Any comments or questions about this site, please contact Bob Zolnerzak at

bobzolnerzak @verizon.net

 

 

 

2010 7 of 7

WEDNESDAY, 11/10/10: Pee at 6:17AM, and get up, reading through "Family Medicine" to try to find "contusion" and "hematoma" and "positional" (or "postural" or "orthostatic" hypotension, and in EB, to 7:41AM. Back to bed, groggy, and get up at 8:45AM. Type this at 8:59AM: Decided to "cut to the chase," NOT insist on going to the gym before seeing DiMatteo at 10:30AM, and dress in all-clean clothes over four-day's dirty, got-to-go-to-gym-this-afternoon body. Make a surprisingly early appointment with Chin at 2PM this Friday to 1) check all prescriptions, and 2) check wound progress, particularly left calf. Ken's coming over at 11AM tomorrow to see the trip slides, which I haven't finished editing yet, having gotten to #806, somewhere in Uganda, after working from 7:05-10:55PM last night. No good idea yet how long the program will take to show, even though I made a promise to Shelley, Elsie, and Leon at Cobble Hill Health Center to show it via their VGA-TV connection. AND must generate a Sharjah-Ajman-Umm al Qiwain-Ras al Khaimah narrative for my Emirates tour. And figure WHAT PART of trip receipts to bring up with Ken tomorrow. Note that I checked prescriptions, looked at the old Family Practice book for orthostatic hypotension, tried EB for Bruising, Edema, and other topics, but really found nothing, so I'm glad I'm seeing Chin on Friday. Phone Mildred to crow about early Chin appointment, and she reminds me that she's going in for surgery TOMORROW, and I suggest yogurt as a possible "liquid" supplement to satisfy her liquid-diet hunger all day today before tomorrow's 6AM procedure, and wish her the best results. Now at 9:14AM I'm ready to start breakfast, brushing teeth, washing face, and getting ready to see DiMatteo, hoping she hadn't planned on extracting my old bridge to start on my new bridge TODAY. But sadly, she HAD planned on it, after we chatted amiably for about 20 minutes, and I want to delay to after the New Year, which she HATES, and I change it the next day for right after Thanksgiving. Feel awful about this. I work more on the Dubai show from 12:05-2:15PM, to 882, the start of Rwanda, and then to 951, when I have to stop for lunch, and then 2:35-3:40 I finish to 994, the last one. Down to get "The Secret in Their Eyes," which won the Academy Award for Best Foreign Film last year, with magnetic-eyed stars who end up happily together at the very end, which I watch twice for the director's comments. Then watch episodes 3 and 4 of "Circus." Bed at 12:59AM.

THURSDAY, 11/11/10: Pee at 5:23AM and up at 8:30AM. Maybe it's THIS morning that I get a call from HIP, clarifying that it's $157/month instead of the current $115/month, so I must opt for their new plan, making out the form and mailing it later. Four days earlier I'd sent off a check for $40 to EFA for another year on the Job Phone, still hoping for more work from them. Ken comes over at 11AM, actually 10:50AM, just after I'd cleared off the dining table from the Dubai souvenirs AT LAST, and mopped up some of the black spots from the kitchen floor. He loves the photos, taking 121 of them, and eventually wants copies of the gorilla films. We go for lunch at Fascati's for his two slices and my one slice of wonderful pizza. He leaves about 3PM. I play Taipei, just to DO it, 3:09-3:42PM, when it gets boring. Then do whatever I do (including Marj's shit from 4:10-4:37PM) until I leave for Sharon's at 4:35PM, and since I'm hungry when I get out, I decide to have a hamburger at Grand Canyon, but when I get there I see the special dinner of ribs for $14.95 (including $2 tip) with dessert, and the ribs are good but the cheesecake is VERY old and dry. It seems to be ANOTHER geriatric feeding center! Kids didn't even start coming in until I was leaving about 6:30PM. Next recorded note is that I got to bed at 10:30PM.

SHARON B. 155 11/11/10

First meeting since 10/27! Go through EVERYTHING: 1) Pissed at Shelley asking for water and Diet Pepsi and talcum powder and the Tuesday Times, and I can't find ANYTHING, and have to ASK where the water is, Times sold out of one place, and cashier tells me about MACHINE for the 20-oz Pepsi, which gets STUCK because the previous person didn't root out their stuck WATER, which was given to me by the manager who cleared the machine for me. Tell Shelley that I was pissed shopping for her, she still thanks me, then pees into the bed, meaning that I have to sit in the hall reading New Yorker when LEON passes by on his way to see Elsie in the NEXT ROOM! Tell them I can show my trip-show on their TV's VGA entry. 2) Leg better, but now there's LOCALIZED pain in the groin which I'll see Chin about tomorrow, and my calf is STILL swollen. 3) Had to put up with Marj's shit from 4:10-4:27 this afternoon because she puts up with MY shit! 4) Told DiMatteo January for my dental work, she even felt free enough to joke about "restocking costs" for my postponed extraction today, which Sharon praised, then I called this morning to make it November 27th; anything to please her, mentioning my updating her with Shelley's ankles and Mildred's hernia operation today. 5) Finally got trip stuff put away before Ken's arrival at 11AM today for trip-show, which went great, and I DO enjoy being praised for the MARVELOUS images; he took 121 shots, then I found a way to put them on a DVD which two camera shops said was blank: it had to be on a CD, which I then did, with EVERYTHING: his shots AND all of 10/21, which he says the camera folks can't use, but maybe his computer can handle showing it all. 6) Then bitched about NYS Income Tax form requested by Cadman Towers. 7) Sharon kept asking how I felt about all this, and I said I thought my plate was pretty full, and she agreed with me! Joked about how she HAD to listen to me. 8) Then brought up the "changes" in HIP VIP pricing, and had to get more information, since I wasn't about to pay $30/specialist for each of HER sessions! More likely the $157/month, which I would hope would NOT be added to the $115/month I pay ALREADY! Changed next week's date to Thursday, since the slides will be on Wednesday and I'll be with friends afterwards.

FRIDAY, 11/12/10: Pee at 12:10AM and 5:30AM. Try starting to jerk off at 7:45, but it just doesn't work, so I stop at 8:45AM. See Chin at 2PM, see MEDICAL:11/12/10. Look at the website and find there are 1) ten Galapagos pictures in the websit, 2) ten St. Petersburg pictures in, 3) travel menus in SMALLER type, and 4) History C ends with Tris Memo 22 from 7/31/10, so I need a new "anniversary" memo 23. Don't know what I do for the rest of the day, but I play Spider 2:30-3:05 to 51.39807 at 613 up after 4 wins. Then play Taipei 3:05-4PM, and Solitaire 4-5:50PM, filling up the bottom of the card completely. Then have dinner before getting out to meet Charles at Koch Theater at 7:35PM for Bernstein's "A Quiet Place," for $12 for 4th Ring standing room. Place is probably more full for the last evening performance of this thing, but it's still not very good: the first act is VERY atonal, which I just don't care for, and the second act is only good for the bits of "Trouble in Tahiti" I recognize. The third act is somewhat better, but it's still not something that I could see ANYONE wanting to see again. Bed at 12:25AM.

SATURDAY, 11/13/10: Pee at 3:19AM. Do a decent Actualism and get up at 8:10AM. Make a note to suggest to Tris that the website has text on the LEFT and a panel of slides on the RIGHT with IDs from the digital shots for the date and time. 12:30PM: Idyllic morning! Got the Times, read the magazine with an oatmeal breakfast, did the extra Boston crossword puzzle, read the paper, started puzzles at 10:20AM and finished both with great contentment about 11:50AM. Then scanned movies in the two books Ken gave me last night, stood on the balcony looking at the still-uncolored trees in Cadman Plaza Park, washed my hands from the Times newsprint, and sat down to type this to preserve my glorious feeling of EASE with the day so far. On rumination, though, sadly, there's still a lot to be caught up with: 1) pile of notes on the coffee table, 2) summary sheet and printing and filling-in-of-datebook tasks for DUBAI, let alone the final expenses figuring out, 3) website talk with Tris, along with the new anniversary memo 23, 4) form to Cadman office, 5) HIP VIP questions, 6) gym this afternoon. Resist phoning Marj, and Spartacus doesn't answer, and LW with Tris. So, OK, let's get to DUBAI summary sheet, so I can get rid of the October calendar above my desk! That takes a LONG time, with referrals to the souvenirs to get names and places correct. Tris interrupts from 2:20-3:30 to talk about the website, repeating that he's LOST the disk from which he got the St. Petersburg slides; and repeating that thumbnails only take 30 kb, good for website use, but that pictures are 465 kb, taking LOTS of time to load, butr we talk about "a day's worth on a gallery page," which he said he'd look into. He also suggests I look into Facebook and get a site for my slides and movies. I finish the Dubai summary at 9:20PM. Then I go to Netflix and watch "Imagine: John Lennon," on the site. Bed at 12:15AM.

SUNDAY, 11/14/10: Pee at 6:10AM, and amaze myself by weighing in at 195 pounds! Up at 7:30AM. 8AM: 1) Ordered a) Sierra Club Engagement Calendar for $10.67 and b) "The Grand Design" by Stephen Hawking for $15.94 from Amazon.com. 2) Have GRAND new reorganization ideas: a) Move DISPLAY books (like Angkor book) to souvenir shelves IN FRONT OF APPROPRIATE SOUVENIRS! b) Move too-tiny-to-display-title travel booklets BEHIND MIRRORS, IN FRONT OF BACK-ROW NOVELS, and tape a list of novel-titles (behind) and booklet-countries (in front) inside the mirrored doors! c) Move MAJOR novels to SHOW-BOOKCASES to better display what I have! d) Keep ONLY big-enough-to-read travel-books in show-bookcases. MAJOR MOVE, but eventually IT WILL BE BETTER THAN WHAT I HAVE NOW!!! Great entry to 8:10AM. Finish the Sunday Times, have breakfast, and fill in the datebook pages with Dubai data, finally able to put the October calendar sheet back in its drawer. Leave at 12:50PM for Piri's, actually having lunch so I won't pig out on Cheetos so much, sure to get there before Caesar arrives to talk about his trip to Budapest and Prague. Mark is already there, and Caesar thanks me for telling him not to bother taking a suit. Before that, however, Piri tells me and Mark about her lymphectomy for breast cancer, assuring us that the survival rate is over 80% and telling us not to worry, but she won't be participating in Charades because she's still draining fluids into a bag under her left armpit. Alexa, Barbara, and Diane make us seven, and I invite all to my show on Wednesday: Alexa and Piri can only make it if I show it in the evening at my place. We play Quiddler, Charades, and Scattergories and finish about 5:30PM, having agreed that meetings will now always be the SECOND Sunday of the month, better for me (for M.A.N.) AND for Diane. Um. Back to scour Netflix for something to watch, finally settling on "Michael Jackson's This Is It." Bed at 11:15PM, quite tired.

MONDAY, 11/15/10: Pee and shit at 6:43AM, remembering first DREAMS:11/15/10. Then up at 8:38AM, remembering second DREAMS:11/15/10. Pee again, this time only dribbling onto my blue-jeans fly, which is happening more often now and is more maddening than ever. Type dreams at 8:48AM. Have a series of frustrating Verizon no-loads, not able to get e-mail except through Verizon itself, and have breakfast at 9:10AM. Watch the recorded "Tina Fey Gets Mark Twain Award." 12:25PM: JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING!!! Later, down to get mail and read a lot of it, and then watch "Unthinkable" twice, not really that good, but not knowing until the director's commentary that we're not supposed to KNOW whether there was a fourth bomb or not. [Nothing like 4 "not"s in a sentence.] Then watch "Sunrise" from TCM, really quite a simple movie. To bed at 12:12AM.

