me get SECOND seat on right with plastic-bag-crinkly passengers. It fills more than half full as we stop in town and outskirts many times. This COULD be a boring trip on chuggy bus and stops at the WRONG places. 10:28-10:50 for "15-minute" stop at Ouse. Dead sheep in field. Cross Dee River---and into Dee trees??? PASS pleasant-looking Tarraleah Chalet for a TINY kiosk at 11:48, saying "Other driver leaving at noon." Obviously the two MEET and SWITCH to return to their homes! I go over to retail shop and get 250g Kraft light cheese slices for $1.95, just to fill stomach. It starts RAINING as I climb inside at 12 and finish this to date, no SIGN of "other driver" till 12:08, old grayhead replacing fairly cute young blond. Derwent Bridge 12:59-1:05. Nod off a LOT on the bus. HORRIFIC ride over narrow Victoria Pass while driver INSISTS on taking EXTREME left edge. Queenstown at 2:35 is bigger than two streets, as it had been described to me! Out and go NORTH on Orr to War Statue, but still no Diffield St. All way back SOUTH and ask someone, and she say I should go North and LEFT. Go VERY left and ask again and find I'd PASSED the Commercial Hotel. NO entry-desk in BAR, filled with REAL low-life guys. To CLOSET of room 11, and then to Lyell tour office for 4:30 tour, "leaving at 4:25." Across to Information Office and could spend a DAY watching their free VIDEOS. Across for $2 for Galley Museum from 3:35-4:20, and back to sit till 4:35 for five of us (ONE tall square-jawed long-legged boy touching heads with who MAY be his older less-sexy brother) for ANOTHER sorry ride right at edges of cliffs. Open cut is about .7% copper, the underground mine is 2% copper, and they HOPE the new find will be 2-4% copper. 480 workers now; 120 underground miners @ $60,000 per year, 90 maintenance guys, 27 million tonnes mined with 1.46% copper, and .38g gold and 2.8g silver PER tonne. DINNER in the Empire is a SCREAM! Order Garlic Prawns for $6, Scotch Fillet with mushrooms and vegetables for $10, and a bottle of wine. Oh, pay for it. No, I want to use Visa. Can't. SURELY can. Go to bar. Go to BOTTLE store. $8.66 for bottle + $2 corkage fee. Jacob's Creek Claret, 12.4% alcohol, FINE wine! OK photos and back at 6:15. AWFUL motel dining room was recommended, then picturesque Empire Hotel with two screaming kids with too-hot fries and four smokers! Out at 7:15, giddy with wine, and climb Lewis Lookout for wide-ranging rainy views. Rains as I come down and return to hotel to warm up room, jerk off, and read Rama till 9:30. Instantly asleep, heater off, sunset light gone.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1. Wake at 5:45 and read 6-8, then to breakfast of orange juice, Rice Krispies, sausages and POWDERED eggs, toast and butter and jam and Choco-Malt drink. To room to brush teeth and pack one bag and get out at 8:50 to walk in rain to bus depot and get SAME seat in DIFFERENT bus for trip back. Leaves on dot of 9, rainy and cloudy all the way to Derwent Bridge, where we stop 10:35-10:50. WHAT a rained-out burnt-out eroded-out acid-rained-out bleak depressed damp cold place! Old couple on bus, "It'd save a lot of lives if the Dirty Tricks Gang dropped The Bomb on Baghdad." 11:37 to 12:15 lunch. Up to Chalet for pictures. Dolph Lundgren in "Dark Angel" on video ad. People wait patiently on bus. Off on time and make a beeline for the city, not stopping as before. FUCHSIA give purple "blooms"(?) Black swans a-swimming. Hot almost, bright sun as we enter Hobart station at 2:35. I get directions to museum, leave bag at desk, and look at art, pottery, women artists, old "masters" from Australia, Aboriginal beads, money, old computers, stuffed kangaroos, a Thylacine photo exhibit, minerals, meteorites, symmetry in crystals, birds, enlarged insects, and mostly squally kids and poor art except for George Phillips Fox. Old Hobart etchings and lots of watercolors. Out at 4:40, tired, and get 5:05 Taroona Express. Home at 5:30, shower, wash out underwear and socks and hang them to dry, shine shoes, and out at 6:45 to drive through old town, and into Theatre Royale to be surprised by sound girl as Jock sings from stage. To Mure's Upper Deck and three-salmon (including Boronia oil cured) appetizer, good salmon pasta from Matt, braised scallops for Jock, and mixed cocktail for Margi. She has soda, Matt white wine and Jock a Guinness. I get a strawberry sour after they have no cassis for kir and no apricot for sour. My Singapore-style Moreton Bay Bugs are good, shrimp-crab combo, and good cucumber mousse to cool. Jock has stuffed velonta (fish) and we get THREE bottles of their special Riesling at $11 each. LOTS of laughs and LOTS of food, to end in my chocolate decadence and apple ice cream for Matt and others for $189 bill so I make it $200 even. Happy ride back and fall into bed stuffed at 11:10.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 2. Wake at 6 but lay till 7, then up to ONE slice of toast and pack and get clothes back and Matt drives me into town at 8:45 to shop for rainsuit for $150 on HIS recommendations, and get clip-on sunglasses for $10. Then to Sheraton at 10 and my room's not ready yet. To Salamanca Market at 12:30, having awful vienna (sausage) and bacon and onion cheese on roll for $1.80, as I'm running out of cash. Back to bookseller and leave card for my book (oh, also FLORAL Festival in St. David's cathedral, by sheer chance!) and walk hot streets to hotel at 2 to find Frontier Spirit desk woman saying there IS an open Chemists at Harrington and Macquarie. Spent $20.10 on vitamin C, anesthetic lozenges, Nyquil, and Dristan-like medicines. All ready and have only $2.10 LEFT. Decide to cash $20 for only $23.60 at hotel desk, what a PAIN, and get to room 1906 (on 9th floor) and wash and get brochures and out at 2:45 (paying 85 cents x 7 for stamps for postcards---which aren't delivered until after I RETURN in MARCH!) to $3.90 taxi to Botanical Gardens, seeing EVERYTHING by 5PM and TIRED. Sit and write this, getting hungry. Jacaranda is LIGHT PURPLE flowers. Back to see the Easy Access Garden (last sight) and out at 5:15 and hitchhike and FIRST car takes me RIGHT to Sheraton where I buy a card for 50 cents for Laird from all of us to sign and get to bus stop at 5:37 to find next bus at 6! Should I go back for book? Check return-times to find bus departs Taroona 7:20, 8:10, and 9:40. Bus leaves at 5:50, so much for their SCHEDULES! There at 6:15, drink orange juice with Jock, then KIR with Margi and Jock and Matt, then Tasmanian Atlantic Salmon, vegetables, and Matt's chocolate cake and ice cream. I tell them of my LSD book, we finish at 9, and after two photos Matt drives me to Sheraton where I give him brochures I'd collected for their family, DEMAND my luggage from the luggage room which they hadn't delivered to my room yet, and phone Bernadette who says it seems I'm ALONE on the trip! Shower at 10:15. Matt said his girlfriend in Louisiana is taking therapy because she had too many LSDs! Bed at 10:55 elated about being ALONE!

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 3. Wake at 6AM and dress to watch sunrise at 6:20AM, thinking to keep a CHART of DATA and sunrise/sunset times and LATITUDES, so I set it up (but never fill it in!). Paper has LOVELY long puzzle that engrosses me to 9:30, when I check that breakfast in the Gazebo stops at 10. Down to sign for the check and have poached and scrambled eggs, bacon and sausage (unfinished), fruit and yogurt and hot chocolate---I hope enough until dinner! Up at 10:10 and read MORE papers and work more puzzles and change to COOL uniform ONE LAST time, and put bags out (after getting out ear patches) at 11AM, and it's picked up at 11:30. Hands sweaty as I finish this at 11:35. Checkout by noon and tour at 1PM, they say. What are we to do BETWEEN? Look through Tasmania and Australia books, supplied for enormous cost by the hotel, till 12, check out instantly, and sit and read till 12:25, when I decide to join "the group." Gay couple, some women trying to look VERY young, others content to be old, and later a male trio, one of whom has the crutches of multiple sclerosis. THEY wander off down street. Then Mike says "Bus on left," and front seats are ALREADY taken, so I get second on left, up step, good but not best at 1PM as the couples board with LOADS of luggage. Thirty-three on bus, leaves at 1:07. Stop 1:12-1:47 at Penitentiary (under) Chapel and (adjoining) Criminal Court from 1828-1960. I find it boring, so I'm glad to be going somewhere NEW today. Lots of DODDERERS in groups and women glance at me in speculation. YOUNGISH nerd-type with girl surnamed Fernandez with Puerto Rico shirt. 1:53-2:45 "45 minutes" at Runnymede, GOOD tea with 6-8 sandwiches and two slices of fruitcake for LUNCH at 2. Pleasant house, helpful people, short couple returns my HAT. Margaret the hostess does NOT offer me seconds. Basements and stables intriguing, lots of DEAF people too. AND we're going to Bonorong! IDEAL! People are VERY slow. 3:07-3:52 at Bonorong: Devils! And albino kangaroo LICKED my forearm and hand! And wombat chewed on my beard! To Richmond 4:10-4:30 for shopping, then back to Hobart for rapid ride through Battey Point streets. Off at about 5:10 and take front-on picture and hand in passport and ticket and $10 departure tax sticker given us, and tea and strawberry tart and sandwich and down to 404 to see Dr. Murphy's bags and a bottle of champagne. Unpack and he comes in and we chat nicely and go to orientation lounge on 7 Forward. Close to heaven at 6:20, and HE takes out notebook now also at 6:30. Lounge full at 6:37. $46 million ship, started January 29, 1990, and October 29 finished with "highest ice rating." 350 feet long, 6500 horsepower twin diesels. More stable than Explorer and Discoverer. Last trip: 50 foot seas south of Macquarie Island. Heinz Aye's 61st Antarctic voyage. They make 100 tons of water per DAY. Dining room deck 4 aft. Channel 38 for music on TV. Leave laundry on bed. Do your OWN on deck 3. Drying room there. Satellite phone $15/minute! Bridge OPEN. Dinner about 7:15. Three days to Macquarie, 850 miles, 2-3 days there for Zodiac landings from deck 3. I dash out to get photos of Hobart as dinner is starting, AFTER Jock comes aboard, insisting I find his gold pen with an opal inset. I pull things apart and it's not there and get to dinner at 7:50PM. Then out for Taroona photo before dessert. Out to look at Birney Island but put off by talky fatty. Pitch dark by 10, so I go to bed to toss and turn as boat movement increases, not get to sleep.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 4. Up at 5 and to bridge to look at empty radar screen. At 5AM we're at 44E30', at 5AM 2/5 at 48E30', at 5AM 2/6 53E15', and Macquarie is about 54E30' at about 14 knots. NYC is 40E50'N, 54E is about Stockholm, and 60E is just below Hay River. Tasman Island, 27 miles away, is too far to be visible, and Mike says to SEE a low point FROM a low point it must be ONLY 14 miles away. Look at charts last night, too, with a large group about a cute helmsman eating donut. Down to stern about 6:15 and there are smiling faces from the Frontier Lounge, and Cecilia serves tea and rolls and I feel great looking out over a Wandering Albatross, lots of Black-Browed Albatrosses, and Sooty Shearwaters. Breakfast at 7:30 and I load up on bacon and eggs, then back for shower and I feel AWFUL. Go to talk "An Introduction to Sea Birds of the World" by Dennis Puleston: 300 seabirds: 1) onshore (cormorants, pelicans, gulls, terns), 2) offshore (frigate birds, sooty terns, auks, mures, puffins), and 3) oceanic (albatross). Arctic tern summers in north AND south, going 22,000 miles per year. Original penguin was great auk (80 pounds), extinct about 150 years ago. Snow petrel is the "spirit of Antarctica." Fulmar has a yellow beak, and the giant petrel is smelly, with a dodo-bill. Go to the emergency lifeboat muster at 11:15, but only barely make it back to bed. Get up for the 3PM "Walk on the Ocean Floor" by Greg Mortimer, talking of pillow lavas dating from 20-30 million years ago, talks of Macquarie earthquakes over 5, with every twenty years a 7, the earth's crust moving 2-5 cm per year. Last 6 was in 1980. Trench nearby is 12,000 feet deep. Alan Gurney in the Frontier Club gives the first part of "History of Antarctic Exploration": Biscoe finding Cape Ann in 1831, 1/12/1841 Ross finds Cape Adare, sees Erebus erupting and the Ross Ice Shelf. Weddell gets to 74E15'S, John Davis first stepped ashore in 1820. 3/17/1820 Bellinghausen saw ice-covered mountains, and in 1821 landed on King Peter Island. In 1819 King George Island was found, left in 1/30/1820. In 1773 Captain Cook's ship FIRST crossed the Antarctic Circle, to 71E10'S. I give up lunch and dinner with no great hunger. Only ONCE, after the shower, does my mouth fill with that awful saliva and I lay on the bed hoping it'll stay down. Later a woman says the BACON did her in, so no more bacon for me for awhile. Miles says "He'll represent our cabin." I get under covers at 10 and woman comes in to turn down the other bed. Miles is in at 11, and I SEEM to fall asleep FAIRLY soon after, sea FAIRLY calm.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 5. Wake at 5, feeling FAIRLY good, and dress in dark and go to bridge to little conversation, then back at 5:45 and the morning tea has started ALREADY. Introduced to the trio of guys, whose names I put on MY passenger list. Tea and roll good, then lots of bird talk: white-bellied stormy petrel, I hear, REINFORCES a falling barometer. Breakfast is two packs of Meusli and tea, but I'm still not hungry. Sit in library 8-9 looking through Colin Monteath's folder, critique the index to Tasmanian Hiker, and thumb through Iwago's "Antarctica" and "Serengeti." Then to get three postcards for mailing from Macquarie Island tomorrow (to Spartacus, Rita, and Dennis), and they announce yesterday's taped news at 9:30. Not much. Then to Dolphin Lounge for "Penguins." Three types of spike tailed: Adelies, with white eye-ring; Gentoo with white eyebrow; and chinstrap, found in the Ballenies. Five types of crested: Rockhoppers on Macquarie, Macaroni, Erect- crested, Snares crested, and Royals. Yellow-eyed on Auckland Island. Fairy is the smallest. Jackass is Magellanic, Galapagos is equatorial and the rarest. Kings are found in Lusitania Bay on Macquarie, have orange necks, and are three feet tall. Emperors live on pack ice, NEST on the ice for the 65-day egg incubation. I'm so RESIGNED to WHATEVER comes that I feel a bit NUMBED. Lots of small married groups forming, mostly uninteresting---though "Katie, I'm really Catherine" sounds regal. Someone introduced her husband as "the ambassador." Captain makes announcement, but it's not piped into 7th floor space! Penguins to 11, and then I watch end of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" to 11:45 and rest to 12:15. Have some lunch, even with a glass of wine, but that puts me under again. Better stop. Watch "King Penguins" 2:15-2:45, then to talk at 3 on geology of Macquarie and then back to bed. About 4:30 they announce the stabilizers are out, so I go see them, then sit through something at 5, and they announce a Macquarie orientation at 7. Bed, then orientation: the next trip is NOT allowed to land on Macquarie! It's 23 miles long by 2 miles wide, NO food onshore, ONLY land from 7AM to 7PM on TWO days, in groups of 25. NOT inside ANY huts; estimated time of arrival 12:30 tomorrow afternoon. Allowed on the Isthmus, only 12-15 feet from nesting birds and 8-10 feet from seals. Sandy Bay, which is the best, onto zodiacs with small life jackets and warm clothing. Wear wind and waterproof outer wear and boots for wet landings. Use plastic bags for cameras and binoculars. If we hear a CONTINUOUS siren, come back to the landing place. Sketch of Wireless Hill, Garden Cove, avoid the Magnetism Huts, only 70 allowed at one time at Sandy Bay and boardwalks, with a guide for each 10/12 people, and Lusitania Bay in South.To dinner with the couple next door (Liz(?)---she turned into Delores---and Michael), she a nurse and he a computer consultant who invite me in their CAR from Bluff to Te Anu and even Milford Sound! Someone else pooh-poohed my going to see the TOWNS. I should only see the SIGHTS. Roast lamb good, but I start feeling woozy and persist in TWO glasses of not-very-good red wine. Salmon appetizer and lobster soup good to start, and mousse-cake for dessert. Go down and get two Bonine from Delores and flop into bed at 10:30. Miles out and back and I sleep well enough.