TUESDAY, 11/16/10: Pee at 4:44AM and 5:24AM, maybe feeling the effects of not taking Tamsulosin, still having problems with dribbling. Do an Actualism session to stay in bed until 8:15AM. 9AM: Restarted computer to get rid of annoying "square" on the screen, left when e-mail doesn't quite work. When I restarted, e-mail worked OK, so there's no PERMANENT problem? Desk still loaded with a bunch of stuff to sort into piles-to-do. Called John to verify tomorrow's Dubai program, then read e-mail to find that Suzie e-mailed him on Sunday about it, reminding him of her and Steve's going over the bridge for dinner afterwards. Maybe I'll go too before 6:30 slides? ARGH! Slides, of course, are TODAY; over-the-bridge for dinner is TOMORROW! Then play Solitaire, just for the hell of it, until 9:50AM, when I have breakfast, phone Maria Hsieh to offer condolences and say I can't come to the memorial service for Dick, remind Bill Petersen about the slides tomorrow, leave word with Charles that we might have done the Onassis today, leave word with Mildred, and phone Spartacus to praise myself for the phone calls made. Type this at 10:55AM before playing Solitaire until I call Marj at 11AM. Talk ENDLESSLY about my opening statement: "Why do we have to be so HARD on ourselves?" until 12:25PM. And then I STILL don't feel like doing anything productive. So I think I'll read Scientific American. Do that until my eyes close; sort mail, then play Spider to new high of 51.40495 at 616 up after 4 wins from 1:35-2:30, when I put on sausage to broil for a big lunch before HH meals arrive. Have lunch, then play Taipei 3:20-5:30, winning many. Then get dressed, go down to get the HH meals that arrive just before 6PM, and go to the Tuesday Evening Club for interesting digital slides on Iran, though the sheltering roof over the Persepolis stairway is rather disappointing. Dash in to Lots-Less to buy toothpaste and another bag of the addictive licorice, forcing myself NOT to buy more Mars bars. This is probably one of the dreadful nights that I SO disrespected my lists that I played Taipei and Solitaire for HOURS without even recording the time spent on them. How BAD can I be??? But also, sometime in here, went through the start of the Dubai show to isolate when I went to the various emirates, which I'll describe when I talk about the show tomorrow. Bed at 12:46AM.

WEDNESDAY, 11/17/10: Pee at 5:12AM and write brief note about my dream of flapping my sock (well, that word was SUPPOSED to be COCK!) at a floor-length foggy window at night. Up at 8:06AM. Have breakfast, wash dishes, clean the toilet, start putting out items for the show at 55 Pierrepont and for the gathering here this afternoon, and Suzie arrives at 11:50AM. Have a bowl of soup with her and we leave at 12:40PM to find that the large TV has no VGA input port. Suzie moves the chairs around while I set up the show, and Diane shows up, as does John, Steve, Caesar, Charles and Fred, and Leon saying that Elsie has had a relapse and lost her progress from her rehabilitation, and Christina says that she's leaving the place: replacement unknown. I show the large map of Africa and the small map of Dubai, saying it went from 2.2 million down to 1.6 million, and then describe the Emirates, 5 million people, tour: leaving the hotel in Dubai at 9:20AM; crossing a river at 10AM to Sharjah, 1 million, for a mosque in that poorer emirate; then at 10:20AM to Ajman, .4 million, with "Manama" hypermarket, mosque, fish, and shops; at 10:40AM to Umm al-Qiwain, .1 million, for shots of water, mosque, and buildings; then at 11:30AM to Ras al-Khaimah, .2 million, starting at "diamond building," then at road sign at 1PM saying I was tired and wanted to go back, going to Dubai tower and hotel at 2:40PM. The next day was the tour to Abu Dhabi. The Dubai Terminal is the single largest building in the world by floor space. The ankle-length white shirt on males is the kandura; the block cover for women is the abaya. Also, at some point last week, made notes about the names of hotels and guides for the Bestways trip-evaluation form which I sent, incomplete though it was, though Poonjah has STILL not responded to Ken's billing questions by 11/22/10. Program is longer than usual, lasting till 2:30PM, though Spartacus and Leon both say it's my best show, Spartacus saying that the varied shapes helped keep him awake. Diano comes back to my apartment to bore people until she leaves at 4PM for another meeting. I persuade John to join Suzie and me and Steve at the Italian restaurant Restivo, though I didn't like it the first time and didn't like it this time either: overpriced mediocre food. We at least get good subway connections on the way home. I finish the last two episodes of the six-hour "Circus" program about the Big Apple Circus on Channel 13. Bed at 12:10AM.

THURSDAY, 11/18/10: Pee at 5:55AM and up at 8:50AM. Probably spend another number of hours on unrecorded playing of Taipei and Solitaire. Play Spider 11AM-1PM to 51.40629 at 617 up after 2 wins. Finish watching "Carlos," all 5.5 hours of it, even though it's rather depressing, both from the point of view of the amoral "hero" and the unreadable subtitles. Then sit through the following "Motorcycle Diaries" even though it gets me to bed at 2:09AM!

FRIDAY, 11/19/10: Pee at 6:34AM and sunrise watch and read to 7:34AM. Back to bed at 7:35AM and up at 9:37AM. One of these days I get the Sierra Club calendar that I bought for $10.67, including shipping, and "The Grand Design" by Stephen Hawking that I bought for $15.94 through Amazon and two different companies and shippers. Get "Pecker" yesterday and watch it twice today, director's commentary being almost as much fun as the movie. Then out to Sharon's at 7PM, getting in at 7:30PM. Out, tempted to return to Grand Canyon for dinner, and the white "pedestrian cross" sign seems to beckon me until I take the first step toward it, at which instant it turns to the forbidding red hand, which I take as a sign to go home for dinner. Maybe more unrecorded games, but determined to type Sharon's session. Madge calls about 8:30PM about going to Dick's Memorial Service tomorrow morning, and she tells me the incredible story about almost getting robbed while driving out of Eugenie-Les-Bains after a wonderful dinner there with her daughter Michelle. When she talks about her awards, I think to check Google for Madge Mao, and find to my considerable embarrassment that ZOLNERZONE shows up, for Vienna/Krakow, with an erotic dream centered about her. Then find that SEX names are also available for John Ca., John Co., and Bob R., as is Art O. in TRAVEL. GOT to change these! At 10:15PM I phone Tris to tell him to change the name to Madge M.! Finish typing session at 12:10AM Saturday, tempted to games even though I want to wake at 8AM in the morning to get the Times. Then DO play Spider from 12:10-1:05AM, getting to 51.41281 at 620 up after 4 wins for another highest score. Bed at 1:13AM.

SHARON B. 156 11/19/10

I get there at 7:12PM for my 7:15PM session, and she comes out at 7:20 to say she'd mis-scheduled me and could I wait ten more minutes? OK. In at 7:30 to start by saying she should have told the fellow at the desk to let me in when I knocked. She phoned down to tell him to let in her 8:15PM appointment. I start by saying that I had ALMOST become happy on Wednesday, when I had to clear my table of the last of the trip souvenirs, but then, with only notes to catch up with, decided to play Solitaire and Taipei and even, once, Spider without recording the time spent on them, as a way of "freeing" myself to consider a "new way of being." But couldn't shake the "load on my plate," starting with 1) my urinary dribble now that I stopped taking Tamsulosin, 2) my swollen left calf at the last of my hematoma, 3) my postponed dental extraction that will leave me without a satisfactory chewing surface for about two months, 4) Elsie's relapse after her progress in rehab after her stroke in mid-October, 5) Shelley's nursing home with her two broken ankles, 6) my recommendation to Mildred to not be so hard on herself as not to take her pain pills every four hours, which resonated with MY not being so hard on MYself, 7) Carolyn's "doing anything to avoid seeing my show" by getting a TIA after talking to me from Teresa's Wednesday morning, 8) Marj's congratulating "Dr. Bob" on his recommendation to phone her friend in the hospital, which made her quite happy, and maybe other things, including 9) Paul's agreeing not to bring his usual house gifts of Champagne, but will treat me to restaurants for "rental" of my sofa-bed. Still feeling slightly sorry for myself about having to abstain from alcohol, though I did confess to the Kir Royale at the Burj al-Arab tea, and my "less than 1% alcohol" bottle of alcohol-free wine. I DID praise my show on Wednesday, sorry that she couldn't see any of it, remarked about Christina's leaving before my next show, and my "coup" of getting $75 for my November Tuesday Evening presentation. Sharon kept praising me, and we agreed that setting new boundaries for behavior, acceptable and unacceptable, was always difficult. I left just after 8:15PM, nodding to the person waiting to see her.

SATURDAY, 11/20/10: Pee at 7:01AM, thinking about, and then getting up to, check Google for "indexing jobs" and sign up for jobsonline, simplyhired, and elance by 9:40AM. [DAMN: Forgot to record that I went to see the mediocre Strauss opera "Intermezzo" without Charles on Thursday, just because I WANTED to.] Finish the Times and the puzzles during breakfast, then get to the gym to be "clean" for M.A.N. at Evolve on E. 56th Street, a perfectly awful crowd, making me AGAIN think I won't join next year. Get there at 3:45 and leave about 5:30PM. Want to start a new card for Taipei and Solitaire times, so I play Taipei from 7:30-7:50PM, followed by Solitaire from 11:30PM to 12:40AM. Get to bed at 12:45AM.

SUNDAY, 11/21/10: Pee at 5:16AM and 7:42AM and get up at 8:45AM. Read Times, then immediately go to Taipei 10:50-11:20AM, followed by Solitaire 11:20-12:30PM. Have a quick lunch and leave at 12:55PM to meet Spartacus for the subway and bus to Signature Theater way west on 42nd Street for the two parts of "Angels in America" in a dynamite production, with THREE nude scenes, even a fourth of woman's toplessness, the time passing quickly with an interlude of dinner at Daisy May's, not as good as the first time, with too much food that gets too cold too quickly. Home and straight to bed at 12:30AM.

MONDAY, 11/22/10: Pee at 4AM and 5:50AM and 8:53AM when I get up. Hassle Verizon with a mysterious "Bing" page instead of my Verizon page to 11AM, and then endlessly talk with Marj to 12:40PM! Play Taipei, compulsively, just to fill out card and avoid typing other notes, from 12:40-2:05PM, winning many, and then play Solitaire 2:05-3PM, I say, but I played before and after talking to Spartacus until 4PM. Down for the mail, skimming the new New York Magazine while having salmon HH lunch until about 4:45, when I'm DETERMINED to get back to typing notes, starting to print old NK pages, and sorting out the "bed notes" with great difficulty, and finish proofing the dates of DUBAI, finding that I'd mistyped TWO of them, then binding the pages and putting them on top of the bookcase. Get back, hot in the overheated apartment with the radiators off, to adding this note at 6PM, and continuing with the job I've set for myself of CLEARING MY DESK! Make a lot of progress to 8PM, but only end up at 11/14. Watch the 4th episode of TCM's "Movies and Moguls" series, not quite over by 9PM, when I turn to "Lennonyc" on Channel 13, that goes to 11PM, when I return to catching this up to date, leaving the TV on so I'll see the ending just before midnight. Do that, then return to finish at 12:45AM printing the last of the SEVEN DH pages and TWELVE NK pages: NINETEEN IN ALL!! Bed 12:57AM.

TUESDAY, 11/23/10: Pee at 5:08AM; type dream to 5:17AM and pee again at 5:18AM. Up at 8:55AM. After breakfast, I decide to calculate the Dubai expenses since I have to square my Visa account. Go through all the figures and, by coincidence, Ken owes me $110 which he can give me in the form of the fixed-price Thanksgiving dinner at Gotham on Thrusday! File away all the Visa slips from my desk and make a pile of things yet to be processed before having the last of the HH potato salad and a peanut bar before leaving at 1:50PM to meet Charles at 2:40PM at the Onassis Gallery for "Heroes," good exhibit to 4PM, when we go next door to Primeburger for a small burger, mine overwhelmed with bacon and a cardboard-texture cheddar cheese, ending with a tangy lemonade. Home during rush hour by 5:45PM, getting my HH box, USPS packing boxes, and a Netflix, and watch Tom Ford talking to Jeff Koons, then "King Solomon's Mines" on Nova and "End of Life" on Frontline to 10PM. Back to sort things-to-do on the coffee table into TWENTY piles, two on the desk, and get to bed at 1AM.