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 6. Wake at 3:40, then at 5:50, and lay thinking dejectedly ---HOW bad will the sea get, HOW sick will I be, HOW will the Zodiacs go tomorrow. Miles is up to shower and I get up at 6:50 and stop on bridge to find we're 67 miles from Macquarie and the wind IS now from the west. I wear parka and it feels good. To back deck and there are small prions and a white-bellied something or other. I can't really get THAT interested, but DO feel a kick when I see my first (comparatively small) wandering albatross. Breakfast with silent old couple (he looks like John Housman) and end in Lounge writing this to 8:25. Next talk at 10. Lay down or stay up? Seas last night "heavy" on chart. Trays of dishes falling DID punctuate dinner conversation. All day the wind really WHISTLES around corners in EVERY room. News 9:32-9:37. Captain Aye makes his announcement DURING news, as he made it DURING lecture YESTERDAY! Purposefully? Birds: oceanic trend from gull (skua) to tern, to gannet, to albatross. Petrel (Peter) walks on water. Shearwater skims furrows in water. Sheathbill ONLY non-webbed foot, eats everything. Highest flight: geese over India at 28,000 feet. Back to cabin to put on long johns and get Zodiac gear together since they've decided we'll cruise OFF-SHORE today to save two FULL days for the limit of BEING ashore on Macquarie. There's noise that it's been SPOTTED but I feel too ill to get up and see it, rationalizing that I'll have OTHER islands to spot later and there's no photo opportunity YET. Lay till lunch at 12:30, and I get cheeseburger that Michael gets and it seems to sit OK, then they announce that the first group will lower away at 3:30. I get dressed (not with parka, however, since that seems a BIT much), and I take off ear patch and take one of the couples' Bonines, which seems to WORK. Out and down to boarding deck and Kato supervises exactly and Cecilia directs "one on top, one on steps, one boarding," and the FIXED platform seems to make it VERY hard as seas can wash up OVER platform but can drop SO far below that that Zodiacs could be caught UNDER it except for the protective additional steel struts added. Two-armed boarding easy, and I sit jammed in middle of 14 at 3:20. Out in chop and spray comes sailing over side and my poncho (ANY poncho) would have been TOTALLY worthless. Great panorama of Rockhopper colony splayed on steep cliffs above Lusitania Bay, and take photo after photo in sheer joy. Penguins all around us in the water, diving and popping up like ducks. Guide doesn't know much, but the view is all and I'm enthralled even when it starts HAILING through the day, later turning to snow and sometimes to rain. LOADS of penguins on the beach and some LUDICROUSLY high up. David, across from me, gets VERY wet in face and glasses but I manage to avoid most, I guess our driver is Colin Monteath, the scrawny sexy one. No feeling of fear on the boat, though when we steer VERY close to shore and Colin seems wrapped up in HIS photos, I get concerned about getting caught by a cresting wave. The Japanese Iwago is STANDING on the front, photographing, so we seem to be out LONGER, until 4:40, and it's quite exhilarating. Back to afternoon tea and find a tureen of hot bouillon, tasting VERY good and just the right temperature, and have a tart and a few half-sandwiches. GREAT to feel good! 6:45 is recap, talking with the Zodiaced camp foursome about plans for tomorrow, and Dennis looks quite drunk in his far-forward slouch. The couple ask me to dinner again, and David joins us, and shrimp cocktail and cream of chicken and corn soup is good, and they can roll their eyes at things HE says. Mike agrees to split wine with me and we both have sirloin rare, so we get a $14 bottle of Penfields 1987 Kalimna which "needs aging," but the Shiraz is so raw it might take aeons. Label mentions "coke" that I pour into my glass and Mike has to taste it, saying it's "acid." [I don't recall WHAT this means!] Back to room about 9, shower for first time in ages, and then watch "World Park Antarctica," a Franz Lazi film, when I see it's in the Dolphin Lounge AND on Channel 30. That's 9:45-10:30 and I about fall asleep during it, but glad at end to see it's narrated by Keith Shackleton. Quickly to sleep as Miles comes in afterwards.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 7. Miles pulls the curtains aside (he'd feared he'd had a camera and mittens TAKEN, but as he went to report it, I thought of the windowsill with the drapes CLOSED for the evening, and there they WERE, so I went to the hall and shouted "Miles" and fantasized that he thought I'd RETURNED them) at 5AM to look at the SUNRISE and LEAVES them open on the golden vista, so that night I request he NOT do that and he agrees. I lay and think rather more positively now that I feel better, and get up at 6:40 to dress for Zodiac and get to breakfast next to Bob, handsome Macquarie camp leader, and Helen, the doctor, sits next to ME and we chat about her handling EVERYTHING, though they DID fly in a seaplane for a walker-off-cliffs who then died. Good talk, then they announce I'm in the FIRST group and get down at 8:40 and off at 8:55-1:10, GREAT with Cecilia as enthusiastic guide, stealing the attention of the penguins with her white OUTFIT. LOTS of photos. Back to have dietetic lunch with Keith Shackleton and Alice, and then out at 2:05 and back at 5, writing gloriously afterward, though pissed they didn't have bouillon. 5:10PM: Back from penguin-watching and I WANT to record ALL that I saw of penguin behavior: A) Royals: smaller, shyer, trim in adulthood with yellow "macaroni" raking their heads, divided into 1) molting non-mating adults, apparently LARGER than adults in their fluff, 2) hatchlings with NO yellow on their head and a black (not a red) beak, and 3) adults, who do the WILDEST things: a) one will lower his chin onto his chest as if hawking up something, then will start to SHRIEK at the top of its voice, waggling its head from side to side as if in utter frustration, b) a PAIR will get together and throw their beaks STRAIGHT up and, in TANDEM, scream back and forth "between" each other, c) one will get "lost" in the rookery and be PECKED from place to place to place until he finds an open space OR is flung out beyond the edges of the rookery. They stick together, though allowing kings to walk among them, and run when anyone comes close. Gentoos with pink feet are cute with their white mascara rubbed upward on their heads, two of them looking lonely, but then a third I saw in the surf. But the kings on the beach at the end do the most: a) lay down or get up (even out of the surf) by poking into the sand with their beaks, b) spar with each other with their beaks, c) the TALLEST one, ALWAYS, in a group may PROCLAIM his height by pulling himself erect, stretching his spine, lengthening his neck, and raising his beak to maximum height to proclaim, "Ho Hoo HOO ho-ho," to the world. d) some, shorter, opening their beaks but NOT vocalizing, e) shaking like puppies as they come out of water, f) doing a "dry shake" by extending their wings and stretching up their necks and shaking their heads, g) one pair actually raised their beaks in COMMON and bumped bellies as if in pre-coition bliss, h) one pair even seemed to CARESS by falling their necks over each other in what sure LOOKED like affection, i) at me, looking head-on then side-to-side then extending their necks to peck at me 1) ON the middle finger, 2) 3-4 times on the PANTS, 3) 2-3 times on the SLEEVE, and 4) report of one biting my pack from the BACK; j) but the MOST striking was the blood increasingly dropping on the chest of a middle-large one who had a "strawberry" below one beak-side, as if someone had pecked and pecked and pecked until the skin tore loose and it bled. They hit AT it and AT it, though he tried to fend them off, and when he went for a swim I fantasized I'd never SEE him again. But then there was ANOTHER with FIVE drops of blood, so I figure he'd been washed off and was BACK, rather than a SECOND bloody one at the same PLACE. Gabby gal was behind me for a long time, and I felt at 4:45 that I'd had enough, so came back with the CREW in HIGH waves and had to be held off until wave conditions permitted us to LAND. AS in going off, the ROPES slipped away when we had only six aboard and had to circle back and re-rope to get on 12. Oh, yes, then there were the flipper-slaps, quite comical since they can't really be BENT, so each blow is a roundhouse, AND then the odd "egg-holding" tillt of some of the SMALLER ones with LARGER GRAYER feet, making me think that the SMALLER, BLACKER feet, always "a-strut" may have been MALES to the others' females EXCEPT that BOTH hold the egg and chick on their feet. THEN they preen their backs in the center, bending over sideways to appear headless from the front, even doubling over to preen their spread-out tail feathers. They slip sideways on rocks in their haste, too. Ah, yes, add bill-clattering and slow (sometimes frozen) fencing. Glance at penguin book to remind me of activities, then find the movie of Belize is NOT on at 5PM and to bar for a vodka-tonic for $3 and then an Apricot Sour that loosens me up when Kazuo Terado joins me, who's Chief Electrical (as opposed to Electronics) Engineer, and his BOSS Chief Engineer Hiroyoshi Tsumaguni! They come into dining room and can't FIND three seats together, so Chief directs Kazuo and me to two seats at round table next to Alice from Connecticut and Maya (born in Holland, lived in Spain, now lives in Majorca). Kazuo buys bottle of wine for us but only three of us share it and I'm plotzed by the time dinner's over. To room to find Miles not in yet, so I check Channel 40 at 9:30 to find that "The Thin Man" is replaced by a totally different movie, but after 9:45 "Voyage to the Ice" is about a 7-man sloop called "Solo" in a silly adventure. Why do people DO these things? I ask Roger that on Sunday morning and he says the LEADERS do it for fame and fortune, but why the MEN do it he can't imagine. To sleep at 10:30, exhausted, hoping to land again tomorrow.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8. Up at 6:30 to find it's a VERY heavy swell and they say we may NOT land today. They lower rope ladders and blow horns while Zodiacing the 23 from the camp back (talked to a sexy shaved-head guy on the bridge and lots of scruffy-looking guys are browsing in the library) to the base and test how the beach run-up is. We sail south along the island, for something to do, and they put on Dennis's slides on Seals at 10:30. Seals are Pinnepeds, divided into 1) True (hair) seals: elephant seals, whose hind flippers extend OUT from body, and GRAY seals, and Arctic seal and harp seal (pups that are killed), and Weddell seals, which we'll see lying near us, who can dive to 2000 feet for 45-50 minutes, and leopard seals and crab-eater seals, and 18-20 more species. We'll see Hooker sea lions at Auckland Island. Skuas eat placentas. Steller sea lions of the Pacific Northwest. 2) False seals---sea lions and fur seals, hind flippers fold UNDER body. 3) Walruses, only in ARCTIC. Seals have a one-year cycle of delayed egg implantation: 1) impregnated, 2) DELAY for a number of months, 3) gestation, 4) birth, 5) 12 days, 6) intercourse for the next impregnation. Get to lunch with the two oldest male farts and Mike joins us, and I say I keep praying for the wind gods to turn the wind from east (which is odd and bad) to the west (which is usual and good). But they put down the platform and the waves wash WAY over top of it, so it doesn't look so hopeful. But at 1:15 they say they'll go with the YOUNGER people and I'm OUT of seat, having eaten fast purposefully, and down to dress and FIRST of tourists on line, behind two crew who end up getting VERY wet holding boats. Wait long time (fearing I may have made a mistake leaving off my SWEATER) and we leave just before 2, being told to TAKE our TIME. We get VERY tossed around before leaving, and it starts SLEETING and raining hard and LARGE swells! VERY dramatic crossing and I fear they'll STOP us going. But it clears up a bit, other Zodiacs follow us, and first three (only 10 in each) gather with Bob who takes us to shop, living area (and threesome meet a COUSIN who guides them through the forbidden living areas), seals and penguins, then up to lookout for panorama, then down to TRY to get gentoos (best at FIRST), and at end sit on beach and watch TIDE come in over sounding rocks and black sand and an occasional exiting gentoo. Bright sun by now, spectacle of fierce west wind over tussock grass, and I get into next-last Zodiac with 5-6 crew and back EXHAUSTED. Back at 5:15 to change and SHOWER in time to get up to recap, followed by dinner. Excitement has TIRED me and I DON'T want to stay up even to 9:45 to watch Greg Mortimor's climb of Mt. Minto. Bed at 9:40 and BELLS go at 10:30 to say there's an AURORA. WANT to get up, but I've been SWEATING and might be getting SICK. I sit up, for I REALLY should go outside. But I'm so TIRED! Go to porthole and SEE the green draperies to the south. Not much COLOR or FORM. I COULD put on parka---but shoes and socks and PANTS needed too! Back to bed. Michael said it lasted for an hour, quite bright as they climbed onto the helicopter deck to get away from the lights (which may have dimmed it for the woman who said it wasn't so great), and it was spectacular. HOPE for it the next few nights, but it's ALL clouds after that.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 9. Up at 7, down to breakfast with Barbara and Alice and Roger, and Roger points out the Troykas, from Queens, who want to talk to me as an indexer. Then Meg (one of the sisters) says their videos will be on at 9:15 in the TV room. Talk to woman (and her suspicious husband) and get to TV room to find MILES showing HIS stuff, STILL without a viewfinder, and he goes back to restart it for me. Then the sisters show their stuff, and it's good for US, who were THERE, but it'd be poor for someone who HADN'T seen the real places. Guy with stutter shows a lot of his next, and then the high-eyebrow woman with the steely hands (who talked of a goose trying to pull her diamond off her finger for his craw) and then it's 10AM and time for Colin Monteath's talk on Dry Valley research in Victoria Land, followed by a carousel of photos accompanied by music. I think it's great, but fear others may want more hard science. Then back for more TV 11-12 and then to lunch of twin medallions of veal and beef, l then talk with people till TV (silent) of "Shackleton's Expedition 1914-1916" on TV 2-2:45, and then up for "Krill" by Dennis. It's so mild I stand on deck at 4PM in SHIRTSLEEVES, marveling about mildness south of Macquarie but still north of convergence. To library (too lazy to write) to scan books---mostly birds and animals and photography, and pick up "Man on the Rim," (no sexy shots) and xerox a page via Cecilia. Mozart totally drowned out by talk. Gurney gives his second talk on "The Heroic Age of Antarctic Explorers" from 5-6: 1899: first over-winter by Borchgrevinck, hut still there. Man FIRST exploited SEALS in 1800s, then WHALES in 1900s, and now KRILL in 2000s. 1900-1904: "International mice nibbling." 1907: South magnetic pole: 1200 miles in 126 days. 1909: 97 miles from pole, Shackleton turns BACK. 1/14/11: Amundson at South Pole, 1/30/12, Amundson leaves. Scott: Adelie's CURIOUS. 3/29/12: Scott dies. 1914: 10 men, Aurora blown AWAY, on Hut Point. Cape Evans IN Scott's Hut, AFTER 143 days in field, with Shackleton trapped in Weddell Sea. Then World War I stopped explorations. Other notes on Daily Program Sheet: 60ES at 9:12PM. 4EC at 7AM, 8EC at 6:30PM. Skies almost clear, wind almost calm. BUT there's said to be a LOW low off to one side. FORGOT dishes crashing, wet tablecloths, and CRASHES from KITCHEN. I regret missing "Total Recall." Recap is canceled and dinner is served and I'm so tired I go to sleep almost instantly about 9;30, before TV.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 10. Up pretty late and got to breakfast late, but Miles was drinking till 2AM and stays in bed most of day, a TERRIBLE day of pitching and rolling most of the time. Conversation around breakfast table delves into population control and I suggest we meet upstairs and continue, wanting to get their reaction to my killing off 99% of the people in "Gain." Interesting talk with Roger and woman-nurse. Up at 10 to talk of Gondwana, NEEDED in rocky Dolphin Lounge because Greg has OVERHEAD viewer required, xeroxing sheets for us later. Good talk, lots of notes: Byrd sub-glacial basin is 2500 meters BELOW sea level. Antarctica has 90% of world ice, 75% of world fresh water. Meteorites from MOON and MARS??? 55-meter sea rise if ice melts, which is 31 million years old. Greater Antarctica around Commonwealth Bay exactly fits into South Australia. Lambert Glacier is largest: 250 x 400 km. And a WAVE washes Dolphin Lounge WINDOW. AS (at LAST) south South American BROKE away from PENINSULA, circum-polar currents could START and begin ICE FORMATION, because LARGE water-bodies could STAY cold. FUTURE studies at BASE of ice sheet will show MORE detail. CO2 levels GREATER in past. OLDEST ice is 150-200,000 years old. Very old rocks at WEST side of New Zealand MAY have come from VANISHED OLD side of Ross ice sheet. Andes connects with the mountains of the Peninsula. Cape Adair is less than 50 million years old. The Ross Sea is OPENING, and Ross Island and Erebus are in the MIDDLE of the rift. The dolorites on Ross Island are the same dolorites as Mt. Wellington in Tasmania. RED strata in Downshire Cliffs are OXIDIZED by lava flows. Terra Nova Bay is the STUMP of the Transantarctic Mountains. We laugh when there's an announcement that "pancakes and beer" will be served INSIDE, not out on the Lido Deck. Then lunch, good guacamole hamburg with odd assortment of women at central round table, and then watch GREAT 2-2:40 Cousteau "Beneath the Frozen Sea" video next to snoring Miles. Then up to Gurney AGAIN talking about Shackleton in 1914, no notes worth taking, though I noted that Colin Monteath said that IF I ever go to the Antarctic Peninsula, be SURE that the trip includes South Georgia Islands, great for animal life. Noted! Pass time on bridge watching waves in DENSE fog, and then up to VERY rocky Dolphin Lounge for "Kiwi Dogs," about dogs, in general, in the Antarctic, and Monteath's sadness that they're all being phased OUT. That goes till 6, then to bridge to sight on icebergs, mostly small and only growlers nearby, the size of bathtubs. Then to dinner, no good wine on LIST so I look at menu and pick #13, a good Sancerre for $19. Then (having thought maybe it was the awful movie with the star of "Big") up to the Dolphin Lounge AGAIN (people complaining of COLD, but Pete says it takes five hours to heat up), for "Voyage to the White Volcano" about AGONIES of ship of inexperienced sailors, and I could remember SO little I asked BARBARA of her memories and she "reminded" me that they were silly ill-prepared people who WANTED to continue at one point and had to jettison FUEL at another point and had to land at Macquarie after spending ONLY twelve hours at Ross Island and doing inept "scientific" collecting of worms. It goes to 10:30 and I collapse into bed, Miles OUT, having slept all day.