WEDNESDAY, 11/24/10: Pee at 4:14AM, noting dream, and pee again at 7:53AM. Then do Actualism, get up at 9:05AM to clip toenails and distribute two more weeks of pills. Breakfast while watching TV Guide's "Harry Potter" premiere, then catch up with this to 10:45AM, hurrying to get to gym before meeting Spartacus at 12:50, after half an HH lunch and another HH order. Do all that, but "Mrs. Warren's Profession" isn't really all that good, though Sherry Jones gives a good performance. Then to Jack's to watch Spartacus buy $16 worth of junk food, and I pay $1 for a $1.59 pack of vinegar-salt potato chips that I devour all at once, finishing with a donut that he bought four of for $1. Play Spider on getting home, from 6:15PM to 12:50AM (6:35!) TOTAL MADNESS, ending up at only 619 up after 2 wins. Then watch Sondheim's 80th Birthday at Lincoln Center for two hours and get to bed at 3:11AM!!

THURSDAY, 11/25/10: Pee at 9:02AM and up at 9:41AM, settling for 6.5 hours in bed. Then, putting on clothes, play Spider AGAIN [I typing this, compulsively, at 12:19PM on 11/30: Didn't record my previous HIGHEST Spider score from 11/23, playing from 6:25-7:55PM, ending at 51.4211---the ONLY win as high as 51.42!---at 624 up after 6 wins. After that it was a series of disastrous long-time totally-compulsive plays: the first on 11/24, previously noted] from 10AM-12:15PM (2:15), another miserable session ending at 51.40624 at 619 up after 4 wins. Have breakfast while watching "The Last Airbender," not that good, but with some good scenic views of imaginary civilizations, and then sit through about two hours of "Make 'Em Laugh," which I'd seen before, but I feel strangely anxious about dinner tonight, so I just want to pass the time. Catch this up by 5:54PM, ready to pee again and change clothes and get out for dinner at Gotham Bar and Grill at 6:30. Not that great, and Ken demands $31 in cash from me, leaving me low on cash. Home to watch two hours of "Jack Wrangler" from Spartacus. Bed at 11:40PM.

FRIDAY, 11/26/10: Pee at 5:05AM, try Actualism, but it doesn't work. Up at 8:15AM. Jerk off from 8:45-9:45, sort of OK. Then watch "Airplane." Then determined to catch up on the DVD that Spartacus lent me to watch "Spaceship Galactica," the commercial Branson-sponsored space-passenger ship. So I watch (again, having checked AFTERWARDS that I watched ALL the six parts in 2009) the last three hours of "India," and a few other fillers, like the "history" of "Halloween," if such trash can be considered history. Play Spider 3-4:25PM (1:25), making some little progress to 51.4126 at 622 up after 5 wins. Eat a very late lunch so that I'm ready for a meal with Ken after "Pleasure Garden" at MoMA, which I look back in my JOURNAL to find that I did NOT see: had only noted in my datebook that that was playing as part of a double feature at the Carnegie Hall Cinema, but that they wouldn't let me in for the last five minutes of it, so I hadn't seen it AT ALL. Not a very good movie, but then most of the silent Alfred Hitchcock movies I've made an effort to see haven't been very good. He doesn't want to join me at Connolly's, but since it's still there he consents to have a dessert (which he doesn't like, though I thought the chocolate cake at Connolly's was better than the tiny bit of icing-filled chocolate tart at Gotham last night) while I gorge on fish and chips, delicious except for the over-battered last piece, in which the fish had the awful tough and stringy texture of undercooked scallops. Also watch a silly cartoon "Firebreather" taped from last night, getting to bed at 1:05AM.

SATURDAY, 11/27/10: Pee at 5:55AM and up at 8:13AM. Get the Times and read most of it, with breakfast, before starting on the diagramless, deciding quite quickly that I'm not going to be able to solve it and will have to wait until next week for the solution: I just CAN'T figure how "pice" or "rgit" under the probably-right "atit" (for "working diligently") would fit into ANY of the subsequent answers, and don't really care to take more time over it. The crossword goes much more easily. Then compulsively get back to Spider (doing ANYTHING to take my mind off the increasingly oppressive thoughts of the tooth extraction Wednesday and the two-month-after trauma of being fitted for my first BRIDGE!) 12:10-1:45PM, ending better at 51.4143 at 623 up after 4 wins. Then look at e-mail, lots piling up, and mindlessly go to Solitaire from 2:05-4:05PM. Have lunch while trying to catch up on the backlog of magazines piled up since the trip: it's annoying to read articles about the "upcoming November 2 election" so long after it's HAPPENED. Probably phoned Marj sometime today, too, resisting the impulse to phone her and use her meticulous notes to find WHEN we talked. Sit with dinner surfing TV channels until I find "Star Wars, Episode 1" which I intersperse with watching two hours of "Hell" that ALSO has too-long ad-intermissions. Record the ensuing "Star Wars, Episode 2" to watch later, so I can speed through the ads: I checked to see that I ONLY saw it at its original release, since I didn't think it was very good, not really caring for the strange, uncompelling (poorly acted, I guess I'm saying---basically unconvincing) relationship between Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman that was the center of the relatively action-less movie. Then, maddeningly, back to Spider from 10:25PM to 2:45AM, finally achieving a score that lets me QUIT, at 51.41483 at 624 up after 2 wins, which I note as being "JUST better." Bed at 2:55AM---MADNESS!

SUNDAY, 11/28/10: Get Times (Beverly's is still outside her door, too) at 9:01AM and pee, hearteningly infrequent after over six hours. Up at 9:33AM and pee again. Watch "Star Wars, Episode 2," having forgotten a lot of it since the only time I saw it many years ago. Call Marj, just to give her a chance to vent, saying that I had a TERRIBLE day yesterday with Spider, but I'm DETERMINED to do better today, at least by going to the gym---and almost forgot to water the plants, having not EVEN recorded when I watered them last week! Then come across "Saving Grace," which I hadn't recorded previously, but I may have seen it as recently at 2010, and am newly astounded by the incest among members of this crazy Baekeland family, and my first encounter with the somewhat sexy but always believable Redmayne. WANT to do something productive, but am drawn to Spider from 2:30-3:25PM, ending with the highest UP at 625, but not the highest percentage at 51.41678 after 2 wins, when I HAVE to stop for lunch, deciding to re-start taking Tamsulosin since I can't STAND the urine dribbling over my fingers and smelling up the front of my jeans as it's done too many times since I stopped taking it over a week ago. Will see WHEN OR IF the dizziness starts---maybe I can try taking it EVERY OTHER DAY! Then, with maximum perversity, not even bothering to record WHEN I get back to Spider, CONTINUE with it to 5:30PM, falling damnably back to 51.40994 at 623 up after 3 wins. Tell myself I MUST get to the gym, as I'd told Marj I would, and get dressed and out in the dark to find that it CLOSED at 5PM on this last day of the Thanksgiving weekend! DOUBLE DAMN! BACK to Spider 5:45-8:40PM, ending so abysmally that I don't even record my score, and continue playing to 12:50AM, too tired to continue, disastrously ending at 51.39708 (HATE the falling back to 51.39!) at 615 up after 2 wins. Played 10:05 today, worth recording on my calendar page, and a further calculation of 26:15 hours in the last five days, for a horrible average of 5:15 PER DAY. Then did whatever I did---read or watched TV---to get me to bed at 2:54AM! JUST TOTAL WASTE OF DAY!

MONDAY, 11/29/10: Pee at 8:34AM and decide to take valium to get me out of this FUNK of dread of my tooth pulling on Wednesday. Out of bed at 11:04AM, making at least SOME progress with self-esteem by phoning Mildred, who's in a terrible state of pain, but she says she'll phone me after seeing her doctor today. Phone Shelley to get the GREAT news that her BROTHER is dropping by her apartment every three days to pick up the mail left on her table by the super of her building, pay her bills, and tend to her needs, which makes me happy not to have to supplement his devotion. She also helps by saying that "no news is good news," and I really don't have to call Leon to ask how Elsie is doing---"If something terrible happened, you'd hear about it." Talk to Spartacus about not much of anything, and watch the first part of the "Red Riding Trilogy" on my recording from last night---having checked to find that "Star Wars, Episode 3" doesn't seem to be showing any time soon. Then---wait for it---get back to Spider 4:10-6PM, recording that I got to 51.39435 at 617 up after 3 wins, which causes problems because though the "up" goes UP, the PERCENTAGE goes DOWN! I just note this with ?? in the right margin of my notecard. So, NATURALLY, I have to continue through to 8:10PM, ending with a percentage of 51.39579 at 616 up after 3 wins,noting an OK? on the right, and CONTINUING to 10:15PM to a score of 51.39751 (which is UP) after 616 up (which is DOWN) after 2 wins, which garners ANOTHER ??. What IS going ON?? Then, on a whim, check Netflix to find that "Red Riding Trilogy" parts 2 and 3 are VIEWABLE on Netflix, so I have dinner while watching part 2 to midnight and part 3 to just before 2AM. Take a second valium at 1:25AM, just to do it, and then with TOTAL perversity get BACK to Spider 2-3:10AM to 51.39478 at 618 up after 3 wins, gaining another ?? in the margin. Bed at 3:22AM.

TUESDAY, 11/30/10: Pee at 8:20AM, a nicely forceful stream, and get up at 9:54AM after only 6:32 sleep. Breakfast, and do so much that I type the following at 11:20AM: DETERMINED (for whatever future good THAT will do!) to catch up with NK so that I won't have to KEEP the November calendar page up BEFORE catching up. Not that I hadn't "resolved to do better" earlier! Starting Sunday, DETERMINED to go to the gym, only to go at 5:30PM to find that it closed early at 5PM for the Thanksgiving weekend. But, I guess, valium helps: took my first one 8:34AM Monday and the second 1:25AM Tuesday, in making things "not so important." And of course there's always the Sharon-validated fall-back of "Well, is there anything you HAVE to do that you're not doing? Then what difference does it make if you're not doing anything 'useful'?" Now that I've spun THOSE wheels, back to NK catch-up. DID, however, phone Mildred at 9:45AM to be told that things now are even WORSE for her and she's going BACK to her doctor today, and will call me when she gets back. The FIRST time I called her, her line was busy, so I phoned Charles to see if she was talking to HIM, but, when his line wasn't busy, only left him a message to phone me about seeing the Roberto Bolle pictures this week or next. Then called Marj about 11:15AM, got off the phone so that her supermarket could call her back with her order, and she returned my call about 11:25AM, talking to 12:10PM, where I filled her in on what I hadn't filled her in on since our last conversation on Sunday. Then added the 7:15 hours of Spider on Monday to my last-week's total to come up with 33:30 hours over 6 days, an average of 5:35 per day! MADNESS. But now at 1:30PM I'm ready for the 1PM ASI lunch: phoned Janet Mazefsky when I found that the "deadline" was Friday, but she said it was informal, she's not going to be there, and I can just show up. Hope I'm not LATE: have to change out of pee-smelling jeans! Get there at 2:10PM, but everyone's ordering drinks, and main courses aren't ordered until well after I arrive---and not last, either, since the table squeezes in about 15 people by the time we start eating. Talk to Eliot, at the head of the table, and Phyllis, who tells me about the "Archives Tour" next Friday at 2PM, for which I have to be a member, and she adds me to her list of ten when I promise to join today. Some interesting faces around the table, primarily the bald young man across from me who's here for the first time, and when they start talking around me, I move to the other end of the table to catch up with Peter Rooney, who actually remembers my name is Bob, and he's living with his wife in Tribeca, had come up with his own indexing system, and blurts out a "You could come see it if you'd like." I give him my card and he gives me his, with an address which is only his mailing address, and I say, "If you call me next week or so, that's fine; if not, I'll call you some time in the coming month," and he agrees that's a good way to go. Talk to the woman across from me about my trip, and she talks about some woman who wanders alone in Mongolia for months, and I leave about 3:40PM, in the rain, thinking it was an interesting-enough afternoon. Home to return the message from Charles, agreeing to try next Thursday for the Bolle photographs, and then pay $150 by Visa for a membership that expires on 12/31/11, hoping to get an e-mail from Eliot with the details of the Friday tour. Lots of mail, and I finish with this at 5:17PM, printing the last page of the month. Watch "Darjeeling Express," not that good, really NO Asiatic scenery to speak of, take a valium at 8PM with dinner, and then watch the first hour of "Barton Fink," not remembering why I found it so mysterious the first time I saw it. Change to the December calendar page and get to bed at 11:58PM.