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 11. I left my name for a wakeup call IF we pass the icefree Balleny Islands in the clear, but I'm not disappointed when I wake at 6:30 still uncalled. By coincidence, we cross the Antarctic Circle about that time. Decide to shower, which feels great, and put on next-last set of underwear. Look for black flannel pants and can't find them! I'm SURE I brought them aboard, so I search through BOTH sides of the closet two or three times and through my luggage and all around beds and finally put on white pants and go up for breakfast to ask Miles to come down and look through HIS stuff. We eat, he comes down, and we can't find it! Tell Cecilia and she's SURE it wasn't taken, but at 8:45 there's only the Singaporean non-English-speaking son on duty in the dry-cleaning establishment. She suggests I phone Hobart, and I figure I'll humor her. But can't find phone number, so I sort through ALL luggage, find number and get up to Radio Room at 9:45. He has a bargain for me: if Hobart HAS it, _I_ pay for call; if Hobart DOESN'T have it (proving it's been "lost" on ship---I frankly suspect Macquarie Island overnighters), the SHIP pays for it. "Great," I agree. He phones, Jock answers and says, "You forgot your pants!" I'm astounded, but he says he has a visitor from New Zealand who'll take them to John Ward in Rotorua for me. AND, when asked, he says he found his lost PEN in the WASHER the next day. So TWO mysteries cleared up! GREAT! Radio operator is amused, bills me $21, and I dash around telling everyone it was all my fault, and at the same time the Captain is exhorting people to get their cameras on deck for Sturge Island, the southernmost of the Ballenys, and it's a sun-lit, snow-capped rock-split FANTASY that shocks me as I get on deck with my parka and shoulder bag full of camera and binoculars and close-up lens. GREAT shots in sun and shadow, good photos, and then there's an ICEBERG that the Captain circles: "The fuel bill will come to you later." He is ecstatic: "I haven't seen it this SUNNY in 15 years. I've NEVER seen the monolith (78 meters of rock pinnacle between two TOP Ballenys). Crew, drop everything and come on deck for pictures. Anyone who's not on deck will be fined $100." We're all elated, snapping away like mad, seeing penguins on the side of the berg. Colin's talk is delayed until 11, then until 11:15, when the island is finally almost gone and we're heading into ANOTHER bank of fog to the south. That's 11:15-12 in rocking Dolphin Lounge. We're told the NEXT day that we crossed the Antarctic Convergence at 10AM TODAY. Colin's 1840 quote on FINDING of Ross Ice Shelf sounds so like Poe that I check to find that "Narrative of A. Gordon Pym" was published in 1838! Then lunch, then the 2PM movie "Wild South - Under the Ice" that AGAIN exhausts us with cold and agony until 3, at which time I'm feeling queasy with CONSTANT pitching of the ship and I wrap myself in a blanket until 5, when Greg does an extraordinary double feature of 4, 5, and 6 people up Everest with oxygen, first up north face, and first Australian, AND an expedition on the "Allan and Vi Thistlethwaite" to Antarctica to climb Mt. Minto for the first time. AGAIN exhausted, but I'm starting to sweat in my double sweaters. To bridge to get shots of BLUE water over forecastle, but feel queasy about dinner when I leave with Peter at 7:40 to dining room with Maya's friend from Fiji who operates a RESORT with two other women but has been TRAVELING since APRIL! Soup good, but with veal scaloppini I follow HER in taking off breading and eating mainly noodles. Mike is "on" and talk is nice, but I'd taken a Bonine about 6PM and got more from Delores who shows me their route to the WEST between Invercargill and Lake Te Anau, and THEY say I can give THEIR New Zealand book to Liz. Take pill at 9 and FALL into bed, awake at 10 and 11 and 12, but finally asleep as ship shudders and we stop about 2AM.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 12. PROGRAM says we reach Antarctica, but Captain's message says we're essentially STOPPED 126 km from Cape Adare, confronted by high seas and head winds. I'm dressed and out at 7:40 as Miles gets together after I FINALLY do teeth thoroughly between 7-7:20, then talk of politics and birth control with Roger and teacher and the group at the "center table" and out at 9 to get to Captain's talk about the LAST trip at 9:15-9:45, where NO one from Australia on THIS trip wants to take responsibility for getting contributions to Mawson's Hut. Then Colin's talk is postponed from 10AM and I'm on bridge to watch four-knot headway against 40-knot winds and take photos, then down 11-11:45 for Control Room tour. Fuel for 30 days or 6000 nautical miles. TWIN engines, 6600 horsepower. Stabilizers ONLY effective ABOVE 8 knots. 20 tonnes of fuel/day. 3 diesel generators on standby and two magneto generators for screws, and one emergency generator. Batteries as backup. 310 liters of fresh water per passenger per day. 240 tonnes capacity. 50 tonnes/day of freshwater generated in vacuum, boiling seawater at 42SC. WE use 86 tonnes/day. Note at 12:25: "High seas, head winds, 2-3 knots, no progress; lost day, more later." Back to bridge, then down to lunch after catching up with some journal writing, then lunch with Barbara and Roger, talking of my writing and agents, and silent women from Brisbane with mushroom soup, ham and roast beef rolls with asparagus, and Monte Cristo of fried bread around ham and cheese. Good food here! Then ask for special showing of "Total Recall" at 3, to room to watch a TNT-taping of "Secret Place - Byrd's Antarctica" that ads expand from 52 to 80 minutes, so there's no TIME for the movie before 5, which he forgets ANYWAY. Up to lounge at 3:30 to write more, have an Apricot Sour while looking at Monteath's camera notes, nothing new, and down for peach cake and cookies for tea in Lounge while Delores chats up a California photographer at the bar. Strauss's "Zarathustra" blasts forth until, as I predict, they turn it WAY down. I finish, up to date for first time in over a WEEK, by 4:50PM, still no sign of Gurney's talk right here in the Frontier Lounge. Lazy day. Gurney on "Endurance" and "Survival." Calamitous happenings. Eskimos REFUSE to eat liver, and SAVE themselves from hypervitaminosis A. Four ounces of husky liver is toxic! Mawson's MISERABLE stay. At 6PM STILL 3 knots, STILL at 69E45'!! No news WHEN our stall will end! I see a chart for the future: 6AM 2/19 leave Cape Adare, 6AM 2/23 to Campbell Islands! FOUR days cruising, with NOTHING between! Tiny pure-white snow petrel. Patterned "pintado" petrel. At 6:35 we move from SLOW to HALF, and speed up to 4.5 knots. 6:30 Captain Aye announces, "We'll try increasing speed every fifteen minutes to get OUT of it." 7PM at 69E48'. Announce recap in Frontier at 7. Dinner with four women who say (at my shirt-stripes) that they're at MY table, not the captain's table. To bridge to wave-spray and NO ice, and to cabin at 9:30 for 40 minutes of 1910 Mawson silent "Home of the Blizzard," and a ten-minute clip of 1949 sound Antarctic-Navy-Sweden trip. Bed at 10:30, ship cracking.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 13. Wake at 6:35 at Miles fussing around cabin and he says "We're there." Dress in parka and out to SPRAY of ice and salt in face! We ARE there! Low mountains, icebergs, Mt. Minto, and rocky Cape Adare in front. To bridge and out for pictures, then to cabin to write this, wash glasses, and breakfast at 7:40. Views are all the topic as we dash out for more of them. Sit in Dolphin Lounge and listen to drab conversation and see great cliffs and bergs till we pull EAST at 10AM. Colin delays talk till 10:30. I feel tired---want to TOUCH it more than SEE my Seventh Continent. We steer AWAY to 71E30', then along coast again. We VISIT Italian station at Terra Nova tomorrow morning. Wife calls doddery old fellow Moxon---a standout name! Colin: Wild Places give us SOLITUDE, they strip away our civilized ego. PRIVATE expeditions only in the last 15 years. $14,000 per barrel of fuel AT the South Pole. $4,000/barrel at McMurdo. Canterbury Museum in Christchurch is recommended. Gary Coles climbed seven top peaks in seven continents in seven months---Everest in August, 1990, Vinson Massif in Antarctica in December 1990, 13 days to ROW from Punta Arenas to Antarctica, in National Geographic in 1988. Governments NEVER help private expeditions, but Australians helped seven-by-dogsleds. Adventure Network only PRIVATE plane service in Antarctic---two groups SKIED across the same years as the seven-by-dogsleds. Greenpeace aims: 1) No overfishing, 2) no mining. World Discoverer sailing since 1975, Captain Aye on it for 15 years. Lindblad Explorer now SOCIETY Explorer, carrying 80 passengers. World Explorer carries 130 passengers. "Adventure Network International" flies Twin Otters across Drake Passage. It's a 12-hour flight from Punta Arenas to permanent camp in the Ellsworth Mountains. 