WEDNESDAY, 12/1/10: Pee at 4:59AM and at 6:43AM I type DREAMS:12/1/10, take another valium because I'm feeling no anxiety about having my tooth pulled today, and I don't WANT to feel any anxiety about it! Watch the last hour of "Barton Fink," dress, and get out in AMAZING wind to DiMatteo at 11:15AM exactly, having planned to get there early, but the WIND delayed me. In for my injection, and she saws away at my bridge for about twenty minutes, then tackles the extraction. "I'm not used to seeing you squirm; are you in pain?" she asks. "It's rather---explicit," I explain. She injects again right between the gum and the tooth and her next words are "Close down on the gauze." "You mean it's OUT?" I exclaim. "Yes." I feel SO good. She says not to rinse or brush or sip through a straw for 24 hours, and that there may be some small pink seepage. I pick up a load of groceries and get home to watch "I'm Still Here," which DOES turn out to be a hoax by Joaquin Phoenix, made explicit in the THIRD director's commentary. Eat lunch and dinner slowly, gorging on a quart and a half of Edy's caramel ice cream with mediocre Hershey's hot fudge sauce, just to give myself a treat, still emotionally numb from all the valium. Then see that "Citizen Kane" is on, so I watch that from midnight to 1:44AM, when I go to bed.

THURSDAY, 12/2/10: 6:30AM pee and type DREAMS:12/2/10. Then pee again at 6:33AM, tamsulosin seeming to have worked for a day, but not working great now. Back to bed to relax from my ordeal yesterday and get up at 10:10AM. Shit and read and then type note at 10:42AM: Astounded to have typed DREAMS:12/2/10 at 10:35AM, after not getting up since going to bed at 1:44AM! Also, even through my earplugs, there is the deliberate sound, a half-second apart---though for a moment doubling in pace, as if TWO people were working---of LOUD hammering DIRECTLY above my room, that sounds as if it could go on FOREVER. WHAT could it POSSIBLY be?? Dream has SUCH an immediacy of "things to be done" that I review AGAIN that todays' obligation is ONLY for "Spiderman" at 8PM. And to PEE for the first time in OVER NINE HOURS! Then, since I'm not hungry, I go to Spider at 11AM and GET AN INCREDIBLE NEW HIGH by 2:55PM (starving for lunch) of 51.43192 at 635 up after 18 wins, two more than my previous record of 16 consecutive wins. Then call Marj to crow, talking to 3:48PM, then have breakfast, get a ticket from Spartacus for "A Free Man of Color" tomorrow, and get out for TWELVE cans of Progresso soup, 8 apple juices, and a quart of milk, finding that CVS has expected ME to call Dr. Sai about her not filling my prescriptions. AND I find that I HAVE fallen into the "donut hole" of HIP drug payments. Back to pick up more mail, eat part of yesterday's mostly-rotten avocado, and e-mail Suzie about her wonderful fre merlot, seeing an e-mail from Eliot (and from EFA) about an INDEX, to which I send my resume, catching up with this by 6:20PM, prepared to have "early lunch" before getting out to "Spiderman." Do that, but "Spiderman" is sold out for its third full performance before opening on January 11, and it was held up for a technical glitch its first time on Sunday. An announcement prepares us for a five-minute hold, with Spiderman giving thumbs up and jubilant pointing of fingers as his wires are untangled with Spartacus and me happy that it's taking place on OUR level, and the people who paid up to $150 for the REGULAR tickets (let alone the $285 for premium seats) in the "Flying Circle" below our Balcony, and in the Orchestra, can't see what's going on at OUR level. Scenery is spectacular, and I'm glad I've seen it, but the show just DIES at each mediocre song, and there's NO chemistry among the cast members. It ends at 11:01PM, I "dine" on the last of the cottage cheese, a yogurt, and an orange jello, finishing a couple more magazines, and get to bed at 1:14AM.

FRIDAY 12/3/10: 6:10AM pee and type dream, realizing now at 1:53PM that I've COMPLETELY messed up the journal for the past few days: it was TODAY, not yesterday, that I peed again at 6:33AM after typing dream, and then got up at 10:10AM, feeling almost over-slept. Sort out the food in the fridge, have breakfast while finishing another magazine, clear up the mess on the living room floor, and into the bedroom to put the plastic cover over the bedroom air conditioner and then put the (now satisfactorily stretched) white quilt over the whole thing, but still need the laprobe over my legs against the cold cascading off the full-length window. Get rid of lots of cards from the coffee table by loading them onto the website pile, or throwing them away, or, in the case of Shelley, simply transposing her telephone number into my address book. Pay Thirteen membership and DiMatteo's bill, first by check, then tearing it up and putting it onto my Visa, where the $250 bill will make me $5. Call Marjorie Grimm, who mistakenly put NOVEMBER 18, 2011, for my program at the Tuesday Evening Club, when it's really OCTOBER 18. I write my bio line: "Bob Zolnerzak - Nuclear Physicist, IBM Systems Analyst, Indexer, Traveler" and count the letters to find that it fits into the space. Already have THREE Christmas cards to reply to. Now at 2PM I've GOT to go to the gym! But I count that I'm down to FOURTEEN piles, which now INCLUDES the proofing for Marj. Gym, then half a HH lunch of tuna salad, then to Sharon's at the dot of 4PM. Out exactly at 4:45PM, back to talk to Charles, put in a request with Saga Tours for a partner for their Whirlwind tour in 2011, and check progress in Zolnerzone. Start the session note at 6:30PM. Then out to "A Free Man of Color," which Spartacus insisted I see when he sees it a second time "because it's so dense." Not bad: plotwise better than "Spiderman," actually, but much of the dialog is missed from our balcony seats, to which we moved from the extreme side of the orchestra, a wise move prompted by Spartacus's saying we'd better enjoy the scenes deep within the proscenium, which was certainly true. But not that great a play, and they didn't even sell brownies: I had to settle for rather dry chocolate cake for $4. Home to have something to eat, maybe watch TV, maybe play some unrecorded game, because I got to bed at 1:25AM.

SHARON B. 157 12/3/10

Walk in door at 4PM as she's walking out of office to call me in. "Perfect timing," we agree. I START with the non-joke that we're trying to get rid of each other by constant re-scheduling, but she seems sincerely sad that I might even JOKE about such a thing, and we agree we want to continue. I say that I'd hoped to be able to say, in the shower at the gym today, that I couldn't feel any aftermath of my hematoma, but sadly it was still present. But Shelley has made it clear she's self-sufficient with her brother's help; Mildred has been kindly talking about her pain and second-opinion doctor; Marj is having problems which means I don't have to worry about paying her; Tris hasn't been billing me, which may mean he's working on his own expertise OR I'll be getting a humongous bill soon. Fill her in on "Spiderman," my hours and hours on Spider (no coincidence?) and then my dream, connecting yellow water with urine, after telling her of my re-uptake of Tamsulosin; and the "souvenirs on the island" with my fantasies of finishing reorganizing my apartment with MY souvenirs. Also praise my idea of contacting Saga Tours and telling them I'd LOVE for them to find me a partner or group for the Whirlwind Tour. Feel better with fewer things on my plate, but she rather strongly suggests that I should phone Dr. Sai to MAKE SURE she doesn't want me to renew her prescriptions, rather than leaving it to chance. I insist it feels so much better to feel better, praising Spartacus for sharing his theater wishes with me, even thanking Ken for inviting me on a trip I couldn't possibly join him on. Mostly positive session, and there are still three Wednesdays left for us before Christmas. Leave exactly at 4:45PM, feeling good about the session.

SATURDAY, 12/4/10: Note DREAMS:12/4/10. Pee at 6:22AM and at 9:20AM. Go through the Times, finding the solution to the diagramless puzzle I couldn't do: had put "tight" rather than "taut", coming up with "pice" rather than "pace," of which there are---remotely---20 in a traditional duel; never would have guessed "proam" for a type of golf tourney. Today's puzzles easier, finishing in time to get out to meet Carolyn at Henry Public for an interesting-enough brunch of millet-based castiron goody while Carolyn, damn her, enjoys an alcoholic drink. But I'm a cheap enough date, and she even forgives me for not calling her back when she wanted to ask me for a loan, saying she KNOWS I'm not poor, just cheap. Back home to decide to get rid of the watchable-at-home Netflix movie-list---the LEAST important list, naturally, and watch the enjoyable "The Proposal" which a VERY nice body on the leading man, and how could Sandra Bullock NOT help fall in love with this PERFECT speciman! "The Animatrix" isn't so great, not noticeably connected to the Matrix series of movies, just mediocre anime. Then watch "Sherlock Holmes" on HD, more effective than on the small airlines screen on which I seem to have forgotten much of the plot, and follow it with National Geographics rather shocking documentary of chimpanzees killing rivals and eating their flesh. Nice to add to my Uganda photo narration. That keeps me up until 2:05AM.

SUNDAY, 12/5/10: Note DREAMS:12/5/10 at 3:54AM and pee. Up at 9:23AM, mind full, so I write a note to record what I want to do: 1) Xmas letter details, 2) Desktop-computer storage clear, 3) Website anniversary memo, 4) Arnold/Charles/Shopsin's?, 5) Mildred?, 6) Journal update, 7) Paul's restaurants, since he called to say he'll be here from 12/17-25! DAMN him it's long! 8) New Zagat's?, 9) Schwab a) get cash and b) invest cash. Do the Times quickly and check in with Mildred, who is still happy to get my call, by 10:20AM, but sadly that's the only thing I do today since I immediately go to Netflix to watch "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo," rather strange, and then go out to a GOOD brunch just after noon at Kingswood, lovely sitting in the back next to a table of five who each choose a different breakfast choice for me to judge while trying their good burger with equally good fries, while looking out contentedly at the small park in the triangle between Greenwich, 6th Avenue, and 10th Street. It feels GOOD to do it! Then back to Netflix to watch "In Search of Beethoven," much ado about his deafness, good musical interludes in Baroque spaces, and a Japanese "Metropolis," distinguished by its Japanese transliteration of "Metoroporisu," but not much else, really more of a ripoff than anything. Then, not tired enough, maybe digesting a late dinner, I play Taipei 11:20PM-12:15AM, then Solitaire 12:15-1:05AM, getting to bed at 1:30AM.

MONDAY, 12/6/10: Note 9:20AM DREAMS:12/6/10. Surf television while having breakfast and watch "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," understanding more of it the second time, and then determine to see the new Potter film, so I tear apart the newspapers and magazines but find NO ads for where the movie's playing. Has it GONE already? Phone Spartacus and he looks at Moviephone on the Internet and sees that it's playing at 4:10PM at the Court Street multiplex. So I watch the multiplex "roller coaster" for the first time, then six previews, and then "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1," not really much of ANYTHING: the best is the surround-sound in the real theater, which was empty when I got in at 4:08 for $9, but added about 20 people by the time the film started at 4:28PM. Out to phone Shorty's to hear they're open every day, so I go there to find that it's closed for a private party! Luckily I brought along the address for Keste and walk there and have a GOOD Ortolano pizza with a kind of interesting clientele and waitstaff. Back to play Taipei 10:15-11:15PM, winning many, and probably an unrecorded Solitaire---I really don't CARE any more!---from 11:15PM to 12:50AM when I go to bed.

TUESDAY, 12/7/10: Note DREAMS:12/7/10 at 2:25AM. Pee. Get up at 6:02-6:25AM to jerk off, and check to see that I jerked off YESTERDAY, without really cuming, so I did it again TODAY just to get SOME ejaculate, and got back to bed at 6:38AM. Up at 7:55AM and have an early breakfast while watching "Aerial Connecticut and Rhode Island and Canada," not really that great: Canada is ONLY the US-border towns, not going into the north at ALL, which WOULD be spectacular. Then meet Spartacus to get to Shopsin's at 10:50AM to find that they're now only open from WEDNESDAY (for the past month, I find from Mr. Shopsin when he arrives to order food), so when Charles meets us at 11:08AM we wander through the Essex Street Market, Spartacus goes somewhere else for Indian food, and Charles and I walk across Prince, getting cold and tired, to Shorty's.32, which thankfully has a good lunch: chicken for Charles and a hamburger with EXCELLENT fries for me. Home to play Taipei 2:50-4:05PM, then FORCE myself to type my Christmas letter, actually putting in 21 names and making the 21 letters. Then watch the Netflix DVD of "Sorcerer's Apprentice" with a hammy Nicholas Cage and a goony every-kid for the apprentice. Minimal homage to the Disney original, almost useless director's comments. Do a FINANCES sheet so I know where I'm AT! Finish the day with Solitaire 11:15PM-12:30AM, getting to bed at 12:42AM.

WEDNESDAY, 12/8/10: Pee at 5:05AM. Up at 10:33AM to Piri's phone call about Sunday's Games Group. Late breakfast and determined to make a DID list: finishing breakfast at 12:05PM, calling about getting a Zagat's Restaurant Guide sent by 12:10PM, make a Dr. Sai appointment (did NOT realize I should have had a follow-up appointment in September!) for 12/20 by 12:25PM, and get into the Personal/Medical files and decide to file Souvenirs, interfiling all the cards from three or four years to great satisfaction by 1:55PM. Mail Rita's card on the way to the gym, have a quick lunch, and get to Sharon at 4:42PM. Back to watch the Berlin Opera's "Nutcracker," annoyed by ads that cut off the dancers' feet! Bed at 11:36PM.

SHARON B. 158 12/8/10

Get there a few minutes early, but she has no one in her office and invites me in a minute or so early. Start with my enormous breakthrough: actually CROSSED OFF WITHOUT EATING AT two restaurants on my "sacrosanct" restaurant list. We both praised my tiny liberation. Also mentioned that I had a GREAT dream this morning, just for her, but the phone rang, then I had breakfast, then the phone rang again, and I went to the gym, and came here, so I've totally forgotten the dream. She forgives me, saying we'll find enough to talk about anyway. I talk about treating myself to the Harry Potter movie as a good thing, but eating whole bags of licorice with two Mars bars as NOT good things. Referred back to John's statement: "If I have it in the house, I'll eat it," but I'm still trying to push my boundaries on that---some ice cream even lasted two days. Said that I enjoyed it, but NOT the hours and hours on Spider, which really WAS annoying me. "What would you be doing instead," she asked something like. I thought hard and said, after many tries: "I fear that at the moment of my death I'll find myself saying that I should have done MORE of what I SHOULD have done instead of what I WANTED to do." Then I had the realization that it was like the dream I had this morning: I SHOULD have noted it down so that I could bring it in to talk about it, but I didn't, so now I REGRET that I didn't do what I SHOULD have done. At a number of points through my connections she praised me, as if I'd done exactly what I needed to do to realize what it meant, how it affected me---with the central point being that I'm adjusting my balance between what I WANT to do and what I SHOULD do, and I'm fearing that I'm going too far in eating too much candy, playing too much Spider, even though that might be balanced in part by crossing off restaurants from my list and treating myself to a movie even though it wasn't the greatest. Also complained about the fatigue I felt just walking between Essex and MacDougal after not having lunch at Shopsin's. At some point Spartacus comes in for a lot of praise: though he's a pain, he does do many good things for me. I kept talking, thinking, getting agreement from Sharon, and it became 5:30 and I left, saying I'd be back next week. Not the greatest session.

THURSDAY, 12/9/10: Note DREAMS:12/9/10 at 4:44AM, then pee. Up at 8:40AM and jerk off to 9:40. Charles calls to say he can't go to the Bolle photographs today; he'll call me on Saturday. I watch the end of a tacky Freddie Bartholomew "Lord Jim," calling Spartacus back when he calls just before the end of the film. He tells me that Procao Rio restaurant is closed, so while I'm looking back at the restaurant list I decide to go to the fourth-last, Relais de Venise, on my list, getting there about 12:30PM, surprised that they have a fixed menu of a good salad and steak with fries, both of which can be refilled, but the price of $29.95 for the fixed dinner is rather high. Almost good profiterolles at the end, but $40.56 is a too-pricy lunch, though I'm tempted to offer Paul part of my 20% discount on our next lunch there. Home to be unable to resist trying Spider, playing from 3:05-8:50PM, cursing all the bad lays of cards, and stop without taking score because I want to watch "Invictus" on HBO in HD, just as stereotyped as I figured it would be, with hardly any flesh to speak of. Then watch the 1989 Bolshoi "Nutcracker" on Ovation, this version blessedly free of the terrible foot-obscuring ads, and the audience goes just wild over whatever Mukhamedov does; and the ballerina is rather left in his dust. Then, determined, I BACK to Spider from 11:55PM-3:30AM, just cutting off after 0 wins at 51.41828 at 630 up, just an awful day of 9:20 on the stupid game! Bed at 3:35AM!

FRIDAY, 12/10/10: Note DREAMS:12/10/10 at 6:45AM, getting a chill after I pee. Shit at 9:10AM and get up at 11:07AM, really indulging myself. Just about all I can do is have breakfast, print and seal and mail the four overseas Christmas cards, and get out for the 2PM tour of the New York City Archives with an ASI group. We start at 2:08, mainly in Room 103, which is open to the public five days a week, and then go downstairs in the elevator because Leonora, our guide, hates the slipperiness of the marble stairways. Lots of large rooms with people working, and racks and racks of cardboard boxes with pencil descriptions directly on the sides since she said they couldn't find any labels that didn't eventually dry out and fall off. Leave about 4:30, back for the mail, still not getting much done, and play another disastrous Spider from 6:55-8PM to 51.4152 at 629 up after 3 wins, and get off to watch the Bejart "Nutcracker" that I tried to get Ken to watch, after refusing to pay $30 for an hour with the New York Times talks with Sofia Coppola that a friend of his bought the ticket for and then couldn't attend. I was willing to go if it was free, but not worth $35, to Ken's disappointment. Really don't care for the two transvestites in prominent display---they're just not SEXY, as was the Devil and some of the black-caped, white-banded sock chorus dancers. Even the twink who played the young Bejart had a nice body when he wasn't molesting his mother. Back to the goddammed Spider 10:30PM-1:35AM, ending at 51.4224 at 633 up after 9 wins, at least showing PROGRESS. Bed at 2:02AM.

SATURDAY, 12/11/10: Note DREAMS:12/11/10 after peeing at 8:13AM. Up at 9:04AM, go through the Times and do the puzzles until just after noon, Charles having called at 10:30AM, asking that we go to the photos as late as possible, and is overjoyed when I suggest meeting at 4:30PM. That gives me a chance to go to the gym, and get back to FINALLY get to journals and dreams, printing out many pages, but STILL only get up through Thursday by the time I have to quit at 3:47PM to get to 548 West 22nd Street by two subways, all caught right as I enter the platform, and a bus, boarding after a load of people board at 7th Avenue and 23rd Street, getting to the 4th floor to find Charles not there yet, and I look for him in the john, but he was the wrong old man. [Forgot to move this note up before I printed the previous page: just obsessive-compulsive truth-telling: 2:28PM: Can't BELIEVE I'm OVER A WEEK BEHIND in this crazy journal! KNEW I had to get to it, but I watched movies, played Spider, went to restaurants, delayed it from day to day, until today it just HAS to be done. At least I finished describing Sharon's Wednesday session by Friday!] Sit and read until Charles pants up the three flights of stairs and has to sit down to recover while I look through the Decor Magazine while I sit on the stairs. Then the disappointing photos, which all turn into very-slowly-moving (this is by Robert Wilson, after all) videos of various elements of Roberto Bolle's beautiful body, ugly foot, and too-cutsey grins over a black-and-white striped bowtie. Leave about 5:15PM to get to Txikito at 9th and 25th, taking a foie gras and a mushroom appetizer, then a hunk of good suckling pig overpriced at $32, then Charles orders the Crab Txangurro and I have the Lengua, tongue, which he said was prepared like a veal scallopine, but it wasn't really, and again it wasn't really worth $16. Charles has two ginger ales, the only reasonably priced items at $3 each, and the total bill is $99.07, of which Charles pays $58.30 because I don't have the proper change for his half of what ends up to be a $116 visa bill for me. We both agree we won't go back THERE again, but I'm down to the last TWO restaurants on my list!! And, at that, one of them is from 2010, which my new list will have lots more of; so only Shopsin's is the holdout, and I'll probably go next week. Home to watch "Le Trou," not that great, about a hole under a Paris prison from a 1960 movie, and then, to finish more popcorn that I can't stop eating from Carolyn's tin, watch the end of "Topkapi," and then return---surprise!---to Spider from 11:12PM-1:30AM, managing to do worse, but not wanting to continue, to 51.41471 at 630 up after 3 wins. Bed at 1:58AM.

SUNDAY, 12/12/10: Note DREAMS:12/12/10 at 9:05AM. Then try to do Actualism, but nap during it and get up at 11:20AM, just time to wash my face, have breakfast, look at some of the Times, and leave at 12:45PM in the foggy afternoon to catch two subways and a bus to Piri's at almost exactly 2PM, where Piri and I and Diane and Mark and Alexandra start Boggle, Barbara joining after the first game and still getting a good score after the round of six of us. Then we play Charades VERY successfully, our team winning, many of the harder ones going to over five minutes, Piri having the fastest time of 2:55. Leave at 6PM and get home at 7PM to go through the Times, page through the Decor Magazine for essentially nothing, and then determined to catch up with the dreams and this notebook, typing all the notes and discarding them, printing all the possible pages, and cleaning off my desk to 8:40PM, planning to spend the time between now and HBO (and dinner) at 9PM with seeing how many of the 27 of 388 "Four Bone Movies" from Ken's movie book (that I noted around noon today) are available on Netflix. It turns out that 7 are not listed, I add 3 to my list, 5 are only Saves, 9 more CAN be added but aren't added to my list yet, and 3 are actually available for play---and I remind myself that I should check the list with Spartacus to see which HE might be able to lend me. Finish that at 8:54PM, in time to heat my pork, green beans, potatoes, and tomato HH dinner before watching Carrie Fisher (who was NOT who I'd seen narrating her one-person "growing up" show---which was one of the Redgraves, Lynn?) in her "Wishful Drinking" show, which is quickly made clear I haven't seen before, with her jokes to the audience, her pinup board of marriages and VERY handsome Liz Taylor grandsons, and her jibes about her not-very-nice mother Debbie Reynolds, who she lives next door to, and her multi-married and face-lifted father, Eddie Fisher, who dies three weeks or months after she finishes this film of her stage program. Then at 10:15PM tune in to the end of "Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skulls" so that I can finish biting my tongue while finishing the last of the caramel-corn present from Carolyn in the huge tin I transport to the trash room during one of the intermissions in the RESTART of the movie about 11PM. Bed at 12:48AM.