180 nautical miles, 2E of latitude, in one day with wind pulling men on skis. Colin ends at 11:50, INCREDIBLE indictment against governments and spoilers and stupidity, and FOR Greenpeace and private enterprise. Coast ALL fogged behind now, but lovely berg to right, clouded mountains to right, and LARGE berg ahead and to left at noon on WONDERFUL Wednesday the 13th. Look out windows until lunch at 12:45, later to Mike's table, listening to his tales, and have cheeseburger and soup and pastry dessert. Brush teeth after taking pills, needing to borrow Swiss Army Knife Screwdriver from Delores for eyeglass frames. Up to stare at CLOUDY mountains along shore as drapes closed for 2PM Antarctic Film Festival "Frozen Assets" ANOTHER polemic against governmental exploitation. At 3:40 I start doing a session, lighting CF and CM and RG, and think of various Joyous energies, and think, ah, Joyous Intelligence, with ALL the Joy energies! Great! 4PM, see PACK ICE in a SOLID line to the south! Out at 4:35, at 13 knots, and we HIT it. Mike says it's too SMALL for pack ice, it's just BRASH. 5PM Keith on Pinnipedia, 3 families, 34 genera, and 60 species. 1) Odobenidae (walrus) in north ONLY. 2) Otariidae (fur seals/EARED seals), include sea lions, which are DANGEROUS, have forward-facing hind flippers, and male is 4.5 times size of female. Last is 3) Phocidae (true seals): eyes on TOP, noses CLOSED to be FORCED OPEN, and more blood. Commonest of last are 1) crab eaters: most numerous large carnivore on earth, 2) Weddell, 3) elephant seal, 4) Ross, the best, and 5) Leopard seal. This to 5:45, back to Dolphin where at 7:50 a rock turns into a leopard seal and a turd into two penguins! DON'T eat; WATCH! Lovely colors and hills and ice, and "ice blink," and sadly they say the 9:30 film is by Iwago, and he'll BE there, so I decide to watch film, which hasn't started YET at 9:33! Getting chilly! "Whales" to be translated into English in March. More looking but ice ISN'T freezing. Snacks are only chips and guacamole! 2 beers. Bridge to 12:30. Collapse into bed, still light outside.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 14. Wake at 6:50 and dress groggily and out at 7:10 to bridge, and to breakfast at 7:30, making up for last night and sitting on OTHER side of Mermaid Dining Room with Barbara and an abrupt couple. To Dolphin and see Captain turn back up toward Mt. Melbourne as he overshot Terra Nova Base. It finally comes into sight as three, then four, then FIVE antennas on a nipply ridge. Then two blue buildings appear out of nowhere (asked OLD birthday woman how old she IS and she says "87!" Hope she can get off on the WHARF waiting for us. Then at 10:15 I get down to shit, wash, put on suntan lotion for first time since Sydney, and Miles rushes by in full foul-weather gear. Get to Frontier Lounge at 10:20 and Italians arrive at 10:25, LOADS of cameras. They pack on the 19th and leave on the 20th. Professor Cervallati has 83 people ashore, and the ship "Italica" moored with 28 more in the next bay. They have four helicopters. Cute Kiwi jeaned helicopter pilot in photo. 1.5 hour tour in groups of 25. Lunch 12:30-2 here. Dark striped rock is dolorite. "Heat-loving bacteria" on black rock. "Basic" is "swallowed" by granites. "Powdered granite" on roads. Arrive McMurdo 8-9AM, and 5AM enter the SOUND. Mt. Erebus 12,500 feet, still active. Mt. Byrd, 6000 feet. Southernmost SHIP point on earth is about 78ES. BUSY day. LUNCH to tour to ship to laundry to 5:30-6:45 talk by Colin, to spin-dry, to 6:55 wrap-up, to dry, to dinner at 7:45. Drinks arrive 8:30PM. Pass 76ES at 11:53PM. Stay to take photo at MIDNIGHT!

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 15. Ask Captain: farthest south IS at McMurdo, NOT to west as map indicates. He'll ANNOUNCE southernmost point. 7:30AM at 77E41'S, 166E10'E. Captain tells ME story of anchoring AT 180E: the foredeck was in Sunday and the aft was in Monday. Weather tomorrow? Go see! Miles: ONLY birds: Skuas. Sight 2-3 blows and photo the fin of a whale. Two groups of 10-20 penguins (Adelies) ON ice floating north. We HEAR Captain talking to McMurdo: we come NEXT on March 7 at 7AM, no more ice wharf. It broke up and we tow it to melt in the Ross Sea. New "Grumans" unloading, you must anchor off. We welcome you. "Polar Ice" icebreaker back at noon tomorrow. No news of where the "Discovery" is. WEST at 77E44' at 7:45AM, in pack ice. 7:52AM at 77E45'. At 8AM clocks put AHEAD one hour to 9AM to agree with McMurdo. 77E46' at "9":03. Take 77E50' photo at 9:20 JUST as Captain CLOSES bridge and chases us all out. Mike goes in and out by Zodiac to find we can't use McMurdo's ROADS at ALL, either to climb Observation Hill OR to visit Scott's Hut at Hut Point. That causes lots of ill-feeling toward Americans on ship. McMurdo tour will be tomorrow, so we sail south about 11:20 toward the sea-ice shelf (1/3 meters thick) at the FARTHEST SOUTH. We all crowd onto forecastle when they sight an emperor penguin on the edge of the sea ice! HOW LUCKY!! We get a sheet later, documenting at 12:10PM our farthest south was 77E53.85' at 166E37.1E, only 726.3 miles from the South Pole. Whales are spotted, also. Sail back north as we're encouraged to go to lunch NOW since the Zodiacs will start leaving at 1PM for Scott Base. I DASH into lunch, wolf it down, and get told I'm in group 3, in at 1:20, but when some guy CANCELS from group 2, a single, and I ask Cecilia at the crowded Reception Desk if I can take his PLACE (106 people signed up to climb Observation Hill, many too many), she says to just SHOW UP and they'll put me ON. Get down to LONG line about 1PM and so many are so eager than even boat TWO has two extra passengers put off to boat 3. THEN the photographers go out in their OWN Zodiac and I get to stare at the high-thighed (when he's sitting he has lovely bulges) dark-loving-eyed crew member, whose eyes linger on everyone, including ME. Warm and impatient, but we're at last off about 1:30. Cold ride over to the light-green blockhouses of Scott Base, and up on small icy slope to be met with the LOVELY eyes and blue jeans and open-necked shirt of Barry Were (and wedding ring, damn), who collects the 14 of us and takes us through a VERY comfortable looking, carpeted, double-L-crossing bunks in room, and three Norwegians from a trans-Antarctic ski trip in the library-dining room. Small modules connected by heated corridors through which we pass in stocking feet since they make us take boots off in entranceway. Germans bumble behind me as I pick up Science brochure Barry says I can have, and fat David asks three times for water that Barry says isn't there. THEY'RE closing up, too, and lots of the facilities are closed already. Then at 2:25 he points us to the black road in white snow (which he says wasn't even THERE last week) that we climb to Observation Hill. Wind's behind us as we walk, seeing Zodiacs zipping in and out from ship to look at the seals in the bay, and the planes in the airstrip coming clearer. To Margaret at the intersection to the left, McMurdo base visible to the right across the point, and people in a line climbing the hill, even people shoe-skiing down the NEAR, STEEP side. Decide to bull my way up, and pass lots of crew skipping nimbly down. Behind Peter partway up to "bird feeder," then I pass him and plod up and up, hard and cold and panting, and get to top with some triumph. Later told to read Nevil Shute's "In the Wet." Observation Hill cross: jarrelwood, four names, "In memoriam" and "to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield," by Tennyson. BIRD feeder was spot for BOOK for signers and remarks. Take photos with cold fingers and then struggle down, easier than I'd feared, though legs getting sore, and reach the bottom with great relief. Walk back is BRUTAL in freezing wind, getting a real ice GRILLE on the front of my scarf from my breath, worried that my cheekbones might be frostbitten. Catch up with Miles, who thought he froze his fingers with his video camera, but his mittens warmed them up. Cecilia is dancing around to keep warm at the intersection, and I DON'T see Delores and Michael going up, and can't recognize other bundled-up tourists. To Zodiacs about 4:30, and cold to ship to strip off and shower before Miles arrives---he was first in next Zodiac as I jumped ahead to be last into a full one. Then to bridge to watch ice-sheet touring Zodiacs chasing what look like 20-30 orcas near the ice, feeling jealous of their closeness. But have tea and cakes and warm up, then dine with Mary Anne from the base and Noela that I brought over for Delores and Michael and Francis, and great talk with her before announcement that Iwago will be answering questions on his film on the Humpbacked Whale at 8:30. Oh, must have been a McMurdo National Science Foundation introduction after dinner, too. NSF briefing after dinner on 2/16: breakfast 7-8, five groups of thirty, 40 minute spacing. 