MONDAY, 12/13/10: Wake at 8:44AM with the sequence of DREAMS:12/13/10 after peeing, getting a Palgon-postponing call at 9:10AM, printing two more pages, and finishing this at 9:24AM, pleased to be caught up, AND with the first lengthy dream since Friday, 12/3. Talk VERY nicely to Mildred, recommending she ask her shrink for valium rather than this new anti-depressant that takes four weeks to become effective, getting her to agree that she IS making progress, citing my biting my tongue and apprehension about a bridge as MY to-be-looked-forward-to improvements as SHE can look forward to HER improvements. This goes to 9:40AM, already having done a lot today. THEN remember I wanted to buy stock, so I phone her back, buy 1500 POM for Keogh for $27,000 and 500 VZ for IRA for $17,000, and 2000 POM for HER (over $1 million) account, and she feels good for having done it, as do I. Finish THAT at 10:05AM! Play Spider 10:30AM-1:50PM, ending at 51.42036 at 633 up after 4 wins: GOOD, but LONG! Over to Spartacus's, noting that the sky is very cloudy, so there'll be no watching of the Geminid meteor shower tonight. Back hungry for lunch. Back to Spider 3:50-6:15PM, doing something noted in (with some kind of phone work, which I can't interpret) addition, ending at 51.43074 at 638 up after 8 wins, noting that it's not the high SCORE yet. Maybe look through the mail, to spend time before going back to play Taipei 7:25-7:55PM. Have dinner while watching episodes 7-11 of "Dexter," but too tired to watch the last chapter, and anyway I want to record one of the ballets at 2AM. Bed at 2:12AM.

TUESDAY, 12/14/10: Pee at 3:54AM and at 5:24AM and at 8:07AM, type DREAMS:12/14/10, and get up, reluctantly, at 9:08AM. Do a long, about thirty minutes, e-rewards survey on finances. 10:32AM: FRUSTRATION! Watch "Dexter," episode 12, the final one, and phone Spartacus to talk about it, and get that crazy "Navox" answering service---try it twice with my instant-dial button, and again by dialing the number direct, and still get "Navox." Call 411 and get a Verizon operator, who calls the number and gets Spartacus. I try to explain that I get Navox once every couple of months, and she asks, "Is your friend concerned about this?" I finally blurt out, "You're no help at all," hang up on her, and call the number again to get Spartacus, who's on the phone and says he'll call me back in a few minutes. I tell him that his being on the phone is probably part of the number. But how can Navox still answer some phone machine by saying that ITS number is 718-522-6146? And Verizon doesn't seem about to tell me. Spartacus hasn't called back by 10:37AM, so I revert to Solitaire until he does. Or Carolyn calls back in reference to my calling her and leaving word this morning asking what time her son will pick me up on Saturday for her sister's wedding in New Jersey! Some time yesterday and today I printed the fifteen Christmas pages to go with cards, and the five cards that go out without pages. One MAJOR task finally completed just about in the nick of time. Play Spider 7:40-10:10PM (fabulous, but too LONG!) to an all-time high of 51.43651 at 641 up after 8 wins. Watch "Nutcracker" with the Royal Ballet from 2009, and then with the Monte Carlo Ballet, in the form of a circus, which really doesn't work, from 2002, and watch the end of "A Matter of Time," [which, when I finish this page over three weeks later, I can't remember ONE THING about]. Bed at 1:13AM.

WEDNESDAY, 12/15/10: Pee at 5:48AM, note a dream of putting on my wrinkled blue light jacket to bid on an index for more than $1/page or line with a VERY cold manager. [See that I already printed DREAMS beyond this, so---big deal!] Up at 9:12AM. Play Solitaire 9:55-10:55AM. Out to meet Spartacus for "Break of Noon" with David Duchovny as someone "to whom God talked," and he becomes a preacher and, in a great stage effect, LEVITATES at the end of the show, indicating that "it really happened." I like it a lot, but it got only mediocre reviews. It ends at 3:50, giving me lots of time to get to Sharon at 4:45. Call for Spartacus to come over, and drag him down to the Cadman Christmas Party at 7:30PM, when it's already overcrowded, loud with kids, with a VERY long line for the generous supplies of hot foods for dinner, but I'd eaten a whole bag of crunchies while watching "The Kids Are All Right," and don't have much of an appetite except for chocolates, some cheese, and some fruit. Depressing to have the food on offer and not want to be with the PEOPLE at all. He leaves just before I do, and come back to the apartment. Some time during the day I went to his place (or he gave me) about 6 DVDs with movies from the "Four Bones" list that I want to watch. Bed at 12:40AM.

SHARON B. 159 12/15/10

In with my dream-page, and start talking about the white rats in the field. "What do you think of when you think of rats?" "Well, WHITE rats are used as laboratory subjects," and I go off an a life-summary which starts with my talk with Charles about "therapy-induced memories" that may be true or false, going in detail into my "past-life regressions" to allay my fear of flying with Roger Woolger, the Italian earthquake woman, the American old woman dying of old age and starvation, and finally the Japanese aircraft-carrier-based pilot. Go on to my LSD sessions and mention the aftermath with my father and mother (which leads her to say she hadn't realized I'd done so much work with my parents in the past), remind her of my "experiments" with est, Actualizations, and Actualism, which still benefit me, and then go on to point of parallels with my "looking for death" in LSD to allay my fears of death, and my current working on the idea of "accepting" death, as Mildred brought up, describing my "panic" this morning that led me to concoct the idea of my "terminal 2012 single trip" that would encompass all places in the world (Hue, Huelin, Ajanta and Ellora, Milan) that would satisfy my requirements for the trip that would leave me ONLY in NYC for website and apartment organization of entertainment-absorption, my repeated purpose of life. "Imagine where that got from starting with white rats," I said, verifying MY existence as a white rat in the lab experiment of my own life, talking constantly, with her praises of my determination and energy and activity, of my real life-summary session. Started with apologizing for forgetting my Christmas letter, promising it for the next pre-Christmas session, letting her have my dream page for the rest of the jottings, and seeing before typing this that my dream 12/18/10 would be on the page I would take printed out to her in my NEXT session, along with the Christmas letter.

THURSDAY, 12/16/10: Pee at 8AM, a whole 7:20 after I went to bed! At 8:42AM I note my day-plan: 1) Add neck pain to Chin's appointment. 2) Make a LATE call to Rita for her birthday! 3) Ask Steve if he wants to join me in West Africa. 4) Note Ken's gorilla CD, but I don't do that until 12/24! 5) Mark out 2012 RTW "final blast" trip---which I haven't done as of 12/28! 6) Call for Koons appointment, finding that we can just walk in, but they say they'll be open on Thursday, 12/23, but they're not. 7) Make a Paul do-list, which comes in very handy during his trip. 8) Write up Sharon's session. 9) Calculate the cash I need from my Keogh. 10) Try Actualism, but "my mind is filled" by 9:07AM and I just get up to DO things. 10) [These following added through the day, as I did them or noted them] Talk to Mildred 9:30-10:13 about the differences between valium and prozac. 11) Not listed. 12) Ken coming to Alto, talked 10:13-10:15AM. 13) Leave word with Fred at 10:17AM. 14) Shelley doesn't answer at 10:18AM. 15) Call Rita at 10:20, but she tells Denny to tell me she "can't talk now." 16) Talk to Steve Hayes about his automobile photographs in the Times of 12/4 to 11:21AM. 17) Reserve a spot for MAN on 12/19---which they never get because I called too late. 18) Talk to Shelley to 11:40AM. 19) Make a Chin appointment to 11:46AM. 20) Talk to Spartacus about all that I'm doing until 12:26PM. 21) Have breakfast to 1:15PM. 22) Talk to Marj to 2:37PM! Spend most of the day watching movies: "Fish Tank," which Spartacus recommended, and which I have trouble remembering anything about, except that it stars a Fassbinder who is NOT a relative of the director, and two movies on DVDs that Spartacus left me: "Old Boy," which I'm sure I saw before, with the incredible Japanese tall body, but which I haven't on my lists, so I either missed recording that I saw it, or I saw it earlier in 2010; and "The Outlaw Josey Wales," which I can't imagine anyone voting as one of the best couple-hundred pictures of all time. Probably also made a lot of reservations for Paul's restaurants next week, amazed that I could get the times and dates I wanted: recession must be hard on expensive places! Play Spider 8:30-9:55PM to 51.43599 at 641 up (same as before) after 3 wins, noting "tired." Play Solitaire 9:55-11:45PM. Watched movies and TV into the night. Bed at 1:20AM. Take a valium so I won't fret about Paul's arrival today.

FRIDAY, 12/17/10: Shit at 8:30AM. Had done lots of preparation for Paul's visit yesterday, and do the rest of it today, not really CARING how the place looks, but at least the toilet should be clean. Play Spider 12:22-4:45PM and again 9:20PM-12:15AM, with TERRIBLE luck, noting "desperate," finally ending at 51.42791 at 636 up after 3 wins, noting "Paul's to blame." He phones from the taxi about 6PM and arrives about 7PM, saying he wants to go to dinner and bed early, so we go out to Jack the Horse, surprisingly crowded, but we get to sit at the bar and have decent hamburgers for about $40, the first of many restaurants that he's agreed he'll pay for since he's staying for NINE days. He goes to bed about 10PM and I'm in bed at 12:25AM.

SATURDAY, 12/18/10: 7:54AM: Got up at 7:33, peed, got the Times for Paul, who apologized for any noise he may have made showering which I didn't hear; typed up DREAMS:12/18/10, then caught up with Sharon's session, and now make this note to show how my morning starts, having taken a second valium to ease my way through Carolyn's sister's wedding and Paul's extended visit. To breakfast in bathrobe at 7:56AM. Carolyn phones from downstairs about 8:55PM, when I'm just about ready, and we drive about two and a half hours to get to a New Jersey neighborhood with snow on the ground, and in for many relatives gathering for the wedding. I sit in a chair and watch everyone interacting. Drive to the church, and find that my camera says the batteries are dead. The wedding goes without a hitch until the bride slips sideways in the aisle, afterwards, and turns out to dislocate a shoulder, or was it broke a clavicle? Then to Kunkel's for a decent lunch, seated with Carolyn's oldest sister and her husband and Carolyn. Then a long drive back, Carolyn missing the start of her 6PM meeting, we have to stop at her apartment for Tris (the son) to leave things off, and he drops me at my building at 6:30PM. Paul's been out all day. I get seven phone messages: 1) 12:01PM from Paul with 334 W. 46th Street party at O'Flaherty's tonight at 8PM, 2) Edgardo leaves tomorrow for Eduardo in San Francisco, 3) Marj gets PAID by Girl Scouts, 4) Paul McLean phones to say he liked my letter but is sending none of his own this year, 5) Le Bernardin calls to confirm my reservation Tuesday at 2PM, 6) Paul at 6:50 checking to see if I'm back yet, and then 7) I pick up the phone when he calls at 7:29PM. Leave for O'Flaherty's and sit in the noise of a terrible combo, then have the same food as last year: Shepherd's pie and pasta, but only tonic while Paul has two beers. We're both amazed at the astonishingly short long-sword swallower. Leave in the cold and home to end the evening alone in our rooms. Bed 1:16AM.

SUNDAY, 12/19/10: Pee at 2:47AM and at 3:46AM and at 5:45AM. Up at 8AM to see Paul leave and get the Times, and back to bed to get up at 9:58AM. Read part of both Times. I watch "How to Train Your Dragon" twice. He joins me at MAN at the Center about 3PM, and it's a somewhat better group, and the place is VERY nicely decorated, but the hot food gives out quickly and it's not the best. Paul has wine, I have soda. Entertainment is mostly awful, and we leave about 5:30. Watch "Cirque du Freak: Vampire." I'm tiring of Paul already. At 11:30PM I make the week's calendar for both of us and take another valium. I'd started with a tentative list before he arrived (with Zagat food ratings): 1) Corton (27), 2) Alto (26), 3) Le Bernardin lunch (29, ONLY one that high), 4) Cru? (26), 5) La Grenouille (28), 6) Torrisi (27), 7) Porcao Churrascaria, which turns out to have closed, so the new 7) Relais de Venise 20% discount? Keep delaying making reservations, fearing they might be booked, but I called them all on Friday, maybe, and had no trouble setting up the basic framework: Monday, 12/20 Corton at 6:30, including Ken; Tuesday, 12/21 Le Bernardin at 2PM, including Mildred; Wednesday, 12/22 Shopsin's for lunch?; Thursday, 12/23 La Grenouille 2PM, including Charles; and Friday, 12/24 Alto at 2PM, including Ken and Mildred. Steve would have joined us at Shopsin's on Friday, but Alto pre-empted it. Also included my appointments on the calendar for his information. Bed at 11:55PM.

MONDAY, 12/20/10: Up at 8:34AM!! See Dr. Sai at noon for MEDICAL:12/20/10, and in walking back on Atlantic Avenue decide to have lunch at Dallas Jones BBQ for a great pulled-pork lunch with sides for only $9, for which they won't accept a credit card. Spider 4:30-6PM, noted "a mess," and 10:25PM-12:02AM, redeeming it somewhat at 51.42869 at 640 up after 6 wins, noted "almost." Paul is late for Corton at 6:30, but the tasting menu is fabulous for $155, which means he paid something like $178 for me WITHOUT wine, while Ken rather pushed the wine pairing that turned out to cost $120, with Paul ending by saying he wished he hadn't ordered it, because it was mixing too many kinds of wine which would give him a headache. Home to Spider and bed at 12:12AM.

TUESDAY, 12/21/10: Pee at 2:24AM and suffer some reflux from the huge dinner at Corton. Up at 9:06AM. Last to Le Bernardin, Paul and Mildred and Charles already there, and the $55 lunch is VERY disappointing: I picked the wrong appetizer of octopus just to be different from Mildred, who ordered the shrimp I'd wanted, but then complained about the portion being too small. Then my [had to GOOGLE the name] monkfish isn't the desired texture of nuggety lobster, but the stringy, grainy texture of SKATE, which I don't care for at all. The desserts aren't bad, but by that time Mildred made a spectacle of herself saying that she had to leave for her 4:05PM therapist's appointment and had to take her dessert with her! Charles didn't mind his food, and Paul went along with it OK, but I was VERY disappointed with, I kept repeating, the food at this BEST-RATED RESTAURANT IN NEW YORK! Spider 4:40-7:15PM, LONG, ending at 51.42474 at 639 up after 5 wins, OK. Watch "The Burmese Harp" with Paul here for the last hour. Bed at 12:15AM.

WEDNESDAY, 12/22/10: Pee at 3AM. Type DREAMS:12/22/10 at 5:05AM. Up at 8:30AM. Palgon's appointment this morning was changed to 12/27, I called to cancel Sharon so that we could spend as much time as we wanted at Steve's. We travel to town for brunch at Shopsin's, quite wonderful for a "Big Breakfast" and an interesting crowd. I went to DiMatteo at 1:30 to find that my gum hasn't healed enough from the extraction to start the measurements for the bridge, so I made another appointment for 1/12 [which almost got buried on my coffee table until I sifted through it for relevant material on 1/10!]. Got to Steve's at 2:30 for his train set-up and his friend's trains, and finally Steve's supernal hot-fudge sundae. Back wanting something little for dinner, and we're first on line at Grimaldi's Pizza at 5PM, having an OK pizza in the crowd, which actually got lighter by 5:30. Paul went into town while I sat home watching "Abe Lincoln in Illinois" and "Small Change" on Spartacus's DVDs. Spider was so awful I just recorded that I ended at 631 up, too depressed to record time or average. Bed at 11:20PM.

THURSDAY, 12/23/10: 6:52AM: Pee at 5:30AM and type DREAMS:12/23/10. Lay and think about all KINDS of things, mostly based on a previous Sharon session in which I came to the revelation that---just as I regretted not having transcribed some dream right after I had it, so that I could share it with Sharon---at the moment of my death (or, oddly, right AFTER my death) I would regret all that I HADN'T done during the time I "wasted" playing Spider and Taipei and Solitaire. So I got up at 6:40AM to pee again and noted to "write 75 Things To Do Before I Die." Thought about THAT for a few minutes, and then dressed and began typing THIS, ending at 6:59AM to start ANOTHER "summary file" on the line of REORGCHR and WEBSITE: 75THINGS. 7:07AM: Start looking up 22 remaining "Four Bones" movies in the 2008 Maltin guide. Find that Maltin also has HIS list of 50 movies to see on page xiii! Find that NINE titles aren't listed in Maltin, implying that I should look back into the original catalog to see what alternative names might be held: as I find I've SEEN "Every Man for Himself and God Against All" as "The Mystery of Kaspar Hauser." And "James Joyce: Portrait of the Artist" I might have seen as "Portrait of the Artist." ALL compulsions get COMPULSIVE. Also note that I'd made a 9-item list to do today: 1) gym, 2) breakfast, 3) Koons exhibit, 4) Grenouille, 5) order prescriptions, 6) check HH codes, 7) make Ken's DVD, 8) fill out NK, and 9) clear desk. Now to breakfast at 7:37AM! Read an INCREDIBLE indictment of Putin as a Stalinistic monster in New Yorker Magazine. Back to computer at 8:15AM, clipping an article about another, photographic, exhibit at the Met, possibly for this morning. Back to 75THINGS. Finish that at 8:30AM and decide to pack and get to gym as early as possible to get into day quickly. Back and out with Paul to the Met Museum, stopping to try the Koons exhibit, which is closed, sadly. I do the Kublai Khan exhibit 11:30-1:20PM, so great that I spend almost $50 to buy the guidebook: so many things "connected" with me: the incredible range of regional museums IN China that donated extraordinary RECENTLY EXCAVATED pieces; the slipper found by Aurel Stein outside the walls of Gaochang, which I VISITED when I was in China after having READ Aurel Stein; and the amazing TRAVELS of some of the pieces, all across Asia to the Philippines and to Japan. Paul went to see some other exhibits while I saw the closing Khan exhibit thoroughly. Then bus down to La Grenouille, forgetting which STREET it was on: I thought 53rd, Paul thought 51st, and we found it on 52nd. Up before 2PM and wait about 20 minutes for Charles, who finally arrives and keeps his coat on through the meal to keep warm. I was delighted with their charred sweetbreads in a delicious sauce, followed by exquisitely light lamb's liver: it almost felt as if it'd been somehow AERATED, literally puffed with air to become delicate and light in texture. Paul ordered a souffl╬ś for dessert, so I had to order one too, as did Charles. They liked their food too, and when desserts came, they left the toppings on the side: Grand Marnier for Paul and Charles, creme fraiche for my chocolate. Paul didn't want his at all, so I added his to mine, and then Charles couldn't finish his, so I demolished what was left of HIS, possibly ingesting some alcohol in the process. I kept checking with Paul that his paying for ALL my meals was OK, and he said, literally, "Don't worry about it." So I didn't. Paul later said it was a great meal, second only to Corton. Paul went out on the town, and I returned home for Spider 4:45-9:15PM, AWFUL, ending at 59.34105 at 625 up after 3 wins, a DISASTER. Watched Spartacus's DVD of "Angels with Dirty Faces," at the end of which Paul came back, refusing to say how he spent the evening. I presume with sex. I might have opened a can of soup for a light dinner after the fabulous lunch. Bed at 12:05AM, noting with triumph: Paul leaves TOMORROW!

FRIDAY, 12/24/10: Pee at 4:43AM, obsessed with "double played" music [have no idea what this means when I type it on 12/28]. Up, still tired, at 8:27AM. 8:53AM: Finish typing DREAMS:12/24/10 and now have to dress and find something to watch on TV while I'm having breakfast, and then try to decide what to do with the morning---after generating Ken's gorilla movie-DVD and writing Mildred's $2000 Schwab check---before lunch at Alto at 2PM. Glad this is Paul's last full day here. Spider 11:05AM-1:25PM, CRAP, ending at 51.3879 at 624 up after 3 wins, AGAIN saying CRAP. Out to get to Alto rather late, Ken and Mildred and Paul already seated, and the appetizers are great, but something was slightly off with my main course, I forget what, but it's still a promising place. Later see an obese Michael White on a Times Talk with Vongerichten and Boulud, realizing he's one of the most prominent chefs in Manhattan at this time, and his Marea on 1/11/11 was great, too. Paul again takes off into town, and I'm home to watch "Triad: Election," and again Paul comes in at the end and wants to have something for dinner, so we go to Montague Street to find Armando's open, and it's cheery and Christmasy and busy, so I have veal and he has some pasta dish that he likes, with a glass of wine, and again he pays for the whole thing. Spider in evening, times so depressing I didn't record them, ending at 51.38618 at 624 up after 3 wins, AWFUL, and then something like 11:48PM-1:15AM to 51.38802 at 625 up after 5 wins, reluctantly saying PROGRESS.
Bed 1:32AM.

SATURDAY, 12/25/10: Pee at 5:03AM and again at 5:07AM. Up at 8:24AM, noting that it's the LAST AM with Paul here! I suggest we have brunch at Park Plaza, and I gorge on the Big Mess. Spartacus joins us for coffee at the end, and again Paul takes off into town, having verified that his plane is leaving at the planned 9:45PM, so I call for his car at 7PM. He's packed the day before, and checks to make sure he has everything, and perfunctorily kisses me goodbye, and I revel in the apartment that's finally ALL MINE. Spider 7:20-9:25PM, OK! ending at 51.40523 at 633 up after NINE wins, noting "GREAT session." Play Taipei 9:30-11:30PM, and then go right over to Solitaire from 11:30PM-12:15AM. Maybe watch junk television just to celebrate Paul's departure. Bed 1:45AM.

SUNDAY, 12/26/10: Pee at 6:28AM. Up at 9:12AM. Look through the Sunday Times, noting that the snowstorm is supposed to start today, leaving anything between 3 and 18 inches of snow, depending on who's estimating. Then I read it's supposed to start "late Sunday morning." I'd been glancing out all morning, hoping to see it start, have breakfast at 10AM, and go out on the balcony at 10:30AM to see the FIRST TINY FLAKES OF SNOW begin to fall. Talk to Marj 11-11:50AM, and then Rita calls, having returned from her cruise to Tulum and Panama, not liking it that much, and we talk from 11:55-12:20PM. Play Spider 12:20-2:15. Talk to Spartacus to 2:45PM, and again to Rita (?) [at least on the note]. Then have lunch, distribute my pills for the coming two weeks, and read to 4:15PM. Note 16 wires to be charted on the back of my Dell tower-case, and do a lot described in COMPCRO:12/16/10. Back to Spider 4:15-4:20 to record the results of the session started and then put on pause this morning as 51.41576 at 638 up after 6 wins, GOOD, then continuing to 5:55 to 51.41513 at 638 up again after 5 wins, good, but LONG, and then CONTINUING to 8PM to 51.41886 at 640 up after 2 wins, better, and then TOTALLY MADDENINGLY, continuing to 11:30PM (noting that at 11:12PM I racked up NINE CONSECUTIVE LOSSES!) to a SHIT score of 51.39048 at 628 up after 2 wins. Have something for dinner while watching junk TV. Hunt for the replacement for my Vicks, looking all over before searching below the sink for the THIRD time and find it at the bottom of one of the boxes at 2:30AM. Bed at 2:47AM, astounded to be staying up so late, still dizzied by how much Paul's visit affected me.

MONDAY, 12/27/10: Up at 9:23AM and pee. Type, phone, and pee again at 9:42AM and return to bed. Up at 10:14AM, knowing that I have too much to do. Breakfast at last, finishing the last of the milk, glad that I have oatmeal-less HH breakfasts left before shopping for milk on Wednesday, hopefully, after Sharon's session---but then---SHIT!---remember I'm going to the Walter Reade to pick up a ticket from Spartacus for the movie at 6:30 Wednesday! Talk to Marj 11-12:15PM, and then Shelley to 12:27: she's now resigned to staying at Cobble Hill for rehabilitation for the next few months. Talk to Spartacus to 1:05PM, and find that HIP is closed today. Spend much of the day as described in COMPCHRO:12/17/10, getting rid of the tangle of wires left over from the March-discarded IBM PC. Note that at 3PM I shut the computer off to clean the "suck-in" slot, and when I turn it on, it WORKS! Most businesses seem to be closed since there's hardly any traffic on the streets. Cadman Plaza is down to the blacktop, but Henry has just one line of white tracks and very little traffic. Spider 4:15-7:05PM, stopping to record a dropping score of 51.37825 at 623 up after 3 wins WORSE, then continuing to 9:50PM, AWFUL, ending at 51.37261 at 621 up after 2 wins WORSE. Then BACK to Spider 2-3AM for PAIN, ending at 51.3774 at 622 up after 4 wins, at last up again. Bed 3:15AM!!