8:40 first group. Mike and Cecilia make list. Wear boots. 60 to 90 minute tours, NO credit cards. US cash accepted! Scott's hut. Vincent's cross from first expedition. Scott's Hut here is "less" than Shackleton's Hut and Scott's second hut. Then to Cape Evans, lunch 12:30-2. First group at 2PM. ABOVE Evans Hut is Greenpeace Camp. Five over-winterers. THEN, after dinner, to Cape Royds: Shakleton's Hut AND Adelie Penguin rookery. Midnight to Marble Point, entrance to Dry Valleys, to off-load helicopter. Next AM to Ross Ice Shelf. THEN to Cape Hallett and Cape Adare. NO written program for 2/16! 24 people for dinner, including Hugh from New Zealand, Simon from the National Science Foundation. Japanese film of whales humping, simple-feeding, and GROUP -feeding, followed by some questions and answers. Meet Ben and Lu Patrick from Oklahoma! First time I SEE them. Stoned on three vodka-tonics and one "4X" ale and PAYING for three Norwegian South Pole Expedition 1990 men who skied 105 days through Antarctica from Weddell Sea to South Pole to McMurdo: H. Odiford, Sven McFildy, and Sven Mody. McMurdo found three million year old LEAVES. 130,000 foot balloon: LDB: Long-Distance Balloon---up for 9 days. McMurdo is an industrial site---its product is science. They're anxious to do their activity. Be careful. Listen to your tour guides. Chalet is main NSF headquarters. Last stop is gym---photo display---incremental efforts on station." Fifty golden models of Frontier Spirit were made. Barry Were (Wier) is our guide. 10:30PM: Farthest south announced as 77E53.5', 726 miles from South Pole. Drank three vodka-tonics, lasted for a few visiting dignitaries, and went to bed to SLEEP. Cloudy, so no clear impression of "no sunset," as noted on 2/15 program.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 16. No program today. Wake about 7 and down to breakfast to find we're on FIRST Zodiac at 8AM. They're going roughly in ROOM order. Eat VERY fast at table I sit at MYSELF because I want to SEE outside, and then dash to finish dressing and out to Zodiacs. In to McMurdo to a group of FOUR guides who keep talking OVER each other. We wander outside lots of buildings, and get told about new three-story expansion that's probably the tallest building on the continent. Into R&R building for bowling alley (surprising how many on the boat DISLIKED that!) and ceramics and plaster molding and model-building and macrame shops. DIVING party going out at 3PM, but we're not going to be THERE. Steel-blue-eyed Navy man terse that "PR people would get letter from private parties wanting to visit McMurdo." Others (like "Rocky") are cute and enthusiastic. Chapel for gone-chalice. Chapel closed 2/13/91, will reopen in October---chalice in Christchurch Cathedral. Over 200 will over-winter. Into Gym for a DETAILED look at plans for four new modules: entryways, heating units, ambient-temperature labs, expandable microbiology labs, library dining room, johns, etc. Pick up LOTS of paper and back to ship about 10:30. Keep boots on and watch Zodiacs buzzing about and quick lunch and back to Zodiac for Hut Point visit---DARK GLOOMY interior and a kind of dank MIASMA over it. Large, random-labeled, and Hugh talks rather pedantically. Hut Point hut FULL of stuff, AND rotting mutton! I try photos though I know they won't come out inside. Wander up to cross and around outside and photo almost-obligatory skeletons. Take so many photos I don't even record numbers. Then all are back and we go NORTH and then really back SOUTH (see map) to Scott's Second Hut BETWEEN two McMurdo-connected modules SOUTH of it and the Greenpeace complex NORTH of it. Out on Zodiac at 3:35. Greenpeace Base built in January, 1987. No sun for four months. ARE some hot vents and fumaroles and "bombs" from Erebus. Around Greenpeace, penguins NESTED in crates and tins and boxes left, and Hugh describes task of asking, "Is material from 90 years ago historic and to be left, but stuff added 40 years ago "modern" and to be cleared off? 30 years, 5 years? Take no information from Greenpeace, nor do I buy anything (and Scott Base patches were $20 each!), but I take lots of photos of Adelies between, though Delores and Michael are taking 30 rolls of film each these days. So far behind in writing and still so busy: again Scott's second hut is dim inside and Hugh gives more cautions than information in his talk. The tags are too random to be read and the light too dim to photograph in, though this is not nearly as OILY and OPPRESSIVE as Scott's first hut. Lots of recognizable labels like Coleman's Mustard and Heinz products and various flours and biscuits, but when I ask what Irish Brawn is, no one knows. Dictionary says "chopped, cooked, and molded pork bits of legs, head, feet, and sometimes tongue." There's always a line out front, people (Japanese) pushing in, and limited time inside so that none of us get that "ten minutes of silence to absorb the feel of the place." But the tired-looking cots, dark scraps of clothing hung over parts of bedsteads, paltry stoves, black hangings for darkrooms, framed photos, dead penguins, macerated mutton, give an air of gloom and "I'm glad I wasn't part of THAT." I'm JUST going into Zodiac when I hear, "There's an Emperor Penguin over there." I debate, then regret returning to ship AS I return. I wash boots off, try Japanese Red Bean Soup, go to ask questions, and woman says "I'm going back!" "Then I'm going back too!" And I do, and take more photos. Talk to Barnett, who bought Wellingtons at shop at 62nd and Broadway, priced at $50 at 40% discount for $30!! Back about 6:30 for Apricot Sour, and 6:40 Greenpeace slides and SAID to be 7:30-8:30 dinner and to Cape Royds Zodiacs 8:30-midnight! Cape Royds penguin rookery is a Specially Protected Area---NO entry---it's the southernmost penguin rookery in the world. Have dinner in shore-clothes and then cruise north to Cape Royds, angered to find that the helicopter is bringing in loads AS we try to photograph fleeing- in-terror penguins and listen to an exasperated Hugh in Shackleton's hut as it's REALLY too dark to see, and I envy people with flash and videos. LOTS of supplies backed up against base of hut, and someone reports modern nails scattered over nearby ground. Garbanzo beans are scattered outside crates next to time-blackened unidentifiable stuffs. Women complain about stepping out onto two crates, one of which is broken (the other of which Peter breaks through and draws up a cane-tip whitened with flour!), and I bitch momentarily when Hugh asks me to take off my BACKPACK, but David later says on HIS (first) tour in BOTH huts someone turned and knocked over stuff on a shelf and in another a POKER clattered to the floor. Pay attention to the penguins BEFORE, going behind a rock to look at gloomy molters and see the more active pairs and chicks running around the forbidden ground of the orange-sign demarked sanctuary. Since we have till midnight, I wander around to the north to solitary penguins stomach-paddling across bits of snow (and it STARTS to snow) and look at green-tinged water---when they fast they excrete only BILE. Lots of red-suited tourists clustered around inlet where two leopard seals flirt and dive far below in gloom, and I take another few hopeless slides. Sun-colors are glorious behind clouds and over growling sea-ice chunks. When I go back to Zodiac landing about 10:30, cold and tired and figuring I'd seen it all, even in the silence after the helicopter drops stopped. Get to the top of the hill and see two LOADED Zodiacs and a Greg-manned otherwise-empty one trying to get free of wind-blown sea-ice in cove! I walk across to get life-vest when Margaret docks at the RIGHT of the cove, over a very slick ice-coast, but I don't feel like being a hero or counting life-vests or taking photos, so I pile into margaret's Zodiac, helped by sexy blue-eyed waiter, and he gives his life-vest to an old woman who has to be LIFTED into Zodiac. I insisted on sitting on the shore before I got in, which helped. The three other Zodiacs manage at GREAT length (after many pushing paddles and people getting out and walking across the ice floes) to bull a way through, and then on the way out MARGARET gets stuck on the SHELF about a foot below the surface that rolls up and down in the swell. Others push us ONTO the shelf, and soon WE seem to be hopelessly stuck. Margaret orders us to paddle-push, we try rocking, and I even move to the other side to try to tip us off, but we remain stuck as MORE ice is coming to wedge us in. Then Margaret leaps out ONTO the ice and starts pushing, despite remonstrations from passengers. She pushes us off and jumps in, but we're instantly stuck again, and she jumps off again, getting us off and DIVING into the bottom of the boat. Cold trip back, and I have tea and cake and look out to see who's LAST. Third last Zodiac is in at 12, but there's ANOTHER Zodiac waiting, and one person comes back and there're 2-3 life-vests left in a tiny stack, but I go down to third floor rear and see EIGHT red tags still over, including the three guys from 403. At 12:20 they come down, and across, and two of the Japanese photographers (who "didn't like the ship") bid them farewell before they returned to their tents in the penguin colony. It looks like the sun DOESN'T set before I stagger off to bed about 12:45, exhausted.