TUESDAY, 12/28/10: Pee at 8:37AM and at 8:58AM. Try calling Palgon at 9AM, as directed yesterday, and get cut off! Call back and told "this party is no longer accepting calls." I do the SKETCHIEST Actualism to 9:28, just to DO it, and then CVS calls about tamsulosin and dexilant, and I tell them I'm taking only half the first and will be seeing Palgon about the second, so I'm not ordering now, but am aware of them. Though I feel tired, I decide to stay up, and start "Things Done Today" list, noting for a start 1) Paul McLean, 2) Edgardo, 3) HH password, and 4) Tris. Spider 1:40-1:20PM, DEMANDING to do it, to 51.36962 to 620 up after 3 wins, a new LOW. 3:32PM: SO many things I DIDN'T do when Paul was here that I now WANT to do. So I started a DID-LIST for the day, starting when CVS got me out of bed at 9AM, asking about tamsulosin and dexilant renewals. I went back to bed for the sketchiest Actualism session and started my list 1) 9:30 Call Palgon, but the office is closed; 2) 9:32 Delete Verizon e-mails; 3) 9:43 Reboot computer for "e-mail-box" remnant on screen; 4) 9:44 Outlook Express works OK; 5) 9:47 Paul McLean astonished about Paul C's paying for all restaurants, talking to 10AM; 6) 10:02 MAYBE leave word with Edgardo; 7) 10:15 Change HH passwork, make a file card for it, and choose 1/5-7 meals; 8) 10:16 LW Spartacus; 9) 10:53 End long Mildred talk; 10) 10:58 Dress and pee again; 11) 10:59 Call Spartacus back; 12) 12:16PM Off phone with Marj; 13) 12:40 Finish breakfast; 14) 12:41 Overloaded garbage out; 15) 12:45 Try Cadman for exterminator; 16) 1:20 Finish "day's Spider;" 17) 3PM Back from gym; 18) 3:25 Marj again for a) snow, and b) "the which," which Shakespeare used in "Romeo and Juliet." Then type this to 3:40, ready to move on to the cards for COMPCHRO that I've already separated from the stack of cards above my desk, adding 19) Update NK. Work on COMPCHRO:12/28/10 until 5PM, when I stop for lunch. Finish that at 5:45, glad that I still have my last New York Magazine to read, since the mail today had NO new magazines for me to look through. And I think I still haven't received my January Scientific American. Talk on the phone with Charles, mainly about the snow, to 6:20, and then indulge in Spider from 6:25-9:35PM, hitting a new low at 51.36185 at 617 up after 3 wins. Finish updating COMPCHRO by 10:15PM, tiring, throwing out all those old notecards, and then catch up with this by 10:20PM, with still a lot to catch up with in NK, not to mention having dinner, and thinking of turning off the radiator in the bedroom, since it's now feeling too hot and dry without the snow falling outside. Transcribe notes from the still-jammed coffee table to sketch in the still-missing days in my journal, but now at 11:23PM I'm quite tired, feel that I have to have SOMETHING for dinner (maybe soup), and watch some mindless TV and get to bed sooner than then 3:15AM of this morning! Note that the new "direct wiring" has wires stretched above lap level to my left, making the "closing of the night curtain" rather constricted, and makes the "play" left for the mouse quite tight. DO have soup for dinner, watching the beginning of "Equilibrium" with the sexy Christian Bale---showing his marvelous body BEFORE I was recording it---which I tape for viewing in the morning even though I ALREADY watched it twice on TV after it came out in 2002. Shut the bedroom radiator off and get to bed at 12:40AM.

WEDNESDAY, 12/29/10: Pee at 6:30AM, lie thinking about the same old things, and then feel a slight sexual urge, so I get up at 8:14AM to jerk off, but the DVD for one of the porns doesn't even WORK, and I try another which won't PLAY---is something going wrong with my DVD player?---and finally cum just to cum about 9AM, when I finish watching "Equilibrium" while having breakfast, but leave the living room in a mess to get to MORE Spider 11:35AM-12:35PM, and not satisfied with THAT small progress, continue to 1:30PM to end at 51.36792 at 620 up after 3 wins for some SMALL progress. Then have to TEAR myself away from games---even NOW experiencing an urge to just STOP this and go play SOLITAIRE for a while! Do play starting at 1:35, but when I start nodding out at 2:30, I stop and come back to my journal, hoping to get SOME done before lunch and Sharon, who hasn't called YET to cancel this afternoon's session. Compelled to return to Spider 3:45-4:30PM, not bothering to keep score until I continued at 10:25PM-2:10AM, getting TWELVE wins in 3 hours and 45 minutes, ending at 51.38613 at 629 up after, yes, 12 wins, FABULOUS; best since 12/26 9 losses. Out to the Walter Reade at 6:15PM to find Spartacus hadn't showed up yet, which he does at 6:26PM with my ticket and we go in to see "Beggars of Life," with a miscast Louise Brooks. Persuade Spartacus to dine at Dallas BBQ, and he doesn't want to walk in the snow up to 72nd, so we catch a bus that takes FOREVER to go down Seventh Avenue to 42nd Street for the Dallas BBQ there, with a LINE outside! Sit on the ground floor, have a GREAT potato with my larger portion of ribs than his, and love the food. Then did the Spider described above. Bed at 2:38AM.

SHARON B. 160 12/29/10

Wanted to print out a dream page, but Marj called (to my distress) and I ended up playing Spider 3:45-4:30PM, finding Sharon's office without a client, and there was so little snow upstate that she actually showed up for work YESTERDAY, though very few others came in. I related Marj's call, presented my Christmas letter in lieu of a dream page, and went deeply into my "having to" hear Marj out, AND what could I possibly say in my JOURNAL that Marj would eventually READ? It ended with my saying that I'd just have to talk it out with Marj (which I would the next morning from 11:30-11:53). Then I got into Paul's stay, saying "I'm actually glad I didn't see you last week because it would have been all about how GOOD Paul (paying for restaurants, being out of my apartment [and hair] as much as he could possibly be) didn't prevent me from FURIOUSLY HATING his presence in my apartment and my life for NINE DAYS." Then got into the two triumphs of "getting my computer to work by rewiring" and "loading Verizon's something that got its web page back." Looked up to see that it was 5:25PM already, and said how much I enjoyed the snow falling, and---now I remember somewhere in the middle where I simply CONFESSED that I was saddened by the fact that even WITH all this therapy, I STILL WASN'T PERFECT! How I regretted not having worked more on my website because that will be my IMMORTAL LEGACY to the world after I die. And she came up with a good word about "addressing" the issue with Marj, rather than talking about "shoulds" or "guilt" or "not knowing what to say." AND I generalized that clearing the deck (so to speak) with Spider and Solitaire and Taipei SYMBOLIZED my CLEARING MY LIFE of all the things that I feel I have to do before I can RELAX into the bliss (as I thought of it this morning after Charles' 9:10AM call about Bill's small stroke) of extreme old age when I can do ANYTHING I want (based on Bill's insistence on NOT going to the hospital). Wonderfully productive session that I feared, at the start, would have nothing to talk about other than my "peace offering" of my Christmas letter. Out at 5:32PM and make it to the Walter Reade Theater (with my binoculars, ready for the movie, of course) ten minutes before Spartacus.

THURSDAY, 12/30/10: Type this at 2:14AM, finishing a MARATHON Spider session. And close file for the day. 8:41AM: Type DREAMS:12/30/10 and pee and shit, setting up Metropolitan Museum listing for today, but at 9:10AM Charles calls: "Bill had a small stroke, we called 911, but Bill refused to go the hospital. So I have to stay home, with the possibility of ensuing stroke." I go back to bed, with note to myself to call Mildred. Do Actualism to 10:14AM. Today's "did-list:" 1) 10:26AM: Clean two pairs of glasses. 2) 10:32: Uncoil phone wire. 3) 10:35 Clean humidifier. 4) 11:03 Finish breakfast. 5) 11:04 Marj's line busy. 6) 11:20 Talk to Mildred about Charles. 7) 11:21 Marj's line is still busy. 8) 11:23 HSBC: $2000 check in on 12/22/10. 9) 11:24 Write FIA check. 10) 11:29 Koons Gallery doesn't answer. 11) 11:53 Finish talking with Marj. 12) 12:07PM Finish typing Sharon's session. On Met brochure: 12:09 Leave home. 12:45 72nd Street wait for #1 train. 1:20 Off bus at Fifth Avenue. 1:25 Koons still closed. 1:34 Coat checked. To Jan Gossart exhibit at 1:40 and am absolutely floored by it and the artists associated with him until 3:41, too tired to see anything else. Pay $4.90 for six wonderful cards at 3:50. Have a $16 lunch from 4-4:24, then to Italy Observed: Views and Souvenirs 1706-1899, which is due to close on 1/2/11, from 4:25-4:53. To the Christmas tree at 4:54, and then pay $1 for the new calendar to 5:02. Out of museum at 5:09, on second bus at 5:28, slowed by snow on streets, and home at 6:30. 13) 6:30 Back from Metropolitan Museum. 14) 7:50 Finish mail. 15) 9:40 Finish Spider (recording that it was 7:50-9:40PM to 51.39659 to 634 up after 5 wins, GOOD). 16) 10:50 Finish e-mail. Retrieve Susie's e-mail to check out Picassa for Edge-transmit of photos, but it COSTS to join, so I throw out note. Watch "The Ballad of Narayama" from Netflix, thinking that both Spartacus and Ken should see it, but Ken says no and so doesn Spartacus. BACK to Spider, just when I thought of going to bed, from 1:30-3AM, ending at 51.39158 at 632 up after 3 wins, DOWN. Bed at 3:10AM!

FRIDAY, 12/31/10: 9:15AM: Ken wakes me to ask me over this evening for his special fried rice. He says he'll call later with the final hour for my coming over. At 9:39AM I make a list to things to ask Ken if I can bring when he calls: 1) cranberries, 2) Italian wine, 3) "Ballad of Narayama," 4) Playgirls and Unzippeds. Do Actualism and fall asleep (MISSING Ken's call at 11:17, which I didn't HEAR through my earplugs!) to 11:27AM. Up, damnably, to start Spider 11:43AM-12:20PM, ending at 51.39359 at 633 up after 2 wins, UP. Back to Spider 2-2:45PM, on a whim, and end at 51.39726 at 635 up after 4 wins, best of page (which is actually note 47). Signed up for Most Traveled People (MTP), thinking it was free. Played Spider again 3-4:40, and again to 6:15, not even taking score it's so awful. Can't figure why Ken hasn't called, so I call him and he says he expected me to ARRIVE around 6:15PM! I get there as quick as I can, and his fried rice is pretty good, but not very filling, which is ALSO good, since after watching the hour Times Talk with Boulud, Vongerichten, and Michael White of Alto and Marea, interviewed with a QUITE sexy Paul Bruni, I was hungry for his Indian Pudding, which he said was disappointing, but I got a good enough idea of what it was. Then he asks if I want to see anything else; I ask what he has, and can't resist James Franco being interviewed by the Actor's Studio guy. What TOTAL appeal Franco has! Leave about 10:15, thanking Ken very much for a wonderful evening, pass a roaring party in his hall, and get home on a fairly empty subway, hardly New Year's Eve jolly at all. Back to Spider again 10:45-11:55PM, not recording the score, and go out on the balcony to watch the reflection of fireworks from the far south off buildings in Manhattan. In at 12:10AM, not wanting to watch TV. Spider AGAIN 1:15-3:30AM, admitting to 51.38864 at 632 up after 4 wins AWFUL. Bed at 4AM!!!