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 17. DREAM at 7AM: I'm waiting for word to leave a stool sample in a tiny dirty room. I've cleaned the edge of the toilet and left lots of stuff to be flushed down, mostly books. When I flush, there's a large rush of water (E-VAC?) and the books "float" to a higher level and I figure it's been designed that way. Then the person AFTER me sort of looks at me impatiently and I stick my head out to see where I shit. The doctors look at my chart and seem to imply that my "disseminated carcinoma" has ALREADY been verified, so there's no reason I NEED to leave a sample. I calmly accept the "fatal" news and wonder how I can live better before I die. Odd but NOT alarming, somehow. Record dream to about 7:30, then to leisurely breakfast, talking till 9, and get to library. Kelp is "Durvillaea antarctica." 9:33AM: Going east along Ross Island, SNOW (first REAL snowstorm of trip, though there were flurries 2-3 times before) obscuring coast, I page through Ponting's "The Great White South," about Scott's last expedition, talking of Hut Point as I open the book at random, and reading Scott's last writings, so chauvinistic, and thinking that the main part of my trip (and my life?) is over, I want to fill the time---at 10:12 I realize I'm MISSING "Bird on a Wire." Get to room and it's not ON yet! Phone Cecilia and look through Stein "Der Grosse Kultur Fahrplan" and THEN movie goes on at 10:15! THEN I worry about Ross Ice Shelf at 11 and they announce we get there about 1PM! GREAT!! Up to approach to Ice Shelf and Captain says, "12 minutes for lunch," but I want to watch from the beginning. What started as a white glitter through a break in the surrounding gray clouds (SNOWSTORM at first) grows to a CLEAR view of the high, amazingly uniform, wall before us. It seems it MUST be an INCREDIBLE coincidence that we DON'T pass any ice floes coming toward it. Has it REALLY been inactive for a FEW DAYS? Captain announces a contest for the height above the water to hundredths of meters ("two places after decimal point, for Americans," I say as he announces "two places after the comma"). He admits FLOOR of Deck 6 is 12 meters. I mistake nine feet between decks for 2.5, rather than 3, meters, and get 17 when I should have guessed closer to 20 meters. 110 nautical miles long and we cruise 22 of them, just one-fifth, and each angle and small inlet is a joy, particularly with birds flying over (Tekeli-li) for drama and many turnings of the boat for "Picture, picture of the name Frontier Spirit on the lifeboat, orange against blue." Take pictures till 3 (height is 21.62 meters, the closest off by only 11 centimeters!), then go to bird talk by Dennis and take the following notes: DEFLECTION spots, such as rump of white-rumped deer and tails of many birds, are spots of WHITE on the REAR that DEFLECT your attention from the ENTIRE body so that when the FLIGHT stops, the SPOT vanishes, meaning that the CREATURE vanishes. Birds PROVEN to use lines of magnetic force using piece of MAGNETITE in brain, AND by orienting on certain STAR constellations. NO body heat ESCAPES from penguins---snow won't MELT on them! At 4 I go to afternoon tea to make up for missing lunch, having lots of little sandwiches and cookies. To cabin to see what "Dangerous Alibi" is, and "Foothold in the Antarctic" can't be on Channel 30 because "Creatures of the Mangrove" is on. "Dangerous LIAISONS" comes on at 5:15, and finally at 5:25 comes "Foothold," but only until 6. Up to Frontier Club for recap at 6:30. Penguins, molting, are unable to EAT. Inuit has 160 words for ice and snow. Ice: Ice SHELF is freshwater, flows off continent; grounded icebergs are stuck on 250-350 meter-deep bottoms. Pack ice is broken-up sea ice. Oily, smooth- freezing ice is frazzle ice. Sea-smoke occurs when ice is cooling from pancakes to lily pads to sea ice. Brash is broken-up icebergs; bergy bits are house-size, while smaller, trunk-size are growlers. Rate of flow of Ice Shelf varies from 90 to 200 meters/year. OLDER bergs castellated or rolled over. Sea ice is thinner, 1-3 meters, and sea ice breaks into floes. Castle Berg lasted 15 years. Weddell sea gyre destroyed the ship "Endurance." Over the South Pole is a VAST flow. Also noted on Daily Program: at 7:30 Discovery STILL hadn't landed, but is still trying to land, at Cape Royds because of being stopped by pack ice. Then I drink until dinner at 7:30. To bridge as we pass parts of the coast, lots of ice, and I TRY to get to sleep by going to bed at 9PM, but I'm too full and can't really get to sleep.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 18. Wake at 2AM to shit and feel pretty lousy, and back to bed to toss and turn and feel like I get NO sleep, but probably I did. At 7:30 go to bridge and wind is 20-25 knots from west, our speed is 10 knots, and we're opposite Coulman Island in a SNOWSTORM. Go to breakfast and by 9:30 there's a HEAVY snowstorm. Go to Dolphin Lounge at 10 for Rod Ledingham's talk on the Australian programs, then up to bridge to watch the approach to Cape Hallet on a day that's become bright and sunny, staring at the approach of Mt. Herschel through telescope and binoculars. Dash to lunch at 12:30 and get dressed to be told that the landing site is full of pack ice. They stupidly schedule Hugh Logan to describe Cape Hallet at 2:30, when I and Zodiacs are due to leave at 3PM! I walk through gathered crowd to take my photos anyway. Then they announce at 2:50 that "Champagne cruise" starts at 3:15. In 1988, Cape Hallett rookery census was 60,000 pairs. I get out early at 3:20 with 2/3 of the passengers Japanese, and Lars as pilot, and we take off down the pack ice. I ask, "How far to the iceberg?" He says he wouldn't go that far from the ship without other Zodiacs around in case anything happened. Good pictures anyway, then we open champagne and Michael pours and Delores has none and others little, so I have much for me. Then Greg pulls HIS people onto an ICEFLOE and Lars asks if WE can come too, and Greg says NO. Then we DO get on one, fun, though feet get cold on ice and snow, and lots of good pictures and I have fun toeing in tiny ice floes until I'm ordered back from the edge. Then they announce we're ALL going to the iceberg, and it's fabulous: shapes of cream and plaster, and cracks and turrets and holes and windows, and colors of white and yellow and green and blue. Wonderful sight! Back to ship at 6:20, feeling totally drained. Shower and up for bouillon and to bridge, then dinner, and Captain announces an attempt to have the FIRST landing on Possession Island! Watch it drawing near from the bridge, good photos, and he calls out Zodiacs (with echo depth-finders) at 9PM. Asks for second Zodiac with two birthday people and then Mike is calling for Pete McDowell, the driver! The first echo finder doesn't work, yet the Captain continues in!! Zodiac 2 still isn't launched. 9:35PM CALL for echo sounders and Pete as second driver. 9:57: Pete shows up. 10:35 FIRST sounder, not working, second sounder called out, bridge CLOSED. I remark to one of the sisters that I'm trying to remember everything in case I have to testify in court why our bottom was ripped out! "The Rock" is so steep that it could have its brothers ANYWHERE under where we steam. Can see what looks like ROCKS on a sandy spit to the north of the island at 10:15 when the Captain closes the bridge. I figure the second echo-sounder will work OR that the Captain will let the Zodiacs go from here. I go down to DRESS and at 10:30, as I get my boots on, they say "Surge too great, NO landing can be made." Undress! "NO attempt at Possession Island first landing." Later hear that "Earl" wanted to step off onto what he thought was land---and fell into freezing ocean up to his NECK! So they raced him back to the ship WITHOUT anyone making a landing. AND the second sounder did NOT work. Brush teeth and BREAK plastic rubber-tip probe and did not bring a REPLACEMENT! I go dejectedly to bed at 11:07PM, exhausted, but ready to be wakened at 5AM for breakfast before landing at Cape Adare.